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Final Fall 2019 Rankings

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Thursday, 17 October 2019 14:34
Published: Thursday, 17 October 2019 14:34
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 4679

 

TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Final Fall 2019 Rankings

 

Ladies and gentlemen, your final Fall 2019 TSL Quarterback Power Rankings:

 

 

We won’t get into each QB’s performance this week.  We’re just going to make a few observations instead.

 

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Last season it was obvious that our final #1 Ranking would belong to Chris Cole, and this season (although he didn’t go undefeated like Cole) the #1 Ranking pretty clearly belongs to Bobby McConnell.  Eyes Downtown are in 1st place in D1, with the highest points per game.  Score the most points and win the most games in the highest division, and it’s easy to figure out where you belong in the Power Rankings.  Although he was CLEARLY the best, he wasn’t the best by a LOT, as Public Enemy, Tight Ends in Motion and Marketing Mayors all finished with winning records AND were within a few points of Eyes Downtown in PPG.  ED might be the betting favorite in the playoffs, but anyone is capable of winning this division.  No, not Gryffindor, but anyone ELSE.  (Although wouldn’t it be incredible if Gryffindor picked up their first, second and third D1 wins of the season in the playoffs to shock the world???  Can’t wait to see what kind of odds the Godfather gives them).

 

Congrats to Matty Ice for winning this week’s D2 showdown against Topper, stealing back his #4 Ranking in the process.  These were the two BEST teams in D2… and yet strangely Peachy Platoon passed them both to finish 8-2 and seize the first round bye for the Playoffs.  What???  A&A and Hofbrauhaus BOTH beat Peachy Platoon this season (and every other team in D2), but due to some “unique” scheduling, A&A and Hofbrauhaus had to play each other twice, AND they both had to play cross-divisional games against D1 teams (Peachy didn’t), AND Peachy was the only team in the League to get a 10th game.  This perfect storm of, for lack of a better term, “scheduling bullshit” allowed Peachy Platoon to STEAL the #1 seed and first round bye from two DEBATABLY better teams.  Maybe this is karma for the controversial A&A/Peachy game earlier this session?  We’re not sure.  Interesting though that the two teams negatively impacted by this scheduling have Topper and Rameer on their rosters… you’d think they’d be the absolute LAST guys in this League to get fucked by a scheduling quirk, but here we are.

 

Is there a hotter QB in the TSL right now than Tim Zielinski going into the playoffs?  Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers started the season 0-4, but they’re 5-0 since and averaging 50 points a game during that stretch (with two wins over Cunning Stunts!).  Can Travis interview Tim next week?  The world needs to know how Uncle Rico’s turned their season around.

 

The final Top Ten consisted of all five D1 quarterbacks, four D2 quarterbacks and one D3 quarterback.  Feels about right.  The final Top Twenty consisted of all five D1 quarterbacks, five (out of seven) D2 quarterbacks, seven (out of ten) D3 quarterbacks, two (out of four, excluding Matty and Joey) D4 quarterbacks, and one D5 quarterback. 

 

It gets a little cumbersome to show all twenty of these people in a graph, so here’s your Top Ten, their average points per game, and colored by what division they play in:

 

 

We put this out there knowing FULL well that it raises questions (why isn’t Mike McKenrick higher in the Rankings?  Why isn’t Newman lower?) but that’s the fun of Power Rankings – people can look at the same standings and stats, and watch the same games, and come to very different conclusions about who’s “the best”.  Take our word for it, it’s a never a simple question. 

 

***

 

If you think the colors on THAT were annoying, get ready for our end of year Stat rankings!  Just like last season, we’ve tried to break down each division to show which teams had the best offenses (points per game), defenses (points per game allowed) and overall point differential (average +/- per game).  To make it easier to find your team in various columns, we decided to color code everyone based on their “official” team color scheme (if you share the same color as someone else, we might have picked a different color for you… we can only show so many blacks and grays).  This is a visual abomination, we know, but fuck it, we spent a lot of time on coloring this so we’re not changing it back now.  Here you go!

 

Division 1

 

 

The Headline: Four contenders, one Gryffindor.

 

Underrated:  People discuss D1 like it’s a foregone conclusion that one of the “Big Three” will win it, but let’s look at Tight Ends in Motion.  They quietly won their last two games to slip into an unexpected first round bye; they’re less than a point behind Eyes Downtown for the best offense in the division; they’re the best defense in the division by a full touchdown per game; and they have the best point differential in the division by a full touchdown per game.  All four of the “contenders” score about the same number of points per week (between 29 and 33) but apparently only TEIM knows how to play defense.  History and reputation say they can’t beat the teams above them in the standings, but the stats say they should almost be considered the favorites here.

 

Overrated:  It’s no surprise that Gryffindor is dead last in the standings, the offensive rankings (a full TD below the next worst team), the defensive rankings (a full TD below the next worst team) and point differential (two full TDs below the next worst team).  What is a little surprising is that our defending champions are that “next worst team” in every category.  Marketing Mayors won it ALL just a few months ago, but now they’re fourth out of five teams in every category, with a negative point differential.  Okay, they were outscored by only 2 total points this year, but that’s still surprising from the only team that can rightfully call themselves the defending LEAGUE Champs right now.

 

Division 2

 

 

The Headline:  Three contenders, four underdogs looking for an upset, one disqualified/replaced/playoff-ineligible team

 

Underrated:  If we had to pick a true underdog here, we might suggest Dilf’s; they have an average defense, average offense, almost neutral point differential, so not IMPOSSIBLE that they get hot at the right time, especially with Travis and Katie on their roster.  But realistically one of the top three teams in this division is going to win it, so we’re going to pick Peachy Platoon as our most underrated team.  Not underrated in the traditional sense of course (we all know they’re good, and they’re the freaking #1 seed) but their chances of winning the division might be underrated, because their #1 seeding means they should only need to beat ONE of the other great teams in this division, while Hofbrauhaus and A&A will have to beat two. 

 

Damn, we picked #1 Peachy Platoon as our D2 underrated team AND listed their QB as #1 on our Non-QB Impact Players list last week… we give these guys way too much love in this article.

 

Overrated:  Can we really pick a 7-2 team with the #4 Ranked QB in the League as an underdog?  Sure, why not.  A&A has beaten EVERY team in the division this session so we wouldn’t be shocked at all to see them win the D2 crown this session.  But if we look at the numbers (and frankly that’s all this article does) we’ll see they’re a step behind Hofbrauhaus and Peachy on the offensive side, middle of the pack in defensive PPG, and a full two TD’s behind their biggest rivals in average point differential per game.  That’s a pretty steep drop off that suggests we’ll be seeing Peachy vs Hofbrauhaus in the finals, not A&A.  They’re going to need a LOT of BDE from Matty to pull this one off.

 

Division 3

 

 

The Headline:  Most wide open division in the TSL this season

 

Underrated:  There are two teams that stand out in our average point differentials as being the frontrunners of this division: NPI has two losses by a combined 7 points, and AWDIQ has two losses by a combined 4 points… and then a third loss by 13 points to NPI.  So NPI is a clear favorite, and AWDIQ looks to us like the clear #2 (despite being #3 in the standings).  But neither of these teams are really “underrated” because we all know they’re the favorites.  We’ll take End Game as our most underrated team in this division on the strength of their three game winning streak to wrap up the season, including quality wins over #2 seed Frodo Swaggins and #4 seed Jabronies. 

 

Also, Jabronies went 5-3-1 this season but they were 5-2-0 against teams that made the playoffs.  Not sure if “we couldn’t beat teams that didn’t make the playoffs” is a good reason to call a team “underrated”, but hey maybe it gives them an edge if they match up well against the teams that are still remaining.

 

Overrated:  Frodo Swaggins might be the most “overrated” team, and it’s not because they’re not good enough to win it all – as the #2 seed, they’ve clearly won plenty of games this session.  But Frodo seems to lack consistency from week to week, and their +2.56 average point differential suggests that they were probably a little lucky to go 6-3 this season, as they should have finished closer to .500.

