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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, tomorrow morning you will once again be able to descend upon the Angry Buffalo, check into your Topper Sports COVID app, put your gloves on along with your cleats and your matching colored shirts and prepare for battle as the Race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality rages on!

 

I know you’re just as excited to play as I am to hear about how you played. I appreciate those of you who consistently text, telegram, and email me. The few who still fax me, I appreciate you even more. My conversations with some of the league’s best on a weekly (or bi-weekly) basis have been awesome. I still don’t get to hear from enough of you though! I know for a fact that a very large chunk of you read this article on a weekly basis. You wait all week for it. Yeah, you get to read The Sentinel to hold you over. And the power rankings are fun. . . if you’re a QB. The podcast is a nice, and long, look into the league. But we know where the bread is buttered here. This article is the reason you check the site at least once a week. So why don’t you take a few minutes out of your week to give me the heads up on how your team is doing, or what you think about the league,  or really just about anything TSL related so I can give you (and others) the proper shoutouts? Just email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and let’s chat. There are too many players whose names I don’t know, and I want them to get the proper publicity! The TSL is all about giving the right people their credit, so come and give some! New stars, new storylines, new faces. It’s all part of the fun of the TSL, and the more information the better.

 

Okay, shameless plugs and pleas for help aside, WEEK FOUR IS HERE! The fun starts fast and furious as Breakfast Club seems to have multiple bets on their games this week. And the action stays hot and heavy all the way through 4:00. Teams are continuing to hit their stride while others may or may not be slightly cracking under the intense pressure to perform in the World’s Greatest Co-Ed Football Experience.

 

Also, for those that didn’t know, May 15^th is also “Buy Topper a Corona and Take A Picture With Him” Day. Please email me all of your pictures with Topper so we can post them on the website/Facebook/Instagram and see just how many pictures we can get of our “Lord” (this is apparently a thing we’re doing?) and his people.

 

Best picture with Topper from this Saturday will win a free bucket.

 

No, he doesn’t know this is happening. At least he didn’t, until he read this.

 

Good luck!

 

Now, onto the games!

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Tight Ends In Motion 52, Sloppy Seconds 20

Eyes Downtown 43, Sloppy Seconds 40

Sticky Bandits 21, Why So Serious 0 (Forfeit, obviously)

Public Enemy 34, Eyes Downtown 28

 

The league’s most boring and uninteresting division continues on being just that. Tight Ends show that they’re ALMOST the class of D1 as they’re on a collision course with Public Enemy for the “Let’s get revenge because we blew the last title game” rematch, disposing of Sloppy Seconds. However, it’s pretty fun to see Sloppy Seconds versus the New Eyes Downtown play a game where Sloppy should’ve won it. And if you’re basically a brand new roster, is that time to change your team name? This isn’t Eyes Downtown. Of course I don’t even know what they’d call themselves now, probably something dumb like “Bobby’s Boys” so maybe they just keep it for now. Anyway, it took an entire team not to show up for Sticky to score more than single digits, so good for them. It’s almost like Sticky needs one more piece to start competing more. It’s almost like a Dave Baker-type player would be perfect for them. Finally, Public Enemy got its first real test of the season, and they passed it with flying colors. They’re just dialed in, waiting for the Tight Ends game. That’s the real test.

 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Sloppy Seconds vs Sticky Bandits (+9) – Not a whole lot of action this time around in D1, but what we do have is a pretty nice “revenge” game for Alex Buchlis. Let’s face it, as much as we make fun of Baker for ditching Sticky, let’s give some attitude towards Tight Ends AND Sticky both for ditching Alex at QB when he got hurt for other QBs. Yeah, okay, maybe things have been good with Bro and Mike Thomas, but at some point you have to feel for Alex, who’s becoming the people’s champion in a way. I really hope he shows no mercy here. SLOPPY SECONDS BY 17

