Week 3 Power Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 13 May 2021 21:13

Published: Thursday, 13 May 2021 21:13

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 4286

"Championships are won by teams who love one another, who enjoy and respect one another and play for and support one another.” – Tom Coughlin

Hello and welcome back to your definitive, unquestionable, undisputed Quarterback Power Rankings!  In some weeks, building the QB Rankings are easier than others for our Committee.  Cole at the top, Bobby, Matty, Joey, Newman, all the usual faces, and the order sort of works itself out nicely.  Other weeks are a lot messier... and that's where we find ourselves right now.  It's hard enough when D2 is loaded with SO much talent that each QB can make a credible claim that they should be higher on our list... but to sort through our D2 Power Rankings nightmare while ALSO expanding to a Top Twenty this week (yes, we'll be covering even more of you this week), well, that's a real headache.

So let's get right to it.  Here are the Week Three TSL QB Power Rankings:

The top three are still the top three, but not in the same order...

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Eyes Downtown 34-28

The highest ranked Quarterback in WNY Touch Football has beaten the (previously) second highest ranked Quarterback in WNY Touch Football in a one-score game.  What did we learn from this?  Probably nothing we didn't already know.  Bobby became the first QB to drop 20+ points against the Public Enemy defense this season, and yet he still got outscored by the Champs.  Public Enemy is still undefeated, and Cole still gets to run his mouth about how great he is.  This was the first meeting of the "Big Three" QBs and their teams this season, and we still don't have anything resembling an upset win in D1 yet.  Public Enemy enters their bye week undefeated, which means there is approximately a 0% chance that Cole drops a spot NEXT week either.  

#2 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Sloppy Seconds 52-20

Tight Ends in Motion could not have imagined a better start to their season.  Still undefeated, still the #1 offense in the TSL, still the #1 defense in the TSL, and still (obviously) the #1 point differential in the TSL, all while playing in D1.  In fact let's pause to look at their dominance graphically:

There are only ten teams in the League as of this moment that are winning by an average of 10.0+ PPG, as shown above.  Tight Ends is a full 11.3 PPG better than the next closest team.  We don't expect this will last: their next two opponents are Eyes Downtown and Public Enemy, who are ALSO on the chart above.  But hey, worth appreciating while it lasts.  Bro's 52 point effort combined with Bobby's loss to Public Enemy (and his near loss to the same team that Bro dominated this week) is enough to push Bro Kleckler into the #2 ranking.

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Lost to Public Enemy 34-28, beat Sloppy Seconds 43-40

A "glass half full" argument would say that Bobby was only 7 points away from beating the defending Champs and extending his record to 4-0 in D1.  A "glass half empty" argument would say that Bobby was only 4 points away from losing to Sloppy Seconds, and needed a huge second half comeback to catch up and avoid a 2-2 record.  Both are true of course, but that's football; any team is capable of winning just about any game... even if it has rarely felt that way in D1 this session.  As it is, Eyes Downtown is 3-1 with the second best offense in D1 and the 6th best offense in the entire TSL at 37.3 PPG.  Bobby is as "top tier" as it gets, and he'll get his chance to reclaim that #2 ranking next week IF he can take down Tight Ends in Motion and their #1 ranked... well, everything.

So there's your undisputed TSL Top Three.  After them, it gets really interesting, as we have half a dozen D2 QBs with great records and/or great stats and one overlooked D1 candidate.  We felt VERY strongly about #4, but after that... you could make an argument about any of the #5-#9 QBs in any order.  Here's how we ranked them...

#4 Matty Ice - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 32-6 (A&A), beat Vaspian 50-22 (The Angels)

Easy #4 here.  A&A is the only D2 team to have won every game this session (only one touchdown shy of leading their division for best offense) and the Angels are ALSO undefeated in D3 with the best offense in THAT division (second best in all of the TSL at less than 1 PPG behind Tight Ends in Motion).  Matty is 5-0 as a starter this session and showing no rust from his year off.  If both teams win championships (we're getting WAY ahead of ourselves here) will Matty move A&A up to D1 and Matty's Angels up to D2?  Odds are against ALL of that of course, but we can dream.

#5 Joey Batts - Mountain Dew Me / Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Lost to Peachy Platoon 32-25 (Mountain Dew Me), beat Woodpeckers 43-15 (Cunning Stunts)

Mountain Dew Me has a .500 record and is ranked fourth in D2 in PPG (behind two QBs lower than him in these rankings); that would be the argument for why Joey is too high in the Rankings.  Cunning Stunts are undefeated and tied for the third best offense in the entire TSL (43.7 PPG); that, along with the fact that Mountain Dew Me has been very competitive in D2, would be the argument for why Joey deserves to be this high in the Rankings.  Plus, you know... we've watched him play.  He's really good at this game.  The Mountain Dew Me vs When Dove Cries game should be a classic next week:  just two savvy, aging veteran QBs (with approximately the same running speed these days) doing battle for D2 supremacy.  You won't want to miss it!

#6 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Lost to When Dove Cries 23-22

Bullet Club is no longer undefeated, but Scotty's ranking doesn't change this week.  He's still the highest scoring QB in D2 (barely) at 34.7 PPG, and a one-point loss to STILL undefeated When Dove Cries isn't enough to sink this ship yet.  Bullet Club has the 7th ranked defense in their division at this point in the season, and the only three teams with worse defenses are a combined 0-8.  The fact that B.C. is a point away from being undefeated is a testament to their offense, and that's our justification for keeping Scotty at #6 this week.

#7 Dean Thompson - Peachy Platoon - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Beat XTC 46-34, beat Mountain Dew Me 32-25

This is why we try not to overreact to Week One losses in our Power Rankings.  Since dropping their opener to Losing Streak, Peachy Platoon is 3-0-1 and scoring 37.3 PPG, which would be best in their division.  If we include that opening loss (which of course, we do) the Platoon is second only to Bullet Club, by a single point.  No, not a single point per game, a single point TOTAL.  Come on.  If you've SEEN Dean play QB before, you knew it was only a matter of time before he surged back into the Top Ten; this is one of the best athletes in the League.  Top Five is next...

