• Print
• Email

“They are who we thought they were!” - Dennis Green (no relation to Rameer)

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, welcome to the next level of the TSL Regular Season. What does that mean exactly? Well, we’re entering Week 4. By the time the final whistle blows this week, most of the TSL’s franchises will have played half of their games (with the exceptions of weirdos like the Freeballers or the Wanderers, who will only be at 2 games played, or the Raw Milkers who will be at 6!). At this point, the rust from the long (and hot) summer layoff should be shaken off. New players who may have needed a few reps to learn and get on the same page as their teams should be figuring it out, and if they’re not doing so just yet? They’ll probably be seeing the free agent list come spring. 

 

At this point, you’re becoming exactly who you are this season. For some of you, you’re feeling inconsistent or a little off. It’s not a great feeling for anyone, but if you’re a brand new team completely, or a team that has a LOT of new faces from different faces, there’s still hope for you as you settle in throughout the season. But if you’re largely the same roster and things are misfiring? Time is running out. Sure, you can lose every game you play from now until Playoff Saturday and still kill it in the playoffs. But not many teams really can pull off the “B”, going 0-8 and winning the title. Losing can make anyone squirm. Players can start the side texts about “Oh man, Kyle just simply can’t cover anyone, he shouldn’t play defense anymore!”, or “I don’t get how Susie can’t count to six one thousand”, or “Darryl can’t play QB anymore!”. At the end of the day, this league is about winning. It’s about results. Anyone who tells you “It’s for fun!” are descendants from the gatherers during dinosaur times. They don’t have hunter blood in them. Their ancestors didn’t fight raptors by smashing in their skulls with a rock or two. But on every team, there are people with hunter blood flowing in their veins, and they’re there to win. And when they’re losing? They might fake being nice to not look like a jerk, but internally they’re LIVID that “we just lost another game we should’ve won”. And those are the people who are more than likely going to lose their cool if the losses pile up. And that negative energy will affect the entire team heading into the playoffs, and the team more than likely isn’t going to pull off the “shocking” championship win. 

 

This week is the time for everyone to really dial it in before the season slips away. Before the side chats get louder and more active. And for the lower division teams, before the higher division teams start swooping in and stealing your talent faster than you can say “Shari”, or more recently, “Jill”. Just remember kids, the side texts aren’t always between players on the same team. Keep an eye out. 

D1

 

LAST WEEK’S GAMES

 

Eyes Downtown 36, Mavericks 32

Mavericks 47, Frodo Swaggins 35

Well, the Mavericks might have been 1-1 on the day last week, but they’re still winning big in the sense that they’re establishing themselves in D1 pretty nicely. A 4 point loss to Eyes Downtown AND a two score win against Frodo? They’re looking better than the 1-3 record suggests. 

 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES

 

FRODO SWAGGINS VS FREEBALLERS (+8) - Okay Frodo, time to get it together. A season removed from being D1 darlings, you were supposed to take the next step, but an 0-2-1 record isn’t exactly that. The Freeballers have only played once this season, so they may still have rust or a lack of familiarity with whoever their QB is. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 14

 

STICKY BANDITS VS FREEBALLERS (+13) - Sticky Bandits look to be having one of those seasons where they’re “on”, which is better for D1 overall. But it’s not better for the Freeballers, who look to avoid the all too familiar 0-3 record, but fail at that. STICKY BANDITS BY 17

 

LEGENDS VS UNIT HA HA (+10) - The kings (and queens) of D1 return to the fields to take on HAHA yet again after winning by nearly 40 points already. The schedule makers did the new team ZERO favors by giving them the Legends twice in their first three games, but at least they can get these ones out of the way early. LEGENDS BY 27

D2

 

LAST WEEK’S GAMES

 

Scared Hitless 25, Can’t Touch This 19

Jabronies 41, Grey Hair Don’t Care 28

The Malones 44, Can’t Touch This 34

 

Well then. The Malones once again beat Can’t Touch This, cementing this status as the top contender in D2. But also, Scared Hitless beat CTT as well, and the Jabronies handled GHDC pretty easily as both teams are showing that the gap between them and the top is essentially zero. D2 is looking a lot more interesting. 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES

 

THE MALONES VS GREY HAIR DON’T CARE (+13) - The Malones are back baby! After a season or two where they seemed “Less Maloney” than ever (in other words, they actually lost games), this season’s team has really put it together so far, vanquishing their rivals twice now and becoming the D2 title clubhouse leader. There’s no worries about them looking past an opponent, even with GHDC at 0-3, that just means they smell blood and will try to put up 50 points. THE MALONES BY 20