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Eyes Downtown (+8) – Tight Ends is on cruise control, while New Eyes Downtown (NED? Should we call them NED?) is rounding into form but still has a few hiccups in their growth together, which is to be expected. An upset would be quite spicy, but it’s not in the cards yet. TIGHT ENDS BY 13

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Slytherin That End Zone 31, Scared Hitless 7

When Dove Cries 23, Bullet Club 22

A&A 32, Losing Streak 6

Peachy Platoon 32, Mountain Dew Me 25

Peachy Platoon 46, XTC 34

 

               SITE came back after a week off and Matt Newman sort of reintroduced himself to D2, playing a great game and reminding EVERYONE just why SITE is a D2 favorite. Scared Hitless turned back into the mistake prone “maybe not quite ready for D2” team, which means they’re just not using Jonny Football nearly enough. Topper and Joe K went to battle for the 400^th time, and a late WDC TD lead to a win for Topper, who’s playing some great football. The problem with a new team like Losing Streak getting a lot of positive publicity is that they had to run into a Matty Ice who wasn’t getting enough. A&A did what they do best, and shut up not only their own critics, but they made the supporters of their opponents wonder just what exactly they were thinking. You forget how good Matty can be with a chip on his shoulder. Blame the power rankings committee. The Platoon had a nice win in the battle of “teams that are mostly families” and Mountain Dew Me is performing well with Joey Batts at QB, even if he seems slower than ever this season. Peachy would go on to play a fun game against XTC, but the old horses just didn’t have enough gas in the tank to keep up with these hyper athletic Thompsons, who I’m almost positive were grown in a lab somewhere down south.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

A&A vs Peachy Platoon (+2) – Oh, this one should be good. Really, really good. Matty vs Dean is an S-Tier level matchup, and A&A is one team that can match the Platoon’s speed and athleticism. This would be our Monday Night Football matchup, probably the best one of the Week hands down. Both teams are rolling right now. Give the nod to the slight experience. A&A BY 1

 

Bullet Club vs Slytherin That End Zone (+3) – These two teams have had a nice rivalry as of late, with some really good back and forth games. I think, with both teams at full capacity, that they’re evenly matched. It’ll come down to which QB makes a mistake first. Scotty and Newman are both just slinging it about as good as anyone right now. Can I predict a tie? No, I won’t. SITE BY 1

 

When Dove Cries vs Mountain Dew Me (+1) – What a slate of D2 games! Topper vs Joey Batts? Great stuff here. WDC seems very dialed in right now, while MDM is still figuring out a few kinks. If this game was played later in the season, it might be a different story, but for now: WHEN DOVE CRIES BY 1

 

XTC vs Scared Hitless (+7) – This is the game that Scared Hitless need to win if they’re going to do anything in the division this season. It isn’t that XTC are some pushovers, they’re extremely talented and they have approximately 42,560 seasons of combined experience here. But Father Time is creeping in and Scared Hitless should be able to out athletic XTC. But can they outsmart them? That is the question as two 0-3 teams look to get important playoff tiebreaker wins here.  SCARED HITLESS BY 1

 

Slytherin That End Zone vs Mountain Dew Me (+1) – The second game for both teams, the second tough matchup for both teams. I think the biggest question here is going to be just how will the MDM defense fare against the SITE play calling? I think that’s the biggest (even if its slight) advantage in the game, and that’s how SITE pulls this one out. SITE BY 1

 

Losing Streak vs Passed Our Prime (+3) – Will the real Passed Our Prime please stand up? POP looks like the chumps of the division, but most of that is because they’ve been playing with a skeleton crew, and Keyon can’t do everything. Losing Streak should be angry, licking their wounds after a bad day at the office last week against A&A. These two teams know each other very well, so this could be a really fun one. LOSING STREAK BY 1

 

