• Print
• Email

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, the second half of the Fall 2022 season is in full swing, and all we’ve learned so far is that we know next to nothing. Week 6 has come and gone in our illustrious history and it taught us that this season is far from being understood. What kind of things did we learn you ask? Let me tell you.

 

For starters, the teams that ran the show have already lost their mystique. Frodo Swaggins (D2), Bullet Club (D3), and TMA (D5) all blew their perfect records and lost this week for the first time. Frodo and Bullet Club lost to the teams in 2nd place in their division, but TMA got run over by the Woodpeckers, who are once again peaking at the right time this session. Their whole team showed up, and they handled business. All of a sudden, D5 isn’t a “slam dunk” anymore.

 

Travis Henry’s Kids isn’t washed like we thought they might be. You can only question a team that loses by slim margins for so long before you realize that maybe they’re just not that good. They completely dispatched both orange teams in D4 pretty easily, by a combined score of 77-27 and got right out of 10th place and into the playoffs.

 

Zack Attack’s offense was a thing of beauty, until reality set in last weekend. ZA didn’t score a single point, which makes you wonder just how much of a fluke the first half of the season was.

 

And those are just a handful of the “surprises” we got this week. Of course, not everything was a shocker. Tight Ends In Motion have reclaimed the throne of “Best Team In The League” and they’re just holding onto that. Blitzkrieg and Not So Sticky are on a collision course for the D6 title. Come From Behind is still using all of their 10,352 games of experience to lay the smack down on their opponents. Spinelli’s Plumbing can put up 60 points easier than any other team in the league. Practice Squad has “maxed out” in D3 it seems.

 

            Every team has played at least 6 games. At this point, we can really see who’s shaping up to have quite a playoff run and who’s stumbling down the stretch. We’re getting into the TSL Ladder Match weeks for some of our divisions, and we have even more playoff implications going on this week. Let’s get into it.

 

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Scores:

 

Tight Ends In Motion 44, Scared Hitless 14

Eyes Downtown 52, Passed Our Prime 17

Sticky Bandits 49, The Replacements 14 (D1/D2 Crossover)

 

 

Stop me if you’ve heard this before. Tight Ends In Motion and Eyes Downtown dominated their opponents. We’re a Public Enemy win away from me just being able to copy paste a 2019 article here. Not a close game was played this week, as Sticky also dominated The Replacements in the crossover game.

 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Legends (+7) - It’s weird giving the Legends a touchdown, but after TEIM put them in their place last time, I don’t see a world where they aren’t the underdogs. The Legends had a great time throwing a fun party when their parents were gone, but unfortunately for them, daddy’s home. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 10

 

Eyes Downtown vs Sticky Bandits (+7) - After a rough start, Bobby found his magic bandana and times are good in ED land yet again. They’re on a 4 game winning streak, and the only losses they’ve had are to the teams above them in the standings, and oh goodness that defense is sexy. Sticky, meanwhile, has been the definition of average. 3-3 record, 197 PF, and 190 PA. It’s not where Sticky Nation wants to be, but right now they seem to be on an island in D1: just behind the Top 3, but firmly ahead of the Bottom 3. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 15

 

Scared Hitless vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+6) - The one thing both of these teams have going for them this year is that onlookers tend to say “well, it could be worse, they could be Passed Our Prime”. There were always going to be the inevitable growing pains moving to D1 and I hope these teams realize that and don’t “give up” in the Spring. Both are 2-5, and both have given up 274 and 273 respectively. The only difference is that Scared Hitless’s offense is a tick better. SCARED HITLESS BY 3

 

D1/D2 Crossover Game:

 

Passed Our Prime vs The Replacements (+20) - The TSL Football Gods are cruel. It’s bad enough that The Replacements are bleeding all over the place in shark infested waters in D2, but they’re ALSO the team that gets TWO crossover games? The only bonus from this is that it's only POP they’re playing. Passed Our Prime is a solid team, but to compete in D1 they need that ONE player that really pushes them over the top. Hogan needs to call his friends in the offseason to see who he can get for the Spring. PASSED OUR PRIME BY 12

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Frodo Swaggins 29, Buffalo Vice Retro 0

No Punt Intended 38, Frodo Swaggins 12

No Punt Intended 21, The Untouchaballs 0 (Forfeit)

 

The Untouchaballs were too scared to play No Punt Intended this week, and for good reason. NPI walloped Frodo Swaggins to stake their claim as D2’s top team last week. Frodo, meanwhile, also made easy work of BV Retro as well.

