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And we’re off! After a week hiatus, the Race for Social Co-Ed Touch Football Immortality has begun! For those of you who are new to this adventure, you’ll need to know that the regular season of the TSL is just the warmup for the true main event that comes in the final two weeks of June. Teams that looked beyond good a week ago will fall apart before the season ends. Teams that struggled this week will find their mojo and you’ll find them playing for a title as a #6 seed “Surprise” team as well. Nothing was decided last week, even if that one person in your team chat is already freaking out. You know who I’m talking about. 

 

Yes, everyone reading this just had someone jump into their mind quickly. That really goes to show you how you feel about that person. 

 

However, there is always some merit to how the season started. Teams who had a slow start could be teetering on the edge of a “season from hell”. Those hot start teams definitely can ride the wave of momentum to an undefeated season that nobody was predicting. After talking with my super secret spies, and looking at the results on my computer out here in Des Moines, I was able to identify some of the best early season storylines we’re going to follow. 

 

-Teams that moved up look mostly really good:

 

-The Malones look more than D1 ready after dismantling What A Dump

-Either BQI is going to decimate D3, or Practice Squad should’ve all done the “Kenny” and retired in their prime

-Tud Buds might be for real

-Blue Ballers run CFB off the fields

-Flying Balls struggle for the first time maybe ever

-NSS looks weak, fans start to chant for Rags to reclaim QB throne

 

-Is Eyes Downtown in trouble? 

-Is TMA?

-John Langley breaks own TSL record for most injuries to open season, yet isn’t to blame for “Stonehands” Dropewicz’s play.

-New teams pulling out close wins over veteran teams: Birds of War, 716ers look good

-Show Me Your TDs look like the SMYTDs of old, despite zero relation to the worst team in TSL history (despite a love for being shutout)

-Tino clearly favoring Irish Giants over Mo’ Chicken. Decisions may loom. 

-Non Pregnant PowerPuffs pick up where the last ones left off, humble Balls Deep

-Stunts and Wanderers Tie! 

-Cobblestone has players, and they were actually at the game!

-Week 1 schedule completely rescheduled throughout the season, Jeff Krol quoted as saying “After this, having a second child will be a breeze down easy street.”

 

And that’s just after one week of games. I can only wonder what’s going to happen here in Week 3. Let’s find out. 

D1

LAST WEEK’S GAMES:

Legends 23, Eyes Downtown 20
Sticky Bandits 38, Eyes Downtown 14
The Malones 50, What A Dump 10
Freeballers 29, Mavericks 16

 

That didn’t take long. The Malones burst onto the scene with a 40-point beatdown of What a Dump and instantly inserted themselves into the title conversation. Sticky Bandits looked every bit like a contender in dismantling Eyes Downtown, who suddenly finds themselves 0-2 and under pressure immediately. The Legends once again handled business in a marquee matchup, because of course they did, while Freeballers may have had the sneakiest impressive result of the week by taking down Mavericks despite prized QB acquisition Buddy Lee not even playing. 

 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES:

MAVERICKS vs STICKY BANDITS (-10) - The Sticky Bandits look like they’re the slight "team to beat” after the dismantling of Eyes Downtown, who no doubt were doing three a days this week. The Mavs lost to the Freeballers, and D2 is looking pretty sexy after one week. They’ll bounce back, just not this week. STICKY BANDITS BY 12

FREEBALLERS vs THE MALONES (-4) - The Week 3 battle for first place game that everyone had written down before the season comes to fruition. Both teams had great first games, but in reality The Malones are once again the talk of the league (as they tend to do) after looking spectacular against WAD. The Freeballers were also impressive against the Mavs, but they weren’t “talk of the town” impressive. A Freeballers win would be epic news but The Malones looked too good to go against. As they like to say, “Fuck Rhace”. THE MALONES BY 17

FREEBALLERS vs WHAT A DUMP (EVEN) - What A Dump got dumped on last week, and they get the Freeballers in the second half of a doubleheader this week. It feels like the right time for them to right the ship quickly. WHAT A DUMP BY 3

 

D2

LAST WEEK’S GAMES:

D-Generation XYZ 40, Buffalo Vice 33
Can’t Touch This 24, Jabronies 22
Jabronies 31, Frodo Swaggins 22

D2 already feels exactly like we drew it up: tight, competitive, and mildly stressful for everybody involved. D-Generation XYZ survived a strong effort from Buffalo Vice, while Can’t Touch This once again started the season hot because apparently some things never change. The Jabronies rebounded from a brutal close loss to CTT by taking down Frodo and reminding everyone that they’re still one of the most dangerous teams in the division. Good luck to all of the teams having to deal with this every single week.