 

JABRONIES VS CAN’T TOUCH THIS (+3) - It’s not often that I’ve had to put CTT as an underdog, but that’s how Vegas sees things this week. The line between “Look out for these guys” and “something is wrong internally” is razor thin, and CTT is finding themselves on the wrong side of things unfortunately. The Jabronies, however, are cruising pretty well. Joe Miano continues to be an underrated QB, and he’s been dialed in. These Jabronies are different. This is a huge game for both teams. CTT needs the win to get off the loser wagon, but a win here for the Jabronies will officially announce their arrival.  JABRONIES BY 1

 

CAN’T TOUCH THIS VS PASSING WHILE INTOXICATED (EVEN) - I didn’t think I’d see this game as even, but the CTT 1-3 record has Vegas all over the place. PWI is only 1-1 and really, we don’t even know who they really are yet as they’ve only been at the fields one of the three weeks so far. I can’t imagine CTT at 1-5. CAN’T TOUCH THIS BY 7

 

D3

 

LAST WEEK’S GAMES

 

D-Generation X, Y, and Z 42, Buffalo Vice 20

Bullet Club 24, ILF 19

Practice Squad 37, GirthQuakes 22

ILF 33, Cunning Stunts 27

Cunning Stunts 53, GirthQuakes 24

 

D3 is just over here D3-ing. The division boasts 5 teams in the Top 13 of the Topper Rankings System, as all of them sport 2-1 records, with the exception of ILF who are 2-2. The next two teams after that are the 1-0 Wanderers, and 1-2 Practice Squad. What a crazy division. DXYZ did their part, taking down the once undefeated Buffalo Vice. Bullet Club handled ILF, who went 1-1 on the day after weaseling out a win over the Stunts. The Stunts took out their aggressions on the GQs an hour later, and the GQs went 0-2 last week, also giving Practice Squad their first win of the year. I’m not going to try to make sense of it all. It’s just fun to watch the chaos unfold. 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES

 

WANDERERS VS D-GENERATION X, Y, AND Z (EVEN) - And just like that, we get a crazy fun marquee matchup. The Wanderers have only played one game so far this season (a 47-44 win over ILF), and because of the “out of sight, out of mind” reasoning, people have forgotten who they ARE. The best way to remind everyone would be with a big win this week, but they’re up against a DXYZ team that just remembered who THEY are after a lost season last year. This has all of the makings of a great game. WANDERERS BY 2

 

BULLET CLUB VS CUNNING STUNTS (EVEN) - These two teams meet after a classic game in last year’s playoffs. The Stunts seem to be cruising a lot more this season, looking more comfortable in D3 with each passing week. Bullet Club, meanwhile, has looked good the last two weeks, getting big leads early, and cruising to the end of the game, but that can only last so long before it bites them. However, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and after last week’s ‘nonsense’, I expect them to come out flying. CUNNING STUNTS BY 13

 

INTERDIMENSIONAL LIGHTNING FALCONS VS BUFFALO VICE (EVEN) - ILF is currently 2-2 in their first go of D3, and in their own minds they could ‘easily’ be 4-0 (They probably should be 1-3.). Buffalo Vice was a nice story to start the year on top of the division, however a loss last week knocked them from their perch. However, that was played without their QB, which of course makes a huge difference. I flipped a coin, it told me to go with ILF. I didn’t like it. BUFFALO VICE BY 6

 

D4

 

LAST WEEK’S GAMES

 

Puckett All-Stars 22, Come From Behind 20

Ready To Retire 36, Cobblestone 26

 

Puckett continues their hot start to the season with a hard fought win over Come From Behind, while Ready To Retire keeps chugging along with a win over Cobblestone. 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES

 

POWERPUFF GIRLS VS COME FROM BEHIND (+10) - The PPGs are back again, this time to wreak havoc on Come From Behind. While CFB will be no pushover for the Girls, word is that Paul LoVullo may not be throwing? Is that real? If it is, CFB will have to rely on their usual tough defense to hold the ladies in check, which is something nobody really has ever done. So good luck! POWERPUFF GIRLS BY 18

 

PUCKETT ALL-STARS VS COBBLESTONE (+12) - Cobblestone is a work in progress as Darryl Carr QB Superstar is doing everything in his power to get his old players up to speed and on his level. Just because he brought back some old faces doesn’t mean they know what to do anymore. What worked back in 2015 doesn’t work now, as Darryl has evolved light years beyond what he used to be. Puckett, however, is locked in. They’ve been playing really good football to start the season, and I expect that to continue this week. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 10