#8 Alex Buchlis - Sloppy Seconds - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 52-20, lost to Eyes Downtown 43-40

Buchlis being the only 0-4 QB in our Top Twenty this week is bound to annoy some quarterbacks who think they deserve his spot, especially given how much importance wins and losses are typically given in these Rankings.  Having said that, of the four games Sloppy Seconds have played this year, one has been against the #1 ranked QB, one has been against the #2 ranked QB, and TWO have been against the #3 ranked QB.  No, Topper did NOT do these guys any favors with the scheduling.  All Buchlis has done during that stretch is scored 19 against the Champs, 20 against TEIM (more than their other two opponents combined) and 21 then 40 against Eyes Downtown in their two matchups, nearly winning the second.  Is there a single quarterback below the #8 spot that would be better than 0-4 against this schedule?

#9 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries / TOX - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 23-22

Remember when the 2011 Denver Broncos put in a TERRIBLE Tim Tebow and somehow ripped off six wins in a row to shock the world?  We feel like we're seeing it again with When Dove Cries in the TSL.  After their resounding win over a "still struggling in D2" Scared Hitless, Team Topper has tied Peachy Platoon, beaten Losing Streak by 3, and beaten Bullet Club by 1.  When Dove Cries is the 5th ranked offense in their division and the 2nd ranked defense which is why we don't have Topper higher in our rankings, but he's making every play when it counts and turning back the clock to Fall of 2019 when he and Matty and Dean dominated D2.  Look at the standings now, and it's the same three QBs on top of the standings.  Pretty impressive for an elderly athlete, we think.

#10 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #16)

Last Week:  Beat All We Do is Quinn 41-34

Frodo Swaggins lost Scotty Dro in free agency to Bullet Club and captain Garrett Beesing took over at QB.  This really felt like a "take a step backwards" season for Frodo... and yet they're undefeated with the fifth highest scoring team in the entire TSL (third highest if we exclude the top gender teams).  Wow.  They're not just beating bad teams either, as their latest win comes against D3 powerhouse All We Do is Quinn.  When was the last time those guys lost a regular season game?  Garrett Beesing, you have our attention, and you are officially one of the ten best quarterbacks in the TSL (at least, for now).  As we said last week for Vince, it's hard for a D3 team to climb much higher than 9th or 10th... but wouldn't it be amazing if he could catch #6 Scotty Drosendahl?  Not impossible...

So there's your Top Ten for the week.  We always try to expand throughout the season to give coverage to more and more of our players, so this week we've expanded to a Top Twenty.  This makes some people happy ("yay, they're talking about my team!") and some people very unhappy ("I'm not even top TWENTY?  I just assumed I was 11th!").  Don't like where you're ranked (or unranked)?  Write us an email and complain.  All we ask is that you don't try to justify why your QB should be higher than someone in a higher division, because that argument always goes the exact same way ("yes, you're doing very well, but you DO realize that defenses are a lot harder in higher divisions, right?").  With that said, let's take a look at QB's #11-#20.

#11 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Lost to Frodo Swaggins 41-34

Vince has been in our Top Ten for 19 consecutive weeks dating back to Week Six of the Spring 2019 season nearly two full years ago.  All good things must come to an end.  There was only room for one D3 QB in the Top Ten this week, and Garrett has a better record, better stats (5.0 PPG higher than Quinn's) and now a head to head win against AWDIQ.  No contest there.  We imagine Vince will bounce back quickly; anyone who has watched this team play knows how valuable a player he is.  D3 appears harder than ever this season though, so it might be a bumpier road to the playoffs than Quinn is used to.  The Angels and TopShot both look pretty legit, and with Frodo taking a big step forward this session, Quinn can't expect to dominate like they usually do.

#12 Matt Newman - Slytherin that end zone - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 31-7

Speaking of long Top Ten streaks recently broken, Newman's own 18 week streak (dating back a week BEFORE Vince's began) was broken at the start of this season when he missed the opener against A&A.  That wasn't punishment for missing a game (we try not to do that unless someone's attendance is REALLY bad), it was more a reflection of other great quarterbacks who have shined lately.  But Newman isn't going anywhere and has SITE back on track with a big win over Scared Hitless this week.  A&A is back, the "real" Peachy Platoon is back, and Topper seems to be back as well (for now) but none of these teams were 5 points away from winning the last D2 finals.  Slytherin was, and Newman's 1-0 start should remind other D2 teams that there's another serious contender in this already packed division.

#13 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Lost to Peachy Platoon 46-34

Falling six spots this week is Dubey who played well in a losing effort against Peachy Platoon this week.  The Dilfs breakup has been hard for XTC apparently, as they're off to an 0-3 start this season.  Dubey will try to right the ship against Scared Hitless this week, which is essentially a must-win game for both teams.  Whoever starts 0-4 is unlikely to make the playoffs in this brutal division.  We're betting on XTC as their offense has been much stronger so far, but Scared Hitless have surprised us before (no, we're still not over last season's D3 Finals).

#14 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  DNP (forfeit win over Why So Serious?)

What a tragic start to the Sticky Bandits season.  After getting outscored 71-6 in the first two games of the season against last year's D1 finalists, Sticky Nation had a very winnable opportunity against Why So Serious in Week Three.  Unfortunately no one showed up for WSS, and the Sticky Bandits' first ever D1 win came by forfeit.  That's good news for their spot in the standings... bad news if they wanted to actually play a competitive football game.  Thomas still has only one TD through three weeks and Sticky is the lowest scoring team in the League, but we imagine few teams would do much better with their only games against Public Enemy and Tight Ends in Motion (the single hardest two game start imaginable).  We still think Mike is a top QB in this League, but the schedule hasn't given him many opportunities to prove it yet.

