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Enter Week #5

“Make friends first, makes sales second, make love third. In no particular order.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

Things seem to be moving right along and that’s a good thing. The winners are winning the losers and losing and the break eveners are breaking even. In a week or so it will be time kick things up a notch as playoffs are quickly approaching………..

Where do we go from here? What happens next? Let’s find out……………

DIVISION #1

NEW GODS +3 VS TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION: This one should be interesting. TEIM seem to be the new flavor of the month. They are actually really good. The biggest thing with them is they are smart. They will figure out your weaknesses and do a very solid job to exploit your weaknesses. I really thought after last session New Gods were poised to take the next step but I have yet to see it. This is a defining moment for both teams. Will New Gods take this one and continue their development or are they over rated? Are TEIM the “next big thing” in D1 or are we reading too much into the last few games? I think we should have a better idea of each team’s fate by day’s end. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 3

MARKETING MAYORS VS TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION +4: If you want to truly know what you are made of this is the week you find out. There will be no bigger test for TEIM than the reigning annnnnd defending D1 champs Marketing Mayors. Cory Turner is an evil genius and will be waiting. Yes I know Delecki is as good as it gets in this league and yes he is out but MM are still playing solid football. If MM was at full strength I’m taking them 10 out of 10 times but they are not so anything can happen in this one. The TEIM girls are better than many think this could be the week they go off. There is no doubt in my mind Tiger is reading this wondering to himself if he actually is as good as he thinks he is. He will be put to the test this week. He has yet to see an athletic freak of nature like Andy Smith. Smith is fast and can jump into the sky. Tiger V Smith will be one match up to watch closely this week. MARKETING MAYORS BY 6

DIVISION #2

N W O VS THE PURGE +8: I think it is almost time for someone to say The Purge is done stick a fork in them. N W O started with so much promise but injuries have struck and I am still not sure Brother Nero will ever recover from Brother Bowl a few weeks ago. If N W O doesn’t win this one they are in big trouble. TP probably has another roster issue and N W O probably survives this game late. Will Brother Nero ever emotionally recover?  N W O BY 7

HOOTIE AND THE BROFISH VS DMX +8: It’s looking more and more like HATBF are the class of D2 and DMX are basement bound. DMX will score some points so they can make this fun but I just don’t see anyone in this division stopping this team.  HATBF are just cruising along these days. They check all the boxes and are getting stellar play all over the field from all players. They are one tough team to beat. I don’t see them taking the L this week not by a long shot. HOOTIE AND THE BROFISH BY 10

THE REPLACEMENTS +7 VS GRYFFINDOR: This one should be good. I am hearing rumors a Gryff star player might be out for a few weeks and this could sway the outcome. Yes I know Joey Batts is easily the best player in this game if not this entire league but what is he to do? One of his stars is out, his brother has gone cray cray after Brother Bowl and he is a man on an island right now. TR ae getting better. Funny thing has happened they final realized what we all already know…if you throw Burr the darn ball you will win. TR lives and dies on the right arm of their QB. This game will be closer than many think TR could be ready for them this time.  GRYFFINDOR BY 1

DIVISION #3

CINTAS VS STICKY BANDITS +4: Cintas are off to a nice start and things are good. Next up is the Sticky Nation. SB are finally starting to click. This game should be a good one. SB are a very solid and very methodical team. They will play solid mistake free football. This is a tough team to beat. Cintas reak of awesomeness as they have the people’s champion on their side. Most teams cower in intimidation when they must look across the side line and see the new “face that runs the place.” I of course am speaking of Joey Batts. Batman will come to paly but can his supporting cast pick him up? Joey is easily the best player in this game and each and every game he plays in quite frankly but one man can only do so much. I expect a close one here.  CINTAS BY 1

1 TOPPER TOO MANY VS STICKY BANDITS +7: Team Topper is on fire as they are dismantling every team they face. Their defense is fierce and their O is getting the job done. It is a shame that Drew plays in the same division as Joey Batts as he could easily be your D3 MVP but no  mere mortal can beat Joey Batts for this title. This game should be a good one. You have the systematic cerebral assassins from Sticky Bandits playing Uncle Topper and his sand lot crew with Eastern European football techniques. I still am shocked no one has had any Team Topper players checked for PED’S. This game will be a good one as these 2 teams are fierce rivals. 1 TOPPER TOO MANY BY 6