 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

No Punt Intended vs Frodo Swaggins (+6) - So let’s do this dance again. The winner of this game has the inside track for the D2 bye week, and the loser of this game has the inside track to the other D2 bye week, which is playing The Replacements. Perhaps last week was a fluke, and Frodo underestimated NPI? We’ll see this week. I don’t think it was though. NO PUNT INTENDED BY 12

 

The Untouchaballs vs Buffalo Vice Retro (+9) - These teams are both 2-5, but don’t get anything twisted. The Untouchaballs are much, much better than BVR. Scheduling conflicts caused UT to have two forfeit losses, and if you ignore the beating they got from TEIM in the crossover game, their other two losses were two points to Frodo, and two points to the DILFs in a game they had won until the final play. BVR is currently just The Replacements with better defense. They’ve only scored 20 more points than TR in the same amount of games. Yikes. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 17

 

DILFs vs Freeballers (+10) - I get that the Freeballers love to play with a chip on their shoulder and prove to all of the “haters” and “doubters” that they’re better everyone thinks, but after 5 seasons of this, maybe they’re just not that good, and they’re about as average as everyone thought? We’ll see how well they hold up against the DILFs this week, who are the actual definition of a good team that loves to play .500 football every season. DILFS BY 11

 

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Mountain Dew Me 29, Bullet Club 28

716 55, Scott Senior’s Starting 46

716 29, Mountain Dew Me 28

Can’t Touch This 30, Itches and Ohs 24

Get Schwifty 35, Practice Squad 32

 

Mountain Dew Me knocked Bullet Club off the list of the unbeatens before falling to 716 an hour later by the same 29-28 score. 716 went 2-0 on the day, sliding into 2nd place in the division with wins over SSS (who are in the middle of their usual downswing this season) and MDM. Can’t Touch This takes a nice win over Itches and Ohs, and Get Schwifty gets another win, this time over the struggling Practice Squad.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Bullet Club vs Scott Seniors Starting (+7) - This matchup looked a lot more enticing on paper a couple of weeks ago, but since then BC lost their first game (with apparently some help from a “stopwatch malfunction” I’m being told) and SSS have lost 3 straight to tumble to 3-4. It’s going to come down to how often BC’s top ranked defense can stop SSS’ highly ranked top offense. BULLET CLUB BY 6

 

Bullet Club vs Can’t Touch This (+7) - These two squads meet again after going head to head in Week 1 earlier this season, a 12 point BC victory that wasn’t very close. But that was then. Since going 0-2 the first week, CTT is 3-0 with wins over 716, Schwifty, and Practice Squad. There’s at least one solid win in there. And with Anthony “The Better” Battaglia giving Handsome, Rocket Armed QB Ryan another option out there, the future is bright for the rascals in red. A new contender has entered the fight.  CAN’T TOUCH THIS BY 8

 

716 vs Practice Squad (+10) - 716 is on the rise after a big 2-0 week that showed everyone that yeah, they’re a D3 title contender. Practice Squad isn’t exactly “running for the bus” at this point, but it has to be feeling like a “lost season” for the Lantz crew. The jump to D3 has been a learning experience for the Squad, and there are brighter days ahead. They’re just not this Saturday. 716 by 13

 

716 vs Get Schwifty (+8) - If you’re going to have a doubleheader, this is the one to have. 716 takes on the two low seeds back to back, and while Schwifty is better than most think they are, they’re not THAT much better. 716 continues to roll. 716 BY 11

 

