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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe: Happy Friday. You did it. You faced another work week dead in the eye, and you thrived. Maybe. Hopefully.

 

However this week went for you, you’re just one day away from Week 3 of the Race For Social Co-ed Football Immortality. Historically, Week 3 is when things really start to pick up. The “newness” of a fresh season starts to wear off, and teams are getting a bit more focused as they see where things are stacking up for them this season. Some teams are realizing they might not have what it takes to compete for the division this time around, and others are gaining confidence by the game!

 

Speaking of that, if you’re reading this before 12:00pm Eastern Standard Time on Friday, May 7^th, in the Year of Our Lord 2021, then you have some time to send in your FINAL roster. I’ve heard that there was some confusion due to the loosening up of some roster restrictions, so I’ll just make it clear here for everyone:

 

If you are to add anyone to your roster before the above deadline, they can ONLY be players who are NOT on a roster elsewhere.

 

“But Godfather, Topper said we can have people from other rosters! This isn’t fair!”

 

Yes, my child, it is. You see, in the offseason when the rule change was announced, Topper made it clear that all players who are playing on a second team must be placed on those rosters before Week 1. This was to prevent someone from casually chatting up other players at the bar in Week 2 and building a much stronger roster after they were already placed in their division. I mean, we can’t move EVERY super team, right?

 

So, if you didn’t already submit a roster with those players on it, they’re ineligible. But anyone without a current roster is still fair game, provided you read this and find someone in the couple of hours you’ll get when Topper posts my article. Good luck out there!

 

Back to football, things have been pretty nice so far! I was told Week 2 was a little windy, but we’ve still had some pretty good weather and some VERY good football games. Let’s get into those now. . . .

 

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Public Enemy 30, Sticky Bandits 0

Tight Ends In Motion 53, Why So Serious? 8

Public Enemy 33, Why So Serious? 17

Eyes Downtown 35, Sloppy Seconds 21

 

               Okay, ignore the “very good football games” part when we talk about D1. It’s nobody’s fault really. Actually, I lied, it’s Topper’s fault for giving us such a lackluster D1 schedule to start with. Sticky Bandits have yet to score a TD in D1 this season. I know they had points last week, but apparently that was a Dave Baker touchdown and the refs wrote it down wrong. Things can only get easier for them from here on out. Probably. TEIM and PE just teamed up to smack around Why So Serious, but it appears that most of the WSS team wasn’t at the fields this week which lead to some very interesting roster compositions. It’s rough when you miss a lot of your players, and it’s even worse when you have a double header that week. Finally, Sloppy Seconds is coming along! They held their own against New Eyes Downtown, and the game was closer than the score suggests. Allegedly.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Sloppy Seconds (+25) – Okay, I swear, there are better games coming up. Even with Sloppy Seconds performing well, they’re no match for the buzzsaw that is TEIM at the moment. This team is just on the revenge tour, they tout top players in the league for QB, males, and females, and they have a giant, Chris Cole sized chip on their shoulder. Godspeed Sloppy. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 31

 

Eyes Downtown vs Sloppy Seconds (+14) – A quick repeat of the game we just saw last week. The hardest part for Sloppy this time around is that they’re going to be playing this one on the backend of two games in a row. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 14.

 

Why So Serious? vs Sticky Bandits (+7) – FINALLY! A pretty even matched game for both of these teams. These two squads are hungry for their first wins this season, which means this will inevitably end in a tie. In reality though, Sticky is actually the team that’s more in sync with each other, and with WSS not getting enough playing time together yet, I think we could see a mild upset here. STICKY BANDITS BY 3.

 

Public Enemy vs Eyes Downtown (+9) -  Will the real PE please stand up? We haven’t really had to see them, like, try yet this season. As a result, there’s nobody better on this planet to awaken the beast quite like Bobby McConnell. The long time rivals will meet, and even if a lot of the names are different, the legendary QBs remain the same. Bobby has always wanted to be Chris Cole. Beating him? That’s always a bit harder. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 8

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

A&A 30, XTC 25

Peachy Platoon 23, When Dove Cries 23

Bullet Club 36, Scared Hitless 32

When Dove Cries 34, Losing Streak 31

Peachy Platoon 48, Passed Our Prime 20

 

