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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, the snow has melted, spring has sprung, and on April 27^th, in the Year of Our Lord 2019, 46 football teams (52 if you include Breakfast Club) will begin the race for social co-ed football immortality.

Everyone has been waiting with bated breath to gather together at the Rose Garden with all of their league mates to enjoy football, friends, and maybe a drink or two.

Now, this season brings us many questions: Can Uncle Topper put it all together and win D1? Will 40 year plan guy and Katie Keller finally realize they need to stop fighting the truth and fall in love? How will fatherhood affect Joey Batts? Why are so many D2 teams scared of the D1 teams? Will Peachy Platoon take D3 after jumping up from D6 last season? What the heck is “Competitive” and “Recreational” doing on our standings page?

None of those questions are nearly as the important as the elephant in the room: How will the TSL fare now that we’ve lost our Commissioner, Lenny Alba? Will we band together and keep the shenanigans to a minimum? Or will some of us feel that the watchful eye is no longer around and try to pull a fast one on the league?

Year after year, I was blessed to have a weekly phone conversation with Lenny as he gave me all of the comings and goings of the league that week. As you know, I’m quite busy while living in my log cabin deep in Des Moines, Iowa. Lenny would fill me in on some key story lines before he’d fax me over the coming week’s point spreads. This time around is going to be so different. Thank you to Topper for agreeing to keep me informed, and while he won’t fax me the lines, he’ll still email them to me, which is so much more efficient anyway.

We all miss you Lenny. Forever our Commissioner.

Excitement is in the air now as we near the begin the 8 week march to the playoffs, and we have a lot more questions than answers.

Looking over the divisions, its going to be tough to distinguish which teams are going to be taking home the championships. Quite a few teams have merged, and quite a few have dispersed talent throughout the league.

Obviously, the rule book is not perfect. While there have been some slight changes, mostly everything is staying the same for this upcoming season. While there will still be those who try to find loopholes to exploit, Topper, Rameer, and most of the league will be watching to prevent that.

Very often, it’s the opposition who just got the short end of this scenario that ends up red faced and screaming at the bar to clue the league into those loopholes anyway, as though that’s magically going to get the call overturned in a game that ended 35 minutes prior on a field nobody they’re yelling to were even at.

Everyone needs to just take a deep breath, chill out, and just remember that this is only co-ed football.

You’ve read my ramblings long enough, so let’s get into what everyone is here for anyway: the predictions. While this season is shaping up to be an interesting season, it feels more like one of the “lets see where teams should be playing at next year” years.

Our abilities to really judge games and point spreads isn’t the greatest with all of the movement, so instead we’re going to turn to the old favorite: preseason odds for winning the championship.

Understand that all of this is subjective and none of it really matters until the games are played on the field, but if you’ve got a great reason why your team should be reconsidered, feel free to email, as always, at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

D1 (Or, Competitive 1)

PUBLIC ENEMY 2-1

EYES DOWNTOWN 3-1

MARKETING MAYORS 5-1

TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION 10-1

1 TODD 2 MANY 20-1

#XTC 25-1

As though Public Enemy needed any more reason to be considered the top seed, they got a lot more motivation this offseason. Eyes Downtown returns to be their foil, as Bobby looks to return from surgery to capture the title. Adding Taylor Pagano doesn’t hurt. Marketing Mayors fall right into their spot behind the other two, but don’t be surprised if they find themselves on top of the mountain once again. Tight Ends In Motion added Katie Salisbury, but does that help them get over their two biggest obstacles: Staying Healthy and Alex at QB? Topper decided his personal window was closing, added a few studs, and moved his team straight up to D1. This should be exciting to watch. XTC gains some of the left overs of Angry Buffalo and they look to compete more than they have in a while this year.

D2 (Or, Competitive 2)

ENERGY BUFF 3-1

GRYFFINDOR 5-1

THE FIELD 10-1

Energy Buff is Ben Stack’s newest addition to the TSL. The former Bad Apples look to be the early favorites in D2. Gryffindor boasts two “should be D1 stars” in Scott Miranto and Jeremy Burr, will this be their season? A&A has added the talents of Franco, but will Matty’s not so secretly falling apart shoulder lead them to glory? Bullet Club has gotten the band back together, welcoming Travis Cleavenger back into the fold. Money Ball is Tim Dove’s return to D2 as he’s put together a team mostly made up of the old Racks N Sacks. Finally, Title Shot boasts an impressive roster of 2011 All-Stars that are going to look to beat up on the competition.

D3 (Or, Recreational 1)

STICKY BANDITS 3-1

3^RD AND SCHLONG 5-1

PEACHY PLATOON 7-1

MORNING WOOD 10-1

THE FIELD 15-1

The time is right for Sticky Bandits as not only did all of their usual competition moved up a Division or two, but they’re getting back the soul of the team in Dave Baker. 3^rd and Schlong look to continue their impressive run in the TSL, and another Division title may be in their grasp. I may look foolish putting Peachy Platoon this high, but we learned one thing last session: They can play. How they fare against some of the better defenses in the TSL will be interesting to watch all season. Morning Wood is entering “will they ever?” territory, and a blanket poll of TSLers feel that you’re more likely to see Dave Wilburn storm off the field again than you will see Morning Wood win the title. As for the rest, All We Do Is Quinn is jumping up to D3, and while they boast some great athleticism, will they be able to compare to the better competition? Frodo Swaggins is Garrett Beesing’s entry into the TSL this season, and rumor is that he’s got a QB that was a D-III college star. He’s turning into Darryl before our very eyes. The Ultimate Warriors are always a tough out, as are Slytherin That End Zone. Lots of competition here in D3, er, Rec 1.