#15 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Beat Wolfpack 46-14, beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 25-6

Dylan Jaloza was barely on our radar coming into this season despite QBing for one of the most talent stacked teams in D3 (any team with Chris Nelson should immediately be a contender).  The early results have been very strong though: TopShot is 3-0 with the 7th best offense in the League (5th best non-gender team) and they've scored only 7 fewer points than also undefeated Frodo Swaggins.  If Garrett's a Top Ten quarterback, and TopShot beats them this season... what does that make Dylan?  Impressive jump from D6 Tater Tots (is he still QBing there?  We hear he's part of a QB tandem?) to flirting with Top Ten status.  We've said it before and we'll say it many more times folks... the easiest path to shooting up the Power Rankings is to play in higher divisions (and win).

#16 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Lost to A&A 32-6 (Losing Streak), lost to Tater Tots 37-8 (Victorious Secret)

It was a rough week for Jordan's teams, who scored only 14 points over two losses.  But Losing Streak in particular had been doing better in previous weeks: they are still the only team to have beaten Peachy Platoon this session, and they HAD been averaging 35 PPG (which would have been best in D2 right now, if they hadn't run up against a brutal A&A defense this week).  The good news for Jordan is that Losing Streak started their schedule with games against the three best opponents in D2, so the schedule should get easier from here (as easy as any game can be in this division).  Next up is winless Passed Our Prime, quarterbacked by the next man on our Power Rankings

#17 Jeremy Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  DNP

Passed Our Prime had the week off so no updates on Olsen this week.  His incredibly successful Winter session team is off to a slow start this season as attendance issues have made it hard for him to compete with a full roster.  Every week the "where's Bloomfield?" questions get louder and louder, and if this team ever actually shows up, they're going to be hard to stop.

#18 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #21)

Last Week:  Beat Itches and Oh's 51-16

Buffalo Vice are the third highest scoring team in the TSL (tied with Cunning Stunts, the only team to have beaten them) at 43.7 PPG.  Andy's so consistent, and this team (be it "Vice" or "Solar Solutions") has always been successful when he plays.  They're ALSO the fifth best team in the TSL for total point differential per game right now, so they've got a defense that plays nearly as well as their offense, and that kind of balance makes them one of a few legit contenders for the D4 championship this season.  Expect a fairly large betting line for the Buffalo Vice vs TOX game this week.

#19 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad - (Previous Rank #22)

Last Week:  Beat Jabronies 31-28, beat Cobblestone 40-8

Other than a blowout loss to Buffalo Vice a couple weeks ago (and some losses to Mountain Dew Me in D5 last season... remember when these teams played in D5???) Practice Squad has been dominant, and they're 2-1 to start the Spring 2021 season as well.  B dismantled the veterans of Cobblestone by 32 points, and beat former Top Ten QB Joe Miano the same afternoon.  Expect another great season from Renee's squad and nothing but consistent excellence from B.

#20 Joe Miano - Jabronies - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Beat TOX 38-28, lost to Practice Squad 31-28

The Jabronies were a play away from the D2 Finals last session, but life changes pretty quickly.  Ben Stack, Eric Kleckler, Amy Taylor and others are gone, and the Jabronies have retooled as a D4 team seemingly starting over. Joe Miano has the confidence from playing in upper divisions though, and he knows he can beat just about anybody.  His squad is off to a 1-2 start, but as long as they have Joe (and Ryan) we expect they'll be competitive every week, especially as Joe starts to gel with his new receivers.

***

Pointless Power Ranking of the Week

Our long-time readers know that we like to include charts and graphs at the end of our Power Rankings showing how our teams stack up against each other.  Well, it's a little early in the session for all that, so in the meantime, let's keep ranking something pointless (as opposed to the "serious" business of QB rankings of course).  

Last week the Power Rankings Committee voted on the Top Ten best free agent acquisitions, and before that the Top Ten best team names. Each week we'll try to look at something different.

Here are your Top Ten Best Female Pass Rushers this Spring 2021 season, as voted on by our Committee (in the interests of creating suspense, we'll count down from Ten):

"Is Maggie even PLAYING this session?"  Doesn't matter, she's the "GOAT" of pass rushing, and we're not going to publish a list of pass rushers and NOT include her at the top.

**

Final Observations

• There are nine undefeated teams remaining, including Public Enemy and Tight Ends in Motion (D1), A&A and When Dove Cries (D2), TopShot, The Angels and Frodo Swaggins (D3), Cunning Stunts (D4), and Zack Attack (D5).  There are no undefeated teams remaining in D6.
• There are ten winless teams remaining, including Sloppy Seconds and Why So Serious? (D1), Passed Our Prime, XTC and Scared Hitless (D2), Vaspian and Grey Hair - Don't Care (D3), University Wealth Management (D5), and Juiced and Victorious Secret (D6).  There are no winless teams remaining in D4.
• Only two of last season's champions (Public Enemy and The Angels) remain undefeated this season.  The combined record of the other four division champions is 3-8, and none of those teams have a winning record (Mountain Dew Me is 1-1).
• The longest winning streak in the League belongs to Public Enemy (8 games, dating back to last Fall).
• The longest losing streak in the League belongs to Why So Serious (5 games, dating back to last Fall) if we stick purely with teams that haven't changed names.  If we recognize University Wealth Management from this session as Intentional Pounding from last session (it's the same people...) then the longest losing streak in the League belongs to them (12 games, dating back to last Fall).

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  your rusher is WAY better than the girls we listed here?  you're ready for the "best offenses / best defenses" charts that we're so famous for?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   

What’s YOUR ranking?