               Don’t look now, but Topper is 2-0-1 and at the top of the standings after two 4^th quarter comebacks. Yes, he ruined the comeback against Peachy by taking a sack on the final conversion, but he can’t be perfect. He also led a late scoring drive for the win against Losing Streak, in the most exciting game of the season so far. Scared Hitless fared much better in Week 2, taking a quick lead on Bullet Club, but BC got it together to scratch out the victory. A&A came out against XTC looking sharp on the field and off it with some new jerseys. Even with Matty hobbling on one leg, he still lead his team to a win. Finally, Peachy Platoon ran all over an undermanned Passed Our Prime. One has to wonder if POP will ever have a full squad this season.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Slytherin That End Zone vs Scared Hitless (+4) – SITE returns from a short break to take on the D3 champions. We haven’t seen a lot from SITE just yet, and the question remains on who exactly the QB is there. Is it Newman? Is it Seth? Is it QB waiting in the wings Coach Jay? Hitless knows exactly who they are: a team of guys and gals that are lucky to play with Johnny Football. Dylan looked a lot better at QB than Week 1, and I’m feeling a little frisky here. SCARED HITLESS BY 7

 

Bullet Club vs When Dove Cries (+1) – Topper is 2-0-1. Joe K is 2-0. There has to be some sort of alcoholic bet on this one, as we have an early battle for first place in the division. These two teams have, over time, held some very good contests and I expect this one to be no different. BULLET CLUB BY 1

 

A&A vs Losing Streak (+2) – Matty Ice vs Jordan. One of the best QB battles we’ll see this weekend, and maybe ever. Losing Streak has been incredible since joining the division, making anyone who bet the 18-1 odds early on feeling REALLY good about it. This game is the measuring stick. Does A&A have anyone that can cover Chris Nelson OR Ralph? I’m not sure. The pink team gets another signature win. LOSING STREAK BY 6

 

Peachy Platoon vs Mountain Dew Me (+3) – A classic battle of a really talented and fast football family with a handsome QB vs a really talented and fast football family with a handsome QB. Thompson vs McGregor. This is exciting stuff, honestly, but I’m going to give the edge to the team with the better girls. PEACHY PLATOON BY 3

 

XTC vs Passed Our Prime (+5) – Right now, it’s hard to tell exactly WHO POP is. They have the talent for sure, but then the talent doesn’t show up. Will we see Bloomfield? Who knows? XTC has the clear advantage at QB and for the females. That’s a winning combo every time. XTC BY 10

 

Peachy Platoon vs XTC (+9) – Peachy Platoon is really just what XTC was in 2013. Young, fast, and very talented. I don’t know if XTC has the lung capacity (other than Katie Keller of course) to play two games anymore. PEACHY PLATOON BY 12

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Wolfpack 12, The Untouchaballs 7

All We Do Is Quinn 22, Wolfpack 17

 

               In what was apparently the Wolfpack showcase this weekend, they went 1-1, which seems about right. They beat a slowly learning how to play defense Untouchaballs with Sticky Hands Blonde Chick, and then they lost to the D3 favorites but not but a lot. If anything happened in D3 this weekend, it’s the Wolfpack showing they belong in the mix.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

All We Do Is Quinn vs Frodo Swaggins (+3) – An early battle for D3 supremacy as two 2-0 teams look to knock each other off. These two have been at the top of the division for a while, and though both are perennial favorites to win the title, neither can ever do it. Some of the roster is different, but this is going to be a good game. Look for Frodo to continue being hot here and hit a slight upset. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 4

 

Matty’s Angels vs Vaspian (+9) – Vaspian is still just figuring it out. I think I say that weekly, but it’s the truth. The Angels are just not the team to ever want to go up against. They boast fantastic play calling and they have stars at every position. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 12

 

Top Shot vs Wolfpack (+10) – Top Shot is good. I also decided they should have two words in their team name because “TopShot” as one word looks ridiculous Blasé. Come on. I just said the Wolfpack is showing they belong. I’m going to continue to ride that train. 10 points feels crazy to me. Top Shot wins, but don’t cover. TOP SHOT BY 3

 

Grey Hair Don’t Care vs The Untouchaballs (+5) – This is a matchup of two teams both needing a win pretty badly. Grey Hair was off last week after losing a female to injury, but they’ve been around the league long enough to know how to make sure that that doesn’t hurt them. They have the edge on the Untouchaballs in the “football knowledge” department, and I think we’ll see them use that to their advantage. Contain Sticky Hands Blonde Girl and you’ll win. GREY HAIR BY 10

 

Top Shot vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+3) – I don’t like this line at all. You’re talking about a top D3 team playing a 6thish best team in the league. On their second game for each. TOP SHOT BY 9

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Buffalo Vice 41, Practice Squad 13

Freeballers 30, Woodpeckers 0

Cunning Stunts 43, Freeballers 19

TOX 33, Not So Sticky 12

Itches and Ohs 39, Jabronies 37

 

