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“If it wasn’t for Secretary’s Day I wouldn’t have a step mom.”

Andy Bernard

Oh snap it is quadruple dog on!!!!  The chase for social co-ed football immortality begins this Saturday July 7^th in the year of our Lord 2018. All the stars will be out.  We have questions as always

-Will Joey Batts do the impossible and bring peace to the galaxy as he becomes this league’s 1^st ever back to back MVP award winner?

-Will Drew show up again or does he have an 8:15 where he will tat the back street boyz on his heiney?

-Who wins the D1 title when all the dust settles?

-What must 3^rd and Schlong and No Punt Intended be thinking as both literally botched the opportunity of the century?

-Will Topper be quietly walking the fields this week knowing in his heart of hearts he had his best kick at the can ever but due to Boo Drew he once again must be the bridesmaid instead of the bride?

-Is All we do is Qwinn looking up into that good night wondering why the football Gods once again are forcing them to take on their new bitter rival Hope N Ruin?

-Will Matty Ice and Gordy K fulfill the prophecy and meet face to face on the 50 yard line for the coin flip of the D3 championship? Will it be hugs and kisses or hell, fire and brimstone?

-Can anyone stop Hootie and the Bro Fish?

-Can the Practice Squad shock the world and more importantly Dilly Dilly in route to their first ever D6 title?

-Will the D5 trophy be hoisted by a woman and not a man this season?

-Is JZ sitting in a dark room with no windows right now plotting and scheming as he could be cooking up something special in route to the D3 title?

-Will Public Enemy continue to commit the same sins of the past or is this the week they finally listen and do what they must to beat Eyes Downtown? There is only one way to stop them but does Public Enemy have enough balls to do it?

-Why would one wear seafoam green and royal blue together when it is so painfully obvious that these colors don’t match? No seriously can someone tell me why?

-Can anyone confirm or deny Brother Nero is still alive? If/when they find him can someone tell him he still owes Emily a back street boys song pronto……

-Can Uncle Rico go back to back? They have a very clear look at the title this week.

Al right the time for questions is done….it’s time to get our answers.

D1 Game of the Week

New God’s +4 vs Marketing Mayors: There 2 teams don’t exactly like each other much. MM has had the New God’s number lately. These teams match up well.  I have sounded like a broken record this season. The key to beating MM is simple find Smith and avoid Smith at all costs. NG are loaded top to bottom but their luck will rest on the right arm of Ricky Austin. I have sounded like a broken record on this issue as well but will we see Good Ricky or Bad Ricky? Are we about to see the Ricky that threw 53 on RAS or the Ricky that threw a duck to a 2^nd girl in a 30 mile an hour wind that got picked off? Cory Turner is a genius he will have his team ready. I think NG have enough skill to spread MM and attack the holes in their zone. The question will be can they execute well enough to take this one home? This one will be close and when it is close I usually go with the team that’s won it before. Marketing Mayor’s by 1

D2 Game of the Week

The Replacements+1 vs Gryffindor: I’m smelling an upset but I so want Joey Batts to win back to back league MVP’s that I am cheering for the Gryff this week. Brother Nero has literally been MIA since brother bowl I think he should apologize to the whole league for missing so much football, then he should apologize to his brother for not playing better. When he’s done with that he should play like his hair is on fire because this week it is all about his brother (for once). TR is a solid squad that have 2 burners. Gryff can run with 1 but they can’t run with both. My head is saying take the Replacements as Burr is due but my heart is was and will always be with the man that can move mountains with his mind. Joey Batts is a beacon of light in an otherwise dreary day. He makes every player around him better. The Gryff will be ready to roll if for the only reason that they do not want to disappoint their leader as he has a shot at league history this week. Sometimes the chase is better than the finish line. Yes TR has a great chance at the upset but how can one go against the Gryff? I can’t …and I won’t.  Gryffindor by 1

