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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe: We’re here. We’ve made it. On Saturday, June 22nd in the Year of Our Lord 2024 47 of the TSL’s 51 teams will descend upon the Lenny Alba Fields at the Rose Garden (minus the Mavericks and Freeballers, who earned bye weeks, and the two Breakfast Club teams who lost last week) to compete in the most prestigious and grueling battle in history: The Race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality. This week is the beginning of what you’ve been waiting for for the last two months. When you arrived to the fields on April 27th, after weeks of getting your team together, convincing people to play for your team (be it stealing them from one team or getting new people to play), begging Jeff Krol to put you in a lower division, countless texts about game times, if you’re a captain, you get that special kind of hell that can be collecting money from your team, deciding on team colors, if you should get jerseys, and every other ounce of effort you put into your team for getting them prepared for the season…you had hope. April 27th was a clean slate for everyone. Nobody knew what the next two months would bring. The preseason to the Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality was a good one this year. It was full of drama (a battle royale and a team just disappearing to start the season, for instance), unexpected moments (Topper returning to become D3 Defensive Player of the Year), absolute domination (The Malones setting TSL scoring records), scumbaggery (anything John Langley did), multiple TSL holidays (TWO weeks of successful Lenny and Rameer days), environmental changes (the league getting pretty good at cleaning up garbage), good refereeing (Garbacz), horrible refereeing (Garbacz), and the usual handful of TSL Weddings, Engagements, and Babies being born into the TSL Universe. In short, it was fun. Mostly. 

 

And none of that matters now. All of the things that happened during the Spring 2024 season can be filed away in your memories, because your focus should be squarely on the prize in front of you. A TSL Championship, which is one of the hardest things to win on this planet. Probably other planets too. TSL Playoff Saturday is one of the 3 best weekends in sports, tied with the first two days of March Madness and the fall version of TSL Playoff Saturday. This is the weekend where perfect seasons go to die. The TSL is historically littered with playoff upsets, as #1 seeds that looked dominant going into the playoffs got bounced unexpectedly. There are always amazing games, and they won’t be the ones you expected to be the amazing ones. If you’re playing Saturday, you should show up early/stay after your game just to watch the drama unfold. There will be yelling, there will be tears, there will be raw emotions as teams watch their season slowly slip away while others begin to be overjoyed with happiness as they move on to Championship Saturday next week. The TSL is one of the greatest must see-TV binge watching shows you may not know about. There is no rhyme or reason as to why things happen the way they do here, so don’t try to find ways to figure out who is going to win. Every season is its own entity, and you never know what you’ll get. It’s the best. 

 

You worked hard for this. Your team worked on offensive plays for weeks, learning what works well. You figured out the holes in your defense, or at least tried to. You put in the work, and now it’s time to hydrate, stretch, listen to your favorite hype music, and get focused on the prize at hand: Immortality. 

 

History is going to unfold this Saturday. Which side of it are you going to be on? 

(Disclaimer: As usual, the lines are given to me by the TSL Official Odds Committee in Las Vegas, The “TSL Rank” is based off a league wide overall ranking using very specific qualifications that Topper came up with on a wine bender 15 years ago and can’t remember what they are. Of course we still just go with it. The PF/PA rankings are within the division, not the league. The “Last 3” is a team’s record in the final three weeks of the season (some played only 2 games, others played 4, the rest had 3), to show who’s coming in “hot” and who’s coming in “not”.)

 

D1:

 

The Contenders:

 

Eyes Uptown (3-1)

Eyes Downtown (5-1)

Sticky Bandits (5-1)

 

Frodo Swaggins:

 

Frodo Swaggins (50-1)

The Story: D1 has been a three team race for most of the season. No disrespect to Frodo, they’re just not playing at the level of the other D1 teams (or some D2 teams currently). Eyes Uptown shook off a slow start to be the best team in D1, while the ‘fun’ of Week 1 really derailed Eyes Downtown, who just haven’t seemed right all year, only going 4-4 on the season. Sticky has hung tough in every game they’ve played this year and can’t be counted out. 

#1 Eyes Uptown (6-2) vs #4 Frodo Swaggins (1-7)

 

Points For: EU 36.50 (1st), Frodo 18.25 (4th)

Points Against: EU 24.88 (1st), Frodo 33.75 (4th)

TSL Rank: EU 5th, Frodo 47th

Last 3: EU 3-0, Frodo 0-2

Past Games: 28-15 EU, 49-8 EU

Line: Eyes Uptown (-13)

 

There’s not much to say here. Despite the best efforts from Frodo, it’s been a challenging season for them, and not much has really gone right. These types of seasons happen every now and then. Meanwhile, Eyes Uptown has made it a goal to get back to the top of the mountain after last year’s playoff loss, and they’re rounding into form just as the playoffs start, which is perfect for Joey Batts’ crew. They’re hyper talented, and they still have most of the players from the teams that have gone to the D1 title game the last 4 seasons. EYES UPTOWN BY 15

 

#2 Sticky Bandits (5-3) vs #3 Eyes Downtown (4-4)