 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES:

D-GENERATION XYZ vs JABRONIES (-2) - The Kellers had a really nice start to the season, but with all due respect to Buffalo Vice, the Jabronies are a bit of a different animal. Trying to keep with Ray and Charles will make you go blind. If DXYZ truly is a contender here, we’ll find out this week. JABRONIES BY 8

 

D3

LAST WEEK’S GAMES:

ISH 32, Bullet Club 18
Bullet Club 33, Let’s Get Reccked 27
Cunning Stunts 36, Wanderers 36
Two Tuddies 29, Wanderers 20
BQI 34, Practice Squad 0

D3 wasted absolutely no time becoming the chaos division we all expected. BQI made the entire league collectively raise an eyebrow by annihilating Practice Squad in their first game after jumping two divisions. ISH looked explosive once again, while Bullet Club recovered from their opening loss by surviving a shootout with Let’s Get Reccked. The ‘New Look’ Wanderers already feel difficult to evaluate after tying one game and losing another, while Two Tuddies quietly put together one of the better opening performances in the division. As for Cunning Stunts, they remain annoying to play against and probably aren’t going anywhere, especially now that their lone male grows three and a half feet on defense.

 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES:

ISH vs WANDERERS (-3) - Game of the Day potential here as the Wanderers take on Buddy Lee and ISH. Expect a close one. ISH BY 2

BULLET CLUB vs WANDERERS (-5) - A rivalry renewed yet again as Bullet Club takes on the Wanderers in a matchup that historically is always played VERY close no matter who is playing for which side, and this one feels like it’ll be no different. Frank vs Jordan at QB? I’m sure that will go smoothly. BULLET CLUB BY 3

BQI vs LET’S GET RECCKED (EVEN) - LQR looked better than the result showed against Bullet Club last week, and they present a different type of look for BQI. Yes, BQI looked amazing in week 2, but the regression monster feels like it’ll come around on them this week. I mean, they’ll look good, just not AS good. BQI BY 8

CUNNING STUNTS vs TWO TUDDIES (-2) - We actually live in a world where the Two Tuddies are favored against the Cunning Stunts. Read that again. 2025 you thinks you’re lying. But its true. The Tuddies are either going to be super awesome all season or they’re going to come back down to Earth ever so slightly. I’m going with super awesome. TWO TUDDIES BY 10

GREY HAIR – DON’T CARE vs PRACTICE SQUAD (-3) - Grey Hair returns to D3 after a stint in D2 that didn’t exactly set the world on fire. They should be competitive in most games, but they’re getting a reeling Practice Squad team that could really use a “get right” game. This feels like one of those weeks where B has told everyone how “locked in” he is going into the game, which, look out GHDC. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 7

 

D4

LAST WEEK’S GAMES:

Tater Tots 48, Flying Balls 22
Coochie Monsters 34, Cobblestone 6
Puckett 37, Not So Sticky 6
PowerPuff Girls 17, Balls Deep 6
Mike’s Detailing 36, Show Me Your TDs 0

If there’s one takeaway from D4 after one week, it’s this: absolutely nobody knows who’s winning this division anymore. Puckett looked terrifying in dismantling NSS, Mike’s Detailing backed up the offseason hype with a shutout, and the Tater Tots reminded everyone that they don’t really believe in rust. PowerPuff Girls once again proved they’re never an easy out, while Balls Deep’s highly anticipated move up to D4 didn’t quite go as planned. Coochie Monsters looked impressive in their opener, regardless of if it were Cobblestone or not. D4 already feels like the usual “once you think you know the answers I change the questions” type of division it tends to be. 