D3 Game of the Week

Bullet Club vs Morning Wood +3: I have been telling you for weeks that my team at 100% can play with anyone. Now that our QB is back we can shock the world and take home the D3 title. I so wonder who will play for Bullet Club. Half of me wants the Bullet Club/A&A final but half of me wants Bullet Cub to lose because it is not kool to stack your roster. However I do want the Brother’s K both Mikey and Gordy K to take home a title so I will be cheering for them this week. MW is solid top to bottom and Dave W deserves mad props for killing it this season as he is a flat out solid player. MW can pull the upset and can win this title. The team that executes better takes home this game. As strong as MW is I fear BC will pull out all their ringers and steal this game late. Not that Morning Wood needs any more motivation this week but if you asked me what their odds to win the D3 title are I would say 100-1. Your welcome Joe k.  Bullet Club by 1

D4 Game of the Week

Indecent Exposure vs Shredder’s +3: This one should be an interesting game, IE has a guy that is un-coverable. Shredders have a girl that is un-coverable. So what came first the chicken or the egg? Shredders have been a different team since the Queen Bee has returned. They are playing smart methodical football and look a lot like the Shredder’s of old. IE is no slouch themselves. Their QB is solid, they have a decent girl stable and they have both size and speed. Shredders have been known to be torched over the top. I expect an old fashioned barn burner between two solid football teams. I see this game in the high 20’s low 30’s. I think it will be back and forth all day and might go down to the last drive. If the season is one the line and IE must score there is only one place they can throw. Indecent Exposure by 1

D5 Game of the Week

Cunning Stunts +1 vs Matty’s Angels: Oh it’s on right here right now. This is easily the game of the day. We love us some girl on girl violence for all the marbles. In one corner you have the Angels. They have Matty Ice, they are plate o spaghetti at is best. They are quick, they are smart and they like to run early and often. In the other corner you have Joey Batts and Cunning Stunts. Some are shocked they are here but I am not as Joey Batts could be the greatest leader of our generation. The Clarke sisters are tearing shi!t up right now. It’s sand lot against methodical. Both teams are wicked good. CS will need to slow Matty Ice down with a decent pass rush and stick to their game plan. Angels need to just put their foot on the gas and play their game and let the chips fall where they may. It will be so hard to pick a winner as both teams are so deserving. I obviously want Joey Batts to win back to bac league MVP so I am taking the Stunts late.  Cunning Stunts by 1

D6 Game of the Week

Practice Squad vs Celino Sewer Rats +3:  It almost seems like a foregone conclusion that nothing can stop a Dilly Dilly Practice Squad final as both teams just seem a click or two better than the rest of the field. PS has a super girl that must be accounted for on every single play. They have size and speed and can score at will. CSR has a very good girl themselves and also boast a battle tested squad that has won the title before I just don’t think CSR has enough on offense to keep up this week. PS should take this one running away. I picked them by 1 because I picked everyone by 1 this week to stay consistent.   Practice Squad by 1

Last call on sub rules……

Please go to the rule book pages 2/3 Rules 5-7. There it will tell you what girls are allowed to sub in each division. If you need a sub you must email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. before Friday at 10AM for that week’s game ONLY. You may choose anyone you wish before Friday at 10am as long as you follow the rules on divisions. Please note one girl is not allowed to sub anymore and (3) D2 girls may not sub in D1 but if you have questions on specifics email us and we will tell you who they are.  For example if you are a team in D2 you may only choose a girl in D2-D6 to be your sub. If you are a team in D3 you may only use a sub that is a girl on a D3-D6 team. If you are a team in D6 you may only choose a girl sub from division D3-D6. Once you send us an email will respond promptly in writing that your request has been accepted. If someone beats you to the sub it will be rejected and you will have to re-submit. If Friday at 10am passes you may only choose a girl on our USL only. USL subs do not have to be formally requested via email. We ask as a courtesy you tell us but you don’t have to. You must also submit in writing all guy subs and B Club subs. To be clear do not email, call or text Topper if you do this we will reject your request. You must email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. only. If you use the “Topper told me it’s OK” excuse we will still suspend you so please don’t waste our time and please follow the rules as they are written.

