Week 5 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 23 September 2021 16:22

Published: Thursday, 23 September 2021 16:22

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 12893

Hello and welcome back to your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings... with a heavy emphasis on the "Quarterback" part. Maybe we SHOULD stick to ranking passers after all the feedback we got on our Male Receiver Rankings last week!  The common theme that emerged was "you ranked me as one of the best receivers in an entire League of talented athletes, but I STILL choose to be offended that I wasn't ranked higher".  We knew it was coming of course, but it still always surprises us that people choose to dwell on the negative instead of the positive.  It is no insult to say there are a handful of people who MIGHT be better than you at getting open and catching a football.  Oh, and your friends that you're complaining to about how you should be ranked higher? They're probably thinking THEY belong on the list ahead of you, so you're probably not getting as much sympathy from them as you think...

 

But that'll be the last receiver ranking for the year, male or female, so whatever your Power Ranking was (or lack of Ranking if you didn't make the list) you're stuck with it for the rest of 2021.  Sorry you weren't ranked #1.  Try playing better.

 

With that, we're back to the Quarterback Power Rankings, including Matty Ice's "NFL Comparison QBs" that he shared on the most recent TSL Podcast, for at least the top QBs (you should listen to the Podcast if you haven't already).  Then we'll share our first team offense/defense charts of the year below, now that we're far enough into the season that we feel the data is meaningful.

 

Enjoy!

 

 

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #2)

NFL QB Comparison:  Tom Brady

Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 29-22, beat Eyes Downtown 47-14

 

Look who's back at #1 with a record setting third reign as TSL Top QB (and a record setting 19th overall week atop the chart).  People ask us all the time what our criteria is for judging QBs.  What division do you play in?  Cole is D1.  What's your win-loss record?  Cole is undefeated in a division where every other team has at least two losses.  How easy/difficult has your schedule been so far?  After this past week, Cole has played and beaten all the best teams in the League.  What's your offensive production?  Cole is not just the highest scoring QB in D1, he's the highest scoring QB in the TSL at 46.0 PPG.  Checks every box, zero debate.

 

#2 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #1)

NFL QB Comparison:  Russell Wilson

Last Week:  Lost to Public Enemy 29-22

 

Bro had only one loss last year.  He has only one loss this year.  The sky isn't exactly falling for Tight Ends in Motion, and they're still "the Champs" until they lose a playoff game.  But at this time last season their stats were just incredible as they were leading the League in just about every category.  This season they're +14 after five games.  That's not bad of course (they're one of only two teams with a positive point differential in D1) but it's not the domination we've seen from them before.  They used to be the hungry challenger trying to prove to the world that they were better than Public Enemy... and now it looks like the roles might be reversed.

 

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #3)

NFL QB Comparison:  Philip Rivers

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 36-17, lost to Public Enemy 47-14

 

Eyes Downtown are exactly where we thought they'd be at this point in the season, a step above the bottom teams in D1 but a step below the top two teams.  They win the games they're supposed to but they're also losing the games they're supposed to, and last week it wasn't particularly close: Public Enemy stomped them by 33 points, which has to be a little discouraging for Bobby if he's planning to get past these guys in the playoffs.  We're not ready to count him out yet though... there's still a decent chance that Eyes Downtown are playing in the D1 finals this session.

 

#4 Matty "Ice" Ditullio - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank #5)

NFL QB Comparison:  Aaron Rodgers

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 49-34 (A&A), beat Super Freaks 45-16 (The Angels)

 

The self-proclaimed Aaron Rodgers of the League had a pair of 45+ point games last week as he moves up to the 4th spot in the Power Rankings.  A&A is the last remaining undefeated team in D2 and they're a two point conversion away from tying Passed Our Prime for the highest scoring offense in the division as well.  Meanwhile the Angels have won three in a row in D3 since starting the season 0-2, with their latest W coming by nearly 30 points against some of the best pure athletes in the League.  We're not sure who would lead the TSL Most Hilarious QB Rankings, but it's some combination of Matty, Scotty, Garrett, Cole and Bro at the top, right?

 

#5 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #4)

NFL QB Comparison:  Matt Ryan

Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 43-42, lost to Slob Kabombs 48-38 (Losing Streak), lost to Travis Henry's Kids 38-32 (Victorious Secret)

 

Tough week for Jordan Lawson as Losing Streak and Victorious Secret combined for three one-score losses.  Losing Streak is now 1-4 in D1 with their sole win coming against a backup QB, but we still have Jordan ranked above the next two QBs who have both beaten him head to head.  No, that's not a mistake (although we DID furiously debate the order of the #4 through #7 spots this week) as Jordan still has the second highest PPG in D1 and the fifth highest PPG in the entire TSL.  It's the Losing Streak defense that seems to be letting them down as they are dead last in D1 and third last in the TSL on that side of the ball.  Wouldn't you think a team with Chris and Ralph would be dominant defensively?

 

#6 Seth Molisani - Slob Kabombs / Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #11)

NFL QB Comparison:  Josh Allen

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 48-38 (Slob Kabombs), beat Today's Feast 41-14 (Buffalo Vice)

 

Hard to imagine Seth started the season outside of our Top Ten, but just watch the guy play.  He's making phenomenal throws while scrambling at full speed, and he's got Slob Kabombs at 2-2 in their inaugural D1 season (okay, 2-3 if we count their forfeit loss, which we should).  We are very confident that there is no better athlete playing the QB position in the TSL right now than this guy.  Buffalo Vice also had a 40 point showing this week as they remained unbeaten on the season.  We don't KNOW this, but our guess is that Seth won't be allowed to QB a D4 team next session once the League learns how effective he is.

 

#7 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #6)

NFL QB Comparison:  Dak Prescott

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 43-42, lost to Eyes Downtown 36-17

 

Sticky Nation picked up their first win of the season on Saturday with a thrilling walk off extra-point over Losing Streak, but only got to enjoy the feeling for a couple hours until they were soundly beaten by Eyes Downtown.  What an unforgiving division.  Mike actually dropped in the Power Rankings this week which doesn't feel right, but Seth has the better record, the head-to-head win, AND a better points per game, so Mike becomes a victim of Slob Kabomb's success.  That 43 point offensive explosion should give the Sticky Bandits some confidence going forward though... and they're going to need that kind of production to beat Public Enemy this week.

 

#8 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #7)

NFL QB Comparison:  Baker Mayfield

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 33-32, beat Passed Our Prime 37-30

 

What more can we say about TopShot this week?  They've been as good as Blase said they would be this season (although to be fair, he says his teams are going to be invincible every season) as they run their record to 5-1.  Dylan's only loss this session came by four points against A&A, a game that easily could have gone the other way.  Don't take that as a sign that TopShot can't win close games though, as they've beaten Scared Hitless by 1, XTC by 3, and Passed Our Prime by 7.  Barring a complete collapse in the postseason (like, you know, last season) this team should already be thinking Finals.

 

#9 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #8)

NFL QB Comparison:  Joe Burrow

Last Week:  Lost to A&A 49-34, lost to TopShot 33-32

 

From undefeated to 4-2, it was not a great day for Scared Hitless.  Whatever.  One bad day won't define their season.  And it wasn't even THAT bad, as they scored 32 and 34 points in their games, hardly an indictment on Dylan's Quarterback play.  Giving up 49 points is a little surprising given all the talent on this team, but if there's one team that can match Scared Hitless for female athleticism in D2, it's probably A&A.  Dylan drops one spot in the Rankings to 9th place (not bad for the "Joe Burrow" of the TSL).