Week 1 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 29 April 2021 19:35

Published: Thursday, 29 April 2021 19:35

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 6636

"When I played pro football, I never set out to hurt anyone deliberately - unless it was, you know, important like a league game or something" - Dick Butkus

We're back.  Week One of the sixty team TSL mega-season is in the books, and the QB Power Rankings Committee is ready to do what we do best: define for you, our dear readers, who the greatest passers are in the greatest touch football league in WNY.

Of course the first week of any season is always the hardest to rank and causes the most arguments amongst the QB Power Rankings Committee.  You've got QBs who haven't even played a game yet; you've got people playing their first ever game at QB, so you don't REALLY know how good they are yet; you've got people who had monster games against teams you THOUGHT were okay, but then turn out to be terrible a few weeks later.  

So how do we do it?  

Rule #1: Don't overreact to Week One performances.  People rarely go from superstars to trash overnight, or vice versa.  If someone's worthy of a spot towards the top of the Power Rankings, they'll prove it over time.

Rule #2: Always ask yourself the question: Who would I rather have QBing my team in the big game?  If someone's lighting it up in D4, that doesn't necessarily mean I'd rather have them QBing my team than someone that's struggling in D1.  And this isn't a ranking of "who had the best week" (even Topper would crack the Top Ten with that criteria, and that can't be right)... think of it more as a ranking of "who would you most want to fill in as your team's QB tomorrow?"

So let's get to it.  Here are your Top Ten for Week One of the Spring 2021 season:

One man's loss is everyone else's gain in the Top Ten this week, as Mark Dalfonso drops out of the rankings for the first time since our inaugural article in Spring 2019.  We will miss you Marketing Mayors.  So where does that leave us?  Seems like there's a new "Big Three" in the TSL this season:

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Sloppy Seconds 32-19

There is no change at the top of the Power Rankings as the Public Enemy icon secures the highest ranking for a TSL record 15th week (this is our 24th edition of the Power Rankings as we start our fourth season in publication, so you do the math).  Dominant, but... not untouchable, as the next two contenders on our Rankings will push Cole all season to take his spot.  Public Enemy will be heavy favorites next week with a double header against the Sticky Bandits and Why So Serious, so we expect Cole to hold on to this spot for at least another week.

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Beat Why So Serious? 43-14

The retooled Eyes Downtown lineup looks like an immediate improvement over last season's squad, and Bobby starts his Spring 2021 campaign by outscoring the rest of D1 in his first game.  Not a bad start, and we expect Bobby will only get better as he gets used to some of his new teammates.  Eyes Downtown plays Sloppy Seconds next week so barring an upset loss from Public Enemy, Bobby doesn't have a real path to the #1 spot next week no matter how much they win by.  The only way he jumps Cole at this point is when (if?) Public Enemy lose a game.

#3 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 38-6

Last season's D1 Finals runner-up shows that Tight End's last season surge last year was no fluke, keeping it going against the newly promoted Sticky Bandits.  Bro didn't let any of the Dave Baker soap opera affect his performance this week and took care of business.  Tight Ends in Motion are "championship or bust" this year with returning weapons Katie Salisbury and Emily Curry, and they've got to feel good about the way Bro has started.  Next week's opponent is Why So Serious, so for the second week in a row, all of the top D1 teams will play against the lower tier of D1, and not each other.  Good for their egos, but bad for their quarterbacks' opportunities to climb the Power Rankings, as big wins are generally expected for all three teams.

Cole, Bobby, Bro: These are the top Quarterbacks in the league, and they lead the three teams widely expected to compete for the D1 Championship this year.  But the rest of the TSL is still loaded with talent, and every other QB on this list is hungry for glory and ready to rack up wins of their own this year, starting with:

#4 Joey Batts - Mountain Dew Me / Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Beat XTC 35-26 (Mountain Dew Me), beat Buffalo Vice 45-39 (Cunning Stunts)

League mainstay Gryffindor folds after years in the TSL, but Joey Batts keeps on rolling as he's picked up by Mountain Dew Me.  Seems like a strange pairing on the surface (D1 QB joins "why were we in D5?" champs) but so far the combo works as Mountain Dew Me starts the season with a win, surprising many who thought the leap to D2 would be too much.  Throw in a crazy last minute Stunts win against Buffalo Vice in D4, and Joey reminds us all why he has never left the Top Ten in our Power Rankings.

#5 Matty Ice - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank NR)

Last Week:  Beat SIytherin That End Zone 36-16 (A&A), beat The Untouchaballs 44-25 (The Angels)

One of the highest ranked QBs in TSL history is back after a season off, and showing zero rust.  A&A has some different faces but the same result, as they take down last season's D2 Finals runner-up.  Matty also led the Angels to their first win in D3, showing that they can hang with higher divisions as well (we personally can't wait for Quinn vs Angels).  It's weird that the Angels are no longer named after Matty though... is this his punishment for abandoning them last year?  If he wins a D3 title, will they let him have "Matty's Angels" back?  Also, there were a lot of great storylines from TSL Week One (just check out the poll on the home page) but perhaps none better than the debut of Bones.  That's a good dog.

#6 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Lost to Mountain Dew Me 35-26

The first QB in our Power Rankings this week to lose his Week One debut (even the best teams don't win them all), this post-Dilfs Dubey is still Top Ten material (for now).  What does losing to Mountain Dew Me mean?  Either the MDM/Battaglia team is better than we thought... or XTC will be worse than we thought... or it's meaningless and changes nothing.  That's the fun of Week One, trying to figure out what's meaningful and what's not!  Our guess is XTC will still have a great season, but D2 is so loaded, it's hard to tell.  Dubey faces off against Matty Ice next week which is exactly who you DON'T want to face coming off of a loss... but frankly there are no "good" teams to face in D2 at this point.  It seems like that might be the most competitive division this year from top to bottom.

