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WEEK 3 POWER RANKINGS

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Thursday, 11 May 2023 17:31
Published: Thursday, 11 May 2023 17:31
Written by Jeff Krol
Hits: 867
Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings! 
 
Football was played.  Some people won, some people lost.  How's that for an exciting intro?  Let's get right to it:
 
 
#1 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits
Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 30-27
A win's a win, and Thomas keeps it rolling for Sticky Nation.  How many undefeated teams are there left in D1 this session?  Answer: one more than there will be next week, after Sticky Bandits and Losing Streak battle it out for the last undefeated spot in our highest division.
 
#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts
Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 40-12 (Legends), beat Cobblestone 35-26 (Cunning Stunts)
Legends (with Joey under center) and the Stunts both got their first wins of the season last week and our multi-time TSL Villain of the Year looked sharp.  Is it possible that two Joey Batts teams are flying under the radar right now?  Seems crazy considering Legends are the two time defending D1 champs, and the Stunts were the #1 seed just last Fall.
 
#3 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Mavericks
Last Week:  Beat Eyes Downtown 39-38 (Losing Streak), beat Practice Squad 41-37, lost to Freeballers 50-41 (Mavericks)
Eyes Downtown was the signature win that Jordan has been looking for in the TSL since first joining, and it was a classic.  The last time these two teams met was September 25th 2021 and Losing Streak lost 63-6, so this one must have felt good for Jordan and team.  Yeah, Mavericks lost a game, but they scored 41 so give Jordan a break.
 
#4 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown
Last Week:  Lost to Losing Streak 39-38
The last time we wrote about how Bobby had lost two games in a row, we're PRETTY sure he rattled off a seven game winning streak afterwards, so we're not ready to dismiss Eyes Downtown as contenders just yet.  Wins and losses admittedly play a huge part in our rankings, as they should, but even with a 1-2 record, is there anyone in this League who doesn't think Bobby F'n McConnell is one of the top QBs in the League?
 
#5 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care
Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 30-27
A three point loss to undefeated Sticky Bandits is nothing to feel too bad about.  In fact Grey Hair - Don't Care has a one score loss to the Bandits, a one score loss to Eyes Downtown, and a 30 point win over Frodo Swaggins.  These guys aren't that far away from 3-0, and Eickhoff is playing great.
 
#6 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins / BAADies
Last Week:  Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 27-22 (Frodo Swaggins), beat Creekers 28-21 (BAADies)
Everyone's talking about Garrett's "sixth down" scramble/sack where he thought it was fifth down (which is, of course, really funny) but they should be talking about how Frodo became a decent D1 team much faster than we thought they would.  The last two weeks include a win and a one-score loss against teams that have been to the top of the D1 mountain before.  Now if only BAADies would play up to their potential, Garrett would REALLY be cooking...
 
#7 Travis Cleavenger - No Punt Intended
Last Week:  Did Not Play
No game for NPI this week.  Still undefeated.
 
#8 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs
Last Week:  Did Not Play
No game for Untouchaballs this week. 
 
#9 Jeff Easton - Bullet Club
Last Week:  Lost to Itches and Ohs 22-21
Looks like Bullet Club won't be going undefeated this session.  Sure, they were missing some players, but 21 points on a beautiful day isn't enough and Jeff knows it.  The good news: D3 is an awesome, wide open division where anyone can upset anyone on any given week.  The bad news (for Bullet Club): they seem to be very dependent on Pete's attendance, which will give Langley way too much power at his next contract negotiation.
 
#10 Dylan Jaloza - Freeballers
Last Week:  Beat Mavericks 50-41 
We knew Dylan had it in him.  After a couple weeks of interceptions and bickering, Freeballers finally turned it around this week to drop 50 on the Mavericks in a big statement win.  And every one is going to count in the D2 race, where three out of five teams will get a first round playoff bye.
 
#11 Frank Laudico - Wanderers
Last Week:  Beat Vaspian 20-18
Wanderers are kind of, sort of tied for first place in D3 after their win against Vaspian.  Yes, they're losing a tiebreaker against Bullet Club, and Itches and Ohs is still undefeated (is 3-1 better than 2-0?  our website seems to think so) but they still control their own destiny at this point.  The Wanderers may have been around forever, but watching Frank scramble it doesn't seem like he's aged a day.
 
#12 Andy Smigiera - Tight Ends in Motion
Last Week:  Beat Frodo Swaggins 27-22
Andy Smigiera makes his debut in this season's Power Rankings with a win over Frodo Swaggins.  Tight Ends in Motion are always a fairly loaded team, but the adjustment from Bro to Andy (as good an athlete as you'll find in the TSL) was always going to take some time.  Tight Ends have only played two games so far this session, and they scored only 8 in their first, so a win over Frodo can definitely be counted as a step in the right direction.
 
#13 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless
Last Week:  Lost to Legends 40-12
To put their current offensive issues in perspective, Scared Hitless has less than half as many points through three weeks (24) as Puckett All-Stars scored in their first game (62).  It has not been pretty for Hitless, even this week with perennial all-star Jaimie Warren available.  This team needs to figure it out and quickly if they're going to return to Fall form. 
 
#14 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs / GrASS Eaters
Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 22-21 (Itches and Ohs), lost to Sausage McMuffins 37-31 (GrASS Eaters)
Raise your hand if you thought Itches and Ohs would be the last undefeated team in D3 this session.  No one?  Yeah, we were surprised too.  These guys keep winning games they're not supposed to, and Moser is the conductor driving this undefeated train.  Can they beat Bullet Club with Pete?  Can they beat Wanderers?  Can they beat Jabronies?  We want to keep saying no... but at some point we have to acknowledge they're better than we thought.  And GrASS Eaters also played a great game (sorry, we'll talk about them more next week).
 
#15 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad
Last Week:  Lost to Mavericks 41-37
Three games, three one score losses, three times the frustration for B.  At least his team MUST know that they're not truly overmatched in D2 this session since they're in it every single week.  They've started slowly and finished strong before (maybe you remember), they just have to keep believing in themselves and not getting down after the losses.  
 
#16 Alex Buchlis - Let's Get Reccked
Last Week:  Lost to Can't Touch This 19-12
A week after an epic back and forth shootout with the Wanderers, Let's Get Reccked somehow scored only 12 against a Can't Touch This defense that had been giving up 42.5 PPG going into Saturday.  Football is funny like that.  We blame Ricky Recckio for eating four breakfast sandwiches before they game because... someone dared him to?  Opponents, take note: you can neutralize one of Buchlis's best receivers by challenging him to over-eat before games.
 
#17 Joe Miano - Jabronies
Last Week:  Beat Degeneration SeXy 41-28
We won't sugarcoat it: the Jabronies really looked like shit after a 28-7 loss to start the season.  Since then Miano has led his team to 41 and 43 point outings (both wins) and reminded the TSL how good he can be when dialed in.  Jabronies could be the D3 favorites at the end of the day, if Eric Kleckler doesn't get suspended for fighting a plant or something.
 
#18 Vince Taverna - Puckett All-Stars
Last Week:  Beat Travis Henry's Kids 48-18
Which team is currently the largest favorite to win their division?  Okay, you can make an argument for Southside in D6, but Puckett is just crushing people right now.  Their two games so far this season have been a 30 point win and a 38 point win.  Not even close.  Vince QBed this week (and is apparently the man going forward) and we should remind you that Travis Henry's Kids are NOT a terrible opponent, so that's a statement win if ever there was one.
 
#19 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids
Last Week:  Lost to Puckett All-Stars 48-18
Langley had been doing so well lately with solid wins over Cobblestone and PWI.  That ass kicking by Puckett has to sting.  Apparently John was hurt during the game and didn't finish, which likely explains the 18 point offensive showing.  Hopefully nothing serious, because THK will be in trouble without their QB1.  Unless of course, Pete can also QB better than John...
 
