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WEEK 5 THOUGHTS, PICKS AND STUFF
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- Category: The Godfather's Picks
- Created: Friday, 19 May 2023 12:57
- Published: Friday, 19 May 2023 12:57
- Written by Jeff Krol
- Hits: 1108
Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, when you descend upon the Lenny Alba Fields at the Rose Garden this Saturday, May 20th, in the Year of Our Lord 2023, it will officially mark the beginning of Week 5 of the season. Why is this significant? Well dear reader, it means that we’ve officially played half of the Spring 2023 season already! Four weeks have passed, and of the 46 Non-Breakfast Club teams in the league, all but nine of you have played at least 4 games already. With most of the league having played half their schedule already, it's time to take a look at the updated Championship Odds this season!
D1:
Championship Odds:
Legends (4-1)
Sticky Bandits (4-1)
Losing Streak (5-1)
Eyes Downtown (7-1)
Tight Ends In Motion (10-1)
Grey Hair Don’t Care (25-1)
Frodo Swaggins (50-1)
Scared Hitless (100-1)
Some clear lines have formed in D1 between the haves and the have nots, haven’t there? Despite the Sticky Bandits being the team that gave the Legends their only loss this season, these two come in with even odds. The Legends have been rolling as of late, getting better as the season has gone on. Sticky has stayed largely even keeled, systematically rolling through D1 like a well-oiled machine. Meanwhile, Losing Streak is just a hair behind the two, having just lost to Sticky, and they get to test their mettle against the Legends this weekend. A Losing Streak victory over Legends truly makes this a three horse race. Eyes Downtown sits just behind them, having only played 3 games so far this season. A 1-2 record isn’t what Bobby trained for for 8 months, so you know he’s pulling his hair out over it. A 7 point win over Grey Hair, and a loss to Frodo makes you wonder if the end is near for ED or not. Tight Ends In Motion is in the middle of it all, too good for the teams below them, and a step or two behind the ones ahead of them. If they get hot, the teams above them need to look out, but we haven’t really seen anything from them (YET!) to suggest they will. Grey Hair Don’t Care deserves some type of award. I mean, these guys might be the best 1-4 team I’ve ever seen in my time writing this article. They play you very, very tough, and you can’t sleep on them. I look forward to picking them to upset someone in the first round of the playoffs. Frodo Swaggins isn’t lighting the world on fire just yet, and a win over Eyes Downtown is the lone bright spot in a rough season. Life doesn’t get easier for them with games against Sticky (x2) and Losing Streak coming up. Scared Hitless has been getting slammed in the media for constant losses, and rightfully so. Yes, the schedule makers did them no favors giving them Sticky Bandits, Losing Streak, and Legends right out of the gate. Even if they aren’t on that level, that’s no excuse for only putting up 24 points (8 points per game) with the talent they have. With the easiest remaining schedule in D1 (GHDC x2, Frodo, TEIM, ED) we’ll see just how much they belong or if they go QB shopping in the offseason. (Someone tell Jeremy Burr to ref 4 games quickly, just in case).
Last Week’s Games:
Sticky Bandits 34, Losing Streak 20
Legends 43, Tight Ends In Motion 14
Tight Ends In Motion 54, Grey Hair Don’t Care 25
Legends 42, Grey Hair Don’t Care 18
Sticky puts a stop to Losing Streak’s momentum (for now), the Legends drop big time points on TEIM and Grey Hair to remind the TSL who runs this show, and Tight Ends lets out their frustrations on no longer being a top D1 contender on Grey Hair Don’t Care this week.
This Week’s Games:
Legends vs Losing Streak (+6) - Well, Losing Streak got their first shot at really proving they were top dogs last week against Sticky and came up short. Their prize? A Legends team that has been on fire recently. If LS wins this one, nobody cares about last week. Another loss however will show them that there’s still work to be done. LEGENDS BY 12
Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Scared Hitless (+7) - The biggest question for Scared Hitless is going to be just how mentally tough they are. They got through the brutal schedule, but are they still positive? Do they believe in themselves? Do they remember that Johnny F’N Football is on their team? Both teams need a win. Grey Hair has been oh so close all season and are better than 1-4. The Dylan Day redemption tour starts this weekend. Watch Hitless put up more points in this one game than they have all season. SCARED HITLESS BY 10
Eyes Downtown vs Tight Ends In Motion (+7) - I don’t think a win for Tight Ends pulls them out of the “middle of nowhere” in D1, but it more or less pulls Eyes Downtown down into the “Former D1 Contenders Group”. The more I think about it, the more I realize D1 really is a 3 team race, and these two aren’t part of that. Prove me wrong Eyes Downtown. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 3
Losing Streak vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+10) - No matter what happens in the Legends game before this, Losing Streak will go into this one ready to dunk on a GHDC team giving up 33 points a game. There’s too much of a talent disparity here. LOSING STREAK BY 20
D2:
Championship Odds:
No Punt Intended (4-1)
The Untouchaballs (4-1)
Mavericks (4-1)
Practice Squad (5-1)
Freeballers (10-1)
D2 continues to be the TSL Thunderdome this time around, as all of these teams are beating up on each other playing some VERY close games. No Punt Intended has been very good with Travis at the helm, but not great, and they still could use some work on defense. The Untouchaballs? Same thing. Burr has been good, not great, they have Mel and Matt Helm, and could win any game they play in. The Mavericks have the best offense in the division, but their defense is so brutal that they shoot themselves in their own foot. Practice Squad is only a hair behind these three, even at 0-4, as (say it with me now) “Every game has been a close game”. They can easily figure this out and become a true contender. The Freeballers bring up the rear here, and despite me ragging on them for what feels like ten seasons now, I’m not putting them last because of that. They were right in the thick of this division, but an unfortunate injury to super nice guy QB Dylan Jaloza derails the season.
Last Week’s Games:
No Punt Intended 44, Practice Squad 30
The Untouchaballs 22, Mavericks 18
Not much to write home about here. NPI scores late to put away Practice Squad, and The Untouchaballs completely shutdown that Mavericks offense to take a four point victory.
This Week’s Games:
No Punt Intended vs Freeballers (+10) - NPI continues to roll, as the hardest working 4-0 team left in the league gets a slight breather against a Freeballers squad that has some kinks to work out. NO PUNT INTENDED BY 8
No Punt Intended vs Mavericks (+3) - Whatever that showing was by the Mavericks last week, it wasn’t them. They average nearly 40 points a game otherwise, so to be held to 18 feels more like that was an anomaly than anything else. Of course, the same could be said about their defense holding a team to only 22 points as well. MAVERICKS BY 6
The Untouchaballs vs Practice Squad (+7) - When we last had these two teams meet, UT walked away with a 28-23 win. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in this league, it’s not to give B another shot at you. PS finally gets in the win column. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 3
D3:
Championship Odds:
Bullet Club (4-1)
Wanderers (4-1)
Itches and Oh’s (6-1)
Jabronies (7-1)
Let’s Get Reccked (7-1)
Can’t Touch This (10-1)
Vaspian (15-1)
Degeneration SeXy (15-1)
Bullet Club started the season off 3-0, but a 1 point loss to Itches and Ohs and a 2 point loss last week to LGR brought them back to the pack. They’ve still been scoring at a pretty high rate, but its been their defense that’s been the story for them this season. The Wanderers are the current “co-favorites” with BC as they sit atop the D3 standings with a 4-1 record. The one loss, of course, was to Bullet Club on the last play of the game that ended in controversy. It feels like these two teams are on track to run it back again in the championship. But first, a big Week 8 rematch looms. Itches and Oh’s is largely overlooked because they don’t really score a lot, they methodically work the clock, and force teams to play their game. Once you make a mistake, they’ll jump on you. It's even more impressive that they do it with next to no bench depth. The Jabronies are still figuring out what they are, but when they click, they click, as we saw in big wins over CTT and D-Sex. But they also got beat up on by LGR, and snuck out a one point win over Vaspian. So who knows what they are? This week against Wanderers should really show us. Let’s Get Reccked is also all over the place. They blew out Jabronies, snuck out a win over Bullet Club, just missed a close one against Wanderers, and looked lost against CTT. Much like their namesake, you just never know what you’re going to get. Can’t Touch This turned around an 0-2 start to remember how to play football again, winning 3 in a row. Besides the aforementioned win against LGR, they also beat the two worst teams in the division in Vaspian and D-Sex. Winning the games they “should” win is a great start for CTT, but at the end of the day their defense (or lack thereof) is going to be what bites them. Vaspian is absolutely hanging around in their games. Throwing out a bad opening game against Bullet Club, they’ve lost by 2 to Wanderers, 5 to CTT, and 1 to Jabronies. They could easily be 3-1 and the talk of the league right now. Degeneration SeXy is sort of a mess right now, after a 3 point loss to Wanderers in the Rainy Week 1, the other games have been double digit losses. They’re too talented to keep losing though.
Last Week’s Games:
Can't Touch This 42, Degeneration Sexy 32
Can’t Touch This 38, Vaspian 33
Let’s Get Reccked 24, Bullet Club 22
Wanderers 26, Itches and Ohs 20
Jabronies 27, Vaspian 26
D3 gives us lots of fun, close football games yet again as CTT takes care of business to keep both D-Sex and Vaspian winless on the season, as they climb the standings. Let’s Get Reccked takes a come from behind victory against Bullet Club in a hard fought contest. The Wanderers keep doing Wanderers things, winning another low scoring, ball controlled affair. Finally, the Jabronies barely hold off Vaspian, walking away with a one point win.
This Week’s Games:
Bullet Club vs Degeneration Sexy (+10) - Bullet Club has lost their last two games by a total of 3 points, and could easily be 5-0 right now. They take on a D-Sex team that, as I said earlier, just can’t seem to put anything together. Both teams could really use a win here, and I think this will be a very close contest. BULLET CLUB BY 2
Can’t Touch This vs Itches and Ohs (+10) - Itches would normally be favored here, but with word coming down that Steve Moser will not be available due some of his old habits, someone else has to QB Itches. I’m not sure who that’s going to be, but they won't be able to replicate what Steve does for this team. They’re built to play a certain way, and without him it could be disastrous. It's like having a really nice car that doesn’t have an engine. Can’t Touch This really catches them at the right time, and they should continue this winning streak they’re riding. CAN’T TOUCH THIS BY 8
Wanderers vs Jabronies (+3) - If the Jabronies are going to solidify themselves as contenders, a win here would do it. Every game the Wanderers play is close, but that’s how they like it. They control the ball and the clock. They’ve been through every single football situation that there’s ever been, so they always know what to do. It’s impressive. They’re exactly what’s been advertised for all of this time. The Jabronies’ season has been up and down, and dialing it in for this game will really tell us how they’ll do in about a month. WANDERERS BY 3
Let’s Get Reccked vs Vaspian (+3) - Vaspian is getting close to that first win of the season and they can feel it. LGR is too smart so they’ll always keep a game within a score. They like to have fun, and I’m not entirely sure a 3pm game is the best for this roster. VASPIAN BY 2
D4;
Championship Odds:
Puckett All-Stars (3-2)
Travis Henry’s Kids (6-1)
Passing While Intoxicated (8-1)
Buffalo Vice (10-1)
BAADies (10-1)
Cunning Stunts (10-1)
Cobblestone (12-1)
Creekers (1000-1)
This is Puckett’s world and we’re all just living in it. Puckett is the story of the season so far, averaging 50.5 points a game so far. Someone strongly considered calling the police for the amount of abuse they’re putting on the rest of D4. They aren’t playing slouches either. They’ve beaten THK, and both gender teams too. They FEEL like they’re trying to right the wrongs of the past and well, good luck stopping them. Travis Henry’s Kids is building on what was a great end to last season. Say what you want about Langley at QB, he’s been one of the smarter ones the last few seasons. Pistol Pete is a monster, but THK will only go as far as their girls take them. They’re the big weak point of this squad, and while adding Jenna from TOX has helped, that’s not exactly a game changer. Passing While Intoxicated just keeps rolling. They ended last season very strong, won the title, and they look nice in D4. A loss to a good THK team is nothing to shake your head at, and they’re firing on all cylinders. Big test for them this week against Super Puckett. Buffalo Vice started off 2-0, now they’re on a little slide. They’re a good, smart team that, when the team is all there, will be a very tough out for any opponent. Don’t ever sleep on them. The BAADies are adapting to life with Garrett, and they’ll only get better as time goes on. Their defense has been brutal, and if they shore that up a bit, the wins will come. The Stunts have the opposite problem. In 3 games this season, the Stunts have only scored 78 total points. That used to be a one game output for them. Once their offense starts clicking again, look out. Cobblestone is playing good football with Darryl Carr QB Superstar directing them. The talent has always been there on this team, it's getting them on the same page to win. Lastly, the Creekers are good people from all of the reports I’m getting. I hear there’s a really awesome Mullet Guy on the team. All good things. The football, however, leaves a LITTLE to be desired, and it would take a miracle for them to pull off a championship at this point.
Last Week’s Games:
Cobblestone 34, Buffalo Vice 32
Travis Henry’s Kids 42, Creekers 24
Puckett All-Stars 46, Creekers 18
Puckett All-Stars 46, Cunning Stunts 17
Cobblestone pulls out a close win over Buffalo Vice, in a very good game. THK kind of just did what they wanted to against the Creekers, who were then handed Puckett as the next opponent. Not the best doubleheader for them. Puckett would go on to dominate the Stunts as well, as the TSL considers PED testing the entire team.
This Week’s Games:
Puckett All-Stars vs Passing While Intoxicated (+8) - Both of these teams are about to face their greatest tests all season. Puckett has just been simply awesome, PWI has been very good. If any team is going to slow the Puckett Train down, it’ll be PWI. But they won’t. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 14
Buffalo Vice vs Creekers (+10) - The Creekers get things a little easier this week after a hellacious back to back last weekend. Even still, they’re going up against a Buffalo Vice team that’s been doing this for decades. The experience pays off. BUFFALO VICE BY 12
BAADies vs Cobblestone (EVEN) - If there’s a game Garrett isn’t going to mess up for the girls, it has to be the game against his old team, right? There are no guarantees in life, but I do think the Angels will continue their winning way. BAADIES BY 9
D5:
Championship Odds:
Come From Behind (3-1)
Not So Sticky (6-1)
TMA (8-1)
Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (8-1)
Tater Tots (10-1)
GUCCI (12-1)
Long Balls (17-1)
Goatsack! (20-1)
Death, Taxes, and Come From Behind winning football games. The only guarantees in life. CFB is rocking a 52 man NFL roster, but it doesn’t matter. Paul is slinging it like he’s 55 again, as CFB is the only team to score over 100 points so far in a competitive D5. Not So Sticky is performing well at the bar, at least. NSS has been keeping games close, but they’re not scoring enough to hang with CFB, as shown by their 11 point loss last weekend. TMA suffered their first loss of the season, but they’re still a deep team that you can’t ever count out. ILF seems to be figuring out the whole “Andrew playing QB” thing, as they’re 2-2 on the season and they look like contenders. The Tater Tots look disjointed and all over the place right now. They’re better than their 1-2-1 record suggests, but they need to find an answer on defense, which used to be a strength for them. GUCCI is 2-1, and they’re looking good. Here’s hoping they continue that momentum into this week and really make some noise in the division. The Long Balls have been doing well for their first season as they’re 1-2-1 and putting up just as many points in the division as anyone else. The problem for them is more on the defensive side of the ball, as they’re figuring out how to stop teams consistently. Goatsack had that not so welcoming first game of the season, a 32-0 loss in the rain. Since then they’re 1-2, beating NSS and having two one score losses to GUCCI and Long Balls. They’re going to be just fine.
