Week 8 thoughts, picks, advice and stuff

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 02 October 2020 11:34

Published: Friday, 02 October 2020 11:34

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 9920

Ladies, Gentlemen, and Toppers of the TSL Universe!

Welcome for another edition of The Godfather! I’ll be your host, The Godfather!

Shocking, I know.

The TSL finds itself barreling into the postseason, and all we really seem to know is that we don’t know anything yet!

Okay, we know a few things. We know Why So Serious isn’t going to win D1. We know that Topper is going to have an early playoff exit. We know that at least two “favorites” in their divisions will fail miserably come playoff time. You know, the usual stuff.

But every time I think I know the answers, you change the questions.

Is Public Enemy dominant? Nope. Is PC Plumbing hopeless? Nope. Are The Angels the shoe-ins to win D4? Double nope.

But that’s the beauty of the most random season the TSL has had in its entire history, we just don’t know what will happen. Even when we think we have an idea, chances are fate will toss us a curveball or two. And that’s in a normal season. In the #TSL2020 silly season? Expect about 47 of them. Let’s get to the games. . .

D1:

Last Week’s Games:

 Marketing Mayors 49, Gryffindor 15

Marketing Mayors 37, Public Enemy 26

Gryffindor 30, Tight Ends In Motion 23

Well, here comes the Mayors to remind everyone that they’re not to be messed with. They showed up last week, shook up the division, and left. They reminded everyone that Gryffindor isn’t ready for the big time yet, but then they casually reminded Public Enemy that they’re the ones PE needs to look out for, NOT Eyes Downtown. You have to love the last minute swerve just before we get to the playoffs. This past Saturday reminded everyone that the Mayors existed, because I think we all forgot just a little bit how good they can be. Gryffindor would rebound to beat Tight Ends In Motion, but a lot of that would be because of the injury to Alex Buchlis, the TEIM QB. I was hearing that he may have torn his ACL, and if that’s the case, that’s just simply awful. I know that I’ve poked fun at Alex before, but this season he was proving everyone wrong, and it’s a shame that an injury like this happened to an extremely nice guy who doesn’t deserve it. I’m hoping that the reports are false and he’s okay, but it doesn’t seem like it. Good luck Alex.

This Week’s Games:

Eyes Downtown vs Why So Serious? (+16) – 16 may be a lot of points if ED isn’t going to have a good chunk of their team this week. I believe I had heard that Bobby won’t be attendance this weekend, for starters. I’d like to give a shout out to *NAME REDACTED*, Mr/Mrs. Redacted wrote me an awesome email explaining how the ED vs PE rivalry really isn’t that much of a thing anymore, at least to them. He/She didn’t want to make themselves known so that other teams won’t key in on them, so I have to keep them private. They also included a fantastic “band chart” analogy that covered all of the ED’s roster changes and moves over the years. The point is that the ED roster has changed a lot from year to year, so the bad blood just doesn’t really exist with most members of the team. For now. Anyway, Why So Serious is a team. They play in D1. Cool. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 14

Marketing Mayors vs Tight Ends In Motion (+8) – Not that TEIM really needs an excuse, or is even looking for one, but what an awful season for the injury bug for this squad. First Emily Curry goes down, and now they lose their QB for the season. I’m not sure who is going to be throwing for TEIM, but unless it’s Seth coming down from the heavens (He’s not dead, stop it) I can’t imagine this squad really getting it turned around. Maybe they’ll peel Matty Ice off the scrap heap? He’s sitting around as a free agent, isn’t he? I know rosters closed but how fun would an “emergency injury QB” be, especially if it was someone taking Matty out of cold storage (he’s more than likely locked in a beverage cooler, which explains his absence). Anyway, until then, the Mayors look to continue their dominance that they’ve started last weekend. MARKETING MAYORS BY 18

Public Enemy vs Why So Serious? (+14) -  WSS gets “Toppered” as they have a hell of a double header this week. Public Enemy has to be mad and ashamed after losing last week, they tend to not enjoy that very much. All that means is that they’re going to come out extremely focused this week, which means no catching them sleeping. And Chris Cole sleeps A LOT nowadays. That’s what happens after you turn 50. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 17

Eyes Downtown vs Tight Ends In Motion (+11) – There’s going to be quite a few starters from both sides missing this one, but ED just has the better healthier horses. Watch them run. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 12

Marketing Mayors vs Gryffindor (+10) – I mean, we *just* watched MM demolish Gryffindor by 34 points. I can’t imagine a world where that changes much after a week. MARKETING MAYORS BY 27

D2:

Last Week’s Scores:

SITE 45, Morning Wood 23

Dilf’s 43, Peachy Platoon 19

Dilf’s 35, SITE 22

HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO 48, Peachy Platoon 8

Bullet Club 38, Sticky Bandits 35

Jabronies 35, Morning Wood 24

Sticky Bandits 39, Jabronies 28

The Dilf’s are either really peaking at the right time, or they’re just having great scheduling luck playing teams without their starting QBs. Granted, having Dubey actually show up is a HUGE win for them, but the truth is that it’s a little of both. The Dilf’s are a good team, for sure, and there’s a good chance they go 2-0 regardless, but it would mean a bit more if they did something like, I don’t know, beat Peachy with Dean and SITE with Newman. Morning Wood went 0-2 and their story remains the same: They can score a bit, but they don’t know how to stop anyone. It’s not a surprise that the same weekend Topper’s sponsor, HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO finally opens, they remember how football works. Okay, word is that Val Bernal singlehandedly dragged Topper’s carcass to a win, but I don’t think he minds at all. Bullet Club notched their second last play victory of the season, this time against Sticky Bandits in what was a very, very good game. That’s playoff level good. Here’s hoping they do that again, and soon. Sticky would get a bit of revenge on the Jabronies later on, so they could go home moderately sober and moderately happy.

This Week’s Games:

Jabronies vs Bullet Club (+7) -  This should be a game very similar to last week’s Sticky/BC game. The Jabronies have been very good, but they were exposed a bit by a Sticky team that just lost to BC. The point is, both of these teams run variations of the Bakrol offense, (Dave Baker + Jeff Krol, for those who don’t know), and unfortunately for the Jabronies, Bullet Club just got more than enough practice in defending it last week. Will it help? I have no idea. These D2 games are always so close. JABRONIES BY 3 ON THE LAST PLAY OF THE GAME

Dilf’s vs HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO (+16) – It turns out that Val can’t play for Topper here, which puts him in a bind. It’ll be interesting to see which HB shows up for this battle. The one that finally looked like they did last season, or the ones that look, well, like a bunch of old people and Drew. Can you ‘win one for the gipper’ if most of your team IS the gipper? That’s something. DILFS BY 22

Morning Wood vs Peachy Platoon (EVEN) -  It turns out that not only was Peachy missing Dean last week, they were also missing half their guys, including Josh, who kindly informed me that while Dean gets the athletic credit, he’s the brains behind the operations, calling the plays and whatnot. He was also absent last week, which lead to lot of issues for the team. But, Josh is back for this one, and he gets to call some plays against a Morning Wood team that doesn’t know how to stop them. The only problem is that Peachy sorely lacks a QB. MORNING WOOD BY 7

Sticky Bandits vs Slytherin That End Zone (+1) – Last week I asked Gary to show me something, and all was showed was this was a .500 team performing well. Granted, they had QB issues, but I heard that the Newman replacement wasn’t half bad! Anyway, this is another great game waiting to happen in this division. While Sticky was happy to walk away with a win over the Jabronies, the Bullet Club loss is more than likely still sticking with them. A win over SITE will more than fix that. SITE meanwhile needs to continue to have a chip on their shoulder, they play much better when they think everyone doubts them than when they actually are favorites. Here’s another chip: STICKY BANDITS BY 3

Slytherin That End Zone vs Peachy Platoon (+4) – So, how can things go from bad to worse for SITE this week? Well, here’s something: DEAN THOMPSON IS SCHEDULED TO PLAY FOR PEACHY IN THIS GAME. Now, does that mean SITE is boned? Goodness no. These two teams have had some epic battles, but SITE doesn’t get the “walk in the park Peachy” that others have benefitted from this season. I can’t imagine a world where the Platoon doesn’t rally around its fearless leader, and as a result: PEACHY PLATOON BY 6

D3:

Last Week’s Scores:

Vaspian 26, Grey Hair 14

The Angels 41, The Untouchaballs 31 (D3/D4 Crossover Game)

VASPIAN WINS! VASPIAN WINS! WOOOOOOO! That’s the only story that matters coming out of last week in D3. Yep. That’s it. I’m not even close to sure what happened to Grey Hair this weekend, but it’s GREAT to see Vaspian finally get the W. The Untouchaballs learned what it’s like to lose the Angels, but they can hold their heads high when you consider that everyone loses to the Angels.

This Week’s Games:

All We Do Is Quinn vs Vaspian (+15) – While the euphoria of a win got Vaspian through the week, the cold truth is that reality is coming for them in the form of AWDIQ. No matter how many inspiring “look at our progress!” texts were in the Vaspian team chat this week, Quinn is hungry after sitting out last week. This might not be pretty. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 24

Frodo Swaggins vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+7) – I have to assume that whatever happened to GHDC last weekend was an anomaly. With that in mind, it’s not going to matter. I still feel like Scotty and Garrett have yet to get their team rolling how they’d want it to. They’ve only played 4 games so far, so they have time to figure it out, assuming they get their games in. But even still, they’re the better team. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 4

Scared Hitless vs En Fuego (EVEN) -  This should be an excellent game. I feel like these teams, at their best, can be evenly matched. The truth is, of course, that Hitless is playing better AND they have Jonny Football AND they have cool new jerseys. BUT, how do you compete with new jerseys? That’s right. Jorts. En Fuego almost blessed us with their alternate uniforms last weekend before they didn’t end up playing which means that its time to bring them out again. I don’t think they can lose in the jorts. So, EN FUEGO BY 7 WITH JORTS, SCARED HITLESS BY 10 WITHOUT JORTS.

D3/D4 Crossover Game:

The Untouchaballs vs  Freeballers (+22) – The Untouchaballs get the rare double crossover this season, because of this week it’s based on standings for reasons I don’t think I understand. It’ll be a completely different experience for them as they go from the class of the division to whatever the Freeballers are. The Untouchaballs can score. The Freeballers can not. UNTOUCHABALLS BY 22.

D4:

Last Week’s Games:

Buffalo Solar Solutions 42, Overcompensators 20

Uncle Rico’s 53, Cunning Stunts 44

Not a ton of action in D4 last week, but we got one hell of a game out of Uncle Rico’s and the Stunts, as we always seem to do. D4 is a 4 headed monster in my opinion, and I think any one of BSS, Angels, URTT, and the Stunts can win it. I do, however, owe the OC a retraction of sorts. It seems I was given the wrong score last week and the OC beat the Stunts! I’M VERY VERY SORRY ERIC THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME. I hope that suffices.

