WEEK 4 POWER RANKINGS

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Tuesday, 20 May 2025 16:41

Published: Tuesday, 20 May 2025 16:41

Written by Jeff Krol

Hits: 1792

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings! 

As Jack Reacher once said before fighting five guys (or was it three? Two of them always run away…), “okay, now we know who’s who”.  We’re at the midpoint of the TSL Spring season, and we FINALLY feel like we know who’s who.  No more hiding behind an easy start to the schedule, no more excuses for a tough slate of games the first couple of weeks.  You are who you are at this point.  We SEE you.  We JUDGE you.  We RANK you.

So below you’ll find the Top TWENTY quarterbacks in the TSL.  And yes, it’s Week Four, so that means you FINALLY get a fancy chart too.

Enjoy!

#1 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Beat Legends 39-37

Two weeks ago, Legends beat Eyes Downtown.  Last week Eyes Downtown beat Legends.  Why is this enough for Bobby to take Joey’s spot at the top of the Power Rankings?  Legends is the most established and talented team in the League.  A few weeks ago, no one had ever heard of most of Bobby’s teammates.  It’s impressive!  Bobby gets the nod this week at #1.

#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Beat What a Dump 36-12, lost to Eyes Downtown 39-37 (Legends), beat Becca Gets Reccked 44-26 (Stunts)

Imagine winning 15 games in a row for your D1 team, and then getting demoted in the Power Rankings when you FINALLY lose a game.  Doesn’t feel fair right?  Legends will be fine – barring a weird collapse (maybe Jeremy Burr demands to be starting Qb, and it fragments the team?) they’ll get a first round bye in the playoffs and be back in the D1 Championship game for a seventh consecutive season.  Oh, and the Stunts got their first ever D3 win this week.  Joey’s doing JUST FINE thanks.

#3 Mike Thomas – Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Beat Frodo Swaggins 14-8

Fourteen is NOT a lot of points, but a win’s a win and the Sticky Bandits are 3-1 with Eyes Downtown right around the corner.  They’re never the trendy pick to win the division, but they’ve been in the last two D1 Finals so they always seem to figure something out in time for playoffs.  Mike is still the man… if Sticky Nation’s defense is as good as we saw last week, they might have a better shot than people think.

#4 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 14-8

Holding a great team to 14 points defensively is a great accomplishment.  Or at least it would have felt like a great accomplishment, if Frodo hadn’t scored only 8 themselves and lost.  Maybe this is what happens when two teams have played each other so many times and know all of each other’s tricks?  Frodo falls to 3-2 on the season, but the two teams they’re battling in the race for a playoff bye week are the two teams they face the next couple weeks, so at least they have some control over their fate.

#5 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Can’t Touch This has played one competitive game this season and one slaughter.  They’ve looked great in both, but is all this time off with bye weeks and forfeits going to hurt them down the line?

#6 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week:  Beat D-Generation X Y and Z 35-16

When was the last time the Wanderers lost a game?  Last Fall’s semifinals vs Passing While Intoxicated, we’re pretty sure.  And hey, PWI is the other undefeated team in D3 right now!  Division 3 has been the most wide open division in the TSL for the last few years now.  Is it turning into a two horse race now with Wanderers and PWI?  Ten teams, and somehow they’re the only two in the division that are over .500…

#7 Jordan Lawson – Freeballers / Mavericks

Last Week:  Lost to What A Dump 36-25 (Freeballers)

Freeballers losses this season: by 7, by 13, by 4, by 22, by 11.  No, we don’t have high hopes for them against Legends this week (our guess is a 30 point loss) but What A Dump is a winnable rematch in their next game.  And after that it’s the D2 crossover game vs… (checks current standings…) Show Me Your TDs?  There’s a VERY real chance that Freeballers finish the season with a positive point differential!

#8 Cody Stumpf – What a Dump

Last Week:  Beat Freeballers 36-25, lost to Legends 36-12

What a Dump locked up their first win of the season (or really, their first win ever) on Saturday in a battle of D1 winless teams, before dropping one to Legends.  No shame in that, everyone loses to Legends.  Any team with a new quarterback has to be patient as he develops… but how patient will THESE receivers be, since they’re used to being contenders every year?  Hopefully for Cody’s sake he gets at least a couple seasons to figure this starting QB thing out.

