• Print
• Email

"When you're GOOD at something, you'll tell everyone.  When you're GREAT at something, they'll tell you" - Walter Payton

We're two weeks into the Spring 2021 season and by now every team has played at least one game EXCEPT for Cobblestone.  Darryl is a big believer in being fashionably late to the party, apparently.  For the rest of us, we've all had a chance to shine or to flounder by now.  So let's take a look at our TSL Quarterback Power Rankings for Week Two:

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 33-0, beat Why So Serious 33-17

Are you BORED yet?  We're bored.  Two more Public Enemy wins + 33 points scored in each = Chris's 16th week in the top spot (6th in a row).  What else can we even say at this point?  Don't you just want these guys to lose so you can rub it in Cole's smug face?  But who can beat the Champs?  We're looking at you, #2 on our Power Rankings...

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Beat Sloppy Seconds 35-21

No change here either, as Eyes Downtown surprised exactly no one by beating brand new D1 team Sloppy Seconds.  Look, without a huge upset, this was never going to be the week that the Top Three changed, it was just the rich getting richer and the poor D1 second-tier getting their asses handed to them.  But with Public Enemy vs Eyes Downtown on the schedule for this week, we're almost guaranteed a shake-up at the top one way or another.  Only question is whether Bobby's moving up or moving down after that game.

#3 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Why So Serious 53-8.

We don't know what's more impressive: Tight Ends' LEAGUE leading 45.5 PPG on offense or their LEAGUE leading 7.0 PPG on defense.  Yes, the best offensive team in the League is also the best defensive team in the League, and they're doing it in Division 1.  We're probably doing Bro a disservice by ranking him #3 right now, but as long as all three top guys remained undefeated, we were always going to go with experience over stats.  Unfair?  Maybe, but he'll get a crack at his real competition eventually this season, and those are the games that will show where Bro really belongs.

#4 Matty Ice - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat XTC 30-25

In case you missed Matty's "dissatisfaction" with our work on the TSL Facebook last week, we'll reprint his comments here:

"Alright Im back and I need to make my presence known not only on the field but on social media as well. With that being said I have to comment on this list.  This. Is. Absolute. Blasphemy.  I should never ever be out of the top 3. Ever.  Lemme give you a quick little story. I take a year off, I gotta do some adult stuff ya know.  I make my return only to see the godfather picks against me, I come in as the under dog for A&A. On my first drive go 5-5 for a girl touchdown and a guy 2 point conversion. Flawless. Mike Boccio witnessed it and was in utter shock.  I'd like to reiterate this. I took a year off.  I then take an a gender team, where no gender team has gone before, and get a huge W!  I maybe understand Chris Cole and [Bobby McConnell] being in front of me, they have earned it. Dedicated themselves to this game.  BUT the other two being in front of me is a complete laugh. I didn't play for a year, come back and demolish who ever was set in front of me. I think I'm gonna have Travis Clev QB for A&A the rest of the season and let Katie Salbury go for The Angels and I just come back for the play offs and win it all.  CLEARLY I DONT NEED PRACTICE.  This list needs to be revamped.  I'll see how it looks after week 2.  Until then. This list isn't to be taken seriously."

We do LOVE a good rant (haven't gotten one from Scotty Dro yet this year, which is disappointing) but let's add a little context to your "quick little story": 

1) Yes, you "took a year off" so maybe you need a refresher on where we're at here: This is the 2021 Power Rankings.  Winter session subbing appearances aside, we haven't seen you play since 2019.  You're living in the past, Matty!  This is a "what have you done for me lately" world we're living in, and while Joey and Bro were battling for glory last year, you were... raising dogs or something? (seriously though: we DO love your dog)

2) If Mike Boccio is in "utter shock" about your opening drive success... maybe that means he just doesn't think you're very good?  We don't want to speak for Mr. Boccio here, as he's not on our Power Rankings Committee (or is he?)

3) We DID push you narrowly ahead of Joey this week (you deserve it, you won; he didn't play) but you think you're ahead of Bro Kleckler?  Your awesome talent aside, Bro IS leading the league in scoring on a D1 team.  Have you WATCHED him play?  He should arguably be higher on the list than he is.  "But Bro is surrounded by all this great talent!"  What, and The Angels surrounded themselves with garbage?  You both play with GREAT talent... but Bro's currently scoring more points with his, in a division you CHOSE not to enter.

You don't have to "take us seriously" (we suspect no one does...) but we stand behind our #4 this week.  If it makes you feel any better, we ranked you ahead of 56 other QBs.  Try to look at the glass as half full.

#5 Joey Batts - Mountain Dew Me / Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  DNP

No Mountain Dew Me game this week and a Cunning Stunts win engineered by sub Jordan Lawson.  Joey drops a spot due to inactivity combined with Matty's win.

#6 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 36-32

Bullet Club is the highest scoring team in D2 at 41 PPG, and the second highest scoring non-gender team in the TSL, which has Scotty Dro rising to his highest ranking yet.  Up next: Undefeated When Dove Cries, who boast the best defense in D2.  Irresistible force (we're sure Scotty would agree with that), meet Immovable object.  Scotty has had hot starts before though, only to disappear as the season goes on.  Does Joe K have a plan for keeping Scotty motivated (and physically present) as Bullet Club pushes for a championship over the coming months?