This Week’s Games:

Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Family Feud And Some Dudes (+13) – Buffalo Solar, you’re rolling and you know it. All it took was the craziest year in the world’s history for you guys to be the true class of the division. That means you’re not going to blow it, right? RIGHT? Honestly though, you can’t blow it because the division is so close. Family Feud deserves some credit here too. As much as I’d love to give it, YOU DON’T WANT TO EMAIL ME AND TELL ME WHO YOU ARE. But sadly, defense is much harder to figure out in these leagues, and FF running into BSS at the wrong moment (Seriously, when I see BSS I just imagine the NBA Jam guy saying “HES ON FIRE!” right now) for that. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 20

The Angels vs Cunning Stunts (+2) – YAAAAASSS QUEENS! I mean, the best rivalry in the TSL (seriously) reunites for another fun go. I’m not sure who’s going to be throwing for The Angels this game (GO GET MATTY) but either way it should be the highlight of everyone’s day. Seriously Topper, put this game on Field 1 for everyone to enjoy from the correct side of the snow fence! CUNNING STUNTS BY 5

Uncle Rico’s vs Over Compensators (+12) – I’m not trying to be mean Eric, really. You want to be the underdog and surprise the TSL? This is the time. But as of right now, it doesn’t feel like the OC can run with Rico’s. While the OC has some talent, it has nothing on Jackee or Chris Nelson. They probably won’t be able to keep up, but I *do* think Larry is a better QB than Timmy. That undoubtedly means Larry is throwing 5 picks or 5 TDs now. Which will it be? UNCLE RICOS BY 3

D5:

Last Week’s Games:

ILF 46, Intentional Pounding 32

Zack Attack 37, PTERATACOS 20

Practice Squad 45, TOX 26

Mountain Dew Me 32, Cobblestone 6

Okay Mountain Dew Me, we get it. You should’ve stayed in D4. The McGregor clan is dancing through the streets with the blood of Darryl Carr QB Superstar used as war paint at this point. But, a new challenger approaches! Practice Squad’s troubles were all because of QB issues. But those issues were solved this week in the form of a former GREAT QB that is still a very GOOD QB. That QB is B. That’s right, B’s Brother’s Brother slung the rock for Practice Squad this weekend and word is that he’s signed a very lucrative contract to be the QB for the rest of the season. This changes the game. Zack Attack took a much needed win over the PTERATACOS, who still need to figure out a couple of things. And ILF starts running through the competition, as “Baby Baker” is continuing to make a name for himself.

This Week’s Games:

Mountain Dew Me vs Practice Squad (+15) – Nope. I don’t believe it. 15 points? You’re NUTS TSLQBPRC, simply nuts. PRACTICE SQUAD HAS B NOW. THIS MATTERS. WHY? BECAUSE WHETHER THEY KNOW IT OR NOT, THEY ALSO SIGNED B’S BROTHER. HE HAS TO BE COMING TO THE FIELDS. MDM will be way too distracted by his Plug Life facemask that they won’t know how to properly respond in front of such royalty. That’s East Coast Royalty. B throws for 4 TDs, easy. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 7

Zack Attack vs Cobblestone (+2) – Third place in the division is up for grabs here as these two pretty even teams meet this season. Honestly, Zack Attack is showing they have a little more offense, and they have the momentum. As much as Cobblestone is a fan favorite, I don’t think this is their week. ZACK ATTACK BY 9

ILF vs PTERATACOS (+2) – DOUBLE HEADER ALERT. These two teams will get to play each other twice this week, which is always fun. The PTERATACOS have had a great season, but as of late, the Falcons have really started to figure things out. Look for them to shake up the standings a bit after this week, as they take BOTH games from the PTERATACOS as Baby Baker continues his run at D5 Male MVP. ILF BY 7 and ILF by 10.

TOX vs Intentional Pounding (+9) -  The last time this matchup happened, the Keller’s beat up on poor Topper who was still feeling the effects of 45+ years of drinking wine. But not this time. TOX is playing better, and I can’t say the same about IP just yet. Plus, you KNOW Topper wants revenge against Scott Jr, who *might* be playing QB this time around. Look for a Topper pick 6 this time. TOX BY 8

D6:

Last Week’s Scores:

PC Plumbing 36, The Bambs 6

Blitzkrieg 38, Tater Tots 24

Graves Bros 40, Lenny’s Ladies 17

TMA 24, The BiPolar Express 16

Graves Bros 49, PC Plumbing 44

Lenny’s Ladies 42, The BiPolar Express 32

WTF IS GOING ON WITH PC PLUMBING? It’s weeks like this where I think we need to institute some sort of testing policy for steroids in the TSL, but in reality, PC Plumbing must’ve gotten their hands on some “Mike’s Secret Stuff” from Space Jam. They scored 80 points in two games after scoring only 122 for the season beforehand. The Bambs must’ve gotten lost on the way to the fields. Graves Bros walked away 2-0 with two big wins for themselves, firmly planting a “GB” flag on top of the D6 mountain. The BiPolar Express had some bad luck with their roster, and as a result find themselves uncharacteristically at the bottom of the D6 standings. And they STILL could win the entire thing. Lenny’s Ladies proceeded to go 1-1, winning the anticipated matchup in the all girls game, but the BPX roster issues didn’t make it as fair at it should’ve been. Blitzkrieg went out and dominated the Tots, proving to themselves that they DO belong in conversation for the championship. Finally, TMA did what they should’ve been doing all along: winning. Great to see them getting their mojo back.

This Week’s Games:

The Bambs vs Blitzkrieg (+2) – Here’s what I’m talking about. The Bambs should be licking their wounds after the unexpected PC Plumbing beat down last weekend. Blitzkrieg is still out to prove that they’re the best in the division. This game is huge on both sides. Even in a division where everyone makes the playoffs, this is still a game that matters a lot to the teams involved. BLITZKRIEG BY 3

Tater Tots vs TMA (+1) – ANOTHER DOUBLE HEADER ALERT! These two teams are going to play each other twice this week. It’ll have a big effect on the D6 standings going forward for sure. There’s a little history with these two teams, and it’ll be interesting to see if anything bubbles to the surface here. That could make the second game a little spicy. I truly think we’re going to see these teams split the games this week. TATER TOTS BY 3, TMA BY 10

The Bambs vs Graves Bros (+2) – This is a championship preview as things currently stand. The Bambs already dismantled Graves Bros once this season, a 34-6 win that gave Graves their only loss this season so far. It’s hard to imagine them losing so soundly again, but now The Bambs have last week’s loss stuck in their mouths. Look for them to make the statement. THE BAMBS BY 8

Blitzkrieg vs Lenny’s Ladies (+4) – The last time these two teams met, it was an epic showdown, with Lenny’s Ladies getting two late scores and two late interceptions to steal a win from Blitzkrieg. There was also a late penalty that negated the Blitzkrieg winning score last time. For Lenny’s Ladies to win this one, they’re going to need more great play from Laura Streeter and Robin Makula, both of whom are just two of the talented girls Joe K and Jeff Krol have put on their roster. These two teams are going to play it back, but you know Blitzkrieg is still seething a little bit after that last loss. Look for them to get a measure of revenge this time around. BLITZKRIEG BY 3

The BiPolar Express vs PC Plumbing (EVEN) – These teams sit at the bottom of the standings, but could very easily be near the top. PC Plumbing remembered this wasn’t a cricket league last weekend, and exploded for a lot of points. BPX didn’t exactly implode, they just ended up on the wrong end of two very close games, which says a lot when you realize they weren’t at full strength, which it seems they never are. I can’t imagine the PC Plumbing we saw last week is the norm after the entire season of uncertainty. THE BIPOLAR EXPRESS BY 4

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

1. Who’s going to show up? Teams have been all over the place this season with spotty attendance, and its made the league even wackier than usual.

2. WILL B’S BROTHER SHOW UP FOR PRACTICE SQUAD? PLEASE YES. PLEASE.

3. Will Topper win again? Honestly, I think we’re looking at a resounding yes. He seems to finally be dialing it in. Look out D2.

4. Who are the biggest pretenders right now in the league? Look no further than Slytherin That End Zone, who can 100% prove me wrong or right this weekend. Grey Hair – Don’t Care is a close second.

5.  Who looks like they’ll be moving divisions come Spring 2021? Mountain Dew Me better get ready to go back to AT LEAST D4. AWDIQ, if they stick together, is D2 bound at this point. I think it’s time we move The Angels and Stunts to D3. Vaspian feels like a D4 squad. The Freeballers may move to D6 at this rate. D5 is a lock, but they might need more work than that. Dilf’s, just go to D1 and stop ducking it. Morning Wood is a D3 team perhaps too. The Untouchaballs are D4 bound as they figure it out. I think that’s enough.

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

1. Props to the entire league once again for doing what it takes to keep us safe and sound during this weird time. You’re all stars for doing whatever is asked of you. Keep wearing a mask, keep sanitizing your bodies, and keep following the protocols! Stay Safe! (This is about the best I could do here Mr. Salvati.)

2. The weather has finally taken its turn for the worse, and it looks like we’re looking at a 56 degree day with a 20% chance of rain. The Fall playoffs always end up with the weather affecting the outcomes a little bit.

3. I can tell you right now that there’s a little to no chance for a Halloween Costume Bowl this Fall.

4. It’s awesome to see B getting another chance to sling the rock. He’s very underappreciated when it comes to choosing a fill in QB. He’s good. He’s won in this league before. Pay attention people.

5. Teams on the rise: PC Plumbing somehow, Dilfs, Marketing Mayors, ILF

6. Teams on the downswing: Slytherin, Tight Ends In Motion, The BiPolar Express

7. If you have anyone you think is deserving for any end of season awards, you can talk to Topper, Emily Curry should have her notebook like last season (hint hint), or email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. . It’s the cool thing to do!

8. A couple of games really jump out to me this week: Jabronies vs Bullet Club, Angels vs Stunts, and Blitzkrieg vs The Bambs. There’s a LOT of good games this week, except in D1, where every game looks like a boring blow out.

9. After watching the Presidential Debate this week, and not to get too political or anything, I want to say that I was right a few weeks ago: Dave Walter for President. B’s Brother, clearly his VP.

10. I want to thank all of you for the emails I’ve been getting, yet again. You’re all the lifeblood of this league and your kind (and sometimes not so kind) words are the best thing in my inbox each week. Thanks again, and if you’d like to reach out to me, please do!

The season is in HIGH gear, and we’re getting closer than ever to the playoffs, the next two weeks will really show us who’s properly prepared for the race for social co-ed football immortality.

Is it you?

-GF

Week 6 Thoughts, Picks, and Stuff

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 18 September 2020 19:31

Published: Friday, 18 September 2020 19:31

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 2666

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe!

Hello again! Somehow, we’re already at Week 6 of the #TSL2020 Season. I know this season has just been freakin’ bananas with how things have gone for all of you in New York, but it still feels like we just got this thing started.

Let’s face it, there’s NEVER going to be enough football.

This is normally where I’d give my halfway point predictions, but that feels like too hard of a task when you consider that some teams have still only played about 2 games. That means a few doubleheaders are going to be coming up for some teams, which can really affect the standings.

Then again, none of this really matters. The season, if you didn’t know, everyone makes the playoffs across all of the divisions. The regular season really only matters for teams to get themselves on the same level and prepare for the 6, 7, or 8 team tournament that will take place in October to decide just which of those among you are worthy of Co-Ed Football Immortality!

We do, at least, have some sense of where things are trending. That’s why I’ll be telling you what’s Surprising and Not Surprising in each division so far. The best part of getting more games played, of course, is that the TSLQBPRC is getting a little better with making the lines for this article. Don’t think your team should EVER give double digit points to someone? Go yell at them.

Let’s get into the chaos. . . .