#9 Rhace Colon – The Malones

Last Week:  Lost to Scared Hitless 43-34

We understand the argument about the two tiers of teams in D2.  Can’t Touch This, Mavericks and Malones ARE essentially D1 teams, and Scared Hitless and Jabronies seem a step below them most of the time.  But last week was a great reminder: it’s not a very BIG step!  Scared Hitless (and Jabronies for that fact) ARE capable of winning games against The Big Three of D2, so no game should ever be considered “safe” in this division.  Other than Show Me Your TDs.  That feels pretty safe.

#10 Buddy Lee – Passing While Intoxicated / Interdimensional Lightning Falcons

Last Week:  Beat 716 57-34 (PWI), beat Bird Watching in my Birkenstocks 51-28 (ILF)

Buddy Lee dropped two 50 point games for two different teams last week and as a result we’ve got him sitting in the TSL Power Ranking’s Top Ten.  Interestingly EVERY person on our Committee had Buddy ranked tenth, which is unusual but makes us feel like we probably got this one right.  PWI and ILF are both in prime position to win their divisions, and the common denominator is their scrambling, hungover quarterback.

#11 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Beat The Malones 43-34

Just when everyone (including us!) was ready to write Scared Hitless off, they pulled off a big win over a great team on Saturday.  These guys have experience, speed, a TOP notch female player, and they’ve played enough games to not get rattled by a slow start.  Their next two opponents are a combined 1-5, so this team could be looking at a .500 record again before long.

#12 Alex Buchlis – Becca Gets Reccked

Last Week:  Lost to Cunning Stunts 44-26

After the top two teams in D3, the other eight are kind of a jumbled mess.  Becca Gets Reccked are 1-2 after losses to the Stunts and Wanderers, and attendance seems like it could be an issue for them again this session.  If this team is as good as we think they are, we would expect to see wins over Degeneration X Y and Z and GirthQuakes over the next couple of weeks.  They’re really going to have step up their play by June 7^th though if they want to have a chance against PWI.

#13 Brandon “B” Ford – Practice Squad / Tater Tots

Last Week:  Beat GirthQuakes 26-22 (Practice Squad), beat Mike’s Detailing 39-22, beat Come From Behind 40-22 (Tater Tots)

B’s teams gave up 22 points defensively in all three games he played on Saturday.  His offenses scored MORE than 22 each time, and that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you get a 3-0 week (what a great example of the kind of brilliant insight that makes you want to read this article every week).  Both of B’s teams are in third place (yeah, D3 tiebreakers are weird right now) and it’s tough to say which one has a better path to a championship right now.  We’ll see Tater Tots, because they don’t have to beat Wanderers and PWI to win their division!

#14 Derek Pew - 716

Last Week:  Lost to PWI 57-34

716 is currently the sixth worst defense in the entire TSL (spoiler! We’re covering all of that stuff in the chart below the QB Rankings) as they’re allowing 39.75 PPG.  Woof.  Tough to win games when you need to put up forty every time just to have a chance.  716 is still a dangerous team when the whole roster shows up, but we’re not sure we’ve seen all of them play at once yet.

#15 Joe Miano - Jabronies

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Jabronies this week.  Happy Birthday-ish Joe Miano!

#16 Dylan Jaloza – Bullet Club

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Bullet Club this week.  Including forfeits, they are now the ONLY team in the League to have only played two games at this point in the season.  So we have NO idea if we’re rating Dylan too high or too low!

#17 Andy Clark – Buffalo Vice

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Buffalo Vice this week.  They’re in last place in the D3 standings, but they have two winnable games this weekend that could get them back over .500.

#18 Damien Keller – D-Generation X Y and Z

Last Week:  Lost to Wanderers 35-16

So many “middle of the pack” D3 teams, it was tough for us to figure out how to rank all these QBs!  Point differential, points scored, win-loss record, quality of opponent, quality of receivers… it’s like splitting hairs with most of these.  Is Damien better than Andy Clark?  Maybe.  Is he better than Matt Kieta?  Maybe.  Should we hold it against DXYZ that they have Katie Keller and Travis and they’re still only 1-3?  Maybe.

#19 Matt Kieta - GirthQuakes

Last Week:  Lost to Practice Squad 26-22

GirthQuakes are sixth in the D3 standings somehow, but they have the tenth best win percentage?  Make that make sense to us, PLEASE.  Throw out their two losses to the best two teams in D3 though, and they have a 2 point win, a 1 point loss, and a 4 point loss.  They’re really a very middle of the pack D3 team right now, we’re amazed that their record is what it is is at this point in the season.