 

Division 4

 

 

The Headline:  It’s Matty’s Angels, and then it’s everyone else

 

Underrated:  Two teams stand out here.  Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers are riding a 5 game winning streak and just blasting teams with their unstoppable offense.  Yeah, their defense is garbage, but it doesn’t matter if they keep outscoring everyone.  This team looked like a joke a month into the season, but now the joke’s on everyone that has to play them.

 

The other “underrated” team is Matty’s Angels.  Yes, you already know they’re going to win the division, so how can they be underrated?  We STILL feel they’re not getting enough credit for what they’ve accomplished this season.  Look at the point differentials above.  Four of the six teams in this division are negative, and Cunning Stunts are winning by an average of 3.5 PPG.  Matty’s Angels are winning by 28.11 PPG, more than 24 points better than the next best team.  Their two losses are by a combined four points.  This is, in a word, insane.

 

Overrated:  Remember last session when D5 was essentially a two team race between the gender teams?  That’s not what’s happening this season.  Yes, Cunning Stunts are good, but they’re overrated if people believe they’re in some kind of equal rivalry with the Angels because of how last season ended.  Cunning Stunts CAN beat the Angels this season (they did, just this past week) but the numbers say we shouldn’t bet on it in the playoffs.

 

Division 5

 

 

The Headline:  Over Compensators and En Fuego seem destined for the finals; everyone else, thanks for coming

 

Underrated:  Over Compensators is the #1 offense, #1 point differential, AND the #1 defense if you don’t count the pair of 21-0 forfeit wins En Fuego got from Cobblestone this session… but they’re not underrated.  We’ll pick Hope N Ruin here.  Like Uncle Rico’s, they started the season 0-4, but they’ve gone 4-1 since then, with their four wins each coming by an average of about 14 points.  If anyone has the momentum to pull off an upset, it’s HNR.

 

Overrated:  No one’s REALLY underrated or overrated here, as this is the ONLY division in TSL this session where the point differentials rankings EXACTLY match the standings (look at the chart above) which suggests that teams finished exactly where they should have in the standings.  But if we were forced to choose one “overrated” team we’d say maybe Hung Buffalo.  Their #3 seed implies they have a chance to win this division, and we don’t see it happening.  They’re 5-4 but they lost to Over Compensators by 17 points and En Fuego by 20.  These are the teams you have to beat if you want a shot at the D5 title this season, and Hung Buffalo hasn’t shown that they can hang with either of these teams despite their winning record.

 

Division 6

 

 

The Headline: We have no idea who’s going to win this division

 

Underrated:  TMA finished as the #2 seed, but they’re the best defense in the League (not the division, but the whole damn League) and the best point differential in D6.  Sure, there was a forfeit win over Wild Oak Beard Co at the end of the season, but they held Shattered Dreams, Tater Tots and BiPolar Express to single digit points in those games, so they seem to know what they’re doing defensively.  On the offensive side they WOULD have finished #1 in their division too, but that forfeit win ironically hurt them here, as it “held” them to only a 21-0 win (they’d be 33.5 ppg if we threw out the forfeit entirely). 

 

Overrated:  If we look at defensive points per game, D6 really breaks into three categories, and we think it’ll be easier to spot in the form of a graph:

 

 

The good, the bad, and the Blitzkrieg.  There’s not a WHOLE lot of differentiation on the offensive side, as each team is basically a point ahead or behind someone else.  But defense breaks the division very clearly into “contenders” and “everyone else”.  BiPolar express was third in the division in offensive PPG, but they’re the first of the “bad” defenses, which is going to make it real tough to win three games in a row in the playoffs.  BiPolar Express is our pick for “most overrated D6 team” going into the playoffs.

 

***


These are your FINAL League Leaders for the 2019 Fall Season (excluding We Back, who were truly a special category of awfulness):

 

·         Best Offensive Team – Matty’s Angels, 48.4 PPG

·         Best Offensive Team Non-Gender – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 42.6 PPG

·         Worst Offensive Team – Pink Pteratacos, 11.1 PPG

 

·         Best Defensive Team – TMA, 16.2 PPG

·         Worst Defensive Team – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, 45.6 PPG

 

·         Best Point Differential – Matty’s Angels, +28.1 PPG

·         Best Points Differential Non-Gender – Over Compensators, +21.4 PPG

·         Worst Point Differential – Pink Pteratacos, -17.2 PPG

 

·         Longest Current Win Streak – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, 5

·         Longest Current Losing Streak – Blitzkrieg, 7

 

·         Remaining Undefeated Teams: None

·         Remaining Winless Teams: None

 

Both of our previous “longest winning streak” teams LOST to heated rivals this week, with Eyes Downtown falling to Public Enemy and Over Compensators (the last remaining undefeated team!) falling to En Fuego.  Pink Pteratacos (the last remaining winless team!) broke their share of the longest losing streak in the League with a one point win over Cobblestone, ensuring that every single team in the TSL this season has at least one win and one loss (even Schilling Em Softly picked up a win this week).  The only unfortunate streak from last week to continue on into the playoffs is Blitzkrieg… who have now lost 7 in a row.

 

 

 

***

 

That’s it for this season!  If you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (“less is more” when it comes to coloring charts?  you demand updated Rankings throughout the playoffs?  you still wish we ranked each division separately?), please send complaints to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Week 7

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Wednesday, 09 October 2019 19:53
Published: Wednesday, 09 October 2019 19:53
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 5497

 

 

 

Quick note before we get started – every week we start our article by ranking Quarterbacks, and this week is no different.  But we’ve ALSO done a non-Quarterback ranking at the end of the article this week, which some of you may find interesting/infuriating.  Enjoy!


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The Power Rankings spotlight always shines brightest on D1, where the super heavyweights slug it out for ultimate co-ed touch football supremacy.  We start this article every week by highlighting who’s at the TOP of the Rankings, and through two seasons, that has always been a D1 quarterback (and that’s no different this week of course).  Fair enough.  But with Bobby McConnell #1 and Mark Dalfonso #2 both on byes (yes, I’m ignoring Bobby’s stellar sub work for Matty’s Angels… he’s already #1 in the rankings, we don’t have to talk him up every week), the biggest positional battle in our Top Ten this week is between Matthew Ditullio and Patrick McGovern, aka Matty Ice vs Topper. 

 

Their two “undefeated” D2 teams clashed this week (let’s ignore their inter-division losses to D1 teams for just a moment, we’ll get back to those later), which WOULD have been a showdown worthy of legend, if Matty hadn’t been out of town.  Hofbrauhaus Buffalo took the 64-34 win over A&A in a battle that proves… well, we’re not sure.  A&A apparently can’t win a game without their fearless leader, which either speaks to Matty’s irreplaceable value to his team, or their lack of planning to carry a serviceable backup QB on their roster (or both).  Either way, tricky to say how much meaning we should give to Hofbrauhaus’s win this week.  On the one hand, we try not to subscribe to the whole “punishing you in the Power Rankings for ditching your team” philosophy, so we don’t want to hold Matty’s absence against him.  On the other hand, it seems unfair not to give Topper SOME credit for the win, because it’s still 64 points he scored against A&A’s defense.

 

Ignoring their game against each other for a minute, A&A and Hofbrauhaus Buffalo have each played games against Peachy Platoon, Slytherin That End Zone, Bullet Club, Energy Buff, and We Back this season (back when We Back was STILL We Back).  Hofbrauhaus Buffalo had a slightly tougher cross-divisional schedule this season losing to Public Enemy this week (A&A lost to a slightly weaker Tight Ends in Motion team at the same time), but we’re going to ignore that for the time being, as well as A&A’s win earlier this season against Dilf’s, since Hofbrauhaus Buffalo hasn’t played them yet.  Against five common opponents, both teams went 5-0, with Hofbrauhaus outscoring their opponents 215-61 and A&A outscoring those same opponents 192-127.  Clearly Hofbrauhaus has been the better team with a massive edge in point differential in these games (+154 vs +65) but the offensive numbers really aren’t THAT different, with Hofbrauhaus leading by only 23 points against common opponents.  Still, when we look at it this way, it’s tough to come to any conclusion other than “Topper has been slightly better than Matty so far this season”. 