#20 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This
Last Week:  Beat Let's Get Reccked 19-12
Can't Touch This started the season with two high scoring losses, and now they add a low scoring win to their resume.  We're guessing that last one feels a lot better.  You'll hear it on this website and podcasts a hundred times, so sorry if this is boring reading, but Ryan really DOES have the best arm in the League.
 
 
 
Fancy Statistics Section
Next week, the sample size should FINALLY be big enough that we can look at some stats and see how the League is shaping up.  So stay tuned!
 
 
 
***
 
That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this week!  We don't currently have our own email address anymore, so if you have any thoughts about QB rankings, or you want to make sure we know who's throwing for your team, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  You tell him, he'll tell us.  
 
What's YOUR ranking?
 

WEEK 2 POWER RANKINGS

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Thursday, 04 May 2023 18:14
Published: Thursday, 04 May 2023 18:14
Written by Jeff Krol
Hits: 1561
Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings! 
 
Week Two is officially in the books.  Stars were born, legends were toppled (that wasn't meant as a dig at Joey, but if the shoe fits...) and great football games were played.  Let's get right to it:
 
 
#1 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits
Last Week:  Beat Legends 29-22
To be the man, you've gotta beat the man, and Thomas has beaten the (formerly) #1 and #2 ranked QBs in two of his last three games.  Easy choice for #1 this week as the Sticky Bandits keep their 2023 hot streak going.  And this guy was a "Most Beloved Male" candidate at our Banquet last Fall too!  Nice guys CAN finish first.
 
#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts
Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 29-22 (Legends), lost to Buffalo Vice 48-26 (Cunning Stunts)
Legends and Cunning Stunts started a combined 10-0 last season.  If we throw out the Legends game QBed by Travis in Week One, they're off to a combined 0-2 start this season.  Joey will be the first to tell you though, no one gives a shit where you start, they only talk about where you finish.
 
#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown
Last Week:  Lost to Frodo Swaggins 37-29
No, Eyes Downtown was nowhere near full strength this week, but losing to Frodo Swaggins was still unexpected for a team with D1 championship aspirations.  You can bet your ass Bobby will be on the phone with his squad this week making sure he has better attendance.
 
#4 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Mavericks
Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 48-12 (Losing Streak), beat Freeballers 40-25 (Mavericks)
Losing Streak has the best record and most points scored in D1 after two weeks, though they still haven't played a team that has beaten anyone.  His next three opponents just happen to be the three QBs ranked above him though, so his destiny is in his own hands for climbing the Power Rankings.  
 
#5 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care
Last Week:  Did Not Play
No game for Grey Hair - Don't Care this week.  No sign of Eickhoff reffing either.
 
#6 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins / BAADies
Last Week:  Beat Eyes Downtown 37-29 (Frodo Swaggins), lost to Passing While Intoxicated 41-36, lost to Puckett All-Stars 62-24 (BAADies)
We're going to skip right past those BAADies losses (where Garrett DID score 60 points along the way, which is by no means terrible) to talk about that Eyes Downtown win.  Welcome to the big leagues Beesing!  After starting in D3 maybe 4-5 years ago (?), Frodo finally won their first game in the highest division.  We don't think they'll be hoisting the trophy this year, but maybe they ARE a threat to upset some teams along the way.
 
#7 Travis Cleavenger - No Punt Intended
Last Week:  Beat Freeballers 38-20
Looks like Travis is the permanent QB of this team now, not Kyle.  No Punt Intended is the last undefeated team in D2, and Travis is 4-0 this season including his Legends backup duty.  It's not going to happen, but... what would Legends record have to fall to before we would put Travis ahead of Joey in the Power Rankings?
 
#8 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs
Last Week:  Beat Practice Squad 28-23
Untouchaballs were dominant last Spring in D3, then they had kind of a weird Fall with multiple forfeits and some close losses.  It's still early, but it LOOKS like Burr has them back on track to being a top contender in D2 this season.  It probably helps to have insane talent like Helm and Mel.
 
#9 Jeff Easton - Bullet Club
Last Week:  Beat Vaspian 37-12
After a couple close games to start their season, Bullet Club got a relatively easy game this week against a Drew-less Vaspian.  Yawn.  Bullet Club takes the W and starts their season in style as the team to beat in D3.  Remember when these guys were getting killed every session (in D2) with other QBs? 
 
#10 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless
Last Week:  Lost to Losing Streak 48-12
Tough to sugarcoat this one, it has been a BRUTAL start to the season for Scared Hitless.  They followed up a 37 point loss in Week One to the Sticky Bandits with... a 36 point loss to Losing Streak in Week Two.  At the current rate, they'll be winning games again by Spring 2025.  Both sides of the ball have been rough, but it's that 6.0 PPG on offense that's working against Dylan right now in our Power Rankings.
 
#11 Frank Laudico - Wanderers
Last Week:  Beat Let's Get Reccked 39-38
The Wanderers have been good as advertised this season... on offense, where they're scoring 34.7 PPG (good for tenth best in the TSL).  Unfortunately they're giving up as many points as they're scoring right now, which is putting all the pressure on Frank to keep up.  So far they're just one "illegal formation" away from 3-0 though, so Frank doesn't seem to be crumbling under the spotlight.
 
#12 Dylan Jaloza - Freeballers
Last Week:  Lost to No Punt Intended 38-20, lost to Mavericks 40-25
We don't have the exact count, but based on eyewitness reports it seems like Dylan threw about seven interceptions between his two games last week.  NOT so great.  Freeballers have all kinds of athleticism on their roster but they'll need a focused Dylan if they want to make a run at the D2 championship.
 
#13 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad
Last Week:  Lost to Untouchaballs 28-23
The bad news: Practice Squad are currently in last place as the only winless team left in D2.  The good news: they've lost each of their games by exactly 5 points, which means they're a tweak away from being undefeated in some parallel universe.  If they win ANOTHER championship as the lowest seeded team, we're betting our life savings on them in D1 next Fall.
 
#14 Alex Buchlis - Let's Get Reccked
Last Week:  Lost to Wanderers 39-38
Buchlis vs Laudico was a battle of two savvy vets who have each been playing the co-ed football game for over a decade now, and it showed.  Let's Get Reccked lost the shootout by a single point, but with apologies to Itches and Ohs (we'll get to them in a second) it's looking like D3 could be a three way dance between Let's Get Reccked, Bullet Club and Wanderers.
 
#15 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs / GrASS Eaters
Last Week:  Beat Degeneration SeXy 38-21
How dare we leave Itches and Ohs out of the D3 contenders conversation!?  Itches started their season without the ever-dangerous Laura Streeter and still pulled off a 17 point win over Degeneration Sexy.  Steve Moser is not going to accept "afterthought" status in the D3 race this season, and may be the early favorite to win D6 as well with GrASS Eaters.  
 
 
 
Fancy Statistics Section
Look: You're STILL not getting any fancy statistics out of us until at LEAST Week Four, and even then we'll tell you the sample size is too small to be meaningful (yes, we're going to copy/paste this line next week too, so get used to it).  But... we do want to show you one "way too early to matter" graphic right now.  This is the chart of every team's offensive points per game after two weeks.  We're intentionally not labeling every team, because that's not the point.  The POINT is to take a look at how much Puckett All-Stars are crushing the rest of the League at this moment (Puckett is shown in pink below):
 
 
Yeah, it's a stupid observation.  They've played only one game against a gender team.  Still, it's pretty cool how much they're lapping the field right now.
 
Oh, and if you're curious who those three teams in single digits are at the other end of the graph, it's Creekers (brand new team), Tight Ends in Motion (we wonder if they miss Bro?) and Scared Hitless.
 
