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"The more difficult the victory, the greater the happiness in winning." - Pele

 

Hello and welcome back to your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  Only ONE WEEK remains in the 2021 Spring Session, and the playoff picture is coming together.  If we're looking at the Standings correctly, it SEEMS like only four of our teams have been eliminated from playoff contention (Scared Hitless, Not So Sticky, Woodpeckers and Juiced) with one week to go.  For everyone else, dreams of playoff glory survive for at least another week.  

 

This is what we have for you below:

• The TSL QB Power Rankings - Top 35 in the League, our most expansive Power Rankings in the history of this article.  More QB coverage than ever!
• Stats and Charts - Earlier this season we took a look at the "Best and Worst" of the TSL in terms of offense and defense.  Now that the season is almost over, let's check back in on who our most dominant (and least dominant) teams are.
• Final Observations

So let's get right to it.  Here are the Week Seven TSL QB Power Rankings:

 

 

#1 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Public Enemy 31-26

 

There's no asterisk next to this one as TEIM once again beat Public Enemy.  Yes, we know that P.E. didn't have ALL their players, we know that Cole had to play defense.  But they had enough, and Tight Ends in Motion (who were missing plenty of their own stars) STILL pulled it off.  It looks like the days of "TEIM can't beat Public Enemy" are in the past.  Tight Ends in Motion is now the team to beat this session in D1, and if you didn't agree that Bro belonged in this spot before, he should have changed your mind this week.

 

#2 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 31-26

 

Public Enemy is 0-2 against TEIM this session and they're 26th in the League in scoring.  No one is going to remember either of those things a month from now if they win the D1 championship for the tenth time (No, we don't actually know how many they've won... we wish we had better records.)  The playoffs are all that matters for this team (what more do they have to prove in the regular season?) and barring a complete collapse next week, Public Enemy will have a first round bye.  

 

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Sloppy Seconds 42-31, beat Sticky Bandits 33-22

 

Eyes Downtown are the only team to have beaten TEIM this season, and they lost to Public Enemy by a single score.  The "narrative" of D1 this session might be Public Enemy vs Eyes Downtown, but there IS a third contender capable of beating both of those teams, and they've got one of the sharpest QBs in the game in Bobby McConnell leading the charge.  Don't be surprised if Bobby flips the script in the playoffs and makes this season the one where he takes back his crown.

 

#4 Dean Thompson - Peachy Platoon - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 41-16

 

Peachy Platoon wasn't rattled last week when they had to win with three girls; they weren't rattled this week when they fell behind early just to rattle off 41 unanswered points in a dominating comeback win.  These guys have now won six in a row since starting 0-1-1, and it starts with their human highlight reel Quarterback.  We're expecting Dean to finish the season with his seventh win in a row... and then maybe to run it up to ten with a D2 championship later this month.

 

#5 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat Slytherin that end zone 43-28 (Losing Streak), lost to TMA 54-8 (Victorious Secret)

 

Still the highest scoring team in D2 (and fifth highest scoring in the TSL), Losing Streak is on a five game winning streak of their own and on a potential collision course with Peachy Platoon in the D2 finals.  Jordan hasn't lost (at least not with Losing Streak) in over a month, and has their team confident in their playoff prospects going into the last week of the regular season.  A win over XTC next week would wrap up a 7-2 campaign, which is pretty remarkable for a team in its first season in the TSL.

 

#6 Joey Batts - Mountain Dew Me / Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 41-36, beat Scared Hitless 34-22 (Mountain Dew Me), lost to Itches and Ohs 51-24

 

Cunning Stunts is no longer undefeated NOR are they the highest scoring team in the League anymore (we'll get to that team later) but M.D.M. picked up a pair of wins and Joey scored 99 points on the day (sounds exhausting), so not a terrible Saturday for our former (and future) Villain of the Year.  Mountain Dew Me and Cunning Stunts should both be strong contenders to win their divisions this year, and we're certain Joey will be as graceful as ever in victory.

 

#7 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Beat Why So Serious 51-16, lost to Eyes Downtown 33-22

 

The Sticky Bandits are 4-1 and have an average point differential of +18.6 PPG against teams NOT named Public Enemy or TEIM.  They're also 0-4 and have an average point differential of -25.3 PPG against teams that ARE named Public Enemy or TEIM.  This was a great debut season in D1 for Sticky Nation, and Mike has surprised many with how well he's adjusted since making the leap from D2.  They're going to need some tricks up their sleeves if they want to compete with the top dogs in the playoffs though.