#20 Kyle Conniff – PowerPuff Girls

Last Week:  Did Not Play

PowerPuff Girls went 2-0 on Saturday without Kyle.  Hey, we’re only ranking how great these QBs are, not how essential they are to their team’s success!

Fancy Statistics Section

Okay.  We're here.  We kept saying "you're not getting any fancy statistics out of us until at LEAST Week Four, and even then, we'll tell you the sample size is too small to be meaningful".  Well, it's Week Four.  The sample size is TOO SMALL TO BE MEANINGFUL, but we'll give you some "fancy stats" anyway.

You've seen this chart before, but we always like to make it the first one (and last one) of the season.  Here are your best (and worst) offenses, defenses, and point differentials in the TSL through the first half of the season.  As always, forfeit games have been excluded from the numbers.

What did we learn?

For starters, Show Me Your TDs are significantly skewing the numbers by being outscored 137-0 through two games (they’ve had a bye week and a forfeit loss as well).  Not just the “worst team stats” listings, but also the two teams that have played against them are sitting pretty in the “best team stats” listings.  This might be a very talented team in the long run… but they did not belong in the same division as Can’t Touch This or Mavericks.

We also see that a gender team is near the top of the Best Offenses list, but for the first time in years, it’s NOT the Cunning Stunts!  PowerPuff Girls are also dominating the stats at the halfway mark of the season – this is another team that is maybe, probably, very likely playing in the wrong division in our mind.  Does anyone believe that they wouldn’t be at least a .500 team in D4?

When we think about teams that could (not SHOULD, but COULD) be playing up a division or down a division, we look at twenty as the magic (if not arbitrary) number: if you’re winning games by 20+ points on average (Can’t Touch This, PowerPuff Girls, Two Tuddies, Wanderers), you could probably be playing up a division.  If you’re losing by 20+ points on average (Mo’ Chicken, Cobblestone, Show Me Your TDs), you could probably be playing down a division.  Not to pile on Show Me Your TDs anymore than we already have, but they’re losing by an average of 68 points per game… if twenty is the magic number, then they could be playing down THREE divisions, which feels about right.

And how about Dogg Pound??  Last Fall they finished as the worst offense in the entire League.  Well, okay, they’re STILL in the bottom ten in offense in the League, but they are #1 in defense across all divisions!  That’s pretty cool, right? 

***

That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this week!  If you have any thoughts about QB rankings, or you want to make sure we know who's throwing for your team, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  You tell him, he'll tell us.  

What's YOUR ranking?

WEEK 2 POWER RANKINGS

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Wednesday, 07 May 2025 19:58

Published: Wednesday, 07 May 2025 19:58

Written by Jeff Krol

Hits: 2142

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings! 

No graphs and visual wizardry for you yet of course (they’re coming soon!), but here are your Top FIFTEEN starting QBs in the TSL:

#1 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Lost to GirthQuakes 30-28

Has there EVER been a #1 ranked Quarterback after two weeks who was still winless?  Joey is setting records, and not the kind he’s used to.  But word is he didn’t suit up for Legends this week, and the Stunts just suffered their first regular season loss in like THREE FULL SEASONS, so his spot on the top of this chart is definitely up for grabs.  We didn’t want to punish the guy after one loss in his last 32ish games (someone fact check that, it’s got to be the League record) so he keeps the top spot for at least one more week.

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Did Not Play

A LOT of top talent didn’t have games this week, or were simply not at the fields.  Bobby is one of them.

#3 Mike Thomas – Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Beat What A Dump 27-21

The good news for the Sticky Bandits: they’re still undefeated two games into the season, and on top of the early D1 standings.  The bad news: the teams they’ve beaten are a combined 0-5, so maybe they shouldn’t break out the champagne just yet?  We’ll know more about the quality of the team after next week’s Legends game.  Side note: it’s great to write “Legends” again instead of their other trolling team names.

#4 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week:  Beat Freeballers 41-37, lost to Legends 55-8

Much like the Sticky Bandits above, both of Frodo’s wins this season come against 0-5 Freeballers and What A Dump.  Neither of those teams are duds (What A Dump in particular should get decent odds to win D1 in a couple months, we’re thinking) but Frodo is still looking for a signature win against Legends, who they have (maybe? Possibly?) never beaten before.  Last week wasn’t a huge step forwards in that regard, as they got annihilated 55-8 by the Legends backup QB.  Hey, doubleheaders are tough.

