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"TSL teams are always rising and falling in America" - Nathaniel Hawthorne, as quoted in the film "the Departed", then badly translated by the TSL QB Power Rankings Committee

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings! 

Can you believe that in Week 4 of the Fall 2019 season, the #4 QB in the Power Rankings was none other than Topper himself?? Even WE find that hard to believe, and we're the ones who ranked him!

Here are your Top 20 QBs in the TSL today:

#1 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Beat Eyes Downtown 46-32, beat Sticky Bandits 38-24 (Legends), beat Practice Squad 43-24 (Cunning Stunts)

The two highest teams in the D1 standings NOT named Legends are Eyes Downtown and Sticky Bandits.  Joey beat them both on Saturday... and also threw in a win over Practice Squad to boot.  

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Beat Freeballers 38-15, lost to Legends 46-32

Saturday was Eyes Downtown in a nutshell: they dominate the lesser D1 teams, but they aren't quite on Legends' level yet either.  They hope to be, come Championship Saturday, but Bobby will have to play better if they want to end their season on a win.

#3 Mike Thomas – Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Lost to Mavericks 43-37, lost to Legends 38-24

The Sticky Bandits have followed a three game winning streak with a three game losing streak, with most of their team apparently on Injured Reserve.  Mike will have to find a way to elevate whoever is left if Sticky Nation wants to save their season.

#4 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Frodo this week, although Garrett looked pretty good putting up 55 for PWI as a sub.

#5 Andy Strug – The Malones

Last Week:  Lost to Jabronies 37-34

The Malones will NOT go undefeated it seems, and they'll have to wait another week to clinch that first round bye too.  No, Andy does NOT fall below Joe in the Power Rankings just because of this game (remember, Malones beat Jabronies by 26 points last month).

#6 Joe Miano - Jabronies

Last Week:  Beat the Malones 37-34

This feels like a good time to remind everyone that Jabronies were given the LOWEST odds of any team in D2 this season by the Godfather before the season started, and now they're tied for the best record in D2.  We're not criticizing the Godfather by the way - we AGREED that Jabronies would be a huge underdog at the time. 

#7 Jordan Lawson - Mavericks / Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 43-37 (Mavericks), lost to PWI 53-44 (Scared Hitless)

The Mavericks beat whatever's left of Sticky Bandits on Saturday to rise to 3-3 (.500 is pretty good for a first season in D1!) and Jordan also put up 44 points in a Scared Hitless as well (not his fault if his defense allows 53).  Not a bad day.  Mavericks remaining opponents are a combined 8-1-1 by the way so we're not betting on them to finish with a winning record, but staying at .500 is definitely possible.

#8 Cody Stumpf – What a Dump

Last Week:  Did Not Play

We dropped Cody two spots for having a bye week apparently, which is ESPECIALLY unfair when you consider this: What a Dump is the ONLY team left in D1 that still has a shot of taking the #1 seed away from Legends.  (Yes, it's unlikely, but not impossible!)

#9 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 35-20

Wanderers locked up a crucial tiebreaker on Saturday with a win over the only other one-loss (well, now TWO-loss) team in D3.  That means a win against Buffalo Vice this week will lock up the #1 seed for playoffs.  If Wanderers have nothing left to play for on October 4th, do you think they'll let Sal QB that game?

#10 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 43-6

Okay this is the Can't Touch This we expect to see.  Scoring 40+ on offense, allowing just one score on defense.  If this version of the team shows up for playoffs, no one will ever remember that they went just 3-5 or 4-4 in the regular season.

 #11 Buddy Lee – Passing While Intoxicated / Interdimensional Lightning Falcons

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No appearances by Buddy this week.  PWI looked great in his absence.  ILF did not.

#12 Matt Glowacki - Unit Ha Ha

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No games for Unit Ha Ha this week.

#13 David Eickhoff - Grey Hair Don't Care / Ready to Retire

Last Week:  Lost to Can't Touch This 43-6, Mike's Detailing 45-6

Eickhoff's teams were outscored a combined 88-12 this week.  In our professional opinion as sportswriters, we would call that "not very good".  Ready to Retire should be fine, but Grey Hair - Don't Care has two more chances (plus playoffs) to avoid a winless season.  Can they topple Scared Hitless or Jabronies?

#14 Dylan Jaloza - Bullet Club

Last Week:  Lost to Wanderers 35-20

Bullet Club is the only second place team in the entire TSL right now to have a negative point differential.  There aren't even any THIRD place teams with negative point differentials.  Does this mean they're not a great team... or does it mean that they find a way to win the close ones?

#15 Damien Keller - D-Generation X Y and Z

Last Week:  Beat Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 30-0

That looked easy.  DXYZ destroyed a Buddy-less ILF on Saturday to even their record back to 3-3.  Anyone can win or lose any game in D3, where even the mighty Wanderers have fallen to the lowly GirthQuakes.  If it comes down to veteran savvy for the playoffs, DXYZ have loads of that.

#16 Mike Wolcott - Two Tuddies

Last Week:  Beat Come From Behind 51-12

There are four teams in the League with over 200 points scored, about 100 points against, and undefeated records (Legends, Two Tuddies, Balls Deep and Flying Balls).  Two Tuddies might be the most dominant.  It's one thing to kill a bad team here and there, but these guys are even killing their biggest rivals this season.  

#17 Paul Rath - Freeballers

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 38-15

We can't see the future, but Freeballers are probably NOT going to beat Legends or What a Dump this week.  But they CAN avoid a winless season by beating Unit Ha Ha on October 4th!  Maybe that'll give them the confidence they need for playoffs... where they'll play either Legends or Eyes Downtown again in the first round...

#18 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad

Last Week:  Lost to Cunning Stunts 43-24

Practice Squad have scored the fewest points in D3 this session, and allowed the second most as well.  Tough to win games that way.  It seems like the game plan for this team is just "lose regular season games, unleash playoff B in October".  Which, we've gotta say... is not a bad plan.

#19 Eric Mueller - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week:  Beat PowerPuff Girls 31-17

Puckett stomped a (short handed) PowerPuff Girls team on Saturday to run their record up to 5-1.  Only one team in D4 will get a first round bye, and Puckett can still take it.  No one REALLY knows how these tiebreakers work, but we THINK they have to either beat Tuddies by more than 15 on Saturday (and then win on Oct 4th if Tuddies ALSO win on Oct 4th), OR beat the Tuddies by less than 15 on Saturday and hope that Tuddies lose to Cobblestone on the 4th (while winning themselves).  Complicated, but not impossible.

#20 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice

Last Week:  Beat GirthQuakes 42-29

Buffalo Vice will finish their season with games against the current #1 seed and #2 seed in D3.  Rough schedule!  If they can win just ONE of those two games though, they'll finish .500, which is good enough to inspire confidence in a playoff run.

***

Fancy Statistics Section

Not a "fancy stat" but some of the teams in this League have incredible uniforms and we want to recognize those now.  Here are the Top Ten best (or most iconic) uniforms, logos etc in the league:

Honorable Mentions: Pit Harade, Freeballers, Interdimensional Lightning Falcons, Can't Touch This

10. GirthQuakes

9. Mavericks 

8. Sticky Bandits

7. Scared Hitless

6. Cunning Stunts

5. Bullet Club (black & white)

4. Wanderers (tie-dye)

3. Unit Ha Ha

2. PowerPuff Girls

1. The Tuddiverse (Two Tuddies, Three Tuddies, Four Tuddies)

***

That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this week!  If you have any thoughts about QB rankings, or you want to make sure we know who's throwing for your team, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  You tell him, he'll tell us.  

What's YOUR ranking?

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