 

#8 Alex Buchlis - Sloppy Seconds - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Alex has the week off, and Sloppy Seconds falls to Eyes Downtown for the third time this season.  His Power Ranking remains unchanged.

 

#9 Travis Cleavenger - Breast Friends / A&A - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 57-56, beat Show Me Dem TDs 34-0

 

What's more impressive: a 34 point shutout win, or a 1 point shootout win where you needed to score 57 to narrowly pull off the W?  Whatever you prefer, Travis had them both this week, so he rises three spots in the Power Rankings.  Is A&A planning on giving Matty the job back for playoffs, or is this Travis's team to lead now?  We have no idea, but either way Travis will be throwing for at least ONE team that's expected to make a serious playoff push.

 

#10 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Beat Frodo Swaggins 39-21, beat Vaspian 37-6

 

TopShot is the last undefeated team in the League, the fourth highest scoring offense in the TSL, the best defense in the TSL, and the best point differential in the TSL.  Not a bad team!  A pair of wins over Frodo and Vaspian this week has TopShot one game away from an undefeated regular season, and that looks to be an immediate rematch against Frodo Swaggins (who will presumably have their quarterback this time).  Win or lose, Dylan has easily locked up the #1 seed for TopShot with playoffs looming.

 

#11 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Did Not Play (after Breakfast Club)

 

The TSL's favorite shoe-less shorts-less Quarterback (sorry Travis) left the fields early on Saturday so didn't get to play beyond Breakfast Club.  Next week's Frodo Swaggins vs. TopShot rematch should determine which D3 Quarterback finishes with the better spot in our final Rankings of the year.

 

#12 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No action from Dubey this week as XTC has the week off.

 

#13 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries / TOX - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Lost to Freeballers 36-6

 

Topper made excuses for his losses when he "had to play four games in a day" (even though he makes the schedules)... so what's his excuse for scoring only 6 points in one game this weekend?  Too much chlorine in his eyes from the dunk tank?  TOX looks unlikely to win a playoff game this session, but When Dove Cries still has a little more life in them.  They could finish as high as 6-2-1 next week, or as low as 4-4-1, so we'll see what kind of team they really are.

 

#14 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  Lost to Peachy Platoon 41-16

 

Bullet Club loses their sixth game in a row and falls to 2-6 on their once promising season.  What happened here?  Allowing 35.5 PPG certainly isn't helping Bullet Club, but the offense isn't performing as well as it needs to either, as their 26.8 PPG are only 8th in the division.  It's not impossible that they miss the playoffs, which would have been unthinkable when they were sitting at 2-0.  Does Bullet Club get Scotty some more help next season... or are they looking for his replacement instead?

 

#15 Jeremy Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Lost to A&A 57-56, lost to Mountain Dew Me 41-36

 

Passed Our Prime is 7th in the entire TSL in offensive PPG, and yet they have a 1-6 record.  They scored 92 points this week, and went 0-2.  Excluding P.O.P., the rest of the Top Twenty best offenses in the league have a combined record of 109-36, while Passed Our Prime, once again, is 1-6.  What we're trying to say here is that the defense is letting this team down HARD, with a League worst 49.0 PPG allowed (by FAR the worst in the TSL).  Olsen can play.  His defense cannot.

 

#16 Matt Newman - Slytherin that end zone - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week:  Lost to Losing Streak 43-28

 

Slytherin's mediocre defense (5th in their division) is "carrying" them to a 3-5 record in spite of their struggling offense (9th in their division).  Did they lose people in the off-season?  Someone will have to explain to us how this prolific offense suddenly fell apart, because we don't get it.  Newman's still a great QB... right?  

 

#17 Joe Miano - Jabronies - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Beat Woodpeckers 46-20, beat Buffalo Vice 32-23

 

The Jabronies are heating up at the right time, as Joe picks up wins over the Woodpeckers (yawn) and Buffalo Vice (impressive!).  This team struggles with attendance it seems, but when they have a full roster of capable athletes, Miano makes them absolutely dangerous.  They're not the "favorites" for D4 in most peoples eyes... but maybe they should be.

