Week 9 Picks, Thoughts, Insights and stuff

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 10 June 2022 12:23

Published: Friday, 10 June 2022 12:23

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 4909

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, it’s time to get serious. 

After a picture perfect Lenny and Rameer Day last weekend that saw great football, hilarious antics, and a lot of fun being had by the TSL, this week is completely different. You see, this is the final week before the playoffs. The Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality is about to begin, and some of us will be left behind at the starting line. 

Week 9 is upon us. It’s the last chance for teams to make a statement, put some wins together, and for some of us, punch their entry into the playoffs. There’s a lot at stake for most of our teams this week. Who has to win to get in? Who’s out? Who needs help? Let’s go over it now so we can get a much clearer idea of what we’re watching for this week. 

D1: 

Last Week’s Games:

Eyes Downtown 53, Grey Hair Don’t Care 37

Legends 49, Passed Our Prime 19

Scared Hitless 35, Tight Ends In Motion 31

All of the games listed above were crossover games. Grey Hair gave Eyes Downtown a little run for their money, but it wasn’t as close as the score indicated. Legends walked all over a Hogan-less POP, and Scared Hitless showed that even if they don’t win the D2 title this session, they’re playing in D1 in the fall anyway as they beat Tight Ends In Motion. 

What’s At Stake: 

Not a lot to write home about in our Top Division. We only have 4 teams, and all will make the playoffs. Tight Ends is locked into that 4th spot after what has easily been the hardest season of their existence. Sticky Bandits are locked into the 2v3 game. The only thing at stake is the #1 seed heading into the playoffs and who gets the “easier” game against TEIM as the Legends and Eyes Downtown battle for it this week. 

This Week’s Games: 

Legends vs Eyes Downtown (+1) - Both of these teams have been pretty good, as their 6-2 records suggest. They both have D1 Championship aspirations, and both teams are fully aware that playing Tight Ends In Motion in Round 1 of the playoffs is a lot more appetizing than playing Sticky Bandits. This game means a lot more than most realize right now. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 7

Sticky Bandits vs Tight Ends In Motion (+8) - It hasn’t been the world’s best season for Tight Ends, as a change in QB and a complete overhaul of the females on the team really set them up for failure. Every year we get a few teams that have the ‘season from hell’ and this just seems to be TEIM’s turn. Sticky, on the other hand, continues their rise up the Social Co-Ed Football rankings. Very rarely do we see the “team that sticks together and climbs all the way to the top from lower divisions” anymore, but they’ve done it pretty nicely. This game doesn’t mean much for either team, as they look to avoid injury to their stars. STICKY BANDITS BY 10

D2:

Last Week’s Games:

Eyes Downtown 53, Grey Hair Don’t Care 37

Legends 49, Passed Our Prime 19

Scared Hitless 35, Tight Ends In Motion 31

When Dove Cries 38, Bullet Club 26

Dilfs 45, The Notorious BNB 21

We already spoke on the Crossover games, but last week also saw Topper getting a win over Bullet Club to finally notch his first victory of the season (And WDC’s second win overall, both against BC) while the Dilfs dominated BNB to move into 2nd place in the division. 

What’s At Stake:

With their big win in the D1/D2 Crossover game, Scared Hitless has locked down the #1 seed for the D2 playoffs, which means they get the bye week. But after that, we have a lot of seeding to get through. The Dilfs currently have the 2 seed, which means they’d play Bullet Club, which is essentially a bye week anyway. If the Dilfs lose to Passed Our Prime, chaos may reign for the seeding. That would put both at 5-4, where a Grey Hair win over Bullet Club (likely) also puts them at 5-4. But wait! A Notorious BNB win over WDC (probable) AND an upset of Scared Hitless (not as probable, though they don’t have anything to play for) also would put them at 5-4. A 4 way tie pretty much leaves it up to Topper’s wacky calculations for his standings, and it’ll be interesting to see that play out. Also, a WDC win over BNB, coupled with BNB losing to Scared Hitless would get WDC up to 5th, and BNB slides to 6th. Not a single first round matchup is determined, as is customary in D2. 

This Week’s Games: 

Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Bullet Club (+10) - Bullet Club lost their best chance to get a win last weekend, in a matchup that sounds like it was full of subs last week anyway. It can’t be a great game if the teams involved don’t even want to show. They now have their last chance to notch a win before the playoffs, but it comes in the form of a Grey Hair team that has really been putting it together as the season progresses. Dave Eickhoff is a sneaky MVP candidate (and potential Ref of the Year!) as he’s used his weapons to their fullest extent. They didn’t beat Eyes Downtown last week, but they showed they could hang with them. GREY HAIR DON'T CARE BY 14

The Notorious BNB vs When Dove Cries (+3) - It’s not the season either of these teams were hoping for when they signed up, but they can’t do much about it now. Team Topper is starting to get hot, riding a very tall and talented lineup to the end zone. But the emergence of Talia Calabro to really show she can play in D2 has also been a fantastic development, especially when she’s paired with Cheryl Julicher. BNB has all the talent in the world, but they’ve struggled recently as key players haven’t been there and the usual nonsense has taken its toll on them. This game means something for seeding. WHEN DOVE CRIES BY 6

Dilfs vs Passed Our Prime (EVEN) - As we stated above, if the Dilfs win, they get the 2 seed and date with Bullet Club in the first round. If they lose? Chaos. Passed Our Prime was beaten up without their fearless leader last week, but Hogan should be back and ready to make things interesting against a Dilf’s team that looks to be without an injured Travis Cleavenger-Bernal. PASSED OUR PRIME BY 5

Scared Hitless vs The Notorious BNB (+10) - Just because a game means nothing to Scared Hitless, they’re still going to play like it does. D2’s dominant team this season doesn’t want to go into the playoffs taking a “week off”, and the reason they are the top seed is because they treat every game like it's the biggest game of the year. They’re impossible to stop right now. SCARED HITLESS BY 17

D3:

Last Week’s Games:

Sleezin Szn 22, Itches and Ohs 8

The Untouchaballs 42, Sleezin Szn 25

Frodo Swaggins 37, Show Me Dem TDs 15

Show Me Dem TDs 22, Freeballers 20

Freeballers 34, Buffalo Vice 21

Itches and Ohs 45, 4th & Something 41

Sleezin Szn gets a big win, shutting down Itches completely before getting beat up by The Untouchaballs after. Frodo didn’t have Garrett throwing, which means things were easier for the offense as they cruised to a win. Show Me Dem TDs lost to Frodo, but came back to beat up the slumping Freeballers who have been below average since forcing me to apologize to them. As usual, I was right. The Freeballers would then go onto beat a shell of Buffalo Vice, who was missing a ton of people, per my weekly email from Dan. And then Itches and ohs followed the trend of “lose a game, win a game” in D3, finding their offense en route to a win over 4&S. 

What’s At Stake: 

Another division that has everyone making the playoffs, but there are no bye weeks to be earned here in the TSL Thunderdome this division has become. Anyone can beat anyone just about this time around. The Untouchaballs are the #1 seed and are easily the class of D3. After that, we have a whole bunch of seeding going around. Frodo could lose to Untouchaballs, sending them to 5-4, where a 4&S win over Freeballers, and an Itches win over Vice gives us a 4 way tie for 2nd. Tell me if you’ve heard this before. A Buffalo Vice loss might cause them to tumble to 7th depending on who wins the Sleezin Szn/Show Me game, where the loser of that game is guaranteed to play the buzzsaw that are The Untouchaballs. Chaos, again. Just how Topper likes it. 

This Week’s Games:

The Untouchaballs vs Frodo Swaggins (+7) - This game is a big measuring stick for Frodo, because if they get blown out here, it’ll start to creep in their minds yet again that they’re always just the bridesmaids, but never the bride in D3. A win here would be massive, and put some doubt into the uberconfident Untouchaballs. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 3

Freeballers vs 4th & Something (+6) - Freeballers. Guys, what happened? I’m sure there’s a litany of excuses, but as always it starts at the top. The word I’m receiving is that 40 Year Plan Guy is once again focused more on his game at the bar than on the field, and his team is suffering because of it. Meanwhile, this is the time 4&S really starts to get going so they can win a playoff game or two. 4th & SOMETHING BY 8

Itches and Ohs vs Buffalo Vice (+7) - A great D4 matchup last season, a great D3 matchup this season. Buffalo Vice is looking to avoid finishing lower in the standings and end up with a harder game next week, meanwhile with a big win Itches could slither up to 2nd overall with some help. This should be interesting. ITCHES AND OHS BY 2

Sleezin Szn vs Show Me Dem TDs (EVEN) - 2-6 is not what either team envisioned here at this point in the season, but there’s nothing they can do about it now. Both teams have shown flashes of life during the season, especially recently. There’s nothing appetizing about finishing 2-7 and having to play the Untouchaballs next week though. This game is big for both. SLEEZIN SZN BY 8

D4:

Last Week’s Games:

Varsity Has Beens 32, Puckett All-Stars 26

Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 37, Can't Touch This 33

Zack Attack 47, Today’s Feast 15

Practice Squad 21, XMD 0 (forfeit)

Cunning Stunts 45, Spinelli’s Plumbing 40

TOX 27, Vaspian 14

Varsity Has Beens pick up a HUGE win over Puckett that keeps their playoff hopes alive. ILF shuts down Can’t Touch This and ends their hot streak. Zack Attack figured out offense a bit, walking all over Today’s Feast while shutting them down on defense. The Stunts and Spinelli’s went head to head in a war, with the Stunts just pulling this one out. And TOX gets another win, as Vaspian continues to trend downward this season. 

What’s At Stake:

Of the 12 teams in this division, only 8 will make the playoffs. That makes for a lot of meaningful games as we head into our final week. Practice Squad has clinched 1st overall, as only the Stunts can catch them in record, but PS won the head to head matchup. So we know that, and we also know that TOX and Today’s Feast are both going to be on the outside looking in for the playoffs. Varsity Has Beens can go 2-0 this weekend to get to 4-5, and XMD can also beat ILF to go to 4-5. Spinellis plays Practice Squad where a loss could put them at 4-5. Zack Attack gets the Stunts that could put them at 4-5. Oh, and Varsity would have to beat Can't Touch This to go 2-0, which would put them at 4-5. If TOX upsets Puckett? You guessed it, they’re 4-5. We could conceivably have 6 teams at 4-5, where two of them would miss the playoffs. Every. Game. Counts. 