 

Any argument for keeping Matty ABOVE Topper in the standings essentially boils down to “we should give him extra credit for his dominating performances with Matty’s Angels”.  Is that fair?  Depends how you look at it.  Matty’s Angels is THE highest scoring team in the League by almost a full touchdown, and Matty is the straw that stirs the drink.  How do you ignore that??  We typically don’t, and credit Matty accordingly for his dominance on both teams.  But if we’re not going to punish Matty for not playing against Hofbrauhaus this week, then why would we punish Topper for not playing against D4 teams this season?  Both QBs have the same flawless record against the same opponents, but Topper’s done it a little bit better. 

 

This is all an incredibly long way of saying that Topper #4 moves up one spot this week to his highest Power Rankings position ever.  Matty drops to #5, which the self-proclaimed Fall 2019 TSL MVP won’t like – but the good news for Matty is that he doesn’t have to get used to it.  Up next is the classic we WANTED last week, as Hofbrauhaus Buffalo and A&A play each other again in the D2 #1 vs #2 Ladder Match game… and this time (hopefully) it’ll really be Matty vs Topper, with D2 supremacy on the line.

 

That’s more than enough Topper and Matty coverage.  Here are your Week Seven TSL Quarterback Power Rankings:

 

 

One question we get ALL the time is “how do you compare QBs in different divisions?”  If you’ve read this article at all, you know it’s an issue we struggle with every week, and we’re not always completely consistent with the way we address it.  Generally you’re going to be ranked higher if you’re playing against better competition, which is why the QB of 1-7 Gryffindor is always going to be higher than the QB of 7-2 Zack Attack (does anyone think Joey wouldn’t be undefeated in D6?).  This isn’t always true, as the QB of We Back likely would have struggled against All We Do Is Quinn (everyone struggles against AWDIQ) but as a guideline it makes sense to weight the division you play in.  People will “politely” say to us “but I’m X-X and throwing for XXX points per week, how am I not rated higher???”.  If your standing in the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings means a lot to you, our suggestion is to move up a division next year.  You WILL win fewer games, and feel like less of a badass when you’re not rolling to 30 point wins every week, but there’s no better way to show people what you’re made of than to take on and beat the established QBs on this chart.  Look at Joe Miano, who couldn’t move higher than the 17th ranking last season in D6.  He and his (admittedly improved) Jabronies squad moved up to D3 this season, and although they’re not setting the world on fire (tied for the third in the division, 5-3-1 record, -5 point differential on the season) it absolutely got Joe noticed, and he’s now a regular contender for the Top Ten.

 

If you still think level of competition shouldn’t matter for the Ranking, and that maybe your QB is “just as good” as people in higher divisions, remember this: D1 had five crossover games against D2 teams this session and they won them all, by a combined score of 212-92.  Gryffindor is 0-7 to date against D1, and 1-0 against D2.  As we said earlier, Hofbrauhaus Buffalo and A&A were undefeated against their own division, and both got smoked by D1 teams this week (Chris Cole #3 of Public Enemy, and Mike McKenrick #10 of Tight Ends in Motion respectively).  We’re not saying it’s EASY to move up a division, but at least you can understand why some of these guys are consistently ranked towards the top.

 

***

 

Peachy Platoon beats Schilling Em Softly 39-20 this week, but Dean’s thumb is injured so he didn’t quarterback.  Dean #6 keeps his spot this week.  Slytherin That End Zone also had the week off, so Matt Newman #8 is not moving either.

 

Vince Taverna #7 is lucky to keep his ranking too this week, after dropped a 38-36 game against Frodo Swaggins.  Just when we were all ready to count Scotty Drosendahl #12 out, Frodo comes up with the huge win.  This is a team that scored 70+ points late last season against 3rd & Schlong.  Maybe Scotty saves his best work for the end of the season?  AWDIQ finish at 6-3 and currently hold the #2 seed in Division 3, but if Frodo can finish out next week with one more win against the Sticky Bandits, they’ll jump both Jabronies and Quinn in the standings to steal the #2 seed for themselves.  That’d be pretty good, for a quarterback that was recently described on our own website as “all the makings to be great with his witticism, skill set and can-do attitude but seems to always fall short when the games on the line”.

 

Joey Batts #9 went 1-1 this week for Cunning Stunts, beating Buffalo Solar Solutions 43-42 (who were without Andy Clark #17) and losing a shocker to Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 62-44.  Uncle Rico’s started the season on our “worst point differentials, worst defense” etc lists, but they’ve clawed their way back to respectability lately by winning their last three games by a combined 152-97.  Sure, their defense is still abysmal (DEAD last in the League at 45 ppg against) but Tim Zielinski #20 has the offense rolling (11th best in the League at 34 ppg) and has earned his way into our TSL QB Power Rankings Top Twenty.  Uncle Rico’s plays Buffalo Solar Solutions this week, which could cause Tim and Andy to flip spots if Rico’s can keep the magic going.

 

No Punt Intended finish the season 7-2 with a 42-35 win over Ultimate Warriors, and they’ve locked up the #1 seed in D3.  We wish we could reward Kyle Conniff #11 in the Power Rankings, but with Mike McKenrick guiding TEIM past A&A this week, there’s really no path for promotion here.  Kind of ironic, since Kyle plays on TEIM as well – maybe he can drop a few passes next week to make Tight Ends lose to Marketing Mayors?  That WOULD open up a spot for him in the Top Ten…  

 

Joe Miano #13 drops a spot as the Jabronies beat Vaspian 34-18 (who themselves had just beaten Ultimate Warriors 28-22) and then immediately drop one to End Game by a score of 25-7. Lots to unpack here in this D3 Power Rankings knot.  The Jabronies have had incredible shootouts this year, but they’ve also lost two games with scores in the single digits.  Which team is going to show up for playoffs?  Doesn’t seem fair that Joe gets punished one spot in the Rankings this week for going 1-1, but we’ve rewarded the Vaspian quarterback they just BEAT (he moves up one spot this week) for going 1-1 as well.  Lucas Kramer #19 is really benefiting from Scott Pinto #21 dropping out of the Top Twenty (great offense, but you have to win some games!) and Joe is unfortunately being punished because Scotty beat AWDIQ… that’s just the way it goes sometimes, as you’re competing with the people right around you in the Power Rankings.  David Eickhoff #16 moves up two spots this week with his win over Jabronies.  End Game struggled at times this season, but they’ve beaten two good teams in the last two weeks (Frodo being last week’s victim) and they’re poised to make a playoff run if they can keep it going.  We really wish D3 teams didn’t play so many doubleheaders, as these paragraphs aren’t fun to write.

 

Scott Keller Sr #14 drops one ranking this week due to his bye week combined with the Frodo win.  Ricky Austin #18 rises one ranking this week due to his bye week combined with the Ultimate Warriors loss.  Larry Chruscial #15 had a bye week and kept his ranking from last week.  And there’s your Top Twenty.

