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And we’re off! 

 

The Spring 2023 session of the TSL officially began last weekend, as the Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality got off to a rousing start. It was a fantastic day, if you played at 10:00. After that, I received multiple reports of wind, rain, “sideways rain from the wind”, and it was a bit chilly as the day continued. On the plus side, we finished every single game. On the minus side, it wasn’t as telling a ‘Week 1’ as it should’ve been. 

 

But none of that matters, because in my over ten years of doing this, I’ve come to learn that Week 1 is NEVER a good representation of how the season goes. So how is one supposed to know what was a good example of what is to come and what was just a Week 1 mirage? 

 

Well, you get me to tell you. My extremely keen eye has been trained over the years to accurately recognize these sorts of things. 

 

THINGS THAT YOU SHOULDN’T BELIEVE:

 

-Goatsack and Scared Hitless both got shut out this weekend, but don’t expect that trend to continue. While they were lucky enough to play in the “good” weather hours (11:00 was mostly dry?) they didn’t play *that* bad. Some end zone interceptions for Goatsack did them in (which happens against Come From Behind) and Scared Hitless was shaking off the rust, missing some people, and went up against Sticky Bandits who had just won the indoor league and were much more ready to go. 

 

-The Tater Tots started the season off with a loss, but I’m attributing most of that to them only having one female to start the game and Derek Pew still needing to get used to his receivers. Trying to do all of that in terrible weather means an uninspiring loss that won’t matter as time goes on. 

THINGS THAT YOU MAYBE SHOULD BELIEVE:

 

-Grey Hair Don’t Care looked like they’re for real last weekend, going head to head with Eyes Downtown in a close loss before dismantling Frodo Swaggins. They’ve got some new jerseys and they’re in a “look good, feel good” state of mind. 

 

-Let's Get Reccked was reportedly dominant over the Jabronies last weekend, and it seems like adding Buchlis and Baker to the team really has them going in the right direction. 

THINGS THAT YOU SHOULD BELIEVE:

 

-Wanderers showed they belonged this weekend, gutting out a tough win over Degeneration Sexxy after a close loss to Bullet Club. They’re 100% going to be in the mix for the D3 championship. 

 

-Southside is scary good in D6, and they should be considered the favorites to win the division from here on out. 

-Frodo Swaggins is going to be overmatched in D1.

The point of all this is simple: it doesn’t matter how good or how bad you looked in Week 1. We still have a LOT of football left for you to get better (or for everything to go really, really wrong). 

Now let’s get to the games: 

 

D1: 

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Sticky Bandits 37, Scared Hitless 0

Losing Streak 22, Tight Ends In Motion 8

Eyes Downtown 27, Grey Hair Don’t Care 20

Legends 45, Frodo Swaggins 14

Grey Hair Don’t Care 40, Frodo Swaggins 10

Sticky Bandits start off hot against Scared Hitless as they cruise to an easy victory to start the season off right. Losing Streak makes a statement that they’re in this as a serious D1 contender, playing strong against a TEIM squad that is still figuring things out in their little roster shake up they had. Eyes Downtown came out victorious against a VERY spry GHDC team who looked very good in defeat, and then even better in a dominant victory over Frodo Swaggins. Things didn’t go well for Frodo at all last weekend, as they also lost to the Legends, who were starting their backup QB and still managed to put up 45 points. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Legends vs Sticky Bandits (EVEN) - What a way to kick off the day for the TSL! The defending outdoor champs vs the indoor champions. Both of these teams have title aspirations and they both looked very, very good last week in blowout victories. I’m expecting a very close game where the first team that blinks on offense will lose the game. For whatever reason, I feel like that’s going to be Sticky. LEGENDS BY 3

 

Eyes Downtown vs Frodo Swaggins (+17) - 17 points is a pretty steep line, but I’m not the one that makes the lines. Eyes Downtown looked pretty sharp last week, even in the elements. Frodo looked like a team that needs a little more time to get it together. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and being a contending D1 team takes a little more time than one week. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 15

 