 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES:

BALLS DEEP vs COOCHIE MONSTERS (-2) - Balls Deep scored their lowest point total in what feels like forever a week ago, and that simply won’t always be the case. They’re going to get things moving on the offensive side of the ball very quickly. The Coochies had a great start to their season, but now they find themselves with a real test this week. Both of these teams have something to prove in D4, which means this is one to watch. Flip a coin here. Actually, the tag line for going Balls Deep into the Coochie Monsters writes itself. BALLS DEEP BY 2

COOCHIE MONSTERS vs FLYING BALLS (-6) - The Coochies get more Balls just a short time later, as the Flying Balls come to town looking to lick their wounds after the beatdown the Tots put on them. They’re too talented to lose again so soon. FLYING BALLS BY 8

NOT SO STICKY vs SHOW ME YOUR TDS (+10) - The plus side for Show Me Your TDs here is that NSS never has that many to show in the first place. The negative side is that SMYTDs hasn’t scored a single point at all just yet. I want to believe that the name isn’t cursed, but if they get shut out again, Jeff should immediately offer them a mid-season name change. NOT SO STICKY BY 13, BUT TDS SCORE. 

NOT SO STICKY vs POWERPUFF GIRLS (-3) - I don’t see how this line is only 3, but then again these aren’t your father’s Powerpuff Girls. With the A squad pregnant, the B and C squads are starting this season, and maybe next too. But don’t let them fool you, this team’s “C” Squad is better than your favorite team’s best players. HOWEVER, with a newer roster still gelling, and NSS being pretty good at picking on teams like that, I smell an upset of sorts. NOT SO STICKY BY 1

POWERPUFF GIRLS vs PUCKETT (-2) - Yeah, so, Puckett was beyond awesome last week. They’re overdue for a title. I feel like this trend is going to continue all season. This one will be a doozy. PUCKETT BY 10

MIKE’S DETAILING vs TATER TOTS (-1) - A matchup of the two best looking teams in D4 last week? We should be so lucky. While D4 has no sure things, there is still a better than 37% chance that this could be the championship game this season. My prediction? These two meet as the 2v3 seed game, beating the hell out of each other to soften them up for whoever they play in the title game. But as for this week? Shootout. TATER TOTS BY 2

D5

LAST WEEK’S GAMES:

Birds of War 31, Pit Harade 28
Blitzkrieg 50, Mo’ Chicken 6
Wet Bandits 18, SBG 6
716ers 24, Sausage McMuffins 21
Blue Ballers 46, Come From Behind 12

D5 may have already produced the most overreactions in the league after just one week. Blitzkrieg and Blue Ballers both looked terrifying offensively, while Wet Bandits immediately made a name for themselves as “best new team in the division” by handling SBG. Birds of War survived a very solid Pit Harade squad in what may end up being a sneaky important win later in the year, while 716ers earned immediate respect by winning their debut game. Meanwhile, Mo’ Chicken and Come From Behind already find themselves trying to avoid an early spiral.

 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES:

BLITZKRIEG vs SBG (+12) - Man, Blitzkrieg looked really good last week. This team continues to improve season after season, and there’s a better than decent chance that this is the season that they just stomp everyone and walk to D4. SBG needs to figure some things out, that’s for sure. If they’re going to stack up at all with the title contenders, this is the week to show us SOMETHING. BLITZKRIEG BY 20

CALL THE DOCTOR vs PIT HARADE (EVEN) - Pit Harade lost the game against Birds of War late, and their reward is to get to play another brand new team they don’t really know anything about. CTD hasn’t played a game yet this season, but they have the “bones” (i.e. names I’ve heard of before) to be pretty good here. CALL THE DOCTOR BY 6

 

BLUE BALLERS vs SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS (+8) - The Blue Ballers didn’t miss a single beat after moving up a division, and they were on fire. The McMuffins should provide slightly more of a test than CFB did a week ago, but I don’t think it’ll make that much of a difference. BLUE BALLERS BY 14