#7 Alex Buchlis - Sloppy Seconds - (Previous Rank NR)

Last Week:  Lost to Public Enemy 32-19

Here's a Storyline of the Year candidate: Buchlis, formerly of Tight Ends in Motion and Sticky Bandits fame, has been injured over the past couple of seasons and seen his QB1 spot disappear on the teams he put on the map.  So what does he do?  Throw together a team of new players and athletes already on other rosters, and immediately jump back into D1 to show everyone that his "Sloppy Seconds" can still play.  Of course they lost to Public Enemy in Week One (everyone loses to Public Enemy) but they played surprisingly well for a brand new team going against the D1 champs.  Give them some time to gel, and with one of the game's smartest QBs under center, this could be a dark horse contender to make some noise int he playoffs.

#8 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 46-36

The quickest way to rise in the TSL QB Power Rankings: move up a division and compete (and win) against better talent.  Scotty of Frodo Swaggins fame ("infamy" in Scotty's case) rises to his highest ever spot in the Power Rankings by leading new team Bullet Club to a win over Passed Our Prime.  Bullet Club is now the highest scoring team in the TSL (46 PPG, tied with Scotty's old D3 rival All We Do is Quinn) and immediately establish themselves as D2 contenders.  Is Garrett bitter about Scotty's defection?  Probably not, as Frodo is sitting at 2-0 today with Beesing himself having taken over that job.  We look forward to Scotty's emails this year reminding the TSL QB Power Rankings Committee EXACTLY how great Scotty really is.

#9 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 38-6

The Sticky Bandits were the highest scoring team in D2 last session, and are now tied for the lowest scoring team in the TSL after one week this session.  That jump to D1 is a killer, and shows why more D2 teams are afraid to try their luck against the top teams (kudos to the Bandits for not backing down from a challenge).  But Thomas shouldn't be too discouraged - he's still one of the top quarterbacks in the League, and Sticky Nation has always made adjustments in the past and found ways to compete.  Public Enemy is a brutal Week Two matchup to try to turn their luck around, but our guess is it happens eventually (if not next week).

#10 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 46-17

Tied with Bullet Club as the highest scoring team in the League after one week, AWDIQ came out and blasted Grey Hair - Don't Care in the opener.  Vince looked awesome (he usually does) and Quinn is ready to finally, FINALLY take that D3 title this season after years of painfully falling short (although we wrote the same thing last year).  Vince is the only non-D1 non-D2 quarterback to appear in our Top Ten this week (he usually is) but if you watch Quinn's games, you'll know he deserves his spot.  We expect the Quinners to drop 50 on Vaspian next week.

***

Vince is the final QB in our Top Ten this week, but his spot is far from safe.  Others pushing for his spot (listed alphabetically, this isn't a "Power Rankings") include:

Terrell Bolden - Why So Serious: Yes, they got destroyed by Eyes Downtown, but Bolden turned this team into a real contender when he took over as QB for the second half of the past Fall session, and he's playing against D1 competition (which we always like to reward).  He will make the Top Ten sooner rather than later.

Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak:  TSL newcomer Jordan Lawson led Losing Streak to a big Week One win over Peachy Platoon... It's hard to call it an "upset" yet without knowing how good Losing Streak will be, but it FELT like an upset to us knowing how good Peachy is.  Losing Streak is currently second in D2 in points scored, and Jordan can make a strong push for the Top Ten very quickly if he doesn't, you know... go on a losing streak (had to get that pun out of the way once; we promise it won't happen again).

Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries:  Topper likes to frustrate us by mixing a few dominant games in with his usual mediocrity, so we have no idea where to rank him.  When Dove Cries has the best point differential in D2 after one week, and their dominant women can't be the ONLY reason.  We look forward to his inevitable push into the Top Ten, just to see him drop five in a row to end the season.

Jeremy Olsen - Passed Our Prime:  Passed Our Prime lost their TSL debut to Bullet Club, but they had a fantastic Winter session so we've seen some of what this team can do.  We don't count Winter session for our Power Rankings history of course (the Committee needs some time off; this work is exhausting) but Olsen has showed he was capable of playing against strong competition and coming out on top, so a push for the Top Ten this season wouldn't surprise us.

Dean Thompson - Peachy Platoon:  One of the TSL's best athletes ended up missing most of the Fall session with work conflicts but is seemingly back this Spring to put Peachy back in contention.  They dropped their Week One matchup against Losing Streak, but Dean is a former Top Five QB in our Power Rankings, and too talented to stay down for long.

***

Our long-time readers know that we like to include charts and graphs at the end of our Power Rankings showing how our teams stack up against each other.  Well, that's a little stupid after one week of play; four of our teams haven't even played yet, and it's way too early to draw conclusions about the rest of our teams after one or two games.  Expect us to start adding those around Week Four or Week Five of this session.

In the meantime, let's rank something pointless!

Here are your Top Ten best team names this season, as voted on by our Committee (in the interests of creating suspense, we'll count down from Ten):

Of course we should acknowledge the all-time greatest team name as well: Hootie and the Brofish.  

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you think "Breast Friends" is in bad taste and you want us to refuse to publish it going forward?  not enough D5/D6 this week?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   

What’s YOUR ranking?

Week 2 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 06 May 2021 20:17

Published: Thursday, 06 May 2021 20:17

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 22529

"When you're GOOD at something, you'll tell everyone.  When you're GREAT at something, they'll tell you" - Walter Payton

We're two weeks into the Spring 2021 season and by now every team has played at least one game EXCEPT for Cobblestone.  Darryl is a big believer in being fashionably late to the party, apparently.  For the rest of us, we've all had a chance to shine or to flounder by now.  So let's take a look at our TSL Quarterback Power Rankings for Week Two:

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 33-0, beat Why So Serious 33-17

Are you BORED yet?  We're bored.  Two more Public Enemy wins + 33 points scored in each = Chris's 16th week in the top spot (6th in a row).  What else can we even say at this point?  Don't you just want these guys to lose so you can rub it in Cole's smug face?  But who can beat the Champs?  We're looking at you, #2 on our Power Rankings...