Losing Streak vs Scared Hitless (+10) - Losing Streak looked right at home last weekend, cruising to a victory over TEIM. Scared Hitless looked pretty much the opposite of that. As I mentioned before though, Scared Hitless shouldn’t be assumed to be a cake walk. They’ve proven time and again that they sometimes start slow but if you sleep on them, you’ll get beat. They’re deserving of your respect. In this battle though, as long as Losing Streak doesn’t come into this game thinking it’ll be easy, they won’t be upset. LOSING STREAK BY 7

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

No Punt Intended 32, Untouchaballs 31

No Punt Intended 27, Mavericks 26

Untouchaballs 21, Freeballers 15

Freeballers 34, Practice Squad 29

D2 last week: 4 games, 5 teams, all one score games. Ladies and Gentlemen, D2 is going to be absolutely awesome all year. Like you, when I saw that D2 was only going to have 5 teams this year, I was bummed. It made me long for the years where D2 was the most fun division in the league. Well, we might be back to that. If every game is going to be a close one like this, where anyone can win at any time? This is going to be FUN. There are no stragglers in this division, and every team should’ve walked away last week thinking they could win the title. No Punt Intended is 2-0 after two straight one point wins over Untouchaballs and the Mavericks, who were up 26-0 at one point. The Untouchaballs went 1-1 after a close loss to NPI but they rebounded to beat the Freeballers. The Freeballers then went on to go 1-1 themselves after beating Practice Squad in PS’ D2 Debut. All of these teams are going to be better. Everyone is going to be awesome. D2 is must see Social Co-Ed Football. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Untouchaballs vs Mavericks (+3) - One of the least surprising reports my field spies sent me was that Jeremy Burr was DEALING last Saturday. He was VERY close to being 2-0, and there’s a good chance he spent most of the last week lamenting that loss. The Mavericks might have gotten too cocky when they got out to a big lead and that cost them in the end, so hopefully they’ve already learned not to assume that they have a game in hand. This should be fun, but I’ll roll with Burr right now. UNTOUCHABALLS BY 3

 

No Punt Intended vs Freeballers (+3) - NPI went to 2-0 against arguably their toughest two competitors in D2, but like I said earlier, this can be anyone’s division. If the Freeballers are for real, this is the game for them to show everyone in the TSL they can win this division. Right now, it feels like they’re a step behind, but it’s a baby step. And that baby step is what ruins them this week. NO PUNT INTENDED BY 2.

 

Mavericks vs Freeballers (+1) - While I don’t think any game is a “must win”, as soon as I typed “Mavericks vs Freeballers” that’s the feeling I got. Considering that I’m currently saying both of these teams are going to lose their first games, I think both teams are going to come into this one with a little more desire to get into the win column. The Freeballers don’t want to be 1-3, and the Mavericks don’t want to be 0-3. That means we’ll get some fun football here. But I think the Mavericks will pull this out. MAVERICKS BY 2.

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Bullet Club 42, Can’t Touch This 37

Bullet Club 38, Wanderers 34

Wanderers 31, Degeneration Sexxy 28

Let’s Get Reccked 28, Jabronies 7

 

Bullet Club picks up where they left off last season, getting out to a 2-0 record with last minute wins over Can’t Touch This and the Wanderers. The Wanderers would go on to win a close one in their next game against Degeneration Sexxy. Let's Get Reccked handled the Jabronies pretty easily. A lot of exciting games in D3 so far, and we haven’t even seen Vaspian and Itches and Ohs play yet either. I don’t think a favorite has truly shown themselves here just yet. 