***
 
That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this week!  We don't currently have our own email address anymore, so if you have any thoughts about QB rankings, or you want to make sure we know who's throwing for your team, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  You tell him, he'll tell us.  
 
What's YOUR ranking?

WEEK 8 POWER RANKINGS

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Thursday, 13 October 2022 16:39
Published: Thursday, 13 October 2022 16:39
Written by Jeff Krol
Hits: 5002

 

Welcome back to the FINAL TSL Quarterback Power Rankings of the season!  
 
Yes, unlike our way more productive colleagues the Godfather and the Sentinel, we don't write articles during the playoffs.  We like to sit back and just watch the show, the fireworks, the bloodbath, whatever you want to call it, without having to analyze anything.  So with this being our last article of the year, we've saved a lot for you.  We have our final Top 25 Quarterbacks of the year (no, Topper didn't make the final cut), some updated charts and graphs that you've seen before (if not this session, then other sessions), and then our usual playoff division analysis where we look at each playoff race in detail to pick out any trends in the data we can find.  
 
This will be our longest article of the year, so buckle up!  (Or just quit reading right now if you're too intimidated, that's fine too.)
 
 
 
#1 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts
Last Week:  Beat Eyes Downtown 33-20 (Legends), lost to Travis Henry's Kids 56-40 (Stunts)
For the second season in a row, Joey vaults into the #1 spot on the last day of the season.  Disgusting.  Believe us, we don't like it any more than you do.  Ironically it comes after the Stunts finally lost their first game of the season too.  But tough to argue with the total resumé here: #1 seed in D1, #1 seed in D4, 16-2 combined record, and the highest scoring team in the League by a TON at 50.1 PPG (only one other team broke the 40 point barrier).  More on that 50.1 PPG later...
 
#2 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion
Last Week:  Lost to Frodo Swaggins 21-20
The top spot was Bro's for the taking, and all Tight Ends had to do was beat a D2 team in a crossover game.  Of course, this isn't just any D2 team we're talking about, as "D1.5" Frodo crushed Bro's chances at finishing the year in the top spot in our rankings AND getting a first round bye for the playoffs.  We are huge believers in Frodo Swaggins, but we can't claim to have seen this coming.  Didn't TEIM lose a D2 Crossover game last season also?  
 
#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown
Last Week:  Did Not Play
We didn't see Bobby at the fields this week as Eyes Downtown lost to Legends without him.  We thought this guy never missed a game??
 
#4 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits
Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 44-6, tied Grey Hair - Don't Care 31-31
The Sticky Bandits did JUST enough to pass Eyes Downtown in the standings to take the #3 seed in the D1 bracket by crushing Passed Our Prime and then tying a severely shorthanded Grey Hair team.  Mike finished last season just two points shy of the TSL scoring title, and although Sticky Nation dropped to 15th in scoring this session, they always seem to save a big win or two for playoffs.
 
#5 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins
Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 21-20
It's not impossible to beat a team in a division higher than you in a crossover game, but it's not supposed to happen against the TOP TEAM IN THE LEAGUE!  Tight Ends might have been missing a player or two, but so was Frodo... in fact their top girl wasn't available, because she was playing against them with Tight Ends in Motion.  Major, major credit to Garrett and his teammates for going up against the best in the League and coming out on top.  Sorry we didn't move you up in the Power Rankings!
 
#6 Kyle Conniff - No Punt Intended
Last Week:  Beat Freeballers 34-28
No Punt Intended's only two losses this season were a D1 crossover in their very first game as a team, and the week that Kyle wasn't in town.  Upsets happen in the playoffs, and we usually love that unpredictable element.  Having said that, every single person on our Committee is rooting to see Frodo vs No Punt Intended III in the Finals.  There can only be one champion!
 
#7 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime
Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 33-15, lost to Sticky Bandits 44-6
Passed Our Prime are no cowards.  They won D2 and moved up, knowing that it would cost them their two best players.  Then they scraped together just enough of a short-handed team this past week to beat Scared Hitless and move out of last place in the D1 standings.  Yes, they also got killed by the Sticky Bandits, but again, short-handed!  Hogan makes this team dangerous for playoffs.
 
#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless
Last Week:  Lost to Passed Our Prime 33-15
Scared Hitless finished with a negative point differential against every team in their division this session.  They lost to Legends, Tight Ends and Sticky Bandits, went 0-1-1 against Grey Hair, and 1-1 against Passed Our Prime.  Are they overrated because they haven't been better than a single opponent?  Or underrated because most of those games were so close?  It's really tough to say.  More on that in the division analysis below!
 
#9 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care
Last Week:  Tied Sticky Bandits 31-31
They say tying a game is like kissing your sister.  If that's true, then Grey Hair Don't Care has gone full Targaryen over the last couple of weeks on a 0-0-2 streak against Scared Hitless and Sticky Bandits.  No one can accuse these guys of not playing competitive games!  Mercifully the playoffs are up next, and they'll have to finally win or lose a game... against the team they JUST tied last week.
 
#10 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs
Last Week:  Beat the Replacements 39-0
The Untouchaballs are 2-0 against The Replacements outscoring them 77-12.  They have also forfeited two games this session, which means they've only played five "real" games this season.  It's tough to evaluate how well they'll do in playoffs with such a uniquely small sample size.  Could they beat DILFS?  Sure, they almost did last time the two teams played.  But we can't see them getting past No Punt Intended or Frodo.
 
#11 Vince Taverna - Puckett All-Stars
Last Week:  Beat Spinelli's Plumbing 46-30
Puckett All-Stars were the ONLY standard co-ed team (ie not the Cunning Stunts) to break 40 points per game this session as they finished at 42.9 PPG.  That's pretty impressive!  The next closest team ironically was Spinelli's Plumbing who WOULD have cracked 40 PPG if not for the Puckett All-Stars defense limiting them to 30 this past week.  
 
#12 Travis Cleavenger - DILFS
Last Week:  Beat Buffalo Vice Retro 42-29
We're just assuming Dubey has retired at this point because it seems like the DILFS are all Travis lately.  And why shouldn't they be?  Frodo and No Punt Intended are (rightfully) getting all the credit in D2 because they have better records and MUCH better point differentials, but if we look at offense only, it's NPI 37.1 PPG, Frodo 36.1 PPG, and DILFS 35.1 PPG.  Not a lot of difference between these teams... except that the DILFS defense has allowed about a hundred more points.
 
#13 Dylan Jaloza - Freeballers
Last Week:  Lost to No Punt Intended 34-28
Freeballers are the definition of "average" in D2 right now in the middle of the standings and all our charts (more on that below).  But they've lost to Frodo by 11, and NPI by only 6 this past week.  You think these guys don't believe they can beat either of those super teams?  
 
#14 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing
Last Week:  Lost to Puckett All-Stars 46-30
Spinelli's finished with the third best offense in the TSL, one session after finishing with the seventh best offense in the TSL.  Consistent!  Too bad they're 38th in defense.  Kind of feels like that may come back to bite them in the playoffs, right?
 
#15 Scott Drosendahl - Scott Seniors Starting
Last Week:  Lost to Can't Touch This 46-44
Did Scott Seniors Starting implode exactly like we predicted they would?  Well, they're a narrow Bullet Club loss away from a five-game losing streak to end the season, so yes, we'll say we got that one right.  But Scotty is STILL the highest scoring QB in his division at 35.3 PPG, so let's not blame him?
 