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Beat Sloppy Seconds 35-21

No change here either, as Eyes Downtown surprised exactly no one by beating brand new D1 team Sloppy Seconds.  Look, without a huge upset, this was never going to be the week that the Top Three changed, it was just the rich getting richer and the poor D1 second-tier getting their asses handed to them.  But with Public Enemy vs Eyes Downtown on the schedule for this week, we're almost guaranteed a shake-up at the top one way or another.  Only question is whether Bobby's moving up or moving down after that game.

#3 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Why So Serious 53-8.

We don't know what's more impressive: Tight Ends' LEAGUE leading 45.5 PPG on offense or their LEAGUE leading 7.0 PPG on defense.  Yes, the best offensive team in the League is also the best defensive team in the League, and they're doing it in Division 1.  We're probably doing Bro a disservice by ranking him #3 right now, but as long as all three top guys remained undefeated, we were always going to go with experience over stats.  Unfair?  Maybe, but he'll get a crack at his real competition eventually this season, and those are the games that will show where Bro really belongs.

#4 Matty Ice - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat XTC 30-25

In case you missed Matty's "dissatisfaction" with our work on the TSL Facebook last week, we'll reprint his comments here:

"Alright Im back and I need to make my presence known not only on the field but on social media as well. With that being said I have to comment on this list.  This. Is. Absolute. Blasphemy.  I should never ever be out of the top 3. Ever.  Lemme give you a quick little story. I take a year off, I gotta do some adult stuff ya know.  I make my return only to see the godfather picks against me, I come in as the under dog for A&A. On my first drive go 5-5 for a girl touchdown and a guy 2 point conversion. Flawless. Mike Boccio witnessed it and was in utter shock.  I'd like to reiterate this. I took a year off.  I then take an a gender team, where no gender team has gone before, and get a huge W!  I maybe understand Chris Cole and [Bobby McConnell] being in front of me, they have earned it. Dedicated themselves to this game.  BUT the other two being in front of me is a complete laugh. I didn't play for a year, come back and demolish who ever was set in front of me. I think I'm gonna have Travis Clev QB for A&A the rest of the season and let Katie Salbury go for The Angels and I just come back for the play offs and win it all.  CLEARLY I DONT NEED PRACTICE.  This list needs to be revamped.  I'll see how it looks after week 2.  Until then. This list isn't to be taken seriously."

We do LOVE a good rant (haven't gotten one from Scotty Dro yet this year, which is disappointing) but let's add a little context to your "quick little story": 

1) Yes, you "took a year off" so maybe you need a refresher on where we're at here: This is the 2021 Power Rankings.  Winter session subbing appearances aside, we haven't seen you play since 2019.  You're living in the past, Matty!  This is a "what have you done for me lately" world we're living in, and while Joey and Bro were battling for glory last year, you were... raising dogs or something? (seriously though: we DO love your dog)

2) If Mike Boccio is in "utter shock" about your opening drive success... maybe that means he just doesn't think you're very good?  We don't want to speak for Mr. Boccio here, as he's not on our Power Rankings Committee (or is he?)

3) We DID push you narrowly ahead of Joey this week (you deserve it, you won; he didn't play) but you think you're ahead of Bro Kleckler?  Your awesome talent aside, Bro IS leading the league in scoring on a D1 team.  Have you WATCHED him play?  He should arguably be higher on the list than he is.  "But Bro is surrounded by all this great talent!"  What, and The Angels surrounded themselves with garbage?  You both play with GREAT talent... but Bro's currently scoring more points with his, in a division you CHOSE not to enter.

You don't have to "take us seriously" (we suspect no one does...) but we stand behind our #4 this week.  If it makes you feel any better, we ranked you ahead of 56 other QBs.  Try to look at the glass as half full.

#5 Joey Batts - Mountain Dew Me / Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  DNP

No Mountain Dew Me game this week and a Cunning Stunts win engineered by sub Jordan Lawson.  Joey drops a spot due to inactivity combined with Matty's win.

#6 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 36-32

Bullet Club is the highest scoring team in D2 at 41 PPG, and the second highest scoring non-gender team in the TSL, which has Scotty Dro rising to his highest ranking yet.  Up next: Undefeated When Dove Cries, who boast the best defense in D2.  Irresistible force (we're sure Scotty would agree with that), meet Immovable object.  Scotty has had hot starts before though, only to disappear as the season goes on.  Does Joe K have a plan for keeping Scotty motivated (and physically present) as Bullet Club pushes for a championship over the coming months?

#7 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Lost to A&A 30-25

Dubey finished last season at #3 in our Power Rankings, and he has started this season by going 0-2.  Of course his losses are to Joey Batts and Matty Ice and those are two pretty great QBs (even though Matty doesn't seem to think much of Joey).  XTC will try to turn their luck around against newcomers Passed Our Prime this week, who are also trying to bust out of an 0-2 start.  An 0-3 start could push Dubey right out of the Top Ten, but we suspect he'll bounce back this week against POP's League-worst defense (47 PPG allowed).  

#8 Alex Buchlis - Sloppy Seconds - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 35-21

The Alex Buchlis experiment in team building continues ahead of schedule, as Sloppy Seconds falls to Eyes Downtown but not without putting up a fight.  The loss costs Buchlis a spot in the Power Rankings, but he's averaging 20 PPG against Public Enemy and Eyes Downtown so far, which is impressive given his brand new cast of receivers.  We don't imagine the D1 finals being anything other than some combination of Public Enemy, Eyes Downtown and Tight Ends in Motion, but if Sloppy Seconds continues their current trajectory learning to play together, they might just pull off an impressive playoff upset along the way.