5 Questions for Saturday

1. Has the Tommy Hughes Experience ended? Has the Gordy K Experience begun? Let’s hope they get this football and fun thing dialed in a bit better than the previous management.

2. Is this it for Kevin Zak? If you ask me it better not be. Dude is one of the best players ever to suit up in this leagues history. He deserves better than the crap he had to put up with this season. I so hope he finds a new team in the fall. This cat deserves to go out in style when it’s his turn to hang them up.

3.  Has Travis had enough and will he put himself in at QB this fall? Travis looked a tad frustrated after last week’s loss to New God’s.

4.  So if Hootie and the Bro Fish go to D1 like we all anticipate does Eric Kleckler stick with HATBF or stay true to TEIM?

5. Once the season is over what will happen next? I am hearing a huge discussion will be forth coming and the first order of business is to discuss if we keep letting people play on multiple teams or go back to 1 player 1 team. This discussion should be a fun one.

10 Final Thoughts for Saturday

1. The game I have my eye on this week is in D5 where it is Ladies Night when Matty’s Angels and Cunning Stunts shave at it. CS was smart to bench Drew as Joey Batts is easily the best player and QB in the history of this game and league. Yu can’t go wrong either way with either one of these 2 teams.

2. I am not one to talk so you didn’t hear this from me but I am hearing (2) pretty well known higher division female players are none too happy with their teams and both could be looking for new teams in the fall. BTW I caught up with Margo last week and girl told me she will be back in the fall. Margo rocks this is great news.

3. They stole the D6 title from them a few season’s ago then dropped super sub Rameer on them a few weeks ago in another huge win. It looks like HNR has Qwinn’s number. HNR V AWDIQ should be a barn burner between 2 teams that really don’t like each other much. HNR is old reliable that play a super safe and smart style. They are past champion’s so they know what it takes. AWDIQ just looks dialed in this session so this one could be a classic.

4. D1 should be armaggedon this week. Public Enemy so wants another crack at Eyes Downtown. New Gods wants another crack at Marketing Mayors. Eyes Downtown wants another crack at Marketing Mayors. Tommy Hughes wants another crack at Public Enemy QB. I don’t know how this one will end up but 4 very deserving teams are in the semi-finals.  You could make a case for all 4 teams.

5. If you asked me to pick winners in each division I would say. HATBF over The Replacements. Bullet Club over A&A. Uncle Rico’s over Indecent Exposure. All we do is Qwinn over Cunning Stunts and Dilly Dilly over Practice Squad.

6. I was very impressed with Angry Tailors last week in Breakfast Club.  I really think they could pull the upset and beat Peanut Butter Kelly Time. AT has Pete and Pete is really good. As long as JZ doesn’t play 18 yards off the ball at safety AT should be able to win. They have size speed and decent balance. I’m guessing Angry Tailors 31 Peanut Butter Kelly Time 27. I’m guessing 20 of those points will be scored on JZ.

7. Do you like miniature golf? Would you mind going out on the town with a young brunette lady if you win? Well guess what the Molly Morgan Invitational might be for you. Send us an email at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or call us or find us and we will get you into a golf group. The thought is to have all the golfers go play miniature golf then the winner can go out on a date with Moly Morgan. And yes I am well aware of the fact Game On will be doing a tournament quite like this months later as they like to steal all my ideas.  #mollymorganinvitational   #quitstealingmyideas  #dontjamscottkellerwhenits0-2stegemeier

8. I so want to hear “Gordon’s Gripes” as a weekly article next fall. Gordon has a very refreshing and yes violent slash angry look on things but it’s awesome and he needs his own article. Basically we want Gordon to just write a weekly article on anyone/anything that makes him mad each week.

9. It’s too bad we couldn’t find a way to have 3^rd and Schlong and No Punt Intended play any way for like 5 buckets or something. I think the world really wanted to see these 2 play one more game.  

10. Incidentally I would like to congratulate this league the past 3 or so weeks. I have seen a lot of folks having fun and being good both on and off the field. Maybe we just had a small hiccup mid-season but everyone has been doing very well so take a bow.

#DON’TBLOWIT

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