WEEK 3 POWER RANKINGS

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Wednesday, 06 September 2023 20:43

Published: Wednesday, 06 September 2023 20:43

Written by Jeff Krol

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#1 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 37-18

Everyone tends to play Labor Day games missing half their teams, and D1 was no exception as seemingly every team was shorthanded.  This might have affected other QBs but it didn't seem to slow down the Sticky Bandits, as Mike cruised to another comfortable win to stay on top of the Power Rankings another week.  Up next are Eyes Downtown... the only team that Mike lost to in the Spring session.

 

#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Beat ILF 27-26

The good news is that Joey engineered a clutch last second Cunning Stunts victory to remain undefeated in D4.  The "bad" news is that Legends succeeded without him as QB as Sean took over this week, adding some fuel to the doubters that have always suggested that "ANYONE could win with this much talent on their team".   Is Joey still QB1, or is this a sign of things to come?  Where would Sean Weisensal land in our Power Rankings if we had to start ranking him?

 

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Lost to Legends 48-43

They may still win the championship, but the TSL's latest super-team won't go undefeated this season after falling to Legends this week.  Bobby doesn't drop in the Rankings (he scored 43 points against an elite defense) but he does drop in the D1 standings.  The top three teams look like they'll get a bye if the five-team D1 works like last Spring's five-team D2, and fortunately for Bobby Eyes Downtown aren't in any danger of falling out of the top three.

 

#4 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Mavericks

Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 37-18 (Losing Streak), beat THREAD 47-20 (Mavericks)

The dreaded Labor Day conflicts limited Jordan's available weapons on Losing Streak last week so tough to read too much into that game one way or another.  We DO read into the 27 point victory over THREAD though, and suspect that Mavericks will very much be in the D2 title chase this season.  And look!  They played defense!

 

#5 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week:  Beat Untouchaballs 47-41

Every season there seems to be a QB that elevates his game to a different tier.  Last session it was Garrett Beesing and his shockingly competitive Frodo Swaggins, and before that it Jeremy Burr with Untouchaballs.  This season's "most improved player" is clearly Ryan Dougherty.  Can't Touch This haven't slowed down at all since making the jump to D2, and we'll admit we're surprised.  They were 5-3 in D3 last session and barely won the D3 Championship game.  The fact that the same core of players is now 4-0 in a higher division is impressive to say the least.

 

#6 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week:  Lost to Can't Touch This 47-41, lost to THREAD 47-41

We're not sure what's more unlikely: one team having two losses with 47-41 final scores in the same day, or a Matt Helm defense giving up over 90 points in the same day.  Untouchaballs allowed 17.0 PPG last session!  Although he's surpassed by Ryan in the Power Rankings this week, we'd remind you that Burr DID score 82 points in these games, so not a horrible day at the office by any means.

 

#7 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins / BAADies

Last Week:  Lost to Legends 52-40 (Frodo Swaggins), beat Spinelli's Plumbing 57-52, tied Goatsack 44-44 (BAADies)

Three games scoring 40, 44 and 57 points is usually a pretty good day for a QB.  In this case it only worked out to a 1-1-1 record for Garrett, but sometimes that's the way it goes.  Frodo seems locked into that "Godfather's going to give them 1000-1 playoff odds at the end of the season" status, but BAADies are going to be fascinating to watch.  The thing about gender teams is that they often have game conflicts during the regular season with their girls' "first teams".  If Garrett's at full strength for playoffs when divisions all play at different times though, BAADies could be a surprise contender.

 

#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Scared Hitless.  They're still undefeated, in case you've forgotten.

 

#9 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for the Wanderers.  They're still undefeated too, but we suspect you knew that one.

 

#10 Travis Cleavenger - Cle-Avengers Assemble

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Cle-Avengers Assemble.  What's with all these byes?

 

#11 Mark Dalfonso - THREAD

Last Week:  Beat Untouchaballs 47-41, lost to Mavericks 47-20

What's with all these 47 point games?  THREAD scored and allowed 47 in separate games on Saturday to bring their record to 2-2.  Mark is a stud, and one of only six men to ever be ranked #1 in the 67 weeks that we've been doing QB Rankings.  We assume that after a few year's off, THREAD will only get better as they knock the rust off.  That, or their muscles have all atrophied and they'll start falling apart.  Let's hope it's not that!

 

#12 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Freeballers

Last Week:  Did Not Play

How have Freeballers still only played one game this session?  

 

#13 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad / 716

Last Week:  Lost to Bullet Club 42-39, lost to Let's Get Reccked 36-21 (716)

Practice Squad and 716 are a combined 0-5, and B hasn't won a regular season game since October 1st 2022 (ironically that game was Practice Squad beating 716, the other team he now QBs for).  He's still a top dog in the TSL and he seems to save his magic for playoffs, but we'd still LIKE to see him win a regular season game this year...

 

#14 Terrell Bolden - The Family

Last Week:  Beat The Malones 68-46, lost to Vaspian 36-32

Sixty eight points is a lot.  Terrell Bolden was SLINGING it on Saturday as the Family cruised to a huge win over the Malones.  They lost to Vaspian, but that was a game they probably SHOULD have won.  The Family is loaded with athleticism and it all starts with Bolden, who is almost impossible to rush.

 

#15 Alex Buchlis - Let's Get Reccked

Last Week:  Beat 716 36-21

Let's Get Reccked is 0-2 without their starting QB and 1-0 when he's present.  That's a pretty small sample size for games started, especially when your win is against a team that's currently 0-3, but in a few weeks we should have a better idea of Let's Get Reccked is a real contender in the division.  If they aren't, it won't be because they're lacking veteran savvy.

 

 

 

Fancy Statistics Section

So we've said you're not getting any fancy statistics out of us until at LEAST Week Four, because the sample size is too small to be meaningful (how do you evaluate Freeballers with their ONE game played??).  But we get SO bored without our graphs... let's just recklessly throw one together even though we all know it's pointless this early in the season!

 

Here is each team's average point differential per game (green is good, and red is bad).  This will likely look VERY different when we show this again in a few weeks:

 

 

 

That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this week!  As we said above, we don't currently have our own email address anymore, so if you have any thoughts about QB rankings, or you want to make sure we know who's throwing for your team, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  You tell him, he'll tell us.  

 

What's YOUR ranking?

WEEK 1 POWER RANKINGS

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Wednesday, 23 August 2023 12:47

Published: Wednesday, 23 August 2023 12:47

Written by Jeff Krol

Hits: 1134

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  If you've read our article in the past (if for no other reason than to complain about how wrong we are) then you’re familiar with the concept – every week we share our rankings for the Top QBs in the League and discuss who’s trending up and who's trending down.  We on the QB Power Rankings Committee are not what you'd call "great writers" (or even "very good" writers... check out the Godfather if you want better writing) so we typically lean heavily on graphs and stats instead... at least, we do after a few weeks, when there's significant enough data to bother sharing.  In our season opening articles we also make a few predictions for the session and re-print an explanation of how these Power Rankings work, which we've copied and pasted almost verbatim from previous articles.