 

#10 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB - (Previous Rank #9)

NFL QB Comparison:  Ben Roethlisberger

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 29-28

 

Notorious BNB picked up their second win of the season this week over winless Bullet Club.  They still seem a step below the four teams with winning records in D2, but is the gap really that big between Team Buchlis and the top contenders in their division?  When their whole team is present and focused (ie letting Alex QB instead of his brother) they're as dangerous and capable as anybody.  This is the team you DON'T want to draw in the first round of the playoffs, because they've got the talent and the experience to pull off an upset.

 

#11 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries - (Previous Rank #12)

NFL QB Comparison:  Drew Brees

Last Week:  Beat XTC 37-22

 

Patrick "Commissioner Topper DrewBrees" McGovern gets another win this week over XTC and is on the verge of cracking our Quarterback Rankings Top Ten for the thirteenth time in our five seasons of Ranking.  If he does, he will become one of only three QBs to make the Top Ten at least once in all five seasons.  Cole, McConnell, McGovern... what elite company.  Of course, he'll probably have to get past TopShot next week if he wants to move up a spot, and that's a tall task this season.  We think it'll be a close game at least, but we're not sure we'd bet on Topper...

 

#12 Jeremy "Hogan" Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #10)

NFL QB Comparison:  Matt Stafford

Last Week:  Lost to TopShot 37-30

 

Hogan's first failure to score 38+ points in a game this season led to a 37-30 loss to TopShot this week.  No word on whether or not they were missing people or whether it was a rare off game by the League's most ridiculous gunslinger.  Passed Our Prime is 4th in the TSL in offensive points per game, and 5th last in the TSL in defensive points per game allowed (which sounds really shitty until you realize what an improvement it is over last year's effort).  Can these guys just play Losing Streak every week so we can forget about defense for a while and enjoy some fireworks?

 

#13 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #14)

NFL QB Comparison:  Sam Darnold

Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 31-22

 

Frodo Swaggins is 26th in the TSL in offense and 28th in defense.  They're a very balanced team right now having allowed 4 more points than they've given up, but we have to think they wanted better than "balanced" to start the season, given how good they played at times over the Spring session.  The schedule should get a little easier for the next few weeks as Frodo has only played teams with winning records so far this season (and gone 2-1-1 against them).  Eventually they'll pad their numbers with some games against cellar dwellers and start to look more like the Frodo Swaggins we expected.

 

#14 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Lost to When Dove Cries 37-22

 

We're not sure what's a more hurtful: dropping a spot in the Power Rankings by losing to Topper, or becoming the first QB on our Power Rankings without an NFL Comparison from Matty Ice.  If WE had to choose one for Dubey it would be Eli Manning: former world champion, top ten all time in every meaningful stat in the TSL, doesn't get the proper respect from current QBs for all he's accomplished... and yet he's losing more games than he's winning at this stage in his career.  If he were 2-0 against Cole in Finals games that would really seal the comparison, but sadly our data doesn't go back that far.

 

#15 Jeremy Burr - The Untouchaballs - (Previous Rank #16)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No game for the Untouchaballs this week.  Burr moves up because Scotty went 0-2.

 

#16 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club / 4th & Dong - (Previous Rank #15)

NFL QB Comparison:  Jameis Winston

Last Week:  Lost to Notorious BNB 29-28 (Bullet Club), lost to Show Me Dem TDs 49-40 (4th & Dong)

 

Last week we mentioned that Scotty was winless in D2 but undefeated in D3.  Sadly only one of those things is still true.  4th & Dong took their first loss of the season to an otherwise struggling Show Me Dem TDs.  Hmmm not sure how that went down.  And Bullet Club lost when Scotty slipped and fell in the mud at a pivotal time in an otherwise good game.  Not his best week, but Scotty Ballgame will rise again.  We still desperately want a Garrett vs Scotty grudge match in the D3 finals.  Is that too much to ask for???

 

#17 Joey Batts - Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #17)

NFL QB Comparison:  Cam Newton

Last Week:  Lost to Zack Attack 43-16

 

Cunning Stunts lost their first game of the season this week when they ran into the buzz saw that is the Zack Attack defense.  It happens to the best of us honestly; we've been writing about how good the Zack Attack defense is for a long time.  The Stunts are now 4-1 and they have the fourth best point differential in the entire TSL.  They're going to be fine.  There are five 4-Win teams in D4 right now, and in our opinion Cunning Stunts is maybe the second best of the bunch behind Buffalo Vice (who they have yet to play).  

 

#18 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Lost to Frodo Swaggins 31-22

 

Eickhoff just doesn't seem to do very well against Frodo Swaggins for whatever reason, and yet he owns The Angels, who in turn seem to beat Frodo Swaggins.  It's a weird little Rock Paper Scissors game there... odd how some teams just match up well against others.  Eickhoff stays in the 18th spot this week as Grey Hair - Don't Care falls to 3-2, one of SEVEN teams in D3 with a winning record, and he can move even higher next week if he beats Scotty Dro and his division-leading 4th & Dong.

 

#19 Travis Cleveanger - Breast Friends - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Lost to Vaspian 44-39

 

Breast Friends have lost three games so far this season despite a point differential better than two of the 4-1 teams in their own division.  What does this mean?  They're PROBABLY due to rebound and win more games in future weeks.  The problem with gender teams is that even moreso than co-ed teams attendance can be a mixed bag as their players have conflicts with their "other" teams, so some weeks they just don't have the personnel they're used to.  We're not sure if that's the case here, just speculating.  Hey, what's the NFL comparison of a QB that scrambles around for 30 seconds every play?  Is Travis a dog-friendly Michael Vick?

 

#20 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No game this week for TSL living legend Darryl Carr.

 

#21 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs - (Previous Rank #22)

Last Week:  Beat Puckett All-Stars 38-23

 

Itches and Ohs are 4-1-1 despite having the 7th best point differential in D4.  Oh, their offense is doing great, third best in the Division behind Breast Friends and Buffalo Vice (which it really should be, with the all-world Moser sisters and very underrated Jeremy Streit catching passes), but their defense holds them back from being a more complete team.  They have the talent to make some noise in the playoffs, but will they stay focused enough to win three games when it counts the most?  

 

#22 Brian Orzechowski - Vaspian - (Previous Rank #25)

Last Week:  Beat Practice Squad 24-15, beat Breast Friends 44-39

 

Vaspian remains undefeated when Brian O plays this season, which is KIND of an awesome story considering the struggles this team had the past couple seasons.  Moving down to D4 was the absolute right move for these guys and they're fitting in great (better than their competition would like, really).  Throw out their 30-8 loss without their starting QB the first week of the season and Vaspian's numbers look even better.  Are they good enough to win a stacked D4 this year?  Mmmmm we kind of don't think so.  Stunts and Vice are still the teams to beat, but Vaspian is showing strong improvement, so who knows?