#7 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Lost to A&A 30-25

Dubey finished last season at #3 in our Power Rankings, and he has started this season by going 0-2.  Of course his losses are to Joey Batts and Matty Ice and those are two pretty great QBs (even though Matty doesn't seem to think much of Joey).  XTC will try to turn their luck around against newcomers Passed Our Prime this week, who are also trying to bust out of an 0-2 start.  An 0-3 start could push Dubey right out of the Top Ten, but we suspect he'll bounce back this week against POP's League-worst defense (47 PPG allowed).  

#8 Alex Buchlis - Sloppy Seconds - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 35-21

The Alex Buchlis experiment in team building continues ahead of schedule, as Sloppy Seconds falls to Eyes Downtown but not without putting up a fight.  The loss costs Buchlis a spot in the Power Rankings, but he's averaging 20 PPG against Public Enemy and Eyes Downtown so far, which is impressive given his brand new cast of receivers.  We don't imagine the D1 finals being anything other than some combination of Public Enemy, Eyes Downtown and Tight Ends in Motion, but if Sloppy Seconds continues their current trajectory learning to play together, they might just pull off an impressive playoff upset along the way.

#9 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Beat Wolfpack 22-17

Not the most explosive offensive showing in his career, but Vince scores just enough to win and keep AWDIQ undefeated.  The good news for Vince is that he moves up a spot to #9 this week.  The bad news is that he's probably hit his ceiling in the Power Rankings as long as he stays in D3.  We can't imagine him climbing past many of the legends above him right now, and there are several D2 QBs ready to make their own push into the Top Ten which will probably knock him back.  Quinn must get so sick of hearing people say this, but we'll just add to the chorus: please, please win D3 this session so we can FINALLY see what you can do in D2.  You belong there... or at least you will, if you can dominate the playoffs as much as you dominate the regular season.

#10 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries / TOX - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 34-31, Tied Peachy Platoon 23-23 (When Dove Cries), beat Not So Sticky 33-12

Are we really doing this again?  Oh God, it looks like we are.  How does Topper keep squeaking his way into the Top Ten every session?  He has these impressive starts, then completely collapses and can barely crack the Top Thirty by the end of the season.  Well here we go again... two weeks into the season, When Dove Cries is 2-0-1 and our geriatric superstar remains undefeated against Scared Hitless, Peachy Platoon, Losing Streak, and apparently Father Time.  We won't pretend we saw that coming.  Enjoy it while you can Mr. Commissioner; we don't expect to see you in our Top Ten next week.

***

"AARP McGovern" is the final QB in our Top Ten this week, but his spot is far from safe.  Others pushing for his spot (listed alphabetically, this isn't a "Power Rankings") include:

Terrell Bolden - Why So Serious: Two devastating losses to D1 powerhouses Tight Ends in Motion (53-8... ouch) and Public Enemy (33-17, even with Katie Salisbury as a sub).  Bolden's a pretty exciting QB to watch, but we hear that half his team was missing this week for some flag tournament (or something) and it's tough to beat TEIM and PE with your full teams, let alone replacement squads thrown together to field a team for the day.  We still think we'll see the Why So Serious QB in the Top Ten this season... but it won't be today.

Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak:  Jordan ended up on the wrong side of a 34-31 classic vs Topper's team and later dropped a 34-33 gender team battle to Lenny's Ladies, but when your team scores 30+ points... well, you should probably win.  In fact all OTHER teams that scored 30+ points this week went 18-3, while Jordan went 0-2.  Can his defenders help him out a little?  It gets tough to win shoot-outs every week when your defense isn't getting stops  (More on 30 point games below...)

Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits:  Mike spent 8 consecutive weeks in the Top Ten going back to last season's opener, but scoring 6 points in two games (including a shut-out loss to Public Enemy) has broken his streak for now, as the Sticky Bandits are the lowest scoring team in the TSL through two weeks.  Thomas and Bolden are both suffering from brutal early season schedules against the top D1 teams.  If more D2 teams were willing to make the jump to D1 it might be a more balanced division... but the Sticky Bandits early season struggles highlight exactly why the better D2 teams DON'T want to move up.

Dean Thompson - Peachy Platoon:  That's more like it.  After a Week One loss to Losing Streak, Dean is trending back up to where we expected.  First the Platoon tied When Dove Cries (can you imagine how annoying Topper would be if he were 3-0?  Thanks Peachy!) and then they destroyed a "still-struggling-with-attendance" Passed Our Prime 48-20.  Peachy Platoon is one of six D2 teams averaging more than 30 PPG, and all six of those teams have a .500 record or better.  The four D2 teams averaging less than 30 PPG are a combined 0-7.  Looks like 30 is the magic number, and Dean has Peachy on the right side of that cut-off.

***

Pointless Power Ranking of the Week

Our long-time readers know that we like to include charts and graphs at the end of our Power Rankings showing how our teams stack up against each other.  Well, that's a little stupid after only a couple weeks of play; one of our teams hasn't even played yet, and it's way too early to draw conclusions about the rest after one or two games.  Expect us to start adding those around Week Four or Week Five of this session.

In the meantime, let's keep ranking something pointless (as opposed to the "serious" business of QB rankings of course).  

Last week the Power Rankings Committee voted on the Top Ten best team names. Each week we'll try to look at something different.

Here are your Top Ten Best Free Agent Acquisitions this Spring 2021 season, as voted on by our Committee (in the interests of creating suspense, we'll count down from Ten):

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you're angry we're still only showing the Top Ten after two weeks and haven't expanded yet?  you have better ideas on what our next Pointless Ranking should be?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   

What’s YOUR ranking?

• Prev
• Next