Last Week’s Games:
Come From Behind 34, Not So Sticky 23
Long Balls 36, Tater Tots 36
ILF 34, TMA 7
Three games, three interesting outcomes overall. Come From Behind beats Not So Sticky rather comfortably, and they’re proceeding to be the class of the division. The Long Balls and the Tater Tots tie in a game that showcased the two similarities of these teams: Nice offense, Not So Nice Defense. And in a shocking result, ILF smacked TMA around the fields in a nice 34-7 win.
This Week’s Games:
Not So Sticky vs Tater Tots (+7) - If the Tots are going to “right the ship” this season, this is a good place to start. NSS is a good team, but they can be beaten, and they’re vulnerable. Not sure what’s going on for the Tots this year, but it doesn’t seem good. NOT SO STICKY BY 8
TMA vs Long Balls (+7) - TMA is out to show last week was a fluke, as they take on a Long Balls team that is starting to “get it” in the TSL. The problem for the Long Balls is that I just essentially said they were the Tater Tots. TMA beat the Tots by about 100 points two weeks ago. TMA BY 16
Interdimensional Lighting Falcons vs Goatsack! (+7) - ILF is riding high after a big win, and the team is starting to find their identity this season. Goatsack continues to improve on the season as well, and they’re looking for a statement win here. Look for ILF to falter after a big win a week ago. GOATSACK! BY 8
Come From Behind vs GUCCI (+6) - Gucci is the next team to take a shot at CFB, and hopefully the talented squad can find a way to solve the CFB defense. They have an interesting wrinkle with QB Kelly Kane, and it could potentially disrupt CFB. But I have a feeling it won’t. COME FROM BEHIND BY 7
D6:
Championship Odds:
Southside (3-1)
Sausage McMuffins (5-1)
Two Tuddies (6-1)
Blitzkrieg (8-1)
Grass Eaters (10-1)
Balls Deep (10-1)
Pit Harade (17-1)
Back That Pass Up (20-1)
Mighty Drunks (25-1)
Southside, their loss last week notwithstanding, has been the class of D6 in the first four weeks of the season. They’ve scored 139 points to tie Pit Harade for most in the Division, but with one less game played. They’ve allowed one less point than Two Tuddies for least in the division, but with one more game played. QB Tyler can be a little rough around the edges during the game, but he can PLAY. There’s not a person on the squad who can’t hurt you in some way on the field. They’re good. The Sausage McMuffins are the fun, feel good story from the first half of the season. This mostly new team figured out what they’re doing VERY quickly, jumping out to a 4-0 record, tops in D6. Great jerseys, great attitude, and seemingly great people as Alex Hill came off as a really nice guy on the podcast this week. They’ll probably be 6-0 going into June when a double header with Southside and the Two Tuddies looms. The #1 seed is looking like a good regular season prize, so all of those teams will be gunning for it. Speaking of the Tuddies, they’re 2-1 and life seems good for the Tud Buds. They played Southside well (only losing by 10) and they’re handling business against newer teams the way a veteran team should. Crazy to think they were getting blown out not too long ago. This team is gelling the way a new team should, and you’re seeing first hand what happens when you do that. It's always Blitzkreig’s year, until it isn’t. Their defense is “fine”. Their offense is “fine”. As a result, they’re just “fine”. They started off hot against two new teams in Week 1, but since they they got obliterated by Southside and lost to the McMuffins. It seems like they’re just “fine”. The GrASS Eaters are just “Itches and Oh’s Lite” where Steve and Rylee play catch all day with other people around. Don’t get me wrong, it works. They might take an extra loss or two the next two weeks, but this team will be around when it counts. Balls Deep is sort of good but sort of bad? On the one hand, they’re 3-2, second in the division, and they just upset Southside somehow. On the other hand, they’re allowing the most points of any “contender”, and they have a negative point differential, which is indicative of probably being not that good. This team is going to be D6’s wild card that pulls off some random playoff upset. Pit Harade is off to a decent start in their TSL careers, sitting at 2-3. They can score, but they struggle to stop anyone. They have a brutal schedule of the McMuffins, Tuddies, and Southside to finish the season, but they should be a tough out in the playoffs. Apparently they represent well at the bar though, so they have that part down. Back That Pass Up continues to go through some growing pains, most notably on offense, where they only average about 20 points a game. Their defense is coming along however, and they have a good test this week against a very “fine” Blitzkrieg team. Lastly the Mighty Drunks have gotten very close to a win a couple times this season, but they have some issues on both sides of the ball that they need to work on. With a pretty tough schedule on the horizon, it might be a long month for them.
Last Week’s Games:
Sausage McMuffins 23, Blitzkrieg 15
Two Tuddies 28, Back That Pass Up 16
Pit Harade 24, Back That Pass Up 18
Grass Eaters 49, Pit Harade 30
Balls Deep 34, Mighty Drunks 33
Balls Deep 21, Southside 14
The McMuffins take out Blitzkrieg to show they’re not a fluke. The Tuddies cruise to a victory over BTPU, who dropped to 0-2 on the day after a loss to Pit Harade. PH proceeded to stay balanced with a loss to the Grass Eaters. Balls Deep barely squeaks by the last place Mighty Drunks, before upsetting the then first place Southside. Clearly how everyone figured it would go.
This Week’s Games:
Blitzkrieg vs Back That Pass Up (+10) - Blitzkrieg knows they’re better than what they’ve shown the last two weeks, and this is the time they get back on track in the second half of the season. BLITZKRIEG BY 10
Two Tuddies vs Grass Eaters (+10) - No idea who will be throwing for the Eaters this week, but whoever it is will be a downgrade. Going through these changes against a Tuddies team that is rolling is not the best call. TWO TUDDIES BY 12
Sausage McMuffins vs Pit Harade (+14) - The McMuffins have high hopes coming into the second half of the season and they seem locked in as much as any other team in the TSL. There’s nothing more dangerous than a team that’s playing well and having fun. Pit Harade doesn’t seem to have much trouble scoring, but they’re not going to go anywhere in D6 if they don’t figure out how to play defense. Giving up 34.6 points per game won’t cut it. SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS BY 17
Southside vs Mighty Drunks (+17) - The Mighty Drunks have kept up good spirits during a tough first half of the season. Their last game was easily their best yet, and they have a real problem for other teams in “Cam”. However they get a Southside team that’s coming off an upset loss, so you know they’re going to be as dialed in as ever. That’s just bad timing. SOUTHSIDE BY 13
FIVE QUESTIONS BEFORE SATURDAY:
- Will It Rain? It certainly seems so. The Buffalo forecast is looking like 60 degrees, rainy, and windy too. A beautiful May Saturday. The “rainout” procedures are the same as when Jeff emailed your captains earlier in the season: He’ll get to the fields, and make the call then.
- My captain is awful and doesn’t inform us of anything! How can I know what’s going on? Well, you should 100% be following the league on Facebook at facebook.com/toppersports. You could also join Topper’s Super Kool Telegram App here: https://t.me/toppersports and that will alert you to any immediate updates the league makes. Follow the TSL on instagram too since we’re here: topper_sports_league.
- With the new odds, who are you betting on to win the divisions? Legends, Mavericks, Wanderers, Puckett All-Stars, Come From Behind, Southside.
- What about longer shots? Tight Ends In Motion, Practice Squad, Can’t Touch This, BAADies, GUCCI, Grass Eaters
- Can you rank the divisions from easiest to toughest to guess? D4 - It’s Puckett’s World, D5 - Its CFB’s world, D6 - Southside probably but the McMuffins and Tuddies loom, D1 - one of the top 3 get it, D3 - Could be 5 teams going for this, D2 - It's anyone’s guess. No clue. Good luck to them.
TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:
- Topper made it to the fields, dispelling rumors of his demise. It was great to hear he was there and on such a nice day too.
- Lots of teams are more active at the bar than ever from what I’ve been told. It’s good to see that there’s a mix of new teams and old vets merging together.
- Shoutout to everyone that brought Jeff Krol diapers for his diaper party. Good to see that we took care of someone that takes care of all of us.
- Lenny and Rameer day is coming, June 10th, BE THERE. I will.
- Breakfast Club Predictions:
- BDSM 34, Liddle Dubs 23
- The ASS 42, The VaJennas 30
- Komosexuals 27, Steph Infection 26
- Speaking of Breakfast Club, it's the closest one I’ve seen in years. 4 2-1 teams, a 1-2 team, and the 0-3 team has lost close games. BC is doing awesome, and everyone should join it. Remember, you can’t be on the sublist unless you play in Breakfast Club.
- Three teams that need to get it together: Eyes Downtown, Tater Tots, Degeneration Sexy
- Three teams that are overperforming right now: Jabronies, Cobblestone, Interdimensional Lightning Falcons
- Three teams that will have a big second half of the season: Scared Hitless, Vaspian, Both Gender teams.
- It should really go without saying, but pretty please, try not to be a huge asshole when you’re on the fields. I don’t know why it seems so difficult for some of you.
And with that, we’re ready for football tomorrow. You should probably bring a change of clothes. Remember, email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and let me know how your games went. Thank you to the bunch of you that do weekly.
-GF OUT
WEEK 4 THOUGHTS, PICKS AND STUFF
- Details
- Category: The Godfather's Picks
- Created: Friday, 12 May 2023 13:48
- Published: Friday, 12 May 2023 13:48
- Written by Jeff Krol
- Hits: 1008
Hello Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, and welcome to Week 4. You read that right. The TSL is entering the midpoint of the season, and the action has been fast and furious. By all reports, last week was a truly fantastic Football Saturday as the weather was awesome, the bar was hopping, and the games were (mostly) pretty great. It was a mixture of everything that makes this league great: B’s Brother, nice weather, old friends hanging out, new friendships being made, lots of drinks at the bar being crushed, and of course some football being mixed in. Those are the days that I miss the most, as of course I now live in my log cabin in Des Moines, Iowa and am unable to make it to the fields often. From the sounds of things, however, it seems as though things are running smoothly and the league is in a good place.
So good of course, that we have some pretty nice storylines setting up for us as we enter the meat of the season. What are they? Well, I’m glad you asked!
-Losing Streak has defeated Eyes Downtown to get to 3-0, and life doesn’t get any easier for them as they take on the also 3-0 Sticky Bandits in a matchup that could actually be considered a D1 championship preview.
-Meanwhile, Scared Hitless has scored 24 points on the season, and someone really needs to tell them that tanking doesn’t work in the TSL. There is no draft, and they won’t be able to get a new QB that way. I’m sorry, but the league will not be able to put you in D2 midseason, no matter how hard you try.
-The top 4 teams in D2 (there are only 5 mind you) are currently all in the Top 13 overall in the Super Kool Topper Rankings System, sitting at 5, 9, 10, and 13. That means they’re all playing great football and beating up on each other.
-The 5th D2 team is Practice Squad, and yes, they’re 0-3, but they’re OH SO CLOSE to winning these games. They don’t get blown out. Their point differential is only -14. Multiple outlets have reported that they’re only one or two plays away from winning every game. B, figure it out. This is on you.
-D3 is looking like it’s separating into the contenders (Bullet Club, Wanderers, Itches and Ohs, Jabronies, maybe Let’s Get Reccked) and the pretenders (maybe Let’s Get Reccked, Vaspian, Can’t Touch This, and The Kellers) pretty early.
-Puckett is on a mission to destroy everyone in their way in D4, as they have 110 points in two games. I don’t think they’ll keep up the 55 points per game average the entire season, but with a game against the Creekers this week (and the Stunts too), maybe I’m wrong.
-The BAADies might be saddled with Garrett Beesing being a huge problem, but their defense isn’t anything to write home about overall either. Most of these ladies played fantastic defense on the Angels just a few seasons ago, so it’s not like they don’t know how to do it, but perhaps the rust is still needing to be cleared all the way off.
-TMA is sitting at 2-0 and running the show in D5 despite all of the losses they had this offseason. A big part of that is the play of the ageless wonder Dorene Major and Raena O’Neil who have both been excellent since joining the squad.
-On the other side of D5, the Tater Tots and ILF aren’t exactly having the seasons anyone envisioned when things kicked off a few weeks ago. Injuries and inconsistencies overall have both teams sitting at 1-2 and things aren’t looking up. On the plus side, these two franchises have been around long enough that they know to keep their heads cool and there’s plenty of football left. I hear ILF should let Becca QB though, so they can have better results than the apparent “bum” they have throwing currently.
-D6 is wild, and Southside is just pummeling the competition. They dropped a 52-6 win on Blitzkrieg last weekend to show that they’ll be in D5 next season whether they win or not. Southside is averaging nearly 42 points a game, and only allowing just under 13 points a game. When your average score is 42-13, it’s time to move on. (For reference, the next best offense averages 30 points per game, and that’s the team Southside just held to 6 points, Blitzkrieg. The next best defense allows 22 points, The Tuddies)
-The Sausage McMuffins are also 3-0 in D6 and are quietly one of the best TSL stories so far this season. I’ve heard nothing but good things about this team, and they apparently have cool jerseys (which I’ll need someone to send me a picture of them to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. please). We’ll see if they’re for real this week when they play Blitzkrieg, who should be looking to right the ship after last week’s disaster.
-The rest of the new teams in D6 need to figure things out a bit more as Pit Harade, Back That Pass Up, and the Mighty Drunks are a combined 1-7 on the season so far. And the one win was PH beating the Drunks last week.
So there you have it, some really cool storylines developing, and there’s nothing better than looking back at this article in about a month and seeing just how much everything changed. That’s the one thing about the TSL: anything can happen, and it usually does here. A team could figure things out and go on a run, someone can look mighty awesome all season and blow it in the playoffs. Like you, I’m excited to see it all play out. We’re on to Week 4:
D1:
Last Week’s Games:
Sticky Bandits 30, Grey Hair Don’t Care 27
Tight Ends In Motion 27, Frodo Swaggins 21
Losing Streak 39, Eyes Downtown 38
Legends 40, Scared Hitless 12
D1 was mostly fantastic across the board this week, as we saw three great games and then the usual “Who beat the crap out of Scared Hitless?” game that we’re going to seem to get each week. This week it was the Legends, as Melanie helped her new team put a few nails in her old team’s coffin. The rumors of the demise of Grey Hair (and Frodo) were unfounded even though both teams lost. Grey Hair losing by 3 to Sticky is nothing to be upset about, and the same goes for Frodo losing by 6 to Tight Ends. And then Losing Streak stays atop the mountain of D1 with a thrilling one point win over Eyes Downtown.