 

#23 Joe Miano - Falconies - (Previous Rank #23)

Last Week:  Beat GUCCI 27-17

 

Each season follows the same formula: 1) Forget about Joe Miano 2) Check standings at mid-season 3) Marvel at how well Joe Miano is doing.  Of course it's not just Joe as the Falconies are second in D4 in defense right now, but with all their parts clicking this team is really capable of making a deep postseason run.  People aren't discussing them as contenders yet, but they're 4-1 and have the third best average point differential in the division.  With Joe's veteran experience, that should be enough to label them as real threats for the D4 title.

 

#24 Brandon "B" Ford - (Previous Rank #21)

Last Week:  Lost to Vaspian 24-15

 

Practice Squad is apparently going off the rails with injuries right now which is sad to see.  B and his squad have been such consistent winners over the past few seasons it's odd to look at the standings and see 2-4 next to their name.  You hate to write a team off and say "this just isn't your year" with three weeks left in the regular season (especially such a well respected team like Practice Squad) but it just isn't feeling like their year.  But hey, we said that about All We Do is Quinn last session, so clearly we're idiots!

 

#25 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack - (Previous Rank #27)

Last Week:  Beat Cunning Stunts 43-16

 

What a thorough annihilation of one of the best teams in D4.  Zack Attack is only 3-3 but as far as we're concerned that win over Cunning Stunts immediately puts them in the conversation as a force to be reckoned with in their division.  Yes, it's the same story as last season (Zack Attack's defense is stronger than its offense) but the discrepancy isn't as strong as it used to be.  Can they win D4 just one session after winning D5?  No one has won consecutive divisions since... well okay, that just happened last year with Sticky Bandits, but it's still impressive if they can pull it off.

 

***

 

No Receiver Rankings for y'all to hate on this week, so we're just going to leave you with these charts of the best (and worst) offenses and defenses in the league:

 

 

 

What tiny and nauseatingly colorful graphs!  Here's a cleaner chart with the Top Ten Best/Worst Offenses and Defenses if graphs aren't your thing:

 

 

 

***

 

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you want more info on this League worst Titsburgh Feelers team?  you wanted to know who Josh Rosen's TSL equivalent is?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

Power Rankings Week 3

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 09 September 2021 13:05

Published: Thursday, 09 September 2021 13:05

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 4571

 

Hello and welcome back to your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  

 

Isn't it crazy how some teams are already past the halfway mark of their season, while other teams are JUST getting started?  Zack Attack and Itches and Ohs have already played five games each... which is the same number of games that all D1 teams have played combined.  Yes, three weeks into the season and you can still count every D1 game on just one hand.  Ranking QBs is tough with small sample sizes, but we're up to the challenge.  

 

What else should we do this week?  It still feels too early for the "best offenses / best defenses" type charts we're used to producing since 28% of the League hasn't even played a third game yet.  So we guess that means more random rankings like last week's completely flawless, 100% accurate, universally agreed upon Female Receiver Power Rankings.  This week we'll give you the Top Ten Angry Buffalo Bar Legends - we're not calling this the "ten biggest alcoholics in the League"... but let's be honest that wouldn't be far off in this case.

 

First as always, your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings:

 

 

  

#1 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 37-30

 

This guy just doesn't lose games.  Tight Ends in Motion are 1-0 this season when Bro plays and 0-1 when he doesn't (so much for that "anyone could win with receivers this great!" bullshit).  He's the #1 QB in the Power Rankings until someone beats him, and even THEN he might keep the spot.  This shouldn't surprise anyone.

 

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Bye week for the undefeated Bobby McConnell.  Eventually every D1 team is going to start ripping off weekly doubleheaders to catch up with all these byes, and then the top of the Power Rankings will get VERY interesting.

 

#3 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Bye week for the undefeated Chris Cole.  Public Enemy leads the TSL in points per game after three weeks, still riding the coattails of their dominant 53-point week one performance.

 

#4 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Bye weeks for both Losing Streak and Victorious Secret, the latter of which is currently the fifth highest scoring team in the TSL in our "way too early in the season to be quoting these types of numbers" stats.

 

#5 Matty "Ice" Ditullio - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 39-38 (A&A), beat Last Dance 43-28 (The Angels)

 

Matty moves up a spot as A&A run their record to an impressive 4-0 and the Angels record their first win of the session.  The Angels win over Last Dance was decisive, but it's interesting that NONE of A&A's victories this year have been nearly that convincing: they've beaten Passed Our Prime by 1, Notorious BNB by 1, XTC by 3, and When Dove Cries by 9 (still a one score game).  That's not a criticism by the way - it means Matty is doing SOMETHING right for A&A to be 4-0 right now instead of 0-4.

 

#6 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 37-30

 

The Sticky Bandits were one of two teams to play their first game of the season in Week Three, and it was almost an upset of the reigning D1 champs.  Sure, they fell short on the last drive again, but their last two games have been neck and neck battles with their frenemies on Tight Ends in Motion.  What would Mike Thomas's QB Ranking be if he'd scored on that last drive and won the game?  We're kind of glad we don't need to figure that out right now actually, because that'd be a tough decision.

 

#7 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Beat the Notorious BNB 33-22, beat XTC 39-36

 

Dylan Jaloza surges to his highest Power Ranking ever on the back of his double win over Notorious BNB and XTC.  We felt like TopShot was too good for D3 last session (although they didn't win it) but the fact that they're still undefeated in D2 without Chris Nelson is admittedly a little surprising to us.  The Jewish Prince makes plays when it counts (that's his jersey name, not our nickname...) and TopShot is already thinking about D1 next session.  But first... undefeated A&A is waiting for them next week in what could be the game of the week.

 

#8 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Lost to TopShot 33-22

 

Alex Buchlis drops one spot in the Power Rankings with his loss to undefeated TopShot this week.  The schedule makers didn't do Notorious BNB any favors this season with their first three opponents being a combined 9-2, but the players on this team have won a combined 600 championships before (give or take) so we suspect they'll be fine with making whatever adjustments are needed.

 

#9 Jeremy "Hogan" Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Lost to A&A 39-38, beat Bullet Club 41-26

 

Passed Our Prime already has one more win than all of last season, and frankly they could be 4-0 with a little more luck in two VERY close losses.  Hogan leads D2 and is second in the entire TSL in Points Per Game (43.0 PPG) and that's not driven by one good flukey week either, as Passed Our Prime has scored 38, 39, 41 and 54 in their four games to date.  Their defense is still terrible at 10th worst in the League, but that's actually an improvement from last session when they were dead last by a mile.

 

#10 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week:  Beat XTC 36-20, beat When Doves Cries 32-28

 

We thought it might be a fluke when Scared Hitless had the best point differential in D2 after one week, but beating XTC and When Dove Cries in the same week gives them a huge boost of credibility.  Sure, the combined age of their opposing QBs was well over 90 (not an exaggeration) but those are some good, smart defenses, and Dylan dropped more than 30 points against each of them.  It's a good thing the League didn't let these guys register for D3, because Scared Hitless is currently undefeated in D2 and showing not only that they belong, but that they're real contenders for a championship this season.

 

#11 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Lost to TopShot 39-36, lost to Scared Hitless 36-20

 

XTC are 0-4 and they've lost those games by 1, 3, 3 and 16 points.  Other than their Scared Hitless matchup they've been in every game, but they keep ending up on the losing side.  If A&A is finding ways to win close games, XTC is finding ways to lose them.  XTC is third in their division in offense and dead last in defense so don't blame Dubey - it's tough to win when you're giving up 42.5 PPG.  