This Week’s Games: 

 

Bullet Club vs Vaspian (+7) - Vaspian makes a jump up to D3 after getting Drew Colosimo back on the roster after a few seasons Drew-less in D4. Their first game is against the 2-0 Bullet Club, who looked good, but not great last week. Vaspian has been known for having some very good defense, and with Travis Henry’s Kids playing at the same time as BC this week, I’d wager that they’ll be missing Pete (bad thing) and Langley (good thing). This all adds up to a Vaspian “upset” of sorts. VASPIAN BY 6

 

Can’t Touch This vs Jabronies (EVEN) - Both teams lost last week, but one of these teams looked good doing it. Can’t Touch This had a battle with Bullet Club and they took the lead late before giving up a late TD to lose at the end. Multiple eyewitness reports said that CTT looked really good, like they’re about to take the next step in their development. The Jabronies have the knowledge on how to be successful in this league, and maybe last week was an aberration, but until they show me otherwise, I'll just go with the trends. CAN'T TOUCH THIS BY 6

 

Wanderers vs Let’s Get Reccked (+3) - The Wanderers had the impressive debut that everyone thought they would. They were very close to starting out 2-0, and were as good as advertised. Let’s Get Reccked turned a few heads with a dominating win over the Jabronies after jumping up two divisions. This should be a great back and forth between two smart teams. WANDERERS BY 1

 

Degeneration Sexxy vs Itches and Ohs (+8) - Itches and Ohs gets back on the field this week for the first time this season. The Ohs have had mixed results in D3 so far, and things aren’t going to get any easier after losing Laura for the season. I’m not sure how they attempted to replace that productivity. They get a Degeneration Sexxy team that looked good in defeat last week, as the Kellers continue to play smart football. They still have all-world WR Katie Keller, and a host of talent for Scotty Dro to fire the ball at. DEGENERATION SEXXY BY 10

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Buffalo Vice 38, Baadies 33

Travis Henry’s Kids 39, Cobblestone 13

 

Not a ton of action in D4, as only half the division had games last week. Buffalo Vice started the season off right with a win over the Baadies, who looked good in defeat. Garrett was on the TSL Podcast this week (listen on Spotify!) taking blame for the loss, but everyone already knew it was going to be his fault. Travis Henry’s Kids had an easy time navigating the elements in a win over Cobblestone, who were a bit shorthanded anyway. Still, a good start for THK. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Passing While Intoxicated (+3) - THK gets a tougher test this week as they take on the defending D5 champions in PWI, who moved up to D4 this season. PWI is largely the same exact team as they were before, so it may take them a minute to adjust to the step up in competition. THK adding Aaron from TOX will turn out to pay dividends as Langley can’t possibly throw to Pete on every play. Right? TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 7

 

Baadies vs Passing While Intoxicated (+6) - Baadie’s Angels look to get their first win of the season after nearly capturing it a week ago. While PWI has played together for a bit, they haven’t had to play a gender team of this caliber before, and they may not be able to keep pace. The PWI Ladies are solid but none of them can really hold up with the Angels, and I expect Garrett to exploit those mismatches. BAADIES BY 13

 

Buffalo Vice vs Cunning Stunts (EVEN) - It’s always a good game when these two teams meet, so this should be no different. Vice gets the pleasure of getting the gender teams out of the way early in the schedule, and they usually perform very well against them regardless. I think getting the Stunts in their first game of the season will be helpful, and Vice moves to 2-0. BUFFALO VICE BY 4

 

Puckett All-Stars vs Baadies (+6) - Puckett was very, very good last season. They’ve had 6 months to really think about how they should’ve been D4 champions, and I think they’re coming back with a vengeance to win it all this season. I expect them to be pretty fired up for this one. They’re talented all around, and they have some sneaky good females to help them keep pace. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 3

 

Cobblestone vs Creekers (+6) - The Creekers are a brand new team that I don't believe have played a down yet in an organized league. Darryl Carr QB Superstar alone has played 3,259,505 snaps. The Creekers get to play football royalty off the bat, and Darryl is going to eat their “learn defense on the fly” defense up. COBBLESTONE BY 20, DARRYL WILL LOOK AWESOME

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games: 

 

Come From Behind 32, Goatsack! 0

TMA 30, Gucci 26

ILF 20, Tater Tots 13

Not So Sticky 18, Long Balls 7

D5 gave us a lot to think about. Come From Behind welcomed Goatsack to the league in a 32-0 drubbing, but reports were positive that Goatsack should be fine. CFB, meanwhile, looks like a big D5 contender this time around. TMA showed that they’re going to be just fine without half of their team as they took a close game against Gucci, who also looked really good in their return to the TSL. ILF snuck out a victory over the Tots who were still learning how to gel with their new QB. And Not So Sticky got a win as the D6 champs from the Fall welcomed the Long Balls into the league the only way they know how. Fun football. 