This Week’s Games:

Can’t Touch This vs Varsity Has Beens (+8) - CTT has been really good since a slow start to the season, and last week just feels like a small hiccup. While a win would have clinched them a playoff spot, instead they have a potential “play in” game this week where Varsity can get a pretty key head to head tiebreaker win here. IF CTT wins, they have nothing to worry about. I think I’m going to trust Ryan to get it done. CAN'T TOUCH THIS BY 8

Puckett All-Stars vs TOX (+7) - TOX has been spry lately, as things seem to be coming together for them just a little too late. But they can still play spoiler against a Puckett team who put themselves into a tougher scenario than they needed to be in this week after the loss to Varsity. A loss to TOX would open them up to missing the playoffs, but this team is known for making it hard for themselves before succeeding. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 9

ILF vs XMD (+7) - An unfortunate forfeit last weekend to Practice Squad put XMD on the outside looking in heading into this week. They’re the “They need to win and get some help” team this week, so all they can do is focus on this game, and see where the chips fall. ILF has an outside shot at the #2 seed with a win, but they’ve already clinched a playoff spot. XMD BY 4

Cunning Stunts vs Varsity Has Beens (+10) - Here’s the hard part for Varsity’s unlikely run to the playoffs. The Stunts are just superstars in every sense of the word, so not only will it be hard for VHB to beat Can't Touch This, then they have to beat the Stunts just to HOPE things go their way. It’s a tall order, and new teams always struggle with gender teams (Hint: have your guys step out at the 1 and go for girl TDs. Don’t get male TDs). CUNNING STUNTS BY 18

Vaspian vs Today’s Feast (+12) - I don’t know what’s happened to Vaspian, arguably the coldest team in the league right now. But, Today’s Feast is a great remedy for them to shake it off and get their heads on straight. TF has shown flashes of promise, but a midseason surge kind of fizzled out as of late as they’re running for the bus here. Vaspian gets back on track. VASPIAN BY 10

Practice Squad vs Spinelli’s Plumbing (+8) - Not quite the end of the season Spinelli’s envisioned before they started to wear their cursed new jerseys. They’re currently in the playoff picture, but they get the best team in the division now, and if they don’t win to clinch a spot, they could be placed into tiebreaker hell with a few other 4-5 teams. They’ll know if they’re in or not before the game starts (VHB and XMD will have played already), so it might not be a “MUST” win, but it very well could be. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 13

Cunning Stunts vs Zack Attack (+9) - Zack Attack did this to themselves after a weak middle of the season. Even with things turning around and looking up, they're still fighting for their playoff lives still against a Stunts team that is just very, very good, as we all know. An XMD win coupled with a Zack Attack loss could knock ZA out of the playoffs. That just doesn’t feel right. ZACK ATTACK BY 3

D5:

Last Week’s Games:

Come From Behind 40, Passing While Intoxicated 26

TMA 31, Two Tuddies 0

Tater Tots 44, 716 14

Red Zone Mafia 41, Not So Sticky 23

Red Zone Mafia 34, Cobblestone 14

CFB is back into cruise control, winning easily over PWI and looking good heading toward the playoffs. TMA trounced the Tuddies on their way to an easy win. The Tater Tots continue to look very promising with another big win, this time over 716. And Red Zone Mafia went 2-0 on the day, stomping out NSS before getting a pretty big win over Cobblestone in a rivalry game of sorts. 

What’s At Stake:

Not much. NSS and the Tuddies are guaranteed to play in the game. Everything else is seeding based. TMA and RZM’s seasons are over, so they’re going to stay at 7-2 and 6-3 respectively. The interesting part comes in where Cobblestone could beat 716, and the Tater Tots could beat Come From Behind AND Two Tuddies and we have a three way 7-2 tie, that also pushes RZM into the 4v5 game. If that happens, I believe Cobblestone would end up as the #1 seed (They’re 2-0 against TMA/Tots), with TMA at #2 (they beat the Tots), and Tots at 3. Of course, this is assuming I know the tiebreakers and things work out how they should. 

This Week’s Games:

Cobblestone vs 716 (+5) - Darryl Carr QB Superstar has a shot at the #1 seed, which means he’s going to be slinging it all over the place to his players. 716 has been a little off in recent weeks, and while they’re looking to get it together for the playoffs, I’m not sure it’s going to happen. COBBLESTONE BY 12

Tater Tots vs Come From Behind (+1) - CFB is slowly becoming that “team nobody wants to play in the playoffs” once again. A less than ideal 1-4 start has been erased, and Paul has been looking great throwing the ball as they get to 4-4. The Tots have overcome a rough start of their own by their standards, losing their QB to injury (and getting a good replacement in Jeff Easton) to go 2-0 against some top teams. The Tots’ defense has been very, very good as well, and they’ll need to be to slow down CFB. COME FROM BEHIND BY 3

Tater Tots vs Two Tuddies (+16) - A lot of “T’s” in this one. Try saying “Tater Tots Two Tuddies” five times fast. It’s harder than you think. The Tuddies have been great people to have around this season, but it seems like it's not quite translating to the football field just yet. There’s always next year. TATER TOTS BY 12

D6:

Last Week’s Games:

Travis Henry’s Kids 33, Southside 29

Woodpeckers 21, Lettuce Win 0 (forfeit)

Blitzkrieg 30, Lenny’s Ladies 0

Travis Henry’s Kids look to not exactly be the slam dunk we thought they were a few weeks ago, as Southside gave them a run for their money this week. Woodpeckers pick up a forfeit win, and Blitzkrieg gets a win over a Lenny’s Ladies team that had trouble holding on to the ball in the endzone last weekend. 

What’s At Stake:

Everyone makes the playoffs, but two teams get a bye. THK will finish 7-1-1 (as they tie Lenny’s Ladies in a game that can’t be made up) and they’re the clear cut 1 seed. As for the #2 seed, Blitzkrieg currently sits in that position at 4-5, but Southside has two games to get one win to overtake them. The Woodpeckers are sitting at 3-4 with games against Southside and Lenny’s Ladies that could vault them into the #2 seed if they go 2-0. Or, of course, all 4 teams could end up 4-5 and we go to tiebreakers for the bye. 

This Week’s Games:

Southside vs Woodpeckers (+7) - Southside has been better as of late, and the ship seems to have righted itself from whatever was going on with them before. The Woodpeckers had their own issues early on, but they’ve also seemed to have corrected those as they’re very competitive. This game should be a good one. SOUTHSIDE BY 7

Woodpeckers vs Lenny’s Ladies (+3) - When these two teams last met, they were in the second half of a 9-8 defensive battle before unfortunate circumstances ended the game early. Now they’ll get to meet again to see if they can recreate the offensive ineptitude that was on display early in the season. WOODPECKERS BY 7

Southside vs Lettuce Win (+8) - Lettuce Win has had an up and down season, and you just never really know what to expect from this team each week. Going against a locked in Southside isn’t the best thing for them right now, especially since they’ll be going for the bye. SOUTHSIDE BY 19

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

1.      Did you enjoy Lenny and Rameer Day? Our Official TSL Holiday went off without a hitch last week, and everyone had a blast from what I hear. Topper paid bagpipers to follow Dave Walter around, the reggae band was awesome, people really liked getting their own shirts made (including a classic Prim t-shirt Topper came up with). There was free ice cream, the weather was nice, and there was some very good football. Hope you had a blast. 

2.      What’s going on in Breakfast Club? The playoffs start this week, with the Liddle Deaks and Steph Infection getting the bye weeks. These two were the class of the league from the start, but with apparently Liddle Deaks losing Deak and Travis to injury in consecutive weeks, and The EsCourts getting an upgrade with Emily Schilling’s return, the BC title picture is as murky as ever. 

3.      What ARE the tiebreakers you keep talking about anyway? I’ve said this for years: Topper punches numbers into his very complicated standings machine and it spits out where people end up. I know head to head matters, but once you have 3 and 4 way ties, it gets nuts after that. Don’t worry yourself about the tiebreakers, and just win your games. Control what you can control. 

4.      Where are the playoff schedules? Topper ran into an issue last year by releasing the playoff schedule and times really early so we were committed to them, which made moving games around harder. He should be releasing the schedule (at least for Playoff Week 1) soon if he hasn’t already done so. 

5.      Is anyone going to slow down the counts? They’re out of hand. The biggest complaints in my inbox as of late have been how ridiculous the counts have been. I know that we have people who have been turning 6 seconds into 2.5 for years now, but it seems like they’re not getting warned enough. Word is the referees are being informed to pay a bit more attention to this this week and in the playoffs. 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

1.      Breakfast Club Playoff Predictions:

a.      The EsCourts 45, Dominatrix 27

b.      Jennatalia 44, Trish’s Tiny Disasters 43

2.      Games Of The Day Schedule:

a.      10:00 - Legends vs Eyes Downtown

b.      11:00 - The Untouchaballs vs Frodo Swaggins

c.      12:00 - Freeballers vs 4th & Something

d.      1:00 - Southside vs Woodpeckers

e.      2:00 - Itches and Ohs vs Buffalo Vice

f.       3:00 - Sleezin Szn vs Show Me Dem TDs

3.      Three teams that have been pretty bad as of late: Vaspian, Bullet Club, and Freeballers. What happened to these teams?

4.      Three teams that have been pretty awesome as of late: Tater Tots, Red Zone Mafia, Come From Behind. And they’re all in D5. That’s going to be a great playoff tournament. 

5.      The Wine Tournament is coming! It’s August 13th! Mark your calendars now. Registration will be here before you know it. 

6.      Shout out once again to all of the people that are refereeing and stepping up to the plate to help this league stay the best Social Co-Ed Football league of all time. There’s a lot of new names on the ref sheet, which means more and more of you are helping out. Thank you!

7.      It’s getting harder and harder to see any of the probable #1 seeds in D2, D3, and D6 lose. On the flip side, it looks like D1, D4, and D5 are all up for grabs, which should make for some very exciting playoff games. 

8.      It was exciting to hear about the TSL Hall of Fame being a real thing, with inductions happening at the banquet. I think this will be a really fun way to honor the people who helped make this league what it is today. I think it’s obvious what 2 (maybe 3) people should be on the first ballot. The people who, if not for them, the league wouldn’t even exist today. If you’re not immediately thinking Cookie Monster, B’s Brother and Moh as well, you’re just not in touch with the league anymore. 

9.      I’ve been informed that many TSLers are going to be headed down to the EA Music Fest this weekend, to which I can only say be safe and don’t drink and drive! 

10.  Finally, with the playoffs coming up, and many teams feeling the pressure this week of potentially not making them at all, combined with some brand new refs who are helping out, remember to not lose your mind on a potential bad call and to keep your cool. We don’t need another #Travisty on our hands. Be kind to each other. 

It’s bittersweet to already be at the end of the TSL Spring season, it feels like we just started. The weather looks like it’ll be perfect, so get out there and enjoy yourself. 

Next week, the Race begins. 

-GF OUT

Week 7 Thoughts, Picks & Stuff

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 27 May 2022 10:30

Published: Friday, 27 May 2022 10:30

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 5547

Sorry Freeballers, my bad.

Okay, with that nonsense out of the way, Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, we’re heading into the final stretch of the preseason for the Race To Social Co-Ed Football Immortality! This is historically a “wacky” week in the TSL because when Memorial Day weekend comes, weird things happen. Most of that is attributed to the fact that a good chunk of the league will be out of town on vacations and whatnot, so it's impossible for anyone (besides myself, of course) to predict what is going to happen. 