#5 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless via forfeit

A LOT of top talent didn’t have games this week, or were simply not at the fields.  Ryan is one of them.  Due to an unexpected forfeit by Scared Hitless, CTT has now outscored their opponents 85-0 in the standings… without facing a “real” D2 team yet. 

#6 Jordan Lawson – Freeballers / Mavericks

Last Week:  Lost to Freeballers 41-37 (Freeballers), beat Jabronies 38-26, beat Show Me Your TDs (Mavericks)

We’re going to have to stop showing Show Me Your TDs scores in this article for a while, and when we start doing our graphs and charts etc we’re going to have to back those out too.  It’s no disrespect to say that they’re in the wrong division this season, and including their stats is VERY misleading for other teams.  So yes, the Mavericks beat them handily, but more impressively, they also beat a good Jabronies team.  And Freeballers ALMOST took a close one against Frodo Swaggins.  Freeballers are 0-3 right now, but they’ve been VERY competitive in all three games.  They’ll break through for a win sooner rather than later.

#7 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week:  Beat GirthQuakes 50-8

GirthQuakes looks like a pretty strong team in D3 this session.  So what does it say about the Wanderers that they destroyed them 50-8 on Saturday?  It’s not too “bold” a prediction to say we expect the Wanderers to win every week, but… we kind of expect them to win every week now.  Frank may have better chemistry with his receivers than any quarterback in the League right now (which isn’t surprising, since they’ve probably played together since the 1990s)

#8 Rhace Colon – The Malones

Last Week:  Beat Jabronies 38-7

New QB this session for the Malones, same results.  These guys have outscored their opponents 87-24 so far this season… and their next three games are Show Me Your TDs, injury ravaged Scared Hitless, and then Show Me Your TDs again.  They could be looking at a truly scary 240-38 point differential in a couple weeks if they keep it up.

#9 Cody Stumpf – What a Dump

Last Week:  Did Not Play

A LOT of top talent didn’t have games this week, or were simply not at the fields.  Cody is one of them.  They’ll build momentum eventually (this team is too good not to) but an early loss to Frodo and a game without their starting QB in week two doesn’t help.

#10 Alex Buchlis – Becca Gets Reccked

Last Week:  Did Not Play

A LOT of top talent didn’t have games this week, or were simply not at the fields.  Alex is one of them.

 #11 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Lost via forfeit

A LOT of top talent didn’t have games this week, or were simply not at the fields.  Scared Hitless DID have a game, but they didn’t show up for it, so they took the forfeit L this week.

#12 Buddy Lee – Passing While Intoxicated / Interdimensional Lightning Falcons

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 42-25 (PWI), lost to Come From Behind 34-33

PWI had the first week of the season off, but the rust from an extra long offseason didn’t show.  There were rumors that Buddy was going to move up to a D2 team this offseason and it didn’t seem to happen, which is a shame.  There isn’t a division “too good” for this guy.  ILF surprisingly lost against the D5 champions (who were without their QB!) but take a look at the scoreboard and you’ll see it wasn’t Buddy’s fault… unless you blame him for not taking charge of that defense.

#13 Derek Pew - 716

Last Week:  Beat D-Generation X Y and Z 40-28

716 is an interesting team on paper, with outstanding male athletes and some newer female talent.  Their success (or failure) this season will likely come down to how well Derek Pew plays at the QB position, and so far the results have been strong.  716 has a 1-1 record, and they were one score away from going 2-0 with a win in their first game of the season.  Are they strong enough to beat the Wanderers in the playoffs?  Maybe, maybe not, but at least they have the talent to have a chance.

#14 Brandon “B” Ford – Practice Squad / Tater Tots

Last Week:  Lost to Buffalo Vice 38-37 (Practice Squad), beat Vaspian 20-6 (Tater Tots)

Practice Squad is in last place in D3 after two weeks, but don’t blame the offense, as they’re fourth (out of 10) in their division in scoring.  B knows how to get points, and eventually that will translate into wins.  The Tots on the other hand are struggling to score points so far, which could be weather related or could be talent related?  It’s too early to read much into any of these numbers, but that doesn’t mean we’re not trying!