CINTAS VS A&A +4: What’s wrong with A&A? First it’s play on the field, then they have some “philosophical differences”, then last week everyone bails. Matty Ice is a gamer and he will right the ship of this I am sure. The Ice man is waiting another week or so before he begins tuning up for the real season. Cintas comes to town looking good. If all things are equal I am taking A&A but I am still not sure if they all show and if they do are they all on the same page. If Joey Batts struggles with one thing in his game he struggles keeping up with girls that can flat out go. A&A might have one or two of those girls. CINTAS BY 3

DIVISION #4

UNCLE RICO’S TIME TRAVELERS VS FULL THROTTLE +10: URTT lost a week #1 heart breaker but ever since they have kicked their game up a nickel. It all begins and ends on offense. Who needs defense when you can put up 35-40 points a week on O? Full Throttle just looks a click or two off. They are not yet ready for the main stage but like newer teams it usually takes a session or two before everyone just “gets it.” I look for URTT to score another 35-40 points in route to another big win.  URTT BY 9

3^RD AND SCHLONG VS SHREDDERS +13: On paper this one looks like a blow out but I am still not convinced. Yes 3AS has looked awesome to date as they continue to dismantle each and every team they have faced. But who have they faced? D4 is about haves and have nots. Half the division is good and half isn’t. Well 3AS has beat all the down teams sans URTT. Shredders have been awful on defense and that is killing them. I am not ready to call the upset but I am thinking an upset is coming or this game will be way closer than many would think. It pains me to say all of this I am a big fan of the Keller Nation. On an un-related topic I think Katie Keller and 40 yr plan guy should just quit fooling themselves and profess their love for each other this week on Field #2 at 1:00. If the royal wedding has taught us anything it’s that fairy tale endings can happen….they….can …happen…..    3^RD AND SCHLONG BY 4

AXA VS BREW CREW +7: Ok well one of them has to win. Both teams have been brutal as they both sit at 0-4 but there are glimmers of hope. AXA is struggling on D but they are scoring points so that is a positive. Brew Crew is struggling to score and more importantly struggling to stop anyone. If we use simple math A+B –C carry the one equals AXA will score about 30 and  Brew Crew won’t, take AXA. XA BY 3

DIVISION #5

HUNG BUFFALO VS HOPE N RUIN +3: HNR just seems to be missing something right now and they are off to a 1-2 start. We know they are notoriously slow starts it has been that way since their inception. This is a big rivalry game this week as these two teams know each other very well. HB can be beat with superfast girls but HNR doesn’t exactly have top shelf speed. I think HB gets back on track this week and takes this one late.  HUNG BUFFALO BY 1

HOPE N RUIN +3 VS THE BAMBS: Ok so The Bambs are going through some “philosophical differences” right now and that’s OK. They are still a good team but they just aren’t themselves these days.  TB still has Nick and thy have Parrish so they should be able to beat up on the shorter cover guys of HNR. Also the Bambs have some girls that can go so they should give HNR some headaches this week. If the Bambs are at 100% they roll in this game but they aren’t so it could be closer than you would think. THE BAMBS BY 3

TOMMY HUGHES EXPERIENCE +7 VS COME FROM BEHIND: I am hearing THE is missing Tommy Hughes and this means bad news for THE. Incidentally when you miss people that doesn’t mean you can just grab anyone to play for you. That is called breaking the rules and it not allowed. CFB should take THE to task this week. They are old vets that are solid across the board. They will be wise to the THE tom foolery and should take this one rather easily.  COME FROM BEHIND BY 9

PASSLESS CHAPS +10 VS THE BAMBS: TB are getting lucky this week as the Chaps are struggling a tad. TB are the seasoned vets and they need this game very bad so I reckon they will be ready to go this week. PC still need more time for their development and quite honestly like a few other teams might be better served in D6. TB should score early and often and should take this one rather easily. PC can’t score and can’t stop people this is a recipe for disaster his league.  THE BAMBS BY 7

VANDALAY INDUSTRIES +1 VS MATTY’S ANGELS: I still am confused. This game was happening at 2:00 now it’s at 10. VI has looked good and has shocked a lot of folks. MA have been up and down but really haven’t been overly impressive. I keep hearing MA are suffering from attendance issues and I keep hearing Joe K is all sad he can’t play QB for VI. As for the game anything can happen. Last time MA played a super slow team like this they got crushed but THE is a different squad than VI. If I was VI I would iso the eastern block and just keep throwing jump balls as Eastern block are really tall and will have 4-6 inches on every girl that tries to cover them. VI will lack speed and could struggle keeping up with the MA wr’s. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 3