D1:

Last Week’s Games:

Public Enemy 41, Marketing Mayors 15

Gryffindor 44, Why So Serious? 26

Eyes Downtown 38, Marketing Mayors 21

Public Enemy 30, Tight Ends In Motion 29

Not really anything unexpected this week. Marketing Mayors got the Doubleheader of Doom and proceeded to go 0-2, as most teams would when the play Public Enemy and Eyes Downtown. Gryffindor got a nice win over WSS?, which I was told was Joey’s first win against a D1 team in a regular season game since moving up a few seasons ago. That’s pretty awesome. Tight Ends couldn’t overcome the loss of Emily Curry, who is going to miss the rest of the season with a broken hand of some sort, that’s a tough loss for TEIM. But shout out to PE for dusting off JZ and beating TEIM with a shorthanded crew!

What’s Surprising: Not much in the TSL’s marquee division as we have PE and ED sitting at 1-2 as they always tend to be. Why So Serious? Is struggling a bit in their first go at the top dogs, but that’s to be expected as well. Tight Ends’ offense looks to be about as bland and punchless as it always is when Alex returns to QB. It’s hard to win games in D1 when you can’t make passes over 15 yards. I know at least half of the team stares longingly at Seth’s number in their phones every Friday night. It’s hard to call the Mayors’ 1-2 start surprising considering who they just played last weekend. All in all, D1 just feels par for the course so far.

D2:

Last Week’s Games:

Jabronies 36, Dilfs 20

Jabronies 52, Peachy Platoon 23

Dilfs 27, Bullet Club 15

SITE 31, HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO 22

Sticky Bandits 37, Morning Wood 31

How about the Jabronies? Taking out the defending champions who were too scared to go to D1 rather easily, and then simply FEASTING on the Dean-less Peachy Platoon. That’s a hell of a way to start your day, isn’t it? It’s looking more and more like the recent additions to the team are starting to gel with the nucleus of the team, and that can mean really good things are on the way in the form of a D2 title. The Dilfs beat Bullet Club in a rematch of last year’s final, pulling away in the second half. Bullet Club went with Ricky at QB last week, so it remains to be seen who plays under center for this team as the season goes on. Slytherin gets by Team Topper to move to 3-0, Topper considered calling the health department on us to shut the league down so the record books will never be able to show that he lost to Gary and Mo in the same season. (He didn’t call, don’t worry.) And finally, Sticky continues to show that they belong in the TSL’s most competitive division top to bottom, walking away with a hard fought victory, as Morning Wood loses their second straight game since Topper placed the “Bucket Bounty” on them.

What’s Surprising: It’s hard to be really surprised here, when this is a division where truly anyone can beat anyone. Slytherin has yet to get in their own way this season (it’s coming though) and Gary made it a point to email me to RAVE about how well Free Agent pickup Taylor Pagano has been playing for SITE. She alone has 6 TDs and 2-3 interceptions. The Jabronies sitting at 3-1 is surprising, I’ll admit it. I don’t think I expected this performance out of them, but they’re currently averaging the most Points For in the division. Sticky is also 3-1, as they’re trying not to be outdone by Jabronies at all. Mike Thomas is the best QB you never heard of right now, but the whispers of “system QB” get a little louder when people see him rise up the QB ranks. Dr. Christine is the truth, and don’t you forget it. Completely unsurprising for D2 is seeing Dilfs and Bullet Club smack in the middle of the pack, as apparent attendance issues and ever changing QBs have once again affected both team’s records. But hey, Dubey was here this week. Morning Wood got the feel good win over Team Topper, but haven’t won since. That win looks a little less fun when you realize that HOFBRAUHAUS is 0-4, although HB can score points. The problem they’re having is stopping anyone, a far cry from last season’s shut down defense. Lastly, Peachy Platoon, the early season favorites to win it all, are 1-2, and things don’t look to be any more promising with the news of Dean not being able to play. They’re still a tough out, as all D2 teams are though.

THIS WEEK’S GAME:

HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO vs Peachy Platoon (+11) – I don’t know if the loss of Dean should make PP a double digit underdog here, and I’d gladly bet them with the points here. This should be a back and forth game, but I’m not sure if HB can keep up with PP’s speed across the board. It’s going to depend on the new Peachy QB and if he can make some plays. Look for the veteran HB defense to make some plays here. HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO BY 4

D1/D2 CROSSOVER GAMES:

Public Enemy vs Slytherin That End Zone (+15) – Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Slytherin gets a chance to shock the entire TSL with an upset over one of the best teams in the league. The problem is that they just don’t have the horses to compete with PE, nor do I think Newman will ever be able to solve the PE defense at full strength. Dawson might be able to keep pace with Boccio, that’s about it. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 23

Morning Wood vs Why So Serious? (+4) – You read that right. The D2 team is FAVORED in this contest, the only crossover game where this happens. Again, blame the committee. Morning Wood has been looking for respect for years it seems, and this is a nice step towards exactly that. I do believe both teams will score on each other, but I think the TSLQBPRC placed a chip on the shoulder of the team in purple, and they’re going to be more focused than ever. WHY SO SERIOUS? BY 3

Eyes Downtown vs Jabronies (+19) – Well, the Jabronies are in one hell of a pickle here, aren’t they? The Crossover Week’s biggest line is right here, as ED tries to stay perfect on the season. The Jabronies are an early feel good story for the TSL, but there’s not a planet in the multiverse where they win this game. They’ll cover the spread though. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 17

Gryffindor over Sticky Bandits (+13) – I don’t agree with this line whatsoever. I think the Sticky Bandits are smart enough, and talented enough, to pull the upset here. Gryffindor has a lot more to prove in D1 (last week’s win was a start) and there’s been many people who figured they’d take the Dilf’s spot in D2 if they moved up (Again, they didn’t). Jeff Krol is a mastermind, as is Dave Baker. Look for them to figure out a way to stifle Joey Batts, take Travis out of the game, and take this one. STICKY BANDITS BY 3

Marketing Mayors vs Dilfs (+11) -  I guess we’ll see just how right the Dilf’s were to stay down in D2 in this one. You can bet your ass off that they’ll be going hard in this one. The Mayors definitely have the athletic advantages, but there’s a chance the Dilf’s are the smarter team. If Dubey shows up this week, we could have a good one on our hands. MARKETING MAYORS BY 8

Tight Ends In Motion vs Bullet Club (+8) – It’s hard to predict a game when you don’t know who’s throwing for one of the teams each week, but this a game that I think either team can win. Whichever BC QB plays, they’re going to have to deal with Maggie rushing, which means they’ll have way less time than they’re accustomed to. Bullet Club possesses an underrated defense, and they’re a good chance Zach Newberry can get an interception or two if TEIM tries to go deep. This one will go back and forth for sure. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 6

D3:

Last Week’s Games:

All We Do Is Quinn 40, Frodo Swaggins 38

The Untouchaballs 41, En Fuego 14

Grey Hair 30, Scared Hitless 22

Cunning Stunts 36, Vaspian 26 (D3/D4 Crossover Game)

Quinn and Frodo had quite the barnburner this weekend in what many consider a preview for the D3 title. Grey Hair – Don’t Care beat up on their former friends in Scared Hitless, taking the HKENDGAME Bowl. You know QB Dave loved that one. The Untouchaballs get their first win of the season, routing an overmatched En Fuego squad that couldn’t stop throwing interceptions. Finally, the Stunts win one for D4, beating Vaspian in this week’s D3/D4 crossover matchup.

What’s Surprising: Grey Hair – Don’t Care is the answer here, as they’re 3-0 on the season and looking good. They’re having the season most people thought Scared Hitless would be having at this point, and it has to feel good to those that stayed during the End Game divorce. Quinn and Frodo being at the top of the standings is very unsurprising of course. Both teams are very good, and they matchup so well with each other. En Fuego is stuggling on offense, which is expected when you make the jump up two divisions. Scared Hitless is still finding their way, and perhaps still finding a QB. If the Untouchaballs can continue to figure out things on the defensive side of the ball, they’re a threat to even the top teams in the division. Vaspian hasn’t won a game yet, which is a shame. They might be earmarked for D4 in the spring. There’s nothing wrong with that, look how well it’s gone for Mountain Dew Me.

This Week’s Games:

All We Do Is Quinn vs Grey Hair – Don’t Care (+7) – Here’s an awesome matchup. Two 3-0 teams go to battle to be the division’s lone undefeated team. Grey Hair is a little surprising, while it’s no surprise to see Quinn atop the standings, their usual spot before they blow it in the playoffs, as is tradition. Both teams were winners of huge games last weekend, and they’ll be looking to carry that momentum into this game. This should be a fun one. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 1

All We Do Is Quinn vs The Untouchaballs (+14) -  As much as I’m loving the story of The Untouchaballs so far, this is not the team they’ll figure out how to play defense on. Quinn is just going to roll here, but I bet both teams score over 30. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 17

En Fuego vs Vaspian (+6) – This is a must win game for Blasé’s squad. They put their money where their mouth is, but it’s gone very poorly so far. A loss to a winless Vaspian team who has nothing to lose would be catastrophic for Fuego. Both teams need this win to save their seasons, but I feel like En Fuego is going to want it more. EN FUEGO BY 3

Frodo Swaggins vs Grey Hair (+5) – The schedule is not kind to Grey Hair as they get as hard of a doubleheader as they could get here. Frodo is still reeling over losing to Quinn last week, and there’s no way that a team with Garrett and Scotty on it will lose two straight games. It feels impossible. Right? FRODO SWAGGINS BY 2

D3/D4 CROSSOVER GAME:

Scared Hitless vs Freeballers (+16) – No, I’m sorry Committee That Makes the Lines, the Freeballers are simply better than you think they are. Both of these teams are works in progress, as they’re new teams, with new QB’s who are figuring out the game. Both teams have stand out girls (Steph and Trish for Freeballers, Jaimie and Carly for Hitless). It’s really going to come down to who makes a mistake first. Look for the upset here, because it’s more fun. FREEBALLERS BY 1

D4:

Uncle Rico’s 52, Family Feud And Some Dudes 39

The Angels 53, Over Compensators 32

Buffalo Solar Solutions 36, Freeballers 22

Family Feud and Some Dudes 53, Cunning Stunts 44

The Angels 51, Family Feud And Some Dudes 30

Ah yes, the rare “Triple Header” week was played by Family Feud And Some Dudes, and what a week it was. They played arguably the three toughest teams in the division, and they went 1-2 with a nice win over the Stunts while falling to The Angels and Uncle Rico’s. THERE’S THE ANGELS WE KNOW. Two wins, and they scored 50+ points in both games. Bobby is seemingly finding his groove with the girls, and now they’re starting to roll. D4 needs to look out, as usual. Uncle Rico’s continues being good at football as they’re a top D4 title contender. Chris Nelson is out there destroying people, reminiscent of his father, who made an appearance as well I hear! Finally, Buffalo Solar continued their nice start to the season with an easy win against the Freeballers, who are still, as we keep saying, finding their way together.

What’s Surprising: The Cunning Stunts look mortal now. The former champs currently sit at 1-2, with a negative point differential. I’m not sure what’s wrong here, anyone want to tell me? Thanks. The rest of the division is going how you figured it would. The Angels haven’t lost yet, and they’re finding their stride. Uncle Rico’s has a legit shot at the title as long as QB Timmy doesn’t regress. I don’t think he does. Buffalo Solar is waiting in the wings at 2-1, but after a really nice email from Dan, (You’re great!) he let it be known that some of the roster he thought they’d have this season ended up bailing, albeit for good reasons. The OC is going through a few growing pains, but honestly I figured they’d be scoring a little more than they are. Family Feud looks like they’re insane to watch. Seriously. They’ve scored a ridiculous 163 points in 4 games. The problem? They’ve allowed 215. That’s a LARGE number. They need to figure out defense and FAST. Lastly, the Freeballers find themselves bringing up the rear, but with 83 points for and 110 against, they’re not too far off from competing with most of the division.