              

               Let’s just go to the big one. Welcome to D4 Woodpeckers! The Freeballers were more than up to the challenge and dominated this game. Multiple Peckers were heard complaining about their QB, who I hear was none too happy with Topper. Of course, stacking your D6 roster is shady, so it’ll be hard for anyone to really shed any tears here. I feel for the rest of the Peckers, and I mean, rosters don’t close until noon, so maybe there’s an FA QB out there? Kind of like B and Practice Squad last season? Buffalo Vice is looking good on and off the field. It was a pretty easy day for the Vice, as they’re now the measuring stick of D4, which isn’t great new for Practice Squad. There’s always a learning curve for teams moving up though. The Stunts just did what they do best, but this time they did it with Jordan Lawson at QB. Props to him for quickly becoming a household TSL name, as the Stunts made the Freeballers look more like themselves this time around. TOX just beat up on Not So Sticky as Rags had to QB, and historically that just isn’t a good thing. And Steve Moser goes to 2-0 with his patchwork squad that has some dominant girls. But my goodness it was good to hear about Joe Miano slinging it on the fields once again. He’s come a long way since he first started.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Buffalo Vice vs Itches and Ohs (+9) – As good as the season has started for Itches, they’re going to run into a hell of a test this week. Vice has been looking real nice, which FINALLY prompted Dan Gonzalez to email me this season. What he said was that Vice isn’t really doing anything different this season. They’re just getting better at what it is they do. They’ll show that again this week. BUFFALO VICE BY 17

 

Jabronies vs TOX (+2) – I’m not entirely sure how this line came about (Don’t blame me, blame the Committee) but I don’t think we’ve seen enough of the Jabronies to really call them favored over TOX. TOX has played some good football so far this season, while we still have to figure out who the Jabronies are this year. Maybe they’ll show us here. TOX BY 8

 

Cunning Stunts vs Woodpeckers (+3) – One team lost to Freeballers by 30, the other beat them by 24. On paper, most people would be worried for the Stunts, but they’ve been kicking some butt this season. They know exactly how to play this game, and I have a feeling they’re going to pull this one out too. Of course, if one of the 6’5 gentlemen rush Joey Batts, that’s a 2 foot height advantage, and that could disrupt things for the girls. Could be interesting! WOODPECKERS BY 7

 

Practice Squad vs Cobblestone (+1) – HOW DARE YOU TSLQBPRC! HOW DARE YOU BESMIRCH THE RETURN OF DARRYL CARR QB SUPERSTAR? HE’S GETTING POINTS? AGAINST PRACTICE SQUAD? NO, JUST, NO. COBBLESTONE BY 12

 

Cobblestone vs Not So Sticky (+2) – That’s more like it. The evil genius Jeff Krol’s side project (See: Sticky Bandits, but in different positions and they don’t get beat up like in D1) has had some ups and downs so far, but they’re having a really good time. Cobblestone is here to ruin that good time. Give me all the Carrs. And Darryl’s hair. COBBLESTONE BY 17

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Puckett All-Stars 33, University Wealth Management 12

Zack Attack 21, Breast Friends 16

Show Me Dem TDs 55, University Wealth Management 24

Breast Friends 21, The Bambs 0 (Forfeit)

ILF 46, Show Me Dem TDs 24

Zack Attack 22, ILF 13

 

               Zack Attack went 2-0 on a very big day for D5, and they staked their claim as the best team in D5. In fact, the Attack is the #1 ranked team overall in the TSL by the weird Topper Standings Metrics. And for a good reason! They’re 3-0 overall, and they’ve defeated Breast Friends, ILF, and Show Me Dem TDs, so they haven’t had an easy schedule. Puckett All-Stars got one in the win column with a nice and steady win against UWM. UWM would also go on to lose to Show Me, which doesn’t come as a surprise as they’re just treading water until national hero Scott Keller Sr finally steps onto the field to lead them to multiple victories. Show Me would then proceed to lose to ILF, who again would lose to Zack Attack, thus completing the D5 doubleheader Circle of Life.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

The Bambs vs University Wealth Management (+8) – While it was lame to see The Bambs forfeit last week, I hope we don’t see more of the same here. This is a good opportunity for them to notch their first D5 win of the season, and I can’t imagine UWM being able to stop the tall, gazelle-like wide receivers sitting across from them. THE BAMBS BY 9

 