 

#12 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Beat Untouchaballs 42-40

 

A tie and a two-point win doesn't sound like a dominant start to the season for Frodo Swaggins, but they're STILL undefeated after a 42-40 victory over Untouchaballs this week, and Garrett looks fantastic.  We're not ready to label them as favorites for the D3 title yet (for all the good that did TopShot last season) but there will likely never be a game this season where we bet against Frodo.

 

#13 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 36-28, lost to Scared Hitless 32-28

 

Was that Tim Dove playing for When Dove Cries this week?  Team Topper goes 1-1 this week with a win over a struggling Bullet Club and a loss against (apparent) juggernaut Scared Hitless.  WDC was a D2 finalist last session, but we wonder what the Godfather would give their odds of making it back to the Finals this session.  The fact that Topper's only throwing for one team this season has to help his aging arm.

 

#14 Seth Molisani - Slob Kabombs / Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 45-19, tied Itches and Ohs 46-46

 

Seth's teams' combined D1/D4 record thus far this season is an uninspiring 2-2-1 but if you stop to watch his games you will always be blown by an amazing throw or two (not to mention his relentless scrambling that forces teams to rush a guy against him).  The scheduling gods (aka Topper) were unkind to Seth by starting Slob Kabombs against Public Enemy and Tight Ends in Motion where they have predictably gone 0-2.  Buffalo Vice on the other hand is still undefeated so at least THAT is going well.  D1 record aside, Seth is a game changing QB who makes defenses adjust to his ridiculous skillset.  If he pulls off a high profile upset or two, he'll be in the Top Ten in no time.

 

#15 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Beat Super Freaks 47-27

 

Grey Hair - Don't Care are currently only fifth in offensive PPG in D3, BUT they're sitting on top of the division standings with a 3-0 record so they have to be happy about that.  Eickhoff hasn't cracked our Top Ten in the past 26 weeks of Power Rankings stretching back to Spring of 2019, but we've got a good feeling about him this session.  Of course, his three opponents so far have been a combined 2-7, so we'll have to see how he does against slightly better competition before we start planning his D3 victory parade.

 

**

 

But enough about quarterbacking - let's do another obnoxious ranking that's going to make even MORE people feel slighted.

 

Below are the Top Ten Angry Buffalo Bar Legends.  What does this mean?  It's not a list of the "biggest drunks" in the TSL (although plenty of those are on the list too), but these are mainstays at the bar that make the off-field experience in our League as great as it is.  Kind of like a "Best at Bar" but for individuals, instead of teams.  

 

This is insanely subjective, so we're all over the place with these votes.  Some of these are newer to the League but have already made a big impact.  Most of these are active players, but there were a couple currently inactive legends we just had to throw on the list as well.

 

Apologies to Dorene Major, Trish Esposito, Matt Newman, B's Brother and of course Eric Kleckler (Destroyer of Plants) who received votes but aren't shown below.

 

 

HOW DARE WE LEAVE OUT THIS GUY OR THAT GIRL?!?!  Yeah, we know.  But that's our list!  Don't like it?  Complain at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  Or wait until next week when we do our Male Receiver Rankings... that'll REALLY give you something to complain about.

 

****

 

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  kicking a plant isn't a solid criteria for selection as a potential Bar Legend?  no one should be ahead of Topper on his OWN LEAGUE'S bar legend rankings?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

Week 4 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 16 September 2021 21:08

Published: Thursday, 16 September 2021 21:08

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 11705

 

Hello and welcome back to your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  Although these days, it seems like we're "power ranking" just about everything.

 

Remember how much you loved our Female Receiver Rankings a couple weeks ago, and how you all agreed that list was perfect exactly as is?  Well you are in LUCK this week, as we're finally doing the long-teased-but-never-delivered Male Receiver Power Rankings.  Did you make the list??? (Spoiler alert: probably not)

 

But first, as always, your Week Four TSL Quarterback Power Rankings:

 

 

 

#1 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Eyes Downtown 30-28

 

Tight Ends in Motion remain undefeated with their star QB present, as they narrowly escaped a potential loss to Eyes Downtown by 2 points this week.  Eyes Downtown was actually the last team to beat Bro, wayyyy back on May 15th last session, the only loss TEIM took that season.  These guys are pretty good at football.  When do they play Public Enemy again?  THIS SATURDAY, you say?  Should be a good one - Bro's #1 Ranking probably depends on it.

 

#2 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 55-48

 

Last week we wrote "Public Enemy leads the TSL in points per game after three weeks, still riding the coattails of their dominant 53-point week one performance."  Well, they played their second game of the season against Losing Streak this week and somehow INCREASED their points per game to a League-leading 54.0 PPG... without the help of Osika, Paulie J or Jake Maryniewski.  It's almost like Cole is extra motivated to win this session for some reason...

 

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 30-28

 

Eyes Downtown were just a few points away from beating the defending Champs this week... it doesn't feel fair to knock Bobby down a spot in the Rankings this week, but Cole is scoring a billion points a week and he's still undefeated, so what choice did we have?  Every session we're hearing about how Eyes Downtown is remaking their roster and cycling through new people (that's the narrative anyway) but does it matter when they have Bobby?  They'll be contenders in every game, every time.

 

#4 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Lost to Public Enemy 55-48 (Losing Streak), lost to TMA 48-28 (Victorious Secret)

 

No, Jordan is not dropping in the rankings for losing to Public Enemy.  Stop it.  He scored 48 points, which is still pretty great even considering all the defensive talent P.E. was missing (Cole is never going to make our inevitable "Best Male Defenders" Ranking, but he's still better than you think).  Losing Streak will be fine.  Victorious Secret ALSO had a tough draw this week against D4 team TMA (at least, that's the division we keep hearing they SHOULD have entered).  They, too, will be fine.

 

#5 Matty "Ice" Ditullio - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat TopShot 33-29 (A&A), beat Frodo Swaggins 33-18 (The Angels)

 

The highest ranked QB outside of D1 REMAINS the highest ranked QB outside of D1 this week with wins in both D2 and D3.  A&A are the only 5-0 team in the League, which means they also have the longest active winning streak in the TSL (no division champs from last session remain undefeated).  Once again it was a close game as A&A has won all five games this session by an average margin of victory of 3.6 PPG.  Amazing.  Oh and Frodo Swaggins was undefeated before the Angels smacked them around this week, so that's a pretty big win too.

 

#6 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Lost to Slob Kabombs 26-25

 

The Sticky Bandits started last season 0-2 and were outscored by 65 points.  This season they're 0-2 and have been outscored by only 8.  Improvement?  Sure.  Mike continues to play well for Sticky Nation, but surely he was hoping to be at least 1-1 at this point in the season.  Next week is a double header against the #3 and #4 QBs in the League - win both, and the Sticky Bandits are right back in the thick of things.  Winning even one would be a move in the right direction.

 

#7 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Lost to A&A 33-29

 

TopShot dropped what could be a D2 Finals preview to A&A this week in an unsurprisingly close game.  We don't hear Dylan's name mentioned enough in conversations about the League's top QBs.  Why is that?  It's not a fluke he's #7 in our Power Rankings right now, the guy can play.  No, he does not drop in the Rankings this week for losing to Matty Ice.  And yes, he remains the highest ranked Dylan in D2.

