The Playoff Predictions

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 21 June 2019 22:58

Published: Friday, 21 June 2019 22:58

Written by Patrick McGovern

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LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE TSL UNIVERSE:

 

The race for co-ed football immortality officially begins this weekend. That’s right, it’s the playoffs baby! Everything you’ve done on the field for the last two months? It means nothing. The regular season is just the pre-show for the main event. All you’ve accomplished during it was just for seeding purposes. That’s it. It doesn’t matter how many games you played shorthanded, or had bad weather for, or had B’s Brother in all of his glory on the sidelines distracting you as though you’ve seen an angel and couldn’t look away. As long as you stumbled to this week successful enough to have a game, you’ve done your job.

 

And now the real season begins.

 

This is what you play for. This is why you’re here. This is why you spent all of your offseason constructing the best possible rosters you can and coming up with game plans. Co-ed. Football. Immortality.

 

What happened before this, doesn’t matter. That was for fun. This is business. This is TSL football.

 

Before we get into the playoff games, let’s have a moment of silence and remember the teams that weren’t fortunate enough to get this far:

 

IN MEMORIAM:

 

Full Throttle (1-8) – A rough season for FT, finishing last in D4/R2. They ended up with the 7^th worst offense in the league, and tied for the 7^th worst defense in the league. (Oh you bet I’m ripping off the QB rankings’ awesome stats for this one). Their only win was against Puckett in Week 2. They had some close losses, but not enough to really say a few bounces get them into the playoffs.

 

Cobblestone (2-7) – Cobblestone finished 9^th in D4/R2. They were top 3 in worst defense and offense. It didn’t look great for most of the season. They started off 0-5. But then Darryl’s magic happened. They rattled off two straight wins and got back into playoff contention before losing to GLBS and on the last week, playing Buffalo Solar, they fought valiantly before succumbing to BSS 20-14 and missing the playoffs. The last half of the season should give them hope for the future.

 

HomeTech (2-7) – HomeTech made some strides this season. Besides being perhaps the only team in league history to score 1 point in a game, our friends here played a lot of close games. Of their 7 losses, FOUR of them were by less than a score (2, 2, 3, and 7) and of the 3 other losses, the two blowouts were to the gender teams, and well, everyone was getting blown out by them. There’s a lot of positives here. Their defense is playing well, they just need to work on their offense and they’ll be battling in the playoffs very soon.

 

Vandalay Industries (3-6) – What?!? You’re reading this correctly. Team Topper Jr. is missing the playoffs after finding themselves in that 3-6 shuffle in D5/R3 that had a four way tie for positions 6-9. Due to the weird Topper magic that breaks ties like that that I still don’t understand, we see that VI is on the outside looking in this season. We know who to blame: Non-Award Winning Tommy Hughes, who was hand picked by Topper to defeat the Angels for him, instead lost the game and they miss the playoffs now. (The real reason of course, is that the season went downhill when Karissa broke her collarbone, but it’s better to blame NAW Tommy. OMG CALLING HIM ‘NAW TOMMY’ IS GREAT. Did Non-Award-Winning Tommy Hughes win the Best Tommy Hughes award? NAW.) Anyway, it can be argued VI shouldn’t be missing the playoffs with the 13^th best offense in the league, but it seems that 5^th worst defense came to bite them. RIP friends.

 

Well, with those losers out of the way, let’s get to what really matters: The teams in contention to win the championships!

 

D1/C1:

 

To the surprise of absolutely nobody, Public Enemy (9-0) and Eyes Downtown (6-3) got the byes for this week of the playoffs. This might be ED’s worst season record-wise in a long time, but they missed Bobby way too much this season. As for this week’s matchups:

 

Marketing Mayors (6-3) vs 1 Todd Too Many (3-6)

 

Games this season:

Marketing Mayors 54, 1 Todd Too Many 18

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Marketing Mayors: 2^nd on offense, 3rd on defense

1 Todd Too Many: 6^th on offense, 6^th on defense

 

Marketing Mayors are the best team to be playing TSL football this week. Team Topper has rattled off some wins to end the season, and their 3-6 record is nothing to be ashamed of. They showed they can hang in this division, and perhaps next season will be even better if they decide to stay in D1. However, the stats don’t lie here and I’m not sure they’re capable of this kind of upset. MARKETING MAYORS BY 10.

 

#XTC@Angry Buffalo (3-6) vs Tight Ends In Motion (3-6)

 

Games this Season:

Tight Ends In Motion 39, #XTC@AB 23

 

Season Divisional Rankings:

#XTC@AB: 5^th on Offense, 5^th on Defense

Tight Ends In Motion: 3^rd on Offense, 2^nd on Defense

 

This battle of 3-6 teams isn’t nearly as even as their records suggest. Let’s face it, Tight Ends In Motion completely underperformed this season, and I’m sure there’s some formula somewhere that shows their win total should be around 5. But that’s what happens when you have to play “QB Carousel” for most of the season. Who starts at QB? Seth? Ricky? Alex? There’s growing concern that the latter may still be injured and just trying to ‘power through it’, which isn’t helping anyone. TEIM would be better served to have Seth or Ricky throwing. As for #XTC@AB, they’re playing some much better football in the second half of the season. Remember, this isn’t the same #XTC we’re used to, (they’re still lovely though) as they added a bunch of new players in an attempt to compete. And what of the Coach Jay vs Emily Curry narrative? They need to make a bet on this game. If I’m Coach Jay, my request is that if #XTC wins, Emily has to play with them next season. Imagine how much better #XTC would be with her in the lineup. And I don’t think she’d be against it either. But, for this game, assuming all of the players on each side show up: TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 8

 

D2/C2:

 

After a ridiculous season that saw Title Shot start out hot and had Bullet Club knock them off their pedestal,  we ended the season with Gryffindor (6-3) and A&A (5-4) getting the bye weeks. While some people are quietly complaining that the C1/C2 crossover games decided the divisional bye weeks here, and they’re kind of right, everyone has to play the schedule they’re given. Get tough.

 

Bullet Club (4-5) vs Money Ball (2-6)

 

Games this Season:

Money Ball 34, Bullet Club 23

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Bullet Club: 1^st on offense, 6^th on defense

Money Ball: 5^th on offense, 4^th on defense

 

Money Ball only had two wins in their inaugural season: one against a shorthanded Bullet Club, and another against a shorthanded Title Shot. New teams tend to struggle early on, so this isn’t a shock. MB has a lot of things going for it. Tim Dove’s brain, Radon’s veteran leadership and athleticism, Scott Pinto’s youth and athleticism, Kelly Sabo and Val Bernal’s all around awesomeness, and even their “unknowns” like Tony and Misty are very good football players that need more recognition. Putting it all together is another thing, of course. Bullet Club, as usual, struggled to put their starting roster together for a single game this season (Thanks to the disappearance of Jeff Easton. Seriously, Joe K and Gordon need to go check on him.) They got close to full strength last week, and were promptly power bombed through some tables by Batts and Burr 49-8 last week. BC has talent, and they know the game. Being smart helps them overcome a lack of overall team speed, but Money Ball possesses the right amount of both to give them fits. It’s all going to come down to Travis Clev$ and how well he QBs. If he can avoid the future Mrs. Clev$ sacking him this time around, and makes the plays that are given to him, BC should take this one. If they can’t? Look out for an upset. There’s no way Travis loses to Val twice in a season…right? BULLET CLUB BY 6

 

Energy Buff (3-5) vs Title Shot (3-6)

 

Games this Season:

Energy Buff 34, Title Shot 31

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Energy Buff: 4^th on offense, 3^rd on defense

Title Shot: 6^th on offense, 5^th on defense

 

When you look at Title Shot’s roster, you see the 2011 TSL All-Star team. Hell, you may even see the 2017 TSL Hall of Fame class (if we had one). When everyone showed up early in the season, Title Shot was 3-0 and looking like they were going to run away with the division. Since then, attendance issues has submarined a once promising season into a six game losing streak. Everyone has the “if we had all of our guys” questions, but I think Title Shot is the champion of this category. If we see everyone come to play, they should beat Energy Buff. But will they? Energy Buff was my preseason favorite to take the division championship, but some early season struggles derailed that train. However, they’ve been playing much better as of late, and they’re a sneaky “could still win the D2 title” pick. This game is going to be so dependent on who shows for TS though. ENERGY BUFF BY 7 IF NOBODY SHOWS FOR TITLE SHOT, TITLE SHOT BY 10 IF THEY DO.

 

D3/R1:

 

Well, enough with those boring divisions and onto the fun ones. D3/R1 doesn’t have any bye weeks. To win what is arguably TSL’s most interesting and competitive division, you’ll need to win 3 games. Good luck to everyone involved in this mess.

 

All We Do Is Quinn (7-1-1) vs Ultimate Warriors (1-8)

 

Games this Season:

All We Do Is Quinn 31, Ultimate Warriors 25

All We Do Is Quinn 45, Ultimate Warriors 22

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

All We Do Is Quinn: 3^rd on Offense, 1^st on Defense

Ultimate Warriors: 7^th on Offense, 8^th on Defense

 

Quinn was the wire to wire leader in the division, and man were they impressive in doing so. Vince Taverna has done his best to become a household name while the usual suspects like Mike Rawdin, Joe Schwab, and Cat Peters have done more than their fair share of the work this season. Quinn is showing the league how it’s supposed to be done. Start in a low division, work together and figure it out for a few years, and then move up together and win. The Ultimate Warriors had a season they just wanted to forget. They DID finally win a game, which is awesome, but it’s the games that they let slip away that will haunt them. However, T, Sam, and company are proven playoff performers who have caused upsets in the past. Ask 3^rd and Schlong. I don’t think they’re going to catch Quinn sleeping though. AWDIQ is on a mission, and it’ll show this week. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 13

 

Slytherin That End Zone (5-3-1) vs Morning Wood (2-6-1)

 

Games this Season:

Slytherin That End Zone 27, Morning Wood 16

Slytherin That End Zone 36, Morning Wood 36

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

SITE: 2^nd on Offense, 2^nd on Defense

Morning Wood: 8^th on Offense, 5^th on Defense

 

This is the one team I think SITE did NOT want to see. Morning Wood took SITE to the limit in their last contest, tying 36-36. SITE was one of the league’s hottest teams at the time, as QB Matt Newman was slinging it the only way he knew how. But then, somehow, SITE’s defense fell apart against MW in a game they had to win if they had hopes of winning the division. Clearly, that’s gone now. The problem I have with Morning Wood is that that tie might have been their best shot at a big win this season. Their offense, sadly, is very lacking, and SITE’s defense is very good. I can’t imagine a world where SITE’s defense lets that happen again. I’d expect to see more of the 27-16 game than the 36-36 tie. SLYTHERIN THAT END ZONE BY 9

 

Frodo Swaggins (5-3-1) vs Sticky Bandits (3-4-2)

 

Games this Season:

Sticky Bandits 44, Frodo Swaggins 21

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Frodo Swaggins: 1^st on Offense, 6^th on Defense

Sticky Bandits: 6^th on Offense, 4^th on Defense

 

The 3-4-2 you see next to Sticky Bandits isn’t their soccer defense, no, it’s actually their record this season. Sticky hasn’t been, well, Sticky this season. A big reason has been the injury to QB Alex Buchilis, but Mike Thomas has been reliable as a backup. Something just felt off about Sticky this whole season, and perhaps “real life” got in the way too much this time around. Things like marriages, injuries, vacations, etc. kept Sticky bringing a different roster each week. Hell, even Jeff Krol missed a game, which was once thought to be one of the signs of the Apocalypse…the jury is still out on if it was or not. Garrett Beesing was overheard this week saying that the one team Frodo didn’t want to face was Sticky. While the teams have gone opposite directions since the 44-21 Sticky win early in the season, Garrett knows just how good the Bandits can be when they’re at full strength. They’re one of the smartest teams in all of co-ed football, just this season seemed to be more of a problem with execution than knowing what to do. Swaggins has been one of the league’s hottest teams as QB Scotty Drosendahl (We learned a new name!) has been lights out. Beesing is reclaiming past glories as he hobbles into the twilight of his career. Josh Schnieder is still the best TSL player you don’t know about. And it really seems like the trade at the deadline for Emily Schilling was the right move. Don’t sleep on Sarah Hunt though. Maybe I’m a softee for one of the league’s longer tenured teams, but this is the upset people will be talking about at the bar this week. Thing is, it really isn’t an upset at all. STICKY BANDITS BY 4