This Week’s Games:
Losing Streak vs Sticky Bandits (EVEN) - The Game of the Day is at 10:00am on Field 1 as the two undefeated teams in D1 will do battle to see who will be in the driver’s seat for the Week 1 bye in the playoffs (that just means they’d play Scared Hitless). This one can go either way, and I hope both teams aren’t missing anyone this week. LOSING STREAK BY 1
Legends vs Tight Ends In Motion (+3) - This should be an old fashioned slobberknocker itself. We still don’t know if TEIM can score enough to keep up with the Legends (TEIM has only played 2 games), but if anyone can slow the Legends down, it's the TEIM defense. TEIM is really flying under the radar this season, they’re basically a championship afterthought. LEGENDS BY 8
Tight Ends In Motion vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+7) - TEIM will be coming off a highly competitive game (hopefully) against Legends, only to be thrown right into a second game with a very spry Grey Hair team. Grey Hair has shown they can hang with the big boys (and girls) in D1, but they’ve got a LITTLE more work to do before they can be considered true contenders. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 3
Legends vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+10) - Things don’t get any easier for Grey Hair on this day. LEGENDS BY 14
D2:
Last Week’s Games:
Mavericks 41, Practice Squad 37
Freeballers 50, Mavericks 41
Well, the Mavericks certainly enjoyed scoring 41 points last week. It proved to be enough to sneak by Practice Squad, but then it wasn’t enough to beat the Freeballers. That pretty much sums up D2 at this point.
This Week’s Games:
No Punt Intended vs Practice Squad (+7) - NPI hasn’t lost a game yet, and Practice Squad hasn’t won a game yet. Logically, this would mean it should be an easy call to take NPI here. However, Travis is long overdue for a bad game, and Practice Squad is hungry. They’ve been so close to winning, and I think it's time. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 8
Untouchaballs vs Mavericks (EVEN) - Yes, the Mavericks can score (37 points per game so far), but they can’t stop anyone either (35 points allowed per game). Their very weak defense will more than likely be their demise, and if there’s any team that can exploit that Mavericks’ D while also slowing them down on offense, it's the Untouchaballs. Jeremy Burr is going to continue slinging the rock all over the place here. UNTOUCHABALLS BY 12
D3:
Last Week’s Games:
Wanderers 20, Vaspian 18
Can’t Touch This 19, Let’s Get Reccked 12
Itches and Ohs 22, Bullet Club 21
Jabronies 41, Degeneration Sexxy 28
The Wanderers continue to win, and they continue to keep games close, taking a 2 point victory over Vaspian. Can’t Touch This finally gets in the win column, beating LGR. Steve Moser and company engineers a comeback victory to hand Bullet Club their first loss of the season. And the Jabronies ended up being the only D3 team to score over 30 points last week, taking out D-Sex.
This Week’s Games:
Can’t Touch This vs Degeneration Sexxy (+6) - It’s hard to pinpoint what’s wrong with D-Sex right now, because they should be better than 0-3 with that roster. It seems there’s issues on both sides of the ball for them. CTT is improving each week, and if they truly think they’re a D3 contender, they have to win this game convincingly. They won’t. DEGENERATION SEXXY BY 4
Can’t Touch This vs Vaspian (+3) - …but they will here. I’m not quite sure what Vaspian is just yet, but I think they’re more the team that lost 20-18 than the team that got blown out the week before. Vaspian has always been a great defensive team that struggles to score. CTT won’t struggle to score. CAN'T TOUCH THIS BY 4
Bullet Club vs Let’s Get Reccked (+7) - Speaking of teams I have no idea about, Let’s Get Reccked is on that list. Sometimes they look just awesome, other times they look lost. What I do know is that over the last 10 years, the Easton-led Bullet Club teams have always had great battles against the Buchlis/Baker teams in the past so this should be a doozy. Look out for BC’s new girl Kelsey by the way, she can play. BULLET CLUB BY 1 WHEN LGR GOES FOR TWO AT THE END TO WIN
Wanderers vs Itches and Ohs (EVEN) - Two D3 contenders square off as these ball control offenses do battle. Both teams march down the field and score, which means we’re looking at a low scoring game here. I’m not entirely sure who’s going to take this one, but I do think it’ll be by 2 points. I flipped a coin. ITCHES AND OHS BY 2
Jabronies vs Vaspian (+7) - Jabronies have been much better since a Week 1 loss to LGR in the wind and rain. They’ve averaged a 42-28 win in their games since, albeit against the bottom teams in the division. The Jabronies are essentially climbing the D3 ladder, they get Vaspian this week before getting to play Wanderers, Itches and Ohs (twice), and Bullet Club for a rough end to the season. They’ll need this win. JABRONIES BY 12
D4:
Last Week’s Games:
Passing While Intoxicated 43, Buffalo Vice 25
BAADies 28, Creekers 21
Puckett All-Stars 48, Travis Henry’s Kids 18
Cunning Stunts 35, Cobblestone 26
PWI might just be good at this football thing. The reigning D5 champs moved to 2-1 on the season with an impressive win over a good Buffalo Vice team. Take away a Week 1 loss to THK, and we’re looking at a 3-0 PWI team. The BAADies did it! They won! And apparently Garrett did his best to blow that game at the end too. The Stunts also snuck by Cobblestone to give us a double gender team victory weekend. Finally, Puckett dominated THK so badly that we had reports of the “Langley blames an injury that isn’t there for his bad performance” move. Yikes.
This Week’s Games:
Buffalo Vice vs Cobblestone (+3) - Buffalo Vice looks to get back on the winning track this week against Cobblestone. There’s nothing wrong with Vice losing to a very good PWI team, they’re still on track for a great season. I haven’t heard from Dan yet to give me the skinny on anything (Dan: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. now, thanks) Vice related yet. Cobblestone actually looks good. Darryl has a team of athletes, and when he has that, he can beat anyone. The man with the perfect hair is getting in sync with everyone on his squad and once they click, look out. But not this week. BUFFALO VICE BY 14
Travis Henry’s Kids vs Creekers (+17) - If there’s one thing THK has done over the years, it’s bounce back big after a loss. The fact that they’re getting the brand new Creekers team is only going to make that worse. This one has “Blowout of the Day” written all over it. THK has their weaknesses, namely one of the weakest female groups in the TSL, but none of that should matter here. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 20
Puckett All-Stars vs Creekers (+17) - Wait, I lied. THIS has “Blowout of the Day” written all over it. I hope for the Creekers’ sake it isn't true, but they only scored 8 against Cobblestone and then only got 21 against the BAADies’ porous defense. Now they get back to back games against teams that can score at will when they want? That 99-0 forfeit score isn’t looking too bad here. Puckett is just on fire. That’s it. That’s the tweet. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 30
Puckett All-Stars vs Cunning Stunts (+8) - Last year, the Stunts beat PAS in Week 1, and PAS never forgot about that game. They still think about it. I get the sense they’ve been waiting for this one. They’re going to look to crush the ladies here. But they won’t. The Stunts are still a smart team and with Joey Batts at the helm, they’ll consistently play smart football. As long as Joey is on, it’ll be a close game. But even still, PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 6
D5:
Last Week’s Games:
GUCCI 33, Goatsack! 27
TMA 51, Tater Tots 12
Goatsack! 24, Not So Sticky 22
Come From Behind 34, ILF 12
GUCCI 35, Long Balls 15
I was instantly told by Jeff Krol after last week’s article was released that he got a text stating that the GUCCI-Goatsack game was indeed the first meeting ever between these two long standing franchises, which I find impressive since it feels like they were playing well before I moved to Iowa. The first time they crossed paths was a good one, with GUCCI taking a 6 point win to keep Goatsack out of the win column this season. Until an hour later anyway, when they beat Not So Sticky to get that W. TMA wiped the floor with the Tater Tots, which was sort of unexpected. Come From Behind wiped the floor with ILF, which was sort of expected. And then GUCCI made it 2-0 on the day with a nice 20 point win over the Long Balls.
This Week’s Games:
Come From Behind vs Not So Sticky (+6) - These two teams played some fun matches a couple of seasons ago, and now they’re back to reignite the rivalry. NSS has been good, but not great in their D5 return, and CFB has been great, not good this season so far. The NSS offense will have no chance to keep up with the CFB offense, even though both teams play great defense. Give this one to the veterans. COME FROM BEHIND BY 8
Tater Tots vs Long Balls (+7) - The Tots seemed to have had a bad week last time out, but I’m sure they’ll put that behind them quickly. The Long Balls have had mixed results so far this season, looking bad against NSS, good against Goatsack!, and then bad again against GUCCI. Logically that means they’ll look good this week, right? No. TATER TOTS BY 10
TMA vs Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (+7) - TMA is just doing TMA things this season, which means scoring points and playing great defense. They get an ILF squad that, all jokes aside, got blindsided by their QB leaving them, and now they’re working hard to figure it out. An offense that is learning how to be an offense vs a defense that’s been a top defense for a long time isn’t a good matchup. TMA BY 13
D6:
Last Week’s Games:
Sausage McMuffins 37, Grass Eaters 31
Southside 52, Blitzkrieg 6
Pit Harade 54, Mighty Drunks 30
Two Tuddies 41, Balls Deep 14
The Sausage McMuffins continue to be a fun story in the TSL, as they moved to 3-0 with a win over the Grass Eaters. Southside rocked Blitzkrieg in a 46 point thrashing that may have Alex considering coaching in the spring too. Doesn’t seem like the real Light Red Hoodie Guy backed up his gloating email to me very well either. You hate to see it. Pit Harade looked pretty competent against the Mighty Drunks, getting their first victory. And we wrap it up with the Tud Buds just smacking around Balls Deep in an easy win.
This Week’s Games:
Sausage McMuffins vs Blitzkrieg (EVEN) - I don’t know what happened to Blitzkrieg. Someone mentioned they might have new jerseys that are cursed. Either way, they’re going up against a completely not cursed Sausage McMuffins team that gets their first big test of the season. If the McMuffins handle business here, that matchup against Southside will be one to watch. SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS BY 8
Two Tuddies vs Back That Pass Up (+7) - How great is the Tuddies story? They joined the league a couple of seasons ago, and things didn’t go well at all. They almost folded. Then they got a new QB, new females, and things just started to click. Now they’re an outside title favorite! The Tud Buds are yet another TSL success story. They take on Back That Pass Up, which looks like someone just googled “kind of funny football team names”, but they trot out Jeff May at QB so they have some stability to start. BTPU is learning how to play offense together, and they remind me a lot of how the Tuddies started out. TSL life is cyclical like that. TWO TUDDIES BY 7
Pit Harade vs Back That Pass Up (EVEN) - BTPU gets a double header, but this time it's against Pit Harade, another new team that got their first win last week. PH is following the blueprint for how to start a team: get a bunch of nondescript guys who are okay-fine, get one good guy (Tall Bearded Guy), get a veteran QB (Nick Hawes), and then get girls who are all better than most of the guys. Rayanna, Ashley, and Jen have combined for a lot of touchdowns (Rayanna throwing three touchdowns was my most emailed information to me last weekend) and they're playing excellent defense. PH will go as far as these ladies take them. PIT HARADE BY 6
Grass Eaters vs Pit Harade (+7) - Despite the new team praise, PH then finds themselves against a Grass Eaters team that might just be too smart for D6. I know that this team is pretty much “Steve and Rylee Moser doing Steve and Rylee things” but that’s all they need in D6. If they get anything out of the rest of their roster, it's a bonus. GRASS EATERS BY 10
Balls Deep vs Mighty Drunks (+10) - The Drunks are still figuring things out but they’re led by “Kinda Tall, Good Hands” Kid, who is reported to continually make plays. Balls Deep is a little all over the place so far this season, Looking good in their win over Pit Harade, but not good at all in their loss to the Tuddies. They also hung with the McMuffins in Week 1. I don’t know what to really make of them, but the Drunks shouldn’t give them an issue. BALLS DEEP BY 17
Southside vs Balls Deep (+20) - …..but Southside sure will. Southside is too good for this division. I’m aware that historically, whenever we say that about a team after Week 3, they don’t win the title, but this team FEELS different. That bloodbath over Blitzkrieg felt like a declaration of sorts, that D6 runs through Southside and whoever steps foot against them will be punished accordingly. Balls Deep, it's your turn. SOUTHSIDE BY 22
FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:
- Can you be at the fields by 10? I’m serious, the game of the day will be Losing Streak vs Sticky Bandits, and you’ll want to watch this one. Who will be 4-0? Can Jordan continue to climb the power rankings? Lots of intrigue here.
- Why haven’t we been using the original Field 2? Well, there was apparently a huge rock that was sticking out, which can only be one thing: dangerous. To avoid anyone getting hurt, we weren’t using that field. But TRAVIS gets a gold star, as I was told he single handedly dug that rock out of the ground, and filled in the hole himself. Great work TCB!
- What’s Next? Horses? Okay, shout out to the pet pig that was at the fields last weekend. And I know people have been bringing their dogs to the fields too. First off, more pictures. Secondly, remember to watch your pets. Last time we had a bunch of pets at the fields, there was an incident, and pets were banned for a bit. They’re back, so let’s make sure our furry friends can keep coming.
- Is Topper going to finally make an appearance at the fields? The rumors are rampant that the one and only Patrick McGovern, the true Godfather of the TSL, will be back at the “THE HOUSE THAT TOPPER AND LENNY BUILT” this weekend. It isn’t finalized yet, but if he’s there, you better give him a drink.
- WHEN IS B’S BROTHER’S HOTTEST TSL FEMALES LIST GOING TO DROP? The most important rankings that the TSL has to offer, B’s Brother’s Top 10 list, is allegedly in the works. This man is an artist, and we can’t rush him, but Jeffrey, the entire league can’t wait to see what you have cooked up.
TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:
- Good work to everyone refereeing this season. I haven’t been informed of one ref controversy yet, which means you’re doing great.
- Speaking of good reffing, I heard Coach Jay has been around the fields again, which is probably why everything is running so smoothly. Shout out to Coach Jay, who was huge in helping the league continue on after we lost Lenny and Rameer.
- Speaking of Rameer, man I miss talking to that guy. There was nothing better, more informative, or more long-winded than a Rameer e-mail about the day’s events for my next article. He was a huge reason I’ve been writing this thing from afar for so long. If you’re feeling nostalgic, go click on “The Rant” and read some of his old articles. Fuck Cancer.
- Social media is important to the league to get the word out about us, and to get our current league members more up to date on the happenings around the league. So please, take a few seconds to follow us on Facebook (www.facebook.com/TopperSports) and Instagram (@toppers_sports_league). Tell your friends!
- Breakfast Club Predictions:
- Komosexuals 38, The VaJennas 22
- The ASS 40, Liddle Dubs 36
- Steph Infection 47, BDSM 44
- Games of the Day:
- 10:00 - Losing Streak vs Sticky Bandits
- 11:00 - Mavericks vs Untouchaballs
- 12:00 - Back That Pass Up vs Pit Harade
- 1:00 - Tight Ends In Motion vs Grey Hair Don’t Care
- 2:00 - Bullet Club vs Let’s Get Reccked
- 3:00 - Itches and Ohs vs Wanderers
- The current forecast for Buffalo tomorrow is looking like 75 degrees and sunny. Perfect football weather. Use your sunscreen, but also make sure you stay hydrated. That’s very important. It’s supposed to be thunderstorming with tornado warnings here in Des Moines, so I’m very jealous of you guys this week.