BIRDS OF WAR vs WET BANDITS (+3) - Birds of War played as well as advertised last week, and they’re only going to keep improving as the weeks go on. The Wet Bandits are also 1-0 after an easy win over SBG, but I’m going to need to see more from them before I believe. Not that I’ve seen much from BOW, but I’m going with pedigree here. BIRDS OF WAR BY 8

D6

LAST WEEK’S GAMES:

Intentional Clowning 33, TMA 10
Irish Giants 29, Sticky Laces 28

D6 somehow had two games, but they both were polar opposites. Intentional Clowning absolutely dominated TMA in a result that nobody really saw coming, winning in a blowout and instantly making IC look like one of the teams to beat in the division. That isn’t to say nobody thought they’d win. IC is a good team, we just weren’t expecting the blowout win. Meanwhile,  the Irish Giants escaped Sticky Laces by a single point in one of the best games of the week, while the Laces at least proved they’re going to be competitive despite the offseason questions surrounding the team.

THIS WEEK’S GAMES:

STICKY LACES vs INTENTIONAL CLOWNING (-6) - Clowning showed up and showed out last week in a statement win over TMA that puts them right at the top of the championship race in D6. The Sticky Laces, to their credit, only lost by a point to the Irish Giants so they may be closer to the title than we think. This game will go a long way towards showing that. INTENTIONAL CLOWNING BY 8

SELECT vs TMA (-2) - TMA might only be favored at this point because of history. They didn’t look great last week, although word is, in typical TMA fashion, alcohol may have played a role. A bounce back against Select is needed. Select was a team that was hard to fully get a handle on last season. One week you’d expect them to break out, then they’d disappoint you. I don’t expect them to be in “midseason form” yet. TMA BY 1

RAW MILKERS vs SELECT (-4) - BUT now Select has a game under their belts by this one, whereas the Milkers (who were also up and down last season) have to figure some stuff out and I expect a little first game jitters. SELECT BY 3

STICKY LACES vs IRISH GIANTS (-3) - You have to love the rematches so early in the season, especially when the two teams just had a great game against each other. Sticky gets revenge. STICKY LACES BY 1

RAW MILKERS vs IRISH GIANTS (-8) - The Giants and Milkers will be in their second game of the day, but until proven otherwise, the Giants are simply the better team. IRISH GIANTS BY 10

 

GF vs GPT

 

LAST WEEK:

AGAINST THE SPREAD
Topper’s Super Computer: 12-12
The Godfather: 10-14

STRAIGHT UP
Topper’s Super Computer: 13-11
The Godfather: 13-11

OVERALL SEASON:

AGAINST THE SPREAD
Topper’s Super Computer: 12-12
The Godfather: 10-14

STRAIGHT UP
Topper’s Super Computer: 13-11
The Godfather: 13-11

 

Not the greatest start for me, but that just means I was inspiring teams to “prove me wrong” as I often do. Here are the picks for the TSC: 