 

Peachy Platoon (5-4) vs 3^rd And Schlong (4-3-2)

 

Games this Season:

3^rd And Schlong 36, Peachy Platoon 34

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

3^rd and Schlong: 4^th on Offense, 7^th on Defense

Peachy Platoon: 5^th on Offense, 3^rd on Defense

 

This is one hell of a 4-5 matchup, and it might the one to watch all day. These teams are very evenly matched, as the rankings show, and even the game they played shows too. 3AS did have the luck to play Peachy after they already played a game, so we’ll have to see how a fresh Platoon fares against them this time around. 3^rd and Schlong was thought to be rocketing up the league’s divisions, but it appears the D3/R1 is the correct home for them. As much as we love Scott Sr, it’s seeming like this is as far as that magical, 83 year old arm can take 3AS. Both teams are going to score, but honestly it feels like Dean Thompson can pull off one more score to take this one. PEACHY PLATOON BY 1

 

D4/R2:

 

This division was pretty much all End Game this season. Uncle Rico’s was the “hot thing” for a minute before No Punt Intended put out that fire (more on that in a minute). The bottom of the standings was exciting for the last few weeks, as Puckett, Cobblestone, and Full Throttle all battled to get in. Lots of fun matchups for the first week here.

 

End Game (8-1) vs Puckett All-Stars (3-6)

 

Games this Season:

End Game 41, Puckett All-Stars 37

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

End Game: 1^st on Offense, 1^st on Defense

Puckett All-Stars: 5^th on Offense, 5^th on Defense

 

The seasonal ranks for Puckett tell me that they’ve been the recipients of some really bad luck this season. They’re much better than your average 8^th seed, that’s for sure. Puckett really brought End Game to the limit last time around, and unfortunately for them, it’s made End Game more aware of them this time. End Game has been just so good this season that they’ll be in D3 next year regardless of how the playoffs go for them. Losing Emily meant nothing to them, and Steph Czaja and Co easily replaced her. I hear they have good guys too. They have the best defense in the entire league, and the 7^th best offense. They just dominated, and they should continue that this weekend. END GAME BY 6

 

GLBS (6-3) vs Indecent Exposure (4-5)

 

Games this Season:

GLBS 35, Indecent Exposure 12

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

GLBS: 7^th on Offense, 2^nd on Defense

Indecent Exposure: 4^th on Offense, 6^th on Defense

 

More than just 2 games really separate these teams. GLBS burst onto the scene, led by Glenn Bird and Rachel Parker. While this team struggles a bit still to score tons on offense, their defense is incredible and hard to beat. Indecent Exposure has had a season I’d bet they’d like to forget. A sub .500 record and a few tough losses just isn’t what we’ve been accustomed to seeing from them. Captain Laura needs to get the squad focused as we head into the playoffs. Sadly for IE, I see a bit of a replay of the regular season matchup here. GLBS BY 10

 

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (6-3) vs No Punt Intended (5-4)

 

Games this Season:

No Punt Intended 50, Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 43

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Uncle Rico’s: 3^rd on Offense, 4^th on Defense

No Punt Intended: 6^th on Offense, 8^th on Defense

 

If you weren’t paying attention this season, you missed Uncle Rico’s start self-promoting themselves a bit, only to have the game against NPI in hand before getting cocky and not running the clock down. What happened was one of TSL’s biggest last second mistakes, as URTT threw an interception with time running out, and NPI won as the clock was expiring. We haven’t heard much from Uncle Rico’s since that day. Rumor is that Jon Senn put his team on a hush order so that they wouldn’t jinx themselves anymore. NPI has been up and down all season, which is never a good recipe for playoff success. To be honest, Uncle Rico’s is most likely out for blood, and to right the wrongs of their past. This is a BIG game for them, and while NPI may be game for this one as well, look for Uncle Rico’s to finish what they started a few weeks ago. UNCLE RICO’S TIME TRAVELERS BY 3

 

Buffalo Solar Solutions (5-4) vs Hung Buffalo (5-4)

 

Games this Season:

Buffalo Solar Solutions 44, Hung Buffalo 27

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Buffalo Solar Solutions: 2^nd on Offense, 7^th on Defense

Hung Buffalo: 8^th on Offense, 3^rd on Defense

 

Both of these teams have had interesting seasons. Buffalo Solar Solutions was one of my picks to win the division in the preseason, and for a time, they made me look brilliant. And then, they didn’t. But, they got it together before the end of the season. Hung Buffalo meanwhile started a little slow but came on very strong before the wheels fell off. These two teams just met in Week 7, and I don’t think too much has changed for either squad. Hung Buffalo has put up single digit points in 3 of their last 4 games, and I don’t think their defense is as good as the numbers say. This will be closer than last time, but I predict: BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 10

 

D5/R3:

 

Gender teams rule. We know this. Matty’s Angels murdered the division. Cunning Stunts were extremely good as well. Ugandan Warriors are very good as well. These teams are all above the rest in the division. The rest of the teams saw the middle tier stay in the middle (Come From Behind and Pink Pteratacos) and then after that it was bedlam the last couple of weeks. Let’s look at the matchups:

 

Matty’s Angels (9-0) vs Five Star Generals (3-6)

 

Games this Season:

Matty’s Angels 54, Five Star Generals 46

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Matty’s Angels: 1^st on Offense (and in the Universe), 9^th on Defense

Five Star Generals: 5^th on Offense, 10^th on Defense

 

Not too long after looking like perhaps the worst team in the division the Generals earned a playoff spot. Their reward is the wrecking ball that is Matty’s Angels, who may have set scoring records if we really paid attention to that sort of thing. The knock on the Angels this whole season has been just how horrible their defense has been. They allow the third most points in the entire league, but there’s a problem for Five Star here. The only two teams worse than Matty’s Angels at defense are Cobblestone and, well, the Five Star Generals. What happens when the greatest offense takes on the worst defense? Well, we’ve all seen the Buffalo Bills play the New England Patriots right? Five Star hung close last time, but I’m not entirely sure they can run with the girls again. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 14

 

Cunning Stunts (7-2) vs Hope N Ruin (3-6)

 

Games this Season:

Cunning Stunts 43, Hope N Ruin 26

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Cunning Stunts: 2^nd on Offense, 2^nd on Defense

Hope N Ruin: 6^th on Offense, 7^th on Defense

 

Tell me if you’ve heard of this scenario before: Hope N Ruin has to play a gender team in the playoffs. Just about everyone assumes the gender team will smack HNR around. Hope N Ruin beats that gender team and ruins everyone’s gambling parlays that week. I never know how to properly gauge scenarios like this. Everything says the Stunts should win: they’ve already beaten HNR. They have a QB in Joey Batts that, for real, is one of the hottest in the TSL as of late. They’re much better than HNR on offense AND defense. And yet, this game is a toss up. It’s hard to defeat trends and history. If I were betting, I wouldn’t touch this one at all. HOPE N RUIN BY 2

 

Ugandan Warriors (6-3) vs Over Compensators (3-6)

 

Games this Season:

Ugandan Warriors 33, Over Compensators 7

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Ugandan Warriors: 3^rd on Offense, 1^st on Defense

Over Compensators: 9^th on Offense, 6^th on Defense

 

Blasé LaDuca has sadly become the “little brother” to the gender teams. Sure, he wishes he could be like his big brothers Matt and Joey, but he’s just not quite there yet. Ugandan hasn’t really lost a step all season, and they deserve a lot more credit than they’re getting for how they played this season. Drama aside, they’ve put together a defense that can stop just about everyone. The Over Compensators aren’t exactly playing the role of “happy to be here”, but I think even they are a little surprised that they ended up as the 6^th seed. While they aren’t too bad on defense, it’s the offense that’s their problem. They’re 9^th in the division on offense (they have the 11^th worst offense in the league) and they’re going up against the best defense in the division (Top 5 in the league). I can’t see a way that the OC can score enough to take this one from the Warriors. UGANDAN WARRIORS BY 14

 

Come From Behind (5-4) vs Pink Pteratacos (4-5)

 

Games this Season:

Come From Behind 24, Pink Pteratacos 14

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Come From Behind: 7^th on Offense, 5^th on Defense

Pink Pteratacos: 8^th on Offense, 3^rd on Defense

 

Another 4-5 matchup that has two teams that are very closely matched with each other. Come From Behind has been hot lately. They only lost to the Angels by 5, and they beat Ugandan last week. Not to mention they just defeated the Pteratacos in Week 6. The Pteratacos, meanwhile, have been on a 4 game losing streak to end the season after starting it with such promise (they were 4-1 at one point). Mark needs to get his head out of wedding planning, and back into game planning it seems. I’m going to play the trends here though, and I think we’ll see a close game, but COME FROM BEHIND BY 1

 

D6/R4:

 

Nothing shocking here. Jabronies and Practice Squad were the class of this division, and they both took home the bye weeks. Shout out to The Bambs, who were nice enough to accommodate The Bi-Polar Express and agree to play this week’s game at 9:00am next week. Sportsmanship! That means we only have one game this week.

 

TMA (4-4-1) vs pAssless Chaps (3-6)

 

Games this Season:

TMA 37, pAssless Chaps 9

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

TMA: 5^th on Offense, 5^th on Defense

pAssless Chaps: 4^th on Offense, 6^th on Defense

 

TMA didn’t have their best season. A lot of inconsistencies on both sides of the ball, a lack of Ron, and not enough Ferger at WR may have made this season one to forget. But there were some good times for sure, and one of those times was the Week 3 37-9 victory against the Chaps where everything went right, the moonshine was flowing, and everyone was happy. Well, looks like the Chaps may be the cure for what ails TMA. Except that Coach Jay and Company have been quietly playing some good football lately, including a win against Practice Squad. TMA is on the downswing and the Chaps are on the upswing, and I think this game is going to be closer than anyone realizes. But I DO expect the entire TMA roster to be there, and when they are, they’re tough to beat. I don’t forsee the Chaps pulling this out, but they’re making a lot of progress, just as Coach Jay wanted. TMA BY 7

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

1.      Who is going to get banned from the bar first? We ask you guys nicely, again and again, not to bring your own alcohol to the fields and yet you still do it. Look, we understand that the bar doesn’t hook us up like they used to when Second Shift Dave Walter was there, but if the bar bans you from the premises WE CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. Don’t be stupid.

 

2.      Will we see overtime? As you all know, the TSL doesn’t have OT in the regular season, we just end in a tie. BUT IN THE PLAYOFFS, we definitely do, and it’ll be awesome to see if those rules have to come into effect or not. The refs have been briefed on the rules, and if you have any questions please go find Rameer and ask him.

 

3.      Which high seed will fall this week? The TSL playoffs almost NEVER go “chalk”, and this year feels like no exception. Some prime candidates: #6 Sticky Bandits beating #3 Frodo Swaggins, #6 Money Ball beating #3 Bullet Club, #6 No Punt Intended beating #3 Uncle Rico’s, and #7 Hope N Ruin beating #2 Cunning Stunts, and #8 Puckett All-Stars over #1 End Game. Bad time to be a 3 seed.

 

4.      What will be the popular excuse for losing teams? As of now the weather looks like it’s going to be 71 degrees and sunny! Not much wind, so can’t blame that. It’s the playoffs so you better have your horses there. Refereeing? Probably. Yeah, that will be the one. Seriously, if you lose, own your loss and don’t blame anyone else.