 

TWO TUDDIES VS READY TO RETIRE (+3) - The Tud Buds are back and ready to do some damage on the fields yet again. They’ve looked good in D4, and the vibes are immaculate right now. They get their toughest test of the season versus Ready To Retire, an under the radar D4 title contender, simply because of the top end talent the division has. A win against the Tuddies would put Eickhoff’s squad right on that radar though. I can’t believe we live in a world where a win against the Two Tuddies puts you on the map. Maybe this IS a simulation. READY TO RETIRE BY 1

D5

 

LAST WEEK’S GAMES

 

Stir The Sauce 25, Sausage McMuffins 8

Blitzkrieg 37, Pit Harade 14

Not So Sticky 30, Blitzkrieg 24

Balls Deep 44, Mo’ Chicken 6

Bridget & Quit It 32, Not So Sticky 18

The ‘haves’ and the ‘have nots’ in D5 are starting to develop before our very eyes. Balls Deep and Bridget & Quit are a step above the rest as they move to 3-0, with Stir The Sauce, Not So Sticky, and Blitzkrieg slightly behind. Meanwhile, the McMuffins look to be in the middle of a rough season, hanging down at the bottom of the standings with Mo’ Chicken and Pit Harade. 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES

 

BLITZKRIEG VS STIR THE SAUCE (+6) - Stir The Sauce is more than likely the team that I feel “least good” about putting in the “mushy middle” of the D5 contenders, but they’re 2-1 right now and this game could go a long way towards showing what they’ve got. Blitzkrieg is very, very good, especially in the fall. Fall QB (who doesn’t wear a red hoodie, don’t get excited) tends to do better Spring QB AND Allie is still dominating the other D5 females. This should be a good one. BLITZKRIEG BY 8

 

STIR THE SAUCE VS MO’ CHICKEN (+13) - No matter what happens to STS in Game 1, they’ll get a MO team that should help lift their spirits no matter what. MO plays a very weird strategy of allowing a lot of points and not scoring a lot, which has found them at 0-3-1. They’re still figuring things out, and injuries/roster changes didn’t help them this season. STIR THE SAUCE BY 20

 

BALLS DEEP VS PIT HARADE (+13) - Like most teams that have moved up from D6, Balls Deep seems to be trending in a different way than Pit Harade. Balls Deep is an immediate title contender, as they just keep putting up points on everyone they play. Their momentum from the D6 title hasn’t slowed at all. Meanwhile, Pit Harade continues to cycle through QBs but they’ve got a really solid core compared to years past. However these two teams are on opposite ends of the spectrum right now. BALLS DEEP BY 17

 

NOT SO STICKY VS SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS (+7) - The McMuffins seem to be a bit off this season, and getting NSS isn’t going to help them much. Something isn’t right, and the SMM defense has been quite porous. NSS is going to exploit those holes for sure. NOT SO STICKY BY 8

D6

 

LAST WEEK’S SCORES

 

Raw Milkers 53, Puck Bunnies 44

Flying Balls 56, Three Tuddies 8

Blue Ballers 50, TMA 8

Irish Giants 16, Select 12

The Chargers 47, Four Tuddies 0

 

The Raw Milkers FINALLY get a win, barely surviving the Puck Bunnies who, despite their lack of winning, improve each week. The Flying Balls and The Chargers are the success stories of the TSL season. Both look amazing, and both of them handled their version of the Tuddies pretty easily. The Blue Ballers put up a ton of points again, dispatching of TMA. And the Irish Giants took down Select in a close game. 

THIS WEEK’S GAMES

 

INTENTIONAL CLOWNING VS PUCK BUNNIES (+12) - The Puck Bunnies look like they’re going to need more reps this year, and that’s okay. I won’t go so far as to say the season looks lost already, because the PBs have more than enough talent already on the roster that if a couple of things click, they could make a run. IC started off with 2 wins, but find themselves near the top of the standings, but they feel like they’re a step behind some of the others. A big win here could change some minds about them. INTENTIONAL CLOWNING BY 11

 

IRISH GIANTS VS THREE TUDDIES (+8) - The Irish Giants finally played a game this season, handing Select their first loss of the year. Now they’re taking on a Three Tuddies team who have had some trouble getting the offense going. While the Giants don’t typically put up TONS of points, they sure do okay preventing them. IRISH GIANTS BY 7