 

#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Beat Notorious BNB 30-20

 

The "other" Dylan is really shooting up the Power Rankings this session as he's guided the greatest female receiving corps this side of Tight Ends in Motion to an undefeated record at mid-season.  Scared Hitless is the surprise team of the season (there's always one...) and Dylan has to be glad they stayed in D2 this session.  If some combination of A&A, TopShot and Scared Hitless isn't playing for the D2 championship this season, it'll be a major upset.

 

#9 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Lost to Scared Hitless 30-20

 

Notorious BNB dropped to 1-4 on the season, but Buchlis didn't QB the bigger loss of the day against When Dove Cries.  Uh, at least not THIS Buchlis, as Alex's brother came out of retirement to throw for BNB against Team Topper this week.  Alex apparently did QB the second game of the day though, losing to still undefeated Scared Hitless.  Seems like he could have used his #1 receiver Dave Baker, who was playing on the next field for Tight Ends in Motion.  

 

#10 Jeremy "Hogan" Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No game this week.  Hogan drops a spot in the Rankings... even though he's still #2 in the TSL in scoring at 43.0 PPG.  How is that fair?

 

#11 Seth Molisani - Slob Kabombs / Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 26-25 (Slob Kabombs)

 

Seth Molisani led Slob Kabombs to their first D1 win this season, taking down the Sticky Bandits by a single point.  Didn't we say it was only a matter of time until Seth was in the Top Ten?  He's knocking on the door to Elite QB status already.  Oh and Buffalo Vice scored 46 points in his absence with Frank Pizza at QB... Seth, Frank, Andy, it feels like nothing can stop those guys from scoring points.  Dan Gonzalez for D4 MVP?

 

#12 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Beat Notorious BNB 51-16

 

A dominant showing from Topper this week as he dropped 51 points on the Notorious BNB (against their backup QB of course).  Yes, his defense helped him out a ton with great field position all day, but that's why he surrounds himself with amazing talent - to hide his shortcomings as a QB.  The Commish also stepped in for Lenny's Ladies this week and won a 45-44 thriller against Graves Bros.  All in all a pretty good day for the man in charge.

 

#13 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 32-18

 

XTC finally wins a game and we reward Dubey by dropping him two spots in the Power Rankings.  Look: Topper's win was bigger, and Seth won in D1; that's why they passed Dubey, and it's that simple.  XTC is 1-4 but they're only -9 in total point differential.  Crazy to think that they're only 27 net points behind A&A, who are 5-0.  We wouldn't be surprised to see these guys win a playoff game and make it to the D2 semifinals.  We WOULD be a little surprised if they went further than that.

 

#14 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Lost to the Angels 33-18

 

And just like that, Frodo Swaggins is no longer undefeated.  Tough loss to the Angels - they're a VERY talented squad it goes without saying, but aren't their wins usually shoot-outs?  We're a little surprised Garrett was only able to put 18 points on the board against them.  The Sentinel observed that his receivers had several drops which surely didn't help their cause.  Let's see how Frodo rebounds next week against Grey Hair - Don't Care.  Oh, and Garrett won a game against Show Me Dem TDs while subbing at QB for Cobblestone, so the day wasn't a complete loss.

 

#15 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club / 4th & Dong - (Previous Rank #16)

Last Week:  Lost to XTC 32-18 (Bullet Club), beat Last Dance 38-30 (4th & Dong)

 

Winless in D2.  Undefeated in D3.  That's Scotty for you.  (That was, unintentionally, a perfect Haiku, so you're welcome for the gift of free poetry).  It's a tale of two teams right now for Scotty as 4th & Dong are fourth in the TSL in scoring (40.5 PPG) and Bullet Club are fourth LAST in the TSL in scoring (20.6 PPG).  We can't explain it, but we'd be happy to let Scotty himself weigh in on his greatness/terribleness if he'd like.  

 

#16 Jeremy Burr - The Untouchaballs - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 34-14

 

Apparently Burr is a great quarterback now?  Who knew?  The Untouchaballs are 3-2 after beating Grey Hair - Don't Care convincingly this week, and the Untouchaballs are third in D3 in scoring.  It looks like their next scheduled game isn't for two weeks, but it should be a good one with undefeated 4th & Dong waiting for them.

 

#17 Joey Batts - Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Beat Practice Squad 43-26

 

Look, clearly Joey Batts is better than the 17th best QB in the TSL.  The man has been in the Top Ten every week since we started Power Ranking until THIS season.  But he's only throwing in D4 now which we do factor into our Power Rankings.  It is what it is.  Having said that, Cunning Stunts are 4-0 right now and tied with 4th & Dong for fourth in the League for scoring (40.5 PPG) so no matter what division Joey throws in, it seems like he does alright.

 

#18 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week:  Lost to the Untouchaballs 34-14

 

Adding Corey and Molly will make Grey Hair - Don't Care a stronger team in the long run, but these things don't happen overnight.  GHDC dropped their first game with their new teammates to the Untouchaballs and reminded us why it's always so challenging to rank Eickhoff - he looks incredible one day and then struggles to maintain that consistency the next.  Grey Hair is currently 7th in their division in offense and 2nd in defense which is why they're sitting at 3-1 today, but if they want to make a deep playoff run they'll probably need more from their offense.

 

#19 Travis Cleveanger - Breast Friends - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Beat GUCCI 52-36

 

See: Joey Batts.  Another QB who we're going to struggle to rank because his only team is playing in D4.  Travis's numbers aren't quite as good as Joey's (seventh in the TSL in scoring at 39.75 PPG and 2-2 record) but his team isn't nearly as established as the Stunts either, so presumably they're still getting better.  If this week's 52-36 win over GUCCI in the "gender team vs gender QB" battle was any sign, Breast Friends are on the right track.

 

#20 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Darryl didn't play this week, but let's take a second to point out that Cobblestone is 3-2 and tied for fourth in D3 (no matter what the Standings page says) after moving up a division this season.  Not bad Mr. Carr, not bad.

 

**

 

Male Receiver Power Rankings

 

Did you read ANY of the above about the QBs, or did you just skip straight ahead to see the Male Receiver Power Rankings?  We don't blame you if you did - it's exciting stuff!

 

A few ground rules first, much like the female receiver rankings a couple weeks ago:

• This isn't an "overall male player" ranking, this is a receiver only ranking.  Play great defense but you have shaky hands?  You didn't make this list.  You're a great QB also and you think your versatility should give you an edge in these Rankings?  It didn't.  We are evaluating receiver skills only.  Nothing else.
• The Committee voted on this list based on what we know about each receiver and his abilities today.  It is NOT intended to be a lifetime achievement award (you were great ten years ago?  cool story, but you didn't make the list) and it is NOT intended to be purely a "who's done the best so far four weeks into this season" ranking either (you have ten TDs through four weeks but you were ineffective for three years before that?  you didn't make the list).  In a sense it's just like the QB Rankings we do every week, in that we're trying to capture who we feel is really "the best" if you needed a guy tomorrow to help you win a big game.
• A player's worth as a receiver is not based SOLELY on one factor.  This isn't just speed.  This isn't just hands.  This isn't just route running or physicality or high football IQ.  It's all of those things and how each player puts them together.
• If a player is not active right now, he did not make the list.  Derrick Bloomfield, Dean Thompson, Andy Smith... none of these players make the list.  Micah Hanford for example received a couple votes, but we deemed him a "part timer" and excluded him from the Rankings.