This Week’s Games:

Cunning Stunts vs Freeballers (+7) – If there was ever a good time for the Freeballers to catch the Stunts, now might be it. The Stunts don’t seem like themselves this time around, and in past seasons this line would’ve been doubled. The Freeballers need to focus on using all of their girls to make sure they get the gender points. It’s the only way to win. CUNNING STUNTS BY 2

Cunning Stunts vs Over Compensators (+6) – Conversely, this is the week the Stunts will get their groove back, playing two teams that are still learning how to play in D4. Something isn’t quite clicking for the OC just yet, but I have faith that a team that ROLLED D5 last season can figure it out in the next few weeks. Just, not this week. CUNNING STUNTS BY 4

Uncle Rico’s vs Family Feud (+18) – I don’t understand this line, considering that FF just lost to Rico’s last week by only 13 points. I don’t think they’re getting any worse in that time. Uncle Rico’s is still the better team here, no reason to try to get cute with this bet. UNCLE RICO’S BY 13

The Angels vs Buffalo Solar Solutions (+7) -  The best part of Dan’s email this week was the part I can’t write about. BUT, the second best part was that he knows exactly what he needs to do for his team to win this one: slow the tempo, get girl TDs. The problem? He also knows that QB Andy is going to toss the long ball all over the field as best as he can. It’s not the best recipe for an Angels team coming into their own with Bobby at QB. Dan also gave me some other info on his team, but I don’t want to give his opponents any intel. It’ll be a fun one, but. . . THE ANGELS BY 10

D5:

Last Week’s Scores:

Practice Squad 40, Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 12

PTERATACOS 20, Cobblestone 20

Mountain Dew Me 36, TOX 6

Two of the game’s all time greats in Darryl Carr QB Superstar and Joe B battled it out last week in a fantastic game. It was only fitting that these two battled to a hard fought tie, as even fate couldn’t decide who was better. Practice Squad got the job done against an overmatched ILF who has D6 written all over them for the Spring session. Mountain Dew Me continued their reign of terror on the division, as the various McGregors ran all over Topper and Friends and cruised to an easy victory.

What’s Surprising: Mountain Dew Me went from pretty decent new team in D4, to absolute juggernaut in D5. MDM has only allowed 18 points in 3 games this season while scoring 126 for themselves. Sure, they moved down a division, but it was impossible to imagine that they’d get off to THIS good of a start. I think they’re even shocking themselves a bit. Practice Squad is exactly where they should be: undefeated and a top contender for the D5 title. Zack Attack has fit in just nicely in D5, as the D6 champions are 2-1 and have been good, but not great, on both sides of the ball this season. Look for that to improve as time goes on. It’s a little surprising that TOX hasn’t won a game yet, as Topper is 0-7 on the season. He gets a pass for the fighting New York State thing, of course, but a team with as much veteran savvy as TOX should have found a way to win by now. Cobblestone and PTERATACOS are having very similar seasons, as their 1-1-1 record and point differentials show. At the same time, Intentional and Interdimensional both give up a lot of points, but have really struggled to score so far. Fun Fact: If you take the combined ages of Topper, Joe from Pteratacos, Darryl, and Mr. Keller that’s 7,521 years of experience between them.

This Week’s Games:

Mountain Dew Me vs Practice Squad (+13) – IT’S ON. The biggest game D5 can offer is here, and the line is DISGUSTING. I can’t remember the last time Practice Squad wasn’t a favorite, much less a double digit underdog, but here we are. Practice Squad has waited a few seasons now for this D5 championship, and every season there was always a team that was just a little better. MDM is the #TSL2020 version of that. The team of various blue eyed, blonde clones buzzing around the field is here to stay and this game represents their biggest challenge for sure too. This is going to be a very good game. Take the points. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 5

Zack Attack vs TOX (+11) – Zack Attack looks to keep pace in the division as they’re just on the outside looking in at the top contenders for the D5 title. A game against TOX can really be a good “statement” game here for the Attack to remind everyone just who they are. TOX is hungry for a win. Let’s remember that they’re a newer team that is still working on gelling together as well, even with legends like Axel making appearances. ZACK ATTACK BY 10

Cobblestone vs Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (+17) – I can’t remember the last time Cobblestone was this much of a heavy favorite. The Carr clan looks like they’re still miffed about getting last year’s playoff victory against En Fuego stolen from them, and they’re playing some of the best football they have in a few seasons. ILF is a bit of a mess still, and while I’ve been told that they’re chock full of lovely people, they’re just a bit overmatched. Look for them to keep this close. COBBLESTONE BY 6

PTERATACOS vs Intentional Pounding (+9) – The Keller family’s newest iteration isn’t getting off to the start they wanted. Though Mr. Keller is still timeless, so is the QB on the other side of the field on this one. The veteran QB playing with their son combo is all over the place in this game. The Keller’s play a 1-1-1 team here that is having a nice start to their season, and they just have it a bit more together than Intentional Pounding does. PTERATACOS BY 6

Cobblestone vs Intentional Pounding (+9) – The Keller family’s newest iteration isn’t getting off to the start they wanted. Though Mr. Keller is still timeless, so is the QB on the other side of the field on this one. The veteran QB playing with their son combo is all over the place in this game. The Keller’s play a 1-1-1 team here that is having a nice start to their season, and they just have it a bit more together than Intentional Pounding does. COBBLESTONE BY 6

TOX vs ILF (+8) – I expect that by this game, both teams will still be looking for that elusive first win. TOX will break Topper’s losing streak to start the season right here. TOX by 10

D6:

Last Week’s Games:

Lenny’s Ladies 27, TMA 14

Lenny’s Ladies 44, Blitzkrieg 40

TMA 42, PC Plumbing 6

Graves Bros 36, The BiPolar Express 32

Tater Tots 29, The Bambs 26

What a Saturday for Lenny’s Ladies! Our newest gender team picked up their first two wins their history, taking care of TMA before having an exciting game with Blitzkrieg that came down to the final play of the game. TMA would finally figure things out this season later on, picking up their first win of the season completely dominating PC Plumbing, who really laid an egg out there. Graves Bros move to 3-0 with a win over The BiPolar Express who were QB’d this week by Travis Cleavenger. And then the Tater Tots became the first team this season to slow down The Bambs, picking up their first win of the season.

What’s Surprising: The most surprising thing of this session is TMA sitting at the bottom of the standings at 1-3. It’s been a rough go for Ferger and Crew, and the once feared TMA defense hasn’t been it’susual self. But if the 42-6 win is any indication, they’re starting to be the team we expected. Lenny’s Ladies sitting at 2-2 is a nice surprise, they’ve been QB’d by Jeff Easton each week but they’re being led by D6 Female MVP Candidate Robin Makula, who had 5 interceptions in the two victories. Graves Bros are currently 3-0 and looking like the D6 early favorites to win it all. After a couple of seasons of putting it together, they’re on cruise control. Blitzkrieg deserves some love, sitting at 1-1-1 when they too could be undefeated if a few bounces went their way. PC Plumbing has been up and down this season, and I don’t quite yet know what they are. The BiPolar Express is at 1-2, but they’ve had a different QB each game. Once Gordon comes back full time, look for the wins to start coming here. Finally, the Tater Tots are showing lots of improvement over last season’s squad. They get better ever single week it seems, and they’re going to be a very tough out come playoff time.

This Week’s Games:

Lenny’s Ladies vs Tater Tots (+3) – This is a pretty big game for two teams that are looking to keep riding the momentum. Dave has started to get the Tots cooking, as the plucky team in orange looks to ascend to the top of the standings. The Ladies had a very good week last week, beating TMA and getting a game ending interception against Blitzkrieg on the last play. Misty and Marla have been fantastic for Lenny’s, and the latter had a crazy acrobatic touchdown catch against TMA that helped put that game away. This one is going to be a good back and forth for sure. LENNY’S LADIES BY 3

Blitzkrieg vs TMA (+4) – Blitzkrieg was a penalty away from beating the Ladies last week, as apparently the referees (Hi Billy!) called offense pass interference on them when they thought they scored the winning TD with 9 seconds left. The TSL always protects its females, because without them we don’t have a league. It was a tough call, but apparently it was the right one. TMA just hasn’t been TMA, and apparently some of that is attributed to the play of QB Ryan, who hasn’t been seeing the field as well as he has in the past. Both teams have something to prove, and both teams need a win. If you ask me, TMA needs the win more, and I think they’ll be hungier. TMA BY 5

The BiPolar Express vs PC Plumbing (+8) – PC Plumbing is coming off of their worst outing of the season, getting beat up by TMA. They currently sit at 1-1-1 but they’ve only scored 53 points which about 30 points less than anyone else in the division. PC Plumbing really needs to figure out how to score if they have any chance here. The BiPolar Express is chugging along, and chances are they’re more than likely about to string some wins together. They’re too good not to. THE BIPOLAR EXPRESS BY 12

The Bambs vs Graves Bros (+1) – Graves Bros comes into this game with the better record (3-0 to 2-1) but somehow find themselves the Vegas underdogs here. It almost feels like they’re not getting the proper respect and they have to prove themselves each week. One person told me “they have that really good girl who I think her name is Cassie but I’m not sure”, so that’s something. The Bambs dropped a game to the Tater Tots, and it appears they may not have had all of their players. This is a really good matchup that could very well be a D6 final preview. THE BAMBS BY 1

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

1.      How many D2 teams are going to win their Crossover games? There’s a realistic shot that at least 2 of them take down their “upper division” opponents this week.

2.      Are we going to have a Rameer night? That was a popular question among TSLers. Now that we’ve found some normalcy in our season, I’m sure that we’ll soon be finding a way to have a league-wide toast to one of our biggest TSL Legends.

3.      How many undefeated teams stay undefeated after this week? As of now, we have 9 teams that haven’t lost a game yet: Public Enemy, Eyes Downtown, SITE, AWDIQ, Grey Hair, The Angels, Mountain Dew Me, Practice Squad, and Graves Bros. Considering that we have two awesome matchups of AWDIQ-Grey Hair and MDM-Practice Squad which should produce two losers, I’ll go out on a limb and say two others fall as well. But WHO?

4.      Why are the games running behind more than usual this season? Well, there are a few reasons. The COVID measures are the biggest factor of course. Tie in the extra timeouts and having to sub in and out from the endzones, and it all plays into it. I know Coach Jay isn’t thrilled with this, and is already taking measures to speed things back up to how we’re accustomed.

5.      How do you get more publicity for your team? Oh that’s right, you can email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and inform me on who’s awesome on your team.

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

1.      JEFF FREAKIN’ MAY made his return to the TSL universe last weekend and is apparently going to be hanging out for a bit. That alone makes me want to fly into Buffalo to see you guys.

2.      Heating up: Lenny’s Ladies, The Angels, Jabronies, Grey Hair

3.      Cooling down: En Fuego, Scared Hitless, Marketing Mayors, Morning Wood (Topper’s note: ‘Duh’)

4.      If it’s impossible for you to not bring your own alcohol to the fields (Cookie and Elmo frown upon this by the way), please don’t bring it directly to the bar.

5.      Yes, you’ll have to sign in to get into the fields AGAIN this week. Just accept it as your “new normal”.

6.      Hey Emily Curry and Joe K, where’s the podcast? Of course, there’s only two good arms between the both of them, perhaps that’s the issue?