Alright fine, I owe the Freeballers a *little* more than that. I owe them a “you’re welcome”. I’m very clearly the magical inspiration that brings this team together. My words poofed whatever a Jake Valley is into existence. I made 40 Year Plan Guy play some of his best football ever (if we had Madden ratings, he’d be up to a 72!). My words somehow cause a renaissance for Talia and Jessie. And let’s not even talk about the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde experience that is the D2 vs D3 version of Dylan. The rest of them are just average dudes so I don’t know their names. Rachel Grampp is legit though. Your big wins? I did that. And you’re welcome. 

But also, it’s good to see a team come together and succeed. These guys and gals have been at it for a while and based off the emails I’ve received, and the messages sent my way on the podcast, it’s clear that they play for each other. The best teams in this league do. I didn’t think there was any way in hell that they’d pull off a huge 2-0 week last week, and they did it. How you ask? Well first off, I forgot that whatever team the Keller’s/Scotty Dro put together are paper tigers who look tough for 4 games and then fall of the face of the Earth. Right on cue, when I needed them most, they vanished. And then unfortunately, the sun was very clearly in Jeremy Burr’s eyes, and I can’t predict that type of stuff. So, they owe a shout out to “the sun” as well. Jokes aside, congrats Freeballers. I’m sorry I doubted you. 

But I look forward to betting against you in the playoffs. 

Speaking of interesting times in the TSL, did anyone see this “Best Males in the League” list? I know I haven’t been at the fields consistently for years, but it feels like just about everyone on that list hasn’t done anything of note. Look at this: 

Sean - What has this guy done besides be really athletic? He’s like that guy you take off the board early in fantasy leagues because he SHOULD be good, but in reality, he ends up as the 10th best WR overall. His teams are under performing. How is he #1? 

Boccio - This is a good pick, if it were three years ago. This is just a shell of the performer we all used to love. He misses games now, and he looks as though he’s only playing on the team because Diana told him he had to just so Travis would shut up and stop asking. 

Derek - Tight Ends In Motion is 1-5. Just because you’re tall and handsome doesn’t mean you’re a top player in the TSL. Look at Topper. 

Adrian - Thank god they didn’t take QB play into account here. 

Chris Nelson - What’s the point of #FreeingChrisNelson when he doesn’t do shit on the fields if he even shows up at all? Someone misses D4, I’m sure. 

Stoner Dave - Oh, the ACTUAL top player on TEIM appears on the list. 

Nick Voss - What the hell is a Nick Voss? Seems like a sneaky good pick. Guys with short names always are.

Kyle Conniff - Get real. The only thing that disappeared faster than the days of Kyle controlling a D1/D2 game has been his hair. 

Drew Colosimo - We get it, he’s tall. Hampered by Topper, probably. 

Andy Smegma - Couldn’t make the NFL, couldn’t make Cobblestone (which is like an NFL practice squad at times) and is somehow the 4th best player on a team that’s 1-5 that also has 4 “Top 10” players? THEY’RE 1-5. I’m assuming all of TEIM voted on this list. 

Eric Delecki - Finally, someone good. 

Dave Baker - Oh, a FIFTH TEIM player in the Top 12? One for every loss this season. We’re not even sure he’s the Best Baker in the league anymore, much less a Top 20 player. 

JOHNNY F’N FOOTBALL - TOP 3. ANYTHING LESS IS A JOKE. 

Kevin Zack - There is nothing bad to be said about this man. He deserves to be higher. 

Keyon Elias - Who? Oh, Hogan’s Sidekick. 

Travis Cleavenger-Bernal - TCB is a lot of things, but he’s the 5th best option on his own team, so a Top 20 WR isn’t it. I’d say his defense got him on this list, but I’ve seen him play safety so that’s out. And it sure as hell ain’t because of his time management skills. 

Ron Webber - Absolutely yes. Just a class act on and off the field. 

Mike Rawdin - He’s just a discount Anthony Deak, and Deak shouldn’t be on this list either. They got that much right. 

Matt Helm - This is apparently the guy who makes the Untouchaballs good. JK, everyone knows that’s Melanie and Burr. But sure. 

George Lombardo - Isn’t this the guy that wasn’t very good in D5? Feels more like he’s having a career year than it being a consistent thing. 

Pete Wallbrandt - The biggest fish in the smallest, D6 pond. Get in a real division and let’s see where you stand. 

Well, there you have it TSL, your “Top 20” males, allegedly. It’s clear the only people who voted for this list are all of TEIM with a sprinkling of others in there.

Is this the best we can do as a league? I know that not nearly enough people vote, but are we that low on talent that this is our actual Top 20? I think we had way too many people overlooked. This is yet again a prime example of what happens when TSLers don’t participate. We get this nonsense. I’m surprised Topper didn’t make the list based off of his one catch in Breakfast Club last weekend. Maybe we can do better, maybe we can’t. It’s worth trying.

With that said, let’s get to the games! 

D1/D2: 

Last Week’s Games:

Sticky Bandits 35, Legends 34

Eyes Downtown 28, Tight Ends In Motion 16

I’m combining D1/D2 simply because we have a lot of crossover games this week, so it’s a little weird on how to format that. Anyway, D1 shows the Sticky Nation rising up and taking down the Legends in a pretty fun comeback win that has the world wondering if the Legends have the QB to win it all this year. Meanwhile, Eyes Downtown keeps on rolling as they valiantly defeat “5 of the Top 12 guys in the league” TEIM. 

Scared Hitless 42, When Dove Cries 20

DILFs 41, The Notorious BNB 14

Not a ton of D2 action last week, but we saw Scared Hitless regain their momentum after a bad week, and the Dilfs put a beatdown on BNB to really stake their claim at a D2 title. 

This Week’s Games: 

D1/D2 Crossover Edition: 

Sticky Bandits vs The Notorious BNB (+6) - What a fun story line! The Sticky Bandits vs the Sticky Bandits rejects that got left behind for not being “good enough” for Jeff Krol’s vision of a D1 team. Sticky is thriving, so it’s hard to imagine things going BNB’s way, but if anyone knows how to beat Sticky, it’s going to be BNB. UPSET TIME. THE NOTORIOUS BNB BY 1. 

Dilfs vs Tight Ends In Motion (+6) - Yeah, TEIM is so far removed from being a good team (I imagine the texts flying out to Robin, Katie’s doctor to let her come back early, and trying to convince Emily it’s really okay to play football pregnant) that they aren’t even favored. It’s not hard to see why. Dilfs have been pretty good as of late. DILFS BY 3

Legends vs When Dove Cries (+10) - I’d want nothing more than Topper to dial it back to 1987 or whenever it was that he was last in shape, and just drop Dimes all over the Legends. But sadly, WDC is in the middle of an off year, and the Legends need a win, which I never expected to really say until now. LEGENDS BY 16

Eyes Downtown vs Bullet Club (+20) - I’d make this line higher, but I’ll expect Bobby to slow things down in the second half so that nobody gets hurt for ED’s “real games” they’ll have to play in the future. A week off might’ve helped BC but playing arguably the hottest team in D1 isn’t the best test for that. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 24

D2:

Passed Our Prime vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+3) - Grey Hair has been improving each week, and with POP seemingly missing games every other week (seriously, who has 4 byes in a 9 week season?) give me the team that’s getting their reps in. GREY HAIR DON’T CARE BY 8

Scared Hitless vs When Dove Cries (+10) - The miracle of wine and scheduling give us a rematch one week removed from an easy SH win. Everyone is well aware of how good the SH girls are, and for WDC and their new group of ladies, it’s a complete mismatch. SCARED HITLESS BY 17

D3:

Last Week’s Games:

4th And Something 47, Sleazing Szn 46

Buffalo Vice 41, Show Me Dem TDs 15

Freeballers 47, 4th And Something 0

Freeballers 42, The Untouchaballs 34

The reign of the Freeballers as the D3 championship favorites has begun. They went 2-0 (as my apology from earlier stated) against their best competition. Now, this doesn’t guarantee them anything, as I’m sure they’re aware that The Untouchaballs are coming for them. Should make for some good football. Speaking of fun, remember when Andy Clark left Buffalo Vice for “greener pastures”? Well, instead, he got a beat down put on him courtesy of his old mates. And in the other matchup, 4th and Something slipped by Sleezin Szn, who just can’t quite get it done this season. It feels like they could use a veteran player or two to help them out. Hmm. 

This Week’s Games:

Freeballers vs Sleezin Szn (+7) - Logically, based off last week, Freeballers should win this games 48-0. But let’s be real here. Sleezin can play, but they just haven’t learned how to finish. Historically, once a team hits the highest of highs, they can look at an 0-4 opponent and underestimate them. They’re going to think I’m just being salty, but I’m actually inspiring another victory for Freeballers with this: SLEEZIN SZN BY 14

The Untouchaballs vs Buffalo Vice (+6) - The TSL’s top 2 women face off in a battle for the ages. Buffalo Vice hasn’t lost since Dan started emailing me weekly, and news flash: He did it again. Caitlyn vs Melanie, Burr vs Seth, Helm vs Gonzalez/Pizza. It’s going to be a fun one. Both teams have been hot, and this is a game of the week for sure. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 3

Sleezin Szn vs Show Me Dem TDs (EVEN) - Two 0-4 teams come stumbling into this week’s matchup. One of them will more than likely get their first win, but who? Honestly, this is a tale of two different 0-4 teams. SMDTDs feels discombobulated, and nothing is clicking. Sleezin just feels like if a few plays go differently, they could be 3-1. Which means: SLEEZIN SZN BY 7

Frodo Swaggins vs 4th And Something (+6) - Garrett vs Scotty in what can only be considered Must See TV for the smack talking alone. Frodo has been consistent. 4th And Something is starting a hell of a slide. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 3 ON THE LAST PLAY

Itches and Ohs vs Show Me Dem TDs (+10) - Quite the slow, quiet start for Itches and Ohs this season, but now that the hyper accomplished ladies have put school behind them (congrats!) it’s time to really focus on football. The season starts now for Itches and Ohs, and they got a good, soft opponent to whoop on to get it going. ITCHES AND OHS BY 19

D4: 

Last Week’s Games:

Can’t Touch This 43, Today’s Feast 12

Cunning Stunts 50, XMD 20

Zack Attack 18, Vaspian 12

ILF 36, Varsity Has Beens 33

Practice Squad 45, Cunning Stunts 25

XMD 26, TOX 14

Puckett All-Stars 30, Spinelli’s Plumbing 23

So much D4 action last week! Can’t Touch This drops another big win, this time over Today’s Feast, who got feasted on. The Stunts smacked around XMD before getting smacked by Practice Squad themselves. XMD rebounded from their Stunts loss to beat TOX in a close one. Zack Attack handed Vaspian their first loss of the season in an 18-12 barnburner that was a true battle of the defense. ILF snuck out an incredibly important victory over Varsity Has Beens that would’ve truly put them behind the 8-ball in terms of making the playoffs. And finally, Spinelli’s go to 0-3 since getting some awful new jerseys that have been very clearly cursed, dropping a close one to Puckett, who’s been awesome lately. 

