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Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings! 

We’ve been doing this article since the Spring of 2019… six years and change, without ever missing a week (take THAT, Sentinel!).  Just for fun, here is our FIRST ever Power Rankings from Spring 2019.  Some of these names may look familiar, while others have long since faded from the League.  Let’s see what they’re up to these days!

10. Patrick “Topper” McGovern – The TSL’s most successful business owner, dog owner, and part-time podcast host, our hero is living his life of semi-retirement from football in style. Ask him about his Tim Horton’s empire!

9. Ricky Austin – Living in Atlanta, we’re told. Doesn’t B’s Brother go down to Atlanta a lot? Wonder if these guys hang out.

8. Joey Batts – Gryffindor may be dead, but Joey Batts is not. Legends and Cunning Stunts are now two of the greatest teams in the League, and Joey has been a mainstay in our Rankings since Day One

7. Matt Glowacki – Hasn’t played in the League in years. Any relation to Zach from Freeballers?

6. Alex Buchlis – Still throwing touchdowns to Dave Baker every week, just like in 2019. Some things never change.

5. Matt Newman – Gone.

4. Matty “Ice” DiTullio – Matty “retired” from football after winning the D2 championship with A&A, and spends his time dealing comic book art and traveling the world with his former D1 MVP wife. This guy’s got it all figured out.

3. Greg Chadwick –Hasn’t played in the League in forever. This guy made our first ever power rankings as an injury replacement QB for a team called Eyes Downtown where he lasted for four weeks before being replaced by some guy called… looking it up now… Bobby McConnell? Are we saying that right?

2. Brandt Dubey – Still great after all these years. Dubey still stars at QB for various teams now and then (Grover’s, Toppers All-Stars & Todd, DILFS etc). We haven’t seen the last of him.

1. Chris Cole – Won five D1 championships, retired on top. There was a rumor he moved to Iowa and still writes an article for the TSL every week, but that can’t be true… can it?

But enough about those has-beens!  Let’s take a look at the current crop of superstars in our QB Power Rankings:

#1 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Beat Frodo Swaggins 34-16, beat Sticky Bandits 31-23

Two teams will get a bye in the D1 playoffs.  By defeating Frodo Swaggins and Sticky Bandits on Saturday, Eyes Downtown picked up some crucial tiebreakers in the fight for a week off.  Bobby is 4-1 this session and the ONLY quarterback to have beaten Legends this year (or even including last Fall, actually).

#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Beat Freeballers 41-16 (Legends), beat Buffalo Vice 55-38 (Stunts)

Legends haven’t mathematically locked up a first round bye in the playoffs yet… but it’s pretty darn close.  If they win one of their last two games (What a Dump or a D2 crossover game) they should be a lock for the #1 seed.  Lose both, and it’s POSSIBLE they could drop to #3, but very, very unlikely.  Also that D2 crossover game is looking more and more like it’ll be Can’t Touch This, which is suddenly a much harder game than anyone would have guessed a month ago.  Also the Stunts have gone from last place a couple weeks ago to middle of the pack in D3.  Can’t wait to see the Godfather’s final playoff odds for this team.

#3 Mike Thomas – Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 31-23

The Sticky Bandits could have put themselves in the drivers seat for a #2 seed and first round bye by beating Eyes Downtown on Saturday, but they came up 8 points short.  Fortunately they play Eyes Downtown AGAIN this weekend so they’ll have another chance to tip the scales on the D1 tiebreakers.  Does a first round bye matter in D1?  Freeballers (the team the #3 seed will face in the first round) are more capable than their 0-6 record suggests, so yes, we think the bye matters.

#4 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week:  Beat Mavericks 45-6

Can’t Touch This live up to their name, as they truly cannot be touched in D2 right now.  With respect to the Malones, the Mavericks were their closest competition, and Ryan annihilated them on Saturday.  Yes, their offense is the best in the TSL, but can you believe they’ve only allowed 31 points ON THE SEASON?  Two of their five games were forfeit wins, it’s true, but their other three games they allowed 0 points, 6 points and 25 points… and that last game they won by almost 30.  None of these games have been close.  Crown them already, and move them up to D1.

#5 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 34-16

We believe in Frodo Swaggins.  They kicked ass in the playoffs last Fall, and they might be the smartest play callers in the league on both sides of the ball.  But it’s a little troubling for them that so far their offense has put up 36, 40 and 41 points against Freeballers and What a Dump this season… and only 8, 8 and 16 against Legends, Sticky Bandits and Eyes Downtown.  Those are the three teams they’ll need to beat in the playoffs to make the championship game, so at some point they’ll need to find an extra gear against the top teams.

#6 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for the Wanderers this week.  A loss by PWI means Wanderers are the only undefeated team left in D3. 

#7 Cody Stumpf – What a Dump

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for What a Dump this week.  They seem to have a bye week or a doubleheader every week this season.

#8 Rhace Colon – The Malones

Last Week:  Beat Show Me Your TDs 71-0

Not much to write about Show Me Your TDs games, so we won’t bother.  The Malones are a one score game away from a perfect record this season, which is great… but their last three games of the season are Mavericks, Can’t Touch This, and then some D1 team.  Will they be the favorites in any of those?