D4 (or, Recreational 2)

PUCKETT ALL-STARS 4-1

INDECENT EXPOSURE 5-1

NO PUNT INTENDED 7-1

END GAME 10-1

UNCLE RICO’S TIME MACHINE 10-1

THE FIELD 20-1

D4 feels like we’re going to see one heck of a season as well. Puckett has been a consistently good team, and with some of the teams that have left the division out of their way, it seems like they have an open path to the title. Indecent Exposure should have another great season with Josh at the helm. NPI is always lurking in this division, but their ability to choke in the playoffs can’t go unmentioned. End Game is the newest version of HK (insert number here), and they boast a killer female 1-2 punch with Emily Schilling and Stephanie Czaja. GLBS has some TSL fan favorites like Glenn and Chelsie Bird, and word is they also have the very talented Rachel Parker as well. Buffalo Solar Solutions looks to ramp it up a bit more this season, and rumor has it that they’ve got a VERY good QB coming aboard. Hung Buffalo is always a team that you can NOT sleep on. They’re very intelligent, and if you sleep on them, they’ll beat you. Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers have been practicing all offseason in order to create more team chemistry. It’ll be fun to watch that play out. Full Throttle has been stuck in neutral for most of their TSL career, but perhaps this is the time Lou can get his squad on the same page and pull some upsets? Finally Cobblestone may not be what they once were, but if Darryl can actually get all of these superstars he talks about to the fields, maybe they’re ready to claim a few victories along the way.

D5 (Or, Recreational 3)

MATTY’S ANGELS 3-1

HOPE AND RUIN 5-1

CUNNING STUNTS 6-1

VANDALAY INDUSTRIES 10-1

THE FIELD 15-1

This looks to be the closest division yet. Matty’s Angels show up as the preseason favorites yet again, but you just cannot forget about Hope and Ruin, who always have something to say come playoff time. The Stunts are always looking to shatter the idea that they’re the second best gender team in the league. Vandalay returns with Uncle Topper looking ready to sling it as he goes for D1 and D5 gold. The rest of the field is very imposing in their own right. Come From Behind’s wily veteran presence keeps them in most games. The Ugandan Warriors are essentially ACE, but with an actual quarterback under 60 years old. The Pink Pteratacos are the old UFO, as Mark looks to rid his newest team of the negativity that surrounded his old one. HomeTech is always a decent team. After that, I have no idea who the Five Star Generals or the Over Compensators are. Might they be this season’s Peachy Platoon? Could be!

D6 (Or, Recreational 4)

EVERYONE 6-1

I think every single team in this division has a chance at glory. The Bambs have been around forever and are looking to take home a title as they return to the TSL. The McKen…TMA is Brian Ferger’s squad that is looking at additions by subtractions this season, hoping the removal of some negativity can lead them to that elusive title. pAssless Chaps have always found themselves competing, but they sorely needed a QB. Enter Coach Jay, who will be entering the quarterbacking ranks this season. The Jabronies have been working hard in the offseason, practicing up a storm. Will it finally click for them on the field like it has off of it? The Bi-Polar Express really came on at the end of last season as Gordon and his girls really started to “figure it out” as a team. Here’s hoping their nice end to last season will carry over to this one. Finally, Practice Squad has been close many times here, but while this division is wide open, perhaps its finally their time?

5 QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

1.      Will B’s Brother return to the fields after finally having his suspension lifted? His Facebook says he’s going to try.

2.      Will fatherhood ruin Joey Batts’ career now that he’s the third biggest human in his own household?

3.      Can Uncle Topper win D1?

4.      Where’s the podcast? Joe K let it be known that he was going to continue it, yet I’ve heard and seen nothing yet.

5.      Will we spin the Topper Wheel of Hope?

10 FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

1.      This is always pretty standard, but please remember that this league, while wonderful, is for fun. Don’t take it as more than that.

2.      The Rose Garden is looking to be overflowing with our Week 1 excitement. Conduct yourselves accordingly and don’t anger the #DINNERCROWD.

3.      Breakfast Club is shaping up to be one of the best ever. All of the teams drafted pretty nicely, and while each team has holes somewhere, none of them stand out as too good or not as good as anyone else.

4.      If you haven’t signed up for Topper’s Super Kool Telegram App, do it now. It’s the quickest way to get information on your games. Like us on Facebook too.

5.      Preseason championship predictions: Public Enemy, Gryffindor, Sticky Bandits, Buffalo Solar Solutions, Cunning Stunts, The Bambs.

6.      Paul Nieman is returning to the TSL this season, this is not a drill.

7.      It’s terrible to hear that certain D2 teams cried about the idea of having to mix with the D1 teams that they threatened to not play at all. I won’t say who they are, but you’re better than that.

8.      Great move by Uncle Topper to hold off the season for two extra weeks. We’d normally be playing by now, but instead we’ve had more time to have the weather improve. Considering how the last two Saturdays went weather wise, this looks like a win, even if its ends up being 40 degrees this week.

9.      If you found the secret message in this article, good for you.

10.   I know it’s going to be weird without Lenny patrolling the sidelines or sitting at his corner in the bar. The TSL is headed towards uncharted territory. I do know one thing though, Lenny would be so mad that we’ve spent any time on him this offseason. As he’d put it: “The Show Must Go On.”

And so it will. Have fun Saturday!

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