 

5.      What are you doing after the games? This is serious. Topper is a great human being (sort of) and he’s skating in the 11 Day Power Play this year. He’s playing from like midnight until 3am one of these days, so we won’t be able to watch him get hurt. But there IS a happy hour to raise money his team this Saturday from 5:00-7:00pm at the Lockhouse Distillery. Its FREE to go there, and there should be some really cool raffle prizes. Go support the man that just bought you a damn ice cream truck for a day. Ingrates.

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

1.      Lenny Day has come and gone. By all accounts, it was an awesome time. Everyone was smiling, we saw some familiar faces show up, and ice cream was had. The only thing that could’ve made it better was 40 Year Plan Guy and Katie Keller getting married on Field 1 (even to pretend) while Topper was the priest. Lenny would’ve wanted that, but Katie was too selfish to make it happen.

 

 

2.      Breakfast Club Semi-Finals (TOPPER’S ODD YEAR REIGN HAS ENDED!): Hot TaMolly’s 36 – Bern Them All 22, Schilling ‘Em Softly 27 – EmC HammerTime 20.

 

3.      The People are clamoring for the TSL podcast to make it’s glorious return. From what my insiders say, it’s actually going to happen starting next season. Look out world!

 

4.      I really hope that we take this season and use it to make the divisions in the Fall. There were a few teams that were out of place and need to move up and others that need to move down. We’ll be constantly tweaking the divisions for sure. If you win your division, you’re going up.

 

 

5.      Speaking of next season, with the earlier start (We’re starting in August this time instead of waiting too long in order to avoid snow games in November), there’s a chance that we may see Breakfast Club (Or perhaps Dinner Club) make its Fall debut.

 

6.      Another engagement! Congrats to Ben Stack and Kate Miano of Energy Buff on their recent engagement. That’s super awesome, and it seems they got a puppy out of the deal too.  If you want to get married on the fields with B’s Brother or Topper officiating, we can make it happen.

 

7.      I’d like to really thank The Rant, The Sentinel, and especially the QB Power Rankings for everything they’ve done this season. It was again, awesome, what they’ve brought to this league this season. I know I’ve done it before, but they deserve to hear it again.

 

 

8.      Every game is “must watch” in the playoffs, but here’s the places to be each hour:

a.      10:00 – Field 2 - #3 Bullet Club vs #6 Money Ball

b.      11:00 – Field 1 - #3 Frodo Swaggins vs #6 Sticky Bandits

c.       12:00 – Field 1 - #4 #XTC@AB vs #5 Tight Ends In Motion

d.      1:00 – Field 2 - #4 Peachy Platoon vs #5 3^rd And Schlong

e.      2:00 – Field 1 - #1 Matty’s Angels vs #8 Five Star Generals

 

9.      Thank you to all of you that took the time out this season to email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. this season. It really helped a ton with knowing who the hell some of these new players are.

 

10.   This is very simple. You worked hard all season to get to this point. Play hard, but play clean. Don’t throw a fit. Don’t blame anyone if you lose. Hold yourself accountable. But above all else: have fun.

 

 

And of course, don’t forget to wear your sunscreen. Go get ‘em.

Week 7 Thoughts, Picks & Advice

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 07 June 2019 12:49

Published: Friday, 07 June 2019 12:49

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 4658

 

It was supposed to be a nice, easy Saturday for me.

 

The winds were light, about 5 MPH, coming from the southwest. Things are little wet, but the temperature was in the 70s. I had absolutely nothing going on in Des Moines, Iowa for once. My life is busy you know, there’s more to it than just being the World’s Greatest Social Co-Ed Football Writer. I was going to have a nice, quiet “Me” Day. I fired up the smoker with my Hickory wood chunks, and got ready to slow cook a nice rack of ribs while I just relaxed.

 

And then, my phone went off. “No big deal” I thought, and I ignored it. And then another one. And another one. Before I knew it, my phone was lighting up non-stop. And why? Well, a lot of my friends at the TSL were informing me of a “happening” that was taking place. The way my phone reacted you’d have thought Lenny Alba had shown up to the fields and was passing out the thousands of friendship bracelets he’d been working on “this whole time”.

 

But no! Instead, we had a fight. A freaking fight. I received MULTIPLE accounts of the situation. I was fired up, and I wanted to just fly to Buffalo to smack the sense into some people. I still do, to a degree. But its later in the week now, and suspensions have been handed out. Good on Topper for showing the league that regardless of what you think you know, its never okay to abuse the officials.

 

No, I don’t know if the ‘Wet Bandit’ (not to be confused with Sticky) spit in our ref’s face on purpose or if it was just spray from his gums flapping 3 inches away. But here’s what I DO know: If you’re going to be that much of a jerk that you have to be IN A REF’S FACE SCREAMING DURING A SOCIAL CO-ED FOOTBALL LEAGUE GAME THAT’S SUPPOSED TO BE FOR FUN, you need to re-evaluate your life. If you’re going to get that close to someone to yell and be that much of a jerk that a person thought you DID spit on them, and you get beat up for it? You need to re-evaluate your life. If, after the fact, a good chunk of my messages were from other refs sharing their experiences and letting me know other times you were a jerk on the field and they had to warn you to calm down, kick you off the field for the series, or anything else? YOU NEED TO RE-EVALUATE YOUR LIFE. There’s a reason TMA, probably the BEST group of people in the TSL on one team (Seriously, look at this roster of beauties: Ferger, Brent, Web, Drunk Meg, the other Val, the other other Bernal, There’s that Rich guy that’s super cool but people don’t even know him, I’m going to ignore saying Prim or Rameer here because it doesn’t fully support my narrative, and there’s like 15 other cool people on their roster that show up every week) kicked you off of their team, and it was all about your on field attitude. It’s GARBAGE, and if you think anyone feels sorry for you outside of the Ugandan Warriors locker room: They don’t. Re-evaluate your life.

 

I’m not using his name because he doesn’t deserve the press. But, in fairness, I will say that I did get messages about him being a really good guy off the field, and they’re from sources I trust. So I guess you need to re-evaluate your on field persona. There’s a problem when a league of 600+ amazing human beings who treat each other (mostly) like family universally kind of go “Oh it was him? Well, I’m not surprised.” This isn’t the place for that attitude. You have some time to think, so do it.

 

No, this doesn’t excuse the referee from fighting. He made his mistakes too, and he was punished for his actions as well. But, 100% of the TSLers polled about this scenario all agreed that if someone was screaming in their face and they thought said person spit on them, well, they’d do the exact same thing. The situation NEVER should’ve gotten to that point. Again, its NEVER okay for any TSLer to get up in a ref’s face and SCREAM at them. Our referees donate part of their Saturdays to make sure that we continue to have the best league in WNY, and they don’t have to be there. It isn’t just a case of “we can find more refs easily” either. Rameer works hard to set up that schedule, and he has to re-do it twice weekly it seems. It isn’t as easy as you think. Just because you give them $20 doesn’t mean they work for you. Treat them with respect. (Except for Garbacz. Do what you want with that guy.)

 

With that out of the way, WELCOME TO WEEK 7 OF THE TSL SPRING 2019 SEASON!

 

There’s actually some exciting stuff happening in the league this time around! I’m going to give a shout out right now to an email I received from one of my informants that he (or she) forwarded to me with some super exciting news:

 

The Ultimate Warriors have made the switch. Starting at QB will be Samantha Lattuca, the Icebox, the face of the franchise no matter what their name has been. This is huge news! I love it! Straight from the mouth (hands?) of her husband T, “2 weeks ago she came in at halftime down 18 and tied the game. If she would’ve started we would’ve won as the other QB (myself) threw 3 bad picks that turned into scores.” This is fun stuff. He would also go on to point out that the other QB (named “Shane”) is the Ultimate Warriors’ fastest receiver and immediately gives Sam her best weapon. Yes, the Ultimate Warriors are 0-7. It hasn’t been the greatest season in terms of record, but they’ve still kept games close. On the other side of the field? All We Do Is Quinn. Well, nothing like trial by fire I guess! As of now, this is a first round playoff matchup. The Warriors could catch Morning Wood with two wins by season’s end, but I don’t think they will. Quinn could bomb out and lose first place, but I don’t think they will. So here’s hoping Sam can figure out the Quinn defenses and maybe even pull off the upset. If not here, maybe in the playoffs? We can only hope! Good luck Sam, I think everyone will be rooting for you!

 

The D1/D2 (C1/C2) crossover games start this week! Topper, in an effort to give teams someone else to play (those 6 team divisions can get a repetitive schedule wise), created this week to give these teams some fun. It’s also a nice way to show if the gap between the divisions is as wide as some of these scared-y cats in D2/C2 act like it is. Should be a fun litmus test for sure.

We’re getting closer and closer to the playoffs and every game counts. Who’s going to step it up in Week 7?

My normal games format isn’t really going to work for the crossover games, and I can’t really make official lines and predictions. But I’ll make the prediction that C2 teams will win at LEAST two of the games. But which ones? Let’s see: 

 

Public Enemy vs Bullet Club – Two teams of a lot of friends (and some maybe not so friends) come together to play a game that will absolutely have a lot of trash talking, drinking, hugs, and thoughts about Lenny. This game was originally supposed to be more for fun (I think there was talk about having a Tommy Hughes vs Gordon at QB matchup) but the Public Enemy 17 game winning streak has added a bit more spice to it. PE doesn’t want to lose the streak, and there’s nothing BC would like more than to be the ones that did it. Low chance to be the D2 upset here.

 

Tight Ends in Motion vs A&A – A very fun matchup between Emily Curry and Matty Ice is on the docket here as TEIM and A&A face off in what could be a close matchup if A&A actually gets their full roster to show up. Word is that JZ still won’t be available for A&A, so that actually helps them in this game. If Matty can solve the TEIM defense a few times, look out. Good chance for a D2 upset.

 

Marketing Mayors vs Money Ball – Electric Blue vs More Electric Pink. Wear your sunglasses if you’re going to watch this one. Money Ball has a 2-4 record in C2 and they got the unlucky draw of having to play the Mayors. We aren’t sure if the “Have Scott Pinto throw the ball as far as he can so Radon can go get it” offense is going to work as well against names like “Andy Smith”, but hey lets see how it goes. Low chance for the D2 upset.

 

1 Todd Too Many vs Energy Buff – The biggest question is going to be which team will NOT wear grey? Team Topper has fallen on hard times, but a game against Energy Buff could be what the doctor ordered. While EB has been much better as of late, with QB Tommy getting rid of his sleeves and figuring out the TSL game, that doesn’t mean they’ll run right by 1TTM. High chance for the D2 upset.

 

Eyes Downtown vs Title Shot – Eyes Downtown has Bobby back and is rolling. Title Shot was missing some people last week and it cost them, even with Dubey showing up. I know ED is fuming over their missed opportunity to break the PE streak last week, and I can’t see them losing against a Title Shot team that seems to be out of sorts last weekend. Low chance for the D2 upset.

 

#XTC@Angry Buffalo vs Gryffindor – These two squads have been both playing some good football as of late, and I think we may actually see a very competitive game here. Gryffindor was almost called up to D1/C1 before the season and #XTC@AB was almost sent down to D2/C2. It’s going to be fun to see this game, and it might be the best one of the bunch. Good chance for the D2 upset.

 

If I’m getting my prediction right of two D2/C2 wins, my best bets are probably the Gryffindor/Energy Buff parlay. I can still get decent odds on it.