Wasted Potential vs Show Me Dem TDs (+3) – Wasted Potential is a dark horse candidate to take this D5 title, and they’re the best team nobody is talking about…yet. Coach Jay has a shot at D5 QB of the Year if things go well, and I really feel a “coming out” party of sorts for them this week. Show Me has been up and down so far, and that’s going to be the norm for them as they still try to get a system down that isn’t “Throw really far to Chris Nelson”. Timmy Z is a great QB in his own right, and Jon Senn has a lot of talent to work with. It’s just doing it the right way. They’ll get better as the season goes on too. WASTED POTENTIAL BY 4

 

Zack Attack vs Puckett All-Stars (+8) – It’s Zack Attack’s year, I can feel it. Puckett is still a very, very good team who will beat you if you underestimate them, but right now all signs are pointing to Zack Attack being quite focused and playing very good defense. ZACK ATTACK BY 10

 

Breast Friends vs International Lightning Falcons (+4) – This is another Game of the Day potentially here. The newest gender team taking on an up and coming ILF, who have finally started to get their stuff together after an up and down opening season. Andrew Kicak is the current odds on favorite to win Most Underrated Male. He always seems to get overshadowed by, at minimum, one Baker no matter what team he plays on. He usually makes a difference though, especially on defense. Look for him to make the game changing play this week. ILF BY 2

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Graves Bros 34, TMA 31

Tater Tots 38, Blitzkrieg 6

Spinelli’s Plumbing 23, Blitzkrieg 20

Tater Tots 20, Travis Henry’s Kids 19

The BiPolar Express 26, Juiced 14

Lenny’s Ladies 34, Victorious Secret 33

 

               There were a LOT of good games in D6 last week. We started off with a back and forth championship preview with TMA and Graves going back and forth with Graves taking the win on the final drive of the game. TMA officially added Johnny Dio to the roster, which can only mean they’re seriously considering making the change at QB a permanent thing. Its like a Bledsoe/Brady thing, and look how that worked out for New England. Blitzkrieg, what the heck? You’re making me look silly for believing in you guys so much. An 0-2 day is not the way to go, as the Tots whooped up on BK, and then Spinelli’s took a close one from them. The Tots would then go on to beat THK in a very close game, and I really do think THK will have a say in who wins this division this season. BPX welcomed Juiced into D6 with another loss, as the “forgotten” gender team is still showing they can win this division too. And while it wasn’t quite Angels – Stunts, the Lenny’s Ladies – Victorious Secret game was my most “messaged” about game. I’m sure it had NOTHING to do with it being 3:30 and most of the texts/emails I got were from tipsy people but this one was a great one to hear about. I love when our females have big games against each other.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Tater Tots vs Victorious Secret (+8) – The Tots get to play one of our gender teams this week, and in the past they’ve fared pretty well against them. The Tots are still coming into their own as a team, but they know how to exploit their matchups on offense. Look for “Throw it to the tall guy” to be their go to to get them out of trouble. VS has a lot of talent and they’re still adjusting to the TSL game, which is okay. Anna Lawson is a real baller out there, and everyone loves Trish Esposito. I’m looking forward to one day hearing about more of the VS girls. This one is a tough game though. TATER TOTS BY 13

 

Blitzkrieg vs Lenny’s Ladies (+2) – There was a little rivalry here last season, as these two teams traded some wins along the way. BK could really use a big win to right the ship as it seems things aren’t going as well as they were before. Is Alex throwing? Is he still hurt? So many questions that COULD BE ANSWERED WITH AN EMAIL TO THE GODFATHER ALLIE OR ALEX. We had such great correspondence prior to this ghosting you’re giving me now. Shame. As much as everyone talks about Robin Makula, (as they should), the Ladies also trot out female superstars like Joy Thompson, Misty Himes, and Dr. Christine Krol. These ladies tend to get overshadowed by others on their normal teams, but here they’re really starting to shine. This will be a good one. BLITZKRIEG BY 4

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs TMA (+7) – TMA is playing very well, and their 1-2 record just isn’t indicative of that. Johnny Dio, by all accounts, is properly using Val and Diana, and on top of that he throws the ball to Ferger. Brent scored a TD too! Losing to Graves and the Woodpeckers before they got moved up makes it seem like TMA isn’t doing well, but watchout for them this week. Spinelli’s is doing what they always do: Play very solid on the both sides of the ball, but they’re rarely dominant one way or they other. They’ll need to show me more as the season moves on. TMA BY 11

 

Graves Bros vs The BiPolar Express (+1) – These teams have had some really good games in the past, and I expect this one to be no different. Both teams are very smart, and its going to come down to who gets a case of the drops. While I do think BiPolar is going to make noise this season, as I always do, Graves does seem to be playing some of their best football currently. GRAVES BROS BY 3