Passed Our Prime vs Scared Hitless (+5) – It’s a double header week for both teams, but this is the kind of week that could really send both teams “to the moon” or have them looking towards next season. For those who don’t remember, D2 has 10 teams, which means two won’t make the playoffs. This is a match up of two teams that are currently winless, so we have another pretty big playoff tiebreaker matchup. PASSED OUR PRIME BY 1

 

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Frodo Swaggins 41, All We Do Is Quinn 34

Matty’s Angels 50, Vaspian 22

Top Shot 46, Wolfpack 14

The Untouchaballs 24, Grey Hair 22

Top Shot 25, Grey Hair 6

 

               All hail King Garrett. The Frodo QB put his team on the map yet again, and made everyone remember just how good they are. Frodo is now in the driver’s seat in D3, which is where they always have been. They seem to be rolling, while the doubts in Quinn’s head can start earlier this season. Matty’s Angels did that thing they do to everyone and just rolled Vaspian. There’s no shame in it. Top Shot did what they were supposed to do this week, and handily defeat both teams they played. They’re officially in “contender” status, and they’ll only go as far as Dylan Jaloza will take them. Or until they get sick of Blasé. Wolfpack and Grey Hair had some rough games, but there’s a lot of season left for them to get it together. The Untouchaballs finally cashed in on that “promise” they’ve been showing the league and notched their first win of the year.

 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Frodo Swaggins vs Matty’s Angels (+3) – Well, here’s the heavyweight bout people were looking for in D3. Frodo just took over the mantle of “team to beat” in the division, but the Angels have spent years beating the “team to beat” and morphing into the team to beat themselves. This is going to be a fantastic game, and if we showed games live on the internet (TOPPER! IDEA!) this would be a marquee attraction. I don’t know who to pick here, both teams are excellent, so I’ll go with the girls. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 6

 

Wolfpack vs Vaspian (+2) – Two teams still finding themselves as the season goes on, both show potential, but they also show that they don’t always reach said potential. This is a perfect game for both teams to get a win here, but let’s roll with “the underdog” here. VASPIAN BY 2

 

All We Do Is Quinn vs Wolfpack (+14) – I’m sorry Wolfpack. Not only do you have two games this week, the second one is against a very angry (or at least they should be) AWDIQ. Quinn doesn’t like to lose (regardless of how often they do it in the playoffs) and I think they’re refocused after last week’s loss. Maybe they underestimated Frodo without Scotty at QB? Who knows, but Wolfpack is probably going to pay for it. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 18

 

Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Vaspian (+2) – Two teams still finding themselves as the season goes on, both show potential, but they also show that they don’t always reach said potential. This is a perfect game for both teams to get a win here, but let’s roll with “the underdog” here. VASPIAN BY 2

Matty’s Angels vs Grey Hair (+15) – I just don’t think Grey Hair has the horses to run with the Angels. Grey Hair is talented, yes, but the key to keeping up with gender teams is get gender TDs of your own. I’m not sure Grey Hair has the female talent to score gender TDs every time and that will hurt them here. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 24

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Buffalo Vice 51, Itches and Ohs 16

Jabronies 38, TOX 28

Cunning Stunts 43, Woodpeckers 15

Practice Squad 40, Cobblestone 8

Practice Squad 31, Jabronies 28

Cobblestone 46, Not So Sticky 7

 

               Buffalo Vice just showed again why they may be D4’s most complete team. Just dominant in another victory. The Jabronies had two very impressive games, winning against TOX, and looking good in defeat to Practice Squad. Practice Squad went 2-0, and while they RUINED Darryl’s first game back, they showed that they’re going to be in the mix for this title. There hasn’t been a better overall free agent acquisition for a team than when PS got B to QB. Best story in the league. The Stunts abused the Woodpeckers who were reportedly falling apart on each other on the sidelines. That’s not a good sign. Guys, everyone loses to the Stunts, don’t take it personally. They’re GOOD. And finally, Darryl just beat up on Jeff Krol’s side project, and he was incredibly gracious in victory it seems, drinking with NSS afterwards. Just a quality human.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Practice Squad vs Woodpeckers (+21) – This is where we’re at in three weeks. The Peckers went from dominant “MOVE THEM UP” D6 team to getting 21 points against last year’s D5 runner ups. That’s not a knock on PS, for the record. I just don’t think that 21 points is where this line needs to be. The Peckers definitely weren’t ready to play a gender team and it showed, but they’re also adjusting to the league. It’ll be much closer than this for sure. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 7