 

So a little Q&A to refresh your memories:

 

“There are 49 teams in the TSL this season!  Are you going to show rankings for all 49 starting QB’s every week?”

Not even close.  At minimum, the Top Ten will be shown EVERY week.  We always expand as the season goes on, so you'll see a Top 15, Top 20... last season we got to a Top 30, so we do try to be inclusive.

 

“Is this going to be heavily biased towards the higher divisions?”

In a word: yes.  The purpose of a Power Ranking is to highlight the absolute best in the League, and for the most part the best are competing AGAINST the best.  We will absolutely be acknowledging the performances (good and bad) of Quarterbacks in the lower divisions as well, but it's rare that a lower division QB will crack the Top Ten or Fifteen, and that's the way it should be.  Generally speaking if you don't like your ranking, our advice is to try moving up a division next session.  The better your competition, the more credibility you earn for beating it.

 

"Are gender team QBs treated differently in the Rankings?"

Not really.  A team's a team, and although gender team scores tend to be a little higher (every TD = minimum 8 points) we don't see much difference.  It takes skill to win with men; it takes skill to win with women.  The biggest knock on gender teams is that they tend to play in lower divisions and as we said above, we do factor THAT into our rankings.

 

"How are you ranking backup QBs if they come in and play better than some other team's starter?"

Generally we're only ranking one QB per team, even if you've got a player on your bench that you think could be a successful starter elsewhere.  And for teams with unreliable QBs who don't show up often enough for us to even KNOW who the starter is, we often leave them out of our rankings entirely... as they say, the best "ability" is "availability".  If you want to get ranked, show up and play as often as you can.  

 

"I'm new to this League and people don't know me yet!  How do I get ranked when I'm still an unknown?"

For starters, you should play really well.  If you're scoring a lot of points, we WILL notice you.  There are several new teams this session, so we probably DON'T know who you all are yet.  We no longer have our own email address due to some legal restructuring stuff, so if you want to tell us about your QB, why not email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and introduce yourself?  And please, please be patient.  If you're the highest scoring team in the League in Week 2, that doesn't mean we're anointing you as the next Bobby McConnell just yet.  Keep at it, play well, and we promise eventually we will recognize you.

 

"What about Breakfast Club QBs?"

Breakfast Club is for fun, not crushing your opponents, so if you're running up the score to try to get noticed... well, that only makes you an asshole!  We don't put a lot of stock in the stats from Breakfast Club and don't factor that into our Rankings.

 

“So you’re only ranking QB’s… what about the rest of us?”

Oh, we didn’t forget about the rest of you.  In addition to the QB Rankings, we will do our best to put out other rankings that the rest of you can enjoy – best team offenses, best team defenses, best referees, best male receivers, best female receivers, best at bar …  ranking anything is always fun.  Unless we rank you last, of course.  

 

“You keep saying ‘we’.  Who is writing this?  Who determines these rankings?”

Don’t worry about who’s writing this.  Let’s be honest: If you knew who was on our Committee (there's a few of us), you would incessantly whine to them about why you or your QB should be ranked higher every week.  Anonymity is key for journalism THIS important.  

 

And that's how the Power Rankings work.  We expect it's going to be an incredible season, with fifty-ish teams battling for TSL supremacy.  Our official predictions for this year (with the benefit of one week already being in the books, of course): 

• Legends do NOT win the D1 championship for a record fourth straight season
• There will be at least one gender team vs gender team Finals.  We're counting GUCCI as a gender team here to give us some more flexibility, but we'll either seen Father Baker vs Cunning Stunts or BAADies vs GUCCI in a championship game this Fall.
• No one goes winless this season.  Yes, we made that prediction last Spring and got it wrong (twice) but we feel much better about it this time!
• Frodo Swaggins has the worst record of any returning team in D1, but they will make their division's Final Four.
• Freeballers will play in (and maybe win, but that's not an "official" prediction) the D2 Championship game
• Steph's Misty-rious Infection beats the Dirty Dozen in the Breakfast Club Finals

 

But what do we know?  We went 2 out of 6 on last year's predictions:

• Buffalo Vice will shock the world and win the D4 championship.  Why not??  It's their time!! [It wasn't their time.  They were really good, and they made it to the semi-finals, but the D4 championship (as it so often does) went to Puckett All-Stars]
• Last season the Replacements were the only winless team in the League.  This season, every team will be good enough to win at least ONE game. [They weren't.  Practice Squad went 0-8 before winning a playoff game, so they narrowly avoided going winless.  But both Creekers and Back That Pass Up didn't win a single game last session.  Creekers was in the wrong division, and already have a win under their belts this Fall.  Back That Pass Up was in the right division, but just couldn't pull off a W.]
• Eyes Downtown end their recent championship drought and take home the D1 title. [They didn't.  Another D1 championship game, another loss to Legends.]
• Steph Infection does NOT three-peat as Breakfast Club Championship.  Give someone else a turn. [We got this one right!  Congrats to BDSM for taking home the title last season.  Sean is pretty good at this football stuff.]
• Joey Batts does NOT three-peat as the #1 ranked QB by our last Power Ranking of the year.  Please, God, give someone else a turn. [He repeated as the D1 champion, which is all he cares about we're sure.  But he did NOT finish #1 in last season's Power Rankings, as that honor went to Mike Thomas who went undefeated throughout the regular season.]
• GrASS Eaters beat Southside in the D6 championship game.  Take that one to the bank. [We picked the correct winner, AND we picked them beating Southside... only problem is GrASS Eaters beat Southside in the Semifinals, and Two Tuddies in the Finals.  So we can't give ourselves credit for this one either.]

 

So there you go.  Let's get to the first QB Power Rankings of the Fall 2023 Season.  Most of our stars are back, although we have a few notable player movements:

• Two D1 teams have folded this session, so you won't see Andy Smigiera or Dave Eickhoff in the Power Rankings this session
• Jabronies is also not returning for Fall session so another Top Ten QB in Joe Miano will not be back
• Mark Dalfonso returns for THREAD after a nearly three year absence.  He was consistently one of the best QBs in the League for D1 champs Marketing Mayors in the past, so we expect to see him in the Top Ten in no time.
• Jeremy "Hogan" Olsen is back and throwing for Freeballers this session.  He won a D2 championship already with Passed Our Prime, so he's already shown he can do it.