Points For: SB 29.50 (3rd), ED 32.50 (2nd)

Points Against: SB 27.13 (2nd), ED 30.13 (3rd)

TSL Rank: SB 18th, ED 27th

Last 3: SB 1-1, ED 1-2

Past Games: 35-32 SB, 35-20 ED

Line: EVEN

 

Sticky Bandits continue to work towards the D1 championship that’s eluded them, and this might be their best team yet. The addition of Maggie to rush (she’s one of the best rushers in TSL history), has been fantastic for them, and gives them a boost where they needed it. Mike Thomas is as steady as they come at QB, and they’re ready to make some noise. Eyes Downtown isn’t very “Eyes Downtown-y” this season. They just feel off, and that was only helped by the recent loss to The Untouchaballs, and barely beating Scared Hitless in the D2 Crossover games. If they won the D1 title, I wouldn’t be surprised. If they lose this game by 20, I wouldn’t be surprised. They’re the most interesting team in D1 for that reason. It’s a shame we won’t see them next week. STICKY BANDITS BY 7

D2:

 

The Contenders:

 

Mavericks (3-1)

Freeballers (4-1)

The Untouchaballs (4-1)

Can’t Touch This (4-1)

Scared Hitless (4-1)

Puckett All-Stars (6-1)

 

The Story: I know what you’re thinking but the truth is, D2 has become the closest division top to bottom that the TSL has to offer. I’ll start at the bottom with Puckett. Even with finishing 1-7, we spoke ALL year about how they’re SO close to winning. Only two of the seven losses were by more than one score. Now you mix in the historical “Playoff Puckett Magic” that has existed in this team’s DNA for years, and an upset wouldn’t be surprising. As for the rest of the division, everyone is beating up on everyone. This division is incredibly close, with the Mavericks getting the slight nod as the favorite. Everyone else has been playing VERY good football, they even went 4-4 in the D1 crossover games as a group, and you could argue that they realistically could’ve been 6-2. It feels impossible to feel confident in whoever you think is going to win the title. 

 

Bye Week: #1 Mavericks, #2 Freeballers

#3 The Untouchaballs (4-3-1) vs #6 Puckett All-Stars (1-7)

 

Points For: UT 28.00 (6th), PAS 30.38 (4th)

Points Against: UT 31.25 (2nd), PAS 35.50 (6th)

TSL Rank: UT 21st, PAS 45th

Last 3: UT 1-1, PAS 1-2

Past Games: 33-20 UT

Line: Untouchaballs (-3)

 

The defending D2 champs come in as the #3 seed as their slow start to the season didn’t help them much in tiebreaker scenarios. What goes unmentioned however is their Strength of Schedule, they got the Mavericks twice, and both Eyes teams, which almost feels unfair, going 1-2-1. Burr has proven that he can turn it on when it matters, and while we spend a lot of time thinking about what females they don’t have, we forget to point out that the ones they do have, Nina and Meg, are awesome. Add in the usual suspects on offense, and we have the makings of a damn good team. Puckett’s 1-7 record is misleading and they probably deserved to be at least 3-5, but it’s still a good start to their D2 career. The Playoff Magic might have to wait another season though, UT is looking to repeat on the way to moving up to D1. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 8

#4 Can’t Touch This (4-3-1) vs #5 Scared Hitless (4-4)

 

Points For: CTT 33.50 (3rd), SH 33.75 (2nd)

Points Against: CTT 32.25 (4th), SH 35.25 (5th)

TSL Rank: CTT 22nd, SH 32nd

Last 3: CTT 2-0-1, SH 1-2

Past Games: 38-36 SH

Line: CTT (-2)

 

It wasn’t too long ago that we were talking about CTT’s losing streak and people were thinking about how they’ll fit back in D3 next season. The problem with that was CTT wasn’t concerned about it. The funny thing is when you have a supermodel, rocket-armed QB who can throw the length of the field with the flick of the wrist, and also having the lowkey best group of girls in the division, the wins will come. And they have been. CTT is one of the hottest teams in the TSL right now, and they get a Scared Hitless team that’s had a good season, but it feels a little “average”. Not too good, not too bad. SH can beat anyone, and the addition of Travis has helped for sure. Scared Hitless has a reputation for turning it on in the playoffs, and I expect nothing less from them in this one, as this one has Game of the Day potential. CAN’T TOUCH THIS BY 2

 

D3

 

The Contenders:

 

The Malones (3-2)

 

The Non-Malones Contenders:

 

Wanderers (4-1)

Jabronies (6-1)

Keller Whales (7-1)

 

The “You Should Be Better Get It Together Longer Range Contenders” Club:

 

Let’s Get Reccked (9-1)

Bullet Club (10-1)

Topper’s All Stars & Todd (10-1)

 

The “I Can’t Call You Pretenders In D3 No Matter How Bad Things Might Ever Look For You” Contenders:

 

Practice Squad (10-1)

 

The Pretenders:

 

Buffalo Vice (15-1)

 