 

Buffalo Vice vs TOX (+22) – Stopping the Vice offense just feels impossible for anyone in D4, but I DO think that TOX will be able to call some smart plays and stay in the game. 22 is a lot of points here. TOX feels weirdly underrated right now, and they deserve a little more respect. But I don’t think they pull this out, don’t get me wrong. Vice is the cream of the crop. BUFFALO VICE BY 13

 

Jabronies vs Not So Sticky (+15) – Not So Sticky hasn’t been great since a Week 1 victory against a Juiced team that’s struggled in D6 since. It’s not their fault, they’re literally there to have fun and have a few drinks. The goal isn’t winning so much as it is enjoying the experience and having a great time. They’re nailing that, by all accounts. Jabronies meanwhile, are focused more on the winning part, which is why that’s what they’ll be doing. JABRONIES BY 9

 

Itches and Ohs vs Cobblestone (+7) – The disrespect for Darryl! Itches has been a good team, and now that they’re getting used to their new roster, they’ll only be getting better. Cobblestone has been a TSL staple since probably before the league even started somehow, and it seems people are forgetting just how good they are. Give me the “upset” and Darryl’s Hair. COBBLESTONE BY 4

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

The Bambs 28, UWM 26

Wasted Potential 28, Show Me Dem TDs 26

Zack Attack 18, Puckett All-Stars 13

ILF 40, Breast Friends 34

 

               A lot of one score games this week in D5, which is a good thing. The Bambs pull out a win against UWM, who is still searching for a win (and a QB it seems). Wasted Potential continues to improve, gutting out a close one with Show Me. Zack Attack still struggles to score a ton, but their defense is top notch, shutting down Puckett this time en route to a 4-0 record. ILF handed Travis and the girls their 2^nd loss of the season, in a hard fought game. Per a gloating email from Andrew Kicak this week, They had Alex Baker rush Travis so he couldn’t just run around for 50 minutes in the backfield. This lead to a few ints from Travis and ILF won it on the last play of the game. Championship preview? Maybe.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Breast Friends vs University Wealth Management (+17) – Even at 3-2, Breast Friends has the highest Points For in the division. (We’ll ignore they played an extra game over ILF) while UWM struggles to stop anyone, allowing 152 points in 4 games. This doesn’t bode well for the Keller clan. They probably need more Kevin. BREAST FRIENDS BY 24

 

Show Me Dem TDs vs Puckett All-Stars (+1) – This should be a very evenly contested matchup of two teams that have played together for quite some time but are still making adjustments every week. I think it’s going to come down to offense, and Show Me is much better in that category, so SHOW ME DEM TDS BY 12

 

ILF vs Wasted Potential (+3) – It’s weird saying this about ILF, but if Wasted Potential has championship aspirations, this is their measuring stick. WP has proved they score, and I’m sure they’ll do exactly that against ILF, but the question is going to be if they can ever stop them. I’m thinking no, not yet. ILF BY 7

 

Zack Attack vs Wasted Potential (+6) – What a heck of a double header for WP this week, against the top teams in the division. Weirdly enough, I think they’ll have an easier time stopping the Zack Attack offense, it just really will come down to if Coach Jay can figure out how to score on a fantastic defense. I’m calling the upset here: WASTED POTENTIAL BY 2

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Tater Tots 37, Victorious Secret 8

Blitzkrieg 35, Lenny’s Ladies 28

TMA 32, Spinelli’s Plumbing 29

Graves Bros 40, The Bi-Polar Express 34

Travis Henry’s Kids 34, Juiced 20

 