 

As always, we do NOT overreact to one week's worth of games in our first Power Rankings of the season.  Mike Thomas and Joey Batts (at least for Legends) didn't even play last week - you think we're going to remove them from the top two spots?  Not a chance.  You also won't see people like Mark Dalfonso at all this week because we need a larger sample size to see how some of these changes play out.  Sorry if you don't like it, but if people are good enough, their stock will rise quickly and we'll get them Ranked over the next few weeks.  

 

Here are your Top Ten starting QBs in the TSL:

 

#1 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for last season's #1 ranked QB, as the Sticky Bandits will open their season against Frodo Swaggins next week.

 

#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Beat Puckett All-Stars 44-40

Legends may have started the season with a bye week (actually they're starting with two in a row) but Cunning Stunts started strong with a win over D4's reigning and defending champions Puckett-All Stars.  The Stunts should be extra dangerous this season with Katie Salisbury.  Is this a springboard to Joey luring her over to Legends?

 

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 34-24, beat Frodo Swaggins 50-23

The new-look Eyes Downtown have added a bunch of talent (they also kept Blase for some reason?) and the early returns have been exactly what we expected.  Bobby's teams have often started slow and finished strong in recent seasons.  If this is a "slow" start for them, then their finish could just be another D1 title.  

 

#4 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Mavericks

Last Week:  Beat Frodo Swaggins 58-29, lost to Eyes Downtown 34-24 (Losing Streak), lost to Untouchaballs 58-50 (Mavericks)

Jordan had two 50 point performances in his first week across both teams, and has just a 1-2 record to show for it.  Not super encouraging for the Mavericks that they can't play defense, but it's maybe not a bad sign that they hung with Eyes Downtown so well.  Losing Streak and Eyes Downtown play each other again next week (yes, D1 is not a very big division) and a win in the rematch would take a lot of pressure off of Losing Streak in the standings.

 

#5 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins / BAADies

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 50-23, lost to Losing Streak 58-29 (Frodo), lost to GUCCI 44-16, beat Not So Sticky 44-30 (BAADies)

Frodo Swaggins was the feel-good story of D1 last session, but this summer saw two of the "easier" opponents in that division fold while Scared Hitless moved down to D2.  All that's left for Frodo are the heavy hitters every week, and most of THOSE teams reloaded by robbing the corpses of the teams that died.  Could be a long session for Frodo if they can't stop an opponent from scoring 50 points against them.  BAADies might fare better in D5 (GUCCI aside) as Garrett knows how to get his girls involved more than most QBs in this League.

 

#6 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week:  Beat Mavericks 58-50, beat Cle-Avengers Assemble 39-22

Untouchaballs lost in the championship game last Fall in a division that they should have won (in their minds at least).  They looked incredibly motivated to right that wrong on Saturday, handily beating Travis's newest D2 contender and dropping 58 on Mavericks to start the season 2-0.  We don't think it's too early to call Untouchaballs the favorites in D2 this session.

 

#7 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week:  Beat Cle-Avengers Assemble 48-33

It's too early to tell ANYTHING about this season of course, but one week in it definitely LOOKS like Can't Touch This will be okay after moving up to D2.  Ryan dropped 48 points on some VERY good players Saturday, and this is a team that doesn't look like they want to chalk Fall 2023 up to a "learning season" -- they plan to win right now.

 

#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Beat THREAD 26-25, beat Practice Squad 36-22

Scared Hitless struggled to compete in D1 last season after some female roster turnover and made the decision to drop down to D2 this Fall.  So far they seem right at home, having already won more games this season than they did last Fall.  Of course it probably helps to start the season against a team that hasn't played in three years and a team that didn't win a game in the Spring regular season, but Dylan doesn't make the schedule, he just beats teams on it.

#9 Travis Cleavenger - Cle-Avengers Assemble

Last Week:  Lost to Untouchaballs 39-22, lost to Can't Touch This 48-33

Travis's latest D2 project is Cle-Avengers Assemble, and they're off to a rather slow start right now having dropped their opening games against Untouchaballs and Can't Touch This.  But if we can loosely steal an Avengers quote here (and we will), "this was never going to work if they didn't have something to avenge".

 

#10 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No games for the Wanderers this week, so Frank Laudico rises into the Top Ten based solely on the "retirements" of Eickhoff, Smigiera and Miano.

 

 

Fancy Statistics Section

Yeah, right.  You're not getting any fancy statistics out of us until at LEAST Week Four, and even then we'll tell you the sample size is too small to be meaningful (yes, we're going to copy/paste this line next week too, so get used to it)

 

 

That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this week!  As we said above, we don't currently have our own email address anymore, so if you have any thoughts about QB rankings, or you want to make sure we know who's throwing for your team, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  You tell him, he'll tell us.  

 

What's YOUR ranking?

WEEK 2 POWER RANKINGS

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Friday, 01 September 2023 13:30

Published: Friday, 01 September 2023 13:30

Written by Jeff Krol

Hits: 906

 

#1 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Beat Frodo Swaggins 37-28

The Sticky Bandits picked up where they left off last season (at least last regular season) with a win over Frodo Swaggins.  The team was shorthanded enough that Mike was forced to play defense and start three girls on offense, but the result was the same.  Can the Bandits keep up with Eyes Downtown and Legends and other teams that have improved this offseason?  We don't expect they'll go 8-0 again, but we do expect they will still be in the Championship mix at the end of the season.

 

#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Beat PWI 52-12, beat Buffalo Vice 61-33 (Stunts)

Legends continue their long Championship celebration sabbatical, so Joey's only action this season has been for the Stunts, who are immediately massive favorites to win D4.  This is primarily a QB article so we'll start by pointing out the 113 points Joey scored this week... but we ALSO want to point out that they allowed only 45 points in those same games, which is an incredible showing for a gender team.  Must be fun to win doubleheaders by nearly 70 combined points.

 

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 47-33

Legends haven't even played yet, and the Sticky Bandits have only played one game against Frodo... but doesn't it already seem like Eyes Downtown are huge D1 favorites?  Losing Streak has GREAT defensive players, and yet Bobby nearly dropped 50 against them.  We also expect they'll get BETTER throughout the season too as Bobby adjusts to his new receivers' strengths and weaknesses.  Eyes Downtown have fallen short in the last two D1 Championship games, but this could be their best chance in years.

 

#4 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Mavericks

Last Week:  Beat Frodo Swaggins 59-36, lost to Eyes Downtown 47-33 (Losing Streak), lost to Can't Touch This 45-38 (Mavericks)

Jordan is currently 2-0 against Frodo Swaggins this session and 0-4 against everyone else.  That's not his fault of course (Mavericks are scoring boatloads of points, and both D1 losses were to Eyes Downtown) but it CAN'T be a lot of fun for someone so used to winning.  Both teams still seem like they have enough talent to compete for Championships so we're not writing off either one of them yet.  But it'll be on Jordan to keep spirits up throughout this "losing streak" (we use that joke once per session, relax).