The Story: The Malones came in and ruined what would’ve been a very good, close, and entertaining D3 season top to bottom. They dominated the division, scored a ton of points, and made it look a bit too easy. As for the rest of the division, the Wanderers keep doing what they always do, winning and having fun. The Jabronies tend to only play in the Spring, But they always play very well, and usually have 2 losses that probably should’ve been wins. The Kellers have been riding a hot start, but haven’t been as good as of late. Let’s Get Reccked, Bullet Club, and TAST are a combined 7-16-1, and should arguably be 17-7 instead. Any one of these teams could “pop” off and surprise in the playoffs. Practice Squad sits at 3-5 with the worst PD in the division, but they also could be 6-2 as well. It’s been a season of ups and down for the Squad, but the playoffs are always where they shine. Some teams are just better in the playoffs, and they’re one of ‘em. Lastly, Buffalo Vice had a good, competitive season in D3, although their division worst defense more than likely does them in this season. 

#8 Bullet Club (2-5-1) vs #9 Topper’s All-Stars & Todd (2-6)

 

Points For: BC 29.25 (6th), TAST 25.00 (9th)

Points Against: BC 33.00 (5th), TAST 30.63 (3rd)

TSL Rank: BC 39th, TAST 41st

Last 3: BC 1-1-1, TAST 2-2

Past Games: 32-30 BC

Line: Bullet Club (-2)

 

These two teams don’t feel like they should be in the 8-9 game, but here they are. They just played a close game a couple of weeks ago, and we should expect more of the same. Both teams have very good defenses, and this game feels like it’ll be decided by whoever blinks first. Dylan has settled in at QB for BC, who still boasts 5 fantastic females on their roster led by long time BCer Steph Czaja, who is joined by Ashley, Kelsey, and Lexi. And that’s not to mention they added Amanda Werth, who I’ve been told still looks like she’s “got it” when she’s filled in. George Lombardo has been great for them too. On Topper’s side, he has, well, himself. The probable Defensive Player of the Year has shown he can do more than just throw TDs, as he gave way to Dubey during the season, and the team has clicked since. Nixon and Salvati have played for 4,025 years combined, but it all ties together having Aaron and Drew as the very good tall guys. This one is going to be close, and I was ready to take TAST, but then I heard Topper isn’t going to be playing. That’s a huge advantage for BC. BULLET CLUB BY 6

 

#1 The Malones (8-0) vs #8 Bullet Club (2-5-1)

 

Points For: MA 52.13 (1st), BC 29.25 (5th) 

Points Against: MA 31.50 (4th), BC 33.00 (5th)

TSL Rank: MA 1st, BC 39th

Last 3: MA 4-0, BC 1-1-1

Past Games: 48-39 BC

Line: The Malones (-14)

 

The Malones’ domination of D3 has been well documented at this point, and they’re already tabbed to go up to D2 (or D1 if everything combines at this rate) win or lose. They’ve set scoring records as Andy, Rhace, Nick, and the rest of the guys are paired with some of the best females in the league that you’ve never heard of, and they like it that way. They have attitude, they have swagger, and they’re good. They’ve won FIVE of their eight games by 22 or more points. The three teams they didn’t? They beat the Jabronies by 6 points. But then they only beat Bullet Club AND TAST by 9 points. So, somehow, the 8-9 seed matchup is going to give the Malones an opponent that played them pretty well last time they met. Look for them to fix that this time around. THE MALONES BY 17

 

#2 Wanderers (6-2) vs #7 Practice Squad (3-5)

 

Points For: WN 34.25 (2nd), PS 28.00 (7th)

Points Against: WN 33.38 (6th), PS 34.25 (8th)

TSL Rank: WN 8th, PS 38th

Last 3: WN 2-2, PS 0-2

Past Games: 32-27 WN

Line: Wanderers (-7)

 

The Wanderers continue to do Wanderers things, playing sound football that more than likely comes down to the end of the game. QB Frank has been running this offense for 1000 years, and everyone knows what they’re supposed to do. “Newcomer” Stoner Dave has been very good for them as well, fitting in seamlessly to improve an already great team. Practice Squad continues to also be what they’ve been for years, solid across the board. B continues to throw very well for them, and when he’s in the zone, that’s when PS really gets rolling. All of the guys on this team contribute, and you can’t stop them all on top of having to deal with Renee dicing you up as well. They’ll fight to the end, as always. WANDERERS BY 3

 

#3 Keller Whales (4-3-1) vs #6 Buffalo Vice (3-5)

 

Points For: KW 27.75 (8th), BV 31.88 (4th)

Points Against: KW 27.25 (1st), BV 36.50 (9th)

TSL Rank: KW 23rd, BV 35th

Last 3: KW 1-2-1, BV 1-1

Past Games: 36-24 KW

Line: Keller Whales (-7)

 