- Just a reminder for the new teams out there: Don’t bring your own alcohol to the fields. I didn’t hear any reports of this happening, but it's just a reminder. If you get caught, league officials will be forced to dump it out in front of you and ban you for a week.
- It appears the TSL podcast will always need some guests, so if you want to be on the show, let Joe K and Jeff Krol know asap!
- If there’s one thing you can do every week, it's to go up to a new team or some new players and make friends with them. Have a drink with them, and get them really into the spirit of the TSL. This league thrives on getting new people and characters into the bar/league and the more that people show their personalities, the better we all are. Go make friends, it’s what Lenny used to do every single week.
Week 4 is here, and it’s shaping up to be one of the best weeks of the season weather wise, and game wise. If there were ever a week to bring new people who might want to start playing next season to the fields, this is the time. Have fun this time around.
If you need me, I’ll be in the cut.
-GF OUT
WEEK 2 THOUGHTS, PICKS AND STUFF
- Details
- Category: The Godfather's Picks
- Created: Friday, 28 April 2023 13:03
- Published: Friday, 28 April 2023 13:03
- Written by Jeff Krol
- Hits: 1180
And we’re off!
The Spring 2023 session of the TSL officially began last weekend, as the Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality got off to a rousing start. It was a fantastic day, if you played at 10:00. After that, I received multiple reports of wind, rain, “sideways rain from the wind”, and it was a bit chilly as the day continued. On the plus side, we finished every single game. On the minus side, it wasn’t as telling a ‘Week 1’ as it should’ve been.
But none of that matters, because in my over ten years of doing this, I’ve come to learn that Week 1 is NEVER a good representation of how the season goes. So how is one supposed to know what was a good example of what is to come and what was just a Week 1 mirage?
Well, you get me to tell you. My extremely keen eye has been trained over the years to accurately recognize these sorts of things.
THINGS THAT YOU SHOULDN’T BELIEVE:
-Goatsack and Scared Hitless both got shut out this weekend, but don’t expect that trend to continue. While they were lucky enough to play in the “good” weather hours (11:00 was mostly dry?) they didn’t play *that* bad. Some end zone interceptions for Goatsack did them in (which happens against Come From Behind) and Scared Hitless was shaking off the rust, missing some people, and went up against Sticky Bandits who had just won the indoor league and were much more ready to go.
-The Tater Tots started the season off with a loss, but I’m attributing most of that to them only having one female to start the game and Derek Pew still needing to get used to his receivers. Trying to do all of that in terrible weather means an uninspiring loss that won’t matter as time goes on.
THINGS THAT YOU MAYBE SHOULD BELIEVE:
-Grey Hair Don’t Care looked like they’re for real last weekend, going head to head with Eyes Downtown in a close loss before dismantling Frodo Swaggins. They’ve got some new jerseys and they’re in a “look good, feel good” state of mind.
-Let's Get Reccked was reportedly dominant over the Jabronies last weekend, and it seems like adding Buchlis and Baker to the team really has them going in the right direction.
THINGS THAT YOU SHOULD BELIEVE:
-Wanderers showed they belonged this weekend, gutting out a tough win over Degeneration Sexxy after a close loss to Bullet Club. They’re 100% going to be in the mix for the D3 championship.
-Southside is scary good in D6, and they should be considered the favorites to win the division from here on out.
-Frodo Swaggins is going to be overmatched in D1.
The point of all this is simple: it doesn’t matter how good or how bad you looked in Week 1. We still have a LOT of football left for you to get better (or for everything to go really, really wrong).
Now let’s get to the games:
D1:
Last Week’s Games:
Sticky Bandits 37, Scared Hitless 0
Losing Streak 22, Tight Ends In Motion 8
Eyes Downtown 27, Grey Hair Don’t Care 20
Legends 45, Frodo Swaggins 14
Grey Hair Don’t Care 40, Frodo Swaggins 10
Sticky Bandits start off hot against Scared Hitless as they cruise to an easy victory to start the season off right. Losing Streak makes a statement that they’re in this as a serious D1 contender, playing strong against a TEIM squad that is still figuring things out in their little roster shake up they had. Eyes Downtown came out victorious against a VERY spry GHDC team who looked very good in defeat, and then even better in a dominant victory over Frodo Swaggins. Things didn’t go well for Frodo at all last weekend, as they also lost to the Legends, who were starting their backup QB and still managed to put up 45 points.
This Week’s Games:
Legends vs Sticky Bandits (EVEN) - What a way to kick off the day for the TSL! The defending outdoor champs vs the indoor champions. Both of these teams have title aspirations and they both looked very, very good last week in blowout victories. I’m expecting a very close game where the first team that blinks on offense will lose the game. For whatever reason, I feel like that’s going to be Sticky. LEGENDS BY 3
Eyes Downtown vs Frodo Swaggins (+17) - 17 points is a pretty steep line, but I’m not the one that makes the lines. Eyes Downtown looked pretty sharp last week, even in the elements. Frodo looked like a team that needs a little more time to get it together. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and being a contending D1 team takes a little more time than one week. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 15
Losing Streak vs Scared Hitless (+10) - Losing Streak looked right at home last weekend, cruising to a victory over TEIM. Scared Hitless looked pretty much the opposite of that. As I mentioned before though, Scared Hitless shouldn’t be assumed to be a cake walk. They’ve proven time and again that they sometimes start slow but if you sleep on them, you’ll get beat. They’re deserving of your respect. In this battle though, as long as Losing Streak doesn’t come into this game thinking it’ll be easy, they won’t be upset. LOSING STREAK BY 7
D2:
Last Week’s Games:
No Punt Intended 32, Untouchaballs 31
No Punt Intended 27, Mavericks 26
Untouchaballs 21, Freeballers 15
Freeballers 34, Practice Squad 29
D2 last week: 4 games, 5 teams, all one score games. Ladies and Gentlemen, D2 is going to be absolutely awesome all year. Like you, when I saw that D2 was only going to have 5 teams this year, I was bummed. It made me long for the years where D2 was the most fun division in the league. Well, we might be back to that. If every game is going to be a close one like this, where anyone can win at any time? This is going to be FUN. There are no stragglers in this division, and every team should’ve walked away last week thinking they could win the title. No Punt Intended is 2-0 after two straight one point wins over Untouchaballs and the Mavericks, who were up 26-0 at one point. The Untouchaballs went 1-1 after a close loss to NPI but they rebounded to beat the Freeballers. The Freeballers then went on to go 1-1 themselves after beating Practice Squad in PS’ D2 Debut. All of these teams are going to be better. Everyone is going to be awesome. D2 is must see Social Co-Ed Football.
This Week’s Games:
Untouchaballs vs Mavericks (+3) - One of the least surprising reports my field spies sent me was that Jeremy Burr was DEALING last Saturday. He was VERY close to being 2-0, and there’s a good chance he spent most of the last week lamenting that loss. The Mavericks might have gotten too cocky when they got out to a big lead and that cost them in the end, so hopefully they’ve already learned not to assume that they have a game in hand. This should be fun, but I’ll roll with Burr right now. UNTOUCHABALLS BY 3
No Punt Intended vs Freeballers (+3) - NPI went to 2-0 against arguably their toughest two competitors in D2, but like I said earlier, this can be anyone’s division. If the Freeballers are for real, this is the game for them to show everyone in the TSL they can win this division. Right now, it feels like they’re a step behind, but it’s a baby step. And that baby step is what ruins them this week. NO PUNT INTENDED BY 2.
Mavericks vs Freeballers (+1) - While I don’t think any game is a “must win”, as soon as I typed “Mavericks vs Freeballers” that’s the feeling I got. Considering that I’m currently saying both of these teams are going to lose their first games, I think both teams are going to come into this one with a little more desire to get into the win column. The Freeballers don’t want to be 1-3, and the Mavericks don’t want to be 0-3. That means we’ll get some fun football here. But I think the Mavericks will pull this out. MAVERICKS BY 2.
D3:
Last Week’s Games:
Bullet Club 42, Can’t Touch This 37
Bullet Club 38, Wanderers 34
Wanderers 31, Degeneration Sexxy 28
Let’s Get Reccked 28, Jabronies 7
Bullet Club picks up where they left off last season, getting out to a 2-0 record with last minute wins over Can’t Touch This and the Wanderers. The Wanderers would go on to win a close one in their next game against Degeneration Sexxy. Let's Get Reccked handled the Jabronies pretty easily. A lot of exciting games in D3 so far, and we haven’t even seen Vaspian and Itches and Ohs play yet either. I don’t think a favorite has truly shown themselves here just yet.
This Week’s Games:
Bullet Club vs Vaspian (+7) - Vaspian makes a jump up to D3 after getting Drew Colosimo back on the roster after a few seasons Drew-less in D4. Their first game is against the 2-0 Bullet Club, who looked good, but not great last week. Vaspian has been known for having some very good defense, and with Travis Henry’s Kids playing at the same time as BC this week, I’d wager that they’ll be missing Pete (bad thing) and Langley (good thing). This all adds up to a Vaspian “upset” of sorts. VASPIAN BY 6
Can’t Touch This vs Jabronies (EVEN) - Both teams lost last week, but one of these teams looked good doing it. Can’t Touch This had a battle with Bullet Club and they took the lead late before giving up a late TD to lose at the end. Multiple eyewitness reports said that CTT looked really good, like they’re about to take the next step in their development. The Jabronies have the knowledge on how to be successful in this league, and maybe last week was an aberration, but until they show me otherwise, I'll just go with the trends. CAN'T TOUCH THIS BY 6
Wanderers vs Let’s Get Reccked (+3) - The Wanderers had the impressive debut that everyone thought they would. They were very close to starting out 2-0, and were as good as advertised. Let’s Get Reccked turned a few heads with a dominating win over the Jabronies after jumping up two divisions. This should be a great back and forth between two smart teams. WANDERERS BY 1
Degeneration Sexxy vs Itches and Ohs (+8) - Itches and Ohs gets back on the field this week for the first time this season. The Ohs have had mixed results in D3 so far, and things aren’t going to get any easier after losing Laura for the season. I’m not sure how they attempted to replace that productivity. They get a Degeneration Sexxy team that looked good in defeat last week, as the Kellers continue to play smart football. They still have all-world WR Katie Keller, and a host of talent for Scotty Dro to fire the ball at. DEGENERATION SEXXY BY 10
D4:
Last Week’s Games:
Buffalo Vice 38, Baadies 33
Travis Henry’s Kids 39, Cobblestone 13
Not a ton of action in D4, as only half the division had games last week. Buffalo Vice started the season off right with a win over the Baadies, who looked good in defeat. Garrett was on the TSL Podcast this week (listen on Spotify!) taking blame for the loss, but everyone already knew it was going to be his fault. Travis Henry’s Kids had an easy time navigating the elements in a win over Cobblestone, who were a bit shorthanded anyway. Still, a good start for THK.
This Week’s Games:
Travis Henry’s Kids vs Passing While Intoxicated (+3) - THK gets a tougher test this week as they take on the defending D5 champions in PWI, who moved up to D4 this season. PWI is largely the same exact team as they were before, so it may take them a minute to adjust to the step up in competition. THK adding Aaron from TOX will turn out to pay dividends as Langley can’t possibly throw to Pete on every play. Right? TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 7
Baadies vs Passing While Intoxicated (+6) - Baadie’s Angels look to get their first win of the season after nearly capturing it a week ago. While PWI has played together for a bit, they haven’t had to play a gender team of this caliber before, and they may not be able to keep pace. The PWI Ladies are solid but none of them can really hold up with the Angels, and I expect Garrett to exploit those mismatches. BAADIES BY 13
Buffalo Vice vs Cunning Stunts (EVEN) - It’s always a good game when these two teams meet, so this should be no different. Vice gets the pleasure of getting the gender teams out of the way early in the schedule, and they usually perform very well against them regardless. I think getting the Stunts in their first game of the season will be helpful, and Vice moves to 2-0. BUFFALO VICE BY 4
Puckett All-Stars vs Baadies (+6) - Puckett was very, very good last season. They’ve had 6 months to really think about how they should’ve been D4 champions, and I think they’re coming back with a vengeance to win it all this season. I expect them to be pretty fired up for this one. They’re talented all around, and they have some sneaky good females to help them keep pace. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 3
Cobblestone vs Creekers (+6) - The Creekers are a brand new team that I don't believe have played a down yet in an organized league. Darryl Carr QB Superstar alone has played 3,259,505 snaps. The Creekers get to play football royalty off the bat, and Darryl is going to eat their “learn defense on the fly” defense up. COBBLESTONE BY 20, DARRYL WILL LOOK AWESOME
D5:
Last Week’s Games:
Come From Behind 32, Goatsack! 0
TMA 30, Gucci 26
ILF 20, Tater Tots 13
Not So Sticky 18, Long Balls 7
D5 gave us a lot to think about. Come From Behind welcomed Goatsack to the league in a 32-0 drubbing, but reports were positive that Goatsack should be fine. CFB, meanwhile, looks like a big D5 contender this time around. TMA showed that they’re going to be just fine without half of their team as they took a close game against Gucci, who also looked really good in their return to the TSL. ILF snuck out a victory over the Tots who were still learning how to gel with their new QB. And Not So Sticky got a win as the D6 champs from the Fall welcomed the Long Balls into the league the only way they know how. Fun football.
This Week’s Games:
Goatsack vs Long Balls (+3) - Okay, so these teams may have only combined for 7 points total last week, but Goatsack gets tons of credit for really showing up where it counts: The Bar. These teams were playing some very good D5 title contenders right out of the gate, so the view is skewed on them slightly. This should be an excellent matchup, and in this case, give me the team that’s played together for forever. GOATSACK! BY 13
Not So Sticky vs Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (+7) - With Andrew Kicak throwing for ILF, their chances of winning dramatically decline. I say this, fully knowing that they’re 1-0 right now. But Not So Sticky knows Andrew pretty well, and they’re 100% going to exploit his lack of talents this week. NOT SO STICKY BY 12, KICAK THROWS TWO PICKS.
Come From Behind vs Tater Tots (+7) - Come From Behind is looking like the early D5 favorites, and why shouldn’t they? They have a perfect mix of old and new talent, they represent well at the bar, and they’re in the mix EVERY YEAR. This shouldn’t be a surprise. The Tater Tots start a little slow every Spring, mainly because they’ve been missing in the Fall, and they always seem to be breaking in a new QB. But once they click, watch out. I think this is another week of “figuring it out”. COME FROM BEHIND BY 9
D6:
Last Week’s Games:
Southside 43, Back That Pass Up 12
Grass Eaters 38, Mighty Drunks 15
Southside 30, Two Tuddies 20
Sausage McMuffins 12, Balls Deep 6
Week 1 cemented Southside’s status as the team to beat in D6. They took Back That Pass Up to the woodshed, before beating the Two Tuddies by double digits as well. That’s one way to make a statement, and I see you. The Grass Eaters welcomed the Mighty Drunks to the league with a loss, and the Sausage McMuffins, who I’ve been told literally have shirts with Sausage McMuffins on them (and that’s fantastic), squeaked by Balls Deep.