 

***


Here are a few quick hits on your TSL team leaders after six weeks (excluding We Back):

 

·         Best Offensive Team (total points) – Matty’s Angels, 419

·         Best Offensive Team Non-Gender (total points) – All We Do Is Quinn, 370

·         Best Offensive Team (points per game) – Matty’s Angels, 52.4

·         Best Offensive Team Non-Gender (points per game) – Over Compensators, 46.4

 

·         Worst Offensive Team (total points) – Pink Pteratacos, 85

·         Worst Offensive Team (points per game) – Pink Pteratacos, 14.2

 

·         Best Defensive Team (total points against) – En Fuego, 127

·         Best Defensive Team (points against per game) – En Fuego, 15.9

 

·         Worst Defensive Team (total points against) – Ultimate Warriors, 347

·         Worst Defensive Team (points against per game) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, 45

 

·         Best Point Differential (total points) – Matty’s Angels, +254

·         Best Points Differential Non-Gender (total points) – Over Compensators, +180

·         Best Point Differential (points per game) – Matty’s Angels, +31.8

·         Best Point Differential Non-Gender (points per game) – Over Compensators, +25.7

 

·         Worst Point Differential (total points) – Blitzkrieg, -130

·         Worst Point Differential (points per game) – Pink Pteratacos, -19.0

 

·         Longest Current Win Streak – TIE: Eyes Downtown, Over Compensators, 7

·         Longest Current Losing Streak – TIE: Pink Pteratacos, Blitzkrieg, 6

 

·         Remaining Undefeated Teams: Over Compensators

·         Remaining Winless Teams: Pink Pteratacos

 

Neither of our “longest win streak” teams played this week, so no change there.  Blitzkrieg “caught up” to Pink Pteratacos (who were also on a bye) for a share of the League’s longest losing streak.

 

There’s a bit of bullshit in the table above for En Fuego seizing the “best defense in the League” title this week, as they benefited from not one but two forfeits over Cobblestone, which are recorded as 21-0 wins in the standings.  Without those forfeit wins, their PPG would rise from 15.9 to 21.2, which would make them only the 9th best defense in the League (pAssless Chaps would take over the title of best defense at 17.9 ppg if we made that adjustment).  Still a great job by En Fuego, and certainly not their fault that Cobblestone couldn’t make the games, but take that stat with a grain of salt.

 

Two of our three undefeated teams lost this week, so Over Compensators is the last team standing with a shot at a perfect season.  We Back was pulled from the stats above, and Shattered Dreams finally won their first game of the season, so our last winless team this season is Pink Pteratacos. (Schilling Em Softly hasn’t won either, but they’re an 0-2 replacement team… they barely count.)

 

***

 

And now for something a little different.  Every week we analyze the best Quarterbacks in the TSL (that IS the premise of our article) but we largely neglect the rest of you who aren’t gifted enough to sling a football down the field.  For the first time ever, we’re going to try to recognize some of those people now.

 

The list below represents the Top 21 Impact Players of the TSL.  What does that mean?  These aren’t necessarily the 21 BEST players in the League (which might just be the rosters of Public Enemy, Marketing Mayors and Eyes Downtown) but these are players who make a huge difference to their teams when they’re present.  Think of it as “your team has a 50% greater chance of winning the game if THIS person shows up” (ie Lebron’s entire career in Cleveland).  This isn’t EXACTLY the same as an MVP debate, because we’ve specifically excluded Quarterbacks, but it’s similar in principle.  There’s certainly no offense intended if you weren’t recognized on this list, as there are a LOT of great and valuable players that we’re sure we’re neglecting, but these were the 21 names that stood out to us.

 

Like our Quarterback Rankings, feel free to rip us apart and tell us what a terrible job we’ve done:

 

 

Ironic that our #1 player on our Non-Quarterback List is a quarterback, right?  Dean’s contributions go way beyond QB though, as he’s the leader and best athlete/defender on Peachy Platoon in addition to being the Quarterback, so we didn’t want to slight him by leaving him off.  Similar story for Kyle Conniff, who QBs for NPI but is also just a leader on and off the field for that team. 

 

We’re not going to get into a full write-up for each of these players and why they’re great… we’re just going to leave this out here so you can get angry that you weren’t on the list.

 

***

 

That’s it for this week!  If you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (you hate that we didn’t use Gronk’s actual name?  there’s no way a TSL Impact Players List should exist without your buddy Steve?  your last name is Ditullio and you hate seeing Topper surge past you in the QB Rankings?), please send complaints to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Week 5

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Friday, 27 September 2019 10:21
Published: Friday, 27 September 2019 10:21
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 5679

 

TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Week 5

 

“This is easily the worst written article the league has to offer.  It may be best to just shut it down”

 

“I thought the Joey Batts podcast was the worst thing on this site but this article just topped that”

 

“This article is an absolute outrage… blasphemy”

 

“It’s just baffling, this article couldn’t be more off”

 

“Top Ten is Blasphemy”

 

It’s glowing reviews like these that make it all worthwhile, folks…

 

Welcome back to another “critically acclaimed” edition of your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  Your headline for this week: there’s a new king of the mountain.  Chris Cole held our top spot for ten weeks, including all of last season and the first two weeks of Fall 2019.  Mark Dalfonso, defending D1 champion, then took over the top spot for two weeks.  And now we have our third #1 Quarterback in the season-and-a-half history of the TSL QB Power Rankings: Bobby McConnell.  Long may he reign.

 

 

 

 

Truth be told, it was an easy decision to shoot Bobby McConnell #1 up to the top of the Power Rankings this week.  His resume:

·         Best record in the highest division at 6-1.

·         Highest points per game in the highest division (33.7 ppg)

·         Longest active winning streak in the League

·         35-0 win in this week’s game against Gryffindor

 

There’s really no argument against that, so congrats Bobby.  Your prize?  A date with Mark Dalfonso #2, the only D1 quarterback you haven’t beaten yet this season.  Marketing Mayors of course beat Eyes Downtown 42-16 in their first matchup way back in Week One.  If Bobby wins this week, Eyes Downtown will open up a two game lead over the rest of D1, virtually assuring him a decent stay at the #1 ranking.  If Marketing Mayors wins, both teams will be tied for first place in the standings, with Mark holding a 2-0 head-to-head against Bobby this season… and if Mark wins by 12 or more, he’ll even steal the “highest points per game in D1” title from Bobby.  HUGE Power Rankings ramifications… can’t wait to see what happens here.  [Irrelevant side note: in writing that last paragraph, we realized that you can’t spell “Marketing Mayors” without “Mark”]

 

Two of our glowing reviews above referenced the “blasphemy” of this article, and we’re starting to think they’re right.  Chris Cole #3???  The certifiable TSL legend hits an all-time low this week with a loss in his third week in a row.  This from a guy who once won twenty games in a row!  Public Enemy is also only 4th in their 5 team division in points per game… How the mighty have fallen indeed.  Of course it’s not fair just to mention his 35-28 loss to Marketing Mayors, as Public Enemy also picked up a 31-22 win over Tight Ends in Motion.  It was a strange week for parity in D1, as Public Enemy, Marketing Mayors and TEIM all went 1-1 against each other in double headers.  This only hurt Chris and Mark, but it actually helped propel Mike McKenrick #10 to his first appearance in our Top Ten.  Tight Ends in Motion didn’t put up a lot of points this week, beating Marketing Mayors 14-13 and losing the aforementioned game to Public Enemy, but they’re now 3-3 in D1 and Mike deserves some recognition for their start… even if two of those wins did come against Gryffindor.

 

No games for A&A this week, but Matty Ice #4 had an up and down week on Matty’s Angels.  Let’s start with the good: the Angels avenged their Spring Championship game loss against Cunning Stunts with a convincing 35-17 win, re-asserting their claim as the most dominant gender team in the TSL.  Unfortunately for fans of girl power everywhere, there’s also the bad: Matty’s Angels lost a 46-43 game against Buffalo Solar Solutions in their first loss to a non-gender team since… wow, we don’t even know.  The Angels went undefeated last year until the Championship game against the Stunts, and they’d won their first three games this session.  Our records only go back so far – have Matty’s Angels EVER lost to a standard co-ed team before?  Write us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. if you know if and when this last happened!  Your season to date Matty stats: 9-1 record and 43.8 ppg, leading the 2nd and 7th best offenses in the League.