This Week’s Games:

 

Goatsack vs Long Balls (+3) - Okay, so these teams may have only combined for 7 points total last week, but Goatsack gets tons of credit for really showing up where it counts: The Bar. These teams were playing some very good D5 title contenders right out of the gate, so the view is skewed on them slightly. This should be an excellent matchup, and in this case, give me the team that’s played together for forever. GOATSACK! BY 13

 

Not So Sticky vs Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (+7) - With Andrew Kicak throwing for ILF, their chances of winning dramatically decline. I say this, fully knowing that they’re 1-0 right now. But Not So Sticky knows Andrew pretty well, and they’re 100% going to exploit his lack of talents this week. NOT SO STICKY BY 12, KICAK THROWS TWO PICKS. 

 

Come From Behind vs Tater Tots (+7) - Come From Behind is looking like the early D5 favorites, and why shouldn’t they? They have a perfect mix of old and new talent, they represent well at the bar, and they’re in the mix EVERY YEAR. This shouldn’t be a surprise. The Tater Tots start a little slow every Spring, mainly because they’ve been missing in the Fall, and they always seem to be breaking in a new QB. But once they click, watch out. I think this is another week of “figuring it out”. COME FROM BEHIND BY 9

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Southside 43, Back That Pass Up 12

Grass Eaters 38, Mighty Drunks 15

Southside 30, Two Tuddies 20

Sausage McMuffins 12, Balls Deep 6

Week 1 cemented Southside’s status as the team to beat in D6. They took Back That Pass Up to the woodshed, before beating the Two Tuddies by double digits as well. That’s one way to make a statement, and I see you. The Grass Eaters welcomed the Mighty Drunks to the league with a loss, and the Sausage McMuffins, who I’ve been told literally have shirts with Sausage McMuffins on them (and that’s fantastic), squeaked by Balls Deep. 

This Week’s Games: 

 

Sausage McMuffins vs Back That Pass Up (EVEN) - Both teams played hard last week, and both teams walked away with scoring 12 points a piece. That tells me we’re going to see a bit of a defensive battle this time around, or maybe it's offensive ineptitude? I think we’ll see a pretty fun back and forth game, but when all is said and done, give me the McMuffins because it’s more fun to say. SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS BY 5

 

Blitzkrieg vs Pit Harade (+10) - If there’s any team that will stand up to Southside, it's going to be Blitzkrieg. It’s the Spring session, and I was so politely reminded that Alex. Is. Back. BK’s biggest issue is always “who’s going to be the QB”, but not when Alex is there. He’s the leader of the offense, and the guy who knows the secret to Blitzkrieg’s success: Throw to Light Red Hoodie Guy. Pit Harade is going to have a hell of a time in their first game against these guys. I don’t know many names on this roster, but they at least have a QB in Nick Hawes, and a nice offensive line in Joe K and Dave Walter. That probably won’t be enough. BLITZKRIEG BY 16

 

Blitzkrieg vs Mighty Drunks (+10) - Blitzkrieg continues to ease into the season with another new team that’s still figuring things out. BK is essentially playing their preseason games now as they stroll to 2-0. BLITZKRIEG BY 10

 

Balls Deep vs Pit Harade (+3) - Balls Deep might have an advantage for not being what seems like a  mostly new team here. Plus, there are Spinelli’s players all over the place in this one. Balls Deep struggled to score last week, but that may have been more due to the weather than anything. BALLS DEEP BY 3

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

 

• Are We Playing Football? That’s the best question yet again this week. I just checked the weather, and it looks like it’s going to rain in Buffalo all day today and tomorrow. I don’t know if the games are going to be canceled or not, and Jeff Krol has proceeded to email the captains yet again to be on standby for any alerts about the cancellation of games. I know they’ll try to get as many in as possible. 