A couple weeks ago we noted that this was INTENDED to be a fun exercise to shine the spotlight on some of the best female players in the TSL and not INTENDED to imply that any girls suck because they didn't make a list of the Top Ten Female receivers in the League.  

 

And yet people always find some kind of insult in their exclusion, or how high on the list they are.  

 

Do you think we sat around a room, specifically mentioned YOUR name, and then we laughed and laughed and laughed and agreed that you shouldn't be ranked higher because you suck?  

 

That's not how it went.  

 

We had members of the QB Committee each submit their Male Receiver rankings in order, and compiled it from there based on who appeared on multiple lists and how high they appeared on each.  There are twice as many male receivers in the TSL as female receivers, so for this list we're doing a Top Twenty.  

 

Think about that for a second - there are maybe 5-6 male receivers per team, times 45 non-gender teams, minus some people on more than one team.  That's MAYBE 240 male receivers in the League, and we're highlighting only the Top Twenty... the best 8% in the League.  You think you're in the Top 8%?  Most people aren't great with numbers, so let's put that in perspective: if we only showed the Top 8% of the League in our QB Power Rankings, it would be Bro Klecker, Chris Cole and Bobby McConnell.  That's it.  Top 8% is the elite of the elite.

 

So yeah, WE don't think it's terribly insulting if you didn't make this list, but hey, you're free to feel any way you want about it.  Go tell your buddies you got robbed and you're better than all these guys.  One or two of you might even be right.

 

Let's start with a few honorable mentions that received multiple votes but ultimately missed our Top Twenty.  Apologies of course if we butcher the spelling of your name.  In alphabetical (not Ranked!) order:

• Jon Allen
• Jeremy Burr
• Adrian Cannon*
• James Celotto
• Travis Cleveanger
• Anthony Deak
• "Stoner" Dave Gdaniec*
• Matt Helm
• Zach Newberry
• Greg Osika
• Mike Rawdin
• Jonny Yioulos

Now... on to the Male Receiver Power Rankings!  For added drama, we'll count down from 20th to 1st on this one.

 

20th: Kevin Zack* - Sticky Bandits

 

Kevin has insane quickness, veteran awareness of how and where to get open on every play, and an all-out effort that no in the League can beat.  He's won more championships in the TSL than we can count, and he seems to somehow be getting faster every year.  Kevin is a matchup nightmare for defenses with his speed and route running, especially in the end zone.

 

*TSL QB Power Rankings Committee Note: There was actually a three way tie for 20th place between Kevin Zack, Stoner Dave (Tight Ends in Motion) and Adrian Cannon (TopShot/Sticky Bandits), but Kevin gets the final spot because he appeared on the most ballots.

 

19th: Nick Wendt - Tight Ends in Motion

 

Nick would be higher on this list if we included his incredible defensive contributions as well, but as a pure receiver he's still good for 19th in the TSL.  Fast, smart, tough, and a natural playmaker, Nick is the total package, and he's also one of the nicest guys in the League too (although that didn't really help his Receiver Ranking).

 

18th: Garrett Beesing - the Notorious BNB

 

Garrett is transitioning to quarterbacking for Frodo Swaggins these days but don't let that fool you, he's still an absolutely elite wide receiver for Notorious BNB as well.  He's a perfect combination of size and speed and athleticism, and we've lost track of how many "that should have been impossible to catch" receptions he's made over the years.  

 

17th: Eric Delecki - Eyes Downtown

 

Delecki has been playing as long as most of us can remember, and he's a former D1 MVP candidate as well (we don't remember if we won it?).  His football IQ is off the charts and the guy is constantly finding ways to get open.  If the ball is thrown anywhere in his vicinity, he'll find a way to get there and get his feet in bounds.  

 

16th: Dan Gonzalez - Buffalo Vice

 

Dan doesn't get as much recognition as the others on this list because he plays for Buffalo Vice in D4, but they're another team that always puts up huge points, and more often than not it seems like it's just Dan outrunning the field to catch insane deep bombs.  When every one of our voters independently picks the same guy playing in the fourth Division, you know he must be pretty good.

 

15th: Todd Halas - Bullet Club

 

Todd was once described by his quarterback as "looks like a giant bag of dicks, but man he can actually play".  We don't know about the first part, but the second part is very true.  Todd has made a long career of getting open and making spectacular catches with a range that defenders somehow always underestimate.  He's as reliable as it gets for Bullet Club.

 

14th: Paul Johnson - Public Enemy

 

Paul Johnson is the model of consistency, and he's been one of the most precise route runners in the League for approximately forever.  His abilities in every facet of the game make it nearly impossible to cover him, and he's been one of the most reliable weapons over the years for the multi-time champions Public Enemy.

 

13th: Pete Nguyen - Public Enemy

 

If Paul is the model of consistency, his new teammate Pete is the model of explosive potential.  One of the top freak athletes in the TSL, Pete's upside is second to none.  Phenomenal speed, quickness and playmaking abilities.  The rich got richer when Public Enemy added "Asian Pete" to their team this session.

 

12th: Brian Stevens - Sticky Bandits

 

Brian Stevens has been the Sticky Bandits' top playmaker over the past few years and is another athlete who could be even higher on this list if we factored in defense.  He can run literally any route needed, he's consistent, and he'll fight for every ball that's thrown in his vicinity.  Brian is what happens when natural talent meets maximum effort.

 

11th: Ben Stack - Slob Kabombs

 

There are a lot of "fast" guys on this list, but there's a difference between fast and quick, and Ben Stack is both.  No one accelerates out of a sharp cut to full speed as quickly as Ben, and he's a nightmare to cover.  Every route is 100% speed and effort, and if he ever gets tired, we've never seen it.

 

10th: Andy Smigiera- Slob Kabombs

 

Andy Smigiera is a name that surely some readers don't know about yet, but if they stick around and watch a Slob Kabombs game, they'll leave asking who THAT guy was.  He's an insane talent: fast, great route running, doesn't drop a ball.  He looks like a pro playing against children out there.  Andy could be higher on this list if he played more often.

 

9th: Jordan Neidig - Eyes Downtown

 

Jordan is newer to the Topper Sports League but his football abilities are obvious as soon as the ball is snapped.  He's a huge deep threat for Eyes Downtown with a dangerous mix of speed, height and a ridiculous vertical.  We're told he has a college football background, which doesn't surprise us at all.  Great athlete, nice guy.

 

8th: Dave Baker - Tight Ends in Motion, Notorious BNB

 

The ultimate savvy veteran who has somehow gotten better with age.  Dave Baker isn't the tallest or fastest receiver on this list, but we feel pretty confident in saying he's the smartest.  Nobody has a knack for getting open like Dave, especially in the end zone.  He sees the field like a quarterback and always knows what spots to attack. 

 

7th: Ralph Finney - Losing Streak

 

Ralph doesn't say much at the fields because he doesn't have to - he's one of the few athletes that just lets his play do all the talking for him.  He may be one of the most well rounded wide receivers that you don't know about yet: size, speed, football IQ, athleticism, it's all there.  Chris Nelson is the bigger "name" on Losing Streak, but if you don't know who Ralph is too, you should.