 

#5 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Untouchaballs this week.  Burr rises one spot in the Rankings with a few losses by our next guy...

 

#6 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins / BAADies

Last Week:  Lost to Losing Streak 59-36, lost to Sticky Bandits 37-28 (Frodo Swaggins), lost to Come From Behind 48-19 (BAADies)

Frodo and BAADies are a combined 2-6 with a -122 point differential.  Not the start Garrett was hoping for, but it doesn't make him NOT a top quarterback in this League.  With respect to the Godfather as the only REAL source of Championship odds, we would guess two weeks into the season that Frodo is maybe a 200-1 favorite to win D1 (they won't get many better chances to win than a short-handed Sticky Bandits this season) and BAADies maybe a 6-1 favorite to win D5 (they can do it, but they probably need all their top girls present).

 

#7 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week:  Beat Mavericks 45-38, beat Practice Squad 19-6

How do you win one game 45-38 and then the other 19-6?  Seems almost impossible you'd be so good offensively and so bad defensively one game, and then completely swap talents the next game.  Whatever happened, Can't Touch This are 3-0 and in first place in D2 their first session after moving up a division.  Ryan's arm is clearly no secret at this point, but word is getting out that his girls can really play also.

 

#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Scared Hitless this week.  Remember when they beat All We Do is Quinn for a championship in overtime???

 

#9 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week:  Beat The Malones 43-33, beat Keller Whales 37-31

The Wanderers were one play away from beating Can't Touch This in the D3 Finals last Spring.  Would they be matching CTT's success in D2 right now?  Who knows.  But they're undefeated in D3 right now after winning their first two games of the session, and they're probably heavy favorites to win it all... depending how good The Family turns out to be.

 

#10 Travis Cleavenger - Cle-Avengers Assemble

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Cle-Avengers Assemble this week.  How many D2 titles has Travis won over the years?  DILFs and No Punt Intended, is that all?

 

 

Fancy Statistics Section

Yeah, right.  You're not getting any fancy statistics out of us until at LEAST Week Four, and even then we'll tell you the sample size is too small to be meaningful (yes, we're going to copy/paste this line next week too, so get used to it)

 

 

That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this week!  As we said above, we don't currently have our own email address anymore, so if you have any thoughts about QB rankings, or you want to make sure we know who's throwing for your team, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  You tell him, he'll tell us.  

 

What's YOUR ranking?

WEEK 8 POWER RANKINGS

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 15 June 2023 16:45

Published: Thursday, 15 June 2023 16:45

Written by Jeff Krol

Hits: 952

 

Full disclosure: Dylan Jaloza is obviously one of the better QBs in this League, but we left him out because he's missed so much time this season, and we have no idea how to rank him compared to more full-time players.

 

#1 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Beat Frodo Swaggins 42-34

The Sticky Bandits were the TSL's only undefeated team in the regular season, and they did it in the highest division.  They were also only 5 points away from being the highest scoring team in D1, which they surely would have gotten if their team had ever cared to run up the score when ahead.  Thomas's #1 rank was never in doubt.

 

#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Lost to Losing Streak 55-29 (Legends), beat Creekers 53-26 (Stunts)

Legends and Stunts went a combined 12-4 with two second-place finishes and 540 combined points (36.0 PPG).  Did Legends lose one game this season with Melanie?  The champs are the champs until someone dethrones them, and Joey doesn't look ready to give up his "alpha dog" spot in the League just yet.

 

#3 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Mavericks

Last Week:  Beat Legends 55-29 (Losing Streak), beat Practice Squad 39-25 (Mavericks)

Jordan jumps back into the #3 spot this week with a convincing win over Legends.  There are three QBs with winning records in D1 this session, and it's no coincidence that they occupy the #1 through #3 spots in our Rankings.  If you want to simplify Jordan's regular season into one stat, make it this one: he finished with the highest points per game in both D1 and D2.

#4 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins / BAADies

Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 42-34 (Frodo), beat Travis Henry's Kids 62-46 (BAADies)

A one score loss against the top seeded team in the League, a second 60-point game against Travis Henry's Kids this season, AND a Breakfast Club playoff win.  Any way you measure it, this season has been a huge success for Garrett Beesing, who went from "he's actually a decent QB, seriously" to "legit top guy in this League" seemingly overnight.

 

#5 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 42-34

Eyes Downtown with a losing record wouldn't have felt right.  Thankfully they don't have to worry about that now after beating Tight Ends in Motion for the second time this season.  The narrative of D1 this session continues to be "there's three good teams at the top", but we can't help but feel like Bobby's going to bring together his best squad over the next couple of weeks and push his way into the D1 Finals through sheer force of will.

 

#6 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week:  Beat Freeballers 33-15

Untouchaballs had a losing record somehow last season.  It's impossible to imagine that now the way they're blasting the competition in D2 this season.  There won't be any "feel good stories" from this team this session, it's Championship or bust at this point.  And watching them dismantle teams every week, we bet on "Championship".

 

#7 Travis Cleavenger - No Punt Intended

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for No Punt Intended this week.

 

#8 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 36-35

Grey Hair - Don't Care beat Frodo Swaggins by 30 points on April 22nd, the first day of the season.  They did not win another game until June 10th, the last day of the season.  Can we call this one-game winning streak "momentum"?  We expect Legends will present a bigger challenge next week than Scared Hitless, and it might take a miracle to keep the "winning streak" going.

 

#9 Andy Smigiera - Tight Ends in Motion

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 42-34

Tight Ends is finally showing a little life offensively as the team put up 34 in a losing effort against Eyes Downtown on Saturday (and rumors are it could have been way more if not for some critical drops by Andy's receivers).  Thanks to finishing in the middle of the D1 pack, TEIM have locked up a THIRD game this season against Eyes Downtown.  They've lost the first two, but TEIM is full of savvy vets who will know what adjustments to make in their third try.

 

#10 Joe Miano - Jabronies

Last Week:  Lost to Itches and Ohs 42-41

Jabronies was the anti-Grey Hair this season.  Grey Hair started and ended the season with wins and lost everything in between, while Jabronies started and ended the season with losses and won everything in between.  What does this mean for playoffs?  Probably nothing.  Joe still has a great receiver corps to throw to and we don't expect a first round upset against a low seeded team.  A Kleckler team would never do that, right?

 

#11 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Ryan this week... but he moves up in the Rankings on the losses of other QBs.