Mountain Dew Me Vs Itches And Ohs (+9) - MDM made a statement last week that they’re here to contend for the title. They played two hard fought games against the top two teams in the division and they learned they can absolutely win this thing. Itches, however, are struggling to learn if they can win D3 or not this season. They’ve been off this year, as their uncharacteristic 2-4-1 record shows. More surprising is that their offense just isn’t getting it done, which was their bread and butter for quite some time. MDM rides their momentum to a victory. MOUNTAIN DEW ME BY 12

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing 62, Cobblestone 34

Buffalo Vice 31, Zack Attack 0

Travis Henry’s Kids 36, Vaspian 8

Travis Henry’s Kids 41, TOX 19

Puckett All-Stars 50, ILF 35

Cunning Stunts 69, TOX 16

Vaspian 30, ILF 20

 

Spinelli’s offense brutalizes Cobblestone’s weak defense while Buffalo Vice shuts out Zack Attack. THK finally wakes up and goes 2-0 to get out of the basement, while ILF and TOX go 0-2 to head to it. Puckett and the Stunts stay dominant, and Vaspian goes 1-1 along the way to stay afloat.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs Vaspian (+13) - When I first saw this line, I thought it might be too high, but the truth is that it's less about Vaspian as it is about the red hot Spinelli’s offense. The last time Spinelli’s was on a heater like this, they won the whole thing. Twice. Vaspian will do all they can to slow Spinelli’s down, but the issue at hand might be just scoring enough to keep up. This won’t be one of those 16-14 games Vaspian is so good at winning. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 17

 

Buffalo Vice vs TOX (+8) - Despite TOX starting off 1-0, it's been nothing but pain since. 6 straight losses put them right in danger of missing the playoffs. This week is a playoff game for TOX. A loss to Vice here ends their season, as they won’t have any tiebreakers with the teams above them (they lost to THK last week, and they’d have a loss to Vice in this scenario) and they can’t catch anyone on record/points. A Vice loss doesn’t put them in as bad of a position, as their Week 1 tie with Spinelli’s is their saving grace. A loss just makes the next two games even MORE important. But I don't think they’ll have to worry about it. BUFFALO VICE BY 4

 

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Buffalo Vice (+5) - The real THK showed up to play last week, and as a result they’re in a much better position than they were the last time this article was released. While they have another double header this week (absolutely rough scheduling), this game matters most to them. A win here clinches a playoff spot, and anything after that will be a bonus. Based on the slow start to the season, I’m sure they’ll take it. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 8

 

Puckett All-Stars vs Travis Henry’s Kids (+9) - Right now, Puckett is on a crash course with the Stunts for the rematch of all rematches. They’ve been on fire, and I still don’t think they’re getting enough love. This matchup would’ve been fantastic to see with both teams being fresh, but I’m pretty sure that THK will have some players in their 4th and 5th games (assuming Deak doesn’t tear his quad getting out of bed in the morning) and they’ll be understandably less than 100%. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 19

 

Zack Attack vs Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (+4) - Both teams are 3-3 and trying to figure out if they’re contenders or pretenders here. They both have very similar defenses, but the difference is on the offensive side of the ball. Even with Zack Attack laying a complete egg last week, they’re still a bit better than ILF, who just haven’t quite found themselves yet this season. Lucky for them, this might be the time to do so…. INTERDIMENSIONAL LIGHTNING FALCONS BY 1

 

Cunning Stunts vs Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (+13) - ….because this one isn’t. The Stunts are slapping cheeks all over the place this season, as they’re one of two undefeated teams left in the TSL this season (TEIM is the other). They’ve beaten their two biggest contenders already in Puckett and Spinelli’s, and there’s nothing to suggest they’ll blow it in the first round of the playoffs, other than a deep history of doing exactly that again and again. This game isn’t the one where cracks start to show. CUNNING STUNTS BY 18

 

Zack Attack vs Cobblestone (+8) - For what it’s worth, Cobblestone more than likely shouldn’t be 1-6. They’re a much better team than that, but for as much as they can score, they can’t play a lick of defense. If they’re going to make the playoffs, they MUST win this game. Luckily, they get a Zack Attack team that seems all out of sorts at the moment, so it seems like it's good timing to catch them in this state. COBBLESTONE BY 3

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Woodpeckers 35, TMA 24

Today’s Feast 29, Passing While Intoxicated 16

Come From Behind 34, Let’s Get Reccked 0

 

I did a triple take when I saw that the Woodpeckers took out TMA, but alas, it’s true. Today’s Feast continues to climb as they out duel PWI, and finally Come From Behind takes an easy one from LGR.