 

FLYING BALLS VS SELECT (+13) - Select is a good team, and they’re going to feel partially disrespected by this line. But the Flying Balls appear to just be that GOOD. I talked to both Ben and Dan from the squad (shoutout emails!) and I guess they know people on IC that got them into the league and they’re all friends. Apparently all of the great talent went to the Flying Balls though. FLYING BALLS BY 17

 

THE CHARGERS VS THREE TUDDIES (+13) - What a day for QB Kory Reid here on the 3Tuds. Irish Giants are tough enough and now they get The Chargers in a doubleheader? The Schedule Makers did the 3Tuds no favors here. The Chargers have a lot of talented players, led by WR Miles who I’ve heard is pretty talented. I’d love to know more about these guys. So far the only thing I do know is that they’ll be 4-0. THE CHARGERS BY 16

 

BLUE BALLERS VS IRISH GIANTS (+7) - Another great game for the fans to sit by and watch. The Blue Ballers have a high flying offense, although their defense leaves something to be desired. But the best defense is a great offense. The Irish Giants are just about the polar opposite. Great D, not as great O. I think the Blue Ballers are too good to slow down enough for the Giants to keep pace with though. BLUE BALLERS BY 9

 

TMA vs STICKY LACES (+7) - TMA, fresh of a loss last week, looks to rebound against Sticky Laces who ALSO find themselves at 1-1 on the season so far. Both teams are very capable of taking this one, but if TMA has the whole crew there, I have to give them the edge. TMA BY 2

 

FLYING BALLS VS RAW MILKERS (+14) - The Milkers got their win out of the way last week, but with how many points they seem to be giving up, there's a chance that the Flying Balls could hit 70 if they wanted to. FLYING BALLS BY 22

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

 

• What game are you most excited for this week? Personally, I think the best game this week is going to be the Wanderers vs DXYZ matchup in D3. Two fantastic teams going head to head in our most even division top to bottom is always the way to go. 

 

 

 

• Who has surprised you the most this season so far? I think seeing how good the Flying Balls and The Chargers are in D6. They went from unknowns to quite knowns. The league can always use fresh talent! 

 

 

 

• Does the cooler weather make a big difference? In a word, YES. Anyone can play when it's sunny and warm, but the second the weather gets that chill in the air with a cold breeze? Even the best TSLers can’t “get up” for the game. While it’s obvious how wind and rain affect games, temperature matters too. 

 

 

 

• Why does it show the Spring Sublist on the website? Why not the Fall one? Because Jeff Krol is a busy man and it must’ve slipped his mind [Editors Note: FUCK.  Alright, I'll fix that soon, but the Captains all have the Fall Sublist!]

 

 

 

• Who are three teams that need a win this week? I think the favorites for this are currently the Sausage McMuffins, Can’t Touch This, and Frodo Swaggins. 

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

 

Garrett’s cornhole tournament is happening at the bar after the games, it's a blind draw and should be lots of fun. Anyone can join! 

 

Games of the Day: 

1. 10:00 - Wanderers vs D-Generation X, Y, and Z
2. 11:00 - Bullet Club vs Cunning Stunts
3. 12:00 - Can’t Touch This vs Jabronies
4. 1:00 - Select vs Flying Balls
5. 2:00 - Sticky Laces vs TMA

 

I like getting new voices on the podcast each week. From my perspective it’s nice putting voices and personalities to the names I keep hearing about each week. 

 

This might be one of the most “even” years we’ve had so far in TSL history. Every division feels like they have at least 2-4 legit contenders for the title. 

 

It’s going to be 68 degrees and windy with a chance of rain this week. Good luck everyone. 

 

Why has B’s Brother NOT started writing a weekly article for the league?

 

Why hasn’t anyone in the league stepped up to write one of their own anyway? We have a Monday opening. 

 

We can always use more referees and if you have visions of playing for a second team in your future, remember you need to ref at least 4 games to do so! Give Garrett or Jeff a message if you want to help! 

 

As always, the league does its best to keep things on track, so do everyone a favor and try to be there 5-10 minutes early for your games so we don’t have to wait for you to sprint from the parking lot as the game is starting! 

 

It’s been a good year so far for people having a good time and for sportsmanship, I haven’t been told of anything negative happening in terms of fighting, yelling, etc outside of the usual stuff. Keep that up! 

 

-GF OUT

• Prev
• Next