 

 

D1/C1:

 

Last Week’s Scores:

Public Enemy 34, Eyes Downtown 25

Marketing Mayors 21, Tight Ends In Motion 12

#XTC@Angry Buffalo 22, 1 Todd Too Many 16

 

The Ladder Match positional round didn’t give us any upsets here, but we did get three close games. Public Enemy and Eyes Downtown actually gave us THE GAME we were hoping for a few weeks ago, but it makes sense that Bobby’s return was the catalyst for the whining, complaining, hard playing game from both of these teams. Marketing Mayors was having some trouble solving that great defense of TEIM, but Tight Ends struggled to move the ball and score and that’s going to be their biggest problem come playoff time. #XTC@AB has been improving weekly, and it shows, but their only wins have come against Team Topper. Team Topper, meanwhile, has been playing some close games but they just can’t quite figure out how to finish them off with a win. I don’t forsee the playoff standings looking too much different than they do now. The most interesting race is going to be who gets the second bye week for the playoffs: Marketing Mayors or Eyes Downtown? Funny we should say that…

 

Eyes Downtown vs Marketing Mayors (+3) – Let’s find out! This game is pretty big as I just mentioned for these two teams and their playoff spot. The winner will be in the driver’s seat to get the bye in the playoffs, while the loser is on track to play Topper in the first round. Maybe there are no losers here? This should be an excellent game. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 3

 

D2/C2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Bullet Club 40, Title Shot 14

Gryffindor 32, Money Ball 14

A&A 27, Energy Buff 20

Money Ball 43, Title Shot 27

Energy Buff 30, A&A 23

 

It was a rough week for Title Shot, as they lost games to the division leaders and the last place team. Dubey was there, but they were missing people for both games (and they weren’t the same people either). The Energy Buff-A&A doubleheader gave us two close games where I wasn’t surprised to see these two split. Energy Buff is really coming on at the right time before the playoffs. I’m going to keep saying that until they fall apart. I believe in them! Money Ball is starting to live and die by the long ball. Yes, Radon is fast and talented and handsome. I get throwing deep to him a lot is alluring. But you’re not going to win in the playoffs by doing that stuff constantly. Bullet Club continued to hold the division lead by blowing out Title Shot, but they aren’t without their issues. They’re mostly roster related of course, and the lack of continuity week to week has yet to have them put together a complete game. Gryffindor is really finding their groove as well. They aren’t just winning, they’re scoring a lot. They’re peaking at just the right time, and Joey Batts is one of the hottest QBs in the league right now. This division is honestly up for grabs when it comes to the playoff byes. Bullet Club and A&A have them currently, but one slip up can really hurt any team’s chances. Every game in this division is a big one.

 

D3/R1:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Peachy Platoon 35, All We Do Is Quinn 24

3^rd and Schlong 36, Peachy Platoon 34

Slytherin That End Zone 46, Frodo Swaggins 36

Sticky Bandits 32, Morning Wood 30

Slytherin That End Zone 27, Sticky Bandits 16

 

So what we’ve essentially learned is that we know nothing at all, except that Morning Wood is a continual disappointment and Dave deserves better. Peachy vs Quinn was everything we wanted it to be and more: entertaining for sure, close game, big plays. There was a nice contingent of fans on hand for this one as well. The main reason Peachy won this game is because their tall guy with long hair and a headband was better than Quinn’s. These types of things win football games. So Peachy established division dominance for about an hour, and then 3^rd and Schlong came along and reminded the TSL just exactly who the hell they are. Yes, Peachy just played their most emotionally exhausting game of the season and 3AS took advantage of it, but they showed they’re in the thick of things. Oh hold on, who the hell is 5-2? Oh, its SITE. SITE had the biggest weekend of all these teams last week, quieting the doubters with an impressive win over Frodo Swaggins, and then sticking the proverbial fork in Sticky Bandits at 3:00. All of a sudden, SITE and 3AS are our two hottest teams in the division, but after Saturday, who the hell knows anymore?

 

All We Do Is Quinn vs Ultimate Warriors (+10) – Yes, Sam is playing QB. But she’s playing a team that just tasted defeat for the first time and they’re going to be focused to get back on the winning track. The people’s choice is for the upset, but I don’t see it. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 13

 

Slytherin That End Zone vs Morning Wood (+7) – SITE is very hot, and MW is very not right now. Historically, that means that Morning Wood should win 35-20 somehow. However SITE is playing with a chip on their shoulder, and they’re not a fluke. SLYTHERIN THAT ENDZONE BY 10

 

3^rd And Schlong vs Sticky Bandits (+10) – Sticky just isn’t the Sticky we know and love. I’m not sure what the deal is there. 3^rd and Schlong’s mission to win the D3/R1 title that started last Fall has been a forgotten storyline with all of the other things going on in this division. Don’t forget about them. 3^RD AND SCHLONG BY 7

 

Peachy Platoon vs Frodo Swaggins (+6) – Peachy’s biggest problem is that while they can score, they still struggle on defense. If they ever figure that part of the game out, look out world. The problem with Frodo is that while they can score, they struggle mightily on defense. Oh boy. Two good offenses vs Two not so good defenses. The Over/Under is 60.5. Take the over. PEACHY PLATOON BY 3

 

D4/R2

 

Last Week’s Games:

No Punt Intended 39, Full Throttle 38

Cobblestone 37, Puckett All-Stars 36

End Game 43, Hung Buffalo 8

 

Two amazing games, and one rude awakening for Hung Buffalo. That’s what we saw in D4/R2 action last week. NPI continued their hot streak, but they ESCAPED Full Throttle, who gave it their best shot for sure. Multiple reports came in about “they had this one girl who was open in the end zone all of the time. She seems like a future star!”. Good work unnamed girl I don’t know! Maybe Lou or Luke can email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and tell me who she is. Cobblestone won! They played Puckett hard and they ended up getting a late go ahead score. Darryl’s magic is increasing, and Cobblestone is now in the playoffs instead of being on the outside looking in. Great to see that. End Game, we see you. You did what you’ve been doing all season and you smacked down another would be challenger to your divisional dominance. End Game’s defense is disgusting, and they may just walk to the championship without allowing any points. Seriously, take a look at the QB Power Rankings article. It has lots of awesome graphs and charts that show End Game is blowing away the competition. Uncle Rico’s either had the week off, or they just quit the league altogether after blowing that NPI game a few weeks ago. Just kidding, their wounds are properly healed and I expect them to come out in full force. There’s going to be a lot of positioning for playoffs in these next two weeks. I can’t even fathom how it’ll shake out.

 

Cobblestone vs Full Throttle (+1) – I had to make Cobblestone the favorite! They’re fresh off a big win and Full Throttle is fresh off another heartbreaking loss. This game means EVERYTHING for the playoffs. It’s essentially a playoff game. The winner is more than likely in, the loser is more than likely out. COBBLESTONE BY 3

 

Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Hung Buffalo (EVEN) – I don’t know what happened to Hung Buffalo last week. I don’t know what’s happened to BSS the last few weeks. What I do know is that both of these teams really need this win. These two teams are both very similar in points scores, points allowed, and record. While they’ll both make the playoffs, they both need to get themselves on the right track and it’ll be fun to see who does it. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 1

 

GLBS vs Cobblestone (+8) – As awesome as Cobblestone’s win was last week, reality will come back to haunt them here. GLBS may be a bit out of sorts but hopefully the week off had them reset. What I do know is that Cobblestone struggles to score, and GLBS doesn’t allow anyone to score. Might be a tough game for Darryl. GLBS BY 14

 

Indecent Exposure vs Puckett All-Stars (+10) – IE was off last weekend, while Puckett was on the receiving end of a finishing blow from Cobblestone. Puckett might just be running for the bus to get this season overwith. INDECENT EXPOSURE BY 7

 

Hung Buffalo vs Puckett All-Stars (+10) – Same as the game above, but this time Hung Buffalo is here with a little more urgency to win after losing last week. I’m sorry Puckett. HUNG BUFFALO BY 13

 

End Game vs Indecent Exposure (+8) – Here’s a fun game! Indecent Exposure gets their chance to see how they measure up to the best team in the division. IE is smart enough on offense to be able to solve the defense that End Game has been giving teams, but will they be able to force a turnover or two to pull it out? I think it’ll be close, but ultimately End Game prevails. END GAME BY 3

 

 

D5/R3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

HomeTech 33, Hope N Ruin 26

Matty’s Angels 51, Ugandan Warriors 43

Over Compensators 28, Five Star Generals 24

Vandalay Industries 32, Over Compensators 26

Come From Behind 24, Pink Pteratacos 14

 

The big one, of course, is how Matty’s Angels defeated Ugandan Warriors in a very good matchup. Matty’s scored the go ahead touchdown with about 28 seconds left (depending on who you ask anyway) to break the tie, and stay undefeated in the division. Come From Behind got a nice win against the Pteratacos that pulled them even with PP for some playoff positioning. Vandalay also kept pace with their win over the OC. The mid-tier teams in this division are very close. HomeTech wins! HomeTech Wins! They upset Hope N Ruin, who is just having a terrible season for their own standards. The win move HT into the playoffs, leaving the Over Compensators and the team they just defeated for their own first win, the Five Star Generals, on the outside looking in. There’s still lots of changes to be had in D5, including at the top….

 

Cunning Stunts vs Matty’s Angels (+3) – That’s right, I said it. Matty’s may be undefeated, but as of right now they aren’t the hottest gender team in the TSL. That belongs to the Cunning Stunts, who have been on a tear lately. Field 4 is the place to be at 10am, as these two teams do battle for the D5 division lead. Both teams can score, but here’s the dirty little secret for Matty’s: They can’t stop anyone. They’re 8^th in defense in the division. This is another game to take the over.  CUNNING STUNTS BY 5

 

HomeTech vs Over Compensators (+3) – That’s right HomeTech! You win and you get favored in a game. This is essentially a playoff matchup, since the loser will more than likely be unable to catch the winner in the standings. I know the OC just won as well, but they did it against a pretty lost Five Star team. HOMETECH BY 7

 

Come From Behind vs Hope N Ruin (+8) – Hope N Ruin is a lot more Ruin than anything this season. Come From Behind won’t have to do so in this matchup. COME FROM BEHIND BY 10

 

Ugandan Warriors vs Vandalay Industries (+10) – Vandalay is a very solid team, but let’s face it: Ugandan is pissed they lost the rivalry matchup with the Angels and there’s a lot more that has them fired up at Team Topper Lite. I’m betting the Warriors go for 70 points alone. UGANDAN WARRIORS BY 14

 

Cunning Stunts vs Pink Pteratacos (+7) – While the Pteratacos are having a good first season together, they’re just outside of the upper tier of D5. The Stunts, as we’ve said earlier, are that upper tier. Either the Stunts will be pumped from their win over Matty’s Angels, or they’ll be looking for revenge. CUNNING STUNTS BY 8

 

Ugandan Warriors vs Pink Pteratacos (+7) – Big, tough week to be a Pterataco fan. Facing two of the upper tier teams in a doubleheader with no rest should not make for a fun day. UGANDAN WARRIORS BY 10

 

Vandalay Industries vs Five Star Generals (+10) – Five Star needs this win to stay alive in the playoff hunt, but nothing they’re doing recently shows that they can achieve a win against, well, anyone at this point. VANDALAY INDUSTRIES BY 4

 

D6/R4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

The Bambs 44, TMA 44

Jabronies 36, Practice Squad 16

Practice Squad 50, Jabronies 24

The Bi-Polar Express 50, pAssless Chaps 0

TMA 30, The Bi-Polar Express 17

 

Here’s what we learned this week in D6: NOTHING! Okay, we already knew that this has become a two horse race with Jabronies and Practice Squad. And what did that doubleheader show us? Nothing. The top tier of D6 teams (who should both look forward to D5 next season) split this doubleheader 1-1. Jabronies won by 20, and then Practice Squad won by 26. I have no idea who was/wasn’t there, but I can say that the D6 title game looks interesting. TMA went 1-0-1 on the weekend, but really shouldn’t have. The Bambs had only 5 players on the field due to a severe female shortage. They were winning the game rather easily for the most part as reporters have told me that “The one shaved head guy who was better than the other shaved head guy was killing it.”. And then tragedy struck, as Brooke, the only girl The Bambs had, broke her ankle. The Bambs were going to be forced to forfeit the game they were winning, and instead Ferger was a nice guy and suggested a tie. They didn’t want to win that way, and The Bambs pretty much were going to win if that didn’t happen. Solid move. Finally, The Bi-Polar Express showed up in a big way this weekend, avenging their 18-0 loss to the Chaps with a 50-0 win of their own a week later. However, girl shortages in the TMA game came into play (That’s the downside to having 3 girls from TMA on your gender team when you have to play them in your division) and they dropped a close one. It’s pretty clear who’s getting the bye in the playoffs, but where everyone else ends up is still in the air.