               Tater Tots continue to play very well against the D6 gender teams, but let’s not forget that they’ve been slowly getting better every season since coming into the league. Victorious Secret still has some growing pains for adjusting to a new league, but I’m confident that Jordan and the girls will figure this out before the season’s end. Blitzkrieg knocked away the game winning TD on the game’s final play to take a win over Lenny’s Ladies. Shout out to Allie for juking the entire field out on a long 6-0 TD run. TMA got Ryan back at QB. No Dio? No problem. Ryan may have played his best game in a TMA uniform, dicing up Spinelli’s, and winning on the final drive. Welcome back. Graves Bros pulled out a win against BPX, as the two teams once again had a one score game. They always play each other tough. Finally, Travis Henry’s Kids is the best new team nobody is talking about, as they trounced Juiced 34-20.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Graves Bros (+5) – Remember how I said nobody is talking about THK? Well, this is the fastest way to fix that. Graves Bros are the D6 title favorites, but a big win here puts THK firmly in the mix. This is easily the biggest game of their young TSL careers, and I can’t wait to see how they respond. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 1

 

Victorious Secret vs Juiced (+3) – Juiced is still struggling to figure things out on their end, which means VS is catching them at the perfect time. The girls are ready for their first win, after coming so close in their other matchups. Everyone of course, wants them to win. I want them to win. Look for Erika to continue her stellar play here as they get the W. VICTORIOUS SECRET BY 7

 

TMA vs Blitzkrieg (+5) – It’s really funny. I yelled at Alex from BK to email me, and he did. He described TMA as their rivals. I think at least 3 teams would consider TMA that. But who is TMA’s biggest rival? It’s probably Tater Tots, right? Anyway, this is a big week for BK to get back on the map, so they’re ready for TMA. The problem is that TMA is sneakily maybe the best team in D6. Hear me out: They’re 2-2, but one of those losses was to the Woodpeckers in Week 1, and the other was a last second loss to Graves Bros. If they played Juiced instead of WP, they probably win, and one bounce the other way in the Graves game makes them 4-0. BK’s two losses came in a double header week without their starting QB. There’s a world where this is a huge matchup of two 4-0 teams. Maybe they really are rivals. TMA BY 3.

 

Tater Tots vs Lenny’s Ladies (+13) – The Tots played Lenny’s Ladies a few times last year and it never went well for the girls. The Tots are rolling along while Joe K and the Ladies are still figuring out defense. It takes a while. I also hear that they have attendance issues with scheduling conflicts each week, as is usually the case with gender teams. It’s hard to get a defense installed that way, so it’ll still take some time, but they keep showing improvement, which is great for the league. I can’t see them pulling this out though. TATER TOTS BY 15

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs The Bi-Polar Express (+11) – Is Spinelli’s good? They’re 2-1 but I’m not entirely sure I’ve seen enough from them to consider them a main contender to the title. This will be a good test for both teams but I think BPX needs this one more. Slight upset alert: THE BI-POLAR EXPRESS BY 2

 

Graves Bros vs Blitzkrieg (+2) – Really big week for BK here. If they can go 2-0 against Graves and TMA, they’re looking GREAT. Graves continues to be a very good team that stays underappreciated. A big win against BK here could really do wonders for how the league sees them as contenders. GRAVES BROS BY 8

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs Juiced (+13) – Even if I had to ask if Spinelli’s is good, I know Juiced is not. Not yet anyway. It takes time. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 12

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. What’s the best D2 QB matchup? There’s some barnburners this week, with Topper vs Joey Batts, Jordan vs Jeremy, and Newman vs Scotty Dro, but it’s very clearly the show to watch is Matty Ice vs Dean. Matty Ice is essentially playing a younger version of himself in Dean, and he has to figure out a way to beat him. This comic book narrative is right up his alley anyway.