 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Come From Behind vs Woodpeckers (+7) - Which round of the Peckers are we going to see this week? After 5 weeks of roster struggles and rough play, the biggest news of Week 6 were the emails I got about how the Woodpeckers finally got their entire roster to the fields and they dominated TMA. Well, here’s the other contender to the D5 throne, let's see if Joe B has some magic left in that arm. A win here would send the entire division in a blender. Let’s ride the wave. WOODPECKERS BY 10

 

TMA vs Passing While Intoxicated (+10) - The best thing to happen to TMA was last week’s wake up call. TMA always plays better with some sort of chip on their shoulder, and now they get to double up on that this week as they take on the team that upset them in last year’s playoffs. Yeah, they already beat them this season, but they may as well do it again. Especially against a PWI team that just can’t seem to get it together this season. TMA BY A BILLION (or maybe just 16)

 

Woodpeckers vs Today’s Feast (+6) - Which Woodpeckers show up will once again be the answer here, but I could also say the same for Today’s Feast who can look good some weeks, and then can look like they’re not even playing the same sport as everyone else in others. I’m going to assume the Peckers bring the house again here. WOODPECKERS BY 9

 

Today’s Feast vs Let’s Get Reccked (+7) - It’s fun seeing Today’s Feast as the favorite. The TSL’s most average team through 6 weeks (seriously, they’re 3-3 with 150 points for and 150 points against) have got to be enjoying life as things start to click for them. The good times keep rolling as they get a very discombobulated team in LGR, who will be without namesake Ricky Recckio for the foreseeable future. TODAY’S FEAST BY 10

 

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Punt Cakes 56, Two Tuddies 20

Not So Sticky 26, Superior Moser Squad 9

Blitzkrieg 47, Lenny’s Ladies 0

Not So Sticky 33, Blitzkrieg 28

 

 

Punt Cakes picked up their second win of the year, manhandling the Tuddies. Not So Sticky handled the Superior Moser Squad and Blitzkrieg kept Lenny’s Ladies out of the endzone to set up a big 1v2 matchup that saw NSS take the victory.

 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Blitzkrieg vs Superior Moser Squad (+8) - SMS is enjoying a nice first season, as the argument for who is the best Moser QB heats up (here’s a hint: they live in Steve’s house, but it isn’t Steve) and I’ll always root for a team that has a female QB out there. But, it's fair to say that I’ve been a fan of Blitzkrieg for a long time, even when they’d constantly let me down. I remember the good old days when Alex was there every week, and Allie was the next best thing  on the fields. I remember when Tom was the best dual threat player in the division. Well, they’re gone, and the squad we have now is thriving as they make a name for themselves. All it took was some Light Red Hoodie QB magic, and some confidence and now we have a team that’s ready to win this thing. I’m all in on them, again. BLITZKRIEG BY 17

 

Not So Sticky vs Punt Cakes (+10) - The top team in the division takes on a Punt Cakes team that is slowly starting to figure out this football thing. Punt Cakes’ defense keeps them in games, it’s just a question of whether or not their offense can keep up. NSS seems to be drinking less than ever, which means they’re winning more. Someone get these guys another huggie bomb or 3. NOT SO STICKY BY 8

 