The Kellers haven’t had the best season, or the worst season. It’s just been a season for them. It started out fantastically, going to 3-0 and running the division. They hit a few speed bumps, and went 1-3-1 the rest of the way. They’re consistent on offense, as they scored 36 points in Week 1 against BV, and hit 30 points 5 more times. However, that 36 points was their highest total of the season. That #1 defense has been killing it, getting turnovers and stops. Katie Keller might be 47 years old now, but she can still play. Damien continues to grow as a QB, but his growing pains are part of the reason the offense is ranked 8th. The cure for that is the Buffalo Vice defense, worst in D3 by an average of 2.25 points per game. Vice wins games by out scoring you, as you score on them (39-38 W over Jabronies, 44-41 W over Practice Squad, 34-25 W vs TAST, but that was with Topper at QB, which was yucky). Andy can throw with the best of them, and Caitlyn Mason is All-World as always. Shoutout to Amy too, who always seems to get forgotten a bit. If Vice can solve the Keller’s defense, an upset isn’t out of the question. BUFFALO VICE BY 3

 

#4 Jabronies (4-4) vs #5 Let’s Get Reccked (3-5)

 

Points For: Jabronies 32.88 (3rd), LGR 29.75 (5th)

Points Against: Jabronies 30.25 (2nd), LGR 34.13 (7th)

TSL Rank: Jabronies 31st, LGR 34th

Last 3: Jabronies 2-2, LGR 1-2

Past Games: 28-22 Jabronies

Line: Jabronies (-6)

 

Well, if the TSL is scripted like the NFL, Jeff Krol would’ve written it this way, getting these two teams to play each other. Both sides of the ball are littered with former Tight Ends In Motion players, which makes this game a bit more fun. The Jabronies are arguably the most complete team in the division behind The Malones, as Joe Miano has been nothing but great this season, and it’s a shame he doesn’t seem to get the recognition he really deserves. Eric Klecker might have “more grays than good plays nowadays”, but that is misleading because he still makes a ton of good plays, and might lead the division in TD catches. Ricky Recckio’s team had everyone worried about the roster in Week 1, but they’ve struggled this season mostly due to attendance issues, and they’re a little banged up. Allegedly they’re getting healthy as the playoffs approach (Garrett, for example), which can only be considered a good thing. This should be a good one. LETS GET RECCKED BY 6

 

D4

 

The Contenders:

 

Cunning Stunts (3-1)

Passing While Intoxicated (4-1)

Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (7-1)

Tater Tots (9-1)

 

The “Kinda There But Not Really”s:

 

Creekers (12-1)

 

The Pretenders:

 

Reset Warriors (14-1)

Vaspian (20-1)

Cobblestone (35-1)

The Roaring 20s (40-1)

The Story: The Cunning Stunts dominated the regular season, scoring insane amounts of points while also killing it on defense to earn the top seed in the division. Meanwhile, ILF, PWI, and the Tots continued to battle it out for “best team that plays more than one male” in the division, as they try to figure out how they’ll win this championship. The Creekers have had an up and down season themselves, and while they wouldn’t be a surprise to end up playing in the championship game, it feels like next year is their year in D4. The Reset Warriors had a very good first season, while Vaspian was all over the place as they reset the roster a little bit this spring. The Roaring 20’s have been impressive for a first year team, but have work to do on defense, whereas Cobblestone just has work to do on getting enough people to the games.

 

#8 The Roaring 20s (1-7) vs #9 Cobblestone (1-7)

 

Points For: TR20 24.25 (7th), Cobblestone 17.50 (9th)

Points Against: TR20 38.13 (9th), Cobblestone 36.13 (7th)

TSL Rank: TR20 43rd, Cobblestone 48th

Last 3: TR20 0-3, Cobblestone 1-3

Past Games: 32-20 TR20

Line: EVEN

 

The Roaring 20s have been a steadily improving new squad, and they should be excited about their football future. The hardest thing about being a new team is figuring out what offensive plays work consistently for you, and of course, defense. It’s hard to defend against teams that have been playing a lot longer than you, but TR20 did a great job learning on the fly. Cobblestone has been a mess all season. Darryl Carr QB Superstar has done all he can do with putting the team on his back, but he can only do so much when they’re playing with 4-5 players instead of 6. Things happen in life, and you can’t control that so much. Even Darryl himself will tell you he hasn’t played up to the level he knows he’s capable. It’s Darryl so you know it’s in there and I’m sure he’ll have a full team for the playoffs. The last thing TR20 is going to want is Darryl Carr QB Superstar mysteriously getting on fire in a playoff game. COBBLESTONE BY 10

 

#1 Cunning Stunts (8-0) vs #9 Cobblestone (1-7)

 

Points For: CS 46.50 (1st), Cobblestone 17.50 (9th)

Points Against: CS 26.63 (2nd), Cobblestone 36.13 (7th)

TSL Rank: CS 2nd, Cobblestone 48th

Last 3: CS 4-0, Cobblestone 1-3

Past Games: 52-32 Cunning Stunts

Line: Cunning Stunts (-21)

 

A 21 point spread in a playoff game seems insane, but the Stunts have truly brought their game to a new level this season. It’s not so much the offense, in fact, the Stunts have averaged more than the 46.5 points per game they scored this season more than a few times in previous years, but it’s the defense. The knock on the Stunts was always that you could score on them, just that you had to get the 1 and go for the female scores. If you failed, you were in trouble. This year? Everyone is playing lockdown defense for the girls, and what’s ailed them in the past isn’t there. I know that the first round of the playoffs has been scary for the Stunts in the past, but not this time around. CUNNING STUNTS BY 17