7.      Slytherin That End Zone is winning D2 this season. I can just feel it in my bones.

8.      No, I don’t know if we’re going to have the DJ’s at all this season. But we should if it’s possible. And once we can get a big enough mask for Cookie and Elmo, they’ll be there too.

9.      Winter wine tournament? Wouldn’t that be more of an Ice Wine tourney then? Hmm.

10.   There are more new faces and names out there than ever before it seems. It’s a testament to our awesome league that we can keep growing and bringing in new people. Are YOU one of them? Who are you? Email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and let’s get talking.

It’s going to be a really fun weekend, and it looks like the weather is going to be spectacular. Go enjoy yourselves and stay safe.

Dave Walter for President.

-GF

Week 7 Thoughts, Picks & Stuff

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 25 September 2020 12:22

Published: Friday, 25 September 2020 12:22

Written by Patrick McGovern

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LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE TSL UNIVERSE!!

Hello! In this, the Year of Our Lord 2020, I hope you find yourselves well.

After this article went to press last week, I received an email from none other than JONNY F’N FOOTBALL! I haven’t heard from him in what feels like forever! And naturally, he did what he does best, and guaranteed not only a victory over the Freeballers last week, but by 27 or more points.

Historically, his guarantees and bets never go well for him. But this time? My oh my was our guy right here. Scared Hitless obliterated Freeballers 52-0. I was wrong to even suggest this team could sniff a win against a D3 squad.

I’m truly sorry Jonny Football. That was my mistake. It won’t happen again. (It’ll happen again.)

And that’s the fun of the TSL. Just when you think you have the answers, we change the questions. Teams are starting to round into who they really are this time around. With only a few weeks left in the season, some teams just need to go back to the drawing board. Others can stay on cruise control as they coast into the playoffs like the well-oiled machine they already are. It’s not too late to reinvent yourself! With everyone making the playoffs here, NOW is the time for the teams that just aren’t quite right to make the big adjustments that maybe they were scared to. Give a new QB a try, figure out some new plays. Why not?

You don’t lose anything by trying, except maybe getting a lower seed. But as long as you’ve got a guaranteed ticket to the dance, which you do, you can experiment just like you did in your college days.

There’s a lot of games to discuss, so lets get to it!

D1/D2 Crossover Week Scores:

Public Enemy 28, SITE 14

Morning Wood 18, Why So Serious? 16

Eyes Downtown 29, Jabronies 28

Gryffindor 52, Sticky Bandits 45

Dilf’s 21, Marketing Mayors 0

Tight Ends In Motion 58, Bullet Club 20

So after all of the talk of the Dilf’s being concerned they weren’t good enough for D1, they go out and win 21-0? Okay, sure, it took Marketing Mayors to forfeit for it to happen, but still. Props to Morning Wood for being the only D2 team to actually win their crossover game. But, let’s talk about how interesting it is that most of the games were really close! Other than Bullet Club getting smacked around by TEIM, all of the D2 teams performed quite well. Yeah, SITE lost by 14 to Public Enemy, but that is still a pretty good score, and I heard that the game was closer that it showed. Eyes Downtown may not have had Bobby, but Jabronies only losing by 1 is still impressive. Gryffindor and Sticky had a barnburner, where defense wasn’t allowed. The record will show that D1 went 4-2 this week against D2, but D2 can claim moral victories left and right. Perhaps the divisions aren’t as far apart as we think.

D1 Games This Week:

Public Enemy vs Eyes Downtown (+2) – OH ITS ON. But, for real this time. The makeup game of all makeup games, the two best teams in the TSL go head to head as they renew their rivalry yet again. There’s some new faces to the party, but the story remains the same: These two teams don’t like each other. The TSL’s top 2 QBs are facing off, assuming Bobby doesn’t blow this game off. (He won’t). First place is on the line, but really so is pride. As for the game itself? I think Public Enemy is rolling a bit more than ED. The signs point to a PE win. So that must mean: EYES DOWNTOWN BY 3

Public Enemy vs Marketing Mayors (+11) – 11 should normally be a lot, but with the Mayors’ inability to field a full team, if they field one at all this season, it knocks them down a peg. PE will be emotionally spent whether they win or lose the game before, so they won’t be AS sharp here. But they’ll still win. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 6

Tight Ends In Motion vs Gryffindor (+1) – You have to like these matchups. Both teams are playing well as they meet each other here. Batts has his new and improved Gryffindor team humming along pretty well right now. TEIM got a much needed “feel good” win in destroying Bullet Club last week. This game gives the winner the inside track to the #3 seed in the playoffs, and the reward is playing the probably #6 seed in Why So Serious, as opposed to a date with Marketing Mayors. This should be a good one, but let’s look for GRYFFINDOR BY 6

Eyes Downtown vs Why So Serious? (+14) – Another learning experience for WSS. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 20

D2:

Last Week’s Game:

Peachy Platoon 30, HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO 17

In the only “proper” D2 matchup this weekend, Peachy overtook Team Topper, knocking them to 0-5 as the Platoon tries out another QB in the scramble to replace Dean.

This Week’s Games:

Dilf’s vs Peachy Platoon (+2) – I love Peachy Platoon and I think it’s a shame they have to deal with this QB issue. It immediately sets them back, but they’re clearly taking my advice from above and they’re fixing this before playoffs. The Dilf’s feel like they’re humming along still. They’re only 3-2 but it feels like the defending champs could be 5-0. They just about always have the best girl on the field with Katie Keller, and they ALWAYS have the most handsome man on the field with Eric Stegs. These intangibles matter people. You can’t catch a football when you’re lost in his eyes. DILFS BY 8

Slytherin That End Zone vs Morning Wood (+4) – Okay, first off, I saw The Sentinel use “STEZ” as the SITE acronym. I get that that is 100% technically accurate but let’s get two things straight. First, I make the rules here. I have since 2010. Secondly, SITE looks 4,643 times better than STEZ. Fix that. Anyway, SITE has been the class of D2 so far, and a loss to Public Enemy doesn’t change that. But, others have said they’re getting lucky. Which is it? A little of both. You can see that SITE struggles to put points on the board, but they’re playing great defense to make up for it. They’ve also had a soft schedule. No, playing Morning Wood doesn’t change that. Things are going to get harder for them as the season goes on. Morning Wood took a 2 point win over the “D4 team that’s playing in D1” last week. This is a prove it week for SITE, and I want to see them win by double digits. Show me something Gary. SITE BY 12

Dilfs vs SITE (+1) – Seriously Gary, show me something. DILFS BY 9

Peachy Platoon vs HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO (+9) – I mean, Peachy JUST won by 13 last week. I’ll look for history to repeat itself as HB just can’t figure it out yet….or Father Time has finally won. PEACHY PLATOON BY 13

Sticky Bandits vs Bullet Club (+5) – A tale of teams going in two different directions. Bullet Club was the only team that was embarrassed in their crossover game, as TEIM just dismantled them. That’s what happens when you have your 3^rd QB in 4 weeks (this week it was a semi-drunk “birthday” edition of Travis Clev). At some point they’re going to have to decide on a full time QB. This story of “Bullet Club QB troubles” has to be getting old for the players too. Sticky doesn’t have that problem since they roll about 17 players deep. Mike Thomas has been fantastic, and Jeff Krol has Sticky Nation focused on the D2 championship. They’re playing very good football, and I think they know it. Look for that to continue here. STICKY BANDITS BY 14

Jabronies vs Morning Wood (+4) – Morning Wood isn’t playing too bad, but the Jabronies are simply on fire. A 1-point loss to Eyes Downtown (regardless of Bobby) is nothing to sneeze at. It shouldn’t come as a surprise though. Jabronies have former D1 caliber players in Ben Stack and Eric Kleckler, which has tended to go a little unnoticed here. This roster is much better than whatever Joe Miano trotted out in D6. JABRONIES BY 9

Jabronies vs Sticky Bandits (+2) – This should be “even” for a line. But somehow, the TSLQBPRC thought that “make me the lines with data and stuff” meant that THEY get to pick games too. Stick to your spreadsheets. Anyway, these two teams definitely love playing each other, as I’m pretty sure they’re all friends and family or whatever. Hopefully they’ll have a fun bet this game too, but the losers will actually commit to the bet this time around. JABRONIES BY 1

D3:

Last Week’s Scores:

All We Do Is Quinn 42, Grey Hair Don’t Care 21

All We Do Is Quinn 32, The Untouchaballs 28

Frodo Swaggins 30, Grey Hair Don’t Care 24

En Fuego 29, Over Compensators 12 (D3/D4 Crossover)

Scared Hitless 52, Freeballers 0 (D3/D4 Crossover)

Well, the Top 3 teams in the conference played each other, and it showed us pretty much what we already knew: Quinn and Frodo are the Top Dogs of D3. Grey Hair Don’t Care is a great story, and they’re a good team that is a tough out, but they had games against the two favorites and couldn’t pull out a win in either contest. The Untouchaballs don’t really win a lot, but at the same time they’re always SO CLOSE to popping off a win here and there. They’re 1-4 and could very easily be 3-2 or 4-1. And in the Crossovers, En Fuego easily won their highly anticipated match with the OC, while Scared Hitless smacked Freeballers into realizing they’re headed for D5 next season.

This Week’s Games:

Frodo Swaggins vs En Fuego (+10) – Team LaDuca comes into this pretty huge matchup with some momentum after vanquishing their rivals in the OC. This is the litmus test for these guys. If they can beat Frodo, it’ll give them their swagger back, which they so desperately miss. Honestly? They need to have some fun, and keep things loose. Considering both teams wear black, En Fuego should wear their alternate jerseys of white shirts and jorts. Bring back the fun. Garrett and Scotty know they’re missing Josh a bunch this season, but apparently when you get a girl pregnant, that means you can’t play football anymore, so they’re down a man. But like, congrats I guess. Frodo takes this one, but barely. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 6

All We Do Is Quinn vs Scared Hitless (+5) – Well, here you go Jonny Football. You want to run your mouth about smacking around a helpless D4 team that should be in D7, so now you’re getting the kings of the division. The Cat Peters (and her boyfriend that couldn’t make the AWDIQ roster so he made her leave the team) Bowl is on, and it should be a lot of fun. If Quinn has a disadvantage this game, its on the female side. Kasey is pretty good (she’s still recovering from Scotty’s advances), but the truth is that Scared Hitless boasts one of the best girls you don’t know about in Jaimie Warren, and Carly is no slouch either. But Quinn has much better guys and the more established QB. QB Dylan for Hitless is still figuring things out, and this team will continue to live or die with him. Hopefully last week’s scrimmage against the 6^th graders will give him the confidence needed to take this one. Spoiler alert: It won’t. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 12

Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Vaspian (+9) -  The only good part about getting to play Frodo and Quinn in one week is that you get those games out of the way all at once. Grey Hair looks to get back on track against Vaspian, who still remain winless. It appears Drew is the problem, as he’s winless on the entire season for all of his teams. I don’t know why he’s cursed, but here we are. QB Dave from Grey Hair knows what he needs his team to work on to win the D3 title now, and they’re going to start practicing it here. GREY HAIR DON’T CARE BY 13

D3/D4 Crossover Game:

The Angels vs The Untouchaballs (+4) – This is sneakily a great matchup. The Angels are fantastic, we know that. And yes, they *should* be in D3 (and if Matty Ice stuck around, they would be). The TSL’s best gender team has beaten up on hot shot teams time and again and they get an interesting matchup with The Untouchaballs. I still have no idea who anyone is on this team, but they still put up a ton of points. They just still allow a ton as well. The best pro tip I can give them is the same as always: try your best for female touchdowns or else The Angels will walk away from you. Look for a closer than you think matchup here: THE ANGELS BY 6

D4:

Last Week’s Games:

Cunning Stunts 37, Freeballers 21

Buffalo Solar Solutions 44, Uncle Rico’s 28

Cunning Stunts 53, Over Compensators 42

Uncle Rico’s 44, Family Feud and Some Dudes 30

Buffalo Solar Solutions 40, The Angels 26

Speaking of changing the questions just when you think you have the answers, welcome to D4. Just as The Angels and Uncle Rico’s looked like they were coasting to an eventual D4 title game, the division’s blue teams reminded everyone just who they are. The Cunning Stunts finally looked like themselves this week, taking two wins from teams they absolutely should beat. But what matters is that they actually did it. But, not to be outdone, Buffalo Solar Solutions won both of their games this week against the aforementioned Rico’s and Angels. BSS is sitting at the top of the division after arguably the best weekend in their history. They’re 4-1, and it’s their defense that’s been great as the offense keeps pace with the pack leaders. They’ve cemented themselves as true contenders for the throne, of course last season they had a big week and proceeded to plummet down the standings afterwards. Let’s see if they’ve learned anything from the past. Meanwhile, Uncle Rico’s salvaged their week with a win over Family Feud, who manages to score points just fine, but they have literally zero idea how to stop anyone. They would be better served acquiring a defensive coordinator from the league somewhere. It wouldn’t be the first time a young, lower division team hired a consultant.