This Week’s Games:
Sausage McMuffins vs Back That Pass Up (EVEN) - Both teams played hard last week, and both teams walked away with scoring 12 points a piece. That tells me we’re going to see a bit of a defensive battle this time around, or maybe it's offensive ineptitude? I think we’ll see a pretty fun back and forth game, but when all is said and done, give me the McMuffins because it’s more fun to say. SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS BY 5
Blitzkrieg vs Pit Harade (+10) - If there’s any team that will stand up to Southside, it's going to be Blitzkrieg. It’s the Spring session, and I was so politely reminded that Alex. Is. Back. BK’s biggest issue is always “who’s going to be the QB”, but not when Alex is there. He’s the leader of the offense, and the guy who knows the secret to Blitzkrieg’s success: Throw to Light Red Hoodie Guy. Pit Harade is going to have a hell of a time in their first game against these guys. I don’t know many names on this roster, but they at least have a QB in Nick Hawes, and a nice offensive line in Joe K and Dave Walter. That probably won’t be enough. BLITZKRIEG BY 16
Blitzkrieg vs Mighty Drunks (+10) - Blitzkrieg continues to ease into the season with another new team that’s still figuring things out. BK is essentially playing their preseason games now as they stroll to 2-0. BLITZKRIEG BY 10
Balls Deep vs Pit Harade (+3) - Balls Deep might have an advantage for not being what seems like a mostly new team here. Plus, there are Spinelli’s players all over the place in this one. Balls Deep struggled to score last week, but that may have been more due to the weather than anything. BALLS DEEP BY 3
FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:
- Are We Playing Football? That’s the best question yet again this week. I just checked the weather, and it looks like it’s going to rain in Buffalo all day today and tomorrow. I don’t know if the games are going to be canceled or not, and Jeff Krol has proceeded to email the captains yet again to be on standby for any alerts about the cancellation of games. I know they’ll try to get as many in as possible.
- How was the bar scene last week? It was awesome from what I’ve been told! Many teams across many divisions stuck around and drank outside and inside. The jukebox was rocking and everyone was having a good time. Many new teams were hanging out: Goatsack, Gucci, Wanderers, while the usuals were also there: Come From Behind, everyone who played on the DILFs but they’re on other teams now, etc. Just to name a few. If these rumored bar specials show up soon, it’s only going to get better.
- How is Breakfast Club looking? It’s looking great. The rosters I was shown are the most even across the board that we’ve had in a long time. There isn’t a stand out team that “should” dominate, and there isn’t a team that you look at and go “oh, they’re probably the worst one”. The girls did a great job drafting, and we may get the most competitive Breakfast Club ever. If you didn’t sign up this season, I’d STRONGLY encourage you to take a chance and do it in the fall.
- How can I get on the podcast? Where do I listen? If you want your weekly dose of the TSL podcast, you can listen to it either on the website, or on Spotify. However, I’ve been told that very soon you’ll be able to listen to the podcast on a bunch of different mediums, so there’s a good chance your preferred podcast listening method will be on there. If you want to be on to talk about your game, your team, or whatever just ask Jeff Krol, Joe K, Garrett, Travis, Topper if he’s there, or whoever and they’ll get you on. The more people the better.
- Did you sign a waiver? People who haven’t signed a waiver yet will not be allowed to play on Saturday, so quit monkeying around and get to it!
TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:
- Breakfast Club Predictions:
- Liddle Dubs 24, Steph Infection 20
- The VaJennas 34, BDSM 25
- The Ash Slinging Slashers 40, Komosexuals 33
- There are a LOT of team names that have to do with Asses, Balls, etc. Let’s get a little more original here people.
- The Games of the Day:
- 10:00 - Legends vs Sticky Bandits
- 11:00 - Goatsack vs Long Balls
- 12:00 - Freeballers vs Mavericks
- 1:00 - ILF vs Not So Sticky
- 2:00 - BAADies vs Puckett All-Stars
- 3:00 - Degeneration Sexxy vs Itches and Ohs
- No, I don’t know if we’ll be able to get all of the games played if we get rained out. I know that the lack of an extra field really hinders that. So unless there are games at 8am (yuck) or 4pm (also yuck), or on random Thursday (might be cool?) we may just have some ties coming into play.
- The schedule for the first week of the playoffs has been released to your captains. There will NOT be any game switching or any shenanigans associated with that. You have nearly two months to figure out how to be there.
- Captains were also supplied with a handy dandy “what color do the other teams in my division wear?” sheet this week. One of the many improvements since Topper stopped doing as much. If you see you’re playing someone that’s wearing the same color, just have everyone bring a white (or black, or whatever) shirt with them that week.
- Speaking of Topper, will he actually show up at the fields this week or does he have some important business things to pretend to be at? The world wants to know!
- Congratulations to the entire league for being in B’s Brother’s presence last weekend. We can only hope to see him expertly scouting the women in the league for his future gender team once again this Saturday.
- Apparently there were a lot of cans, bottles, and trash scattered throughout the fields last weekend. If you can help it, pick up after yourself. Animals.
- I’ve just been informed that APPARENTLY if you have any issues with the Power Rankings committee, you’re now supposed to email me about it and I get to email Topper to send them your gripes? This should go well. If you have any issues with that, or if you want to get the correct publicity for your players, OR you have information on the games you played in, take a few minutes and email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.! Sadly, my old email (and my years of correspondence with all of you) will be going away soon.
That's all for this week. Week 2 is upon you, and it looks like you’re going to get wet again. Have fun with that.
-GF OUT
WEEK 3 THOUGHTS, PICKS AND STUFF
- Details
- Category: The Godfather's Picks
- Created: Friday, 05 May 2023 13:34
- Published: Friday, 05 May 2023 13:34
- Written by Jeff Krol
- Hits: 1009
Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, we’re already at Week 3 of the Spring 2023 session. As the calendar turns to the month of May in the Year of Our Lord 2023, it seems that the excellent football conditions are finally going to make an appearance at the fields. My super cool weather app tells me that you’ll be looking at a sunny, 67 degree day (it’ll be 81 degrees here in Des Moines, Iowa, but I’m not gloating) at the fields, which is a far cry from the windy/sort of rainy season we’ve had so far. And it arrives just in time for us as,
historically, in my years of writing this article for the league, Week 3 is the time where things really ramp up and we truly start to see who teams are this year. The rust from winter should all be gone as most teams have played a couple of games already. Add in one of the great weekends at the bar with Cinco de Mayo (someone explain to Scott Klussman that this means “May 5th”) and the Kentucky Derby and this has all of the makings of a fantastic Football Saturday.
But what about what we’ve seen so far? Who has surprised? Who has already disappointed? Who is completely confusing? Let’s take a look at that so far.
GOOD NOT BAD:
-Legends with Travis throwing
-Sticky Bandits taking a 2-0 record and looking like D1 favorites
-No Punt Intended with Travis throwing
-Bullet Club jumping out to a 3-0 start
-Wanderers fitting right in
-D3 overall looking pretty great
-Stegmeier still being incredibly handsome despite reports he’s actually 72 years old
-Buffalo Vice getting off to a 2-0 start
-Puckett All-Stars just casually tossing up 62 points
-Travis Henry’s Kids if they ever find a quarterback
-The BAADies Ladies
-Not So Sticky doing significantly better than the last time they were in D5
-Southside killing D6 in Week 1
-Blitzkrieg killing D6 in Week 2
-Any Breakfast Club team that scores 38 points
BAD NOT GOOD:
-Legends with Joey Batts throwing
-Sean throwing in Breakfast Club (these two are related)
-Bobby allowing his team to not show up, makes them run more laps at both practices this week
-The TSL QB Power Rankings Committee for ranking Jordan too low
-B’s Brother not coming up with a brand new TSL’s “Hottest Ladies” list despite promising it
-Scared Hitless already trying to drop to D2 midseason (allegedly)
-Tight Ends In Motion. That's it. That’s the tweet.
-The Freeballers, unsurprisingly.
-Scotty Dro bailing on Degeneration Sexxy for them to get to 0-2
-The BAADies Quarterback
-Gender teams overall (0-4 so far, mostly Garrett’s fault)
-The lower half of D6
KIND OF NOT SURE YET:
-Losing Streak. Looks good, but have only played bums so far.
-Mike Thomas as the #1 QB overall?
-Practice Squad figuring it out for playoffs again?
-Let's Get Reccked a D3 contender?
-Should Vaspian have jumped up to D3?
-Literally everything about D5
-Is D6 just going to be Blitzkrieg vs Southside?
-Will any of the “New Teams” emerge?
-Is Jeff Krol ruining the TSL already?
As you can see, there are a lot of things still undetermined so early in this season, but we’re really starting to get a sense of where things are headed, which can only mean one thing: By June, all of this will be completely different, as it always is.
Before we get into the games, I wanted to put this out there for people as well. As most of you know, Breakfast Club is our fun little draft league that plays at 9am every week. We have female captains that draft the teams and it's a TON of fun. These captains make lots of bets on the games every week to add to the fun. This week, when BDSM takes on The Ash Slinging Slashers, the losing captain is going to donate $50 to the Center for Handicapped Children (www.chclearningcenter.org) and already people on their teams and in the league are joining in the donation. If you’d like to be a part of the TSL donation here and chip in, you can find Ashley or Becca and tell them you want to be a part of it. If you have absolutely zero idea who those two ladies are, you can find Jeff Krol, Travis, Joe K, or really anyone you think might be “important” to the league and they’ll make sure whatever your donation is gets to the right place. This isn’t mandatory or expected, but the league asked me to let everyone know in case others wanted to help out as well. Shout out to Ashley and Becca for turning a fun BC bet into something good for others.
Onto the games…
D1:
Last Week’s Games:
Sticky Bandits 29, Legends 22
Frodo Swaggins 37, Eyes Downtown 29
Losing Streak 48, Scared Hitless 12
D1 was plenty interesting last weekend. Sticky Bandits assert their dominance over the Legends, and get a big win that will definitely play a role in playoff seeding. Eyes Downtown was a bit short handed apparently, which led to a quite surprising Frodo victory. Meanwhile, Losing Streak does Scared Hitless no favors, and quadruples their score on the way to an easy victory.
This Week’s Games:
Sticky Bandits vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+10) - Sticky is on a roll. They won indoor. They beat the Legends. They haven’t seemed to miss a beat despite losing two top females. Mike Thomas is ranked #1 overall in the QB rankings. What can’t they do? Well, I’ll tell you. They can’t lose to Grey Hair Don’t Care. GHDC had an awesome Week 1, and they’ll make this a game, but Sticky is too hot right now. STICKY BANDITS BY 8
Frodo Swaggins vs Tight Ends In Motion (EVEN) - A true TSL “Pick ‘em” game, as both teams are still finding themselves this season. TEIM looked discombobulated the last time we saw them on the field, and I don’t think a week off helped that. Frodo shook off a rough Week 1 to get a marquee win over Eyes Downtown (regardless of who ED had there), and they’re looking kinda nice. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 2
Eyes Downtown vs Losing Streak (+3) - I’m assuming that Eyes Downtown will have everyone in attendance this week, and they should be ready to play their best after last weekend’s “hiccup”. Okay Jordan, here it is. You want that respect? You want to move up the QB rankings? Win this one. It’ll go a long way for you. After that, all you have left to do is beat Sticky and Legends. Should be easy, right? No, it won’t be, but I’m still a believer anyway. LOSING STREAK BY 7
Legends vs Scared Hitless (+17) - The Legends should be good and mad about last week’s loss to Sticky, and they’re going to take it out on poor Scared Hitless. I’m not trying to be too hard on SH, because they’ve proven that the regular season doesn’t matter once you get to the playoffs. I was just really hoping to not have to see them struggle through another season before turning it up. This game against a bitter Legends won’t help them. LEGENDS BY 20 IF TRAVIS THROWS, BY 3 IF JOEY PLAYS
D2:
Last Week’s Games:
Untouchaballs 28, Practice Squad 23
No Punt Intended 38, Freeballers 20
Mavericks 40, Freeballers 25
Not much to write home about. Despite me thinking all D2 teams were going to compete, It’s looking more and more like a No Punt Intended - Untouchaballs - Mavericks kind of division. Practice Squad is close, and we’ve learned that they “figure things out”, so don’t be surprised if they’re there by season’s end. Freeballers are already 1-3, and it looks like another typical “Freeballers have talent but never put it together and they disappoint” type season from them.
This Week’s Games:
Mavericks vs Practice Squad (+7) - Practice Squad is 0-2, but they’re keeping games close. That tends to mean a team is a play or two away from turning things around. The Mavericks have looked quite comfortable in D2 so far, and they’re keeping pace with NPI in the Points For department. It’s very reasonable they win this whole thing. Big Mike already has 4 touchdowns (Thanks Jordan!) and let’s give a shout out to Kira, who’s speed rushing had kept QB’s in check. MAVERICKS BY 3
Mavericks vs Freeballers (+7) - On the plus side, the Freeballers get a Mavericks team that’s coming off a game, so they’ll be fresher. I want to believe that the Freeballers will use my words as inspiration and show up here, but I’ve come to realize that they never do. MAVERICKS BY 16
D3:
Last Week’s Games:
Bullet Club 37, Vaspian 12
Jabronies 43, Can’t Touch This 28
Wanderers 39, Let’s Get Reccked 38
Itches and Ohs 38, Degeneration Sexxy 21
Bullet Club continues to roll in D3, easily dispatching of Vaspian in their debut. The Jabronies rebounded from a Week 1 loss to LGR with a nice win over Can't Touch This who continue to be OH SO CLOSE to breaking out I feel. I said before the season the Wanderers were must see TV, and it was supposed to be because they’re a flowing offense that knows each other. It wasn’t supposed to be because every single game they play is incredibly close and coming down to the wire. Big win yet again for the Tie Dye Terrors. Itches and Ohs show up and defeat DX, quieting the preseason rumors that they’d be lost without Laura.
This Week’s Games:
Wanderers vs Vaspian (+10) - Lose by 4, Win by 3, Win by 1. That’s a hell of a start for the Wanderers who get to take on a Vaspian team that just had a pretty rough start. Vaspian is including new pieces on offense, and once they get more reps, they should be fine. But today is not that day. Fire up Dion on the jukebox. WANDERERS BY 14
Let's Get Reccked vs Can’t Touch This (+7) - LGR moved up to D3 because of Baker and Alex joining the team. Those two players alone have arguably 12,503 combined games played in their careers, and they’ve seen it all. It’s because of that experience that they know how to shift defenses to shut down and offense, and vice versa. They’re just simply hard to play against, and Can’t Touch This might just be too “new” (even after what? 5 seasons now?) to overcome that. LETS GET RECCKED BY 12
Bullet Club vs Itches and Ohs (+8) - After their win last week, perhaps it's time for us to stop talking about who Itches and Ohs don’t have, and remember who they DO have. Steve Moser is still one of the best football minds in the game. He takes his time and can slow down an opposing offense with his own offense. Bullet Club has been good, but a mistake or two could lead them to an upset. ITCHES AND OHS BY 2
Jabronies vs Degeneration Sexxy (+3) - Here are two teams that are still trying to figure things out overall, but last week everything clicked for the Jabronies while DS had a rough go of it. These two teams match up pretty well, but in the end I think the matchup advantage of the DS ladies will be the difference. DEGENERATION SEXXY BY 7
D4:
Last Week’s Games:
Travis Henry’s Kids 32, Passing While Intoxicated 26
Passing While Intoxicated 41, BAADies 36
Buffalo Vice 48, Cunning Stunts 26
Puckett All-Stars 62, BAADies 24
Cobblestone 36, Creekers 8
THK nearly blows a lead to PWI but holds on for the victory as they sit atop the standings in D4 despite playing John Langley at QB still. PWI responded to the loss with a big win of their own over the BAADies, who would proceed to get trounced by Puckett later on in the day. Don’t worry ladies, everyone knows it's your QB. Speaking of bad QBs, Joey Batts looked awful (according to eyewitness reports) in a Stunts loss to Buffalo Vice who are on a nice little roll to start the season. Finally, Darryl and friends gave a rude welcome to the league to the Creekers with a masterful quarterbacking game to give Cobblestone the win.