 

Three of our next four ranked Quarterbacks had byes this week so not much to say there – Vince Taverna #6 played in a 44-18 annihilation of Vaspian (don’t worry Lucas #18; everyone loses to these guys) but Dean Thompson #5, Topper #7 and Matt Newman #8 all had the week off and got to keep their spots.  Newman actually went UP in the rankings in his week off – a rare achievement made possible only by the continued fall of Joey Batts #9.  A 35-0 Gryffindor shutout at the hands of Eyes Downtown AND a failed effort in the Cunning Stunts vs Matty’s Angels grudge match?  Really?  17 points across two games does not feel the like Joey Batts we know and love tolerate.  Maybe his podcasting ambitions are interfering with his performance on the field… or maybe he’s just digging himself a bigger hole to make his second straight double championship season all the more dramatic.  Classic Batts.  Either way, one streak continues (Gryffindor STILL has not beaten a D1 team this session) and another comes screeching to a halt (Cunning Stunts HAD the longest active win streak in the League).

 

We warned you, Larry Chruscial #12.  Playing in D5 you were always at risk of falling out of the Top Ten if a higher division quarterback had a big week, and unfortunately Mike from TEIM and Joe Miano #11 of Jabronies got some big wins while you were on a bye.  We’ve talked about Mike already, but how about Joe Miano with the double win this week?  The Godfather had ranked Sticky Bandits and Frodo Swaggins as having the second and third best odds to win D3, and Joe beat them both in back to back games.  The Jabronies are now second place in D3 with their only loss to first place All We Do Is Quinn, and Joe Miano is proving that he’s more than talented enough to justify the jump up from D6. 

 

Speaking of talent, there’s maybe nobody more talented in D3 right now than Scott Drosendahl #13 of Frodo Swaggins, but something’s not quite coming together for their team this session.  Frodo has a 3-2 record, but they’re 7th in the division in points per game and frankly we’re surprised they’re not doing better with all the weapons they have (Garrett Beesing: “best hands in the G-D League, hands down”).  This is a smart team full of great athletes and we’re betting that Scotty’s still the man no one wants to line up against come playoff time.  He falls one spot in the Rankings this week, and debate raged on the Power Rankings Committee as to whether he should be demoted even more for his off-field failings (we won’t recap it here, but read this week’s Rant if you want to hear about our next great TSL tragic romance).  Ultimately we decided Scotty’s game was more important than his “game”, so no Power Rankings punishment was needed.

 

Joe Miano wasn’t the only D3 quarterback winning doubleheaders this week, as Kyle Conniff #14 and No Punt Intended take down End Game 44-30 and Puckett All-Stars 33-21.  Not exactly the hottest opponents in the division right now (Dave Eickhoff #19 was once a Top Ten QB, and is now on the verge of falling out of the Top Twenty), but a 4-2 record puts NPI in third place in D3 this week, and it all starts with Kyle. 

 

They may not be leading the division (or even in the top half of their division) but 3rd & Schlong won AGAIN this week, beating Ultimate Warriors 41-32.  Two weeks ago 3&S had the longest losing streak in the League, and now they’re riding a two game winning streak.  Good for Scott Keller #15 rebounding from a tough start.  Yeah, Ultimate Warriors are still struggling in the standings (1-3-1) but don’t blame Scott Pinto #16 and Sam Lattuca #20 – the Warriors are currently second in D3 in points per game.  If these guys ever learned how to play defense, they’d be real contenders…

 

We mentioned the big Buffalo Solar Solutions win over Matty’s Angels earlier, but these guys ALSO beat Mountain Dew Me 29-23 this week to bring their record up to 3-2.  Andy Clark #17 started the season slowly (can it REALLY be true that he threw picks on his first three passes of the season???) but he’s upped his game lately and has BSS poised to contend in what was once thought to be a two-gender-team race for the D4 title. 

 

***

 

Does it ever feel like it’s the same people in the Top Ten almost every week?  We get that, and understand that people would love to see more movement in the Rankings to give newer players their opportunity to shine.  Only problem is, these people are the best for a REASON, and until someone else comes along to knock them from their pedestal, we’re going to continue to showcase the BEST of the BEST each week.  What good is a Power Rankings if it features only the “flavor of the week” instead of the most dominant Quarterbacks in the League?

 

We did think it would be interesting to look at player movement in the Top Ten though, so we did what we always do when we’re curious – made a graph:

 

 

Looks like we’ve had four tiers this season:

·         Tier 1 - Bobby/Mark/Chris/Matty swapping places in the Top 4

·         Tier 2 - Dean and Vince, who have literally not moved once all season and sit at 5 and 6 respectively (Dean’s probably wondering why he doesn’t get to be in a Tier of his own over Vince, but screw it, we’re lumping you guys in together here)

·         Tier 3 - The Topper/Newman/Batts tier, who have owned the 7-8-9 rankings all season

·         Tier 4 - The best of the rest, with Joe, Larry and Mike taking turns with the 10th spot

 

We REALLY wanted to make a line graph going back to Week One of LAST season, but that got ugly pretty fast so we abandoned it.  Instead, here’s a simple chart of how many times each quarterback in our League has ranked in the Top Ten through the past thirteen weeks (all of Spring Session and all of Fall Session through five weeks):

 

 

19 different Quarterbacks have cracked our Top Ten so far through a season and a half, with only Cole, Dalfonso, Matty Ice and Joey Batts making it in EVERY week.  Some day, Blase, some day.

 

***


Here are a few quick hits on your TSL team leaders after five weeks:

 

·         Best Offensive Team (total points) – All We Do Is Quinn, 308

·         Best Offensive Team (points per game) – Over Compensators, 49.5

 

·         Worst Offensive Team (total points) – We Back, 48

·         Worst Offensive Team (points per game) – We Back, 8

 

·         Best Defensive Team (total points against) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 40

·         Best Defensive Team (points against per game) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 10

 

·         Worst Defensive Team (total points against) – Gryffindor, 304

·         Worst Defensive Team (points against per game) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, 47.8

 

·         Best Point Differential (total points) – Over Compensators, +166

·         Best Point Differential (points per game) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, +32.8

 

·         Worst Point Differential (total points) – We Back, -217

·         Worst Point Differential (points per game) – We Back, -36.2

 

·         Longest Current Win Streak – TIE: Eyes Downtown, Over Compensators, 6

·         Longest Current Losing Streak – We Back, 6

 

·         Remaining Undefeated Teams: A&A, Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, Over Compensators

·         Remaining Winless Teams: We Back, Pink Pteratacos, Shattered Dreams

 

We Back is “winning” a number of the undesirable statistical categories above, some of which were hurt by a 21-0 forfeit this week, while ironically others were helped by it (a 21 point loss was actually GOOD for their average point differential, since they usually lose by way more).

 

Both the longest active win streak in the League (Cunning Stunts) and longest active losing streak (Hope N Ruin) were snapped this week, so we have new leaders at both categories. 

 

There were six undefeated teams coming into this week, and now with losses by all three gender teams, there are only three.  There were seven winless teams coming into this week, and now with wins by Energy Buff (forfeit wins still count!), Puckett All-Stars, Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, and Hope N Ruin, there are only three.

 

***

 

In the past two weeks we’ve shared some charts with the top offenses and top defenses in the League – this week we’re going to take a look at average point differentials (+/-) to see who are the most dominant (and most dominated) teams in the League:

 

 

Only four teams are winning by an average of more than twenty points per game and only four teams are losing by an average of more than twenty points a game.  Both the good and bad categories above have almost a full touchdown drop-off between the 4th and 5th teams, strangely.