WITTERS VS UFO +8: 2 weeks ago Witter’s looked like they should be in D7 but now they are 2-2. They are starting to get it and get it rather quickly UFO got a big win last week vs a very depleted THE. Witter’s should have enough fire power to outscore UFO this week. Witter’s has gone from also ran to easily a very under rated D5 squad. I am curious to see how they do the rest of the way. UFO will come to fight I just don’t think they have the horses to keep up with Witter’s WITTERS BY 7

CUNNING STUNTS VS ALL WE DO IS QWINN no line: This one should be a good one as each team is very good. AWDIQ is awesome and their record shows that. They are fast and they can play with almost anyone. CS are a solid squad but everything begins and ends at QB for them. AWDIQ is small and fast so CS might struggle to get separation on them. If Drew is QB he will be forced to make tight window throws that I think he really isn’t able to make yet. If Joey Batts plays this game well everything changes as Joey Batts can throw a marble at your eye ball with his pinpoint accuracy. I think he is so accurate due to many many years on the bocce ball circuit. Regardless I see a very close very entertaining game played between two very decent squads this week. All we do is Qwinn BY 1

DIVISION #6

THE MCKENZIE AGENCY +7 VS TIGHT END ZONES: This one should be good. OK what do we know? We know due to tom foolery and blatant thuggery TSL tremendously liked Brian Ferger now has a hand injury. This is not good if you are a TMA fan. TEZ do not look like much but they show up each and every week play solid mistake free football and walk away most weeks with the W. TEZ are not thugs and play a classy game so this one will be good but the damage is already done. Our hero is injured and that is not kool. FOR SHAME DILLY DILLY.FORRRRRRRRRR SHHHHHHAAAAAAAAME.  TIGHT END ZONES BY 6

JABRONIES +1 VS CELNO SEWER RATS: I am beginning to think the Jabronies are the gate way to D6 awesomeness. I think there is a story to tell there and I reckon at some point we will delve further into this team and its members. CSR are an up and down roller coaster you honestly never know what to expect. Jabronies are newbs but they continue to show up and are getting better and better week after week. This one could go either way. Oh yeah I forgot to mention. FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR SHAAAAAAAME DILLY DILLY FOOOOOOOOOOOR SHAAAAAAAAME.   CELINO SEWER RATS BY 4

5 Questions for Saturday

1. What the heck is wrong with Shredder’s? They are usually always in the hunt but this season they have looked awful especially on defense. Giving up 31 points a game will not translate in W’s.

2. Who the heck are Tight End Zones? They have literally come out of no where and are 3-1 with a huge 50-14 win over Practice Squad last week. A very grumpy bear known as the McKenzie Agency is up next. I heard Ferger is none too happy these days and will be looking to make a statement to D6 this weekend.

3. Can anyone stop 3^rd and Schlong? They are now like 5-0 and have literally dismantled every squad the TSL has trotted in front of them. Next up is the walking disaster known as Shredder’s. If ever there was a chance at an upset…….

4. Will a league wide investigation begin regarding the tom foolery and basic thuggery caused by Dilly Dilly in last week’s game with TMA? Foooooooooooor shaaaaaaaaaaaame Dilly Dilly Foooooooor Shaaaaaaaaaaame.

5. Will Brother Nero ever come back to us? I’m telling you ever since Brother Bowl Anthony seems lost in the matrix. I hope this game didn’t ruin him forever. He better come back quickly as N W O could start circling the drain if he doesn’t.

10 Final Thoughts for Saturday

1. The game I have my eye on this week is in D5 where Matty’s Angels and Vandalay Industries have at it. Matty’s Angels are 3-2 but I think they are a tad over rated. Vandalay Industries are the most under rated 3-1 team in the game today. VI will have the size advantage but MA will have the speed edge. This one should be good. Last time MA went at it with slow slumbering squad they got smoked will this happen once again or will they be ready this time for war?

2. Well they smoked Racks and Sacks and they had a war with Public Enemy. This week Tight Ends in Motion will get both New Gods and the D1 champs Marketing Mayors. If TEIM wants to know where they stand in the race for the title this is the week they should find out.