#9 Jordan Lawson – Freeballers / Mavericks

Last Week:  Lost to Legends 41-16 (Freeballers), lost to Can’t Touch This 45-6

Freeballers was always going to be a bit of an experiment.  With a new QB in a stacked division, we don’t think too many people were betting on them to win more than a couple games this regular season.  Mavericks however are the defending D2 champions.  It’s strange to see them sitting at .500 at this point in the season, and we STILL don’t know how good they are.  They’re +17 on the season, which would drop to -56 if we threw out their 73-0 win over Show Me Your TDs… but THAT would increase to +12 if we threw out their two losses to invincible Can’t Touch This, who seem out of everyone’s league right now.

#10 Brandon “B” Ford – Practice Squad / Tater Tots

Last Week:  Beat Passing While Intoxicated 46-30 (Practice Squad)

Practice Squad started the season 0-2.  They’ve won three games since then, and now they’re sitting at second place (if you believe our Standings page anyway) in their division.  This team kind of reminds us of a D3 Sticky Bandits: smart enough at QB to win just about any game, but average enough athletically that they could lose any game too.  The difference maker is going to have to be B if they’re going to take a shot at the Championship, and we feel like he’s up to the challenge.

#11 Joe Miano - Jabronies

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 29-22

The Jabronies have won two games this season, and both have been against Scared Hitless.  We’re not sure if that says more about Jabronies, or more about Scared Hitless.  Do we think Jabronies can take Can’t Touch This?  Not really.  We don’t think anyone can.  But the Mavericks game should be competitive, and Show Me Your TDs will be a blow-out.  Jabronies can absolutely be a .500 team going into the playoffs, and that should be enough to lock up a winnable first round matchup (either Scared Hitless Round 3, or Show Me Your TDs)

#12 Buddy Lee – Passing While Intoxicated / Interdimensional Lightning Falcons

Last Week:  Lost to Practice Squad 46-30 (PWI)

So Passing While Intoxicated CAN lose a game!  We’re not sure what Practice Squad did to limit Buddy to only 30 points, but it seems to have worked.  PWI is one of the most dynamic offenses in the League.  We still think the D3 finals will be PWI vs Wanderers, but last weekend’s game reminded us all that anyone can win or lose on any given Saturday.

#13 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Lost to Jabronies 29-22

Scared Hitless have one high quality win this season against the Malones… and four losses as well (including one to the Malones that wasn’t very close).  We don’t know the ins and outs of their roster every week (are they having attendance issues?) but just based on what we’re seeing from the scores, it’s hard to predict they’ll go on a run and beat three teams in a row in the playoffs.

#14 Alex Buchlis – Becca Gets Reccked

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No Buchlis at the fields this week, Becca Gets Reccked beat DXYZ with Buddy Lee throwing.

#15 Derek Pew - 716

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 20-14

Twenty points isn’t what Derek is used to putting up (716 have put up at least 33 points every other week) but a win’s a win, and 716 is 3-2 right now after beating Bullet Club this week.  There are only four teams with a winning record in D3 today, and 716 is one of them.  Derek improved Vaspian last session, and he’s doing great work with this “new” team this Spring.

#16 Andy Clark – Buffalo Vice

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 46-34, lost to Cunning Stunts 55-38

46 points in a win and 38 points in a loss – what a “Buffalo Vice” day that is.  Have these guys ever played a game where every team didn’t put up at least 30 points? (Okay don’t look that up, we know Wanderers held them to 22 points five weeks ago… our point is that they usually score a lot). Andy Clark leads one of the most exciting offenses in the League.

#17 Dylan Jaloza – Bullet Club

Last Week:  Lost to 716 20-14, lost to Buffalo Vice 46-34

Bullet Club won on opening day of the season against Practice Squad… and they haven’t won a game since.  We can’t really blame it on the schedule either - they’re the only D3 team NOT scheduled to play Wanderers this season.  The loss of George Lombardo certainly isn’t helping (we’re sure that Scared Hitless would agree with that too) but they’ve got to a find a way to steal a possession or two to close out these close games if they want to rebound in time for playoffs.

#18 Damien Keller – D-Generation X Y and Z

Last Week:  Lost to Becca Gets Reccked 38-34

D-Generation X Y and Z are tied for the worst record in D3 right now at 1-4.  The bottom four teams in the division will have to win play-in games just to make the playoffs, and DXYZ are very likely to fall into that category.  The good news is, they don’t have another opponent on their regular season schedule with a winning record right now, so it’s not too late to go on a run and build some momentum.

#19 Matt Kieta - GirthQuakes

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for GirthQuakes this week.  Still the best team name in the League.

#20 Kyle Conniff – PowerPuff Girls

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for PowerPuff Girls this week.  With two bye weeks and Kyle missing a doubleheader, PPG will go almost four straight weeks without their starting QB.

Fancy Statistics Section

Last week we looked at the "ten best and ten worst" teams in the TSL across a few different categories.  It's fun to see who's much better than everyone else, or who's lagging way behind... but what about all those teams in the middle that don't get to see their names listed?  Maybe a bit dull for them.  So, this is an updated point differential graph showing EVERY team in the TSL, as of today.  And instead of grouping every division together, we'll split each division up so you can see how you stack up against your competition.  As always, green is good, red is bad.  Enjoy!

It’s drawn to scale as always… except that I’m cutting off four teams a bit to make the other 44 easier to read.  Can’t Touch This is a graph breaking +44.0 PPG, followed by Malones at +31.3 PPG.  And on the other end of the spectrum, poor Cobblestone is -36.7 PPG and Show Me Your TDs are (gulp) -69.3 PPG.  No point in distorting the graph just to show those four teams accurately.

***

That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this week!  If you have any thoughts about QB rankings, or you want to make sure we know who's throwing for your team, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  You tell him, he'll tell us.  

What's YOUR ranking?

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