This Week’s Games:
Buffalo Vice vs Passing While Intoxicated (EVEN) - This is going to be a pretty great game, and it's one to make sure you watch if you’re at the fields. PWI has looked right at home in D4, and they’re getting another test with Buffalo Vice. Vice has looked dominant at times this year, but they also only beat the gender teams who are not at their best just yet. A good test for both teams, but give me the defense of Vice to slow PWI down. BUFFALO VICE BY 8
BAADies vs Creekers (+10) - Despite all of the mocking of Garrett, at the end of the day he knows how to win games and his girls are superstars. Losing to Vice, PWI, and Puckett isn’t actually unheard of. The Creekers are brand spankin’ new to the league, and going up against a gender team full of stars isn’t a recipe for new team success. The Angels dust off the losses and pick up a big win here to get on the right track. BAADIES BY 22
Puckett All-Stars vs Travis Henry’s Kids (+3) - A potential D4 championship preview in Week 3? Nice. Puckett walked onto the fields last weekend shouting “ALLOW ME TO REINTRODUCE MYSELF” before dropping 62 on the BAADies. They’re locked in and ready to run through D4 for this title. Not so fast. THK has figured some things out too, and with Pistol Pete on their side they can beat anyone. This should be a good game, but in the end, I foresee THK’s Achilles heel (their ladies) not being able to keep up and Puckett pulling away late. PUCKETT ALL STARS BY 9
Cunning Stunts vs Cobblestone (+7) - An absolute whopper of a QB matchup with Darryl Carr QB Superstar taking on Joey Batts. Darryl’s team looks better than it has in recent years, and at some point the talent he surrounds himself with is going to have to step up and make themselves known in the league. However, all jokes aside, Joey has been the best QB in the TSL under 5’3 of all time. He’s getting older now, so last week, I assume, he had to shake off his own rust. The Stunts are never happy when they lose, so look for them to really get it together this week. CUNNING STUNTS BY 18
D5:
Last Week’s Games:
Long Balls 35, Goatsack! 28
Tater Tots 32, Come From Behind 24
Not So Sticky 15, ILF 14
D5 gave us some close contests across the board in some really even matchups. The Long Balls just snuck by Goatsack, in a battle of two new (to us) TSL teams. The Tater Tots figured out whatever was wrong the week before and took it to Come From Behind, re-announcing to the division that they’re here to take the crown and last week was an aberration. Not So Sticky used former ILF player Carly (who was deemed not good enough for his team by Andrew Kicak) to score the game winning point over the Falcons.
This Week’s Games:
GUCCI vs Goatsack! (EVEN) - I don’t know for sure, but I’m assuming this isn’t the first time these two teams have met, given their long histories elsewhere. If it’s the first time ever, someone let me know. Two co-ed football flagship franchises face off at the Rose Garden for the first time ever, and it’ll be great to watch. So if you’re at the fields at 11:00, pull up a chair and hang out. You’re witnessing history. I predict both teams put on a show. GUCCI BY 1
Tater Tots vs TMA (+3) - Two long time rivals clash yet again as the Tots and TMA battle it out on the field this week. Granted, this rivalry has lost some of its luster this time around (see: no Prim to make people mad) as the Tots have new players, and TMA has lost half of theirs this season. Either way, we’re going to see some good football and that’s what matters here. TATER TOTS BY 3
Not So Sticky vs Goatsack! (+3) - Not So Sticky might be 2-0, but they’re not doing it by wowing people on offense, as they’ve only scored 18 and 15 points in their victories. Throwing out the pouring rain game, Goatsack looks pretty efficient on offense so far, but their defense leaves a bit to be desired. If Goatsack can shore up that defense, they can take this game, but I have to see it first before I bet on them. NOT SO STICKY BY 2
Come From Behind vs Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (+10) - CFB is coming off a close loss last week against the Tots, but at the end of the day their offense (and defense!) is still top notch in D5, while ILF is lacking in the offense department. Unless ILF can force 2+ turnovers, CFB should walk away with this one. COME FROM BEHIND BY 13
GUCCI vs Long Balls (EVEN) - The Long Balls were impressive in their win last week over Goatsack, as they’re starting to “figure things out” in the TSL. Their reward is going up against another long time Social Co-Ed Football Franchise in GUCCI, and their All-World/All-Awesome QB Kelly Kane. GUCCI will provide the Long Balls with a different dynamic than they’ve seen so far and it’ll depend on how well they adjust in game if they’re going to win. My guess? They won’t. GUCCI BY 9
D6:
Last Week’s Games:
Sausage McMuffins 38, Back That Pass Up 34
Blitzkrieg 41, Pit Harade 8
Blitzkrieg 43, Mighty Drunks 19
Balls Deep 35, Pit Harade 23
Last week’s D6 action was telling, as Blitzkrieg made their season debut and proceeded to wipe the floor with some of the new teams in the TSL, averaging 42 points scored, as they have stability at QB with long time stud Alex back for the Spring. Sausage McMuffins moved to 2-0 with a solid victory over the Jeff May-led BTPU. Balls Deep went up against Pit Harade and after some early back and forth, they pulled away as Payton Spinelli grabbed the victory over his former QB in Nick Hawes.
This Week’s Games:
Grass Eaters vs Sausage McMuffins (+3) - A battle of some early undefeated teams here, as the McMuffins take on what is essentially “Steve and Rylee”. That's a pretty good combo to have in D6 however, and I’ll give GE the nod based on that alone. GRASS EATERS BY 2
Blitzkrieg vs Southside (EVEN) - Well, we’re getting this juicy matchup early. Southside got to 2-0 by beating up teams in Week 1, and Blitzkrieg got to 2-0 by beating up teams in Week 2. Its an early season matchup that will probably decide the #1 seed later on. This game matters. If Southside wants to win, they’ll need to slow down Light Red Hoodie Guy who had a whopping 7 TDs last week WITHOUT THE HOODIE. He is NOT to be confused with “Light Red Hoodie Decoy Guy” who wore the magical hoodie for reasons I still am working on figuring out. More on this deception as it becomes available. BLITZKRIEG BY 3
Mighty Drunks vs Pit Harade (EVEN) - Both teams are 0-2. Both teams have similar points for (34 for MD, 31 for PH) and similar points against (81 for MD, 76 for PH). Both teams are pretty new with some veterans sprinkled on the rosters. Both teams have had a couple of bright spots. Both teams have looked completely brand new to sports at times. This is about as even a game as you’re going to get in D6. I’m contractually obligated to pick one, so give me the one with the QB who routinely throws up 40+ points in Nick Hawes. PIT HARADE BY 3 BUT THEY’LL PROBABLY TIE.
Balls Deep vs Two Tuddies (EVEN) - The Tud Buds are back after a week off, and they’ll be getting a Balls Deep team that looked pretty good last week. The Tuddies held their own against Southside in Week 1, and if they keep playing how they have been since the second half of last season, they should be able to beat a team that is still gelling a little bit. TWO TUDDIES BY 7
FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:
- With the weather finally not a factor (hopefully), who should look better than they have? Truthfully, Scared Hitless isn’t as bad as they’ve looked. Roster changes in D1 are harder to just “deal with” as fast, and when you add in terrible weather, you get exactly what you’ve been seeing. Don’t underestimate them.
- Who’s going to make a statement this week? It’s gotta be Losing Streak and Jordan right? It feels like a movie: he goes to D1 a few seasons ago, it goes poorly, he goes on sabbatical and recollects himself, and makes his glorious return looking better than ever. I’m just not sure if this is the “triumph” or the “hiccup along the way”. Also, look out for the gender teams to really get things going this week.
- Who’s been the biggest surprise so far this year? These hot starts typically end poorly for teams, but I think we’ll go with Buffalo Vice. They’ve just handled business very well for themselves and already got over the issues they sometimes have had with gender teams. I don’t think they’re going anywhere in D4.
- So then, way too early but at least you’ve seen some games now championship predictions? Of course. Sticky Bandits, The Untouchaballs, Let's Get Reccked, Travis Henry’s Kids, Tater Tots, Blitzkrieg. All of these will be wrong.
- Team with the bad start that should turn it around for sure? The BAADies are currently ranked 52nd out of 52 teams. They have a collection of some of the best girls in the league. They have the core of some amazing Matty’s Angels teams that used to routinely dunk on people. They’ve scored 31 points a game on average. Once they get their groove back on defense, look out.
TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:
- You’re going to get sunburned. Prepare accordingly.
- Breakfast Club predictions:
- Steph Infection 38, The VaJennas 33
- Komosexuals 38, Liddle Dubs 30
- The Ash Slinging Slashers 38, BDSM 20
- Here are your Games of the Day:
- 10:00 - Buffalo Vice vs Passing While Intoxicated
- 11:00 - Tater Tots vs TMA
- 12:00 - Blitzkrieg vs Southside
- 1:00 - Eyes Downtown vs Losing Streak
- 2:00 - Balls Deep vs Two Tuddies
- 3:00 - Puckett All-Stars vs Travis Henry’s Kids
- Fun heads up: ROSTERS ARE OFFICIALLY LOCKED. You can’t add new people, so don’t ask.
- If you’re trying to get your 4 games in for reffing so you can play on two teams in the fall, don’t wait. Expecting to get 4 games the last week of the season is going to go terribly for you.
- Captains, get better at informing your players of league happenings. Topper/Krol have always just emailed you with the expectation that you’ll inform your players of things like “if you want to play on two teams, you can ref 4 games”, “we’ll be having a dunk tank this week”, “there’s a website that has weekly articles and a league podcast for you to check out”, etc. We’re finding more and more people aren’t getting informed of league happenings. We can’t email all 600 players, so it's up to you to help.
- Shoutout to the Angry Buffalo bar staff for being incredibly accommodating (so I’ve heard) to the league so far this season. It’s great hearing that brand new teams are hanging out for a while. At the end of the day, that's what this is all about anyway.
- I have yet to hear one real complaint about people being jerks or anything this season so far. Obviously this has to do with Topper not being around causing trouble.
- Three teams that really need a win this week: Freeballers, Goatsack!, and BAADies.
- Remember, if you want your team to get its due, you can email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Let me know who’s rocking out on your team. And apparently you’re supposed to send me QB Power Rankings stuff too now, which is new.
The Race For Social Co-Ed Football Immortality has entered May! We’re in full swing, and I’m excited to see how this week shakes out.
What’s YOUR Ranking?
-GF OUT
WEEK 1 THOUGHTS, PICKS AND STUFF
- Details
- Category: The Godfather's Picks
- Created: Friday, 21 April 2023 16:28
- Published: Friday, 21 April 2023 16:28
- Written by Jeff Krol
- Hits: 1494
Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, your wait is over. On Saturday, April 22nd in the Year of Our Lord 2023, after six long months, the reigning, defending, undisputed, best Social Co-Ed Football Experience of all time, the TSL, will return! Starting tomorrow, 52 teams across 7 competitive divisions will descend upon the Lenny Alba Fields behind The Angry Buffalo @ The Rose Garden as the Race For Social Co-Ed Football Immortality begins anew.
For those of you that don’t know me, I’m The Godfather. For nearly 12 years I’ve provided the TSL with expert insights, nearly flawless game predictions, and perhaps spilled the tea about the behind the scenes stuff going on in the league. I used to play in the league many moons ago, but unfortunately life has taken me in a different direction: Des Moines, Iowa. I live in my log cabin with my family here, and in an effort to stay a part of the league, I’ve been writing this article. (Okay, and maybe I have a journalism degree I’m not using, so this sort of justifies it to me as well.) It used to be a lot easier to do this, as Lenny, Rameer, Topper, and a host of other super secret league informants used to send me TONS of information that made writing this article a breeze.
Now, due to the tragic losses the TSL has been through the last few years, most of the information I get comes from you, the players of the league. It’s really simple. If you have someone on your team that’s just balling out, and deserves recognition? You email me and tell me about them. If there’s a secret B’s Brother love triangle forming between him and two other ladies of the league? You give me that info immediately. If you want to call out Bobby McConnell for being a weirdo before your big game against him? This is the place (Hey Jonny Football!). The point is, I love chatting with league members, whether they’re the captain of a juggernaut D1 squad, or the D6 guy who’s new to the league that got Mossed by one of our amazing females that we have here. Give me all the information, and you’ll get the publicity you seek.
So about a week ago it was time to start warming up for this article. It’s always a highly sought after publication after all, I go to sign into my email and see who messaged me over the offseason (There’s usually a few of you that pop in to say hello). And the craziest thing happened. I couldn’t sign in to my mailbox. Figuring Topper had to reset my password over the winter or something, I reached out to him only to find that my old email has been shut down. For super important Topper legal reasons, apparently, we’re having to move websites and stuff. And that means I have to move my email address. I don’t like change, but here we are. So from here on out, if you’re going to email me, I’ll need you to reach out to me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
I know, I don’t like it either, but as always, go yell at Topper. And if Topper isn’t there, go yell at Travis Cleavenger-Bernal, because most of the league already loves yelling at him anyway. Change is scary, but it’s not all bad. I’ve spent the last week talking to Topper and Jeff Krol a lot about everything and there’s still some cool things happening. Topper isn’t gone forever (as evidenced by the photos he was sending me of him at the recent Breakfast Club draft), so calm down. And yeah, Jeff is taking the lead on all things that Topper doesn’t want to do anymore like emailing captains, setting up the waiver system, etc, etc. I guess there’s a new website on the way, and maybe even a new logo and other fun surprises. If anything, things will be significantly more efficient around the TSL, and Topper will be free to start up his own winery, but in reality he’ll just get another dog or two and still have pool parties for league members.
What else do we need to touch on? Ah yes, B’s Brother should be back in full force. I believe Cookie and Elmo both signed long term contract extensions as well. The Breakfast Club is back and the teams look about as even as they ever have! The league has seen some interesting roster shuffling, we actually have a full D1, and some WNY Social Co-Ed Football Legends have finally joined the TSL. The podcast will be back, so if you want to be on the show, let someone know! The TSL QB Power Rankings Committee will be back. There is talk that The Sentinel may not have renewed their contract this season, so if you’re in the mood to write a weekly article (or even just one) that we toss up on the website with your own thoughts on everything, let Jeff, Travis, Joe K, Garrett, Elmo, B’s Brother, 40 Year Plan Guy, Topper, Langley, or whoever else seems moderately important to you know, and we can make it happen. This league runs on its players, so your help will always be welcomed.