D1

Mavericks vs Sticky Bandits (-10) — STICKY BANDITS BY 13

Freeballers vs The Malones (-4) — THE MALONES BY 6

Freeballers vs What a Dump (-8) — FREEBALLERS BY 10

D2

D-Generation XYZ vs Jabronies (-2) — JABRONIES BY 4

D3

ISH vs Wanderers (-3) — WANDERERS BY 5

Bullet Club vs Wanderers (-5) — WANDERERS BY 2

BQI vs Let’s Get Reccked (EVEN) — BQI BY 7

Cunning Stunts vs Two Tuddies (-2) — TWO TUDDIES BY 3

Grey Hair – Don’t Care vs Practice Squad (-3) — PRACTICE SQUAD BY 6

D4

Balls Deep vs Coochie Monsters (-2) — COOCHIE MONSTERS BY 4

Coochie Monsters vs Flying Balls (-6) — COOCHIE MONSTERS BY 10

Not So Sticky vs Show Me Your TDs (+10) — SHOW ME YOUR TDS BY 3

Not So Sticky vs PowerPuff Girls (-3) — POWERPUFF GIRLS BY 5

PowerPuff Girls vs Puckett (-2) — PUCKETT BY 6

Mike’s Detailing vs Tater Tots (-1) — TATER TOTS BY 2

D5

Blitzkrieg vs SBG (+12) — BLITZKRIEG BY 18

Call the Doctor vs Pit Harade (EVEN) — CALL THE DOCTOR BY 4

Blue Ballers vs Sausage McMuffins (+8) — BLUE BALLERS BY 14

Birds of War vs Wet Bandits (+3) — BIRDS OF WAR BY 6

D6

Sticky Laces vs Intentional Clowning (-6) — INTENTIONAL CLOWNING BY 8

Select vs TMA (-2) — TMA BY 3

Raw Milkers vs Select (-4) — SELECT BY 7

Sticky Laces vs Irish Giants (-3) — IRISH GIANTS BY 4

Raw Milkers vs Irish Giants (-8) — IRISH GIANTS BY 12

 

GAME LINES AND OVER/UNDERS

D1

Mavericks vs Sticky Bandits
Spread: Sticky Bandits -10
Moneyline: Sticky Bandits -450 / Mavericks +320
Over/Under: 69.5

Freeballers vs The Malones
Spread: The Malones -4
Moneyline: The Malones -185 / Freeballers +155
Over/Under: 74.5

Freeballers vs What a Dump
Spread: Freeballers -8
Moneyline: Freeballers -325 / What a Dump +240
Over/Under: 67.5

D2

D-Generation XYZ vs Jabronies
Spread: Jabronies -2
Moneyline: Jabronies -135 / D-Generation XYZ +115
Over/Under: 72.5

D3

ISH vs Wanderers
Spread: Wanderers -3
Moneyline: Wanderers -155 / ISH +135
Over/Under: 71.5

Bullet Club vs Wanderers
Spread: Wanderers -5
Moneyline: Wanderers -220 / Bullet Club +180
Over/Under: 73.5

BQI vs Let’s Get Reccked
Spread: EVEN
Moneyline: BQI -110 / Let’s Get Reccked -110
Over/Under: 68.5

Cunning Stunts vs Two Tuddies
Spread: Two Tuddies -2
Moneyline: Two Tuddies -130 / Cunning Stunts +110
Over/Under: 75.5

Grey Hair – Don’t Care vs Practice Squad
Spread: Practice Squad -3
Moneyline: Practice Squad -155 / GHDC +135
Over/Under: 65.5

D4

Balls Deep vs Coochie Monsters
Spread: Coochie Monsters -2
Moneyline: Coochie Monsters -130 / Balls Deep +110
Over/Under: 61.5

Coochie Monsters vs Flying Balls
Spread: Coochie Monsters -6
Moneyline: Coochie Monsters -260 / Flying Balls +210
Over/Under: 66.5

Not So Sticky vs Show Me Your TDs
Spread: Show Me Your TDs -10
Moneyline: Show Me Your TDs -450 / Not So Sticky +320
Over/Under: 58.5

Not So Sticky vs PowerPuff Girls
Spread: PowerPuff Girls -3
Moneyline: PowerPuff Girls -155 / Not So Sticky +135
Over/Under: 57.5

PowerPuff Girls vs Puckett
Spread: Puckett -2
Moneyline: Puckett -130 / PowerPuff Girls +110
Over/Under: 56.5

Mike’s Detailing vs Tater Tots
Spread: Tater Tots -1
Moneyline: Tater Tots -120 / Mike’s Detailing EVEN
Over/Under: 63.5

D5

Blitzkrieg vs SBG
Spread: Blitzkrieg -12
Moneyline: Blitzkrieg -650 / SBG +450
Over/Under: 71.5

Call the Doctor vs Pit Harade
Spread: EVEN
Moneyline: Call the Doctor -110 / Pit Harade -110
Over/Under: 64.5

Blue Ballers vs Sausage McMuffins
Spread: Blue Ballers -8
Moneyline: Blue Ballers -340 / Sausage McMuffins +250
Over/Under: 74.5

Birds of War vs Wet Bandits
Spread: Birds of War -3
Moneyline: Birds of War -155 / Wet Bandits +135
Over/Under: 66.5