#9 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Beat Wolfpack 22-17

Not the most explosive offensive showing in his career, but Vince scores just enough to win and keep AWDIQ undefeated.  The good news for Vince is that he moves up a spot to #9 this week.  The bad news is that he's probably hit his ceiling in the Power Rankings as long as he stays in D3.  We can't imagine him climbing past many of the legends above him right now, and there are several D2 QBs ready to make their own push into the Top Ten which will probably knock him back.  Quinn must get so sick of hearing people say this, but we'll just add to the chorus: please, please win D3 this session so we can FINALLY see what you can do in D2.  You belong there... or at least you will, if you can dominate the playoffs as much as you dominate the regular season.

#10 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries / TOX - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 34-31, Tied Peachy Platoon 23-23 (When Dove Cries), beat Not So Sticky 33-12

Are we really doing this again?  Oh God, it looks like we are.  How does Topper keep squeaking his way into the Top Ten every session?  He has these impressive starts, then completely collapses and can barely crack the Top Thirty by the end of the season.  Well here we go again... two weeks into the season, When Dove Cries is 2-0-1 and our geriatric superstar remains undefeated against Scared Hitless, Peachy Platoon, Losing Streak, and apparently Father Time.  We won't pretend we saw that coming.  Enjoy it while you can Mr. Commissioner; we don't expect to see you in our Top Ten next week.

***

"AARP McGovern" is the final QB in our Top Ten this week, but his spot is far from safe.  Others pushing for his spot (listed alphabetically, this isn't a "Power Rankings") include:

Terrell Bolden - Why So Serious: Two devastating losses to D1 powerhouses Tight Ends in Motion (53-8... ouch) and Public Enemy (33-17, even with Katie Salisbury as a sub).  Bolden's a pretty exciting QB to watch, but we hear that half his team was missing this week for some flag tournament (or something) and it's tough to beat TEIM and PE with your full teams, let alone replacement squads thrown together to field a team for the day.  We still think we'll see the Why So Serious QB in the Top Ten this season... but it won't be today.

Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak:  Jordan ended up on the wrong side of a 34-31 classic vs Topper's team and later dropped a 34-33 gender team battle to Lenny's Ladies, but when your team scores 30+ points... well, you should probably win.  In fact all OTHER teams that scored 30+ points this week went 18-3, while Jordan went 0-2.  Can his defenders help him out a little?  It gets tough to win shoot-outs every week when your defense isn't getting stops  (More on 30 point games below...)

Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits:  Mike spent 8 consecutive weeks in the Top Ten going back to last season's opener, but scoring 6 points in two games (including a shut-out loss to Public Enemy) has broken his streak for now, as the Sticky Bandits are the lowest scoring team in the TSL through two weeks.  Thomas and Bolden are both suffering from brutal early season schedules against the top D1 teams.  If more D2 teams were willing to make the jump to D1 it might be a more balanced division... but the Sticky Bandits early season struggles highlight exactly why the better D2 teams DON'T want to move up.

Dean Thompson - Peachy Platoon:  That's more like it.  After a Week One loss to Losing Streak, Dean is trending back up to where we expected.  First the Platoon tied When Dove Cries (can you imagine how annoying Topper would be if he were 3-0?  Thanks Peachy!) and then they destroyed a "still-struggling-with-attendance" Passed Our Prime 48-20.  Peachy Platoon is one of six D2 teams averaging more than 30 PPG, and all six of those teams have a .500 record or better.  The four D2 teams averaging less than 30 PPG are a combined 0-7.  Looks like 30 is the magic number, and Dean has Peachy on the right side of that cut-off.

***

Pointless Power Ranking of the Week

Our long-time readers know that we like to include charts and graphs at the end of our Power Rankings showing how our teams stack up against each other.  Well, that's a little stupid after only a couple weeks of play; one of our teams hasn't even played yet, and it's way too early to draw conclusions about the rest after one or two games.  Expect us to start adding those around Week Four or Week Five of this session.

In the meantime, let's keep ranking something pointless (as opposed to the "serious" business of QB rankings of course).  

Last week the Power Rankings Committee voted on the Top Ten best team names. Each week we'll try to look at something different.

Here are your Top Ten Best Free Agent Acquisitions this Spring 2021 season, as voted on by our Committee (in the interests of creating suspense, we'll count down from Ten):

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you're angry we're still only showing the Top Ten after two weeks and haven't expanded yet?  you have better ideas on what our next Pointless Ranking should be?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   

What’s YOUR ranking?

Spring 2021 Preseason

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 22 April 2021 21:11

Published: Thursday, 22 April 2021 21:11

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 22912

"Football is like nuclear warfare.  There are no winners, only survivors" - Frank Gifford

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  If you've read our article in the past (and there must be at least a few of you) then you’re familiar with the concept – every week we share our rankings for the Top QBs in the League, and discuss who’s trending up and who's trending down.  We on the QB Power Rankings Committee are not what you'd call "great writers" (or even "very good" writers... check out the Godfather and the Sentinel if you want better writing) so we lean heavily on graphs and stats instead.  For our pre-season article each session, we like to make a few predictions and re-print an explanation of how these Power Rankings work, which we've copied and pasted almost verbatim from the last three pre-season reviews  (See? Lazy writing...)  

So a little Q&A to refresh your memories:

“There are sixty teams in the TSL this season!  Are you going to show rankings for all 60 starting QB’s every week?”

At minimum, the Top Ten will be shown EVERY week.  We always expand as the season goes on, so you'll see a Top 15, Top 20... last season we got to a Top 30, which was more than two thirds of the League.  This season: we vow to do better.

“Is this going to be heavily biased towards the higher divisions?”