 

And the same as above, but for each division:

 

 

***

 

That’s it for this week!  If you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (not enough Scotty/LRG coverage?  line graphs give you a headache?  quality of writing is SIGNIFICANTLY worse than the Sentinel?), please send complaints to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Week 6

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Wednesday, 02 October 2019 13:01
Published: Wednesday, 02 October 2019 13:01
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 13735

 


"Power Rankings man/bear/pig guy provides us with the controversial hot takes that makes each season so special.  Does everyone agree? No.  Should he care? No.  Calls a spade a spade.  You either put up or shut up cause the numbers don't lie. Big facts" – Anonymous testimonial

 

Welcome back for Week Six of the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings (Fall 2019 Edition).  If you’re pressed for time this week and just looking for a quick summary, here is our entire article condensed into the form of a Haiku:

 

Top Ten mostly same,

Topper leap frogs Dean and Vince,

Next ten are madness

 

 

 

 

Bobby McConnell #1 and Eyes Downtown win their most important game of the season (so far) beating Marketing Mayors 37-29.  Sorry to BORE you, but that’s going to make the #1 ranking very predictable this week, and probably the rest of the season too.  Let’s recap (as we plagiarize ourselves from last week’s article):

·         Best record in the highest division, now 7-1

·         Highest points per game in the highest division (34.1 ppg)

·         Longest active winning streak in the League (tied with Over Compensators, sure)

·         Has now beaten every team in D1 at least once this season (though not every QB, as Mark Dalfonso #2 was not present for the game)

 

Good luck topping that.

 

We expected Matty Ice #4 to take care of business with A&A, who beat Dilfs 45-15 this week.  We expected him to take care of business with Matty’s Angels, who absolutely crushed Full Throttle 66-22.  We did NOT expect Matty to literally join a third team mid-season and nearly beat Slytherin That End Zone in their first game.  More on the We Back/Schilling Em Softly saga later in this article, but Matty’s apparently back on three teams (though will not be quarterbacking for S.E.S. going forward) and continuing to put up laughable numbers: he’s now 11-1 this season with 549 points scored for his two primary teams (plus various other points scored while subbing for others).  Amazing.  Despite what Matty thinks though, his 111 points this week for A&A and Matty’s Angels are NOT a League record for two games in a single week, as that “record” is at least 115 points, shared by… Matty Ice, from Week Three of Spring 2019 when he put up 115 against Hope N Ruin and Pink Pteratacos, and… Matty Ice, from Week Two of Spring 2019 when he put up 115 against Home Tech and EmC HammerTime.  At least, that’s the record as far as we can tell (our records only go back to last session, so take all our nonsense with a grain of salt).  If you’re wondering what the “record” is for three games in a day, Matty ALSO put up 54 points against Five Star Generals in Week Two of last season, so that would be 169 points across three games.  115 is a record that might someday fall (Larry Chruscial had 108 just two weeks ago, and Matty might have beaten it himself had the Angels game not been called early) but 169 should be safe for a long long time.

 

The only story more incredible than Matty’s triple dominance might be the unexpected rise of Uncle Topper.  We dismissed it as a fluke when Hofbrauhaus Buffalo started the season with a few dominant wins.  We said just about anyone could win behind that defense.  We said they hadn’t played anyone good yet, or that the teams they’d played were missing key athletes.  We said once they had to face the real superpowers of D2 (A&A and Peachy Platoon… you knew who we were talking about), they’d come crashing down to Earth.  And yet here we are in the early days of October, and Patrick McGovern #5 is still undefeated after his first signature win of the season, handing Dean Thompson #6 his first “real” loss in D2 while locking up his highest ranking in the history of the this article.  Hofbrauhaus Buffalo dominated their much younger opponents, with Topper scoring the first 38ish points of the game.  The first 7 were a pick six (plus extra point) he threw to Peachy Platoon, but the next 31 were all for Hofbrauhaus, and the League icon somehow remains undefeated.  Is Topper going to pull a Peyton Manning and somehow drag his elderly, broken body to a Championship and then retire on top?  Time will tell, and next week’s game against A&A will allegedly be without Matty Ice… if Hofbrauhaus wins, does Topper have a legitimate claim to pass an absentee Matty in the Rankings?

 

Speaking of upsets (that even our Godfather didn’t see coming!) how about No Punt Intended beating All We Do Is Quinn 39-26?  Vince Taverna #7 has been so dominant this season that we almost forgot he was capable of losing games, but Kyle Conniff #11 and NPI put the pressure on early, jumping to a big lead and never letting up.  NPI and AWDIQ are the only two teams with strong point differentials in D3 (there’s a graph of this below of course), so if this was a preview of the D3 championship game, it’s not a very encouraging outcome for the Quinners.  No Punt Intended then finished their day with a 43-13 massacre of the Sticky Bandits, which puts the team in first place in D3, and Kyle on the verge of his first Top Ten appearance in the Power Rankings. 

 

Matt Newman #8 had another strong day at the office, scoring 77 points between a 36-31 win over Schilling Em Softly and a 45-41 loss to Energy Buff.  Slytherin and Dilfs are stuck in that second tier of D2 – unable to beat the Power Three in the division, but a step above their struggling division rivals at the bottom of the standings.  Newman is good, but is he good enough to be taken seriously as a contender in the playoffs?  We’re not sure yet.

 

Three athletes in our Top Ten (Chris Cole #3, Joey Batts #9 and Mike McKenrick #10) had byes and maintain their spots in the Power Rankings this week.  Other than Topper jumping past Dean and Vince, there isn’t any other movement in the Top Ten this week.  The madness begins in the #11-#20 spots, where every single Quarterback either went up or down in the Rankings this week.

 

Joe Miano #12 falls one spot this week and Scott Keller #13 rises two, as a result of 3rd & Schlong’s surprising 41-8 destruction of Jabronies this week.  We knew this had potential to be an upset, but no one on the Power Rankings Committee predicted that Schlong would run away with this game.  Schlong continues to rise and gets harder and harder to beat (“schlong” jokes are easy); after setting the League’s longest losing streak, they’re now on a three game tear (two of which are against teams with winning records) and Katie Keller’s not the ONLY reason why this team has the second highest points per game in D3.

 

Frodo Swaggins continues to flash their incredible potential and then fall just short of realizing it, with a 43-26 win over Ultimate Warriors (who had also lost 41-28 earlier in the day to Puckett All-Stars) and a 38-36 loss to End Game.  Lots to unpack there, as four of our Top Twenty quarterbacks were covered in that sentence.  Scotty “The Moose” Dro #14 drops in our Power Rankings, not JUST because of his failed called shot on this week’s double header, and not JUST because of Frodo’s recent mediocrity on the field (both of which have gotten him some scathing reviews from the League website articles these past couple weeks), but also because old man Keller is flat out killing it and deserves to move up.  Scott Pinto #17 of UW drops one spot and his teammate Sam Lattuca #22 drops out of the Top Twenty altogether.  Ultimate Warriors play competitive games and they can never be considered an easy win, but at some point they have to get some W’s to earn respect in D3.  David Eickhoff #18 and End Game bust out of their recent slump with a quality win over Frodo, moving Dave up a spot. 

 

Larry Chruscial #15 falls three rankings, and all he did was beat Practice Squad 28-14.  There’s no Power Rankings justice in this world, we agree.  You could argue he should be higher for being one of two undefeated teams AND leading the League in points per game (Matty’s Angels excluded).  Or you could argue he should be lower in the Rankings because he’s the only D5 quarterback in the Top Twenty, and one of only two that plays exclusively below D3.  You’re free to disagree with us, but we think we have him ranked just right.  Larry’s only path back to the Top Ten is dominant, borderline unsportsmanlike wins.  Good luck!

 

Andy Clark #16 is our only other Top Twenty quarterback playing exclusively below D3, and he has Buffalo Solar Solutions heating up in D4.  This week Andy beat Mountain Dew Me 45-20, which is good enough to rise one spot in our Power Rankings.  D4 remains a three team division, and it’s difficult for us to imagine Full Throttle, Mountain Dew Me or Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers playing in the finals later this month.

 

Ricky Austin #19 makes his return to the Power Rankings this week, with wins for AND against Energy Buff – it’s not often a player gets to pull that off in a single week.  “Good Ricky” first led Bullet Club to a 25-22 win over Energy Buff, and then an hour later (perhaps feeling guilty for the sadness he inflicted on them) subbed for Energy Buff to lead them to a thrilling 45-41 comeback against Slytherin That End Zone.  Ricky’s almost certainly underrated at the #19 spot based on talent alone, but Bullet Club has had enough QB inconsistency this session that we haven’t been able to rank him at all until now.