This Week’s Games:

Can’t Touch This vs XMD (+7) - I’m not sure I’d be here making CTT a favorite, but here we are. Ryan Dougherty might be my new favorite TSLer. He sent me a VERY fired up email that his team should no longer be disrespected and the completely unfair schedule the EVIL Lord Topper gave them only made them stronger. “Topper must be sick watching our success now.” I love it. I love him. I love the fire. If this team has some talented males and an alcoholic attractive girl or two, this team has ALL of the makings of a TSL favorite. Welcome to the league Ryan, you’ve finally arrived. CANT TOUCH THIS BY 18

Varsity Has Beens vs TOX (+6) - A lot of things on the line here, believe it or not. First off, despite what the media tells you, TOX can still make the playoffs. But it’s imperative they win 3 of their 4 games. And a loss to VHB will put them behind them in the tiebreakers, and potentially end the season early. VHB had a big win against ILF taken from them last week. They were so close! They HAVE to win this one to sneak into the playoffs. VARSITY HAS BEENS BY 2

ILF vs TOX (+10) - TOX’s “yeah we have to win” games continue right here against ILF, who has been shaky at best. ILF can get to 4-3 with a win here, and considering we have a lot of 3-3 teams, a loss would be devastating. ILF BY 2

Vaspian vs Spinelli’s Plumbing (+3) - Vaspian finally tasted defeat last week, so they’re looking to get back into the win column asap. Spinelli’s has been looking to get into the win column ever since they first put on their awful new jerseys, which again are very clearly cursed. If Spinelli’s wises up and wears black again, they’ll win. If they’re stubborn and keep these rags, they’ll lose. I think they’ll be stubborn. VASPIAN BY 8

Puckett All-Stars vs Today’s Feast (+7) - Today’s Feast had been showing signs of life before getting mauled last week. Puckett has been maulers for weeks now. It’s a bad combo for TF, that’s for certain. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 19

Practice Squad vs Zack Attack (+10) - Practice Squad arrived for real last week with a big win over the Cunning Stunts. Now they get a Zack Attack team that just took down the top team in the division. PS has a real shot at the division’s #1 seed, but they have to win this one. They boast the top point differential as well. Scoring against ZA will be difficult, but not impossible. At the end of the day, they’ve got B’s Brother’s Brother throwing for them and that may be all they need. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 8

D5:

Last Week’s Games:

Come From Behind 42, Two Tuddies 16

Cobblestone 24, Not So Sticky 0

TMA 28, 716 22

Tater Tots 25, Red Zone Mafia 20

716 19, Red Zone Mafia 6

Come From Behind continues to get it together, easily dispatching the Tuddies. Cobblestone continues to rock and roll in the league, shutting out Not So Sticky. 716 goes 1-1 on the day, losing a hard fought battle to TMA but they got to get into the win column with a victory over the Red Zone Mafia, who ended up 0-2 on the day as the Tater Tots brought Jeff Easton out of retirement to QB them to a victory. 

This Week’s Games:

716 vs Passing While Intoxicated (+8) - 716 isn’t getting quite the love they should be this year, but they’ve been scoring a lot, and playing really good defense. PWI isn’t quite on this level yet. 716 by 7

Two Tuddies vs Not So Sticky (EVEN) - These teams are going to tie again, aren’t they? The Tuddies have their best shot at win this season, and I think they’re going to get it! TWO TUDDIES BY 1

D6: 

Last Week’s Games: 

Blitzkrieg 44, Woodpeckers 14

Travis Henry’s Kids 65, Southside 14

Lettuce Win 34, Lenny’s Ladies 25

Blitzkrieg remembered how to play football and beat up on the Woodpeckers. THK really, really wanted to get some revenge and just simply poured it on a Southside team that has apparently gone through another roster reconstruction after the team bailed. Lettuce Win took a fun game from Lenny’s Ladies as well. 

This Week’s Games: 

Blitzkrieg vs Woodpeckers (+10) - Not much to say here. BK just blew the Peckers out, kind of hard to not see history repeat itself. BLITZKRIEG BY 15

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Woodpeckers (+17) - THK is just burying the division and that’s not even fun anymore. At this point, with only 9 teams in D5, we should just bump them up to play in the D5 playoff tournament after the season. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 30

Lettuce Win vs Lenny’s Ladies (+10) - Another rematch from last week, although I believe the Ladies will have Joe K back instead of George throwing for them, which means things are only going to get worse for them. LETTUCE WIN BY 20

Blitzkrieg vs Southside (+10) - I don’t know much about the new new look Southside, but it didn’t look great against THK. Blitzkrieg is finding their game at the right time though, and this could be a big 2-0 week. BLITZKRIEG BY 12

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

1.      Who’s Winning Breakfast Club? As I said last week, I’d have more in depth chatter about this this week. Now that everyone has played each other once, it seems like the Liddle Deaks and Jennatalia are headed towards an awesome BC final. They just standout over the others. 

2.      Could we actually put THK in the D5 playoffs? It’s Topper, so anything is possible. D5 only has 9 teams, so putting THK as the 10 seed could give us a fun 7-10 and 8-9 opening round to get into the playoffs there. It would definitely add some fun and intrigue. I can already hear Prim complaining, and he didn’t even read this yet. 

3.      Why aren’t the Legends dominating? You’d like to think that they would be, given their talent. The rumor mill this week has been all about how horrible Joey Batts is, and he’s the problem there. All of this, of course, is false. Joey Batts is one of the best QBs to ever do it. The issues clearly are with a shoddy defense, and these overrated receivers running the wrong routes. 

4.      Are you ready for Lenny and Rameer Day? I can’t stress enough how much fun June 4th will be at the fields. Topper has already told me that he has a band, and the dunk tank. Now Thurman Thomas is going to be there. He claims he’ll get drink specials! Once again, if you’re ever going to stay at the fields all day and have fun, this is the time to do it. 

5.      Who could use a win more than ever this week? Well, our winless teams for sure. Bullet Club and Sleezin Szn stand out more than the others. But with Two Tuddies taking on Not So Sticky, we’ll get one team their first win (unless they tie again), and Sleezin is taking on Show Me Dem TDs so TWO teams should get their first wins this year. TOX has a very winnable game against Varsity Has Beens as well. 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY: 

1.      It’s supposed to rain in the morning, so get prepared for the mud and the fun that comes with that. Here’s hoping the grass is cut. 

2.      Here are the best games to watch this week: 

a.      10:00 - Dilfs vs Tight Ends In Motion

b.      11:00 - Passed Our Prime vs Grey Hair Don’t Care

c.      12:00 - Buffalo Vice vs The Untouchaballs

d.      1:00 - Two Tuddies vs Not So Sticky

e.      2:00 - 4th And Something vs Frodo Swaggins

f.       3:00 - Zack Attack vs Practice Squad

3.      Breakfast Club predictions:

a.      Liddle Deaks 50, Dominatrix 14

b.      Jennatalia 37, The EsCourts 20

c.      Steph Infection 43, Trish’s Tiny Disasters 37

4.      Shoutout to Jordan Lawson for coming in to referee for us. It’s always telling when the first thing someone does when the minor leagues close to run right back to where they should be. You know he’s looking at D2 right now thinking he could’ve won that title again. See you in the Fall. 

5.      I’m really enjoying listening to the podcast on Spotify now. It’s much easier for sure. If you have Spotify, search “Topper Sports Report” and subscribe. We need more new guests though, last week’s show felt too quick. 

6.      The three hottest teams in the TSL: Freeballers, Practice Squad, Sticky Bandits

7.      The three teams I would bet on having a fantastic next few weeks: Itches and Ohs, Grey Hair Don’t Care, Puckett All-Stars

8.      The three most fun teams in the TSL currently: Can’t Touch This, Travis Henry’s Kids, Cobblestone

9.      The three most disappointing teams in the TSL currently: Legends, Tight Ends In Motion, Bullet Club

10.  Early MVP votes: D1: Bobby McConnell, D2: Jonny Football, D3: Jeremy Burr, D4: Brandon “B” Ford, D5: Darryl Carr, D6: Pete Wallbrandt. But again, it’s early. 

Enjoy the last week of TSL football in May, as always email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to whine about whatever I said (or actually support your team), be nice to Jeff May, buy B’s Brother a drink (on Topper’s tab), vote on these power rankings lists so they aren’t terrible, and have a fantastic Memorial Day! 

-GF OUT

Week 8 TSL History Review, thoughts, picks, advice and stuff

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 03 June 2022 13:17

Published: Friday, 03 June 2022 13:17

Written by Patrick McGovern

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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, on Saturday, June 4th you will converge on the Fields at the Rose Garden to play in what is already Week 8 of the TSL Spring 2022 season. While the games will be fun and competitive, they will undoubtedly take a backseat to the first ever Official TSL Holiday: 

Lenny and Rameer Day! 

This is one of the hardest and easiest articles I ever have to write. You see, I’ve been informed that not everyone in the league knows WHY we have a Lenny and Rameer Day. So while the action on the field will be fantastic, I’m going to take a second to explain why Saturday is so important. This is mostly for the newcomers to the league, of course. The rest of you already know who we’re celebrating. 

I’ll try my best to keep it brief. I’ll most likely fail. 

To those that don’t know, Lenny Alba was the Commissioner for Life of the TSL. He was Topper’s best friend and he was a huge catalyst in why we even have a league in the first place. It’s pretty safe to say that there’s no TSL without him. Lenny had a larger than life personality, and he spoke about as fast as Speedy Gonzales on cocaine. Lenny would seek out TSLers, especially newer ones, to talk to and get to know. To make you feel included. He was the puppeteer of the TSL, creating storylines and making people “TSL Famous” for no reason other than he saw “She’s All That” the night before and figured he could do the same. And he did, just ask Mike Boccio. He had a knack of knowing what was going on in just about every TSL game, and he would talk about it. The reason the TSL banquet is so ridiculous? Lenny. The reason B’s Brother is a National Treasure? Lenny. He’s the reason we have a podcast, just so more people can get involved with the league (and maybe so he could further his own story lines). He had a big heart, and once he got to know you, you were in trouble. Many TSLers reading this have been assaulted by rapid fire text message conversations with Lenny, who described himself as a “14 year old girl” when it came to texts. Even more TSLers have had a moment where they looked at their phone to see who was calling, saw it was Lenny, and immediately cleared their schedules for the next two hours, because there was no such thing as a short phone call with Lenny Alba. He loved this league like no other, especially his Public Enemy family. The joy in his voice when we’d have our weekly conversations for this article when it came to them was nearly vomit inducing. I’m sure some of you will read this on Friday. Don’t ever forget how much he loved you guys. For me, as life took me away from the league that I enjoyed and moved me to Des Moines, Iowa nearly a decade ago, Lenny still kept in touch. He had me write this article, and every week we’d talk forever about the games so I’d have enough info. Did he occasionally tell me who to write about? Maybe. Did he suggest that I write like a rabid 7 year old so that people would think he was doing it? Perhaps. Remember, The Godfather doesn’t wear glasses. Lenny did. He couldn’t have been me. But a lot of you sure believed he was. And that was the beauty of Lenny. He toed the line of what people thought things were and what they really are so perfectly. He was a generous human being that pulled off enough stunts in the TSL’s history that even over three years since his death, there’s a glimmer of uncertainty in many TSLers’ minds whether or not he faked his own death just to see if he could do it. It can’t be ruled out. 