 

#2 Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (6-2) vs #7 Vaspian (2-6)

 

Points For: ILF 32.13 (4th), Vaspian 23.63 (8th)

Points Against: ILF 26.38 (1st), Vaspian 36.63 (8th)

TSL Rank: ILF 4th, Vaspian 42nd

Last 3: ILF 3-0, Vaspian 1-3

Past Games: 30-22 ILF

Line: Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (-10)

 

ILF has had another great year as Andrew Kicak’s squad has found themselves ranked 4th overall in the entire league. They do it by playing excellent defense, as they’ve shut down just about everybody, only allowing 47 points twice, to PWI (a 48-47 W) and Creekers (a 47-31 L). Every other game has been 34 points allowed or less. QB Ethan continues to grow into his role, and as a result ILF is scoring a bit better, and looks good on offense. They get to face off against a Vaspian team they just beat 30-22 last week. Vaspian has made some changes to the roster, and some attendance issues hurt the team during the season. Although they’ve been better as of late, as they hung with ILF and THEN hung with the Stunts, only losing 45-40. Vaspian’s offense is starting to bloom, but they’re still 8th in the division. The problem for Vaspian is their once heralded defense is long gone. They’re allowing nearly 37 points a game, which feels like 20 more points than we’re used to seeing. Those defensive woes will be what does them in. INTERDIMENSIONAL LIGHTNING FALCONS BY 13

 

#3 Passing While Intoxicated (6-2) vs #6 Reset Warriors (4-4)

 

Points For: PWI 36.63 (2nd), RW 30.13 (6th)

Points Against: PWI 27.13 (3rd), RW 27.50 (4th)

TSL Rank: PWI 6th, RW 29th

Last 3: PWI 2-0, RW 2-1

Past Games: 32-6 PWI

Line: Passing While Intoxicated (-10)

 

PWI has been cruising along this season, never quite getting close to losing games that maybe they shouldn’t be losing. QB Alex Lee continues to be an underrated player in the league, and he uses his weapons perfectly. The evolution of the PWI females has been the bigger story for the team, as it seems all of them have improved, which is exactly what they need if they want to take down the Stunts. The Reset Warriors’ first season has been a doozy, with their QB getting injured midseason, so Shirtless Chris had to throw a bit along the way. The Wolcott Family should be happy with 4-4, and there’s a little bit of belief on their side that they can pull off this upset now that they’re healthier. It’ll take an interception or two, which Alex has been known to throw occasionally, and let’s remember that RW has beaten the Tots, lost to ILF by a point, and lost to the Stunts by only 8. They’re better than they appear. RESET WARRIORS BY 3

 

#4 Tater Tots (4-4) vs #5 Creekers (4-4)

 

Points For: TT 34.38 (3rd), Creekers 30.38 (5th)

Points Against: TT 27.63 (5th), Creekers 29.38 (6th)

TSL Rank: TT 25th, Creekers 26th

Last 3: TT 0-2, Creekers 1-2

Past Games: 48-22 TT

Line: Tater Tots (-7)

 

The Tater Tots jumped into D4 with B in tow to throw, and they’ve looked like they’ve belonged here the whole time. Dave Marcus has once again assembled a talented, yet very fun team that’s easy to root for. The Tots may be one step behind the “Top 3” in D4, but they have the ability to pull off an upset as well. The Creekers’ also jumped into D4 after a D5 title, and started off hot themselves. They beat ILF early on and established themselves as contenders. The last few weeks have not been kind to them though. They lost to 1-7 Cobblestone, The barely beat 1-7 TR20, and then they got obliterated by the Stunts. It feels like they’ve taken a step back here. TATER TOTS BY 8

 

D5

 

The Contenders:

 

GUCCI (3-1)

Power Puff Girls (4-1)

Travis Henry’s Kids (4-1)

Come From Behind (6-1)

 

One Step Behind:

 

Not So Sticky (8-1)

 

The Pretenders:

 

Stir The Sauce (20-1)

TMA (30-1)

Two Tuddies (32-1)

 

The Story: GUCCI continues their regular season dominance over the division, taking home another division title. However, the contenders for the championship aren’t that far behind as the Red Hot Power Puff Girls are on the warpath, meanwhile Come From Behind continues to be in the title picture as they are every season. Travis Henry’s Kids, the entire season “favorite” figures to get Pistol Pete back for the playoffs. He’s a legitimate threat to take over any game, in any division. Not So Sticky sits at 4-2-2, and always has an outside chance of making noise. They can play with anyone, especially in the playoffs (just ask CFB about that), and might be the best “value bet” with their odds to win the title in the league. Stir The Sauce had quite a few moments this season in their first go, but ultimately couldn’t beat anyone other than the two teams below them in the standings. TMA had quite the rough outing this season, and it seems like a return home to D6 is in the cards for them. The Two Tuddies struggled to find their footing in D5 after winning the D6 title. Despite being the only winless team this season, they were in a lot of games, and they didn’t get blown out too much. 