 

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Juiced (+11) – Juiced is still figuring out the game overall, but hopefully they’re having fun doing it. THK is a veteran squad from elsewhere in the Social Co-Ed Football Universe, and they’re seemingly quite good. A bounce here or there last week and they’re 2-0 and on top of the division. Look for them to continue their early rise to TSL stardom, and hopefully they’ll reach out with an email so I can learn who they are as well. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 23

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Will D1 ever be fun again? Cool, it’s Public Enemy, Eyes Downtown, and Tight Ends In Motion beating everyone else up. Again. It’s not their fault that nobody else is putting together a super team to compete here. It’ll get a lot more fun when Tight Ends wins D1 this season. Gives us something new to chat about.

 

2. WHERE IS B’S BROTHER??? Reports have told me our legend has yet to step foot on the fields this season, and that’s just tragic. He better be there for the Rameer Celebration on 6/5.

 

3. Will the podcast ever have good sound again? I love that we have the podcast back, and I still listened to all ALMOST TWO HOURS OF IT WTF JOE K this week, but the sound quality hasn’t been great. I know it’s different from being inside the professional studio, but still, we should have higher standards here.

 

4. Who are the most surprising teams this season so far? Zack Attack, Losing Streak, the new Eyes Downtown, to me, have been the best “I wasn’t sure how good they were going to be but they nailed it” teams so far this season.

 

5. Who needs a good showing this week to remind the TSL that they’re contenders? I think a lot of people have forgotten just how good Slytherin That Endzone can really be when they’re on their game. I also think Frodo can give the league a wake up call to remind them just how good they’ve been the last few seasons as well. I’d also like Blitzkrieg to start remembering who they are.

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Not surprisingly, Breakfast Club was awesome this week, and all the reports I got were positive, save for some “similar jersey color” snafu. Picks this week: Robins Nest 42 – Peanut Butter Kelly Time 38, Great White Clarkes 34 – Stone Cold Kellers 22, The EMIgoes 26 – Steph It Up A Notch 24, and Drive me Currazy 48 – Valkyries 31.

 

2. The Topper vs Travis Steak Dinner challenge continues: Travis won Week 2’s picks. This week, Topper selected: SITE (-4), Practice Squad (-1), and Wasted Potential (-3). Travis took AWDIQ (-3), Sticky Bandits (+7), and Spinellis (-7). I like Topper to win this week.

 

3. Remember, as always, to be safe on the fields. Wear sunscreen, hydrate (Trulys and White Claws do NOT count as water), wear your mask to and from the fields and at the bar, and just have fun.

 

4. Would you want to write a Godfather article with me? You could chime in with your own picks and thoughts on the games. Could be fun, could be lame. Email me, as always, at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

 

5. Same goes for the captains of the teams I don’t hear from a ton. Do I get stuff wrong about your squad? Yes? Then email me and set the record straight like so many others do every week. Help me, help you.

 

6. Let’s take a second to truly call out and appreciate Coach Jay. Not for his playing style, or his handsomeness. No. When we lost Rameer last year, Jay stepped up big time and took over the role of Head Director of Officiating. I think he’s done a fantastic job, and deserves to be recognized.

 

7. Hey, if you’re going to bring your cans and bottles to the fields (either water or from the bar) don’t be such a jerk and leave them on the ground. PICK UP AFTER YOURSELVES AND DON’T LEAVE THE FIELDS A MESS. Most people do, but there are some of you that just enjoy leaving your garbage lying around. Be better.

 

8. I think we need to see more pictures of dogs at the fields. Bones has been doing a great job holding down the “best TSL dogs” mantel, but he’s currently the only one that shows up regularly.

 

9. Did you know that there’s even more Thompsons in the league now? The youngest brother, Luke, is tearing up D2 now, and word is family patriarch Richard is not only playing in Breakfast Club but he’s uncoverable and always open. Just great genetics from top to bottom over there.

 

10. Yes, plans are being set in motion for the wine tournament this summer. Topper is supposed to be checking out the new fields very soon. More on this exciting news as it develops. Maybe we’ll have more than one summer tourney this year. Did someone say “random draw”?

 

That’s called a teaser folks. . .

 

The TSL season is in full swing! You’re doing great out there. Keep up the good work, and please be safe. Remember to sign up for the Telegram app so you can get the quickest updates for the league, and proceed to like us on Facebook, and Instagram. The more you’re plugged into the league, the less you’ll miss.

 

I’ll be in the cut. I think.

 

-GF OUT

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