 

#18 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Beat Not So Sticky 34-7

 

B picks up a dominating win this week and Practice Squad run their record to 6-2, tied for second best in their division.  There are six teams with winning records in what looks to be a pretty wide open field in D4, but B gives Practice Squad that veteran edge that could prove to make all the difference in tight playoff games.  We can't wait to see the Godfather's playoff odds for each team next week, but Practice Squad shouldn't be far behind anyone.

 

#19 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  Lost to Jabronies 32-23

 

Buffalo Vice is right in the thick of the D4 playoff race, and this week's loss to Jabronies didn't help their cause.  The #1 seed is guaranteed an easy first round matchup with TOX, the #2 seed is likely to play Cobblestone, and then the #3-6 seeds are going to be a bloodbath as there are so many talented two-loss teams in this division right now.  Andy still has three games to play next week (if they're all scheduled) and how he plays will determine how difficult the Buffalo Vice playoff path becomes.

 

#20 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - (Previous Rank #16)

Last Week:  Lost to Wolfpack 31-20

 

The Top Ten in our Power Rankings seems like a lifetime ago for Vince Taverna, as Quinn drops to 3-3 on the season with a loss to Wolfpack.  AWDIQ have scored 2 more points than they've allowed on the season, and they look like the definition of mediocrity at this point.  Difficult to imagine them pulling off the upset of TopShot or Frodo Swaggins, but stranger things have happened.

 

#21 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #21)

Last Week:  Lost to Mountain Dew Me 34-22

 

Scared Hitless won't be winning back-to-back championships this season as they were eliminated from playoff contention by Mountain Dew Me this week. It was a rough adjustment season for Dylan and Co this year, as it often is when you move up a division.  But although they lost more than they won, they actually had a lot of close games this season, nearly beating some top contenders along the way.  Scared Hitless gets one more chance for glory against A&A this week, and then the offseason gives them some time to reflect and retool for next season.

 

#22 Dave Baker - Interdimensional Lightning Falcons - (Previous Rank #22)

Last Week:  Beat the Bambs 32-0

 

ILF crushed a short handed Bambs this week for an easy win, and Dave Baker keeps his spot in the QB Power Rankings.  The Falcons finish their season against Puckett All-Stars, who beat them just a couple backs back.  Dave understands that confidence is everything heading into the playoffs, so expect him to pull out a gutsy performance to lock up a 6-3 season as the Falcons soar to their best record yet.

 

#23 T.J. Ferguson - Puckett All-Stars - (Previous Rank #31)

Last Week:  Beat Wasted Potential 34-33, beat the Bambs 42-40

 

We always seem to neglect someone super talented until WAY too late in the season.  Last week we finally recognized Zack Elphick, and this week we are LONG overdue in covering T.J. Ferguson in our Power Rankings (thank you Sentinel for pointing this out).  Puckett All-Stars are one game out of first place in D5, and they are the highest scoring non-gender team in the division as well.  Why haven't we ranked T.J. until now?  Our mistake, but we've corrected it now.  This team has more wins than anyone in D5 (Breast Friends keeps collecting forfeit wins) and they'll likely be the favorites once playoffs start in a couple weeks.

 

#24 "Coach" Jay Jaskier - Wasted Potential - (Previous Rank #23)

Last Week:  Lost to Puckett All-Stars 34-33

 

Wasted Potential started the season 3-1 and have since dropped four straight games.  We still think they're a good team (no team with Coach Jay leading the charge will ever NOT be a "good team") but if the playoffs started today their first round matchup would be against Puckett All-Stars, against whom they've already lost twice.  A five game losing streak is going to be tough to overcome in the playoffs, so look for Coach Jay to find a way to pull off the win against the Bambs this week.

 

#25 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - (Previous Rank #24)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No action from Darryl this week as Cobblestone has the week off.  Darryl presumably spent the weekend shooting Corona endorsements instead.

 

#26 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack - (Previous Rank #25)

Last Week:  Lost to University Wealth Management 37-8

 

Okay.  We need to talk about this.  How does a 7-0 team lose BADLY to an 0-7 team that it beat BADLY just the week before?  There must be a story here, because if this is "real" (i.e. no missing players, no sub shenanigans) then this is one of the most shocking upsets we have ever seen in touch football.  You know the betting line we gave to the Godfather last week was Zack Attack by 33?  And the Godfather predicted it would actually be 40?  We were wrong by 62 and 69 points.  Unheard of.  