#16 Jeff Easton - Bullet Club
Last Week:  Did Not Play (forfeit win)
After a Get Schwifty forfeit to end their regular season, Bullet Club finished with seven wins, which... look, we didn't go back and check the stats because it's exhausting, but we'd guess that's as many wins as they've had in maybe the last four seasons combined.  It's been a rough stretch for this once powerful team.  Good to see not only are they back in contention again, but they're doing it with Jeff Easton, franchise leader in every passing category (yes, probably picks too).
 
#17 Cody McGregor - Mountain Dew Me
Last Week:  Beat 716 34-26, beat Can't Touch This 28-21
Mountain Dew Me was barely on our radar a couple weeks ago, but now we can't remember why.  They lost to 716 by a single point a few weeks ago.  Had they converted one more 2-point attempt, they'd be on an eight-game winning streak right now.  Sorry for not noticing you, Cody!  We got there eventually...
 
#18 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This
Last Week:  Lost to Mountain Dew Me 28-21, beat Scott Seniors Starting 46-44
Last season Can't Touch This "figured out" the co-ed touch football game partway through the season and went on a tear through D4.  This session they're still doing "fine" in D3, if you consider a 4-5 record and the 29th best offense in the TSL fine, but no one is more gifted than Ryan Dougherty, so we can't help but feel like they should be a little bit better.
  
#19 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad
Last Week:  Lost to Itches and Ohs 41-31
Practice Squad was THE team to beat in D4, and now they've officially finished in last place in the D3 standings this session.  That probably proves that there's a BIT of a talent gap between divisions, right?  Keep that in mind next time you're complaining about how your team's QB isn't ranked higher than the guys with losing records in divisions above him!  But we digress.  B, you're a wonderful QB and you'll figure this out.  But you're not winning D3 this session.
 
#20 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids
Last Week:  Beat Cunning Stunts 56-40
This was the signature win that Travis Henry's Kids have been waiting for all session.  With their season on the line and facing elimination, John Langley played the game of his life and beat the undefeated Cunning Stunts.  Oh, the Stunts will still be favorites against THK in the playoffs this week and rightfully so, but John is ready to flip the script on his "playoff choker" narrative and surprise some people.
 
#21 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack
Last Week:  Beat TOX 30-12
Since their humbling 31-0 loss to Buffalo Vice, Zack Attack have gone 3-0 and won by a combined 117-32.  They have absolutely murdered ILF, Cobblestone and TOX.  They won't be THE favorite in the D4 playoffs this session, but they're not far behind.
 
#22 Seth Molisani - Buffalo Vice Retro
Last Week:  Lost to DILFS 42-29
Buffalo Vice Retro lost again for sixth time this season, but the offense didn't look half bad against DILFS.  Sure, DILFS have one of the worst defenses in the division, but that's still a veteran team that Seth played well against.  We're under no illusions that they won't get smoked by the Freeballers this week, but you never know!
 
#23 Ryan Henry - TMA
Last Week:  Beat Today's Feast 48-40
Can you imagine if TMA had lost a third game in a row?? Fortunately, you don't have to, as they beat Today's Feast by a single score and finished the season 7-2 with the #1 seed and a first-round bye.  Yes, TMA is still the team to beat in D5, but a few weeks ago they were untouchable, and now they're simply very good.  Let's see what version of them shows up on October 22nd.
 
#24 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs
Last Week:  Beat Practice Squad 41-31
After a week out of our Top 25 Steve Moser is officially back, having defeating Practice Squad after tying them earlier in the season.  Itches narrowly beat out Get Schwifty to avoid having the lowest scoring offense in D3 this session.  A very un-Moser like session.  Maybe they've been holding back for the playoffs?
 
#25 Derek Pew - 716
Last Week:  Lost Mountain Dew Me 34-26
716 is third in their division in the standings, but it's worth pointing out that they're actually outscoring both of the "better" teams ahead of them (Bullet Club and Mountain Dew Me).  They're loaded with talent and very capable of beating anyone over the next couple of weeks.  We almost wrote "capable of upsetting anyone", but then we decided it wouldn't feel like much of an "upset" if 716 won.
 
***
 
Division by Division Review
 
For our final stats review of the season, we're going to show you the following:
  • The breakdown of best offenses, defenses and net point differentials per division.  As always, stats below have removed forfeit games from the math, so what you see on the charts may not match the website (intentionally).  We tried to color each team's data by their official jersey colors, but half this league apparently uses black so it's not perfect.
  • A graph of average point differentials per game for each division with a similar "Favorites, Contenders, Pretenders" logic we've used in previous seasons (if you're winning games by an average of 7+ PPG, you're a Favorite in green; if you're losing by an average of 7+ PPG, you're a Pretender in red; all other teams are yellow in the middle; these are not OUR judgments on who falls into each category, it's strictly based on the math of your team's point differentials).  For what it's worth, in the last four seasons that we've been showing these graphs, we've had 15 eventual division champions classified as "Favorites", 9 as "Contenders", and exactly zero as "Pretenders" (although Woodpeckers last session was pretty close!)
  • A quick twitter sized recap of the division heading into playoffs, and then identifying which teams are "overrated" and "underrated" in each group.  Note that these last two categories are based purely on what we see in the scores and stats, NOT our own personal feelings of players on each team (we might personally think TMA is overrated, but if the underlying numbers say their team is underrated, that's where we'll include them below) so TRY not to be offended thinking the "website is being mean".  We're just reading numbers off a website, man.  Relax.
 
And away we go!
 
Division 1
 

 
The Headline:  Two great teams are expected to meet in the Finals, two others are hoping to crash the party, while the other three are all longshots.
 
Underrated:  It would be easy to say Tight Ends in Motion are the most underrated team in the division since they have by far the best point differential in the entire LEAGUE despite being a #2 seed in their own division.  But they also lost to a D2 team last week and Legends the week before that, so as far as momentum goes, they are ice cold at the moment.  
 
Instead, we'll take Scared Hitless as the most underrated team in D1.  Were they a great squad this session?  They were not.  But they weren't "last place in their division" bad either.  Four of their six losses were by one score, and they were at far less than full strength in another.  To have a shot in any division you have to be able to hang with the best teams, and Scared Hitless lost to Legends by 8, Sticky Bandits by 7, and Eyes Downtown by 10.  They were only truly outclassed in one horrific defeat against Tight Ends in Motion (who of course they play in the first round this weekend).  Assuming they're at full strength, as most teams tend to be for playoffs, who knows?
 
Overrated:  Last season three of the four teams in D1 had equally potent offenses but Legends separated itself from the pack with its dominating defense.  This session the returning champs are only fourth in their division defensively and third in the division in total point differential, despite having the best record.  Yes, there's something to be said for winning close games, but their one loss was a BIG one when they lost by 31 to Tight Ends in Motion.  Are they "overrated"?  Only if you consider them a heavy favorite (which they're not).
 
No, for our most overrated team in D1 we'll take Eyes Downtown.  They have the second-best point differential in their division (sixth in the League) and they're the #4 seed in the D1 bracket which would actually imply they're UNDER rated... but they've also padded their stats by murdering teams in games that were already over.  The combined score of their three games against Buffalo Vice Retro, Passed Our Prime without its starting QB, and a bad game by the Sticky Bandits was 150-32.  Take those games away and their point differential on the season drops from +108 to -10.  They should win their first-round matchup, but are they going to beat two of the other teams above them in the standings back-to-back?  We wouldn't bet on it.
 
 
Division 2
 

 
The Headline: Two great super-teams are expected to battle for the D2 Championship, with four others hoping for major upsets along the way.  The Replacements are also here.
 
Underrated:  You already know they're great, but can we just remind people for the 10,000th time in this article that No Punt Intended is STILL undefeated against their own division with their starting QB present?  We'll copy and paste this from the QB Rankings above: "No Punt Intended's only two losses this season were a D1 crossover in their very first game as a team, and the week that Kyle wasn't in town".  Take away those two games (and of course a forfeit win over Untouchaballs which isn't included in the numbers above anyway) and their point differential per game rises from +8.13 PDPG to a whopping +18.8 PDPG... which would be the best in the entire TSL.  You know they're great and you're STILL underrating them.
 