 

#1 GUCCI (7-0-1) vs #8 Two Tuddies (0-7-1)

 

Points For: GUCCI 31.00 (3rd), TT 19.63 (7th)

Points Against: GUCCI 15.50 (1st), TT 36.63 (7th)

TSL Rank: GUCCI 3rd, TT 50th

Last 3: GUCCI 3-0-1, TT 0-4

Past Games: 42-20 GUCCI

Line: GUCCI (-17)

 

GUCCI had a spectacular season, going 7-0-1, but now they get to play their biggest nemesis. No, not the Tud Buds, but the first round of the playoffs! GUCCI has followed up the last two successful regular seasons with getting upset in the first round (Spring 2023 losing to #8 TMA, Fall 2023 losing to #6 Goatsack!). Kelly Kane has been dealing all year as usual, but more impressive is the GUCCI defense allowing ONLY 15.50 points on average all season! They allowed 24 points in Week 1 of the season, and since then only ONE team was able to score 20 on them. That team? The Two Tuddies. The Tud Buds have struggled on both sides of the ball, but averaging less than 20 points a game against a defense only allowing 15.50? GUCCI BY 14

 

#2 Travis Henry’s Kids (5-3) vs #7 TMA (1-7)

 

Points For: THK 31.00 (3rd), TMA 13.75 (8th)

Points Against: THK 28.25 (5th), TMA 38.63 (8th)

TSL Rank: THK 11th, TMA 49th

Last 3: THK 1-3, TMA 0-3

Past Games: 28-14 THK

Line: Travis Henry’s Kids (-14)

 

Travis Henry’s Kids finished the season in 2nd place despite losing a couple of games they probably shouldn’t have in recent weeks. Regardless, Langley has been throwing well this season, with or without Pistol Pete, and let’s not forget that they have Aaron as well. The rest of THK is filled with good players who go overlooked as well. They get a TMA team that’s still transitioning, and it’s been hard for one of the TSL’s marquee franchises. Lots of player turnover has led to lots of mistakes on both sides of the ball, and the once legendary TMA Defense is long gone. With that said, they did keep THK in check in the last game they played, and if QB Ryan can summon his 2022 form, an upset isn’t out of the question. It just depends on how upbeat and confident TMA is at this point. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 8

 

#3 Come From Behind (5-3) vs #6 Stir The Sauce (3-5)

 

Points For: CFB 32.00 (2nd), STS 29.75 (5th)

Points Against: CFB 23.50 (3rd), STS 28.25 (6th)

TSL Rank: CFB 13th, STS 36th

Last 3: CFB 2-1, STS 1-2

Past Games: 52-10 CFB

Line: Come From Behind (-10)

 

As we saw last week in CFB’s 52-10 win over STS, this is a bad matchup for STS. Their main source of offense, the uber talented Wrestler Dan can’t use his height to his advantage as CFB has some taller athletes of their own. Paul LoVullo is a living legend in the TSL, and he STILL slings the rock harder than almost everyone. The ladies are always good, and have the most experience in league history. Harlan continues to blossom as one of the best upcoming players in the league. CFB is good. Very good. STS has talent as well, and were keeping games close in the beginning of the year against good teams. However, they’ve been a little off lately, and next season really feels like the time they’ll pop. COME FROM BEHIND BY 13

 

#4 Power Puff Girls (5-3) vs #5 Not So Sticky (4-2-2)

 

Points For: PPG 35.50 (1st), NSS 27.00 (6th)

Points Against: PPG 26.63 (4th), NSS 22.25 (2nd)

TSL Rank: PPG 16th, NSS 19th

Last 3: PPG 4-0, NSS 2-0-1

Past Games: 42-34 PPG

Line: Power Puff Girls (-3)

 

The Power Puff Girls started the season getting throttled by THK. Since then, other than a big loss to CFB, they’ve won every game OR lost to GUCCI 18-16. They figured it out, and D5 should be terrified. Amber’s team has been gelling together all season, and QB Kyle has figured out how to best use studs like Maddie, Casey, Jessie, and Brit Matthews. That’s just to name a few. The talent was always there, now the ‘knowhow’ is getting there too. Not So Sticky has had a good season for their standards. Sometimes they’re 6-2, other’s they’re 0-8, but this year’s 4-2-2 is crazy given the two ties. Rags has been throwing better than he has in a long time, and Hot Vodka Ashley has had a great season too. We know how talented the rest of them are. This should be a doozy, but the Girls are one of the hottest teams in the TSL right now. POWER PUFF GIRLS BY 8

 

D6

 

The Contenders: 

 

Pit Harade (3-1)

Blitzkrieg (4-1)

Sausage McMuffins (4-1)

Back That Pass Up (6-1)

 

The “Just On The Outside But Could Surprise”:

 

Balls Deep (8-1)

Mighty Ducks (12-1)

 

Just Joshing:

 

Just Joshing (15-1)

 

The Pretenders:

 

Sticky Laces (20-1)

Dogg Pound (25-1)

 

The Story: D6 takes the mantle of this season’s absolutely nuts division. Pit Harade finished 1st overall after beating Blitzkrieg last week. The loss dropped Blitzkrieg into a ridiculous 4-5 matchup against the McMuffins. Back That Pass Up lost to Sticky Laces, which somehow helped Balls Deep jump up to the #2 seed, despite looking less than impressive for a month now, with a negative point differential to boot. The Mighty Drunks still can’t figure out what defense is, but if they do, they could win the whole thing. Just Joshing more than likely isn’t a contender, but they’re spry enough to pull off an upset. Sticky Laces and Dogg Pound ended up in the 8-9 seed game, as they both had a bit of a learning curve this season as new teams. 