 

The Bambs vs pAssless Chaps (+8) – The Bambs have been sliding as of late, but that seems to be more due to a lot of attendance issues more than anything. There’s nothing like a game against the Chaps to cure what ails you though. THE BAMBS BY 10

 

Practice Squad vs pAssless Chaps (+16) – This might be the highest line I’ve ever given, but right now PS is on a roll and they’d love to keep pace with the Jabronies for the regular season crown. Not trying to hurt the Chaps’ feelings, but they’re in a rebuild right now with Coach Jay, and it’s going to take a little more time to really get it together. Have faith. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 13

 

The Bambs vs The Bi-Polar Express (+3) – I know, The Bambs just lost two weeks ago to BPX, and they’re on the downswing while BPX is playing some of their best football in team history. However, I still feel The Bambs have been shorthanded, and if the whole team shows up, I think they’ll look more like The Bambs from the first three weeks as compared to the last three weeks. THE BAMBS BY 7

 

Jabronies vs TMA (+10) – TMA struggled against a team with 5 people. They need to really figure things out, and a game against the Jabronies isn’t the best way to go about that. However, TMA DOES have an outside shot at the bye week still, and beating the Jabronies is necessary for that to happen. JABRONIES BY 7

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

1.      How will the Ugandan Warriors respond after all of the ugliness that took place last week? Regardless of what happened, the Warriors need to recognize that they have a VERY good shot at the D5 title, and if they keep their focus, they’ll still be a force to be reckoned with.

 

2.      Will the D2/C2 teams get embarrassed by the D1/C1 teams? My magic 8-Ball says “No.” Watch for close games across the board, with perhaps only a blowout coming in the Marketing Mayors/Money Ball game. Like I said, at least TWO D2 teams are going to walk away with victories this week.

3.      Did you know about the TSL Universal Sub List? There were too many teams in need of a player this week that just completely ignored the Sub List. It’s literally there to make sure teams don’t play shorthanded! Rameer and Joe K cleaned up the USL this week and added a few more names to it to help out. Check it out.

 

4.      Who will win the Topper Wheel of Hope Spin? There’s some new rules for the wheel, which are as follows: We will no longer “spin until there’s a winner”. We will spin 5 times, and if there’s no winner, the money transfers over to the next week. There wasn’t a winner last Saturday, so this week’s bar tab is up to $100. There’s also some REALLY cool prizes coming to a Wheel of Hope near you.

 

5.      Who’s going to the East Aurora Music Festival? One thing I’ve been told is how much the league has been hanging out together after games, but not at the Rose Garden. People have gone out on Elmwood, to Hertel, to parties, etc. Its been pretty cool to hear. This week’s adventure has a lot of the TSL going to East Aurora for a fun time. If you go, let me know how it was!

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

 

1.      I think the word is out that if you’re going to do anything stupid in terms of abusing the officials, you’re going to get in trouble. I’ll repeat this: They don’t HAVE to do this job. They do it because they love you/this league. Be civil.

 

2.      I have to give the shout out to Peanut Butter Kelly Time for winning their first game of the Breakfast Club season! Congrats! Predictions this week: Natural Born Kellers 27 - EmC HammerTime 26, Hot TaMolly’s 37 – Bern Them All 31, Schilling ‘Em Softly 34 – Peanut Butter Kelly Time 22.

 

3.      Congratulations are in order for the Brunettes! They had a huge 68-24(ish) win against the Blondes in the 10^th annual Rivalz game to raise money for Alzheimer’s awareness. Just please, next year, schedule the game for ANY time that isn’t during Co-Ed football games. We’d all love to be there, I’m sure. And you’d raise more money with a cool game under the lights or something. Just a suggestion.

 

 

4.      What the hell Joey Batts? Topper goes out of his way to give your daughter a signed pair of championship cleats (something she’ll never get from her father, whoever he is) and you throw them back in his face? Come on man.

 

5.      I’m giving extreme credit to the QB Power Rankings article writers. (There’s more than one, believe it or not.) Those charts and graphs on how teams are doing are AMAZING work. Here’s some cool things I’d have never guessed:

 

a.      The Bi-Polar Express leads D6 in defense.

b.      End Game is MUCH further ahead of D4 then I once thought.

c.       Matty’s Angels is 8^th in D5 defense. I knew they weren’t great, but wow.

d.      Slytherin That End Zone is the best team in D3. Go look.

e.      A&A has the lowest ranked offense, yet the top ranked defense in D2.

f.        Marketing Mayors is secretly the second best team in D1. This week’s game is going rock.

 

6.      Here’s the best games to watch this week:

10:00 – Field 4 – Cunning Stunts vs Matty’s Angels

11:00 – Field 2 - 1 Todd Too Many vs Energy Buff

12:00 – Field 1 – Marketing Mayors vs Eyes Downtown (Game of the Week)

1:00 – Field 2 – 3^rd and Schlong vs Sticky Bandits

2:00 – Field 2 – Peachy Platoon vs Frodo Swaggins

3:00 – Field 2 – End Game vs Indecent Exposure

 

               Just camp out at Field 2 it seems.

 

7.      Some people aren’t too thrilled with my betting lines and odds. Perhaps the QB Power Rankings people can use their fancy maths to come up with the lines for the games somehow? If that’s possible, I’d love to use someone else’s lines. What do you say?

 

8.      Sign up for the Telegram app, and get chatting with your league mates. Like us on Facebook. Word is we may even be getting our Twitter rocking soon. And rumors of the Joe K TSL Podcast are growing stronger.

 

9.      Keep your calendars clear August 3^rd! That’s the tentative date for hottest summer tournament: The TSL Wine Tournament! It’s one of the most fun days of the year for everyone, and all you have to do is play football and drink wine. Space is limited so when registration opens, have your team ready!

 

 

10.   The Lenny Alba Appreciation Day is June 15^th! Rameer has asked that I spread the word that on the Friday Night before, June 14^th, we’d like to get as many TSLers as we can to the Vue Rooftop Lounge for a night of fun, and we’ll have a big toast to our pal Lenny. His birthday was June 4^th, and we miss him every single day.

 

 

Here we are, 5535 words later. I love this league. Wear Sunscreen. Be nice to refs, and each other. But seriously, go out and have some FUN this Saturday. My googling says you guys will have 75 degrees and a GORGEOUS day to play in. Perhaps I’ll fly in to Buffalo for the championship day to see you guys. Maybe not.

 

And yes, the ribs were delicious.

Week 8 -Lenny Alba Appreciation Week

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 14 June 2019 12:54

Published: Friday, 14 June 2019 12:54

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 11094

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe!

 

On this Saturday, June 15th, in the Year of Our Lord 2019, The Topper Sports League will be holding one of its most important events it has ever thrown.

 

Lenny Alba Appreciation Day!

 

The fun starts on Friday Night, at the Vue Rooftop Lounge on top of the Curtiss Hotel. ALL OF YOU are invited to join Topper, Rameer, and other assorted TSL celebrities as we toast our beloved Commissioner. Be there at 7:30!

 

Then on Saturday, we’ll have the celebration at the fields. When talking to Topper about it this week, he said he thought to himself “What would Lenny do?”. Sadly, it wasn’t feasible to have a B’s Brother Burning Man on Field 5, and Cirque De Soleil doesn’t do private shows. However, we DO have an ice cream truck with free ice cream, some wheel spins, the burgers and dogs will be available for purchase, the Dunk Tank will make its appearance, and maybe a surprise or two.

 

I’m not here to talk about anything football related in the intro. Because, in the grand scheme of things, the rest pales in comparison to the importance that comes with Lenny Day. The man lived and breathed this league. He loved every single one of us. He took anyone members of this league considered “a villain” and went out of his way to talk to that person and find the good in them. He believed in all of us. Yeah, he may have gotten upset with certain people at times, but he’d move on from it faster than anyone else in history. Lenny appreciated YOU and this league more than any of us ever could. Now all of you need to show up to appreciate the hell out of him. Why? Because none of us are here, every Saturday, in the league that we love, meeting our friends that have become family, having a blast, meeting our future spouses, mothers/fathers of our children, or anything else if it wasn’t for Lenny Alba. Be there.

 

The league has been fun, as it always is, but we all know that it’s been missing something. Let’s go celebrate him.

 

LTA#56. We love you. We miss you. Forever in our hearts.

 

With that said, holy crap it’s Week 8. Playoff spots are secure, positioning is not, bye weeks are up for grabs, and there’s some more crossover games! Let’s take a look!

 

C1/C2 Crossovers

 

Last Week’s Games:

Public Enemy 36, Bullet Club 30

Marketing Mayors 32, Money Ball 6

1 Todd Too Many 37, Energy Buff 16

A&A 37, Tight Ends In Motion 31

Eyes Downtown 21, Title Shot 0

Gryffindor 30, #XTC@Angry Buffalo 28

 

So first off, I was right. TWO victories for the D2C2 Squads! Thanks Matty Ice and Joey Batts! A&A received the good fortune of having TEIM struggle through its most recent QB issue (the ‘Seth Signal’ has been shining brightly in the sky to no avail) and Joey Batts took one of the hotter teams in the league and took out an #XTC@AB team that’s had its own struggles. No struggles for Team Topper though, as they disposed of Energy Buff rather easily, though EB was missing a QB as well I believe. The Mayors slapped around Money Ball, and Eyes Downtown won in a forfeit. Bullet Club tried its best to break the streak but found themselves in a 16 point deficit early on in the game. Despite a much better second half, they came up short.

 

We have another week of fun crossovers as well! Let’s see if there’s more upsets waiting out there for us.

 

Public Enemy vs A&A – Matty Ice is next up for potential “streak breakers”. He already owns one of the two D2/C2 wins this season, and if he could beat Public Enemy, we may never hear the end of it. This game should be lots of fun, and if we’re lucky, I’ll be able to hear the smack talk from Des Moines. Moderate Chance for the D2/C2 upset.

 

Eyes Downtown vs Gryffindor – Bobby vs Joey. We’re really getting some excellent QB matchups here. This is like Sting vs Stone Cold Steve Austin, but if it actually happened in 1998. Gryffindor slid by #XTC and ED didn’t even have to play their crossover game last week. Both teams need a win for getting bye weeks in their division. This should be a fun one. Low chance for a D2/C2 upset.

 

Marketing Mayors vs Bullet Club – This is like when NFL teams fighting for playoff positioning play at the same time. Marketing Mayors are battling Eyes Downtown for their bye, and Bullet Club is battling Gryffindor for theirs. They all play each other at 11:00. Brilliant work Topper!! BC lost to Public Enemy last week without their stud Chad Griffin, who is allegedly going to be in attendance this weekend. The Mayors had zero problem with Money Ball and lost to ED by a point last week. This is another game that should be pretty close. Moderate chance at the D2/C2 upset.

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Energy Buff – This matchup should come down to who’s throwing for who here. Both teams lost last week but had QB issues. I’m not sure what to think of EB anymore this season. They’ve been so inconsistent. I’d like to think the Tight Ends’ defense can hold them. Low Chance of a D2/C2 upset.

 

1 Todd Too Many vs Money Ball – Team Topper is back baby! 1TTM gets back on the winning side of things, and they look to “prey” upon Money Ball this week, who looked all sorts of out of it against the Marketing Mayors. Now, 1 Todd isn’t exactly MM, but they’ve got to be feeling good, and they’ll be wearing their Lenny shirts on Lenny Day. Which means Lenny will most likely have Topper lose in comical fashion. Moderate Chance of a D2/C2 upset.