The Yin to Lenny’s Yang, however, was Rameer Green. Whereas Lenny would be loud and boisterous, always laughing and smiling, Rameer would be a bit more tame, and he’d wear his signature scowl as he roamed the sidelines or hung out at the bar. But don’t get that confused with him being a full on curmudgeon (although, he has told me before that he can indeed be one). Rameer earned his nickname of “Dirtiest Player in the Game” by perhaps taking liberties with some of the rules while he was on the field, and he’d be the first person to steal a great player for his team. Rameer would work his way into becoming the Director of Officiating for the league, and he became the all important ‘3rd man’ in the TSL management world, often casting the deciding vote in the various Topper vs Lenny debates on anything from rules, to suspensions, to if we should have limbo contests to determine who gets the ball. He was a cool head in a sometimes chaotic world, who would be reasonable most of the time. He cared so much about making sure the refs were up to date that anytime there was something wrong or a change that was made, the refs knew that they were going to open a 20,000 word email about something that could’ve been explained in 20 words. Ask them. But where Rameer excelled the most was with the people. Rameer worked his way into being the TSL’s unofficial welcoming committee. A very, very high percentage of TSLers’ “first person they met that they didn’t know before coming to football” is Rameer. He would find players who were “balling out” in the lower divisions in order to get to know them, or more than likely try to get them on his team. Sometimes it was because they could play, other times it was because they looked really good in yoga pants, but either way he reached out to many people. Rameer also went out of his way to make people feel included. But where Lenny would be a huge personality about it, Rameer would have that lowkey one on one with you. He’d really connect with you on a deeper level. Behind that scowl lied a heart of gold, and he truly got to know someone. When “league drama” would occur, Lenny would make a spectacle of it to make people laugh and we move on from it. Rameer would sneak in behind the scenes while the others were distracted to make sure you were okay. He was as genuine as they come. 

Their styles may have been nearly direct opposite most of the time, but the goals remained the same: be invested in the people. Take care of them. The whole reason the TSL is a family is largely because these two men made it that way. 

Sadly, tragedy struck the TSL in March of 2019. Lenny had some health issues he was working on, and while the prognosis was improving, he passed away in his sleep. It was the lowest point in league history, and a blow not many people were 100% sure we’d survive. But we did. The TSL as a whole stepped up to help try to fill the void Lenny left. Rameer would assume ‘#2’ duties and become an even bigger voice in the league. He did an amazing job with that, and despite everything that happened with Lenny, the league was stronger than ever because of Rameer’s efforts. We had survived our darkest days. I got to know Rameer a lot better during these days as he took it upon himself to feed me information to keep the article going strong, and I’d like to say it did. And just when things seemed to be getting back to normal for us, we found out Rameer had cancer. He had to have some surgeries, and he even lost an eye in the process. But he fought and he fought it hard. Covid had just started, and we had to cancel the Spring 2020 football season. It took away the ability for most of us to see Rameer when he needed us the most. Sadly, on June 4th, 2020, Rameer lost his battle with cancer. It was Lenny’s birthday. 

So that’s why tomorrow is so important to the league. We’re celebrating the two most important “Non-Topper” people in league history. Celebrating their lives, their friendship, and the lasting impression they’ve left on all of us. Neither of them would want this attention, which is exactly why Topper is giving it to them. 

When you’re listening to the band, or getting B’s Brother’s autograph, or eating ice cream, or hopefully getting some drink specials at the bar, or whatever else Topper has planned for the day, just remember to raise a glass to Lenny and Rameer. Even if you never got to know them personally, their presence is all around this league. Have fun, because that’s what they’d want you to do. 

With that, ‘get to this week’s action. Remember that with the many, many crossover D1-D2 games, we’re just combining them. 

D1/D2:

Last Week’s Crossover Games:

Tight Ends In Motion 34, Dilfs 23

Sticky Bandits 48, The Notorious BNB 14

Legends 43, When Dove Cries 14

Eyes Downtown 49, Bullet Club 16

Well, there goes any chance the league has of adding multiple teams to D1. In a perfect world, we would’ve seen a few upsets to show that D2 teams can absolutely hang with D1 teams. That isn’t the case here at all. Despite a valiant effort from the Dilfs, the other teams have lost in some sort of 40+ points to two touchdowns fashion. While I had been told they all start close, the D1 teams put their foot on the gas and rocked the second half. Not the best day for management. 

Last Week’s D2 Games: 

Gray Hair Don’t Care 24, Passed Our Prime 23

Scared Hitless 29, When Dove Cries 24

Scared Hitless remains the class of D2, putting up another win within their division to pull closer to the 1st overall seed. The problem is that the team right behind them is Grey Hair now, who, after a 4th straight win this season, is the only D2 team to beat Scared Hitless. That means they hold the tiebreaker, and they only sit one game behind. Exciting stuff brewing in D2. 

This Week’s Crossover Games: 

Eyes Downtown vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+10) - The hottest team in D1 takes on the hottest team in D2. Grey Hair needs this game in order to chase down Scared Hitless for the #1 seed in D2, and a loss to ED would clinch it for SH. Eyes have been so good lately, and they’re dialed in. Grey Hair’s win streak looks less impressive when you see they’ve been winning by one point. They’re not ready for this one. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 14

Legends vs Passed Our Prime (+14) - The “Sean” Bowl. I’m not sure which team he’ll decide to play for, but POP needs him more. There’s a world where POP can win a multi-team tiebreaker for the #1 seed. The Legends can win the #1 seed themselves, but their “bye” comes in the form of playing Tight Ends In Motion. There’s just a talent disparity here. LEGENDS BY 10

Scared Hitless vs Tight Ends In Motion (EVEN) - The worst D1 team vs the best D2 team is a very intriguing matchup here. I’m quite interested to see how these two match up. SCARED HITLESS BY 8

This Week’s D2 Games:

When Dove Cries vs Bullet Club (+8) - If Bullet Club is going to avoid going winless on the season, this would be the game for them to do it in. Neither team has been impressive, they’re a combined 1-13 on the season, and the win was WDC beating BC in their previous meeting. WHEN DOVE CRIES BY 12

DILFs vs The Notorious BNB (+7) - Both teams are coming off crossover losses, but one team looked competent while the other looked a bit rough. BNB might have a backup QB throwing for them as Alex had a child (congrats!), which means it doesn’t look good for BNB here. DILFS BY 14

D3:

Last Week’s Games:

Sleezin Szn 34, Freeballers 26

The Untouchaballs 46, Buffalo Vice 21

Show Me Dem TDs 36, Sleezin Szn 34

Frodo Swaggins 38, 4th And Something 28

Itches and Ohs 36, Show Me Dem TDs 35

Naturally, the Freeballers have a huge week and fall on their face immediately after, giving Sleezin their first win. Sleezin would go on to lose a nail biter to SMDTDs, who would then go on to lose a nail biter against Itches and Ohs. The Untouchaballs bounced back nicely with a big win over Buffalo Vice, which gave us our #1 vs #2 female matchup in Melanie vs Caitlyn. Fun fact, most people gave the edge to Caitlyn. Perhaps we need a new ranking sooner than we thought. Finally, Frodo Swaggins helped 4th&S continue their slide, walking away with a win. 

This Week’s Games:

Itches and Ohs vs Sleezin Szn (+3) - Both teams still feel a little shaky this season, so this is a big game on both ends as they look to head into the playoffs with a bit of a win streak. ITCHES AND OHS BY 2

The Untouchaballs vs Sleezin Szn (+10) - Getting this juggernaut of a team heading into the back half of a double header just doesn’t sound fun for anyone. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 17

Frodo Swaggins vs Show Me Dem TDs (+10) - Don’t look now, but SMDTDs is starting to play good football, and the results are due to turn in thier favor, right? Add into the fact that Frodo is getting too close to the top of the standings again, and that usually means they’re in for a let down. SHOW ME DEM TDS BY 4

Freeballers vs Show Me Dem TDs (+8) - The high of winning against Frodo (maybe) won’t matter here. After suffering a let down last week, look for the Freeballers to fix what didn’t work last time and get it moving in the right direction this time around. FREEBALLERS BY 19

Itches and Ohs vs 4th And Something (+6) - I think the trash talk in this game could be top notch, but right now there’s nothing that makes me want to pick 4th and Something in a game. Not until the playoffs anyway. ITCHES AND OHS BY 10

Freeballers vs Buffalo Vice (+20) - Okay, I have inside information that Vice is going to be super shorthanded from Dan. It was going to be close but I’m not sure Vice can come anywhere near Freeballers very short handed. FREEBALLERS BY 17

D4:

Last Week’s Games:

TOX 28, Varsity Has Beens 27

Can’t Touch This 35, XMD 34

ILF 38, TOX 23

Spinelli’s Plumbing 22, Vaspian 16

Puckett All-Stars 48, Today’s Feast 19

Practice Squad 34, Zack Attack 24

TOX needed a big win to stay alive for the playoff race and got it! But then they fell short against ILF and I believe that eliminated them from playoff competition. Can’t Touch This remains the TSL’s hottest team with ANOTHER victory, this time over XMD. Spinelli’s got a win in those cursed jerseys to end the losing streak over Vaspian, who’s starting a losing streak of their own. Puckett just dominated Today’s Feast as they round into shape of being the first round underdog that wins in the playoffs. Finally, Practice Squad wins again, putting Zack Attack in their place, and currently out of the playoffs. 

This Week’s Games:

Puckett All-Stars vs Varsity Has Beens (+10) - VHB has played well for a brand new team, but not quite well enough. Here’s hoping they’re learning and will be back in the fall. They need to win out to go 4-5 and have a shot at the playoffs, but it doesn’t look likely when you consider just how good PAS has been. PUCKETT ALL STARS BY 10

Can’t Touch This vs International Lightning Falcons (EVEN) - A very even matchup pitting the 22nd and 23rd ranked teams in the TSL. CTT has a Differential of +2, ILF is at -6. They’re both 4-3. This is going to be a great game, and one that will determine which of these teams is actually for real. CAN'T TOUCH THIS BY 2

Zack Attack vs Today’s Feast (+10) - This is a true “Loser leaves town” match, as both of these teams need a win to keep their playoff hopes alive. A loss would give the winner the tiebreaker edge and almost certainly prevent the other from passing them in the standings. There’s a bunch at stake here. ZACK ATTACK BY 12

Cunning Stunts vs Spinelli’s Plumbing (+7) - Spinelli’s COULD keep pace with the Stunts but there’s nothing they’ve been doing lately that suggests that they will. We haven’t seen SP struggle to score and win games like this since 2020 or so. The Stunts roll on. CUNNING STUNTS BY 3

Vaspian vs TOX (+8) - TOX is playing better for sure, and they’re catching Vaspian at the right time as Vaspian has looked a bit shaky the last few weeks.  On the other hand, maybe TOX is the cure for what ails them. VASPIAN BY 3

D5:

Last Week’s Games:

716 15, Passing While Intoxicated 14

Not So Sticky 77, Two Tuddies 16

Only two D5 games last week, and they were something. 716 picked up another win over PWI in a game where both offenses really struggled. On the other side of the coin, Not So Sticky scored 77 points with Christine Krol playing QB, which is a real fantastic story there. I guess both teams played with female QBs for fun. Looking forward to their probable 8-9 matchup in the playoffs. 