#8 Sticky Laces (2-6) vs #9 Dogg Pound (1-7)

 

Points For: SL 18.63 (8th), DP 12.38 (9th)

Points Against: SL 23.38 (5th), DP 25.63 (6th)

TSL Rank: SL 40th, DP 46th

Last 3: SL 1-3, DP 1-3

Past Games: 27-10 DP

Line: Sticky Laces (-6)

 

A little bit of intrigue in the 8-9 matchup here, as Sticky Laces, coming off a 25-0 win over Back That Pass Up last week, should be a bit more favored over Dogg Pound, however, Dogg Pound beat the Laces in their meeting earlier in the year for their only win. Laces QB Kyle has had a bag of mixed results as he’s taken the reins for the team, and the results haven’t been that great, as they’re averaging under 19 points a game. The Sticky Laces defense has been pretty good, and kept them in a lot of games. As for Dogg Pound, they’ve also had a nice defense, and other than allowing 48 to the McMuffins, and 30 last week to BTPU, they’ve kept everyone else to 28 points or less. Not bad for a brand new team. Their issue is their offense as well, as they average a TSL low 12 points a game. This game promises to be a low scoring affair, with whoever’s defense makes more plays taking it. STICKY LACES BY 6

#1 Pit Harade (6-2) vs #8 Sticky Laces (2-6)

 

Points For: PH 27.75 (4th), SL 18.63 (8th)

Points Against: PH 18.63 (1st), SL 23.38 (5th)

TSL Rank: PH 7th, SL 40th

Last 3: PH 2-0, SL 1-3

Past Games: 33-6 PH

Line: Pit Harade (-10)

 

Pit Harade has had another excellent season as Joe K’s squad continues to impress in D6. Reigning D6 Female MVP Ray has shown back up as QB, and the results have been pretty good, other than a loss to the McMuffins. Tall Bearded Guy has had a fantastic season, seemingly scoring 3 TDs a game, and when he’s there with Sam Pezzino, well, there’s a reason they’ve only allowed less than 19 points a game. The other players on the team all have had highlights during the year, as another season has taught them how the game works a bit better. Sticky Laces could more than likely need a little more seasoning before making some noise next session. PIT HARADE BY 13

 

#2 Balls Deep (5-3) vs #7 Just Joshing (3-5)

 

Points For: BD 21.38 (7th), JJ 23.00 (6th)

Points Against: BD 22.25 (3rd), JJ 26.75 (7th)

TSL Rank: BD 10th, JJ 37th

Last 3: BD 2-1, JJ 1-2

Past Games: 40-38 BD

Line: Balls Deep (-3)

Balls Deep feels like the weakest option for the #2 seed, but they’ve earned it. They DO hold wins over Blitzkrieg, Back That Pass Up, and Pit Harade, so they aren’t slouches, but after starting with 3 wins over those teams, they’ve lost to the Mighty Drunks (not great), Sticky Laces (extra not great), they were shut out by the McMuffins (not great) and just barely pulled out a win over their opponent this week, Just Joshing (not good). They’ve seemed to have lost whatever was working for them earlier in the year. Their pretty good defense helps make up for an anemic offense, but if any of the better teams score 28 points (their averages range from 27.75-34.48), I can’t see Balls Deep keeping up. Just Joshing has done the “new team figuring things out quickly” version, and after a slow start they’ve been in games: they beat the McMuffins and just lost to Blitzkrieg so progress is being shown. A week after losing to Balls Deep by two points, they got them again. You know what they say, it’s hard to beat a team twice. JUST JOSHING BY 3

 

#3 Back That Pass Up (5-3) vs #6 Mighty Drunks (4-4)

 

Points For: BTPU 28.25 (3rd), MD 25.88 (5th)

Points Against: BTPU 27.25 (8th), MD 34.25 (9th)

TSL Rank: BTPU 12th, MD 33rd

Last 3: BTPU 3-1, MD 1-2

Past Games: 50-41 BTPU

Line: Back That Pass Up (-6)

 