This Week’s Games:

Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Over Compensators (+9) – It hasn’t been the best of times for the OC. I’m sure they’re fondly remembering the good old days, when they were 8-1 in D5, smacking teams like En Fuego around. But now? They’re just fodder for the much better D4 teams. I don’t know if the team didn’t stay in shape in the offseason or it’s a lack of talent or what. Larry isn’t making waves like he used to. I haven’t heard from Eric at all, so he can’t be happy. It’s just bad over there, you can feel it. Yeah, they’re in 4^th place currently, but they can’t score, and they seemed destined to finish 6^th or 7^th in the division. Just kidding, the Freeballers are in this division, they’ll be 7^th. Buffalo Solar is just humming along. They just proved they’re a force in the division and they’re going to want to do everything they can to keep that going. RIP OC. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 19

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers vs Cunning Stunts (+4) – Hey, here’s a fun one. With the Stunts back on track, they look to remind everyone yet again who they are. The forgotten Step Sisters to The Angels (regardless of how many times they’ve beaten them), the Stunts have that chip on their shoulder yet again. They know they should be better than 2-3, but they’re 2-0 in their last two games, and that should be the focus. Uncle Rico’s will have their hands full here. CUNNING STUNTS BY 2

Family Feud and Some Dudes vs Freeballers (+3) – I tried to believe in the Freeballers, but you can only go so far with it. I have to cut my losses. Sorry 40 Year Plan Guy, you let the league down, again. You killed 3^rd and Schlong FOR THIS? Happy Birthday though. Freeballers are the 44^th ranked team (out of 44) on the TSL standings page. I heard from MULTIPLE sources this week they’re imploding from the inside. I’m not entirely sure they’d beat Intentional Pounding anymore. Just about everyone else in the division has scored nearly double the points they have. D4 was biting off more than they could chew, for sure. Don’t blame the girls, they’re great. In fact, feel bad for them. They’re stuck on this roster at least until free agency opens at season’s end and they can go elsewhere. Steph, this is why you turned your back on TMA? Great choice. Family Feud is catching the league’s worst team at the right time. Look for them to not only win this week, but win kind of big. I still have no idea about this team, so I can’t say much. But they’re going to win. Prove me right. FAMILY FEUD BY 14

D5:

Last Week’s Games:

Mountain Dew Me 46, PTERATACOS 14

Mountain Dew Me 22, Practice Squad 6

TOX 16, Zack Attack 15

Cobblestone 26, Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 12

PTERATACOS 30, Intentional Pounding 6

Cobblestone 27, Intentional Pounding 23

ILF 24, TOX 23

Just pack it up. The division is over. Mountain Dew Me continues its disgusting reign of terror on D5, and one can only wonder what the hell happened during the pandemic that turned these guys into pretty decent tough outs in D4 to absolute D5 juggernaut. They haven’t had a close game yet. Props to Practice Squad for holding them to only 22 points. I feel bad for Team Lantz because they’re just always the bridesmaid and never the bride in D5. They’re always RIGHT THERE to win this thing, and each season an new contender rises from nowhere to make them second or third best. TOX did the smart thing and benched Topper this week, all it did was give them a much needed victory over Zack Attack. You have to love the throwback to the days the Cobblestone won a bunch. Darryl really must’ve been taking Deer Antler Spray over the offseason. His hair is amazing and so is his play lately. Cobblestone is 3-1-1 and the entire TSL is just better when they’re doing well. I know the NYS rules you have over there means he isn’t passing out the Coronas to everyone just yet, but its coming. Intentional Pounding got pounded and I heard they put QB Scott Keller Sr. in the garage last week. They must be saving him for playoffs. ILF got smacking around by Cobblestone but gutted out a 1 point win to end the day against TOX. PTERATACOS stayed afloat in the division with a 1-1 week as well.

This Week’s Games:

ILF vs Intentional Pounding (+3) – Three points might be a bit low here. These two teams feel headed in opposite directions. Despite my undying love for the Keller clan, the First Family of the TSL don’t forget, the 3^rd and Schlong split hasn’t been kind to them. Luckily, again, its been worse for the Freeballers. MERGE BACK YOU FOOLS. But for now, the season is about having fun I guess. ILF has many horns to toot! Why you ask? Andrew Kicak went out of his way to email me about some of his players who are doing well! So what’s fun here is that he goes to mention Alex Baker, who has an interception in every single game this season. Yes, that’s Dave Baker’s son, the first of approximately 4,258 of them I hear. The rest of the email was commenting on how tall Brad was on TOX and how gorgeous Darryl’s hair is. Still, thanks Andrew! ILF BY 7

PTERATACOS vs Zack Attack (+1) – A very interesting “middle of the road” matchup between two teams still trying to figure it all out. Zack Attack cannot be happy with only scoring 96 points in 5 games. The growing pains of moving up a division are obvious here. PTERATACOS are just above them in the standings by a point thanks to a tie. They’re also a team that right now, can’t beat the Top 3 in the division, but will be competitive with everyone else. This is a coin flip, so that’s what I did. ZACK ATTACK BY 4

Practice Squad vs TOX (+13) -  Practice Squad has to be angry after that egg they just laid against MDM. TOX is still a team that’s learning to play with each other, and if the whispers of a Topper injury are true, they might start seeing new QB’s come into play here. That doesn’t help them against a polished team like Practice Squad. They’ll beat them at the bar though. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 17

Mountain Dew Me vs Cobblestone (+24) – Mountain Dew Me is a runaway freight train, destroying everything in its path en route to a D5 title. But in the distance, there is a man, locks flowing in the win, wearing cargo shorts, holding a Corona. He’s standing directly in front of this machine that has taken over D5 and he softly whispers “No More.” If anyone in the division can stop Mountain Dew Me, it HAS to be Darryl Carr QB Superstar, right? Right? No. MOUNTAIN DEW ME BY 13

D6:

Last Week’s Games:

Tater Tots 46, PC Plumbing 30

Tater Tots 20, Lenny’s Ladies 9

TMA 28, Blitzkrieg 16

The BiPolar Express 40, PC Plumbing 39

The Bambs 34, Graves Bros 6

First off, hello Tater Tots! The Tots have a big 2-0 week as they vault up to 3^rd in the division. They’ve started to realize that “Throw it up to the tall guy” is a very viable action plan. Meanwhile, PC Plumbing is a mess. Word is that they can never get a roster together, which tends to be a staple of a Peyton franchise. When you have so many people in and out of your team each week, you can’t ever have the proper continuity. TMA is back, I think. They took care of business just as they should against Blitzkrieg. The division may still run through them. The BiPolar Express won this week, and I believe Gordon was back. I told you he was all they needed. He knows how to run his team better than anyone. The Bambs just beat up on Graves Bros in a pretty boring contest.

This Week’s Games:

The Bambs vs PC Plumbing (+16) – They can’t make this line high enough. D6’s top team versus it’s worst. THE BAMBS BY 20

Tater Tots vs Blitzkrieg (+1) – I know what you’re thinking Alex. You’re staring at the standings wondering how 1-2-1 is your record. You could very easily be 3-1 and at the top of the division. Just a few plays could go differently, and you’d feel better about your season. Well, this is your moment. The Tots have established themselves as contenders and you can do the same with an impressive victory. Stay focused, use “Light Red Hoodie Guy” as much as possible (Everyone thinks he’s your best player), and win. BLITZKRIEG BY 6

Graves Bros vs Lenny’s Ladies (+2) – The dynamic here will be interesting, if Baby Gronk is rushing QB Jeff Easton. Easton isn’t known for his ability to change direction on the fly, and the unusual “being rushed by a really big dude” thing might hinder his throwing. Graves Bros and Lenny’s Ladies both need the win here, as they didn’t have the best weeks last Saturday. Graves Bros gets back on track here. GRAVES BROS BY 11

The BiPolar Express vs TMA (+2) – Gone are the days when Gordon’s gals would take on TMA and he’d lose 2-4 players from his roster immediately because they played for TMA. With Drunk Meg and Steph on other squads now, they can play in this matchup for BPX. Both teams are playing well, albeit having similar seasons. They’re both preseason favorites to win the title, yet its pretty clear that they didn’t have the best starts to their seasons. But they’re on the come up now, and this is a fun matchup. TMA is finally rolling, and they’re not missing a beat after losing Steph/Drunk Meg to free agency. Light Val, Diana, and newcomer Lauren (who hasn’t been creeped out of the team by Prim yet either) have been excellent, so the early worries of female play are extinguished. But let’s just get one thing straight here. I say this every year, and it still feels like now matter how many times I do, no matter how many awards go his way, people don’t realize it: RON WEBBER IS F’N GOOD. VERY GOOD. GREAT EVEN. He’s still somehow incredibly underrated, even though he catches just about everything. The BPX girls are fantastic when they all show up, which has also been a bit of a problem I hear. When Gordon has his full compliment of girls at his disposal, they’re hard to beat. This is going to be fun. TMA BY 2

Graves Bros vs PC Plumbing (+3) – I still don’t see why this line is low. There’s not much to talk about for PC Plumbing when they have an everchanging roster. Graves Bros had a hiccup last week, I’m sure of it. They’re still very good. Cassie (Kassie? Where’s Rameer when you need him?) vs Katie Swanson could be a fun matchup to watch, if people were allowed to watch games. GRAVES BROS BY 17

Lenny’s Ladies vs The BiPolar Express (+1) – I don’t understand this line at all. Both teams have similar records, but BPX is much more established than Lenny’s Ladies. It’s a good old fashioned gender game though, and that’s going to be really fun. While we’re missing out on the Gordon – Joe K QB battle, at least we’ll get the Gordon – Jeff battle. But this matchup is all about the girls, and here’s hoping we get a game akin to the Angels – Stunts rivalry that has produced some epic battles so far. I’m excited, but give me the team that’s been established much longer. THE BIPOLAR EXPRESS BY 3

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

1. Will Public Enemy vs Eyes Downtown be the rivalry deathmatch is always is? I’d like to think so but this season feels so subdued, even from over here. But, give it one cheap shot from someone, and it’s GAME ON. Let’s hope it happens early.