This Week’s Games:

Come From Behind vs Passing While Intoxicated (+9) - PWI just feels a bit off here, and their offense hasn’t done too much at all this season. It’s common for a new team to struggle as they acclimate to the TSL life. CFB, meanwhile, has played in this league since the beginning of time. They know how to play the game. COME FROM BEHIND BY 19

TMA vs Two Tuddies (+16) - The worst thing for a team that’s finding their way on offense is to have to play a team that’s been known for their awesome defense for like 6 seasons. TMA BY A MILLION (or 17). 

716 vs Tater Tots (+7) - The Tots’ biggest weakness this season has been their offense, which was marred by injury early on. 716 hadn’t really had a problem scoring until last week’s 15 point output. If the Tots can slow the 716 offense, they’ll be able to pull out a victory. TATER TOTS BY 1

Red Zone Mafia vs Not So Sticky (+8) - Word is that NSS will be completely Krol-less this week, which means the inmates are running the asylum there. With no direction, look for RZM to keep up their nice season so far. RED ZONE MAFIA BY 17

Cobblestone vs Red Zone Mafia (+12) - Darryl Carr, QB Superstar is ready to take on some of his former teammates of the past here with his new superteam. I’m not sure I like RZM’s chances here. COBBLESTONE BY 20

D6: 

Last Week’s Games:

Woodpeckers 28, Blitzkrieg 22

Travis Henry’s Kids 40, Woodpeckers 33

Lenny’s Ladies 45, Lettuce Win 38

Southside 25, Blitzkrieg 18

You know when you break up with someone and you don’t want to see them thriving after? That’s sort of how I feel when I see Blitzkrieg losing two more games this week. It hurts a bit because I still care, but until they change for me, I have to watch from afar. The Woodpeckers beat BK and then gave THK a run for their money before ultimately losing. Lenny’s Ladies got a win over Lettuce Win in the 3rd game those teams have played. Finally, Southside scraped together a win of their own against Blitzkrieg. 

This Week’s Games: 

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Southside (+40) - The last time these two teams played, THK won by a landslide and the game had to stop early. After that performance only a few weeks ago, it’s hard to believe in Southside here. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 27

Woodpeckers vs Lettuce Win (EVEN) - The Peckers have been playing some decent football this season, even if they weren’t all translating to wins. Lettuce Win has been doing the same too, and it appears they have a new league superstar in the making with “The Iceberg” who is apparently 6’7, can jump 12 feet in the air, and catches everything. The Woodpeckers do have Dan Farinacci who can cover him though, so that could be a fun matchup. WOODPECKERS BY 8

Lenny’s Ladies vs Blitzkrieg (EVEN) - There’s always close games with these two, including earlier this season. However it’s seeming like BK usually pulls it out as of late. Hard to go against that. BLITZKRIEG BY 18

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

1.      What will Lenny and Rameer Day entail? While i’m sure there’s more that Topper didn’t even tell me, there will be a band playing from 12-4, he’ll have some TSL merchandise available for sale (including some “surprise stuff”, whatever that means), there’s an ice cream truck coming, I believe the wheels will be spinning for shots, and I’m sure there will be a dunk tank. He also claims Thurman Thomas will be at the fields as well. It’s going to be so much fun. 

2.      Who’s the hottest player in the league? Let me tell you about Johnny F’N Football, who took it upon himself to email me and let me know that he’s on the hottest team in D1 AND in D2 and he’s called his shot that he’s going to win both titles. Who can stop him? 

3.      Have you subscribed/followed our Social Media yet? Remember, the TSL Podcast is now on Spotify, and we can use more follows and likes on Facebook (Topper Sports, LLC), instagram (@topper_sports_league), and Twitter (@toppersportsllc). The more you interact with the league, the more we’ll know what you want. 

4.      I’ve heard rumors that B’s Brother is doing his own Top Females List, is this true? B’s Brother was the originator of the Top Females In The League list, and from what I hear he’s allegedly working on his own list. Genius like this takes time, so we must wait for him. 

5.      Can I be on the podcast? Many people want to be on the podcast I hear, but it seems like guests have been harder to come by. Talk to Joe K, Topper, Krol, Trish or whoever and get on the show! 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

1.      Breakfast Club Predictions: 

a.      Trish’s Tiny Disasters 37, Dominatrix 34

b.      Jennatalia 35, The Escourts 24

c.      Liddle Deaks 41, Steph Infection 38

2.      Here are the Top Games this week: 

a.      9:00 - Eyes Downtown vs Grey Hair Don’t Care

b.      10:00 - Itches and Ohs vs Sleezin Szn

c.      11:00 - When Dove Cries vs Bullet Club

d.      12:00 - Tight Ends In Motion vs Scared Hitless

e.      1:00 - 716 vs Tater Tots

f.       2:00 - Lettuce Win vs Woodpeckers

g.      3:00 - Red Zone Mafia vs Cobblestone

3.      I’ve heard reports that Cookie and Elmo are currently on strike and are in intense negotiations with Topper on new contracts. Will they show up to the fields? 

4.      Your Lenny and Rameer Day weather forecast looks to be about 65 degrees and sunny! Perfect football day! 

5.      The Wine Tournament is August 13th and teams are starting to form up. It’s limited availability so don’t delay in signing up whenever Topper opens registration!

6.      Again, if you have more to say about your team’s games and can give info about your players, hype them up like the others do and email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. !

7.      Also, I want to do a “mailbag” type article next week, so take a second to fire off some questions to me about the league and see if you make the article! I want to know what’s important to YOU. 

8.      I see we have even more TSLers stepping up and refereeing this weekend, thank you all for helping make this league the best in the business. 

9.      The Race for Social Co-Ed Football immortality is going to be intense as we get closer and closer to playoffs. Please remember to not be a “Travis” and yell at the refs, or other players, or be a bad sport in general. Nobody wants that. You’ll be punished accordingly. 

10.  If everyone brings a lawnmower to the fields this week, we’ll probably be able to have the grass properly cut for such a big day. Just to be safe. Bring a lawnmower, get a beer from Topper.

And that will do it for this week, everyone go out and celebrate Lenny and Rameer Day as best as you can this Saturday. Drink, laugh, and tell stories. That’s what they would’ve wanted: everyone together, as a family. Who knows? Maybe I’ll show up for it. 

-GF OUT

Week 6 Thoughts, Picks Predictions & Stuff

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 20 May 2022 11:33

Published: Friday, 20 May 2022 11:33

Written by Patrick McGovern

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We’ve gotten over the hump, TSLers.

The TSL #Spring2022 Season is now officially on the backend of the regular season. I know, it seems like just yesterday that the hope and wonder that every new season has was upon us. 

Not anymore. As I’ve said before, we’ve really begun to see who teams are. Some teams’ early misfires have been erased with some wins (Can’t Touch This), yet others still can’t get anything together (Bullet Club). That works both ways of course, with some really hot starts looking like they were prophetic of what was to be (Cobblestone), while others look like their early success was perhaps a farce (Spinelli’s Plumbing). 

With most teams having played half their games (as somehow it's Week 6 and handful of teams have only played THREE games!), it can only mean one thing: It’s time for the Updated Championship Odds! 

Let’s get right to work and discuss who’s clearly winning the championship. 

D1:

Odds To Win The Championship: 

Legends (3-1)

Eyes Downtown (6-1)

Sticky Bandits (10-1)

Tight Ends In Motion (20-1)

The Synopsis:  The Legends come in as the favorites still, but they’re not punishing D1 as previously thought. My various sources say this comes as a result of not always having their high caliber players available, and Travis’ play bringing down the more talented players around him. Eyes Downtown figured out whatever they needed to figure out early on, and have been winning since, going 3-0. The team is firing on all cylinders, making them ready to steal the D1 crown. Sticky Bandits have put up more of a fight in D1 this year than ever before. I’m not sure Mike Thomas was the best QB overall when he was named that in the early season, but don’t let that distract that he’s really damn good. The Sticky offense is the best it’s ever been, but conversely, that defense might be at its worst. If they don’t figure something out, they’ll be on the outside looking in. Finally, and this feels weird to say, Tight Ends is the worst team in D1 right now. I’m sure that’s got everything to do with bringing Ben Stack back onto the team. We’ve mentioned before that if they didn’t overcome the big, big losses they’ve had on the roster this year, they’d be in trouble, and now I hear they even have issues getting any women to the fields, after routinely rolling out 5 of them. 20-1 odds might have been too nice, but I didn’t make them. 

Midseason Prediction: Eyes Downtown upsets the Legends in the championship. 

Last Week’s Games:

Sticky Bandits 33, Scared Hitless 30 (Crossover Game)

Legends 38, Tight Ends In Motion 16

Eyes Downtown 49, Sticky Bandits 48

Legends beat down a sad TEIM, Sticky survives a very game Scared Hitless before dropping a heartbreaker to Eyes Downtown. 

This Week’s Games:

Legends vs Sticky Bandits (+3) - I think in every Sticky game you just take the points right? Its going to end up being a 1-2 point game every time. The Legends took a 30-29 win last time, and that feels about right here. LEGENDS BY 1

Eyes Downtown vs Tight Ends In Motion (+9) - A classic contest that pits a team that’s on fire versus a bunch of has beens on the downslope. The only difference is that there’s no way Eyes Downtown is overlooking TEIM, because they know how dangerous that can be. The train keeps rolling. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 6

D2: 

Odds To Win The Championship:

Scared Hitless (4-1)

Passed Our Prime (6-1)

The Notorious BNB (6-1)

DILFs (10-1)

Grey Hair Don’t Care (15-1)

When Dove Cries (18-1, but then Topper came back, so 25-1)

Bullet Club (50-1)

The Synopsis: Scared Hitless was 4-0, riding high into last week before dropping a game to the Sticky Bandits by 3. I don’t know what happened after that game, but the 14-0 loss to Grey Hair was VERY concerning. They’re still the best team in the division. Passed Our Prime is a super charged version of what they were before. The only difference is they have some actual difference makers on offense, with Sean and Kyle, and that’s made them even more insane to watch. The defense is still just awful, but when you can score on any play, the best defense is a good offense, I guess. The Notorious BNB is a very solid 3-1 and they’ve been playing good football, as they do. They might have the smartest team in the division, and that can always go a long way. The Dilfs are the usual up and down. They’re in most games, and as long as they learn how to count down from 5, they’ll be more than a tough out. Grey Hair is starting to “get it” and that’s exciting. With the exception of the DILFs hammering them Week 1, every game they’ve played so far has been a 1 score game, and they’ve won 3 of them, including avenging the early season loss. They’ll more than likely be in the 4-5 matchup, but that’s a scary place to be for whoever plays them. When Dove Cries has their own growing pains this season. Replacing an entire female core is always difficult, but getting Cheryl, and having Talia’s breakout season in D2 really helped. Now that Topper has finally come off the IR, we’ll really see what this team is made of in the coming weeks. Finally, Bullet Club brings up the rear. I wanted to give them a million to 1 odds, because it looks like everything in the world is going wrong for them, but realistically they’re a team with arguably more experience than anyone else in the division and them figuring things out, while unlikely, isn’t impossible. 