 

#XTC@ Angry Buffalo vs Title Shot – I don’t even know if Title Shot is going to show up for this one. What a fall from grace they’ve had this season. #XTC has been much better as Sooch finds his rhythm. When you’re chock full of handsome people like Joe Russell and Eric Stegmeier, you need to play as good as you look. This could be a good one if both teams are at full strength. Moderate chance at a D2/C2 upset.

 

I’m not claiming a number of wins for this one. If I had to pick two: Bullet Club and Energy Buff. But I wouldn’t bet on it.

 

D1/C1

 

Last Week’s Games:

Eyes Downtown 33, Marketing Mayors 32

 

Only one game on the docket, but it mattered for the playoffs. A one point win put ED in the driver’s seat for second place and a first round bye.

 

Playoff time! Here’s what we know: Public Enemy is first place and getting the bye. Currently, Marketing Mayors and Eyes Downtown both have 15 points and are tied for the bye, but ED has a game in hand and the head to head victory. As for the rest of the division, they’re all tied. TEIM has a game in hand on #XTC@AB and Team Topper. Seeding is going to change drastically this week.

 

Eyes Downtown vs Tight Ends In Motion (+10) – Tight Ends needs to really get it together heading into the playoffs. Eyes Downtown seems to be rolling along right now, and they know they can’t afford a slip up here so they can clinch the bye. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 10

 

D2/C2

Last Week’s Games:

None. Only had the Crossovers.

 

Playoff update: MADNESS. As of now, A&A and Gryffindor are in the bye week position. Bullet Club is sitting right behind them though. Unless A&A breaks PE’s streak, they’ll finish 5-4. Gryffindor and Bullet Club play each other. They’re both 4-3. Energy Buff sits a game behind them with an outside shot at the bye as well. Title Shot and Money Ball seem to be entrenched in the last two seeds, but who the hell knows anymore? This division has been crazy fun all year, and it only makes sense that nothing is making sense still.

 

Gryffindor vs Bullet Club (+1) – I should’ve made this game EVEN, but Gryffindor DID beat BC not too long ago. This game pretty much looks like a bye week “playoff” game, with the winner most likely getting the #1 seed. With the way this division has been though, look for, somehow, to have A&A, Gryffindor, and Bullet Club all end up 5-4 so Topper’s magic formulas can figure out who gets the byes. Which can only mean the result we’re not expecting will happen: GRYFFINDOR AND BULLET CLUB TIE.

 

D3/R1:

Last Week’s Games:

All We Do Is Quinn 45, Ultimate Warriors 22

Slytherin That End Zone 36, Morning Wood 36

3rd and Schlong 38, Sticky Bandits 38

Frodo Swaggins 18, Peachy Platoon 14

 

So basically, Quinn is a bunch of a jerks and ruined Sam Lattuca’s QB start! We’ve learned nothing since everyone decided to tie this week, except let’s pay attention to the Frodo win over Peachy. That’s a big one, and it announces that Frodo needs to be taken VERY seriously in the playoffs.

 

Playoffs: Here’s what we know: Ultimate Warriors are the 8 seed. After that? No clue. AWDIQ plays SITE for what is essentially the #1 seed. A SITE win gives them both 6-2-1 records. 3rd and Schlong and Frodo battle each other as well, in another awesome matchup. It looks like 3AS isn’t going to get a makeup game in and only play 8 games, where if they’d have won both they’d be 6-2-1 as well. Because Sticky Bandits are also leaving a game on the table, Morning Wood may be able to pass them in the standings with a win over Ultimate Warriors. This is bananas. Peachy Platoon is in there somewhere too. My head hurts.

 

All We Do Is Quinn vs Slytherin That End Zone (+3) – SITE has to be shaking their heads after giving up a tie to Morning Wood. That’s a game you need to win if you’re going to win your division. Quinn is still chugging along as the division leader. I’m not sure which team wants it more, but considering how they both played last week: ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 3

 

3rd and Schlong vs Frodo Swaggins (EVEN) – This game should be a lot of fun. 3AS has gone from the team making the most noise in recent seasons, to just being a quietly good team while the others get the press. That doesn’t matter to them, as they’ve still been putting the boots to teams. Frodo is a new team, they’re a fun team, and they’ve had some BIG games this season. They’re hard to beat. They have the best player in the league that nobody knows about in Josh Schnieder. As long as Garrett doesn’t over think anything, they’re a tough out. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 8

 

Peachy Platoon vs Sticky Bandits (+7) – Sticky is always a good, smart team but this season just hasn’t gone as well as they’d like it. Once considered favorites to win this division, they find themselves near the bottom of the standings. Of course, having an injury to your QB is always an issue, but Mike Thomas is more than capable and may secretly be the best backup in the league. For all of the pub Peachy gets, they’re only 4-4, and they’re losing the big games it seems. They lost to SITE, Frodo twice, and 3AS. They *did* beat Quinn though. They need more consistency for sure. PEACHY PLATOON BY 10

 

Morning Wood vs Ultimate Warriors (+7) – Just a nightmare of a season for the Warriors, but what better way for them to get some momentum for the playoffs than to get their first win? Morning Wood’s up and down season has them all over the place and it’s hard to figure out just what they are. Let’s go for it: ULTIMATE WARRIORS BY 4

 

D4/R2

Last Week’s Games:

Buffalo Solar Solutions 44, Hung Buffalo 27

Cobblestone 27, Full Throttle 22

GLBS 44, Cobblestone 19

Puckett All-Stars 59, Indecent Exposure 22

End Game 22, Indecent Exposure 21

Hung Buffalo 19, Puckett All-Stars 7

 

One week before playoffs and just about everything you expected to happen went down. Buffalo Solar came back to us, beating Hung Buffalo. Cobblestone won again, essentially knocking Full Throttle out of the playoffs. Puckett had a big win over Indecent Exposure, but lose to Hung Buffalo in a close one later on. And End Game ESCAPED Indecent Exposure.

 

Playoffs: What we know: End Game is the best team in the division, but Uncle Rico’s and No Punt Intended are knocking on the door. GLBS, Hung Buffalo, and BSS are all in the playoffs for sure, and I think Full Throttle is officially eliminated. Then we have a three way dance between Indecent Exposure, Cobblestone, and Puckett All-Stars for the last spot. Should be interesting, but I think IE and Cobblestone will make it.

 

Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Cobblestone (+8) – Cobblestone has been money as of late, going 2-1 in their last 3 games. However, the loss to GLBS seemed to come pretty easy, and I think BSS’ win this weekend puts this one in their favor. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 7

 

Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Puckett All-Stars (+10) – Puckett had their big win last week, but even a tired BSS shouldn’t have an issue with them. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 8

 

GLBS vs Full Throttle (+16) – Full Throttle has just struggled to put a full game together all season. On has to assume they’re running for the bus here, while GLBS is playing for playoff positioning. Glenn Bird has had to assume QB duties as of late, and it looks like its so far so good. GLBS BY 12

 

End Game vs No Punt Intended (+3) – I’m not going to do it. I’m not going to let NPI hurt me again. I believed in them, they let me down, and when I was finally accepting it, they’re winning again. They’ve been hot as of late, and I think this game could go down to the wire. But End Game is just so good. I wish I knew who the guys on this team were. END GAME BY 4

 

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers vs Indecent Exposure (+9) – It feels like we haven’t seen Uncle Rico’s in months. Did they quit after they blew the NPI game so badly? Either way, they’re back and they’re taking on a team in IE that just seems to be falling apart at the seams. Yeah, they were within a point of End Game, but they got smoked by Puckett. Just doesn’t feel like the right time for a blow up. UNCLE RICO’S TIME TRAVELERS BY 13

 

D5/R3

 

Last Week’s Scores:

Matty’s Angels 61, Cunning Stunts 42

Over Compensators 33, HomeTech 29

Hope N Ruin 30, Come From Behind 21

Ugandan Warriors 32, vandalay industries 26

Cunning Stunts 34, Pink Pteratacos 26

Ugandan Warriors 33, Pink Pteratacos 20

Five Star Generals 58, vandalay industries 49

 

It happens every year. There’s a big gender game, and Joey Batts is the QB for one of the teams and he blows it. The Angels continue their D5 dominance, wiping the floor with Stunts. They still can’t play defense though. The Ugandan Warriors solidified their claim to the “best not gender team in D5” title with two big wins. Vandalay had a rough day at the office, losing to Five Star. The Pteratacos had a bad day in terms of record, but they hung in there with Ugandan and the Stunts, and that says something.

 

Playoffs: What we know: Matty’s is the best, the Stunts are second, and Ugandan is 3^rd. After that, its literally anybody’s game for seeds 4-10. HomeTech is currently 1-6 and at the bottom of things but two wins can flip them into the playoffs. Lots of good action here, no idea how it shakes out.

 

Hope N Ruin vs Over Compensators (+6) – both of the teams seem to be trending upwards here. Hope N Ruin has been more Ruin than Hope (love that gag) but the playoffs are coming, so let’s just pencil them into the D5 final now. HOPE N RUIN BY 3

 

Ugandan Warriors vs Come From Behind (+10) – Ugandan is a very good team. They’ve been winning games left and right and, as long they know much time is left on the clock, they may not lose again. Come From Behind didn’t have the best of luck last week, and while they’re a very good team, the Warriors are on a mission.  UGANDAN WARRIORS BY 7

 

Matty’s Angels vs vandalay industries (+10) – with Topper playing in C1, the non award winning Tommy Hughes is looking to lead vandalay against the unfair juggernauts that better enjoy D4 next session: The Angels. I just cant imagine Tommy being able to keep up with Matty and the girls. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 17

 

Five Star Generals vs HomeTech (EVEN) – Two teams that haven’t had the best of seasons meet up in what just might be essentially a playoff game. Five Star got a feel good win this past week, but if they want to make some noise in the division, they need to win this one to do it. HOMETECH BY 6

 

D6/R4

 

Last Week’s Scores:

pAssless Chaps 37, Practice Squad 26

Practice Squad 46, Jabronies 17

Jabronies 52, TMA 14

 

Yeah, somehow Practice Squad blew a game against the Chaps and then beat up on the Jabronies. I can’t explain it.

 

Playoffs: what we know: Practice Squad and Jabronies have the bye weeks. What we don’t know: seeds 3-6. Lots of matchups to be determined this week.

 

Jabronies vs pAssless Chaps (+10) – The Jabronies have been a very hot team as long as they aren’t playing Practice Squad. While it seems that the Chaps upset the very same Squad, I can’t imagine lightning striking twice.  JABRONIES BY 7

 

TMA vs The Bi-Polar Express (+3) – Everytime BPX plays TMA, they’re short girls. That’s the problem with three of your ladies playing on the enemy. Both teams need a win here, and I think we’ll see both teams play their best, as word is Gordon should have all of his other girls. I think they’ve played twice before, so third time’s the charm. THE BI-POLAR EXPRESS BY 5

 

Practice Squad vs The Bambs (+6) – I don’t know what the hell happened to the Bambs. When someone finds them, can you ask them? Practice Squad keeps rolling. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 5

 

The Bi-Polar Express vs The Bambs (EVEN) – BPX beat The Bambs a few weeks ago, and like I said in the last game, we still haven’t found them in a few weeks. THE BI-POLAR EXPRESS BY 7

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

1.      How many more teams from D2/C2 win their crossover games this week? There were two last week, do you think they can do it again?

 

2.      How long until Topper buys the remaining hot dogs and hamburgers and lets everyone have them for free? 2:00?

 

3.      Will Vue Rooftop Lounge be packed with TSLers for Lenny Day on Friday? Seriously, if you’re able to go, get out there and meet Rameer and Topper!

 

4.      Who’s going in the Dunk Tank? There has GOT to be some new blood that wants to take their chances. If they’ve seen some of the QBs in this league, they won’t be scared.