 

 

 

• How was the bar scene last week? It was awesome from what I’ve been told! Many teams across many divisions stuck around and drank outside and inside. The jukebox was rocking and everyone was having a good time. Many new teams were hanging out: Goatsack, Gucci, Wanderers, while the usuals were also there: Come From Behind, everyone who played on the DILFs but they’re on other teams now, etc. Just to name a few. If these rumored bar specials show up soon, it’s only going to get better. 

 

 

 

• How is Breakfast Club looking? It’s looking great. The rosters I was shown are the most even across the board that we’ve had in a long time. There isn’t a stand out team that “should” dominate, and there isn’t a team that you look at and go “oh, they’re probably the worst one”. The girls did a great job drafting, and we may get the most competitive Breakfast Club ever. If you didn’t sign up this season, I’d STRONGLY encourage you to take a chance and do it in the fall. 

 

 

 

• How can I get on the podcast? Where do I listen? If you want your weekly dose of the TSL podcast, you can listen to it either on the website, or on Spotify. However, I’ve been told that very soon you’ll be able to listen to the podcast on a bunch of different mediums, so there’s a good chance your preferred podcast listening method will be on there. If you want to be on to talk about your game, your team, or whatever just ask Jeff Krol, Joe K, Garrett, Travis, Topper if he’s there, or whoever and they’ll get you on. The more people the better. 

 

 

 

• Did you sign a waiver? People who haven’t signed a waiver yet will not be allowed to play on Saturday, so quit monkeying around and get to it! 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

 

• Breakfast Club Predictions: 

• Liddle Dubs 24, Steph Infection 20

• The VaJennas 34, BDSM 25

• The Ash Slinging Slashers 40, Komosexuals 33

 

 

 

• There are a LOT of team names that have to do with Asses, Balls, etc. Let’s get a little more original here people. 

 

 

 

• The Games of the Day: 

• 10:00 - Legends vs Sticky Bandits

• 11:00 - Goatsack vs Long Balls

• 12:00 - Freeballers vs Mavericks

• 1:00 - ILF vs Not So Sticky

• 2:00 - BAADies vs Puckett All-Stars

• 3:00 - Degeneration Sexxy vs Itches and Ohs

 

 

 

• No, I don’t know if we’ll be able to get all of the games played if we get rained out. I know that the lack of an extra field really hinders that. So unless there are games at 8am (yuck) or 4pm (also yuck), or on random Thursday (might be cool?) we may just have some ties coming into play. 

 

 

 

• The schedule for the first week of the playoffs has been released to your captains. There will NOT be any game switching or any shenanigans associated with that. You have nearly two months to figure out how to be there. 

 

 

 

• Captains were also supplied with a handy dandy “what color do the other teams in my division wear?” sheet this week. One of the many improvements since Topper stopped doing as much. If you see you’re playing someone that’s wearing the same color, just have everyone bring a white (or black, or whatever) shirt with them that week. 

 

 

 

• Speaking of Topper, will he actually show up at the fields this week or does he have some important business things to pretend to be at? The world wants to know! 

 

 

 

• Congratulations to the entire league for being in B’s Brother’s presence last weekend. We can only hope to see him expertly scouting the women in the league for his future gender team once again this Saturday. 

 

 

 

• Apparently there were a lot of cans, bottles, and trash scattered throughout the fields last weekend. If you can help it, pick up after yourself. Animals. 

 

 

 

• I’ve just been informed that APPARENTLY if you have any issues with the Power Rankings committee, you’re now supposed to email me about it and I get to email Topper to send them your gripes? This should go well. If you have any issues with that, or if you want to get the correct publicity for your players, OR you have information on the games you played in, take a few minutes and email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.! Sadly, my old email (and my years of correspondence with all of you) will be going away soon. 

 

That's all for this week. Week 2 is upon you, and it looks like you’re going to get wet again. Have fun with that. 

 

-GF OUT

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