Midseason Prediction: Passed Our Prime beats The Notorious BNB for the championship. 

Last Week’s Games:

Sticky Bandits 33, Scared Hitless 30 (Crossover Game)

Dilfs 34, When Dove Cries 29

Passed Our Prime 27, Bullet Club 8

Grey Hair Don’t Care 14, Scared Hitless 0

The Notorious BNB 54, Bullet Club 14

Grey Hair Don’t Care 40, Dilfs 39

Scared Hitless goes from 4-0 to 4-2 really quickly, dropping their crossover game and then being unable to put up any points against Grey Hair. Grey Hair took their big win over SH and doubled down, beating the Dilfs on the scoreboard and in counting backwards, most notably from 10 seconds. The Dilfs would also win the earlier game against WDC, but that doesn’t matter because TOPPER PICKED OFF TRAVIS IN THE END ZONE IN HIS RETURN GAME, which honestly shouldve just given WDC the win. Bullet Club lost two games combined 81-32 and are a complete mess. BC QB Dylan threw more TDs to the other team than to his own players, in an act we can only assume was an homage to the aforementioned Topper return. 

This Week’s Games:

Scared Hitless vs When Dove Cries (+7) - About as much of a “must win” game for both teams as we can get in a division where everyone makes the playoffs. Scared Hitless needs a bounce back from last week while WDC needs to get a feel good win to get the ball rolling now that their leader has returned. WHEN DOVE CRIES BY 3

The Notorious BNB vs DILFS (Even) - This should be a close, fun game. Lots of good players involved in this one, with some of the better minds in the league. THE NOTORIOUS BNB BY 8

D3:

Odds To Win The Championship:

The Untouchaballs (2-1)

4th & Something (5-1)

Freeballers (7-1)

Frodo Swaggins (9-1)

Itches and Ohs (10-1)

Buffalo Vice (11-1)

Sleezin Szn (20-1)

Show Me Dem TDs (40-1)

The Synopsis: Death, Taxes, Jeremy Burr wins. Those are the only things that are currently guaranteed in life right now it seems. The Untouchaballs have blown out the competition and I’m excited to see what they do in D2 next season, regardless on if they win or not. 4th & Something is still having a good season, and thier only loss was to the Untouchaballs. You know they’re excited to get going on that rematch as soon as they can. As much as I talk smack about the Freeballers, they’ve played well in their three games. It’s hard to get a good read on them with such a small sample size though. Frodo is exciting as hell to hear about each week. They’re going to score, but the question will always be will they stop anyone. Itches and Ohs had its star female, Laura Streeter, call her shot on the podcast that they were going to win D3. They haven’t yet looked the part of a D3 champion, but I wouldn’t count them out. Buffalo Vice emailed me, and they’re winning now. They boast arguably the best female playing in the league today with Caitlyn Mason, and they know how to unleash her. Add into the fact that they’re finding thier rhythm on offense now, and you’re remembering that “Oh yeah, these guys destroyed D4 last year”. Darkhorse contender written all over them. Sleezin Szn has played well, but not really well enough and they might be missing a piece or two to really compete this season. Show Me Dem TDs is another team that added some star power in the offseason, but all we’ve seen so far is that they haven’t figured out how to use it. When it comes to Sleezin and to SMDTDs though, don’t forget that they’ve also only played 3 games and have some extra wiggle room to figure it out. 

Midseason Prediction: The Untouchaballs beat Itches and Ohs in the championship game. 

Last Week’s Games:

Buffalo Vice 47, Frodo Swaggins 46

The Untouchaballs 37, Show Me Dem TDs 15

A real light day for D3 last week that saw Buffalo Vice steal a win against Frodo in an exciting game at the last second, and then The Untouchaballs just rolled through SMDTDs in what is probably going to be a first round playoff preview at this rate. 

This Week’s Games:

4th & Something vs Sleezin Szn (+7) - 4&S is looking to get back in the win column after a week off to continue what has been a pretty nice season for the Keller clan. Sleezin really does have a lot to work out before they can make some real noise. Hopefully they can find what works for them. But, this isn’t the best matchup for them. 4TH & SOMETHING BY 18

Buffalo Vice vs Show Me Dem TDs (+9) - Vice vs Uncle Rico’s, a tale as old as time. Okay, SMDTDs isn’t quite the time travelers they used to be, but there’s a few similar parts. As SMDTDs are trying to figure it out, like I said, Buffalo Vice already has to a degree. I have a feeling we’ll see Vice get an old school blowout win here. BUFFALO VICE BY 24

4th & Something vs Freeballers (+2) - The game should probably be even here. Real big matchup for D3, as if the Freeballers are going to prove anything to anyone, they’re going to need to win this game right here. A win over 4&S, even if they’re on a doubleheader, would normally solidify FB as a top contender. . . 

The Untouchaballs vs Freeballers (+8) - . . . but not as much as this one will. The scheduling gods (Or, Lords I guess) did Freeballers zero favors with this doubleheader of doom here. The Untouchaballs are essentially the “final boss” of D3 right now. If Freeballers can pull off this 2-0 day, I’ll write them an official apology next week. 

Before I forget: 4TH AND SOMETHING BY 7, THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 10

D4:

Odds To Win The Championship:

Vaspian (4-1)

Cunning Stunts (4-1)

Practice Squad (6-1)

Spinelli’s Plumbing (10-1)

Puckett All-Stars (12-1)

XMD (14-1)

Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (14-1)

Zack Attack (15-1)

Cant Touch This (17-1)

Today’s Feast (18-1)

Varsity Has Beens (20-1)

TOX (1,000,000 - 1)

The Synopsis: Good luck trying to figure out who’s going to win this mess of a Division. If you would’ve told me at the beginning of the season that both Zack Attack and the Lightning Falcons would be on the outside looking in for the playoffs, I would’ve told you you’re nuts. But that’s where we are right now. Vaspian has had a hell of a season, they’re 5-0, and they’ve beaten some big guns along the way. One of those big guns are the Cunning Stunts, who they only beat by a point, and if there’s anything harder than beating them twice in one season, i don’t know what is. Practice Squad is right behind them, but to be honest they haven’t had a difficult schedule on the way to 4-1 so far. The only big game they’ve had is against Vaspian, where they lost obviously. Spinelli’s WAS destroying anyone in their path and then they hit some sort of cosmic speed bump that’s prevented them from winning since. Puckett’s three losses, for the record are Vaspian (2 point loss), Cunning Stunts (1 point loss), and Practice Squad (4 point loss). There’s a world where they’re 5-0 and the toast of the league. Do NOT let the 2-3 record fool you. This team is a major player in D4. XMD is finding their legs a bit now as the season goes on. They’re on a winning streak, and they’re looking to continue that, but the schedule does get a little harder than it’s been. It’ll be interesting to see how this team reacts. ILF isn’t in the playoffs, but I really expect they’ll be there at season’s end. This team is too talented on both sides of the ball to not be. Zack Attack’s 15-1 odds are being nice. The offense has averaged only 13 points for 3 straight weeks now, which tells me that everyone has amnesia or they all decided to get tapeworms together to get more in shape, and instead they’re all sick from it. Whatever the case may be, this team has been the most disappointing team as of late, and they’ve played like they should be on the outside of the playoffs. It’ll be fun watching them battle back to get in there. Can’t Touch This has won two in a row now, and they told off Topper on a podcast, so right now they’re being blessed by Lenny from above. They’re figuring things out on both sides of the ball, and perhaps they have an unlikely playoff run in them? Probably not, but from all reports, QB Ryan is a stud, and that can go a long way in D4. Today’s Feast is another team that’s starting to rack up the wins and the points. They battled from “definitely missing the playoffs” to “Started from the bottom now we here”. Of course, “here” is the middle of the pack, but in this Royal Rumble of D4, that’s saying something. Here’s hoping they continue it. Varsity Has Beens was recently explained to me by one of my informants as “A couple of hockey players trying to play football” and that could explain the 1-3 start and some growing pains. Of course, that also means they’re athletic and could surprise some people. A good first season so far, with hopefully some more wins along the way. Finally, TOX is having the season from hell. Wrong division, a weak QB, and I've been told they don’t even run the bar like they used to. Sad to see. 

Midseason Prediction: Cunning Stunts beat Puckett All-Stars in the championship game, one of Zack Attack and ILF miss the playoffs completely. But not both. 

Last Week’s Games:

Can’t Touch This 46, Spinelli’s Plumbing 29

Today’s Feast 36, ILF 20

Vaspian 22, Practice Squad 15

Puckett All-Stars 32, Zack Attack 17

Can’t Touch This shocks the Social Co-Ed Football World by smacking the taste out of Spinelli’s mouths unexpectedly. This really shook up the division, especially since Today’s Feast dunked on ILF, and now the race to make the playoffs in D4 is INCREDIBLY EXCITING. Two playoff worthy teams will miss out on the “Top 8”. Meanwhile, Vaspian continues to roll against top challengers in the division, and Puckett gets the win they were searching for, a nice one over Zack Attack. 