 

#27 Nolan Perry - the Untouchaballs - (Previous Rank #27)

Last Week:  Beat Frodo Swaggins 38-25

 

The Untouchaballs beat Frodo Swaggins this week!  Those wins are always more impressive when Garrett is actually present, but you can only beat the players that show up to play you, as we always say.  Untouchaballs are 3-5, but in D3 that's actually right in the thick of the playoff race, as they're essentially only one game out of third place (only two teams have winning records).  Nolan's playing well and getting better every week.  It's not impossible that the 'Balls (gross nickname) can make some noise in the playoffs this year.

 

#28 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care - (Previous Rank #28)

Last Week:  Beat the Angels 33-28

 

Beating the Angels doesn't have the same luster it used to when Matty was under center, but it's still an incredible group of athletes to come out on top against.  Grey Hair - Don't Care is 4-4 and in third place in D3 right now, a game behind Frodo Swaggins for second place.  Eickhoff's a savvy vet and should be a difficult out in the playoffs... but we're not sure that they (or anyone else in D3) have got the consistency to take out TopShot.

 

#29 George Lombardo - Freeballers - (Previous Rank #26)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

George was not available this week for Freeballers, who won 36-6 in his absence.

 

#30 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing - (Previous Rank #29)

Last Week:  Beat Lenny's Ladies 38-16

 

Finally, we reach the #1 highest scoring team in the entire TSL at 41.4 PPG.  Yes, Nick is Power Ranked 30th despite scoring more points than anyone else, which is what happens when you play in D6.  But we're not convinced he couldn't beat a lot of other QBs in higher divisions with the way he's been playing lately.  Spinelli's and Tater Tots are FINALLY set to battle it out for the #1 seed in D6 next week, and we'll spoil it for you right now: whichever QB wins that game will be the higher ranked in next week's final Power Rankings.

 

#31 Mark Harzynski - Tater Tots - (Previous Rank #30)

Last Week:  Beat Graves Bros 22-20

 

Tater Tots win again, and although Mark doesn't have the same stats as Nick (Tater Tots are 19th in the League offensively) he DOES have them sitting at the same 7-1 record heading into the final game of the season.  We'll copy and paste from the above: "Spinelli's and Tater Tots are FINALLY set to battle it out for the #1 seed in D6 next week, and we'll spoil it for you right now: whichever QB wins that game will be the higher ranked in next week's final Power Rankings."  Should be a great battle.

 

#32 Brian Orzechowski - Vaspian - (Previous Rank #32)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Brian didn't play this week, but Vaspian remains one of the more underrated teams in the League.  They play in a challenging D3 so their 1-6 record doesn't reflect it, but they're really not a bad team, and if they dropped down to D4 they might be right in the thick of that playoff race.  If they choose to stay in D3 next session they'll probably need a couple more pieces around Brian to be competitive, but they're not that far off.  Brian is a good player and remains in the #32 spot in the Power Rankings this week.

 

#33 Ward Blewitt - Wolfpack - (Previous Rank #36)

Last Week:  Beat All We Do is Quinn 31-20

 

Wolfpack struggled early in the season, but they've got two wins in a row now over AWDIQ and Grey Hair - Don't Care, and were three points away from a win over the Angels before that.  If they're figuring out how to win at this point in the season against some pretty decent teams, that's encouraging for their playoff chances.  Also, can we talk about how much everyone LIKES Ward?  If you don't know him, he's one of the nicest guys in the League, which makes him easy to root for.

 

#34 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids - (Previous Rank #35)

Last Week:  Beat the BiPolar Express 38-24

 

John Langley, our D6 Division All-Star choice at QB, is finally getting his recognition in our QB Power Rankings this week.  John has one of the strongest arms in the League, and has led Travis Henry's Kids to some impressive comeback wins this season.  THK still seem like they're a half step behind Spinelli's and the Tots in D6, but John is a good enough QB to potentially pull off the big upset in the playoffs.  Keep an eye on these guys.