#15 Dylan Jaloza – Bullet Club

Last Week:  Lost to Passing While Intoxicated 42-25

It’s no secret that TSL’s greatest division lately has been D3, and that’s because of all the parity.  Anyone can win any game, and five teams are already 1-1 with VERY similar stats.  It’s tough to split hairs at this point and rank one Quarterback above another, but 15^th is where we’re slotting Dylan for now.   

Fancy Statistics Section

Yeah, right.  You're not getting any fancy statistics out of us until at LEAST Week Four, and even then we'll tell you the sample size is too small to be meaningful (yes, we're going to copy/paste this line next week too, so get used to it)

That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this week!  If you have any thoughts about QB rankings, or you want to make sure we know who's throwing for your team, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  You tell him, he'll tell us.  

What's YOUR ranking?

WEEK 3 POWER RANKINGS

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Tuesday, 13 May 2025 14:29

Published: Tuesday, 13 May 2025 14:29

Written by Jeff Krol

Hits: 2044

POWER RANKINGS

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings! 

Is Darryl Carr finally in the top fifteen this week??? Let’s find out!

#1 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 38-20, beat Legends 47-42 (Legends), lost to Wanderers 62-45 (Stunts)

Cunning Stunts are winless and in last place in their division.  We have never typed that sentence before.  Legends are undefeated and in first place in their division.  We have typed THAT sentence many, many times before.  We’ll probably type it again next week.  This is why you don’t overreact and move someone out of the #1 spot too early…

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Lost to Legends 47-42

It’s pretty amazing how Eyes Downtown lost 90% of their team in the offseason, and then built an equally good one in the span of a few weeks.  Okay, their defense is not nearly as good it seems, but Bobby hasn’t slowed down at all with these receivers.  Could we really see some brand new faces in the D1 championship game this session?

#3 Mike Thomas – Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Lost to Legends 38-20

The Sticky Bandits came up short against Legends last week, just as they did in the D1 championship game last Fall.  If it’s any consolation for Sticky Nation, do they realize who the last team was that actually BEAT the Legends?  Yes, it was the Sticky Bandits back in the Spring 2024 Finals.  So they know they can do it, they just need about every close ball to go their way.

#4 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week:  Beat Freeballers 36-14

Frodo Swaggins is sitting pretty at 3-1 and they need only one more win to lock up a non-losing season.  We keep saying they’re ready to take the next step into the upper echelon of D1 teams – beating Sticky Bandits and Eyes Downtown over the next couple of weeks is the way to do that, and the way for Garrett to leapfrog the two names above him on this list.

#5 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week:  Beat Mavericks 54-25

Ryan Dougherty potentially could have been even HIGHER on these Power Rankings, if Can’t Touch This had taken the plunge and jumped up to D1 this offseason.  There’s no doubt they’re ready for it, and although we can’t blame for wanting to win their division first (who wouldn’t?), they also can’t blame US for ranking four D1 quarterbacks ahead of Ryan.  Gotta compete against the best to be the best.

#6 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week:  Beat Cunning Stunts 62-45

Speaking of quarterbacks and teams that could be playing in higher divisions, how about those Wanderers?  Undefeated at the halfway mark of their season, averaging 47 points per game… do we really feel like this isn’t a D2 team?  We might… MIGHT… just bet on them to beat D2 Show Me Your TDs at least.  How would they fare against Can’t Touch This, Mavericks or the Malones?  Not too bad, we’re thinking.

#7 Jordan Lawson – Freeballers / Mavericks

Last Week:  Lost to Frodo Swaggins 36-14 (Freeballers), lost to Can’t Touch This 54-25 (Mavericks)

Frodo Swaggins is a quality loss these days.  It must be frustrating for Freeballers that they’re 0-4 at this point, but three of their next four games are winless team, Legends, winless team, D2 crossover game.  So they do have a chance to improve.  For Mavericks, expectations are certainly higher, and there are only a couple big games circled on their schedules.  Losing handily to Can’t Touch This isn’t what the defending D2 champs were hoping for going into last week.

#8 Rhace Colon – The Malones

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for The Malones this week, after Show Me Your TDs forfeited.  We have so many things we could have said about that game, but we’ll keep them to ourselves.

#9 Cody Stumpf – What a Dump

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for What a Dump this week as their backloaded schedule has them at only 0-2 so far in the season. 