 

5.      What crazy finishes will we have to the regular season? There’s a lot of playoff spots on the line this week. Do YOU want your team’s fate in the hands of Topper?

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

 

1.      First off, Congratulations to Mark Buscaglia and Kim Mahoney on their engagement! Another awesome couple to add to the list of TSL marriages! We all know Katie Keller and a man that’s a plan are next.

 

2.      Shout out to Kenny Lantz of the Practice Squad for being the newest member of the ever growing TSL list of injured ankles! Get well soon!

3.      Since we’re having a DJ play all day this week, Travis, please leave your speaker in the car. Also, pay for Pandora premium for whatever. Nobody wants to hear the commercials.

 

4.      Breakfast Club playoffs this week! Give me the Hot TaMollys over Peanut Butter Kelly Time 36-20 and Natural Born Kellers over EmC HammerTime 24 -22.

 

5.      I’m not going to make this a big thing again, but seriously, stop putting your hands on refs people. That vein in Rameer’s head is about to pop.

 

6.      The best games to watch this week:

 

a.      10:00 – Field 2 – All We Do Is Quinn vs Slytherin That End Zone

b.      11:00 – Field 2 – Marketing Mayors vs Bullet Club

c.       12:00 – Field 1 – Tight Ends In Motion vs Energy Buff

d.      1:00 – Field 3 – No Punt Intended vs End Game

e.      2:00 – Field 2 – Bullet Club vs Gryffindor

f.        3:00 – Field 1 – The Bi-Polar Express vs The Bambs

 

7.      Not to be the bearer of bad news, but its currently 50% chance to rain, and it might be windy. Nothing better than deciding playoff seeds in that fun stuff. Just kidding, Lenny won’t let that happen.

 

8.      Hopefully, with all of the Lenny Day festivities, people stick around the bar for some time! Let’s help Topper be drunk until Tuesday!!

 

9.      Whoever eats the most ice cream gets to spin the wheel. Just saying.

 

10.   This weekend is supposed to be about celebrating Lenny, but its also about celebrating each other. Be good people this weekend, as Lenny would’ve wanted you to be. Enjoy yourself, take pictures, and make a new friend. We miss you Lenny.

Week 6 Mid Season Review, Picks, thoughts, and stuff

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Thursday, 30 May 2019 13:10

Published: Thursday, 30 May 2019 13:10

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 4719

 

So, let me get this straight.

 

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers have been BEGGING for more publicity. They wanted to know why Rameer wasn’t talking about them enough on the rant. Why wasn’t The Godfather giving them enough props? Why isn’t their QB in the Top 10 of the Rankings? They even went so far as to post on the Topper Sports Facebook page to ASK for more people to talk about them!

 

Ask, and you shall receive. But, be careful what you wish for.

 

Uncle Rico’s went out with the full intentions of proving themselves to be the run away contenders for D4(R2). They were sitting at 5-1, with a doubleheader last week against a completely lost Puckett All-Stars and a struggling No Punt Intended. They beat Puckett 39-20. They were up against No Punt Intended by a score, with the ball, with only 1:50 left on the clock. And then they got cocky. And they got what they deserved. Instead of casually running out the clock and winning the game, they tried to go for more points. Kyle Conniff picked off a pass on first down to give NPI the ball near the goal line. NPI ran down the clock, scored with no time left to win the game, and smacked Uncle Rico’s in the mouth. It was easily the most embarrassing loss a team has had in the TSL this season. I had my sources watch Uncle Rico’s so they could report back to me with who they had on their squad. I found out that they had Deak and Chris Nelson (a future star in this league that’s on every D1 team’s poach list, word is he’s already much better than his dad ever was) and that’s a big reason they’ve been so good. But now they’ve shown the entire division that perhaps they’ve been a bit overrated and that MAYBE there was a reason that they’re the only ones that really wanted to talk about their own team. Maybe.

 

I hope everyone had a fantastic Memorial Day weekend. While we were all busy remembering those who gave the Ultimate Sacrifice, I want everyone to remember that it was also the time for us to bury the “Uncle Rico’s is unbeatable so talk about us more” nonsense.

 

With that said, welcome back to another amazing week of our own little reality show we call the Spring 2019 season. Somehow, there’s only three weeks of regular season football to go before the playoffs, and the divisions are working themselves out to show us who has a realistic shot of achieving social co-ed football immortality, and those who need a few tweaks. So instead of just previewing games, lets take a look at who actually has a chance at their respective division titles and who, well, doesn’t.

 

D1/C1

 

THE FAVORITE

Public Enemy (6-0)

 

THE CONTENDERS

Eyes Downtown (3-1) , Marketing Mayors (3-2), Tight Ends In Motion (2-3)

 

THE PRETENDERS

#XTC@Angry Buffalo (1-5), 1 Todd Too Many (1-5)

 

Last Week’s Results:

Public Enemy 40, #XTC@AB 37

Eyes Downtown 56, 1 Todd Too Many 32

Public Enemy 29, Tight Ends In Motion 28

 

PE is on a 16 game winning streak, essentially becoming the TSL’s version of The Undertaker. Quite frankly, until they’re defeated, I’m not going to put them in a tier with anyone else. Of course, last week gave us some VERY close calls, as they only won by 3 points and 1 point respectively. And who comes to town this week? Eyes Downtown, who got their inspirational leader back. Bobby McConnell FINALLY graced the TSL with his aura this season, and it was poor Topper who had to be on the back end of a 56-32 loss. ED takes on PE in a rematch of “THE GAME” and while we all know that “ITS ON”, I don’t want to hype it up too much since last time I did that, things weren’t great. Tight Ends just missed out on breaking PE’s streak last week, but they still have to walk away happy knowing that they’ve been on the right track since Ricky Austin started throwing for them. The team just seems to have a bounce in their step around the fields now, and they’re finding their groove. Marketing Mayors didn’t play this week, but that doesn’t mean people should forget just how dangerous they really can be when all cylinders are firing. #XTC gets better each week as Nick Sooch gets more comfortable. I’m not ready to move them up in a ranking tier just yet, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t by season’s end. A 3 point loss to PE is something to be proud of. 1 Todd Too Many has had rough go of it since their opening season win. A couple of missed opportunities have caused them a few games, but some roster consistency would be a great first start towards figuring it all out. One thing’s for sure: They’re not going to give up, so don’t even THINK to consider them an “easy out”.

 

This Week’s Games:

Marketing Mayors vs Tight Ends In Motion (+7) – I think that the TEIM crew is really starting to click at the right time, and catching the Mayors after a week off might be perfect timing here. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 3

Public Enemy vs. Eyes Downtown (EVEN) – Public Enemy has really been squeaking by as of late, and they look complacent. Bobby wants nothing more to the Brock Lesnar to this streak. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 6

#XTC@Angry Buffalo vs 1 Todd Too Many – XTC is on the rise, and Team Topper is still trying to work out the kinks.  #XTC@ANGRY BUFFALO BY 4

 

D2/C2

 

THE CONTENDERS

Everyone.

 

Last Week’s Games:

Gryffindor 43, Bullet Club 36

Bullet Club 38, A&A 22

Energy Buff 34, Title Shot 31

 

Seriously, everyone is a contender here. Bullet Club currently leads the standings at 3-2. They had some awful halves last week, as they were behind Gryffindor 37-14 at halftime, and were behind A&A 22-0 at the half as well. They nearly came back against Gryffindor, and they shutout A&A 38-0 in the second half. And that’s just about the perfect way to explain their season so far. Title Shot is also 3-2, after a 3 point loss against Energy Buff. Dubey needs to show up more often (tell me if you’ve heard that before), and a very exciting rematch against BC is on the docket for this week. A&A? Also 3-2. Matty was struggling to get the girls to show up yet again this week, and that’s been too much of a consistent problem. Energy Buff checks in at 2-2, but they’re trending upwards as it seems that they’re starting to get it together. Maybe my early predictions that they’d win the division weren’t the worst ever. Gryffindor is 2-3, and I don’t even think they know what to expect from their team every week. Their game this week showed the good (a 37-14 first half) and the bad (a 22-6 second half). Perhaps they need to not get comfortable with a lead? Finally, Money Ball brings up the rear at 1-3, but they’re going to have a lot of games to play catch up in the next few weeks.

 

This Week’s Games:

Bullet Club vs Title Shot (+3) – Bullet Club won the first matchup, but will Dubey show up this week for Title Shot? Who will show up for Bullet Club? Expect another close game. BULLET CLUB BY 3, TITLE SHOT BY 3 IF DUBEY SHOWS UP.

 

Gryffindor vs Money Ball (+3) – Two teams that are fighting to stay out of the bottom of the standings. If Money Ball can keep it close in the first half, history suggests they can pull away in the second. MONEY BALL BY 7

 

A&A vs Energy Buff (EVEN, TWO GAMES) – This is an interesting scenario! These two teams play each other twice in a row at 1:00 and 2:00. That’s just how things worked out (the games this week were decided by ladder matches, so 3rd place plays 4th place). If there’s one thing that’s tough, its beating a team once. Doing it twice? I see a split happening. A&A BY 8 THEN ENERGY BUFF BY 1

 

Title Shot vs Money Ball (+7) – Money Ball will struggle to matchup with Title Shot’s girls. I’m not necessarily certain Title Shot needs Dubey for this one. TITLE SHOT BY 6

 

D3/R1

 

THE CONTENDERS

All We Do Is Quinn (5-0-1), Frodo Swaggins (3-2-1), 3rd and Schlong (3-2), Peachy Platoon (3-2)

 

THE ALMOST THERES

Slytherin That End Zone (3-2), Sticky Bandits (2-2)

 

THE PRETENDERS

Morning Wood (2-4), Ultimate Warriors (0-7)

 

Last Week’s Games:

Frodo Swaggins 31, Peachy Platoon 25

Frodo Swaggins 32, Ultimate Warriors 26

Peachy Platoon 30, Morning Wood 22

All We Do Is Quinn 28, Morning Wood 6

 

It’s becoming increasingly clear that Frodo Swaggins is officially a team to be reckoned with for D3/R1. Garrett Beesing and friends find themselves in second place in the division, thanks to an impressive win over Peachy Platoon. AWDIQ is still on top at 5-0-1, and they’re still the class of the division, but a looming matchup with Peachy awaits them this week. Peachy went 1-1 last week, keeping themselves in the thick of the race. 3rd and Schlong was off this past week, but they too have a big game against the Platoon this week. We’re really going to see who’s taking control of the division this week. SITE and Sticky find themselves just outside of contender status. Don’t get me wrong, both teams are good, but they’re missing that extra signature win to really give them a higher tier. Ironically, these two teams meet at 3:00, and both need the win. SITE gets a shot at Frodo Swaggins this week as well, and a victory there could be exactly what they’re going to need. Morning Wood isn’t a bad team, and they’re getting better each week. Heather and Jill show improvement every time they hit the field, which is a big plus for any team. But right now they feel more like a team still putting it together than one who can truly contend. The Ultimate Warriors might be the best 0-7 team in league history. They keep losing games by about one score, and honestly could be ripe for an upset of whoever they play in the playoffs. A couple of bounces go their way this season and they could be 3-4.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

All We Do Is Quinn vs Peachy Platoon (+6) – Quinn hasn’t lost yet, and a lot of that has to do with their athleticism. In Peachy, they find a team that can match them on that front. This has HIGH Game of the Week potential. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 2

 

Peachy Platoon vs 3rd and Schlong (EVEN) – 3rd and Schlong is setting out to remind us that they’re the team we should all be talking about in the division. Catching Peachy on the second half of a double header may prove to be great timing. 3rd AND SCHLONG BY 3

 

Frodo Swaggins vs Slytherin That End Zone (+7) – SITE needs a marquee win, Frodo has been cruising since getting Emily Schilling at the deadline. Give me the hot team. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 10

 