 

Vaspian’s inaugural season hit a setback this week as they got crushed 44-18 by the Sticky Bandits.  Lucas Kramer #20 drops two ranks but hangs on to our final spot in the Top Twenty.  Seven of the quarterbacks knotted up in the #11-#20 spots of our Power Rankings play in D3, which may be the most competitive from division top to bottom.  The first place team in the D3 standings right now is No Punt Intended, who have lost to Jabronies, who have lost to 3rd & Schlong, who have lost to Sticky Bandits, who have lost to Ultimate Warriors, who have lost to Puckett All-Stars, who have lost to Frodo Swaggins, who have lost to End Game, who have to lost to Vaspian, who have lost to All We Do Is Quinn, who have lost to… No Punt Intended.  Any team can beat any other team in this division, so these Power Rankings are splitting hairs here. 

 

We have been asked SO many times over the last few months why we can’t just rank two players as tied when they’re THAT close in performance (ie Cole and Dalfonso early in the season, and much of D3 today).  Our answer: ties are weak, and they are a cop-out.  Power Rankings are supposed to establish who is better than whom, and even though this can be REALLY hard sometimes, we vow that we will never cheat you by calling a tie between two or more players in our Rankings.

 

***


Here are a few quick hits on your TSL team leaders after six weeks:

 

·         Best Offensive Team (total points) – All We Do Is Quinn, 334

·         Best Offensive Team (points per game) – Matty’s Angels, 52

·         Best Offensive Team Non-Gender (points per game) – Over Compensators, 46.4

 

·         Worst Offensive Team (total points) – Shattered Dreams, 76

·         Worst Offensive Team (points per game) – Pink Pteratacos, 14.2*

 

·         Best Defensive Team (total points against) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 61

·         Best Defensive Team (points against per game) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 12.2

 

·         Worst Defensive Team (total points against) – Gryffindor, 304

·         Worst Defensive Team (points against per game) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, 47.8

 

·         Best Point Differential (total points) – Over Compensators, +180

·         Best Point Differential (points per game) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, +30.8

 

·         Worst Point Differential (total points) – Shattered Dreams, -126*

·         Worst Point Differential (points per game) – Shattered Dreams, -25.2*

 

·         Longest Current Win Streak – TIE: Eyes Downtown, Over Compensators, 7

·         Longest Current Losing Streak – Pink Pteratacos, 6*

 

·         Remaining Undefeated Teams: A&A, Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, Over Compensators

·         Remaining Winless Teams: We Back, Pink Pteratacos, Shattered Dreams

 

You see all those asterisks above?  Yeah, we need to talk about We Back.  Apparently their team has entirely dissolved mid-season and been replaced by Schilling Em Softly, the reigning Breakfast Club Champions.  This is crazy/awesome on many levels, and it wreaks havoc on our stat keeping.  We Back was leading MANY of those categories above (none that they’d want to, of course) but it doesn’t make much sense to continue to list them among League leaders.  Instead, we’re retiring them from the stats view above, and for the sake of stat tracking, straight up replacing them with Schilling Em Softly, an 0-1 team with 31 points for and 36 points against.  Their records will be kept separate as much as possible when we should charts and stats.  How does this work if Schilling Em Softly and A&A end up playing each other in the playoffs, since Matty plays on (but apparently won’t be quarterbacking) both teams?  We have no idea, but the QB Power Rankings aren’t the place to debate that – we’ll stick with what we’re “good” at and leave those decisions to League management.

 

Eyes Downtown and Over Compensators both won this week, keeping our League’s longest win streaks intact.  Pink Pteratacos is now recognized as the longest losing streak in the League, which they might argue is unfair since We Back/Schilling Em Softly are a combined 0-7 this season, but life’s not fair and neither are we in the Power Rankings Committee.

 

All three undefeated teams won this week.  All three winless teams lost this week.  Barring a tie, we’re guaranteed to have at least ONE change next week, as A&A and Hofbrauhaus Buffalo can’t both stay undefeated playing against each other.

 

***

 

No charts for you this week.  What?  We’re not contractually obligated to make charts.

 

Here’s a graph of each team’s point differentials per game instead.  Yes, it’s the same concept as last week, but now it’s in graph form (so you can see visually how terrible your team really is) and updated with one more week’s data.  Look, it’s tough to come up with different charts every week, this is the best we’ve got:

 

 

If you’re reading this on your phone and the font is too tiny to make out your team’s name, just assume you’re the worst one in your division.

 

***

 

That’s it for this week!  If you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (“records” that go back only a season and a half are pointless?  you miss the line graph from last week?  you play on Pink Pteratacos and you demand the We Back/Schilling Em Softly losing streak be officially recognized?), please send complaints to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

TSL Quarterback Power Rankings - Week 4

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Tuesday, 17 September 2019 18:41
Published: Tuesday, 17 September 2019 18:41
Written by Super User
Hits: 5127

TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Week 4

 

Four weeks into the season, and it’s absolute chaos at the top of the Power Rankings.  The top three Division 1 QBs have traded wins against each other in recent weeks, and League icon Matty Ice remains undefeated atop two different divisions.  How do you put any of these legends anywhere BUT #1 at this point??  There is no fair way to rank our top passers right now, but hey, that’s why Topper pays us a six figure salary to figure these things out.

 

Last week we walked through the Pros/Cons argument for each of the viable contenders for the #10 spot, so this week we’re going to start by doing the same for our four contenders for the #1 spot.

 

Mark Dalfonso

Pros: Highest points per game in D1, defending D1 champions.  What more do we have to say?  That’s a pretty good resume. 

Cons: Lost decisively to Public Enemy and former #1 Chris Cole this week by a score of 35-14

 

Chris Cole

Pros: To be the man, you’ve gotta beat the man, and if Dalfonso was the #1 ranking last week, what does that say about the guy who just beat him?

Cons: Public Enemy was on top of the world for about two hours, before losing to Eyes Downtown by a score of 34-27.  The team that was once 20-0 (then 22-1) is now just 1-2 in its last three games, with two losses to Eyes Downtown.  Public Enemy is now 4th in their division in points per game.

 

Bobby McConnell

Pros: Best record in D1, less than one point away from Marketing Mayors as the highest PPG in the division, two straight wins over Public Enemy in consecutive weeks.

Cons: They may have Public Enemy’s number, but they got wrecked by Marketing Mayors in Week 1.  How can you justify McConnell being higher than Dalfonso when he has a head-to-head loss, fewer PPG, and the same number of losses?

 

Matty Ice

Pros: 8-0 for his two teams this session, including the 1st and 9th highest scoring offenses in the League (for reference, Marketing Mayors is 15th, Eyes Downtown is 18th and Public Enemy is 31st).  Three wins this week, scoring between 41 and 44 points in each.

Cons: Again… to be the man, you’ve gotta beat the man, and the only knock on Matty is that he’s not beating any of these other guys by playing in D2.  We think Matty can hang with the heavyweights, but until he moves up to D1 to prove it (next session?) it’s absolutely working against him.

 

Mark has beaten Bobby, who has beaten Chris, who has beaten Mark… and Matty hasn’t beaten or lost to any of them… so head to head record doesn’t help us here.  If we went solely on stats, it’d be Dalfonso.  If we went solely on record this season, it’d be McConnell.  If we took into account a longer recent history dating back to last season, it’d be Cole.  And if we ignored divisional differences and let his D2/D4 work speak for itself, it’d be Matty.

 

So what did we decide?  Let’s take a look.

 


 

Don’t like it?  Feel free to complain, like everyone else.

 

***

 

Dean Thompson #5 of Peachy Platoon rolls to easy wins over Energy Buff and We Back (or whatever subs they slapped together this week to pass for a team) by a combined score of 91-12.  Booooriiiing.  Bring on Hofbrauhaus Buffalo. Bring on the A&A rematch. These are the D2 battles we want to see.