2. Will any team go undefeated or winless this season? It’s incredibly hard to do both, but if you ask me you’ll see Mountain Dew Me win every game, and there’s a really good chance Freeballers don’t win one this season.

3. Have we heard anything new from the Health Department? Actually, no. It’s been very quiet, which is a great thing. We’re all doing excellent as far as our guidelines, thanks for everyone who’s been so very good about it all from what I’ve been told.

4. Can we stand on the sideline though, seriously? I will say, I’m not a fan of the idea of a 4^th timeout and having to sub from the back of the endzone. One, there’s a reason there’s a “no standing behind the endzone” rule because it looks like there are more defenders there than usual. Two, a 4^th time out changes the strategy of the game. It’s just weird to me. I’ve heard rumblings of a potential change, but nothing coming down the pipe.

5. Can we get one of those cool orange Topper Sports shirts? Actually, yes. Topper informed me just yesterday that he’s going to order a bunch of them. If you can get him $20 and your size, I’m sure he’d be glad to order you one. You’d more than likely have to talk to him this Saturday though.

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

1. If there was a team out there that was truly ready to “pop” and do some damage, it’s The Untouchaballs. Every week I see the scores, and its like, if they can figure out defense, they’re going to be good. If only I knew anyone on that team.

2. Seriously, email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Just do it. Say hi. The reason some teams get so much more press is because I hear about them more. It used to be from Lenny and Rameer, and now it’s a lot more from YOU guys specifically. I’m not at the fields, and if I were, I couldn’t walk on them to see you guys. Or could I? I could always be Jeff May. He doesn’t wear glasses.

3. It’s going to be nearly 80 degrees this Saturday. Dress accordingly, and wear sunscreen.

4. Teams on the rise: Mountain Dew Me (Still), Buffalo Solar Solutions, Cunning Stunts, All We Do Is Quinn, Gryffindor

5. Teams with some work to do: Over Compensators, Lenny’s Ladies, TOX, PC Plumbing

6. Way too early division champion predictions: D1: Public Enemy, D2: Jabronies, D3: All We Do Is Quinn, D4: Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, D5: Mountain Dew Me, D6: The BiPolar Express

7. We need to have some sort of bar games tournament. Also, where’s the wheel?

8. B’s Brother, we miss you. Someone read this to him. Joey Batts, go pick him up. Come on.

9. All teams should bring white shirts every week just in case they play a team that has the same color than them. Hearing people complain about how they played a team in black when they wear dark blue or red and orange is just stupid. Come prepared. Yes, if your main color is white, you would bring black in this case.

10. It’s true. By 5:00pm on Saturday, anything we think we knew will be wrong again. That’s the best part of the league.

Go forth, stay safe, and have fun. I cant wait to see how it goes for you all.

What’s YOUR ranking?

-GF

Week 5 Thoughts Picks and Predictions

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 11 September 2020 14:44

Published: Friday, 11 September 2020 14:44

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 9119

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE TSL UNIVERSE!

WE’RE BACK!

For the second time in a month, the Topper Sports League began play in its #TSL2020 season! After a brief, two week hiatus, we re-acquired the proper paperwork and WNY’s greatest co-ed touch football league is playing.

It wasn’t the best, having to wait two more weeks to play some games, but the important thing is that we’ve officially restarted the race to co-ed football immortality! Thank you again to everyone that helped make our dreams a reality. The weather was nice, the football was even better (for most of you, anyway), and we got things back on track.

It really was a downer to have Topper tell me we were going “radio silent” last week, as I always try to write this article to keep the 7 people who read it entertained. It’s good to be back. Again.

Sadly, all of the nonsense and noise really puts a hold on Week 5 storylines. They’re developing, however slowly. If you have something to say or hype about your team, as always, you can email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Please do!

There wasn’t too much to report from my investigative team last week, but I will say thank you to Brent McKenzie of TMA, as he caused me to have to Google what a “baby bird” is. This league is something else man.

But, the TSLQBPRC is back with some points lines fresh off the press, so it’s time to make some picks. Even if we do only have 2 games in 4 weeks to base them off of. And off to the games we go. . . .

D1:

Last Week’s Scores:

Marketing Mayors 33, Why So Serious? 19

Public Enemy 27, Gryffindor 21

Eyes Downtown 46, Tight Ends In Motion 29

Three games, and they all end up with the expected results. Eyes Downtown, Public Enemy, and Marketing Mayors have been the top of D1 for a long time now. While most people (correctly) feel that the rest of the division is catching up to them, a long time off and a lack of a spring session caused everyone else to stagnate a bit. Why So Serious got off to a bad start, and I’m scared to say that Pete might not be the answer to the QB question, AND THAT’S THE BEST THING FOR THEM. Pete, a former Best Tommy Hughes winner, is a fantastic WR in this league and while he may want to play QB, its best for him to catch the TDs instead of throwing them. Eyes Downtown showed up looking a little bit different, as Jeremy Burr was ON FIRE. Bobby still looks like he’s the best QB in the league, and it seems like they added Mike Radon as well, which means his OnlyFans account didn’t go as well as he had hoped during Covid. Gryffindor apparently looks like a relatively new version of itself, adding some fresh faces. Joey played pretty well surprisingly (smaller people rust faster) but they still couldn’t keep up with Mike Boccio, who looks great in his 24^th year.

This Week’s Games:

Public Enemy vs Marketing Mayors (+1) – Both teams are not far removed from D1 championships. Both teams look to be clicking with all of the distractions. The Mayors are a little more athletic, PE has the better QB. This is a very underrated game, but I heard that perhaps both sides are going to have some roster issues. It’s hard to bet against the champs, but look for an early season upset, if you can call it that. MARKETING MAYORS BY 3

Gryffindor vs Why So Serious? (+11) – If Pete plays QB again, take Gryffindor covering. If he plays WR, I’m not sure if he can be covered. Although, I’d take Gryffindor, but not covering the spread here. Joey may have some new players, but he’s going to continue to lean on the people he knows until he gets more comfortable. This is a good game for them to figure stuff out. GRYFFINDOR BY 6

Eyes Downtown vs Marketing Mayors (+3) – I don’t know what the Mayors did to Topper, but to schedule the league’s hardest possible doubleheader is rough. You hate to see it. The Mayors will be coming off a hard fought game against PE just to be handed to the buzz saw that is Eyes Downtown. Fatigue might be a problem here. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 10

Public Enemy vs Tight Ends In Motion (+9) – Tight Ends always uses this game as a measuring stick. It just feels like they play harder against PE. A full squad PE handles this with no problem, but a squad missing some people on their second game? TEIM pulls the upset for the biggest win in their history. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 7

D2:

Last Week’s Scores:

Slytherin That End Zone 31, Bullet Club 28

Jabronies 37, HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO 36

Peachy Platoon 25, Sticky Bandits 18

DILF’s 28, Morning Wood 15

Sticky Bandits 36, HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO 28

The league’s closest division this season is right here in D2. Good games up and down the line. Starting with HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO, last year’s top seed, looking like this year’s bottom seed in the playoffs. While most people got in better shape during the quarantine, Topper was not on that list, and that combined with a lot of key roster losses has lead to a rough start for our fearless leader. The only thing that SITE vs BC had more of than touchdowns was interceptions. Slytherin went down big in the first half, only to make a pretty nice comeback over Bullet Club in the second half. Remember when Morning Wood was going to go undefeated? The Dilf’s sure didn’t, handing Morning Wood that all too familiar losing feeling. Sticky Bandits handled Team Topper with a win, but it’s the loss to Peachy Platoon that’s going to sting them the most. After taking the lead with a Dr. Christine touchdown with 2 minutes to play, Dean casually tossed the game winning touchdown on the first play of the next series. However, there’s some unexpected breaking news coming out of Peachyville. . .

This Week’s Games:

Peachy Platoon vs Jabronies (+5) – DEAN THOMPSON IS OUT FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON!!. Regular TSL correspondent Josh Thompson broke the news to me in email form this week: Dean is just really good at everything ever, and as a result his job wants him to work Saturdays with a cool promotion. Good for Dean, good for D2. Josh also reports that they have a QB of the future already in line, and they’re comfortable knowing he’s behind center. Even still, it’s impossible to replace the TSL’s version of Lamar Jackson. Peachy’s title hopes take a hit, but they’re still a top contender. Oh, the Jabronies are in this game too, fresh off their one point win against Team Topper. They’re coming along nicely, but I’m not sure they’re able to keep up with the Platoon, Dean or not. PEACHY PLATOON BY 3

Dilfs vs Bullet Club (EVEN) – A rematch from the D2 championship last year, where the Dilfs won by a slim margin in a fun game. I’d expect a bit more of the same here, with a fun back and forth contest. The Dilf’s haven’t much of a warm up just yet, but as usual Katie Keller is already doing Katie Keller things, with a pretty spectacular one handed TD last week. Bullet Club beat Peachy with Ricky at QB, and then watched Jeff Easton throw away last week’s game against SITE with 4 Interceptions after taking a two score lead. I don’t think there’s a QB controversy just yet if that’s how things are going to go. Bullet Club wins this game if Ricky plays, they lose if Jeff plays. It’ll be interesting to see which QB trots onto the field this week. BULLET CLUB BY 3 WITH RICKY, DILFS BY 7 WITH EASTON.

Slytherin That End Zone vs HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO (+12) – How the mighty have fallen. Topper already lost to Mo this season, and now he’s staring at losing to Gary as well? He might retire right there, on the spot if that happens. SITE gave away the game to Bullet Club early, as Newman threw three interceptions and wasn’t very good. Luckily, that SITE D is VERY good and kept getting the ball back too. If SITE feats on ducks like that, it could be a big day for Gary and Co. We’re not entirely sure Topper can throw over Coach Jay, so it’ll be GREAT if Coach Jay rushes Topper. Just saying. SITE BY 10

Sticky Bandits vs Morning Wood (+1) – I don’t love this line. Sticky beat the Dilf’s Week 1, who handily beat MW last week. I think it’s a little too close. Mike Thomas has really settled into his own, and in the email Josh from Peachy sent me, he went out of his way to talk about how nice Jeff Krol is, but more importantly how much better at football Dr. Christine is than Jeff. She was awesome last week, and it’ll be interesting to see if MW has any females that can keep up with them, other than Rachel Parker. STICKY BANDITS BY 12

D3:

Last Week’s Games:

All We Do Is Quinn 45, Vaspian 20

En Fuego 20, Scared Hitless 17

Scared Hitless 22, Vaspian 14

Grey Hair 41, The Untouchaballs 30

D3/D4 Crossover game: Frodo Swaggins 68, Family Feud 41

Vaspian had some really bright shirts, but they may be the lone bright spot of the season so far. After getting beat up on by AWDIQ, they went back onto the field much more determined against Hitless. . . and lost again. The season is young, of course, but that can’t be the best of signs. Grey Hair Don’t Care went out and smacked the Untouchaballs, which is exactly what they should’ve done in that game. Dark horse championship contender right there. En Fuego got a win against Scared Hitless as well, although it seems they were more concerned with the referees over their opponents. Tell me if you’ve heard this one before: Matt Kieta and a referee have words and an issue. At least he didn’t get beat up this time. But seriously, abuse of officials is the fastest way to get kicked out of this league. Especially for a repeat offender. Calm it down man, Ive heard nothing but good things about you since the last incident. Don’t ruin that. And in the Crossover game, Scotty Dro decided to score a bunch, so he did. 68 points in fact. Frodo might want to be worried about that 41 allowed though.