 

#35 Mike Boccio - Not a Starting QB, Anywhere - (Previous Rank: Not Ranked, of course)

Last Week:  Beat the Stone Cold Kellers / Keller Whales 43-8

 

What the hell is Mike Boccio doing in our QB Power Rankings?  He's not even a "real" quarterback.  We can only assume he was inspired by his selection to the D1 All-Star Team in last week's article and tried QBing in Breakfast Club this week in a desperate attempt to get mentioned again.  Regardless... he actually did (surprisingly) really well, scoring 43 points against the Stone Cold Keller Whales (we're using their full, unofficial name) and leading Drive Me CURRazy to a big win.  No, we don't think he's good enough to hold on to the job (Brian > Bocc)... but maybe he's good enough to take Tommy's back-up QB job on Public Enemy?  

 

 

 

***

 

Stats and Charts: The Best and Worst of the TSL

 

A few weeks ago we gave you a chart with the Top Ten Best (and Worst) offenses and defenses in the TSL.  We're going to give you something a little bigger this time... the full ranking of EVERY team's Offensive and Defensive rankings so far this season.  There are 52 teams excluding Breakfast Club, so you may have to zoom in quite a bit to find your team, especially if (like most of you) you're reading this from your phone.

 

We've color coded the chart to make it easier (we hope) to see not only how you stack up against the rest of the TSL, but also your own division rivals.  As always, we've removed forfeit wins and losses from each team's totals.

 

Enjoy!

 

 

 

What did we learn from this?

 

Spinelli's Plumbing vs Tater Tots will be the battle of elite offense vs elite defense this week

 

TopShot and Tight Ends in Motion are in first place for a reason, as they rate well on both charts.

 

Passed Our Prime's defense is just SO much worse than everyone else's.

 

In prior years we've seen a division be REALLY offense heavy (see: last year's D4 with the Angels, Stunts, Buffalo Solar and Uncle Rico's) or really defense heavy, but this year it seems like a much more even distribution, as each division has some great teams on each side of the ball.  Take a look at the average points each team is scoring by game in each division below:  D3 is the lowest scoring and D2 is the highest, but the difference is negligible.

 

 

Look at your division above - if you're scoring more points per game than your average, your QB is probably doing a decent job and you should stop blaming him for your bad record.  If you're scoring WAY fewer points than that... well, maybe you start thinking about free agency for a new QB next Fall.

 

**

 

Final Observations

• There were three undefeated teams last week... and two of them lost this week!  Your LAST remaining undefeated team is TopShot in D3.  Maybe they should have tried D2 after all?
• There were three winless teams last week... and one of them actually won last week!  Your two remaining winless teams are Why So Serious? (D1) and Juiced (D6).  One chance for glory left next week.
• The longest winning streak in the League belongs to Top Shot at 8 games in a row.  
• The longest losing streak in the League belongs to Why So Serious at 9 games in a row, dating back to last Fall.  University Wealth Management previously HAD the longest losing streak in the League (15 games, dating back to last Fall) but pulled off the stunning upset over undefeated Zack Attack this week.  Amazing. 
• There have been 8 shutouts so far this season, including Public Enemy over Sticky Bandits (33-0), Freeballers over Woodpeckers (30-0), Tater Tots over Lenny's Ladies (52-0), Cobblestone over Woodpeckers (30-0), Freeballers over Itches and Ohs (51-0), Zack Attack over University Wealth Management (38-0), ILF over Bambs (32-0), and Breast Friends over Show Me Dem TDs (34-0).  This does not include 3 forfeits this season (which are marked as 21-0 scores), including Bambs to Breast Friends, Show me dem TDs to Breast Friends, and Why So Serious to Sticky Bandits.
• Freeballers are the only team with two "legitimate" shutout wins (Breast Friends somehow has two forfeit wins and one actual shutout win, so three of their games with "zero points allowed"), and Woodpeckers are the only team with two "legitimate" shutout losses (the Bambs have a forfeit shutout and an actual shutout).  The Sticky Bandits have a true shutout loss, and a forfeit shutout win.   
• How would our Power Rankings change if we included Breakfast Club?  Does Travis get more respect as the only undefeated Breakfast Club QB1?  Does Garrett Beesing take a hit for the winless Steph It Up a Notch season?

 

 

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you think our charts are a letdown after last week's controversial Division All Star teams?  you want more/less coverage of Boccio's quest to be #1 in the QB Power Rankings?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

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