That is a lot of nonsense. And we haven’t even gotten into what you’re really all here for: the football and my expert analysis. So, let’s get to it.
D1:
Championship Odds:
Legends (4-1)
Eyes Downtown (4-1)
Sticky Bandits (6-1)
Tight Ends In Motion (10-1)
Losing Streak (12-1)
Scared Hitless (20-1)
Frodo Swaggins (25-1)
Grey Hair Don’t Care (100-1)
Preseason Hype: Yes, you’re seeing this correctly. The toughest division in Social Co-Ed Football is back to heights we haven’t seen in years! After a few “weak” years with only 6 teams, D1 is back up to 8 teams, and for the most part we realistically have 5-6 teams that can definitely win this thing. We’ll start at the top with the Legends. Travis Cleavenger-Bernal has been Rameer Reincarnated with his ability to steal other teams’ best players the last few seasons as the Legends ran over a historically weak D1. But now, like any team in a championship window, he’s losing players as Chris Nelson has left, Boccio claims to be “not playing” (which is code for “Diana doesn’t want me to get hurt before the wedding”, which is ironic considering her current state), and I think I was just told that Heather is moving away from the area. Tough losses, so of course Travis went out and signed Melanie Linsmair and Shbend to cover the losses. The Legends aren’t as good as they’ve been in the past, and the competition around them is better. The point? D1 is wide open. Sensing the blood in the water, Bobby has more than likely spent all winter forcing his team to practice so they can be at their best once the season kicks off. Yes, he’s insane, but at the same time he knows what he’s doing. As long as he gets his teammates to drink the Kool-Aid, ED will always be dangerous. Bobby is blessed with talented females around him like Kayla Voss, Mackenzie Neary, and Emily Belfield. And then his males are as good as anyones with Delecki, Ben Stack, and Nick Angelo, just to name a few. Blase LaDuca is there for some reason too, I’ll assume he offered to pay the entire team fee or something. The Sticky Bandits won the winter league this offseason, and they’re looking to ride that momentum into a D1 championship. While they boast the same talented and fast males they always have (Dean, Brian, Adrian, Kevin Zack…how do you cover all that speed? You don’t.), the big news out of Sticky Nation is that they’re down Christine Krol and Laura Streeter this season as both are on the IR with “Pregnancy”. Nothing kills a D1 title run faster than conception, that’s for sure. But fear not, Sticky was just fine in indoor leaning on the perennially underrated and underestimated Nicole Sharick shouldering the load. They still have Missy Keem as well, and they added Brandy Clarke and a “starting the season on the IR but might be back?” Misty Himes as well. That’s how you supplement your roster, folks. Tight Ends In Motion is back for more fun, but they’re not your father’s TEIM. Word is that Bro Kleckler is no longer throwing, which is a shame, but there’s no way they make that call without a better replacement plan in place, right? RIGHT? TEIM still boasts super tall Derek and a couple of Daves, not to mention arguably the best females top to bottom on the roster. Katie, Cheryl, Lindsey, Margo, and Emma are just all studs, and whoever shows up should give TEIM an advantage. Losing Streak returns after a sabbatical back home. Apparently, winning by 86 every week loses its luster, and Jordan has returned to capture a D1 title. And he’s got some friends with him. You know the usual names: Ralph, Keyon, Chris Nelson. But Jordan got what eluded him last time: a stable of talented females. He got all world female Robin Makula out of “sort of” retirement, he plucked Crystal Carlson from her team, and he has Britney Matthews as well. That was what he was missing last time, and Losing Streak has a real chance to take the D1 crown. Scared Hitless stays in D1 after some arguably mixed results last season. Good for them. Even though they lost Mel to Legends, SH still trots out some excellent females (Jaimie Warren? Cat? Molly? Carly? Pfft, they’ll be just fine) and as long as Rawdog doesn’t screw anything up for them, the males are very, very good as well. As always, it comes down to QB play. Dylan Day proceeds to be the deciding factor in most games for Scared Hitless, and when he’s on, SH can beat anyone. But when he’s off, and people miss games, they look out of place. This team has arguably the biggest gap between their floor and ceiling of any D1 teams. They’re the true wild card of the division. Frodo Swaggins comes strutting into D1 after a relatively easy D2 title win last Fall. Garrett has been pretty damn good as he transitions from washed up WR to “extending my playing career” QB. This team is tall, with CJ and Blake Fisher, and they got Josh Schnieder to turn in his Sticky jersey to stay with Frodo. John Costa has been in the gym, so you know he’s ready. Garrett has pretty much overturned his females this season, going out and getting Katie Swanson from Spinelli’s (who have broken up for this season), and names I’ve never heard before like Sarah Coatsworth and Tori Leighbody. There’s zero way Garrett gets them to play if they can’t ball out though, right? There’s a lot of question marks here, and it FEELS like this might be a learning season, and we’ll see some real good football in the fall. Finally, Grey Hair Don’t Care might be a little out of their league this time around. Yes, Amber Hay is an All-Star. Yes, Nick Voss can change a game. Yes, George Lombardo is underrated. But there are a lot of names here that I don’t know, and whispers have started that Dave Eickhoff is starting to lose it a little. So unless Dylan is there to throw, which I doubt he is, This team is a step behind for sure. If Dave starts off rough, look for a QB Controversy to develop.
Preseason Prediction: D1 is fun again. That’s the prediction. I don’t think we’ll see a tremendous gap between the top 2 teams and everyone else or something. When the smoke clears however, I think you’ll be seeing Losing Streak taking the title from the Legends in the final. They’ve patched up their biggest holes, they’ve learned a bit more, and as long as Jordan keeps his composure, they can do this.
This Week’s Games:
Sticky Bandits vs Scared Hitless (+7) - Sticky is coming off a very good indoor session, and they’re the more complete team right now. A perfect team to start the season against when you’re working in new players. I’m sure that had nothing to do with Krol making the schedule. Nope. Scared Hitless will take this to really shake off the rust from the winter, but they’ll keep it close. STICKY BANDITS BY 4
Losing Streak vs Tight Ends In Motion (EVEN) - Pretty big matchup out of the gate, but that’s what we’re going to see weekly in D1. Overall, i think TEIM is a little better (ignore the prediction), but working in a new QB against a team that has played together for forever isn’t the best start. LOSING STREAK BY 9
Legends vs Frodo Swaggins (+14) - It’s a hell of a welcome to D1 for Frodo to take on the Legends out of the gate, but I can also imagine Garrett not wanting it any other way. If you really want to see what your team needs to work on this season, going up against the Gold Standard right away is a quick way to find your holes. And if Garrett does anything, it’s find holes. LEGENDS BY 10
Eyes Downtown vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+17) - Both of these teams will wear grey, i just know it. Bobby, wear the red ones. ED was apparently a well oiled machine in the indoor league, and I was told GHDC struggled a bit. I hope to be wrong, but GHDC doesn’t feel like they’re on the same level here. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 22
Frodo Swaggins vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+6) - Double header to start the season for both teams, that’s always fun. Neither team will be rested at all when you consider they’ll both get a top contender in the division the hour before. This game won’t be a complete test for either side. It’ll come down to the wire in this one. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 3
D2:
Championship Odds:
No Punt Intended (4-1)
Mavericks (5-1)
Untouchaballs (7-1)
Practice Squad (8-1)
Freeballers (20-1)
Preseason Hype: D2 is just, weird. We only got 5 teams into this division, largely as a result of it no longer being “D1 lite” as the D1 worthy teams moved up, and then we had some sad departures from the league this time around (RIP Dilfs). After the smoke has cleared, however, we get No Punt Intended looking like the front runners here. NPI was pretty damn good the last time we saw them, and adding TCB and getting the return of Casey Lawler means good luck to the other squads that try to keep up with her and Amber. That’s a LOT of speed. The Mavericks come in as a new team that allegedly has some pretty good talent on it. There are definitely some names on this roster (Manny Batcho, Ant Cordova) that I’ve heard before, so Jordan’s D2 team looks to have some firepower as well. I’m positive Jordan will email me more about the others on his roster so I have more to say later on. So it’ll be fine. The Untouchaballs are here, and they have Jeremy Burr throwing the ball to what seems to be the same team they’ve had. That isn’t meant to be a slight, the UTs have been very good for quite some time and they’ll 100% be in the mix for a title. Tell me if you’ve heard this before: Practice Squad won their division last season, and moved up. PS has made the long climb from D6, but they’re checking all of the boxes along the way. They won D3 last season from the 8 seed, furthering the proof that once B figures out the faster defenses, they can beat anyone. The team is largely the same (B, Kelly, Renee, and about 52 dudes named Kyle), only losing Jamie McCabe to Untouchaballs. PS has a very, very good chance to win yet another title, and at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised to see them in D1 in the fall. And finally, the Freeballers. They got a bit better this offseason, adding Adrian Cannon and a returning Brittany Clarke to the team, which can only help. They’re talented, for sure, but they still feel like they’re a bit behind the other teams. On the plus side, I didn’t put them at 100-1 this time.
Preseason Prediction: At the end of the day, B’s Brother once again inspires Practice Squad to yet another championship, as they upset No Punt Intended in the finals.
This Week’s Games:
No Punt Intended vs Untouchaballs (+3) - NPI looks to finish what they started last season as they loaded up for a title run. But the Untouchaballs have the better QB and arguably the best female on the field in Melanie. This is the potential Game of the Day right here. NO PUNT INTENDED BY 1, BURR FURIOUS ABOUT A REF CALL THAT “COST HIM THE WIN”.
No Punt Intended vs Mavericks (EVEN) - A team coming off a game against a brand new team looking to make a statement in their first game in the TSL. Always a good mix. I’ll take the team looking to make noise this time around. MAVERICKS BY 5
Untouchaballs vs Freeballers (+7) - With the Untouchaballs fired up about losing the first game by a point, they proceed to take it out on the Freeballers who just always feel disjointed and like they’re figuring it out until about midseason when they win two games they shouldn’t have and get people (it’s me, I’m people) thinking they can win it all. UNTOUCHABALLS BY 10
Practice Squad vs Freeballers (+3) - This should be a pretty good matchup for sure. Despite me selecting PS for the eventual D2 championship, they’ve started slow in recent seasons (of course me saying that will only fire them up and I’ll prove myself wrong now) as they adjust to another new division. FREEBALLERS BY 3
D3:
Championship Odds:
Wanderers (3-1)
Bullet Club (5-1)
Jabronies (8-1)
Degeneration Sexy (11-1)
Can’t Touch This (15-1)
Itches and Ohs (22-1)
Let’s Get Reccked (30-1)
Vaspian (35-1)
Preseason Hype: It happened. After 27 years, and 3,258 championships in other leagues, the Wanderers have FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY accepted my long standing weekly invitation to join the TSL to see where they stand here. This team has been a well oiled machine for decades, and while they’re a bit older, and changed a few parts (I’m sure) they’re still a force to be reckoned with. They’ll have to take a second or two to adjust to the TSL game (not having 4 minutes to throw, for example) but once they do, look out. D3 might be a little too low for them, but it’s smart for them to figure out the game first and then move up. I can’t wait. Bullet Club comes back pretty much completely intact from last season’s 7-2 team. They’re just solid to great all around, and they still have the division’s best player in Pistol Pete. Losing Crystal will sting, but hopefully the new girls on the roster can be a bright spot and help overcome that loss. The Jabronies have always been a good team when they play. Despite Eric Klecker’s hatred of potted plants, he loves playing good football. This team has a few names I’ve seen before like Mike McKenrick and the underrated Lindsey West, and with Joe Miano throwing, they’ll be a tough out each week. Degeneration Sexy is this year’s version of “The Kellers”. They picked up a couple of the defunct Dilfs (still sad) like Kellie Mazur and Valerie Bernal, so they’ve only gotten better. Assuming they make the correct choice and have Scott Sr. throwing over Scotty Dro, they can easily contend for the title. Can't Touch This seems to be the same team, but that’s a good thing. They’re still relatively new to the league and continuity can only help them. Ryan throws the ball about as far as anyone in the league, and their skill guys and the ladies keep improving. They’re a chic pick for “Most Improved” team this year. Itches and Ohs will always keep you honest, but this is looking like a down year for Steve Moser and company. Yes, Rylee and Lauren are very good players, but losing Laura is like the Vikings losing Justin Jefferson. All of their guys are “fine” to “good” but nobody really stands out. Feels like a season where Steve yells a lot. Let’s Get Reccked is in D3 for some reason. Like, why? This team was 2-7 in D5 last season. I understand that they get Dave Baker this season, and he’s really good at age 57. And yes, Alex Buchlis is going to throw for them, which helps a lot. But I feel like D4 might’ve been the move to really figure stuff out. Maybe they’ll surprise but I’m not sure they have the overall talent to win this thing. And then Vaspian is in D3 as well. This team has always been up and down in D4, never really winning it despite some nice regular seasons. I’m assuming this is because of the readdition of Drew Colosimo, but there’s still going to be some growing pains moving up a division.
Preseason Prediction: The Wanderers walk out of D3 with yet another championship to hang on their mantle, defeating Bullet Club in what should be a fantastic game.