 

Vince Taverna #6 keeps his spot with bye this week – well deserved rest for an All We Do Is Quinn team that started the season with three doubleheaders.

 

We were convinced that Topper’s stay in the Top Ten would be a short lived fluke, but here he is four weeks into the season, and actually rising in the Power Rankings with a Hofbrauhaus Buffalo win over Matt Newman #9 and Slytherin That End Zone by a score of 36-18.  This was Topper’s first game this season against an upper tier D2 team, and although they gave up nearly as many points against Newman as they did in their first three games combined, actually trailing by a couple points at halftime, the Hofbrauhausers got their act together in the second half to pull away.  Topper #7 moves up in the standings.  Unreal.

 

Joey Batts #8 gets wrecked by Tight Ends in Motion 40-15, costing him a spot in the Power Rankings.  Gryffindor has been outscored by TEIM 75-15 in two games this season... yikes.  Fun fact: if it weren’t for Gryffindor’s cross divisional game against D2 Dilf’s, Joey Batts would own both the longest winning streak in the League (with Cunning Stunts) AND the longest losing streak (with Gryffindor).

 

The battle for the final spot in our Top Ten was a little less intense this week, as we had only two viable candidates we considered.  Mike Mckenrick #11 made his case with the aforementioned annihilation of Gryffindor, but Larry Chruscial #10 of Over Compensators hangs on with TWO 50+ point performances this week, including a 50-24 win over Come From Behind and a 58-25 destruction of their En Fuego rivals.  Over Compensators has the most points in the League after four weeks, and the most points per game as well (non-gender of course; no one competes with Matty’s Angels otherwise).  Blase Laduca was #comingforblood this week, but Larry’s the one leaving with the W and the Top Ten ranking. 

 

Who else is lurking in the shadows waiting for their shot at Top Ten glory?  Scott Drosendahl #12 had his chance this week with a double header that could have put Frodo Swaggins on top of the D3 standings.  They took care of business against No Punt Intended with a 34-29 win, but then dropped a bit of a shocker to 3rd & Schlong 41-22.  Schlong had been riding the longest active losing streak in the League before stunning Frodo, but the problem with that team has never been on the offensive side – Scott Keller Sr #15 is averaging 34 ppg, which is half a point better than Eyes Downtown and just two tenths of a point less than Marketing Mayors.  3rd & Schlong are 16th in the league on offense and 43rd in defense, so don’t blame the QB for this team’s struggles.

 

Joe Miano #13 doesn’t deserve to drop in the Power Rankings after pulling off a thrilling 27-25 win over No Punt Intended, but a) Mike Mckenrick’s win over Gryffindor was even more impressive, and b) Scott played the same NPI team as Joe and scored even more against them in HIS win.  Sorry Joe.  Win your much-hyped Jabronies vs Sticky Bandits bet game next week and we’ll make it up to you.

 

Dilf’s beat “We Back” 47-12.  Yawn.  Johnny Dio #14 keeps his spot.

 

Scott Pinto #16 is making noise as the Ultimate Warriors pick up their first win of the season over the Sticky Bandits by a score of 46-30.  Scott has played well all season as the Ultimate Warriors are 10th in the League in scoring and 2nd in D3 behind AWDIQ.  We’ve probably been unfairly biased against this team in the Power Rankings since they effectively use two different quarterbacks (Sam “Icebox” Lattuca #20 being the other), making it difficult for us to rank either player.  But both are legitimately good, and Ultimate Warriors have the formula down to perfection – Scott drives the team into the red zone, and Sam punches it in.  Ultimate Warriors becomes the first team in Power Rankings history to have two quarterbacks ranked in the same week.

 

Kyle Conniff #17 and No Punt Intended dropped both games of a doubleheader (34-29 vs Frodo Swaggins, 27-25 vs Jabronies) this week to fall one spot in our Power Rankings.  But on the bright side, we weren’t even showing our rankings past the Top Fifteen last week, so at least now Kyle is getting SOME recognition as we expand to show our Top Twenty.  Kyle is one of the most complete players in the League, and he can beat you with his arm, his legs, his hands and his defense.  NPI is 2-2 and has another doubleheader on tap for next week – wins over the struggling Puckett All-Stars and End Game could push Kyle into the Top Fifteen.  And hey, why IS End Game struggling so much lately?  David Eickhoff #19 continues to plummet in our Power Rankings as the End Game offense sputters to the 7th worst PPG in the League.  These guys were really good last session… not so much anymore.

 

Our guess is that if you haven’t heard of Vaspian yet, you will soon.  This brand new team founded by Drew (the guy who’s made Topper look halfway decent all these years) is already gelling well, and QB Lucas Kramer #18 earns his spot in the Power Rankings with a 25-13 win over End Game.  The League looks forward to getting to know these guys better.

 

***


Here are a few quick hits on your TSL team leaders after three weeks – we’ve separated out gender teams where needed, because apparently our ladies are so dominant they ruin these categories for their less athletic male counterparts:

 

·         Best Offensive Team (total points) – Over Compensators, 297

·         Best Offensive Team (points per game) – Matty’s Angels, 56

·         Best Non-Gender Offensive Team (points per game) – Over Compensators, 49.5

 

·         Worst Offensive Team (total points) – Pink Pteratacos, 24

·         Worst Offensive Team (points per game) – Pink Pteratacos, 8

 

·         Best Defensive Team (total points against) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 40

·         Best Defensive Team (points against per game) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 10

 

·         Worst Defensive Team (total points against) – Gryffindor, 269

·         Worst Defensive Team (points against per game) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, 54.5

 

·         Best Point Differential (total points) – Over Compensators, +166

·         Best Point Differential (points per game) – Matty’s Angels, +37.3

·         Best Non-Gender Point Differential (points per game) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, +32.8

 

·         Worst Point Differential (total points) – We Back, -196

·         Worst Point Differential (points per game) – We Back, -39.2

 

·         Longest Current Win Streak – Cunning Stunts, 7

·         Longest Current Losing Streak – Hope N Ruin, 6

 

·         Remaining Undefeated Teams: A&A, Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, Mattys Angels, Cunning Stunts, Over Compensators, Bipolar Express* (Includes tie)

·         Remaining Winless Teams: Energy Buff, We Back, Puckett All-Stars, Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, Pink Pteratacos, Hope N Ruin, Shattered Dreams

 

***

 

Last week we shared some charts with the top offenses in the League – this week we’re going to take a look at defenses.  Here are your best and worst defenses in the League after four weeks, sorted by Points Per Game

 

Only three teams are allowing fewer than 20 points per game, and Hofbrauhaus Buffalo has a commanding lead here – to put it in perspective, the difference in points per game between first place Hofbrauhaus Buffalo and second place pAssless Chaps (7.33 ppg) is roughly the same as the difference between second place pAssless Chaps and 15th place Cunning Stunts.  On the other end of the spectrum, we have six teams that are giving up more than 40 points per game, and Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers are actually giving up over 50.  While that doesn’t seem sustainable (do they have ANY stops this season on defense?) it’s still pretty amazing four weeks into the season. 

 

And the same as above, but for each division:

 


 

A few observations:

·         The top four D1 defenses are all within a touchdown of each other in points per game… and then Gryffindor is way behind.

·         End Game and Dilf’s are the only two teams in the League with losing records that are allowing less than 30 points per game.

·         D3 seems to have the most defensive parity from top to bottom, as the best defense (No Punt Intended) allows only 16.7 ppg less than the worst defense (3rd & Schlong).

·         We get why gender teams would score more points than co-ed teams, since gender TDs are worth more.  But there’s really no “gender rules” reason they should have the best defenses too – they’re just better athletes than the guys they play against.

 

 

***

 

That’s it for this week.  If you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your QB is STILL not shown in the Power Rankings even though we expanded to Twenty this week?  you want to know who’s ranked last?  too many data charts, not enough pie charts?), please send complaints to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

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