#10 Alex Buchlis – Becca Gets Reccked

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Becca Gets Reccked this week… and least not one that counted?

#11 Derek Pew - 716

Last Week:  Beat Buffalo Vice 38-36

716 certainly had their doubters going into this season, but they’ve quieted a lot of them with a stronger than expected 2-1 start.  Yeah, their defense could be better, but we’re not Power Ranking defenses are we?

#12 Joe Miano - Jabronies

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 44-14

Joe Miano somehow fell off our radar last week.  How was the current D3 champion not ranked in the Top 15?  Well, here you are Joe.  You just smoked Scared Hitless by 30 points; you probably deserve to be Top 12 if not better.  There’s a lot of talk of D2 being “two tiers” right now, and people do not say that favorably about Jabronies.  But they just COMFORTABLY beat Scared Hitless and they’re miles ahead of Show Me Your TDs… is it possible that they’re an upper tier D2 team and we just haven’t realized it yet?  Ask us again next week after their Mavericks rematch.

 #13 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Lost to Jabronies 44-14

This just isn’t a great start to the season for Scared Hitless.  Injuries have played a big part; these guys were on the doorstep of a D1 finals game once, the talent is clearly there!  They’ll have to dig deep to make a playoff run, since the regular season doesn’t seem like it’ll be too kind to Dylan and crew.

#14 Buddy Lee – Passing While Intoxicated / Interdimensional Lightning Falcons

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No games for Buddy Lee this week, as PWI won with a sub and ILF won with a forfeit.

#15 Brandon “B” Ford – Practice Squad / Tater Tots

Last Week:  Beat D-Generation X Y and Z 28-15 (Practice Squad), lost to Bird Watching in my Birkenstocks 22-15 (Tater Tots)

Practice Squad got their first W of the season in resounding fashion, and somehow that was enough in the confusing world of the D3 standings to vault from “winless” to “ahead of six other teams in the standings”.  The Tots are also 1-2, but they’re towards the back end of the D4 standings.  Why is their offense so anemic?  It looks like they have some weapons on that roster.

Fancy Statistics Section

ONE MORE WEEK until you get fancy statistics (although even then, we'll tell you the sample size is too small to be meaningful).  In the meantime, here is a Power Ranking of our ten favorite team names in the TSL:

10. What a Dump
11. Interdimensional Lightning Falcons
12. Raw Milkers
13. Bird Watching in my Birkenstocks
14. Cunning Stunts
15. PowerPuff Girls
16. Sticky Bandits
17. D-Generation X Y and Z
18. Sausage McMuffins
19. GirthQuakes

That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this week!  If you have any thoughts about QB rankings, or you want to make sure we know who's throwing for your team, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  You tell him, he'll tell us.  

What's YOUR ranking?

Week 1 Power Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Tuesday, 29 April 2025 17:46

Published: Tuesday, 29 April 2025 17:46

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 2119

POWER RANKINGS

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  If you've read our article in the past (if for no other reason than to complain about how wrong we are) then you’re familiar with the concept – every week we share our rankings for the Top QBs in the League and discuss who’s trending up and who's trending down.  We on the QB Power Rankings Committee are not what you'd call "great writers" (or even "very good" writers... check out the Godfather if you want better writing) so we typically lean heavily on graphs and stats instead... at least, we do after a few weeks, when there's significant enough data to bother sharing.  In our season opening articles we also make a few predictions for the session and re-print an explanation of how these Power Rankings work, which we've copied and pasted almost verbatim from previous articles.

So a little Q&A to refresh your memories:

“There are 54 teams in the TSL this season!  Are you going to show rankings for all 54 starting QB’s every week?”

Not even close.  At minimum, the Top Ten will be shown EVERY week.  We always expand as the season goes on, so you'll see a Top 15, Top 20... last season we got to a Top 25, so we do try to be inclusive.

“Is this going to be heavily biased towards the higher divisions?”

In a word: yes.  The purpose of a Power Ranking is to highlight the absolute best in the League, and for the most part the best are competing AGAINST the best.  We will absolutely be acknowledging the performances (good and bad) of Quarterbacks in the lower divisions as well, but it's rare that a lower division QB will crack the Top Ten or Fifteen, and that's the way it should be.  Generally speaking, if you don't like your ranking, our advice is to try moving up a division next session.  The better your competition, the more credibility you earn for beating it.