 

#12 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week:  Lost to Bullet Club 36-30

This was the revenge game Wanderers waited all season for... and they still lost at the end??  That's not the way fairy tales are supposed to go.  When Topper finally bankrolls a movie version of this season, let's re-write the script so Wanderers wins at the end, okay?  Ultimately the first TSL Wanderer season was as competitive and exciting as we expected, with nearly every game being decided by a single score.  Bet on veteran savvy to give them a little boost in the playoffs.

 

#13 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Lost to Grey Hair - Don't Care 36-35

With the loss to Grey Hair on Saturday, Scared Hitless have now officially lost to every team in D1 this session.  Not the season we expected from them after last Fall's playoff run.  Maybe they'll shock the world again, but right now it's just difficult to imagine that.  Their only win this season was a last minute 3 point victory over the second-last place team in D1.  Sorry... their only win so far. 

 

#14 Alex Buchlis - Let's Get Reccked

Last Week:  Lost to Degeneration SeXy 34-32

Let's Get Reccked continue to baffle us week to week.  Sometimes they're hot on O and cold on D, sometimes they're cold on O and hot on D.  Their four losses this year were by 1, 2, 3 and 7 points, so no one has decisively beaten them yet.  Can they find another gear in the playoffs, or will every game continue to be a coin flip for who comes out on top?

 

#15 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice

Last Week:  Beat Puckett All-Stars 51-22

Beating Puckett All-Stars a couple weeks ago was a statement that they're as good as anyone in their division.  Beating Puckett All-Stars AGAIN this week was a statement that they're BETTER than anyone in their division, and deserve to be the #1 seed for playoffs.  Never say never, but... they are NEVER going to lose to Creekers next week, which means only two more wins to go after that for a long-awaited Championship.

#16 Vince Taverna - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week:  Lost to Buffalo Vice 51-22

Puckett has found their kryptonite in Buffalo Vice, while dominating the rest of their division.  They've allowed 195 points on defense all year, not including that "21-21 tie" they were given against PWI.  104 of those 195 points were against Buffalo Vice (more than 53% of their season total).  Crazy.  Can we have a rematch in the D4 Finals please?

 

#17 Jeff Easton - Bullet Club

Last Week:  Beat Wanderers 36-30

No way around it, Jeff has not looked his best since coming back from taking a huge chunk of the season off.  Bullet Club did just enough to get the win over Wanderers on Saturday, but if they're going to make any noise in the D3 playoffs (by FAR the tightest division in the TSL right now top to bottom) they're going to need bigger games from their QB.

 

#18 Scotty Drosendahl - Degeneration SeXy

Last Week:  Beat Let's Get Reccked 34-32

Full disclosure: we KIND of forgot about Scotty after D-Sex got off to a rough 0-4 start.  Since then however they're 3-1 and reminding teams that they're still a contender in D3.  Wasn't Scotty historically a strong starter with a weak finish every season?  This one feels different.  Sorry we ignored you as long as did in the Power Rankings Scotty, you were better than that.

 

#19 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs / GrASS Eaters

Last Week:  Beat Jabronies 42-41 (Itches), beat Back That Pass Up 37-9, beat Blitzkrieg 38-20 (GrASS)

Moser won three games to finish the season strong, including a huge "upset" over D3 leading Jabronies to snap their 6 game winning streak.  Steve joins an elite group along with Garrett, Joey and Jordan who are legitimately in contention to win two championships this session.  GrASS Eaters have been killing everyone lately, and Itches always seem to be in the game in the closing seconds one way or another.

#20 Buddy Lee - Passing While Intoxicated

Last Week:  Beat Cobblestone 54-30

Imagine scoring 54 points in your last game of the year and not even moving up in the Power Rankings.  It's hard when there's this much QB talent in the League, believe us.  PWI wasn't expected by many to go that far this year in their first session in D4, but they've proven the naysayers wrong and battled to a 5-2-1 record on the strength of their intoxicated passer.

#21 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad

Last Week:  Lost to Mavericks 39-25

An 0-8 regular season almost feels like the universe balancing itself out after Practice Squad dominated throughout 2022.  They'll do better in Fall session, and they might even beat Freeballers on Saturday.  But Practice Squad will not be getting past this Untouchaballs roster, at least not this season.

 

#22 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids

Last Week:  Lost to BAADies 62-46

It's been a rough finish for Travis Henry's Kids with four straight losses.  It seems like a team needs about 50 points per week to be successful in D4 this session, and unfortunately the THK defense has given up 28, 52, 60 and 62 in the last four weeks (all losses).  The "Langley to Pete" connection may still be potent, but it doesn't solve any of their defensive woes.

 

#23 Paul LoVullo - Come From Behind

Last Week:  Beat TMA 26-22

Come From Behind finished the regular season with the most points per game (33.1) and fewest points per game against (19.0) in their division.  In fact, they had the fourth best point differential per game (margin of victory) of any team in the TSL.  Great athletes and playmakers and QB with a rocket launcher for an arm?  Sounds like a recipe for a Championship... if they can keep up with the next QB on our Rankings.

 

#24 Kelly Kane - GUCCI

Last Week:  Beat Not So Sticky 39-29, beat Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 25-16

GUCCI was the only other team in D5 this session to crack 30 PPG.  Although they aren't statistically better than Come From Behind on either offense OR defense, they do have a better record in the standings and, maybe most importantly, the head-to-head win that proves they match up well.  D5 is very balanced this session (GUCCI's only loss is to the "worst" team in the division) so anything can happen in playoffs, but anything less than a Finals appearance for GUCCI would surprise us.

 

#25 Brian Orzechowski - Vaspian

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Vaspian this week.

 

#26 Derek Pew - Tater Tots

Last Week:  Beat Goatsack! 43-0

Maybe there's a perfectly logical explanation for why the Tots lost to Goatsack 39-38 a couple weeks ago and then absolutely BLASTED them on Saturday to the tune of 43-0.  Maybe there isn't.  Either way, we can't imagine a better "get right" game than a massive shutout against a team that beat you earlier in the season.  Tots aren't the statistical favorites in D5, but if Derek goes on a run like he started last week, they should be able to keep up with anybody.

#27 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone

Last Week:  Lost to Passing While Intoxicated 54-30

The TSL's most legendary quarterback finished the season 2-6 with the usual roster issues.  Cobblestone will play the Stunts in the first round, and their first game this year was actually pretty close as the Stunts held on to win 35-26.  Of course this was earlier in the season before the Stunts remembered they were D4 giants, and since then they've gained momentum while Cobblestone has stalled.  Does Darryl have it in him to keep Cobblestone alive one more week?