D6

Sticky Laces vs Intentional Clowning
Spread: Intentional Clowning -6
Moneyline: Intentional Clowning -260 / Sticky Laces +210
Over/Under: 59.5

Select vs TMA
Spread: TMA -2
Moneyline: TMA -130 / Select +110
Over/Under: 54.5

Raw Milkers vs Select
Spread: Select -4
Moneyline: Select -185 / Raw Milkers +155
Over/Under: 57.5

Sticky Laces vs Irish Giants
Spread: Irish Giants -3
Moneyline: Irish Giants -155 / Sticky Laces +135
Over/Under: 58.5

Raw Milkers vs Irish Giants
Spread: Irish Giants -8
Moneyline: Irish Giants -340 / Raw Milkers +250
Over/Under: 61.5

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY: 

IS EYES DOWNTOWN ALREADY IN TROUBLE?  It’s hard to say a team that lost by 3 to the Legends would be in trouble, but that Sticky Blowout has to make you wonder if Eyes Downtown is the “Season From Hell” team or not. The real issue here is if The Malones are for real or not, and maybe even the Freeballers, I guess, but we sort of know better there. However, if they both are legit, Things could get bad for ED quickly. A week off for one of the league’s marquee franchises came at the right time. 

 

IS BQI THE REAL DEAL OR WAS PRACTICE SQUAD JUST ASLEEP? I think this is one of those scenarios where if these teams played 10 times, you’d get them splitting the games 5-5, and each team would have an outlier win. This is the BQI outlier win. I don’t think they’re as good as they looked but I DO think they’re for real. And with Practice Squad, that was probably as bad as it gets for them, and they’ve shown in the past that they bounce back from these outings. The answer lies somewhere in the middle. 

 

HOW IS BREAKFAST CLUB LOOKING? The early results are promising for sure. We had a game come down to the last play, another one was back and forth, and while the last game was a little bit of a blowout, I was told that it was only a couple of plays away from being much closer. The dream of a super even and exciting Breakfast Club is alive and well! 

 

HOW WERE THE NEW LOOK FIELDS? The fields were awesome. Lots of people reported that despite the long walk to get to them, once you’re there they look amazing. Maybe it’s just everyone being in love with football being back and they’ll be complaining soon enough, or maybe people just can appreciate the work that the Rose Garden is apparently putting into the TSL? I remain skeptical. 

 

SKEPTICAL? WELL ABOUT THIS THEN?

 

Holy crap. A bar special? On buckets? Is this real life? Maybe the times really are a changin’. 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

 

 

• Parking isn’t great, but let’s use our brains people. DON’T be the one who triple parks and blocks somebody in because you couldn’t be bothered to show up early to the games despite being told to get there sooner and you don’t want to walk. You never know if someone is going to have an emergency. 

 

 

 

• Breakfast Club Predictions: 

• Steph Infection 27, On A Rampaige 24

• Fittsmagic 40, Water Under The Bridget 22

• Total CARnage 24, Megoonsta’s 23

 

 

 

• Shout out to Jeff Krol for rescheduling ALL of the Week 1 rainout games! 

 

 

 

• Please let The Malones be for real. 

 

 

 

• Apparently the TSL Podcast is having trouble posting on Spotify right now, but you can listen to it on the site here under the “Podcasts” tab! If you want to be on the show, you can ask Tino, Joe K, Dorene, email Jeff Krol, or if you’re new and have no clue who those people are, you can really just ask the bar to point out who those people are to you. 

 

 

 

• Balls Deep needs to be better than that, and they know it. 

 

 

 

• Looking at a 63 degree day with no rain according to my Super Kool Weather App. You could be in for a GREAT day! 

 

 

 

• I already fear that the Blue Ballers needed to jump up another division and they might burn through D5. 

 

 

 

• Remember, if you feel like you’re not getting enough publicity here, you can always email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and let me know why we should be spotlighting you and your team. 

 

 

 

• A mostly drama free Week 2 has started us down the path of a fantastic Spring 2026 session! Get your sunscreen out, and leave your ratchet attitudes at home.

 

-GF OUT 

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