Sticky Bandits vs Morning Wood (+3) – If Sticky is going to make their climb up the standings, they need to win this game. STICKY BANDITS BY 7

 

Sticky Bandits vs Slytherin That End Zone (EVEN) – Two teams with a lot to prove this week. Both need this win over the other. A bit of a playoff atmosphere at 3:00. STICKY BANDITS BY 1

 

D4/R2

 

THE CONTENDERS

 

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (6-2), End Game (5-1), Hung Buffalo (4-2)

 

THE ALMOST THERES

 

No Punt Intended (4-3), GLBS (4-3), Buffalo Solar Solutions (3-3), Indecent Exposure (3-3)

 

THE PRETENDERS

 

Puckett All-Stars (1-5), Full Throttle (1-5)

 

THE RELEGATED

 

Cobblestone (0-5)

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

End Game 43, Buffalo Solar Solutions 22

Indecent Exposure 53, Full Throttle 12

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 39, Puckett All-Stars 20

No Punt Intended 50, Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 43

GLBS 26, Hung Buffalo 8

No Punt Intended 33, GLBS 13

 

 

Joking aside, Uncle Rico’s looks to be on a collision course with End Game for the championship game. They were a brain fart away from being 7-1, but if anything, they learned from last week’s debacle and they’ll be a smarter team going forward. End Game hasn’t lost a step or looked weak all season, and their win against Buffalo Solar cemented the fact that the road to the D4/R2 title goes through them. Hung Buffalo lost against GLBS, sure, but I’m not entirely confident they had their whole team there because of the holiday, so I won’t drop them from “contender” status so quickly. After that, it gets a little murky. No Punt Intended went out and heeded my words. I told them they needed to “prove it” and a pair of wins against Uncle Rico’s and GLBS is a great start, but it doesn’t fully prove it to me. NPI didn’t beat Uncle Rico’s as much as Uncle Rico’s beat themselves, and in the game against GLBS, the Great Lakes QB hurt his knee so Glenn Bird had to step in. Still need a bit more proof they’re for real, but this is a start. Just as GLBS gets going, their QB may be injured. Hopefully things weren’t too serious, because they were one of the hottest teams in the TSL. Indecent Exposure hasn’t made a ton of noise recently, but then again, neither does a lion before it pounces on its unsuspecting prey. Watch out for this squad come playoff time. Puckett All-Stars and Full Throttle look to be battling for that final playoff spot, but both teams just aren’t clicking and they may have to consider some philosophy changes on both sides of the ball. Cobblestone has a lot going for them: amazing people, great new girls, sweet jerseys, a surefire hall of fame supermodel quarterback, great attitudes (mostly), but poor results. They’ve only scored 100 points so far, while they’ve allowed 214. Unless they have a miraculous turnaround, it might be better for them to drop to D5/R3 and get their newer players accustomed to the TSL.

 

This Week’s Games:

No Punt Intended vs Full Throttle (+10) – No Punt Intended appears to have gotten their groove back, but was that just a lot of good luck going their way? Full Throttle appears to be self-destructing, and I’m sure if they can stop the bleeding this season. NO PUNT INTENDED BY 7

 

Puckett All-Stars vs Cobblestone (+3) – If Cobblestone is going to turn things around, and its not impossible for them to make the playoffs, they need to win this game. Puckett is looking at this game as a must win scenario, and a loss here could stick the final fork into the season. Darryl works his magic. COBBLESTONE BY 2

 

End Game vs Hung Buffalo (+3) – If you’re doing something at 1:00, stop whatever it is, and go to Field 3. Hung Buffalo and End Game are going to slug it out in what should be one of the day’s best games. End Game is out to prove they’re still the best team in the division, and Hung Buffalo is out to prove them wrong. END GAME BY 3

 

D5/R3

 

THE CONTENDERS

Matty’s Angels (6-0), Cunning Stunts (6-1)

 

THE BEST NON GENDER TEAMS

Ugandan Warriors (4-1), Pink Pteratacos (4-1)

 

THE EXCITING MIDDLE OF THE PACK

Come From Behind (3-3), vandalay industries (2-3), Hope N Ruin (2-4)

 

THE NOT EXCITING END OF THE PACK

Five Star Generals (1-5)

 

THE RELEGATED

HomeTech (0-5), Over Compensators (0-5)

 

Last Week’s Games:

Matty’s Angels 45, Come From Behind 40

Ugandan Warriors 61, Five Star Generals 6

Cunning Stunts 46, Over Compensators 0

Vandalay Industries 22, HomeTech 15

Ugandan Warriors 27, Hope N Ruin 6

 

 

Who run the world? Girls. The Angels have been beating teams handily and have seemed destined to run to the title. Of course, they’ve seemed this way before and have blown it in the playoffs, so there’s always a chance history repeats itself. The Stunts are just as good offensively as the Angels, but they’ve been playing better defense. I can’t wait for these two teams to collide. Not to be outdone, the Ugandan Warriors have been ON FIRE, dunking on teams. They won their double header with an 88-12 combined score. Blasé has his team looking sharp, and this week’s battle with the Angels is a big one. The Pink Pteratacos have been good as well this season, and their biggest hurdle is themselves. If they can keep a cooler head, and stay focused, they pose a threat to the title as well. Come From Behind, vandalay, and Hope N Ruin are all very similar in that they’re smart, veteran teams that you just can’t sleep on. Any of these teams can beat you if you let them hang around for too long. The Five Star Generals are having an awful go in D5, but they’ve shown some flashes of improvement here and there. And I realize I’m saying that after they lost by 55 points. While I love HomeTech and the Over Compensators, both of these teams feel like they’d be better served “figuring it out” in D6/R4. That’s not meant to be a slight, for the record.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Matty’s Angels vs Ugandan Warriors (+8) – The Angels vs Ace rivalry was one of the league’s fiercest for a second there in the TSL. Ugandan is essentially the Super Shredder version of Ace, and both teams want nothing more than to beat the other here. There’s more at stake here than just a football game. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 3

 

Five Star Generals vs Over Compensators (+3) – Both teams are feeling pretty low after last week. There’s no doubt in my mind both team’s group chats are saying the same things. “This is our week!”, “We have to win this game!”, “What field are we on again?”, etc. FIVE STAR GENERALS BY 10

 

Hope N Ruin vs HomeTech (+7) – Hope N Ruin is gearing up for another “Hey we didn’t see that happening!” playoff run. HomeTech is just hoping to score more than 1 point. HOPE N RUIN BY 7

 

Vandalay Industries vs Over Compensators (+7) – For what it’s worth, if the OC was going to go 2-0 in a week, this could be it. Team Topper Lite has struggled a bit at times and they tend to play to their competition more often than not. I just don’t see anything from the OC that says they can do it. VANDALAY INDUSTRIES BY 9

 

Pink Pteratacos vs Come From Behind (+3) – I just told everyone not to sleep on Come From Behind. For as intense as Mark can be, I think he knows that too, and he’s telling his team the same stuff. I think this will be a lowkey fun game to watch, and people should be talking about it at the bar afterwards. If the Pteratacos are for real, they need this one. PINK PTERATACOS BY 1

 

 

D6/R4

 

THE CONTENDERS

Jabronies (4-0), Practice Squad (4-0)

 

THE ALMOST THERES

The Bambs (2-3), TMA (2-3)

 

THE PRETENDERS

pAssless Chaps (1-4), The Bi-Polar Express (1-4)

 

Last Week’s Games:

Practice Squad 34, TMA 6

Jabronies 41, The Bambs 27

pAssless Chaps 18, The Bi-Polar Express 0

The Bi-Polar Express 18, The Bambs 0

 

 

This division is shaping up to be a Jabronies – Practice Squad final. They’ve separated themselves from the pack, and have proven to be the top two teams in the division for sure. And on top of it all, we get a bonafide slobberknocker doubleheader this week! The race for D6/R4 supremacy is ON, and its going to be on Field 4 at Noon and again at 2:00. The Bambs and TMA are too inconsistent to be able to be placed in the same tier as the contenders. Once they find their groove though, they can absolutely compete. pAssless Chaps finally played a good game for its entirety and they were rewarded with their first victory of the season. The Bi-Polar Express proved their name, losing 18-0 before winning 18-0. The girls are improving though (Remember the name Sarah Palazza), and as long as Gordon’s foot doesn’t fall off (word is that he made a request with the league to have Tommy Hughes play for him if it does) they can continue to be a tough out for any team in the division.

 

This Week’s Games:

Jabronies vs Practice Squad (EVEN, DOUBLEHEADER) – The scheduling gods were kind to us for this week. I think we’ll see two amazing games, but in the end, I think we’ll see one team go to 6-0. JABRONIES BY 3 AND JABRONIES BY 7

 

The Bambs vs TMA (+3) – The Bambs aren’t thrilled with last week’s 0-2 record, though word is they were incredibly shorthanded. TMA’s roller coaster of an existence took a downturn last week, but historically that means it’ll be on the up and up this time around. TMA BY 6

 

pAssless Chaps vs The Bi-Polar Express (+8) – These two teams JUST played each other. BPX didn’t look too great last time, but that should make them hungry for this one. Can the chaps put together two solid efforts in a row? PASSLESS CHAPS BY 1

 

TMA vs The Bi-Polar Express (+8) – TMA had a fantastic defensive plan for BPE last time these two met and rolled to a victory. This one should be closer but expect TMA to pull it out. TMA BY 7

 

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

1.      Will Dubey show up? Title Shot is clearly a better team with him than without him.

2.      Are people staying at the bar anymore? Reports have said it’s a ghost town around 6:00, unless we’re getting kicked out for a “private party”, then it’s earlier.

3.      Will Public Enemy finally lose? The return of Bobby McConnell combined with how off PE has seemed lately is making me think yes.

4.      Why is YOUR team the next team I should be talking about? Email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and tell me why.

5.      Will we ever have DJ’s at the fields again? It’d be nice to have them rocking some tunes for everyone instead of other people’s speakers blaring Pandora radio commercials.

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

 

1.      The path for a day of excellent games is as follows: 10:00 – Stand between Field 2 and 3 for All We Do Is Quinn vs Peachy Platoon and Matty’s Angels vs Ugandan Warriors. 11:00 – Field 2 for Public Enemy vs Eyes Downtown. 12:00 – Field 4 for Jabronies vs Practice Squad Part 1. 1:00 – Field 3 for Hung Buffalo vs End Game. 2:00 – Field 2 for Energy Buff vs A&A Part 2. 3:00 – Field 1 for Sticky Bandits vs Slytherin That End Zone

2.      Breakfast Club predictions: Emc Hammertime 27 – Peanut Butter Kelly Time 20, Schilling Em Softly 38 – Bern Them All 35, Hot TaMolly’s 28 – Natural Born Kellers 24.

3.      Dave Wilbern not wearing a shirt is just not fair to the rest of the league.

4.      Sadly, we have to postpone our spring party, which was being known as “Lenny Day” until June 15^th. The Singing barbershop quartet couldn’t commit to this weekend.

5.      As games get more intense with playoffs approaching, its time for my friendly reminder for everyone to REMEMBER THIS IS JUST A GAME AND TO NOT BE JERKS TO EACH OTHER.

6.      My Game of the Week is going to be All We Do Is Quinn vs Peachy Platoon. I can’t wait to see the results from that one.

7.      I must say, it’s a lot of fun to finally be on the other side of the “Who writes the article??” mystery when it comes to The Sentinel and the QB Rankings. I think I know who they are. No, I’m not telling.

8.      It was awesome to hear that the Neff family came around this past week. They’re awesome people, and league royalty.

9.      I miss the days people could bring dogs to the fields. Perhaps we can get a gated portion and make a TSL dog park? That’d be something.

10.   I’ll say it again, PLEASE don’t bring your own alcohol to the fields. It’s such a bad look for our entire league when people do it. Be respectful.

 

The league is entering the homestretch and it looks like its going to be a riot. Good luck to everyone and be safe out there. And wear sunscreen.