Overrated:  Freeballers are third in the D2 standings which sounds like they should have a decent chance to compete for a championship... until you remember that their stats are padded by a 61-0 annihilation of The Replacements and a forfeit win over Untouchaballs.  They have two actual wins on the season not counting those games, both of which came against the DILFS, and a -7.2 PDPG if we toss out the Replacements massacre (which would drop them into "pretender" status on the chart above).  They'll probably beat Buffalo Vice Retro this weekend in our opinion... but that'll be the last game they win this session.
 
We Don't Know What The Hell They Are:  We didn't include them in either Overrated or Underrated above, but let's take a second to talk about the Untouchaballs, who had one of the weirdest seasons in recent memory.  Are they overrated?  Underrated?  We still have no idea!  They took two forfeit losses this season, another loss to Buffalo Vice Retro when Travis subbed at QB, another loss in a D1 Crossover game to TEIM, and they were the only team to play The Replacements twice.  Those last two games don't count (we don't mean to kick them when they're down, but the Replacements are not currently a competitive team in D2) so that means Untouchaballs only played three competitive games this session against teams they might meet again in the playoffs.  They've beaten a full-strength Buffalo Vice Retro by 18, lost to Frodo Swaggins by 2, and lost to DILFS by 2.  What are we supposed to make of that??  The Untouchaballs could make the Finals and it wouldn't shock us.  They could get wiped out in the first round and it wouldn't shock us.  Your guess is as good as ours.
 
 
Division 3
 

 
The Headline:  The TSL's most wide-open division by far.  No dominant teams and no trash teams means anything can (and probably will) happen.
 
Underrated:  How are we going to pick overrated and underrated teams in D3?? The best team in this division is winning by +8.3 PDPG.  The worst team is losing by -6.4 PDPG, only 14.7 PDPG worse than the best team.  Here's how that compares to other divisions, graphing the difference between the best and worst teams in each instance:
 
 
We modeled D2 with and without The Replacements because they're really throwing the comparison off in that division.  So, what's the point of this graph?  Essentially the taller the bar, the wider the gap between the best and worst teams in the division. And D3 is the shortest bar, which means it's the tightest division top to bottom.  With so many relatively even teams it's going to be splitting hairs to declare one "overrated" or "underrated", but we'll take a shot at this anyway...
The most underrated team in D3 is Practice Squad.  Why?  Because they're a #8 seed going up against a #1 seed this weekend that they've already played well against twice this season.  Practice Squad started the season with a 28-18 win against Mountain Dew Me, and then lost the very next week to the same opponent by a score of 33-32.  You think they're going to feel intimidated going up against a team they could easily be 2-0 against?  And what happens if they play well again and knock off the top team in their division?  The confidence boost could carry them to a second consecutive Finals game.  Look, we're not saying it's likely (Mountain Dew Me has improved tremendously since those first couple weeks) but we wouldn't give ANY division's lowest seeded playoff team better odds to win their division than Practice Squad.
 
Overrated:  Again, same story as above (if there aren't a lot of truly underrated teams, you won't see a lot of truly overrated teams) but we'll take Scott Senior's Starting as the most overrated team here based solely on their recent trend.  As we said in the QB Rankings above, they're a narrow Bullet Club loss away from a five-game losing streak to end the season, and they've surrendered an average of 37.8 PPG defensively over that stretch.  That's not the type of momentum you want right now going into the playoffs.  
 
 
Division 4
 

 
The Headline:  In a division with several solid teams vying for a title, Cunning Stunts and Puckett All-Stars stand above the rest, with Zack Attack lurking as a dark horse.
 
Underrated:  Stunts and Puckett will grab the headlines, but isn't Zack Attack just about as good?  The graph above says all three teams should be considered among the favorites, and if we look at the details of Zack's season the game that really stands out is the 31-0 loss to Buffalo Vice back a few weeks ago.  We're not sure if they were missing people that day or if they just played like shit, but for whatever reason it SEEMS like more of a fluke than anything else.  Remove that one poor performance from their season and they would be +16.6 PDPG, far and away the best in their division.  Yes, we know that EVERY team's numbers would look better if you threw out their worst game, so take that with a grain of salt, but we don't believe that "losing by 31" version of Zack Attack is the squad that's going to show up on Saturday against Vaspian (a team they beat 51-22 in the regular season).
 
Overrated:  The Interdimensional Lightning Falcons started the season 3-0 and looked strong right out of the gate.  Then two things happened: 1) they lost their starting QB Joe Miano at some point mid-season and have relied on sub QBs ever since, and 2) the standings started to take shape and it turned out that the three teams they beat to start the season ended up being the three worst teams in the division.  That means that ILF is only 2-5 against playoff teams, and one of those wins was by a single point against #8 seeded Travis Henry's Kids.  Not the stuff to inspire them with confidence of a deep playoff run!  No word if Miano is coming back for playoffs, but that might be their only hope at this point.
 
 
Division 5
 

 
The Headline:  TMA vs Come From Behind will be playing for the championship barring a massive choke job by one (or both) of them.
 
Underrated:  Passing While Intoxicated has the most average record you can possibly have in a nine-game season (4-4-1) but they're slightly above average in offense (3rd), defense (2nd) and point differential per game (3rd) in their division.  There's no one glaring weakness to this team that should hold them back in the playoffs, PLUS they have now beaten the two favorites in their division in back-to-back weeks to end the season.  If that doesn't inspire confidence in your team, nothing will.  
 
Overrated:  They might be the best team in D5, but TMA is also the most overrated at the moment.  They're the #1 seed in the standings but if we look at the stats their only real strength is offense.  Come From Behind has a better point differential, and both Come From Behind AND Passing While Intoxicated have fewer points against per game.  It also doesn't help that their last three games have been a loss to Woodpeckers, a loss to Passing While Intoxicated, and a one score win over 5th place Today's Feast.
 
 
Division 6
 

 
The Headline:  Not So Sticky and Blitzkrieg SHOULD meet in the D6 Finals, but both have proven capable of losing to any of the lower seeds.
 
Underrated:  Punt Cakes is 2-7 and in last place in their division, but after we throw out their one forfeit loss, they're only -4 on the season.  Not -4 points per game, -4 points in total.  Two of their last three games were encouraging too, as they beat Two Tuddies by 36 and then came one point away from upsetting top seeded Not So Sticky (their second one point loss to the #1 seeded team this season).  Yes, we know they got absolutely smoked by Superior Moser Squad last week 60-22 and yes, we know that that's their first-round matchup this week... we're not saying these guys are going to win the championship, just that they look better than a 2-7 last-place team!
 
Overrated:  We'll give you two overrated teams here, and would you look at that, it's both of the top seeded teams.  Yes, the graph says Not So Sticky and Blitzkrieg are much better than the rest of their division... but both of those numbers are heavily skewed by a few good games against Lenny's Ladies.  Not So Sticky outscored the Ladies 106-34 in two games this session, and Blitzkrieg had a 47-0 game of their own against them.  Throw those games out and Not So Sticky drops from +12.4 PDPG to +5.7 PDPG, and Blitzkrieg from +10.0 PDPG to +4.1 PDPG.  Still the top two in their division, sure, but barely ahead of Superior Moser Squad.  And here's something else Not So Sticky and Blitzkrieg have in common: with the exception of a Punt Cakes forfeit to Blitzkrieg (the two teams never actually played each other), both the top teams played every other co-ed team in their division to a one-score game at some point in the season.  They're winners for sure... but ripe for playoff upsets.
 