#28 Tyler Ciemny - Southside

Last Week:  Beat Pit Harade 42-16

Southside probably shouldn't be in D6, we should start with that.  They're the fifth highest scoring team in the TSL, the BEST defense in the TSL, and of course, the best point differential in the TSL by more than a full touchdown.  Southside has won by an average of 21.6 PPG this session, and they're the absolute favorites to run away with their division.  Tyler can scramble and make plays, and teams don't have a hope of catching him without rushing a male player.

#29 Ethan Herbold - Interdimensional Lightning Falcons

Last Week:  Lost to GUCCI 25-16

The ILFers dropped a close one to GUCCI to end their season at 4-4, but somehow that's good enough for third place in a very even D5 this session.  Ethan has been lights out since taking over as QB for the Lightning Falcons midseason, but they still lack a statement win to convince us that they have a chance of winning the division.

#30 Nick Stutzman - Two Tuddies

Last Week:  Beat Mighty Drunks 34-20

It took a few seasons, but the "Tud Buds" have gone from the 0-9-1 to 3-6 to 7-1, improving every session.  We just wrote above that Southside is the "best point differential in the TSL by more than a full touchdown", but that second place team they're leading over?  Two Tuddies.  Do Nick and the Tuddies have what it takes to topple Southside in the playoffs?  They'll be underdogs for sure, but if anyone is used to that role over the past couple seasons, it's these guys.  

 

***

 

Division by Division Review of the TSL

 

For our final analysis of the season, we're going to show you the following:

• The breakdown of best offenses, defenses and net point differentials per division.  As always, stats below have removed forfeit games from the math, so what you see on the charts may not match the website (intentionally).  We tried to color each team's data by their official jersey colors, but half this league apparently uses the same colors so it's not perfect (sorry Cunning Stunts for your sexist pink coloring!)
• A graph of average point differentials per game for each division with a similar "Favorites, Contenders, Pretenders" logic we've used in previous seasons (if you're winning games by an average of 7+ PPG, you're a Favorite in green; if you're losing by an average of 7+ PPG, you're a Pretender in red; all other teams are yellow in the middle; these are not OUR judgments on who falls into each category, it's strictly based on the math of your team's point differentials).  For what it's worth, in the last five seasons that we've been showing these graphs, we've had 19 eventual division champions classified as "Favorites", 11 as "Contenders", and exactly zero as "Pretenders".
• A quick twitter sized recap of the division heading into playoffs, and then identifying which teams are "overrated" and "underrated" in each group.  Note that these last two categories are based purely on what we see in the scores and stats, NOT our own personal feelings of players on each team (we might personally think Jabronies are overrated, but if the underlying numbers say their team is underrated, that's where we'll include them below) so TRY not to be offended thinking the "website is being mean".  We're just reading numbers off a website, man.  Relax.

 

And away we go!

 

Division 1

 

 

The Headline:  Three teams are "favorites", three teams are good enough to play spoiler, and two teams can start planning for next season.

 

Underrated:  D1 was the ONLY division this year whose standings finished in the EXACT order that their point differentials would predict.  In other words, everyone is EXACTLY in the right order with none of the fluky stuff we'll see in some other divisions, so there aren't any real "statistical" outliers.  That being said, the path to the championship is very likely to run through the top three teams in the division, which are Sticky Bandits, Legends and Losing Streak (in whatever order you favor them).  More than likely, how you fare against the top teams will determine how far you go in the playoffs.  Although most teams understandably struggled against the division leaders, Eyes Downtown nearly beat them all.  Losing Streak squeaked by on a successful two point conversion defense.  Legends won by only 6 in a tight game.  And the Sticky Bandits needed a 22 point comeback just to catch up in their game.  Eyes Downtown didn't win any games against the "big three", but they were the only ones who were actually close.  If a full roster in the playoffs gets them an extra 7 points per game, that might be enough to beat two of those teams in the Semis/Finals.

 

Overrated:  That being said, if we're measuring success in D1 by your ability to beat one of the top teams, we'll take Tight Ends in Motion as the most "overrated" team this session.  They're fifth in the standings so just a hair behind Eyes Downtown on paper, but where Eyes Downtown was battling the top teams to single score losses, Tight Ends were losing against those same opponents by 14 (Losing Streak), 26 (Sticky Bandits) and 29 (Legends).  They also went 0-2 against Eyes Downtown, their first round opponent on Saturday, with losses by 11 and 8.  All of TEIM's wins this season came against teams below them in the standings... and they're unlikely to face any of those teams again this season.

 

 

 

Division 2

 

 

The Headline: Untouchaballs have the best team in the division, with a few flawed contenders good enough to beat them on their best day.  Practice Squad is also here.

 

Underrated:  Sometimes the best team in the division is STILL the most underrated, and that's the case here with Untouchaballs.  Here's a graph of the difference between the average point differentials of each division's top team and their second best team (in other words, how much BETTER is the best team than the second best team in each division?)

 

Untouchaballs have the widest lead of any division leader right now, almost a full 10 PPG better than the next best team.  These guys aren't just favorites, they're STRONG favorites.  Has anyone on the website mentioned yet that they've also won 7 in a row?

 

 

Overrated:  It has to be No Punt Intended for the most overrated team here, right?  Their record looks almost identical to Untouchaballs on the surface which makes you think they're almost on the same level.  Nope.  NPI is only +2.38 PPG, exactly 10 PPG less than Untouchaballs and not even as good as the Mavericks who NPI are two wins ahead of in the standings.  It's true that No Punt Intended beat Untouchaballs in the first game of the season by a single point, but the rematch was a much more one-sided affair.  We're not down on NPI by the way, and we fully expect them to make the D2 Finals game.  But we aren't expecting them to win based on the stats.

 

 

Division 3

 

The Headline:  Last Fall we wrote "the TSL's most wide-open division by far.  No dominant teams and no trash teams means anything can (and probably will) happen."  We were right (the 8 seed won!) so let's stick with that.

 

Underrated:  We ALMOST picked Let's Get Reccked because they're in sixth place despite being one of only three teams in D3 with a positive point differential.  Almost... but the clear "underrated" team in D3 has to be Itches and Ohs.  They went 4-4 this season, but two of their losses included a forfeit and a game where their QB (and frankly defensive MVP) was suspended.  They're 4-2 with their "real" squad with their only losses coming by 6 and 10 points, and they're one of only two teams to actually beat the Jabronies this session.  Would it even be considered an upset if they win the championship at this point?  

 

Overrated:  There are no obvious candidates in the numbers for a truly "overrated" D3 team, but we'll take the Wanderers here based on the fact that it's been over a month since they last won a game.  After a 4-1 start they've limped to the finish with three consecutive losses, including one last week to an ALSO ice-cold Bullet Club.  Does momentum mean anything to a team that has played over a decade and been through ups and downs a hundred times before?  Maybe not.  Maybe they come out and smoke Itches and Ohs on Saturday and show us that they've been holding back an extra gear lately.  But it's tough to win games when your defense is giving up nearly 40 PPG like the Wanderers have the past three weeks, so if they want to go far in the playoffs they'll either have to shore up that defense or ask Frank to work miracles on offense.