3. Awesome battle looming in D5 between (2) 3-1 teams in Cunning Stunts and All we do is Qwinn. AWDIQ has settled in nicely in D5 as they are one tough out in this division. CS has looked decent but things begin and end at QB for them. CS usually uses their speed to their advantage but AWDIQ is wicked fast and will be able to go toe to with them across the board.

4.  One of this leagues favorite rivalries heats back up at 2:00 on Field #2 when The Sticky Nation has at it with 1 Topper too Many. Team Topper is like 3-0 and pretty much on a collision course with Bullett Club for the D3 title. Sticky started slowly but seems to be picking up steam as the season progresses. This game is always worth the price of admission.

5. Don’t look now but Witter’s has started to get our attention. They looked dreadful in week #1 but they now stand at 2-2 after a big win over Matty’s Angels. This week a hot UFO comes to town. The team that wins this game might catch some lighting in a bottle and shoot up the ranks while the loser probably misses the D5 dance. No pressure….no…..pressure.

6. If I had to pick the all “over rated teams to date”: D1 New Gods.  D2 The Purge. D3 Sticky Bandits. D4 3^rd and Schlong. D5 Matty’s Angels D6: The McKenzie Agency.

7.  If I had to pick the all “under rated teams to date”: D1 Tight Ends in Motion. D2 Gryffindor D3 A&A. D4 Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers. D5 Witter’s. D6 Tight End Zones

8. When the season first stared I felt D5 was the best division in our game today and I still feel the same way today. (8) teams are either 3-1 or 2-2 as the race for the title is getting awesome. The teams in this division all continue to fight for the 8 golden tickets. . Week after week we are getting top notch games.

9. OK We got some clarification on do’s and don’ts moving forward. It is OK to have fun “allegedly”. Unfortunately please don’t have fun past 5:30. That structure you see outside with all the alcohol and stuff on the shelves is a piece of art and should be viewed, revered and marveled at for its magnificent nay extraordinary nay omnipotent nay breath taking beauty but in no way, shape or form should it be used “allegedly” I mean “apparently”.  Having sex is a good thing and should be enjoyed in a bed or on a counter or in an elevator or in an airplane bathroom but in no uncertain terms should sex happen in the Angry Buffalo Bathroom. OK this is where things get tricky….singing is a nice thing. Try to do it in your shower or in your car or on your way to the fields. If you really feel the urge during the day go to your car and just start singing away.(obviously put up your windows) (unless you bring your dog with you then we would like you to drive .73 miles crack the window open for your dog ,obviously, then sing away) Don’t sing inside the bar. Don’t sing inside the bar past 5 or 530. If you really don’t like this please call us and we will get you and like 30 other people together. Then we will put you all on a platform and we will record the TSL’s version of “we are the world.” OK  “good news” we have been told that you are allowed to breath as most humans need to do this to survive but please keep your breathing to a minimum after 5:30 if you still are at the bar. Everyone at 5:30 should hand in their cell phones as snap stories are now strictly prohibited. This wasn’t a formal request (by anyone but me) or complaint I just am sick of seeing dumb snap stories seriously people try and be more original if you could. Incidentally I am not a Dr., nor do I play one on TV, but when you throw up there is usually a reason for it. You either are super stupid and you didn’t eat, you are super stupid and didn’t stay hydrated or you are just flat out super stupid. If you are female and you threw up there is like a 1-3 percent chance you could be pregnant so get that checked out. Then go see a shrink because drinking while pregnant and throwing up is totally super stupid. So remember don’t over drink and throw up that’s super stupid. Remember if you are going to drink, eat lunch and/or dinner and drink plenty of water. If tom foolery continues we will assign each and very TSLer an official “safety buddy” and we will then make you all send us essays each week on your progress post football until your behavior gets better.  If you already have an official “safety buddy” you will be exempt from this process but still will be required to submit weekly essays.  So in closing singing, and being loud after 5:00 is no longer acceptable, however we have been told breathing is OK (for now) (“allegedly) (I mean “apparently”) and obviously you may buy a drink and they will gladly take your money at any time during the day or night. Thank you that is all.

10. If I had to pick breakfast club games I would say…Chef Curry 31 Angry Tailors 23. Val’s Pal’s 28 Peanut Butter Kelly Time 27. Taminator’s 31 Poppin Molly’s 24

#DINNERCROWD

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