Back That Pass Up continues to confound me. They lost to Balls Deep (meh), Pit Harade (okay), and Sticky Laces (not great). But they also have close wins over Blitzkrieg and the McMuffins. Alex D’s squad has continued to make strides this season (as is the theme for them since they came into the league), and having Alex Lee at QB is a great thing for them. The problem is that if Lee isn’t on his game, then BTPU is in trouble, as the defense isn’t great. Luckily, that won’t matter this week, as the Mighty Drunks have had an even more ridiculous season, sometimes being able to score 40 points with no issue, or getting shut out. They have the worst defense in the division by a large margin, and with BTPU being 2nd worst, expect to see another 50-41 game. BACK THAT PASS UP BY 9

 

#4 Blitzkrieg (5-3) vs #5 Sausage McMuffins (5-3)

 

Points For: BK 30.50 (2nd), SMM 34.38 (1st)

Points Against: BK 20.75 (2nd), SMM 23.25 (4th)

TSL Rank: BK 14th, SMM 15th

Last 3: BK 1-2, SMM 0-2

Past Games: 37-31 BK

Line: EVEN

 

It’s honestly a shame that these two teams have to play each other in the first round. D6’s two highest scoring teams (and two best Point Differential teams) take on each other in what is sure to be a classic matchup. While both of these teams should be playing on Championship Saturday, only one of them will make it there. Blitzkrieg was in first place for most of the season, as QB Alex has been dealing most of the year, and getting to add Allie back to his stable of really good females has been huge for BK. There’s been a disappointing absence of Light Red Hoodie Guy, but that shouldn’t take away from what’s been a great season for BK. The McMuffins have Alex throwing the ball even when he doesn’t always want to, but when you have a team that has Eric and Ricky out there, things are going to be okay. These two teams are so evenly matched, but I expect BK to slow down the McMuffins offense just enough to move on. BLITZKRIEG BY 3

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY: 

 

 

• What if we wear the same color as who we’re playing? Bring a different color then. Everyone should have their team bring the opposite color if you have the same as your opponent (You both wear black? Bring white.). I don’t think it’s a specific rule, but the higher seed SHOULD have color preference in these scenarios. Try to make it easier on everyone. 

 

 

 

• The field is set, who are the champions going to be? Always fun to predict, but I think we’ll be seeing Eyes Uptown, The Untouchaballs, The Malones, Cunning Stunts, Travis Henry’s Kids, and Blitzkrieg as champions this season. 

 

 

 

• Rank the #1 seeds in terms of how confident you are in them to win from most to least. Let’s see here. The Malones, Eyes Uptown, Cunning Stunts, GUCCI, Mavericks, Pit Harade

 

 

 

• Were there any upsets you were close to picking but chose not to? This season, I really went with a few upsets it seems. The only one I couldn’t pull the trigger on was Puckett beating The Untouchaballs. I know UT seems like they’re on fire with the win over ED, but Puckett is always magic in the playoffs, and UT has the worst offense (by points per game) in the division. Just feels like it COULD happen, but I can’t bet against the champs. 

 

 

 

• Who are your best “long shot” bets in each division? I’m going to try to choose people who aren’t the top contenders here for sure. In each division: Eyes Downtown (D1 is hard to do this for), Can’t Touch This (D2 is too), Let’s Get Reccked, Tater Tots, Not So Sticky, Mighty Drunks. 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

 

 

• Breakfast Club Playoffs: 

• Steph Infection 31, Breakfast Club (Trish’s Version) 28

• Dri’s Company 36, Mistymeanors 30

 

 

 

• Games of the Day:

• 10:00 - Jabronies vs Let’s Get Reccked

• 11:00 - Sticky Bandits vs Eyes Downtown

• 12:00 - Keller Whales vs Buffalo Vice

• 1:00 - Power Puff Girls vs Not So Sticky

• 2:00 - Blitzkrieg vs Sausage McMuffins

• 3:00 - Back That Pass Up vs Mighty Drunks

 

 

 

• THE WINE TOURNAMENT IS AUGUST 3RD AND SPOTS ARE FILLING UP! GET YOUR TEAM IN TODAY! 

 

 

 

• We all know that emotions are running high and hot when the Race For Social Co-Ed Football Immortality begins, so remind your team to keep themselves in check when it comes to the refs or even the other team. Don’t be jerks. 

 

 

 

• Buffalo has been hot all week, and Saturday is no different. My Super Accurate Weather Channel App says it’ll be 86 degrees, with the wind at 11 mph out of the south west. The point is, wear sunscreen, and hydrate, hydrate, hydrate!

 

 

 

• The three best teams for an upset that I didn’t name earlier: Practice Squad, Vaspian, Whoever ends up playing The Malones. 

 

 

 

• Be EARLY to your games this week. We don’t want playoff games to run late regardless, but if a game has to go to overtime, we don’t want to be running behind by 15 minutes BEFORE the OT game makes it longer. 

 

 

 

• If Sticky beats Eyes Downtown, you have to wonder if Bobby is going to start looking for a new rusher after the last month of disappointment. 

 

 

 

• After going 4-4 against D1, that D1/D2 combo next season is looking pretty competitive. If it happens. 

 

 

 

• That’s it. The Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality begins NOW. You’ve waited all season for this moment, go capture it. Don’t let it slip. Give everything you’ve got. 

 

 

Good luck. 

 

-GF OUT

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