***
 
The Ten Best/Worst Teams in the TSL
 
The division analysis above is the real meat and potatoes of this article, but in case you're curious how you stack up against teams in OTHER divisions, here are the top ten (and bottom ten) teams in the entire TSL for offensive points per game, defensive points per game, and average point differential per game.  As always, forfeit games are excluded:
 
 
What did we learn from this??  For starters, scoring is up from last session, probably due to the better weather we've had (no rainy days means higher scoring).  Last session teams averaged 28.6 PPG and this session they're averaging 30.1 PPG.  Last session we had zero teams average over 40 PPG and this session we have one over 40 and one over 50!  Last session we had four teams allow under 20 PPG defensively, and this session we had none.  
 
We also learned that Tight Ends in Motion were pretty good, and the Replacements and TOX were not so good.  Actually no, it's unfair of us to put the Replacements and TOX in the same sentence, with TOX averaging one more touchdown for and also one fewer touchdown against per game.  The Replacements were in a class of their own.  Please do a lower division next session, Replacements, and work your way up!  You have good athletes, you really do, but D2 is a brutal place to start.
 
Cunning Stunts have won the scoring title for the second season in a row with 50.1 PPG.  We're not sure what the "record" is, but here are the last several seasons worth of scoring champs, and no one has broken 50 PPG for at least the past few years:
 
 
***
 
All-Time Championship Statistics
 
Last session we compiled a list of every TSL champion in League history and devised a ranking system to see who the "best teams of all time" were.  This was exhausting to research and put together, but very simple to update once a session, so that's what we've done here.  The timing feels right to update this now JUST before playoffs so we can remind you what you're chasing here... co-ed football immortality.  Here are the current immortals:
 
 
And THEN we attempted to compare the relative strength of each division's championships (a D2 title is harder to win than a D4 title) and this is what we came up with:
  • A D1 championship is our baseline since it's the best a team can do.  Let's make that worth 100 points.  
  • A D2 title is worth, at BEST, 49% of that, since two D2 titles don't quite equal a D1 title (you can argue it should be LESS than 49%, but we've made the choice to weight lower divisions as heavily as reasonably possible here).  49 points for a D2 title.
  • A D3 title should be worth 49% of THAT, so about 24 points for each D3 championship.
  • Every subsequent division is worth 49% of the previous one, so D4 is worth 11 points, D5 is worth 5 points, and D6 is worth 2 points.
 
It's an arbitrary system but it's the one we chose.  So here is the updated list of your "greatest champions of all time" going into the Fall 2022 playoffs:
 
 
No one is going to catch Public Enemy at the top any time soon, but Tight Ends can vault into 3rd place all-time with a D1 championship, Legends or Eyes Downtown would jump to a tie for 4th place (Eyes Downtown would be 2nd if we combined their stats with 123 Gawron, who may or may not be the same team), and Sticky Bandits could move up to 7th place (and become the first team in TSL history to win four different divisions).  We've highlighted EVERY active team on the chart above (3rd & Schlong = Scott Seniors Starting, we assume) so you can see which existing champions have the chance to move up in our All-Time chart.
 
Bottom line, people remember champions, not the teams who come in second place, so immortality can only be found by winning it all.  Good luck!
 
***
 
That's it for this YEAR!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you think an "analytics-based article" should offer some kind of prediction on eventual division champs? you hated the reminder that The Tommy Hughes Experience has won more championships than you?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..    Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!
 
What’s YOUR ranking?

Week 1 Power Rankings

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Thursday, 27 April 2023 17:29
Published: Thursday, 27 April 2023 17:29
Written by Jeff Krol
Hits: 1329
Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  If you've read our article in the past (if for no other reason than to complain about how wrong we are) then you’re familiar with the concept – every week we share our rankings for the Top QBs in the League and discuss who’s trending up and who's trending down.  We on the QB Power Rankings Committee are not what you'd call "great writers" (or even "very good" writers... check out the Godfather if you want better writing) so we typically lean heavily on graphs and stats instead... at least, we do after a few weeks, when there's significant enough data to bother sharing.  In our season opening articles we also make a few predictions for the session and re-print an explanation of how these Power Rankings work, which we've copied and pasted almost verbatim from previous articles.
 
So a little Q&A to refresh your memories:
 
“There are 52 teams in the TSL this season!  Are you going to show rankings for all 52 starting QB’s every week?”
Not even close.  At minimum, the Top Ten will be shown EVERY week.  We always expand as the season goes on, so you'll see a Top 15, Top 20... last season we got to a Top 25, so we do try to be inclusive.
 
“Is this going to be heavily biased towards the higher divisions?”
In a word: yes.  The purpose of a Power Ranking is to highlight the absolute best in the League, and for the most part the best are competing AGAINST the best.  We will absolutely be acknowledging the performances (good and bad) of Quarterbacks in the lower divisions as well, but it's rare that a lower division QB will crack the Top Ten or Fifteen, and that's the way it should be.  Generally speaking if you don't like your ranking, our advice is to try moving up a division next session.  The better your competition, the more credibility you earn for beating it.
 
"Are gender team QBs treated differently in the Rankings?"
Not really.  A team's a team, and although gender team scores tend to be a little higher (every TD = minimum 8 points) we don't see much difference.  It takes skill to win with men; it takes skill to win with women.  The biggest knock on gender teams is that they tend to play in lower divisions and as we said above, we do factor THAT into our rankings.
 
"How are you ranking backup QBs if they come in and play better than some other team's starter?"
Generally we're only ranking one QB per team, even if you've got a player on your bench that you think could be a successful starter elsewhere.  And for teams with unreliable QBs who don't show up often enough for us to even KNOW who the starter is, we often leave them out of our rankings entirely... as they say, the best "ability" is "availability".  If you want to get ranked, show up and play as often as you can.  
 
"I'm new to this League and people don't know me yet!  How do I get ranked when I'm still an unknown?"
For starters, you should play really well.  If you're scoring a lot of points, we WILL notice you.  There are several new teams this session, so we probably DON'T know who you all are yet.  We no longer have our own email address due to some legal restructuring stuff, so if you want to tell us about your QB, why not email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and introduce yourself?  And please, please be patient.  If you're the highest scoring team in the League in Week 2, that doesn't mean we're anointing you as the next Bobby McConnell just yet.  Keep at it, play well, and we promise eventually we will recognize you.
 
"What about Breakfast Club QBs?"
Breakfast Club is for fun, not crushing your opponents, so if you're running up the score to try to get noticed... well, that only makes you an asshole!  We don't put a lot of stock in the stats from Breakfast Club and don't factor that into our Rankings.
 
“So you’re only ranking QB’s… what about the rest of us?”
Oh, we didn’t forget about the rest of you.  In addition to the QB Rankings, we will do our best to put out other rankings that the rest of you can enjoy – best team offenses, best team defenses, best referees, best male receivers, best female receivers, best at bar …  ranking anything is always fun.  Unless we rank you last, of course.  
 
“You keep saying ‘we’.  Who is writing this?  Who determines these rankings?”
Don’t worry about who’s writing this.  Let’s be honest: If you knew who was on our Committee (there's a few of us), you would incessantly whine to them about why you or your QB should be ranked higher every week.  Anonymity is key for journalism THIS important.  
 
And that's how the Power Rankings work.  We expect it's going to be an incredible season, with fifty-ish teams battling for TSL supremacy.  Our official predictions for this year (with the benefit of one week already being in the books, of course): 
  • Buffalo Vice will shock the world and win the D4 championship.  Why not??  It's their time!!
  • Last season the Replacements were the only winless team in the League.  This season, every team will be good enough to win at least ONE game.
  • Eyes Downtown end their recent championship drought and take home the D1 title.
  • Steph Infection does NOT three-peat as Breakfast Club Championship.  Give someone else a turn.
  • Joey Batts does NOT three-peat as the #1 ranked QB by our last Power Ranking of the year.  Please, God, give someone else a turn.
  • GrASS Eaters beat Southside in the D6 championship game.  Take that one to the bank.
 