 

6th: Keyon Elias - Passed Our Prime

 

Keyon was dominant for a bad (well, "absent" is probably a better word) Passed Our Prime in D2 last session, and if you haven't seen him play then you've definitely missed some highlight reel catches.  He's fast enough to blow the top off a defense and he's got great hands.  Passed Our Prime has been right at the top of the League in scoring both last session and this session, and the Hogan-to-Keyon connection is a big reason why.

 

5th: Drew Colosimo - When Dove Cries, Sticky Bandits

 

Who do you think has made Topper look so good (okay, "mediocre" is probably a better word) all these years?  Drew has the speed, crisp route running and the hands to make contested catches.  Universally respected by teammates and opponents alike, Drew was named on all of our ballots.

 

4th: Sean Weisensal - TopShot

 

One of the best pure athletes in the TSL, Sean is one of those unstoppable athletes that you're probably not able to cover in the first place, but will STILL make plays even if you're in perfect position against him.  Fast and physical, Sean makes any team he's on an immediate contender, from Freeballers (last season's D4 champs) to Eyes Downtown (last season's nearly D1 Finalists) to TopShot (this season's upper level D2 contender).

 

3rd: Derek Bongiovanni - Tight Ends in Motion

 

Tall and FAST and great hands.  Derek doesn't run EVERY type of route, but the ones he does are spectacular.  If he gets behind you, forget about it, the guy is scoring a touchdown and you're not going to stop him.  The D1 Champs' ultimate "break glass in case of emergency" plan, Derek always gives Tight Ends the upper hand on 6th downs.

 

2nd: Chris Nelson - Losing Streak

 

You knew he'd be right near the top of this list.  Chris Nelson is maybe the most dangerous receiver in the TSL.  His speed, quickness and catch radius make him about impossible to cover.  Just the ultimate athlete, with debatably the best physical skillset in the League.  If you were drafting a team for the next ten years, Chris would be the #1 pick.

 

1st: Mike Boccio - Public Enemy

 

The best receiver in the League.  Boccio was one of five men that appeared on every ballot (Chris Nelson, Derek Bongiovanni, Drew Colosimo and Ben Stack being the others, if you're curious) and he was right at or near the top of all of them.  The best player on the team with a million D1 championships shouldn't really be a surprise.  If you've played against him you know he's fast, smart, consistent, and just a playmaker.  We assume there will be SOME interest in him when Public Enemy retires and he becomes a free agent.

 

 

And those are the Top Twenty Male Receivers in the League!  You HATED it didn't you?  You thought you should have been higher, right?  SO insulting.  If you have any complaints, you can either send them to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it., OR you can just complain about how stupid we are at the bar on Saturday.  That's probably easier.  

 

***

 

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  we spelled your name wrong in the Receiver Rankings?  we didn't include a single receiver from TMA?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

Week 2 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Wednesday, 01 September 2021 19:35

Published: Wednesday, 01 September 2021 19:35

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 4448

 

 

Hello and welcome back to your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  It has been admittedly a slow start to the season as many top teams and their QBs have asked for bye weeks to start the Fall session.  Probably a combination of weddings, anticipation of the brutal heat, or in the case of Ben Stack just cancelling your team's game a couple hours before kickoff.  Either way, it's been difficult to assess QB play with such small sample sizes from the TSL's best passers; plus we barely even know who is throwing for certain teams yet, as many have only had one game.  

 

So this week we thought we'd do something a little different.

 

In addition to the QB Power Rankings (and we'll still start with those... it is the name of our article after all) we're also going to present the long awaited, always-teased-but-never-delivered Female Receiver Rankings.  Yes, feelings will be hurt, angry emails will be sent, and everyone will agree we did a terrible job, but that's the name of the game when you're in charge of rankings.  Get ready to get angry that we didn't pick the girls on your team!

 

With that said, let's start with the QB Rankings.

 

 

VERY little movement this week, and ironically the only two QBs in the Top Ten that rose or fell didn't even play this week!  Sounds suspect already.  Let's whip through this.

 

#1 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Congrats on your wedding Bro!  There might not be a nicer, more likeable guy in the TSL than Bro Kleckler, so make sure to congratulate him and his wife Kelly at the fields next time you see them.  The defending champs lost in his absence, but marriage is a pretty solid excuse.  Makes us wonder though, who's in charge of TEIM's schedule requests to NOT ask for a bye week on their QB's wedding day?  How did organizational skills like this win D1 last session?

 

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Bye week for the undefeated Bobby McConnell, and it looks like he'll have a bye again next week.  

 

#3 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Unexpected bye week (or is it a forfeit? it hasn't been marked as one on the website yet) for Public Enemy as Slob Kabombs cancelled the game early Saturday morning with attendance issues.  Cole still averaging 53 PPG after two weeks.

 

#4 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 32-26

 

Big week for Jordan as Losing Streak takes down the defending champs for their first D1 win.  No, it doesn't affect his Ranking because TEIM was missing Bro, Eric, Nick etc but still an impressive feat to beat ANY combination of Tight Ends.  Also: shame on us for not mentioning Victorious Secret last week when they beat Graves Bros 41-12 (they didn't play this week).  Dominant win for a gender team that struggled most of last session.  The path for Jordan moving up in the Power Rankings goes through the three men above him, and until he has a head-to-head win against the Big Three, he's kind of stuck at #4.

 

#5 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Another bye week for Sticky Nation, as they are one of only two teams not to play a game yet this session.

 

#6 Matty "Ice" Ditullio - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Beat XTC 41-38, beat When Dove Cries 39-30 (A&A), lost to Grey Hair - Don't Care 20-17 (The Angels)

 

A&A have a 3-0 record and Matty has the team averaging 39 PPG.  That sounds like a lot (and it is) but strangely it's only tied for fourth in the division offensively.  D2 has so much firepower this year, it's a credit to Matty and Co that they've started off this season so strong with three one-score wins.  The Angels are still waiting to taste their first win of the year unfortunately, but they're too absurdly talented to wait much longer for that.  Matty remains the highest ranked D2/D3 QB... for now.

 

#7 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 42-39

 

The Notorious BNB have been THE most exciting team to watch in the TSL so far this season, having played two games that were each settled on the very last play.  Alex is tied with Matty at 39 PPG, but his 1-1 record compared to A&A's 3-0 (plus the 1-point head to head loss from two weeks ago) has him a half step behind in the Power Rankings.  

 

#8 Jeremy "Hogan" Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Lost to The Notorious BNB 42-39

 

Apparently we should be calling him Hogan instead of Olsen, since that's what everyone else calls him.  Passed Our Prime dropped a close one to Notorious BNB on a semi-controversial "was it or wasn't it a TD" that would have won them the game on the last play.  Hogan's still #8 in our Power Rankings and yes, of COURSE he's still the highest scoring QB in D2 at 46.5 PPG.

 

#9 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No game for TopShot this week.  Dylan rises one spot in the Power Rankings for doing nothing.

 

#10 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

XTC played this week, but Dubey apparently bailed right before game time leaving Joey Batts to QB instead (XTC fell to A&A 41-38).  Dubey goes to #10 for his late absence.

 

**

 

But enough about quarterbacking - it's time for the first ever Female Receiver Power Rankings!