 

 

Division 4

 

The Headline:  Four dominant teams headline the D4 race, with BAADies improving enough to have a real shot.  THK, Cobblestone and Creekers will not be playing in the Finals.

 

Underrated:  We almost said Puckett All-Stars here because they have the third best point differential per game in the whole TSL, and somehow they're only in third place in their own division (which is really, really hard to pull off).  But it's tough to choose them as "underrated" when they've been beaten twice by the first place team who seems to really have their number.  There is one D4 team with a better claim to being underrated though... and that is Passing While Intoxicated.  Their first round matchup is against BAADies, who they beat earlier this season.  Assuming no other shocking upsets (and yes, it would be shocking if Buffalo Vice, Stunts or Puckett lost in the first round) it would be PWI vs Buffalo Vice in the semi-finals... another team that PWI beat earlier this season.  That would leave PWI to face the winner of Puckett All-Stars vs Cunning Stunts in the Finals, a matchup Puckett decisively won in the regular season.  So if all goes the way it did earlier this season, we would have a PWI vs Puckett Finals... which would be a rematch of the game that never finished this season (and was marked a tie) after a PWI player went down with a medical emergency.  We have no idea how well PWI would do against Puckett in a full game, but they're the ONLY team outside of Buffalo Vice that can make the claim that they haven't lost to Puckett yet this season.  What better place to see how they stack up than the D4 Finals?

 

Overrated:  The Cunning Stunts were our first thought when we started researching "underrated" teams above.  They're on a 5-0 streak since a 1-2 start, and not ONE of those games was particularly close, so they've got to be pretty great, you would think.  But then we looked into the detail more and saw that the scores are a bit misleading.  Two of those five wins are against the Creekers (including one via forfeit) and everyone beat the Creekers.  Travis Henry's Kids seemed like a quality win at the time, but in hindsight we can see that they were starting to implode a bit by then and a four game losing streak would follow.  Yes, the Stunts had quality wins against Passing While Intoxicated and BAADies, and those do matter.  But in all likelihood, the Stunts will have to go through Puckett All-Stars and Buffalo Vice back-to-back to win the D4 championship... and they lost by a combined 94-43 in those two matchups earlier this year.  The Stunts are a GREAT team, but if the top contenders match up well against them, it could be too much of a disadvantage to overcome.

 

 

Division 5

 

The Headline:  Two teams loom large over the rest of the division, and everyone else hopes to play spoiler.

 

Underrated:  TMA is in last place in the division, despite being fifth in point differential.  Yes, they're still negative, and yes, they're not particularly great on either side of the ball right now.  But they're not "last place" bad (at least not statistically) so we choose them as the most underrated team in D5.  Also, they're the ONLY team this season to beat top-rated GUCCI, their first round matchup in the playoffs, so they've already shown they can win this matchup once.  Come From Behind would also have been a great choice here, because they're #1 everywhere in our charts except the standings, but TMA is the better option.

 

Overrated:  Goatsack has a better offense than only Not So Sticky.  They're the worst defense in the division AND the worst point differential per game by a good amount too.  But somehow they're sixth in the standings and one lucky game away from a .500 record?  We're not sure how that worked out.  Statistically, they were the worst team in the division despite the fact that they willed themselves to three wins this season, so we're going to take them as our most "overrated" team.

 

 

Division 6

 

 

 

The Headline:  Southside dominates, Two Tuddies are their biggest threat, and a few other teams also probably have a chance.

 

Underrated:  If you read the Itches and Ohs write-up in D3 above, you can pretty much apply the same thinking here.  GrASS Eaters were 5-3 this session, but two of their losses were when Steve Moser was unable to play.  Who did GrASS Eaters play in those weeks?  Southside and Two Tuddies, of course.  So we have NO idea what would happen if Moser had played the top teams in this division.  As it is the Eaters are third in the division with +6.5 PPG including those two lopsided losses.  If we throw them both out, that would improve to +16.5 PPG, right up there among the elite of D6.  Anyone who thinks that Southside vs Tuddies in the Finals is a foregone conclusion needs to think again, and watch out for the Moser clan.

 

Overrated:  Sausage McMuffins are third in their division and fourth in point differentials.  That alone doesn't make a team "overrated" of course.  It is a bit concerning though that they're 0-3 in their last three games after a 5-0 start.  Yes, one of those games was a forfeit to Two Tuddies, and another was an annihilation at the hands of Southside that same week when they were scrambling for subs.  But the other was a loss to the winless Mighty Drunks, and even before that during their five game winning streak, the McMuffins weren't exactly killing teams (Pit Harade was their only win this year by more than one score).  The McMuffins will be fine.  We suspect they'll beat Blitzkrieg on Saturday to advance to the Semi-Finals.  But the numbers aren't showing us that they're the third best team in this division, and it will likely be an uphill struggle for them once they have to play the top guys in Championship week.

 

***

 

Top Ten Best and Worst Lists for the 2023 Spring Season

 

The division analysis above is the real meat and potatoes of this article, but in case you're curious how you stack up against teams in OTHER divisions, here are the top ten (and bottom ten) teams in the entire TSL for offensive points per game, defensive points per game, and average point differential per game.  As always, forfeit games are excluded:

 

 

What did we learn from this??  The magic numbers for us are always 20 and 40.  Nearly every team in this League averages between 20-40 PPG both offensively and defensively.  If you're higher than 40 offensively or lower than 20 defensively, you're doing an amazing job.  If you're lower than 20 offensively or higher than 40 defensively... you're probably not winning too many games.  This season we had exactly ONE team crack the 40 PPG barrier on offense, so congrats to Puckett All-Stars, our Spring 2023 scoring champs.  Here is how they compare with scoring champions from the previous six seasons:

 

So if Puckett were the BEST offense, who were the worst?  This season we had four teams fail to make it to 20 PPG on offense (Creekers, Back That Pass Up, Scared Hitless and Not So Sticky).  Those teams, unsurprisingly, went a combined 4-28 this season.  

 

Then on the other side of the ball, there were four defenses that held opponents to under 20 PPG (Southside, Untouchaballs, Two Tuddies and Come From Behind).  Those teams, again unsurprisingly, went a combined 27-5.  It's pretty easy to win when the other team doesn't score (that's the kind of insightful analysis you come to this website for, right?).  