But what do we know?  We went 2 out of 6 on last year's predictions:
  • None of our Spring 2022 Division Champions will repeat and win again this Fall.  Not the five that won and bravely moved up a division, and not Legends in D1. [Legends and Practice Squad both proved us VERY wrong on this one with Legends repeating as D1 champs and Practice Squad going back to back on D3 and D2]
  • No "new" teams will finish with a winning record.  We're looking at you, No Punt Intended, Replacements, Get Shwifty, Let's Get Reccked, Superior Moser Squad and Punt Cakes.  [We were close on this, with Replacements, Get Schwifty, Let's Get Reccked, and Punt Cakes combining for a 7-29 record.  New teams did NOT fare well.  But Superior Moser Squad finished 5-4, and No Punt Intended went 7-2, so we can't call this one a correct prediction either]
  • Tight Ends in Motion rebounds from last season's terrible record to finish as one of the top three seeds in D1. [Nailed this one, as TEIM rebounded to finish as the #2 seed in D1... where they promptly got eliminated by Scared Hitless in the first round.  But our prediction was about their seeding, and we crushed this]
  • No team has finished undefeated in at LEAST six seasons... and we predict the trend holds up for a seventh.  Expect every team to lose at least one game this session. [Another point for us.  For the SEVENTH season in a row, no one finished undefeated.  Legends, Frodo Swaggins and Not So Sticky came the closest, but each lost one game]
  • Can't Touch This, currently 0-2 as we write this, will make it to the D3 Championship game (we make no predictions whether they'll win or lose it). [Can't Touch This went 4-3 after that 0-2 start last season, so we were right to believe in them... but they got their asses kicked by Practice Squad in the semifinals and fell a game short of fulfilling our prediction]
  • TOX and Vaspian will be the only TSL teams not to make the playoffs this session. [TOX was terrible, but Vaspian finished 4-5 while Cobblestone was the only other team to miss the playoffs]
 
So there you go.  Let's get to the first QB Power Rankings of the Spring 2022 Season.  Most of our stars are back, although we have a few notable player movements:
  • Jordan Lawson is back after a year of killing everyone in GameOn, and has Losing Streak poised for redemption after a tough D1 debut back in 2021.  We won't see Victorious Secret this time around, but Jordan has brought a D2 team called the Mavericks with him this time that already looks ready to threaten for a D2 title.  
  • Frank Laudico has finally joined the TSL after years of winning championships over at GameOn.  The GOAT of the "other League" will adjust well to the faster pass rush in the TSL and the Wanderers will surely be a strong contender for the D3 championship this Spring.
  • Bro Kleckler is OUT as QB of Tight Ends in Motion (though he's playing in the League as a receiver for Jabronies?).  It'll be Andy Smigiera throwing for TEIM this season.  Andy is a world class athlete, but questions about his punctuality arose after being late to his first game of the season!
  • Jeremy Olson is out as Passed Our Prime are taking the session off while their QB1 recovers from surgery.  Word is we'll still see Hogan at the fields as a referee, though not an active athlete this Spring.
  • For those wondering why in the hell Let's Get Reccked made the jump to D3 after finishing 2-7 in D5 last session, the answer is a change at QB (and yes, the addition of Dave Baker as a receiver).  Ricky Recckio's team now has Alex Buchlis at QB instead of receiver, which is a major upgrade at the position.  Let's Get Reccked already has half as many wins as they did last session after only one week, so the switch seems to be working.
 
As always, we do NOT overreact to one week's worth of games in our first Power Rankings of the season.  Joey Batts didn't even play last week - you think we're going to remove him from #1 just for missing a game?  Not a chance.  You also won't see people like Frank or Alex at all this week because we need a larger sample size to see how some of these changes play out.  Sorry if you don't like it, but if people are good enough, their stock will rise quickly and we'll get them Ranked over the next few weeks.  
 
Of course the real #1 QB THIS week was unquestionably Travis Cleavenger who scored 104 points while going 3-0 for Legends and No Punt Intended, but as a backup QB he's not really eligible for our Rankings.  So here are your Top Ten starting QBs in the TSL:
 
 
#1 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts
Last Week:  Did Not Play
How valuable are you really if your team scores 45 points and wins by 30+ when you're not even there?  Look... he's the two-time defending D1 champions' starting QB, and the Stunts (who haven't played yet) are pretty awesome too.  That's his argument for being #1 right now.
 
#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown
Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 27-20
Eyes Downtown are the fourth highest scoring team in D1 after one week, and somehow the #1 seed as well.  Yeah, "strength of schedule" tiebreakers are weird.  Bobby is as consistently excellent as anyone we've ever seen, and we're sure he'll obliterate some teams soon to get that scoring average up.  Bobby goes up one spot in the Rankings with Bro's "retirement".
 
#3 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits
Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 37-0
You would think blanking a team 37-0 AND beating the QB directly ahead of you in the Power Rankings for a Winter championship would be enough to vault you into the #2 spot at least, but apparently not.  Sticky Bandits are rolling lately and Mike looks as good as any QB out there right now.
 
#4 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care
Last Week:  Beat Frodo Swaggins 40-10, lost to Eyes Downtown 27-20
Beating Eyes Downtown would have been a hell of a statement game for Grey Hair - Don't Care.  They fell a BIT short in the end, but annihilating Frodo Swaggins is probably a decent consolation prize.  People really aren't discussing Grey Hair in the "D1 contenders" conversation, but maybe they should be.  Eickhoff leads a fantastic group of receivers who are a threat to knock anyone off on any given Saturday.
 
#5 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Mavericks
Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 22-8 (Losing Streak), lost to No Punt Intended 27-26 (Mavericks)
If you read our annual intro to this article above, we say "the best are competing AGAINST the best", and Jordan is truly competing against the best again after a year of smoking non-TSL teams by 50 points.  Early returns look good!  Losing Streak badly outclassed TEIM, and Mavericks ran up a 26-0 lead before things went haywire.  We wouldn't read much into the relatively low scoring games - in decent weather these teams will be dropping 40+ in no time.
 
#6 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins / BAADies
Last Week:  Lost to Legends 45-14, lost to Grey Hair - Don't Care 40-10 (Frodo Swaggins), lost to Buffalo Vice 38-33 (BAADies)
Garrett lost exactly one game last season with Frodo Swaggins... and then doubled that on Day One of this season with an 0-2 start.  D1's a bitch, huh?  Frodo will be fine once they get over the learning curve.  We doubt they'll contend for a championship this season, but BAADies might.  Yes, there are a few Angels on this squad, but it's still a new team and they'll need time to gel together.  By end of this season, BAADies will be the team no one wants to play against in D4.  
 
#7 Kyle Conniff - No Punt Intended
Last Week:  Did Not Play
Man, No Punt Intended has some great backup QBing.  If they're already the top team in their division after one week, imagine how good they can be when their starting QB shows up?
 
#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless
Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 37-0
Yikes!  Not the start that Scared Hitless had in mind this season.  Losing Mel was tough, but they should be good enough to score a point without her.  Let's assume this was just Dylan and team shaking off the rust after taking the winter off.  If Scared Hitless continues to struggle like this, Dylan may be at risk of falling outside the Top Ten.
 
#9 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs
Last Week:  Beat Freeballers 21-15, lost to No Punt Intended 32-31
Burr put up 31 points in a losing effort when the sun was out, then held on for a 21-15 win when the weather turned to shit in the 11 o clock hour.  D2 is going to be a tight race, but Untouchaballs aren't off to a bad start here as they're one two point conversion play away from being alone in first place.
 