 

A few ground rules first:

 

• This isn't an "overall female player" ranking, this is a receiver only ranking.  Play great defense but you have shaky hands?  You didn't make this list.  You're a great gender QB when the team needs that emergency red zone 8 points?  You didn't make this list.  We are evaluating receiver skills only.  Nothing else.
• The Committee voted on this list based on what we know about each receiver and her abilities today.  It is NOT intended to be a lifetime achievement award (you were great ten years ago?  cool story, but you didn't make the list) and it is NOT intended to be purely a "who's done the best so far two weeks into this season" ranking either (you have five TDs through two weeks but you were ineffective for three years before that?  you didn't make the list).  In a sense it's just like the QB Rankings we do every week, in that we're trying to capture who we feel is really "the best" if you needed a girl tomorrow to help you win a big game.
• A player's worth as a receiver is not based SOLELY on one factor.  This isn't just speed.  This isn't just hands.  This isn't just route running or physicality or high football IQ.  It's all of those things and how each player puts them together.
• If a player is not active right now, she did not make the list.  Let's call this the "Katie Salisbury rule" (Katie would likely be our #1 right now if she were considered eligible).
• Also: this is INTENDED to be a fun exercise to shine the spotlight on some of the best female players in the TSL.  It is not INTENDED to imply that you or your teammates suck because they didn't make a list of the Top Ten Female receivers in the League.  There are 50 teams in the TSL. with at least three to four girls per team (ignore gender teams for a second, it's high level math).  That's about 150 girls in total.  If we snubbed you on our VERY subjective Top Ten, it's no "insult" intended.

 

We had four members of the QB Committee each submit their rankings (are there exactly four of us on the Committee, or are we saying only four of us voted?  we'll continue to be vague about the makeup of this group) and what was interesting was that exactly five girls made all four of our lists.  Guess what: they're going to be the Top Five girls on this list.  The other six were named on multiple lists but not ALL of them, so we feel like we've got a pretty good consensus here.  Yes, doing a "Top Eleven" instead of a Top Ten sounds weird, but there was a tie in our math and we didn't want to split hairs on who the last entry would be.

 

Let's start with a few honorable mentions that received multiple votes but ultimately missed our Top Ten.  Apologies of course if we butcher the spelling of your name.  In alphabetical (not Ranked!) order:

• Emily Belfield
• Heather Cepuchowski
• Brittany Clarke
• Misty Himes
• Caitlyn Mason
• Kellie Mazur
• Allie Metzger
• Rylee Moser
• Taylor Pagano
• Cat Peters
• Jen Stachura
• Laura Streeter
• Jackee Thompson

Now... on to the Female Receiver Power Rankings!  For added drama, we'll count down from 10th to 1st on this one.

 

10th-T: Lindsay Stoddard - Tight Ends in Motion, The Angels

Voters on our Committee all said the same thing - if she played more often, she might be a top five receiver on this list.  Maybe the most difficult female receiver in the League to defend in man coverage, Lindsay WILL get open, and she WILL make an incredible catch when she needs to.  Good luck covering her with another girl.

 

10th-T: Christine Krol - Sticky Bandits

The best female receiver on the Sticky Bandits, Christine might rank even higher if we factored in defensive ability.  She's got the speed to run sideline to sideline and the deep threat ability that so many QBs WISHED they had in a female receiver.  We feel confident saying that Sticky Nation wouldn't have made the climb to D1 without Christine.

 

9th: Jaimie Warren - Scared Hitless, Lenny's Ladies

Jaimie is part of one of the most stacked female rosters in the League with Scared Hitless, and a dominant playmaker for Lenny's Ladies as well.  A top tier athlete (and former TSL MVP) Jaimie runs incredible routes, can outmuscle guys on contested catches, and has an underrated vertical leap.  If you've played against her, you already know who she is.

 

8th: Amy Taylor - Losing Streak, The Notorious BNB

Teams will try to cover Amy with a male defender and still repeatedly fail at the task.  How do you stop perfect hands, smart route running and physical playmaking?  Not with a short defender apparently, because Amy will just catch it right over their head.  There are girls who might be faster than Amy, but not many can compete with how effective she is.

 

7th: Emily Curry - Tight Ends in Motion, The Angels

Fast AND quick, Emily Curry (Jaskier?) has a ridiculous catch window as she can pull in grounders or passes thrown too high.  Her routes are always very crisp and she has a knack for getting open on nearly every play.  Emily also has a great ability to recognize that a play is breaking down and adjust to help out her quarterback, which makes her one of the most valuable female receivers in the game.

 

6th: Margo Jablonski - The Angels

Margo has just about every trait you could want in a receiver: she's fast, she can make people miss, she runs great routes, she can improvise, she's tough and physical, she can catch just about anything... yeah, that's a pretty complete list.  Just an incredible talent that you wouldn't want to see across the field from you in a championship game.

 

5th: Brandy Clarke - When Doves Cries, Cunning Stunts

Brandy is a veteran of the League but somehow inexplicably still seems to improve every session.  Her route running is fantastic, she always seems to be open, and she ALWAYS seems to make the play when it's thrown her way. The first of five unanimous selections that every one of our voters chose for these Rankings.

 

4th: Cheryl Julicher - Public Enemy

Cheryl may go down as the GOAT whenever she retires (does she ride off into the sunset with Public Enemy?), and she has been the standard for years on what a top female can be in this League.  Her speed isn't elite, but she has great hands, she's tough as nails, gets open, and always makes the play that needs to be made.  There's a reason she's won so many D1 titles.

 

3rd: Melanie Linsmair - Scared Hitless, Untouchaballs

We would venture a guess that up to this point, you've probably heard of everyone on this list, but Melanie Linsmair is newer to the League and you may not be aware of her yet.  You'll learn the name soon, we promise.  "Sticky hands blonde chick" is just about unstoppable on offense and she is constantly finding ways to get open.  If she's ever dropped a pass, we haven't seen it. 

 

2nd: Katie Keller - XTC, 4th and Dong

You already know who she is.  Katie gets open, she makes people miss.  She can catch a ball while defenders are absolutely hacking at her arms.  She gives you 50 minutes of competitive effort every game, and there never seems to be any "look at me" or bragging to her game... she just moves from one great play to the next like it's all business.  

 

1st: Robin Makula - Tight Ends in Motion, The Angels

Robin is, at this moment, the best female receiver in the TSL.  There's no one more more clutch, more focused and intense when the game is on the line, and more athletically gifted than Robin.  She's also an incredibly smart player who seems to learn from mistakes and constantly adapt to improve.  There isn't a team in the TSL that wouldn't immediately improve by adding Robin Makula.  Oh, and it looks like Tight Ends in Motion officially has three girls in the Top Ten... NOT including a recovering Katie Salisbury.  Solid team.  We think they'll win some games.

 

 

So you've finished reading our Female Receiver Rankings and our guess is that right now you have one of two complaints about it: we either didn't mention you or your teammate at ALL ("what an outrage! this is bullshit!")... or we did mention you or your teammate, but didn't rank them as highly as they "deserve".  Here's what you can do about it: write us an email at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and whine about what a terrible job we did.  But keep in mind - we're happy to hear arguments for how great a player is... but not at the expense of one of the women who are listed above.  So don't come at us with "Jenny Smith is way better than Brandy Clarke!" because we will write you back on essay on why NO, she is not.

 

 

***

 

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you want female defensive player rankings too?  you think we did Dubey dirty by docking him a spot in the Rankings for not showing up last week?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?