 

There was only one team this session that allowed more than 40 PPG defensively and that was the 0-8 Creekers, who cracked both the "failed to score 20 PPG on offense list" and the "failed to hold opponents under 40 PPG on defense list".  It feels like we beat up on the Creekers a lot here, but that's just because we enjoy pointing out statistical anomalies.  So here's a pro-Creekers stat for their team: guys, you are nowhere NEAR as bad as the Replacements were last year!  The Fall 2022 season's punching bag team was 0-9, averaged only 10.8 PPG on offense (barely HALF of what Creekers are scoring) and allowed 48.0 PPG on defense.  Where the Creekers were outscored by 21.7 PPG, the Replacements were outscored by 37.3 PPG.  So you see, it could have been a lot worse!

 

Besides the "40/20 Clubs", what else do we see from the best and worst units in the League?  Southside and Sticky Bandits finished as the only two teams to make the Top Ten Best lists in every category, while Practice Squad, Pit Harade, Goatsack!, Creekers, Back That Pass Up and Scared Hitless all made the Top Ten Worst lists in every category.  And BAADies and Not So Sticky were the only teams to make one Top Ten Best and one Top Ten Worst list.

 

Our final observation from these charts is that Two Tuddies averaged a +15.57 margin of victory each week.  In other words they pretty much won most weeks by... two tuddies (sorry, not sorry).

 

***

 

All-Time Championship Statistics

 

A couple sessions ago we compiled a list of every TSL champion in League history and devised a ranking system to see who the "best teams of all time" were.  This was exhausting to research and put together, but it's now very simple to update once a session, so that's what we've done here.  The timing feels right to update you all on this now JUST before playoffs so we can remind you what you're chasing here... co-ed football immortality.  Here are the current immortals:

 

 

THAT part is objective - the champs are the champs, and we'd like to think history will remember their achievements for 1,000 years to come (history classes will likely debate what exactly the "Tommy Hughes Experience" was).  This next part though is subjective:  we then attempted to compare the relative strength of each division's championships to come up with a ranking system (a D2 title is harder to win than a D4 title) and this is what we landed on:

• A D1 championship is our baseline since it's the best a team can do.  Let's make that worth 100 points.  
• A D2 title is worth, at BEST, 49% of that, since two D2 titles don't quite equal a D1 title (you can argue it should be LESS than 49%, but we've made the choice to weight lower divisions as heavily as reasonably possible here).  49 points for a D2 title.
• A D3 title should be worth 49% of THAT, so about 24 points for each D3 championship.
• Every subsequent division is worth 49% of the previous one, so D4 is worth 11 points, D5 is worth 5 points, and D6 is worth 2 points.
• Indoor championships aren't currently worth a point (though we may revised this in the future).  With apologies to DILFS, Jelly Beans and Sticky Bandits, Winter sessions are often used to make new teams and play with new people.  No team should be penalized in the rankings for doing that instead of entering their usual squad.

 

It's an arbitrary system of course, but it's the one we chose.  So here is the updated list of your "greatest champions of all time" going into the Spring 2023 playoffs (active teams are highlighted below):

 

 

We debated making a change to the math above so that subsequent championships in the same division would be worth less the second time around.  After all, is it fair that Puckett can catch All We Do is Quinn in the rankings by winning their third D4 title this session?  Shouldn't they move up at some point?  But for now we decided to leave it as is.

 

So where does that leave us today?  No one is going to catch Public Enemy at the top any time soon, but Legends can jump from 4th to 2nd if they win this session, pulling even with Green & Associates.  Tight Ends could jump from 8th to 3rd, Eyes Downtown from 9th to 4th, and Sticky Bandits from 13th to 8th.

 

Puckett All-Stars is nowhere near Public Enemy in the overall rankings, but they CAN tie them for most TSL Championships of all-time if they win a fifth this season.  Given how well they're playing, they have a pretty great shot at it too.  

 

Sticky Bandits and Practice Squad both have the opportunity to become the first team in TSL history to win a championship in four different divisions.  Of course the Bandits are 8-0 and Practice Squad is 0-8, so one team probably has slightly better odds than the other.

 

Bottom line, people remember champions, not the teams who come in second place, so immortality can only be found by winning it all.  Good luck!

***

All-Time Quarterback Ranking Statistics

 

We ARE a Quarterback Ranking article after all, don't you think we'd do the same thing with QB Rankings as we do with the Championship rankings above?

 

Below is the list of every QB to every make the Top Ten in the eight seasons (since Spring of 2019) that we've been tracking this.  Yes, we know it's a ridiculous chart, and no, we don't expect anyone but our most faithful readers to even glance at it (it probably isn't even legible on your phone).  We'll summarize it for you below, don't worry.

 

To summarize:

• Across 64 Power Rankings we've done dating back 8 seasons, there have been 33 Quarterbacks to make our Top Ten.
• The highest average position of any QB over this period is Chris Cole, who was our first ever #1, held the top spot on a record 22 occasions (including a record 10 weeks in a row), and never fell outside of the Top 3 in his five seasons in the "Power Ranking era".  He is also tied with Bro Kleckler for the SECOND longest streak of #1 rankings (8 weeks in a row), so in summary, he was pretty good.
• The record for most weeks in our Top Ten belongs to Bobby McConnell, who has been in the Rankings for 60 consecutive weeks.  Bobby missed only the first four weeks of our first season when he was injured, and since his first appearance he has held the top spot 11 times, the second spot 14 times, the third spot 24 times, the fourth spot 9 times, and the fifth spot 2 times (this week and last week).  He has never fallen outside the Top Five in this timeframe.
• There are only five quarterbacks that have ever been achieved the #1 Ranking: Chris Cole, Bobby McConnell, Joey Batts, Bro Klecker, and Mike Thomas.
• Bobby McConnell is the only quarterback to make the Top Ten every season we've been doing Power Rankings.  Joey Batts has made every season (and in fact every WEEK of every season) except for the one he took off from throwing in a higher division.
• Matt Glowacki is the only quarterback to date to make the Top Ten exactly once.  He was ranked 7th our first week in 2019, and has never been back.

And FINALLY, just like the Championships above, we have a system for ranking QBs all-time based on where they fall in our Top Ten (well what did you expect, you're reading an article about QB Rankings).  It's pretty simple: QBs get 10 points for a first place Ranking, 9 points for a second place Ranking, etc.  And when they fall outside of the Top Ten, they stop getting points.  This is HEAVILY biased towards longevity, which is why you'll see the GOAT Chris Cole (who has been retired for three seasons) in third place.  So take this ranking with a grain of salt.  Active QBs highlighted below:

 

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That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this season!  We can't possibly make any other charts for you at this point (this was exhausting) and we doubt anyone has read this start-to-finish anyway.  

 

We don't currently have our own email address anymore, so if you have any thoughts on any of the above, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  You tell him, he'll tell us.  Good luck in the playoffs.

 

What's YOUR ranking?