"Are gender team QBs treated differently in the Rankings?"

Not really.  A team's a team, and although gender team scores tend to be a little higher (every TD = minimum 8 points) we don't see much difference.  It takes skill to win with men; it takes skill to win with women.  The biggest knock on gender teams is that they tend to play in lower divisions and as we said above, we do factor THAT into our rankings.

"How are you ranking backup QBs if they come in and play better than some other team's starter?"

Generally, we're only ranking one QB per team, even if you've got a player on your bench that you think could be a successful starter elsewhere.  And for teams with unreliable QBs who don't show up often enough for us to even KNOW who the starter is, we often leave them out of our rankings entirely... as they say, the best "ability" is "availability".  If you want to get ranked, show up and play as often as you can.  

"I'm new to this League and people don't know me yet!  How do I get ranked when I'm still an unknown?"

For starters, you should play really well.  If you're scoring a lot of points, we WILL notice you.  There are several new teams this session, so we probably DON'T know who you all are yet.  We no longer have our own email address, so if you want to tell us about your QB, why not email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and introduce yourself?  And please, please be patient.  If you're the highest scoring team in the League in Week 2, that doesn't mean we're anointing you as the next Mike Thomas just yet.  Keep at it, play well, and we promise eventually we will recognize you.

"What about Breakfast Club QBs?"

Breakfast Club is for fun, not crushing your opponents, so if you're running up the score to try to get noticed... well, that only makes you an asshole!  We don't put a lot of stock in the stats from Breakfast Club and don't factor that into our Rankings.

“So you’re only ranking QB’s… what about the rest of us?”

Oh, we didn’t forget about the rest of you.  In addition to the QB Rankings, we will do our best to put out other rankings that the rest of you can enjoy – best team offenses, best team defenses, best referees, best male receivers, best female receivers, best at bar …  ranking anything is always fun.  Unless we rank you last, of course.  

“You keep saying ‘we’.  Who is writing this?  Who determines these rankings?”

Don’t worry about who’s writing this.  Let’s be honest: If you knew who was on our Committee (there's a few of us), you would incessantly whine to them about why you or your QB should be ranked higher every week.  Anonymity is key for journalism THIS important.  

And that's how the Power Rankings work.  We expect it's going to be an incredible season, with fifty-ish teams battling for TSL supremacy.  Our official bold predictions for this year (with the benefit of one week already being in the books, of course): 

• Come From Behind makes it to the D4 Finals… but lose the game
• What a Dump defeats Eyes Downtown in the regular season… but Eyes Downtown wins the playoff matchup (IF they meet in the playoffs at all)
• Every team in D5 loses at least two games.  Too tough a division to go undefeated (or even 7-1!)
• TSL Legend Joey Batts wins ZERO championships this Spring, after winning every single game in the Fall
• The Wanderers finally win their first TSL championship this Spring, winning by less than 6 points in the Finals game
• Out of the three truly “all new teams” (Show Me Your TDs, Mo Chicken, Raw Milkers), Raw Milkers will finish with the best record this season

But what do we know?  We went 3 out of 6 on last year's predictions:

• PowerPuff Girls take the #1 seed in the D5 regular season... but they don't win the D5 Championship game [NAILED it.  PowerPuff Girls DID take the #1 seed, and Come From Behind won the championship.]
• Bullet Club and Toppers All-Stars & Todd repeat this session as needing play-in games to make the D3 playoffs (and this time, Topper doesn't forfeit!) [Half right, but that doesn’t really count – Toppers All Stars & Todd were in the play-in game for D3 last year, but Bullet Club made fools of us all by finishing 5-4]
• Joey Batts wins exactly one championship this Fall session [Joey Batts didn’t lose a game last session, and we promised EXACTLY one championship, so we got this one very wrong]
• The Malones play in, but lose, the D2 Championship game [The Malones were one play away from WINNING the D2 championship game and proving us wrong… but Mavericks beat them on their final drive, which means we got this prediction 100% right]
• Day by Day will win the D6 Championship this Fall.  You heard it here first. [They did not.  Congrats to Blitzkrieg!]
• Cobblestone will forfeit at least one OTHER game this season (besides the one they forfeited on Saturday) [Sadly we got this one right too.  Darryl, man… build a more reliable roster!]