#10 Jeff Easton - Bullet Club
Last Week:  Beat Wanderers 38-34, beat Can't Touch This 42-37
After a long and storied football career, Jeff Easton finally cracks the Top Ten Best QBs in Western New York.  Beating Can't Touch This is no easy feat, and how many active QBs can say they've beaten the Wanderers?  A half a dozen maybe?  Bullet Club is currently second to only Legends in the TSL in offensive points per game at 40 PPG.  They're the team to beat in D3 right now... barely.
 
 
Fancy Statistics Section
Yeah, right.  You're not getting any fancy statistics out of us until at LEAST Week Four, and even then we'll tell you the sample size is too small to be meaningful (yes, we're going to copy/paste this line next week too, so get used to it)
 
 
That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this week!  As we said above, we don't currently have our own email address anymore, so if you have any thoughts about QB rankings, or you want to make sure we know who's throwing for your team, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  You tell him, he'll tell us.  
 
What's YOUR ranking?
 
 

WEEK 7 POWER RANKINGS

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Thursday, 06 October 2022 16:08
Published: Thursday, 06 October 2022 16:08
Written by Jeff Krol
Hits: 1430

 

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  
 
This week we have your Top 25 Quarterbacks "Haiku edition" and your Division All-Stars.  Enjoy!
 
 
#1 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion
Last Week:  Lost to Legends 36-30
Bro finally lost,
We blame it on his brother,
Tight Ends still in first.
 
#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts
Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 36-30 (Legends), beat ILF 53-36 (Stunts)
Legends beat Tight Ends,
Stunts are highest scoring team,
Why isn't Batts first?
 
#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown
Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 36-24
Four game streak is done,
Eyes Downtown lose to Bandits,
Where was Delecki?
 
#4 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits
Last Week:  Beat Eyes Downtown 36-24
Big win for Sticky,
First win against top tier team.
Finals bound again?
 
#5 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins
Last Week:  Beat No Punt Intended 51-12
Frodo back on top,
Beats shorthanded NPI,
Finals will be sweet.
 
#6 Kyle Conniff - No Punt Intended
Last Week:  Did Not Play
No Conniff this week,
NPI sucks without him,
Fantastic with him.
 
#7 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime
Last Week:  Did Not Play
Replacements forfeit,
a massacre averted,
Hogan gets a win!
 
#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless
Last Week:  Tied Grey Hair - Don't Care 33-33
Grey Hair and Hitless,
Tied in their game and standings,
Which team is better?
 
#9 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care
Last Week:  Tied Scared Hitless 33-33
Grey Hair and Hitless,
Tied in their game and standings,
Which team is better?
(What, we can't use the same Haiku twice?)
 
#10 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs
Last Week:  Lost to Buffalo Vice Retro 37-36
One win since August,
and it was The Replacements.
Who saw this coming?
 
#11 Vince Taverna - Puckett All-Stars
Last Week:  Beat Travis Henry's Kids 48-19
Taverna's a stud,
Puckett killing everyone,
Vince for MVP
 
#12 Dylan Jaloza - Freeballers
Last Week:  Beat DILFS 34-32
Freeballers balling,
Dylan's so underrated,
Can he win playoffs??
 
#13 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing
Last Week:  Lost to Vaspian 27-18
Vaspian beat Nick??
Spinelli's should have crushed them,
Not sure what happened.
 
#14 Travis Cleavenger - DILFS
Last Week:  Lost to Freeballers 34-32
DILFS are three and five,
Tough to win without defense.
Travis or Dubey??
 
#15 Scott Drosendahl - Scott Seniors Starting
Last Week:  Did Not Play
No Scotty this week,
Scott Senior should be starting!
It's the damn team's name!!
 
#16 Jeff Easton - Bullet Club
Last Week:  Lost to Scott Seniors Starting 34-25, beat Can't Touch This 39-26
A win and a loss,
Bullet Club leads division
for first time in years.
 
#17 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad
Last Week:  Beat 716 37-28
Congrats to the Squad,
six game winless streak's over!
Try to build on that...
 
#18 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This
Last Week:  Lost to Bullet Club 39-26, lost to Get Schwifty 46-8
Ryan missing girls,
Tough to win so shorthanded,
even with that arm.
 
#19 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack
Last Week:  Beat ILF 39-8, beat Cobblestone 48-12
Eighty-seven points,
That's a hell of a day Zack,
But we hate your shirts.
 
#20 Seth Molisani - Buffalo Vice Retro
Last Week:  Did Not Play
No Seth at the fields,
Buff Vice Retro wins with sub.
Who wears short shorts? Seth!
 
#21 Paul Lovullo - Come From Behind
Last Week:  Beat Woodpeckers 26-14
D5 up for grabs,
Come From Behind tied for lead!
Suck it, TMA
 
#22 Ryan Henry - TMA
Last Week:  Lost to Passing While Intoxicated 24-14
That's two in a row,
what's going on TMA?
Don't choke for playoffs...
 
#23 Cody McGregor - Mountain Dew Me
Last Week:  Beat Itches and Ohs 42-25
McGregors are fast,
McGregors are winning games,
Watch out Bullet Club.
 
#24 Derek Pew - 716
Last Week:  Lost to Practice Squad 37-28, beat Get Schwifty 27-16
Derek or Dylan,
Which one is the real QB?
Either can win games.
 
#25 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids
Last Week:  Lost to Buffalo Vice 47-20, lost to Puckett All-Stars 48-19
Two losses for John,
Distracted by the Ravens
upcoming failure.
 
***
 
Division All-Star Teams
 
We've been doing this for a few seasons now and we like the concept, so your TSL Division All-Stars are back!  Here's how it works:
 
  • We selected a team of 10 players from each division.  Teams had to have one designated QB, at least five other male players, and at least three female players.  The tenth spot could be either male or female depending on the strength of each particular division.
  • Every division must have at least one All-Star from EACH team in the division.  After each team gets their minimum one representative, we'll fill out the rest of the roster however we want.  We TRY to spread this out so please don't write us an email asking why your team didn't have five all-stars.
  • If a player plays in more than one division, they are only eligible for the highest division they play in, UNLESS it's for a different position (i.e. Jeremy Burr is eligible as both a receiver in D1 and a quarterback in D2, but Amber Hay is only eligible as a receiver in D1 and not D2).  This came up a LOT.  If you're wondering why you didn't make the All-Star team in the lower division you play in, please remember, you were never eligible...  Especially Cunning Stunts, who have the best roster in D4 and yet NONE of them were eligible because they all play for other teams in higher divisions.
  • This is not strictly a ranking of who the "best" player is on each team.  You might see an athlete from one team make our list over a teammate that was higher than him or her on our Male/Female Rankings from the past couple of weeks.  We're just looking for the best combination of players to fill out a team, and we'll take into account ALL that player offers when making our choices.  For example, Derek Bongiovanni was rated more highly than Kyle Conniff on our Male Players list from last week, but if we think we'd get more out of Kyle's leadership and defense, we might choose him over Derek.
 
So that's how it works.  It'll all be subjective of course so try not to get too excited when you don't see your name below.  These are the best combination of All-Star teams WE could think of given the rules above.  If you think you can do better, feel free to send us yours at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and we'll be happy to argue.
 
Oh, and the names within each category (male players vs female players) are arranged alphabetically by last name, so don't read anything into the order, they're not ranked best to worst.
 
Here are your Division All-Star Teams:
 
 
***
 
That's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  two weeks in a row without a graph?? your feelings are hurt that we excluded your best friend from the Division All-Stars?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..    Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!
 
What’s YOUR ranking?
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