In a word: yes.  The purpose of a Power Ranking is to highlight the absolute best in the League, and for the most part the best are competing AGAINST the best.  We will absolutely be acknowledging the performances (good and bad) of Quarterbacks in the lower divisions as well, but it's rare that a lower division QB will crack the Top Twenty, and that's the way it should be.  Generally speaking if you don't like your ranking, our advice is to try moving up a division next session.  The better your competition, the more credibility you earn for beating it.

"Do you take into account Breakfast Club performance for the Rankings?"

We take Breakfast Club into account, but as that's more of a casual league, we weight it much less than the other divisional play.

"Are gender team QBs treated differently in the Rankings?"

Not really.  A team's a team, and although gender team scores tend to be a little higher (every TD = minimum 8 points) we don't see much difference.  It takes skill to win with men; it takes skill to win with women.

"How are you ranking backup QBs if they come in and play better than some other team's starter?"

Generally we're only ranking one QB per team, even if you've got a player on your bench that you think could be a successful starter elsewhere.  And for teams with unreliable QBs who don't show up often enough for us to even KNOW who the starter is, we often leave them out of our rankings entirely... as they say, the best "ability" is "availability".  If you want to get ranked, show up and play as often as you can.

"I'm new to this League and people don't know me yet!  How do I get ranked when I'm still an unknown?"

For starters, you should play really well.  If you're scoring a lot of points, we WILL notice you.  There are eight more teams this session than the Fall 2020 season, so we probably DON'T know who you all are yet.  Email us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to introduce yourself, and please, be patient.  If you're the highest scoring team in the League in Week 2, that doesn't mean we're anointing you as the next Chris Cole just yet.  Keep at it, play well, and we promise eventually we will recognize you.

“So you’re only ranking QB’s… what about the rest of us?”

Oh, we didn’t forget about the rest of you.  In addition to the QB Rankings, we will do our best to put out other rankings that the rest of you can enjoy – best team offenses, best team defenses, best referees, best at bar …  ranking anything is always fun.  Unless we rank you last, of course.

“You keep saying ‘we’.  Who is writing this?  Who determines these rankings?”

Don’t worry about who’s writing this.  Let’s be honest: If you knew who was on our Committee, you would incessantly whine to them about why you or your QB should be ranked higher every week.  Anonymity is key for journalism THIS important.  

And that's how the Power Rankings work.  We expect it's going to be an incredible season, with SIXTY teams battling for TSL supremacy.  Our official predictions for this year: 

• AWDIQ legend Vince Taverna drops out of the Top Ten as he has to contend with 16 D1 and D2 QBs playing in divisions above him
• Matty Ice and Dean Thompson will duke it out for the honor of highest ranked D2 QB, with... Matty getting the slight edge by end of the season? we think?
• Dylan Jaloza will crack the Top Twenty by end of the season.  With all those weapons, how can he not?
• A mid-season replacement will come out of nowhere to crack the Top Ten (think Bro Kleckler or Terrell Bolden last year)
• Scotty Drosendahl, now playing in D2, will make the Top Ten early and often
• Topper will continue to be the hardest player to rank, flashing brilliance one week, just to look like a washed up shell of an athlete the next.

But what do we know?  These were last year's predictions:  Matty Ice PLUMMETS in the rankings (he did, after taking the session off, so that was an easy one... though allegedly he's back this season); Joey Batts cracks the Top Five once again (we were right, as Joey spent three weeks last season in the #4 spot); Blase LaDuca cracks the Top Ten (we were wrong; 18th was the highest he got); Darryl Carr remains undefeated at #1 on the Quarterback Hair Rankings (obviously we were right); and Lucas Kramer from Vaspian, with a year of experience under his belt, has a break-out season to flirt with Top Ten status (he did not).  Three out of five... could be worse.

So there you go.  We don’t have any new “pre-season rankings” for you, because there are new teams and new faces and we don't know all the contenders yet. But here are the final “Top 30” rankings from the end of Fall 2020's regular season (which might have looked different if we had re-ranked them after playoffs…): 

For all you TSL history buffs out there that want to know QB Power Rankings data stretching back before the chart shown above, here is the entire history of the Top Ten going back the past three seasons that we've been Power Ranking (season three being shortened by one week due to COVID issues):

Chris Cole and Joey Batts are the only two QBs to be ranked in the Top Ten every week since the Power Rankings began, and Joey's streak is in jeopardy as we're not sure who's QBing for Mountain Dew Me this session (could be hard to make Top Ten if he's only QBing a D4 gender team).  Mark Dalfonso missed out in the first ever week of Power Rankings (a shameful omission on our part, but we can't correct it now) and then has been in the Top Five ever since... a streak that looks to be coming to an end with Marketing Mayors folding this session. Bobby McConnell missed the beginning of the Spring 2019 season and wasn't ranked for four weeks, though he's been in the Top Four ever since, and Matt Newman missed just one week as well (don't blame us, he should have played better).

Among active QBs, the returning Matty Ice has one of the highest average rankings at 3.06 (not counting the season he took off).  Excluding the injury weeks he wasn't ranked, Bobby has never left the Top Four (average rank: 2.32).  Bro Kleckler has only been ranked in the Top Ten once, but he's been almost unbeatable in D1 since taking over for TEIM and is a real threat to take the #1 spot if he continues to play at that level for a full season.  Chris Cole has never left the Top THREE (average rank: 1.52) and has a TSL record 10 consecutive weeks at #1 (he's currently on a four game streak at the top spot dating back to last season).  This is your Top Tier of TSL Quarterbacks ladies and gentlemen, the gold standard you have to beat if you want to be considered the best of the best.  Good luck with that!

As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  not enough attention devoted to the Quarterback Hair Rankings?  our gross abuse of parentheses as a literary crutch for writing thoughts within thoughts?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   

What’s YOUR ranking?