So there you go.  Let's get to the first QB Power Rankings of the Spring 2025 Season.  

As always, we do NOT overreact to one week's worth of games in our first Power Rankings of the season.  You also might not see MANY new people yet because we need a larger sample size to see how some of these changes play out.  Sorry if you don't like it, but if people are good enough, their stock will rise quickly and we'll get them Ranked over the next few weeks.  

Here are your Top Ten starting QBs in the TSL:

#1 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Undefeated Fall (and Winter?) champion Joseph Battaglia starts on top of the Power Rankings of course.  No games for either of this teams this week – do we think he requested the bye week to ensure he’d stay on top of the Power Rankings for at least one more week?

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Beat Freeballers 30-17

Eyes Downtown had like 80% roster turnover since Fall season, but it doesn’t seem to have slowed Bobby down much.  Eyes Downtown rolled to an easy 14 point win their opening weekend, and they’re #1 in the D1 standings as well.

#3 Mike Thomas – Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Beat Freeballers 39-32

The reigning TSL D1 Quarterback of the Year started the season with a close win against Freeballers.  Why does Bobby McConnell start higher on the Power Rankings than Mike Thomas when they played the exact same opponent and Mike scored more points?  Sometimes these things don’t make any sense…

#4 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week:  Beat What a Dump 40-30

There has been a bit of a “Big Three” in the Power Rankings for the last year or so, but it might be time to expand that to a “Big Four”.  Frodo Swaggins leads D1 in scoring after one week, and they were on the cusp of making the Championship game last Fall.  Look for these guys to make the jump to serious contenders this Spring.

#5 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week:  Beat Show Me Your TDs 64-0

Let’s be clear: Ryan isn’t 5^th in the Power Rankings because Can’t Touch This beat the shit out of a brand new team in their first ever game.  Ryan is 5^th in the Power Rankings because he has evolved into one of the most complete quarterbacks in the League.  CTT plays in D2, but Dougherty HAS beaten the two QBs listed above him in these Power Rankings before…

#6 Jordan Lawson – Freeballers / Mavericks

Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 39-30, lost to Eyes Downtown 30-17 (Freeballers)

No games for Mavericks yet.  Jordan chose to keep them in D2 this session, but is ALSO playing D1, so we can’t really play the “too scared to move up” card, right?  Either way – D1 is hard, especially throwing for a new team.  A doubleheader against two former champions didn’t help either.

#7 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week:  Beat Buffalo Vice 45-22, beat Let’s Get Recked 31-27

Every year we are convinced that the Wanderers will win D3 and make the jump to D2, and every year their season ends a little earlier than we thought.  We’re not afraid to call it again (just look at our bold predictions above!), they’re going ALL the way this season.  Frank is too good to not win this championship eventually.

#8 Rhace Colon – The Malones

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 38-17

We don’t like putting “rookie QBs” in the Top Ten until they’ve had a few more games to prove their worth, but The Malones looked PRETTY GOOD against a solid Scared Hitless team last week.  It sounds like Rhace is taking over from Andy Strug this session (who is moving to receiver).  That’s a bold move for a team that was on the verge of winning D2 last session with their last QB.

#9 Cody Stumpf – What a Dump

Last Week:  Lost to Frodo Swaggins 40-30

TWO “rookie QBs” in a row!  We don’t do this very often (if ever).  What a Dump is the Eyes Downtown offshoot team that has most of the “Eyes Downtowny” talent, with a new face at QB.  They lost their first game of the season, but Cody has thrown before (gender teams, wine tournament etc) and we’re betting that these guys will find their rhythm soon.

 #10 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Lost to The Malones 38-17

“Scared Hitless lost to the Malones.  So has everyone else who has played them this year.  Probably not a big deal, we're thinking.” That’s what we wrote in Week One of last Fall’s Power Rankings, and it’s shockingly true several months later.  They lost Travis this season, and potentially new add George Lombardo as well, so not off to a great start… but we’ve counted Scared Hitless out before just to see them finish strong.

Fancy Statistics Section

Yeah, right.  You're not getting any fancy statistics out of us until at LEAST Week Four, and even then we'll tell you the sample size is too small to be meaningful (yes, we're going to copy/paste this line next week too, so get used to it)

That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this week!  If you have any thoughts about QB rankings, or you want to make sure we know who's throwing for your team, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  You tell him, he'll tell us.  

What's YOUR ranking?