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Was last week an aberration for the top teams that lost? For some, yes. While I’d love to say the standings are going to be all shook up and we know nothing anymore, the truth is that I think Bullet Club, TMA, and Blitzkrieg are going to be just fine. If all three teams didn’t lose again for the rest of the season, I wouldn’t be surprised. Frodo Swaggins however, well, they have a buzzsaw to deal with in No Punt Intended. If they can’t show up against them this week, we have a new odds on favorite in D2.
2. What teams are we sleeping on? You’re starting to see this answer already. 716 has been quietly good all season and just got a few big wins last week. As much fun as it is to point out that John Langley is a head case, etc, THK still has an entire team of great players and they’re two plays from being 4-2. Can’t Touch This is a sleeping giant that is ready to emerge. At first glance at the standings, The Untouchaballs look like ass, sitting at 2-5, but once you dive into it, you realize they’re not too far off from contending for the D2 title, though I DO wish we got to see them play No Punt Intended.
3. Who really needs a win this week? Technically, only Cobblestone and TOX “need” wins this week to keep them in the playoff race. But in terms of keeping it together, I think the Legends need a win against Tight Ends just so that they know they can beat them. I also feel like ILF could really use a win after last week’s 0-2 run. The Freeballers need to beat the DILFs as well.
4. Will the referees bounce back? The hands down most talked about thing in my emails this week were about many of the referee mistakes that occurred last weekend. And a lot of that was about new refs not knowing the rules or admitting to not even reading the rulebook. This was the first week I really received word about some big mistakes, so we should assume things will get back to normal, but I’ve already heard that the powers that be are doing things to prevent this from happening again. But seriously, if you’re going to referee, at least read the rules over. And it’s okay to stop the game and ask for help. Nobody will get mad that you’re doing your best to get a call right.
5. What shape will the fields be in? It appears that fall hit Buffalo pretty hard, and it's been raining a LOT. That should soften up the fields, provided they’re not still flooded. Saturday looks to be about 60 degrees, overcast, and a little windy, as the second half of the season will continue to be played in dramatically different conditions than the first half was when it was constantly 85 degrees and the fields were “concrete like”.

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

 

1. I got to listen to the TSL podcast this week, and I enjoyed hearing Dorene and B on the show. I know they have a lot of stories from back when I was playing in the league before I moved to my log cabin here in Des Moines, Iowa, and hopefully we’ll get to hear some of them next time.
2. Thank you to those who have emailed me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. with their news and notes on their teams so far this season. Getting information was a lot easier when Lenny (and then Rameer) would talk my ear off on a Sunday or Monday about what was going on in the league. They knew everything. So please, take a second to shout out yourself or your teammates. Every little bit helps.
3. Breakfast Club Predictions:
1. Amber Alert 45, Messy Jessies 22
2. Steph Infection 40, Jennacide 37
3. BDSM 30, Special Kay’s 28
4. Best Games Of The Week:
   1. 10:00 - Tight Ends In Motion vs Legends
   2. 11:00 - Bullet Club vs Can’t Touch This
   3. 12:00 - Eyes Downtown vs Sticky Bandits
   4. 1:00 - Buffalo Vice vs Travis Henry’s Kids
   5. 2:00 - Freeballers vs DILFs
   6. 3:00 - Mountain Dew Me vs Itches and Ohs
5. Whispers are saying that December 9th is looking like the likely date for the banquet. Nothing is confirmed yet, just, you’d be smart to keep that date open.
6. B’s Brother was at the fields yet again this week, and he was confirmed to be calling out Topper for his absences. Topper, of course, has been on official league business in Ireland, as we consider all options for the league, which includes going international.
7. If I recall correctly, doesn’t someone still need to be Cookie and Elmo for past punishments? If you know who this is, feel free to tag them in the Facebook comments.
8. Has anyone seen the newest edition of “The Manager”? Yeah, me neither.
9. The TSLQBPRC has come out with its Top Males in the league list, which means people will be yelling how they should’ve been ranked this week every time they make a play.
10. The bar deserves a shout out this week as I’ve been told they’ve been really good to the league this year, other than the closing for bees. Good work.

 

 

It’s Friday. You’re only a day away from playing in the greatest Social Co-Ed Touch Football league in the world. Good luck this weekend. I’ll be in the cut.

 

-GF OUT

• Prev
• Next