This Week’s Games:

Cant Touch This vs Today’s Feast (Even) - A massive game for the now white hot playoff race! This game is HUGE for tiebreaker reasons, and it has Game of the Day potential. Two of the TSL’s hottest teams are going at it, and it makes me wish I wasn’t stuck in Iowa for it. CANT TOUCH THIS BY 3

Cunning Stunts vs XMD (+7) - The best way for us to know if XMD really has shaken off the rust or not is a date with the ladies. The Stunts are just exactly what you’ve expected of them, talented ladies that know what they’re doing. XMD has the knowledge to win the game, they just need to execute. Look for a close one, but not close enough for XMD. CUNNING STUNTS BY 3

Vaspian vs Zack Attack (+29) - Remember when Zack Attack was that “super good defense”? Yeah, me neither. Vaspian, however, is what Zack Attack used to be. Vicious on defense, and scoring enough points to win games. Until Zack Attack figures out offense, their playoff lives are in serious doubt here. VASPIAN BY 18

ILF vs Varsity Has Beens (+7) - ILF has put themselves in position to really need a victory here. A loss against the Varsity Has Beens would actually vault VHB over ILF in the standings, and that might all but guarantee that the Falcons miss the playoffs. It also would breathe life in to Varsity’s own playoff hopes, so this game is legitimately huge for both sides. You have to believe experience comes into play here though, right? ILF BY 3

Cunning Stunts vs Practice Squad (+6) - The Stunts don’t have as deep of a roster has they’ve had in past years. Rameer used to say having a gender team roster of 17 deep was the way to go, and the Stunts currently have a roster of 8 women. This doesn’t matter since most of the ladies are superstars, but it comes into play when Renee leaves them to play for the Squad. Practice Squad needs this game to show they’re a player for the title. Also, the league doesn’t know just how good Kyle Geertman really is, but they will. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 4

XMD vs TOX (+10) - XMD goes from arguably thier hardest game to thier easiest. I don’t want to slam on TOX much more than I already have. They’re full of the best TSLers, and they’re just having a very, very unlucky time. This isn’t any luckier for them. XMD BY 12

Puckett All-Stars vs Spinelli’s Plumbing (+8) - Here’s the “pull up a chair and watch this game” game. It’s a travesty you’ll have to wait until 3:00 for this one, but I really feel these two will put on a show. Puckett is really starting to feel it, and Spinelli’s is really starting to feel the heat. This is a big matchup for positioning, and both of these teams can run with each other. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 1

D5:

Odds To Win The Championship:

Cobblestone (2-1)

TMA (3-1)

Red Zone Mafia (5-1)

Tater Tots (10-1)

716 (12-1)

Come From Behind (12-1)

Passing While Intoxicated (20-1)

Two Tuddies (30-1)

Not So Sticky (30-1)

The Synopsis: Cobblestone has some real talent for the first time in a long time. Every now and then Darryl picks off people from NFL Practice Squads (or he calls people who don’t get drafted as soon as the NFL draft ends and they think they’re signing with an NFL team as an undrafted free agent) and he goes on a nice winning streak. This is one of those seasons. Of course, it’s never once brought him a championship, so maybe this is the year? Not if TMA has anything to say about it. TMA stumbled a little bit there, but they’re still having a fantastic season in D5, and they’ll be there at the end to help decided who wins this division. Red Zone Mafia has been racking up some wins and hanging tough, and they do have a win against TMA to hang their hat on. The championship seems to run through these three. The next 3 have the Tater Tots, who unfortunately have been hurt by an injury to their QB. 716 is right there, but they haven’t been anything to write home about yet. They need something to really get them to the next level. Come From Behind is lower than I would’ve envisioned early in the season, but they started out slow. They’re coming on now, and their offense is really getting it together, which is what happens when Paul Lovullo is actually there. Even at 2-4, you can’t count them out. The last three aren’t going to win the championship, probably. PWI has been fun, but they’re still new and inconsistent. Colorado Mike gets rave reviews from anyone that talks to me about him, but we need to know more about that team. Two Tuddies is a great new team in the TSL, but unfortunately, it hasn’t translated to wins JUST yet. And Not So Sticky is known more for their hatred of Mother Earth and being litterbugs than they are for doing anything notable on the field. Even in the game they tied, they stole the Tuddies first win from them at the buzzer. What a bunch of jerks. 

Midseason Prediction: Cobblestone beats TMA in the championship game. 

Last Week’s Games:

Red Zone Mafia 51, Passing While Intoxicated 12

TMA 26, Passing While Intoxicated 12

716 57, Two Tuddies 8

Cobblestone 34, Tater Tots 14

Come From Behind 34, Not So Sticky 14

Red Zone Mafia continues their hot streak, putting up lots and lots of points on PWI. TMA then took a win from PWI as well, dropping PWI to 0-2 on the day. 716 couldn’t be stopped by the Tuddies, and they won in a landslide. Cobblestone gets Darryl back, and wins without an issue. Not surprising at all. Come From Behind proceeded to stomp out Not So Sticky rather easily themselves. 

This Week’s Games:

Come From Behind vs Two Tuddies (+12) - CFB is still on the war path as they make up the ground they lost early on. They’re getting hot, while the Tuddies are just treading water and figuring things out. Not the world’s best combination. COME FROM BEHIND BY 17

Cobblestone vs Not So Sticky (+18) - The top team in the league versus the not so top team in the league. This should be hard to watch for the families of NSS. COBBLESTONE BY 20

TMA vs 716  (+9) - Hey 716, remember when I said you’ve done nothing of note really? This is your perfect opportunity to do so. TMA is playing well (it’s already their 8th game of the season??) and a win for 716 can do wonders for their standing in the “championship conversation”. TMA BY 10

Red Zone Mafia vs Tater Tots (+7) - RZM has been rolling, and the Tots have been scrambling. Its always tough to lose your QB though, so its sort of understandable on the Tots end. It’ll be hard for them to keep pace. RED ZONE MAFIA BY 12

Red Zone Mafia vs 716 (+7) - Hey 716, remember when I said you’ve done nothing of note really? This is your perfect opportunity to do so. RZM is playing well (it’ll be thier 2nd game of the weekend!!)  and a win for 716 can do wonders for their standing in the “championship conversation”. RED ZONE MAFIA BY 10

D6:

Odds To Win The Championship:

Travis Henry’s Kids (2-1)

Southside (6-1)

Lettuce Win (12-1)

Lenny’s Ladies (15-1)

Blitzkrieg (20-1)

Woodpeckers (20-1)

The Synopsis: D6 is a two horse race, and unfortunately for everyone else, the horses’ names are John and Pete. THK had a Week 1 loss to Southside but after that they’ve looked every bit the future D5 team that they are. Southside got shook up a little bit there, but they’re still the best chance anyone else has to beat THK in the title game. Lettuce Win has two blowout wins under thier belts, and they have an outside shot at scoring an upset. Lenny’s Ladies is chock full of some of the best girls in the league (look how many adorn the recent “Best Active Females List” by the Power Rankings guys) and if they’re on, magic could happen, but probably not. Blitzkrieg still has no idea who they are anymore, and they’re really going to need to get it together in these next few weeks if they’re going to have a shot. Finally, the Woodpeckers started getting things going last week, so it’ll be interesting to see if they keep the ball rolling. 

Midseason Prediction: It’s chalk, but Travis Henry’s Kids take it over Southside. 

Last Week’s Games:

Woodpeckers 28, Lettuce Win 16

The Woodpeckers picked up their first win of the season over Lettuce Win while the other D6 games this week were rained out at 3:00. 

This Week’s Games:

Woodpeckers vs Blitzkrieg (+7) - Times are hard for Blitzkrieg, that’s for sure. It hasn’t been the best season, but there’s still time to right the ship. The Woodpeckers got their first win, and they’ve only played a couple of games so far this year. It’ll be a good game between two teams needing a win. Blitzkrieg needs it more. If they lose this one, I’m not sure there’s any hope left. BLITZKRIEG BY 8

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Southside (+10) - Well, this is about as “revenge game-y” as you’ll see in D6 this season. THK is on fire, and they’re looking to avenge their earlier loss, just as Southside is still putting the new pieces in place. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 15

Lettuce Win vs Lenny’s Ladies (+10) - Lettuce Win blew out the Ladies 48-8 in Week 1, and as always, this week’s game will depend on which girls show up for Lenny’s. I won’t expect the same blowout, but it does seem like Lettuce Win is a matchup nightmare for LL. LETTUCE WIN BY 12

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

1.      How do you feel about those Best Active Female rankings? These rankings are always subjective, and I feel like they’re all over the place right now. It’s hard to nail down rankings where some of the top females from before aren’t even playing, and others are in new spots. I guess that makes them more random. Melanie Linsmair is a fantastic player, although I think I personally would’ve voted for Caitlyn Mason. Cheryl Julicher should be higher. Katie Swanson and Emily Schilling are better than “honorable mention”. Amy Taylor too. But there’s been a wave of up and coming female talent that appear on the list (Besides Caitlyn and Melanie, there’s also slightly over ranked Amber Hay and Maddie Norton just to name a couple) which can only mean good things for the league’s future. 

2.      Did you hear about Travis vs Garbacz? Sadly, the most noteworthy news of the weekend came in a player blowing up at an official. It wasn’t the best of looks, but in my opinion (as I’ve poked at all article), people should be able to countdown for themselves in case the ref doesn’t. Should the ref? I don’t believe it’s a hard rule, just a cool thing to do for someone. Either way, there shouldn’t have been any delay, and there definitely shouldn’t have been any arguing afterwards. Travis, to his credit, asked for his own suspension and admitted he was incredibly wrong, per Topper. At least nobody spit on anyone. 

3.      Which predictions do you feel best about? Worst? Worst is the easy one, its D4. That place is a war zone and I commend those that step foot in it. As for best? Travis Henry’s Kids is too easy of a slam dunk, so to be a little spicy, I’ll go with D5 and Darryl getting that title win. I’d fly in from Iowa just to see that celebration. 

4.      Okay, but what are the best odds if you were to gamble on this? If you’re trying to not go chalk, and you want to bet on teams with higher odds to make “Topper Bucks”, here’s who to bet in each Division: Sticky Bandits (10-1), Grey Hair Don’t Care (15-1), Itches and Ohs (10-1), Zack Attack (15-1), Come From Behind (12-1), Woodpeckers (20-1). 

5.      Why no Breakfast Club odds? This week will mark the 5th week of Breakfast Club, which means everyone will have had played each other once after these games. As a result, i’ll wait for next week to get into that. 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

1.      You Buffalonians were in my thoughts after the horrific events of the last weekend. I hadn’t heard if anyone from the TSL were directly affected by the tragedy, but if anyone was, I know we’re all here for each other and you shouldn’t be afraid to reach out if you need someone to talk to. 

2.      Topper’s answer to returning to football was to go to Florida for a week. How convenient is that? 

3.      With that said, big shout out and congratulations to long time TSLer Tim Dove on his marriage to his beautiful bride Stephanie. No word yet on what he’s blackmailing her with to get her to do this, but we’ll get to the bottom of this eventually. 

4.      The 3:00 games that were rained out last week will be rescheduled soon enough. We weren’t supposed to have a 5th field for this part of the schedule, but since the construction hasn’t started, we have an open field to play with. 

5.      Breakfast Club Predictions: 

a.      Jennatalia 44, Dominatrix 22

b.      Steph Infection 37, Liddle Deaks 32

c.      Trish’s Tiny Disasters 38, The EsCourts 17

6.      Best Games to Watch Schedule: 

a.      10:00 - Can’t Touch This vs Today’s Feast

b.      11:00 - When Dove Cries vs Sleezin Szn

c.      12:00 - Zack Attack vs Vaspian

d.      1:00 - Freeballers vs 4th & Something

e.      2:00 - Travis Henry’s Kids vs Southside

f.       3:00 - Puckett All-Stars vs Spinelli’s Plumbing

7.      This is your weekly reminder that Lenny And Rameer Day is June 4th. Topper has lots of plans for the shenanigans, so if there was ever going to be a day to plan to stick around the fields, THIS IS IT. 

8.      Big winners from the last week: Can’t Touch This, Buffalo Vice, Today’s Feast, Vaspian

9.      Thank you to the newest people of the league that took a few minutes to email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to give me a heads up on their games and who’s on their teams. Don’t wait, go do it now! 

10.  It looks like it might be a little wet on Saturday, so good luck with that. And don’t forget to follow us on Spotify, Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook! YOU help the league be the best it can be. Keep supporting us! 

Week 6 is upon us, the games get a little chippier, the drops mean a bit more, and the touchdowns start to feel a little sweeter. Go get some. 

-GF OUT