This Week’s Games:
Bullet Club vs Can’t Touch This (+7) - These teams played each other pretty close last season, so what an excellent opening game for D3. This game will feature some pretty looking deep shots from Easton and Dougherty, and it may just come down to who blinks first. BULLET CLUB BY 8
Bullet Club vs Wanderers (EVEN) - Well, this is an even better way to start the season. The Wanderers’ first TSL matchup will be against Joe K and one of the TSL’s longest standing “franchises” in BC. Another “Game of the Day” candidate, it’ll be interesting to see how well these two teams fare against each other. The Wanderers make a late game play to seal the victory. WANDERERS BY 3
Wanderers vs Degeneration Sexy (+3) - Things don’t get easier for the Wanderers as they take on the Kellers. A Katie Keller - Mackenzie Klun battle might be very fun to watch, but if the Wanderers can get a turnover early, they may just walk away with another victory. WANDERERS BY 7
Jabronies vs Lets Get Reccked (+10) - I feel like all these guys know each other and are all related somehow. Anyway, its 3pm so Let’s Get Reccked may already be “Reccked” at this point. Assuming they aren’t, I just don’t think they have the horses to really run with Jabronies. JABRONIES BY 8
D4:
Championship Odds:
Baadie’s Angels (3-1)
Cunning Stunts (3-1)
Puckett All-Stars (6-1)
Buffalo Vice (8-1)
Travis Henry’s Kids (10-1)
Passing While Intoxicated (15-1)
Creekers (25-1)
Cobblestone (25-1)
Preseason Hype: The standings may just say “BAADies” but I’m calling them what they are. The Angels are BACK. Emily. Maggie. Robin. Val. Nicole. Heather. Sam. The greatest gender team of all time has returned, and they have some new blood with them as well (Talia, Misty, Mackenzie, Steph) as they combine with Garrett to run it back. This team is talented, and while we’ll miss Matty on the field with the girls, Garrett is one hell of a consolation prize. This is going to be FUN. Why is that you ask? Oh, because the Cunning Stunts are STILL HERE. The gender team battle has returned, and whenever they play, they BETTER be on Field 1 so everyone can watch. The Stunts return all of the girls that made them great last season, and they have QB God Joey Batts still slinging the ball for them. D4 is back to when it was at its best: the gender teams rule, and the co-ed teams get mad about it and play better to try to beat them. Puckett was absolutely awesome last season, and they’re already mad that they’re only the 3rd ranked team in the division they dominated a season ago. I don’t think I see any changes to the roster, which is a good thing. They didn’t need to fix what wasn’t broken. They’re the top competitor to the ladies for sure. Buffalo Vice comes rolling in for their 1,053rd season in the TSL. They’re always competitive, and yes, they’re still chasing a title. They’re getting a little older, but that’s okay. They’re still able to play the game at a high level, they’re just more prone to muscle pulls. And they arguably have the greatest girl not on a gender team in Caitlyn Mason, and Rachel Parker is no slouch either. I look forward to Dan emailing me about their epic win over the Stunts soon. THK was a joke last year. Simple as that. John Langley spent way too much time losing games and being miserable. Just kidding. They were at the bottom of the standings, but lost a few close games. And then? They started winning. They ended the season VERY hot, and correct me if I’m misremembering, but I think they just were missing most of their team for the playoff game they lost. The point is, there’s a lot to build on. They have John who could win D4 QB of the year, and they have Pete, who again, is tremendous. And, they added the sneakiest free agent signing of the offseason with getting Aaron Balcerzak from the TOX break up. Their Achilles heel will still be the lack of dominant females behind Mackenzie Klun, but Langley has shown he can overcome that. Topper wanted me to add that Langley is still terrible though. PWI is coming off an impressive D5 victory last season where they took control of a wide open division and ran with it. This team is bringing back the same people but doing the honorable “move up a division”, I don’t think they added anyone to the squad, and they didn’t really need to. This team gelled at the right time and they’re just going to continue to get better every week. The Creekers come into the TSL as a brand new team, as Missy Keem put together a new squad to start playing. Bravo, Missy! However, I don't know too much about them, but again, they can email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to introduce themselves. And finally, Darryl Carr QB Superstar is in D4 with Cobblestone. Cobblestone played well in D5 and moved up. They honestly just always move around because Darryl just says “put us where you need us”. What an absolutely wonderful man he is. Darryl has a pretty good squad yet again, with AD, Leseaon Washington, and former 716 standout Donte Ridgeway leading the way. As long as they can catch Darryl’s magnificent pinpoint passes this season, they could win the whole thing.
Preseason Prediction: Puckett All-Stars get it together to beat the Cunning Stunts in the semi-finals, ruining the BAADies-Stunts final we all want. But then Puckett loses to the Angels in the finals anyway.
This Week’s Games:
Baadie’s Angels vs Buffalo Vice (+3) - Despite my excitement for the return of the Angels, its still been a second since they’ve played together and Garrett hasn’t really thrown for a gender team just yet. Because of that, and them playing at 10am to kick off the season, I think we’ll see a very close game. BAADIES BY 8
Travis Henry’s Kids vs Cobblestone (+6) - Travis Henry’s Kids looks to pick up where they left off last season, and they’re getting the right team to do it against. Cobblestone has talent, for sure, but they’ve struggled to be consistent, dropping the ball (literally) in the games that have mattered. It’ll be interesting to watch this one for sure. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 3
D5:
Championship Odds:
TMA (5-1)
Tater Tots (6-1)
Not So Sticky (7-1)
Come From Behind (7-1)
Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (9-1)
Goatsack! (10-1)
GUCCI (10-1)
Long Balls (15-1)
Preseason Hype: Welcome to the Thunderdome. D5 looks to be the closest and most competitive division we have top to bottom. There’s no real clear cut “favorite” to win this thing. All that means is that we’re going to see some really good football. TMA comes into the season the same way they always do lately: Preseason favorites. But this isn’t your father’s TMA. The roster is noticeably missing anyone that was over 5’8 on the team. Nick Smith, Prim, Rob Rummings are all gone this season. Diana Bernal was injured in the offseason so she’s missing. On the plus side, TMA had 42 people on the roster to begin with, so they’ll be okay. They still have Ron Webber, Ryan Henry, a couple of Turners, and Val Testa, just to name a few. TMA should have no trouble scoring, but the signature defense they’ve had for years might be a problem this Spring. The Tater Tots show up, and now Derek Pew is launching his signature bombs for them. They also signed Rob Rummings from TMA, which means the Tots get taller, faster, AND a division rival gets worse. Big win for Drunk Meg’s Husband as he resumes his GM duties for the squad. Not So Sticky returns to D5 after waltzing to a D6 title last season. They were 0-9-1 in their last D5 run, so perhaps we need a D5.5 for them to really find their zone. They lost a few key players from the title team, but still should compete for the D5 title this year. Come From Behind is back and they’re largely the same group we’ve come to know and love for the last 40 years. No significant roster changes that I can see, just the same TSL Hall of Famers that will continue to score points and be a title contender every season, as long as everyone shows up. The Interdimensional Lightning Falcons have returned with largely the same squad as last season where they didn’t really live up to expectations. I’m not exactly sure who’s going to be throwing for this team (will it be Andrew?), but they still look to be a QB away from really competing. They have a lot of talent, they just struggle to capitalize on it overall. It hurts that Joe Miano left them to play for the Jabronies, but at least they moved down a division from D4 to recalibrate and get reset. Goatsack is another LONG time team that has been around seemingly forever. I can’t recall if they’ve played in the TSL before or not, because I’m pretty sure they’ve flirted with the idea before, but I don’t remember if it ever happened or not. Either way, QB Andy has brought the sack to D5 and they’re going to be fun to watch. The roster is full of names I’ve heard before in football circles, so teams should beware of what they can do. GUCCI has returned to the TSL and all is right with the world. QB Kelly Kane leads her squad back to the TSL for some fun times and great football. Yet another long time franchise in the Social Co-Ed Touch Football world, Gucci has been around for ages, and they can hold their own with anyone. The Long Balls are a new-ish team that has a lot of the old “Varsity Has Beens” from a year ago, along with Alex Lee of PWI fame. If I recall, a lot of these names are hockey players that are giving football a try. If everything clicks for them, don't be surprised to see them still playing on Championship Saturday.
Preseason Prediction: Chaos. Glorious Chaos. But when it’s all said and done I think we’ll be seeing the Tater Tots taking home the title over Come From Behind. I can’t wait to see what happens in D5 this season.
This Week’s Games:
Come From Behind vs Goatsack! (+7) - Two forever franchises battle it out to kick off the D5 season! This game will be close, but with Goatsack having to adjust to the different rules in the TSL that CFB mastered back in 1987, CFB will have the advantage. COME FROM BEHIND BY 10
TMA vs GUCCI (+7) - Gucci returns to get to play TMA right away. Normally that’d be a hard start, but with TMA not exactly very “TMA-y”, and learning how to play without some of their top players, anything can happen. The Captain Val Testa era gets off to a rough start. GUCCI BY 4
Tater Tots vs Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (+10) - The Tots routinely take the Fall off, but they never seem to miss a beat in the Spring when they return. They have a QB, they have their usual roster, and they’ll be just fine. Meanwhile I think ILF is still going to have to adjust to all of their own changes. TATER TOTS BY 9
Not So Sticky vs Long Balls (+7) - A typical case of Old team that’s played together a long time vs the new team that shows some promise but still needs to figure things out. NSS takes advantage. NOT SO STICKY BY 12
D6:
Championship Odds:
Blitzkrieg (5-1)
Southside (6-1)
Balls Deep (7-1)
Sausage McMuffins (9-1)
Two Tuddies (10-1)
Grass Eaters (11-1)
Back That Pass up (11-1)
Pit Harade (15-1)
Mighty Drunks (17-1)
Preseason Hype: Okay, maybe I lied. D6 might be the most interesting and close knit division. We have a weaker Blitzkrieg, a little different Southside, and then 7 other teams that are either completely new or a combination of old teams with new old parts. It’s really something. At first glance, I have no idea how any of these teams are going to do and it really seems like the oddsmakers didn’t either. Blitzkrieg is back and they have most of the usual gang back, sans Mackenzie Neary or Kevin Carr, who it could be argued are two of their top players. Southside looks to have a lot of new faces, but they still have Alyssa at the helm and Tyler Cienmy as well. They’re usually pretty good with finding good players, I assume that’ll continue. Balls Deep was better known as Punt Cakes last season, and they weren’t too bad, regardless of finishing last in the division. They added some Spinelli’s talent in Ryan Rusin and Payton himself so the roster is getting an upgrade for sure. Sausage McMuffins give me all of the Passless Chaps vibes, seeing MaKensey Pietz and Eric Pochylski on the roster. They also have absolute superstar Trish Esposito on the roster, which can only mean they’ll be dangerous at the bar as well. The Tuddies are back after a nice run last season where they really started to figure things out. The roster looks to be mostly the same, with a couple of different names that seem new. Another season of playing together will certainly have them in the hunt at season’s end. And they’re just awesome overall. The Grass Eaters are the remnants of the Superior Moser Squad from last season. Steve is throwing this time, and Rylee is back to being receiver, but they’re bringing in a few new players as well. Back That Pass Up has Alex Dutkiewicz of PWI teaming up with Jeff May to bring a whole new team to the league. Pit Harade seems to be the love child of Joe K and Dave Walter. They also have Spinelli’s QB Nick Hawes throwing for him which means if any of the other guys or girls on this team can play, or more accurately run go routes, they’ll score a bunch. I do not foresee Joe K or Dave doing those. Finally, the Mighty Drunks come into play, and they could be awesome or they could be terrible. Nobody knows! Jill Dibble is the only name I recognize on this list, so hopefully she found a bunch of talented friends.
Preseason Prediction: My best prediction is that I have no idea what’s going to happen, but I’ll take Blitzkrieg to win over Balls Deep in the finals.
This Week’s Games:
Southside vs Back That Pass Up (+3) - The only reason Southside is favored is because they’ve played as a team before, I think. BTPU will go as far as Jeff May takes them. When he’s on, he’s more than capable of leading a team to a D6 title. When he’s off, Topper used to consider making a D8 just for Jeff. I think he’s going to come out swinging to prove he’s still got it. BACK THAT PASS UP BY 8
Grass Eaters vs Mighty Drunks (+3) - The over/under on how many times I type “Mighty Ducks” this season is at 4.5. Again, I have zero clue with what we have with the Drunks. But I do know that Steve is an excellent QB and regardless of who he has on his team, he’ll be able to carve up the defense of a new team that’s just figuring it out. GRASS EATERS BY 14
Two Tuddies vs Southside (EVEN) - With how the Tuddies closed the season six months ago, there’s a lot to be excited about. My hope is that they can keep it going after a long layoff, and i don’t know what it is, but i just feel like they will. TWO TUDDIES BY 2
Balls Deep vs Sausage McMuffins (EVEN) - Oh, another pick’em. But again, this division remains a mystery. When you’re in these situations you have to really go with the best player on the field, and that, by far, is Ryan Rusin. BALLS DEEP BY 8
FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:
- How badly will it rain? I checked the Buffalo weather and it looks like the field will be less than ideal for an Opening Day. 60 degrees, wind, and rain. Your captains should’ve gotten an email stating what the league plans to do in the rain, but right now expect to play. If it gets too bad, the league may have to cancel some games. Pay attention to the Facebook and the Telegram chat in order to get the most up to date information.
- Did you sign a waiver? Seriously. The TSL has made it pretty clear that if you don’t have a waiver signed before Saturday, you won’t play. Take 10 seconds of your time right now and go here: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1NqaQgYi1a2Sr-vlV_Nab-G7gIJhM3fE0O_xWzK0s5P0/edit and sign your waiver. Not sure if you did it? Do it again.
- What teams have the best chance to surprise in each division? Always a fun question. Scared Hitless, Freeballers, Can’t Touch This, Travis Henry’s Kids, Goatsack!, and literally anyone in D6.
- Which predictions do you feel most to least confident about? In order from most to least: Wanderers - BAADies - Tater Tots - Losing Streak - Practice Squad - Blitzkrieg.
- Will B’s Brother be present at the fields? As far as I know, B’s Brother is indeed scheduled to appear. I don’t know if the rain will play a factor in his availability however.
TEN FINAL THOUGHTS BEFORE SATURDAY:
- I truly think it's awesome that some of the best co-ed teams that haven’t really played in the TSL before are joining up. Teams like Gucci, Goatsack!, and of course the Wanderers coming in to play here rocks. It would’ve been awful if they never came over. (I know Gucci was here for a season, but just let me have it)
- Same goes for having Losing Streak back in the TSL. It puts a top team right into the D1 race for the championship.
- So what are the best games to watch this week?
- 10:00 - No Punt Intended vs Untouchaballs
- 11:00 - Bullet Club vs Wanderers
- 12:00 - Losing Streak vs Tight Ends In Motion
- 1:00 - Long Balls vs Not So Sticky
- 2:00 - Southside vs Two Tuddies
- 3:00 - Frodo Swaggins vs Grey Hair Don’t Care
- Let’s pour one out for the franchises that didn’t make it back to us this season, in no particular order: Buffalo Vice Retro, Passed Our Prime, The Replacements, 716, Mountain Dew Me, Get Schwifty, Zack Attack(a D4 champion!), Spinelli’s Plumbing (which is nonsense because their players are on like 7 different teams), TOX, Today’s Feast, Woodpeckers, and Lenny’s Ladies. Some of them won’t be back, some of them will be back in a season. Either way, you’re missed.
- Except for Hogan. It’ll be a nice and easy season without that guy screaming and spitting.
- Hey guess what? If you want to play on two teams in the fall, you need to get your 4 games of reffing in! (or start a gender team, or bring in a brand new team) That’s an every season thing, not a “I did it that one time” thing. Don’t say “I didn’t know”.
- Shout out to a few of the TSLers that I’ve been hearing have either gotten engaged, gotten married, gotten pregnant, or already had a baby in the last half a year! It’s always awesome to see our league’s members doing awesome.
- Hey, what happened to "The Manager"? Turns out writing massive weekly articles isn't for everyone.
- Special Hellos to Dorene Major, Dave Walter, Molly McDermid, Leslie Cook, Jeff May, Taylor Pagano, Margo Pagano, Maggie LaMantia, Scott Keller Jr, Jen Stachura, Paul LoVullo, Brent McKenzie, Nick Buczek, and of course Tammy Buczek. The great ones deserve recognition, and I only named a few.
- There are whispers that the bar may actually be offering the league some bar specials. Not sure exactly what they are yet, but someone let me know when they see them!
And that’s it. The race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality has officially begun! Everyone be safe, have fun, don’t scream at the refs, and enjoy the greatest family gathering you could ever hope to be at. But again, make sure to tell me about it.
-GF OUT