This Week’s Games:

Frodo Swaggins vs All We Do Is Quinn (+2) – Here’s a good matchup. Both teams elbow dropped their competition this season in the D3/D4 crossover games. This could very well be a preview of the D3 final. Garrett Beesing still has tremendous hands and is hard to cover. Quinn boasts a very talented roster, even with the losses they’ve had. Rawdog can’t cover Garrett, so it’ll be interesting to see who Quinn puts on him. It’s a close matchup, but give me the team with the better QB every time. SCOTTY SWAGGINS BY 10

En Fuego vs The Untouchaballs (+4) – The Untouchaballs still haven’t done much in their TSL careers, but its still early. En Fuego got a nice win to get them on track in the division, so let’s just hope they keep their heads in the game on the field and not on the sidelines. EN FUEGO BY 13

Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Scared Hitless (+7) – THIS IS FUN. The rivalry is on as these two teams that were formed when End Game divorced in the offseason clash in a fun battle. Brandon Farr took a good chunk of the roster to start Scared Hitless, but it seems they forgot they need a quarterback (and no, current guy isn’t the answer, sorry guys). Meanwhile, Grey Hair replaced the players they lost with better versions of the players that left. Some are younger too. Hitless still needs to figure it out a bit to win this one. GREY HAIR BY 12

D3/D4 Crossover game:

Cunning Stunts vs Vaspian (+4) – Well, there’s a really, really good chance that the Stunts break the trend of “D3 team stomps D4 team in this game”. CUNNING STUNTS BY 17

D4:

Last Week’s Games:

Buffalo Solar Solutions 46, Cunning Stunts 37

The Angels 35, Uncle Rico’s 32

Over Compensators 36, Freeballers 25

How about Buffalo Solar? I don’t want to call this a “signature” win by any means, but that’s a pretty great result for them. Getting a win over the Stunts is huge, regardless of which girls were and weren’t there. The Angels seem, well, mortal without Matty Ice. I’m sure Bobby is a great guy and stuff for them to have, but the Angels just seem to be missing that “Matty after 5 shots” swagger that would routinely lead them to 60 points a game. Maybe they’re just rounding into form though. Uncle Rico’s comes close to the upset that wouldn’t have been an upset. Finally, the OC gets a nice win in D4 at the expense of the Freeballers. 40 year plan guy has put together a nice squad it seems, and it’ll be fun to watch them figure it out.

This Week’s Games:

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers vs Family Feud And Some Dudes (+17) – The battle of the teams who have way too long names and I’m just going to stop typing them out eventually! Uncle Rico’s has already made their claim to the D4 title, and it’s a good one. They have potentially the best male in the division with Chris Nelson, and arguably the best female that isn’t on a gender team full of D1 girls in Jackee Thompson. QB Timmy has made strides in recent seasons as well, and things just keep trending up for them. Family Feud is a new team as far as I know (as they won’t email me to tell me, jerks), and while they put up some points on Frodo, they allowed 68. They need to figure that defense out, and fast. UNCLE RICOS BY 20

The Angels vs Over Compensators (+10) – A battle of current champions here as the D4 champs take on the D5 champs from last season. I don’t quite know what to make of the OC this season, but they did a good job in beating the Freeballers last week. Whatever they do, they need to schedule the makeup game with En Fuego, please. The Angels, as I said earlier, feel “off” without Matty. Usually they’d score 35 points in a half. Playing a gender team is always about the girl TDs, so if the OC wants to pull off the upset, they’ll need some stellar play from their females. STEP OUT AT THE 1 GUYS. THE ANGELS BY 12

Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Freeballers (+2) – I think I’d bet this line in Vegas. BSS feels much more polished as a team right now, and they’re riding the high of the win over the Stunts. FB is learning, we know that, and they’re figuring it out as a team. They have a relatively new QB in Boy George, they’re saddled with Scott Klussman, and the rest of the guys on the team are from the usual 2-7 teams, so nobody here really knows what it takes to win. Not yet anyway. They’re up and coming. You can tell because 40 year plan guy has yet to email me talking about how great they are. They *do* have an impressive female roster for sure. I’m sure blackmail was involved for that to happen. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 10

Cunning Stunts vs Family Feud (+10) – The best chance FF had was for the Stunts to have won last week. Now, with a loss to BSS underneath them, Joey Batts and Co will be more focused than ever to avoid a repeat of that loss. CUNNING STUNTS BY 14

D5:

Last Week’s Games:

Mountain Dew Me 37, ILF 12

Practice Squad 32, PTERATACOS 22

Intentional Pounding 39, TOX 35

Cobblestone 39, Zack Attack 14

Hey Cobblestone! That’s a great win, so clearly Darryl was there throwing dimes. Zack Attack got their bell rung in this one, but I still believe that they’ll make some waves in this division. Practice Squad did what they expected to do and beat the Pteratacos. Ho hum. Mountain Dew Me ran all over the Falcons, it was a McGregor family marathon as the various blonde dudes just did WORK over ILF. They’ve settled in quite nicely. The best game of the day is seeing the new Keller Squad get a win over Team Topper 2 in TOX. A really nice back and forth game here, with Scott Keller apparently picking off Topper after “flashing” him? Yeah, I saw The Sentinel say that one. It’s hilarious. More people read my article, so I had to get more eyes on that gem.

This Week’s Games:

Cobblestone vs Pteratacos (+1) – This is a game pitting very similar teams for sure. While the guys are about the same, Pteratacos have the edge in females. But of course Cobblestone has the edge at QB. I think the combined age of the starting QB’s is just over 157 years old. This should be a fun, high scoring affair. In the end, the hair wins out. COBBLESTONE BY 7

Mountain Dew Me vs TOX (+22) – MDM is taking the division by storm, and they’re looking like the biggest challengers to Practice Squad this season. The McGregor Brothers may all look the same, but its clear that Jordan is the standout. I think. Anyway, Cody is the one that throws the ball, I know that much. And they’re all ridiculously fast. TOX is the opposite of MDM, they’re loaded with more veteran talent than youth. They don’t believe in things like “speed” across the board. They do have the brains to play the game the right way, and many a time has brains defeated brawn. This looks like a mismatch, for sure. MOUNTAIN DEW ME BY 17

Zack Attack vs Intentional Pounding (+11) – The numbers aren’t kind to the Keller clan. After a feel good win, it may be right back to reality for the TSL’s #1 family. Zack Attack laid and egg last week, and I don’t think a single person on that team was okay with it. They’ll be looking to get back on track this weekend in spectacular fashion. ZACK ATTACK BY 14

D6:

Last Week’s Games:

Graves Bros 20, TMA 14

The BiPolar Express 40, Tater Tots 24

The Bambs 44, Lenny’s Ladies 28

Graves Bros and TMA met in a pretty close battle that was a bit low scoring. There were quite a few great defensive plays on both sides, be it rushing, interceptions, or just good coverage. The QB’s were off on both sides all day, but I think a rushing Gronk really befuddled the TMA QB. BPX got by the Tater Tots as the Non-Award Winning Tommy Hughes stepped in this week for Gordon. The offense was humming in that one. The Bambs took advantage of a Lenny’s Ladies team defense that’s still working on figuring things out. Even when The Bambs got in trouble in their own end, usually a deep ball ended up giving them a key big play.

This Week’s Games:

Blitzkrieg vs Lenny’s Ladies (+12) – Blitzkrieg is looking to capitalize on their Week 1 start, and this may be the right matchup for them to keep that up. It’s awesome that we have another gender team in the TSL, but as we’ve learned with BiPolar, it takes a season or two for the girls who aren’t used to playing certain positions to understand what’s going on. It’s a learning process for sure. All of the reports point to the Ladies being talented, that’s for sure. Regardless, if QB Alex calls a good game, BK should walk away with this one. BLITZKRIEG BY 10

PC Plumbing vs TMA (+9) – I’m not exactly sure why PC Plumbing would be given that high of a line against TMA, but here we are. PC boasts the best girl in the matchup with Katie Swanson, but TMA has the better compliment of guys, lead by Brian Ferger, who according to one source is “always open”. The QB’s are about the same, and perhaps both need to work on scanning the field a little bit better. I think the TMA defense is better overall, however, and that should give them the edge. TMA BY 3

Graves Bros vs The BiPolar Express (+3) – Which QB will BPX see? Graves Bros had a nice win over TMA, but they didn’t score nearly as much as they should’ve in that contest. Are we starting to see some offensive woes from them? They’ll need to do a bit better on that side of the ball if they want to keep pace with the BPX girls, who are led by Cat Peters. This should be a fun contest. THE BIPOLAR EXPRESS BY 7

The Bambs vs Tater Tots (+13) – The Tots are very, very much improved this year, but The Bambs seem to be taking a hold of the division. In both games this season, The Bambs relied on the long ball to hit some nice touchdowns. They’re hard to defend against, and even when you think you have them pinned down, they break for a long score. I don’t think the Tots’ D is ready for that challenge just yet. THE BAMBS BY 15

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

1. Will the police come again? Word is that the Lancaster Police and the Health Department are considering starting their own team if they’re going to be called there every week anyway.

2. Will Morning Wood ever win again? After Mo declared they’d go undefeated, they have yet to win a game.

3. Will people remember to exit on the other side of the fields this week? The biggest “issue”, if you can even call it that, is people not realizing that you can’t leave the fields the same way you came in and they get redirected. We’ll all catch on soon, I’m sure.

4. What storylines will start to emerge? The biggest shame of the #TSL2020 season has been that the main storyline has been just getting the season to get going after all. With that finally settled, what stars are going to show up and make things interesting?

5. Who’s going to get their makeup games in? Seriously, we have some time to get these games in at 9 and 4. Work with your fellow captains and get these straightened out. The sooner the better, please.

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

1. Please remember that YES, you’ll have to sign into the Topper Sports Covid App each and every week.

2. The whispers of the TSL Indoor Winter League are growing louder.

3. It was a weird week without being able to read the weekly media from the TSL that isn’t this article. It’s funny how much I look forward to the QB Power Rankings, The Sentinel, and listening to the podcast each week.

4. Games of the Week: Public Enemy vs Marketing Mayors, Dilfs vs Bullet Club, Grey Hair vs Scared Hitless, Buffalo Solar vs Free Ballers, Cobblestone vs Pteratacos, PC Plumbing vs TMA.

5. Teams trending up: Mountain Dew Me, Slytherin That End Zone, The Bambs, Buffalo Solar Solutions

6. Teams trending down: Tight Ends In Motion, TMA, Vaspian, Peachy Platoon

7. Has anyone seen B’s Brother? Seriously.

8. Maybe we’ll have a winter wine tournament, complete with wine slushies. Who’s in?

9. It always seems to be someone’s birthday each week. I really hope Brent is okay. Someone needs to mail me a piece of cake.

10. Again, thank you to everyone who came out of the woodwork to help with the league with our issues the last few weeks. It truly shows how much the league means to each and every one of you. You’re the reason Topper does what he does in working so hard to keep this league running as smoothly as possible.

The weather is looking to be about 80 degrees tomorrow, so wear your sunscreen, and have a ton of fun out there. I can’t wait to hear about how Saturday goes down. Email me, let me know.

I’ll be looking for the cut.

-GF