 

2. Wine tournament teams forming? The excitement Trish showed about the wine tournament on the podcast this week is exactly the reason why they have it. It sounds like teams are already forming, so it’ll be interesting to see who plays with who in what is usually the biggest tampering event for the Fall season.

 

3. Will we finally have that “perfect day”? We’ve been close I hear. But Saturday is looking to be pushing 70 degrees with no wind and only slightly cloudy. I think we’re there. Sunscreen kids.

 

4. Who are the current most overrated teams in the TSL? All We Do Is Quinn, Bullet Club, and Spinelli’s Plumbing all look to be not as good as their current records show. Look for them to lose a few more games.

 

5. Who should move down a division next season? I still think Vaspian would benefit from playing in D4. Wolfpack looks that way too. Then again, half of D3 seems that way I guess. I think TOX bit off more than they could chew with a jump up. And UWM should consider sliding back too. And then of course, Sticky Bandits. Unless Baker decides to play with them and they try a D1 team WITH him this time. Could be fun.

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Even if Joey Batts is looking slower these days, he’s still slinging it better than just about anyone on the fields.

 

2. The whispers of the Chris Cole retirement tour are starting to grow louder. I truly hope this isn’t his last season, and if he has to walk away from the game, he does so after the Fall so the league can give him a proper “Kobe-like” send off that lasts the whole season.

 

3. I really like how well the gender teams are playing. I’ll say it weekly, but The Angels and Stunts are incredibly established, and the third “longest” playing team is BPX, who still puts up points despite needing to adjust their roster season to season. Our three newer teams are also playing very well and improving each week, regardless of the record. Incoming gender team tournament? You never know.

 

4. Breakfast Club remains the highlight of many people’s day because of the less stressful nature of it. This week’s game predictions: Robin’s Nest 52 – Stone Cold Kellers 34, Great White Clarkes 38 – Drive Me CURRazy 36, Valkryies 31 – The EMigos 20, and Peanut Butter Kelly Time 34 – Steph It Up A Notch 27.

 

5. I didn’t get any updates to who picked who for the Topper vs Travis picks pool this week, but it looks like Topper cleaned up on Travis last week, which is what the people want anyway.

 

6. Paul Scinta is incredibly underappreciated. I think we’re overdue for a cheese platter. For that matter Brent McKenzie is too. Perhaps we can get them to sing a duet together.

 

7. Much better work on cleaning up the fields this week guys, you never cease to amaze me with how you work together as a group to right any potential wrongs.

 

8. Two straight weeks of DJ Jimmy has done wonders for general league morale. The new people to the league seem to love the ambiance it brings! Although, I think it’ll be a couple weeks before he returns. So that means prepare to get mad at Travis for his music choices.

 

9. Happy Birthday to Jimmy Hearn, who celebrated turning 40 with the league last weekend. And probably this weekend too, if we’re being honest. So many of you kids have no idea just how good his hands are when it comes to catching a football.

 

10. Finally, I’ve been told that Lauren O’Brien from TMA has agreed to be the next TSL Bachelorette. While I think I was told that Diana made her do it, all reports about her say she’s a lovely person. I’m a little torn on “running it back” when it comes to the Bachelorette since it’ll just be weird without Lenny, but I do think Joe K and Topper could do a really good job with this. So if you’re interested in being a contestant on winning a date with Lauren, talk to Joe K, Topper, Diana Bernal, or someone that isn’t Lauren at the fields. (We don’t want her to know who you are, that’s part of the fun).

 

Our season is in full swing, it seems like our COVID restrictions are loosening up around the country (NOTE: NOTHING HAS CHANGED FOR THE TSL CURRENTLY, CONTINUE HOW YOU HAVE BEEN UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE), and life is getting back to normal. It’s awesome. Go forth, and battle on the slightly soft gridiron, Social Co-Ed Football Immortality awaits you.

 

Good luck out there and have some fun everyone. Thanks for reading. And remember, I’ll be in the cut.

 

-GF

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