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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, congratulations. You’ve made it guys. This Saturday, October 19th, in the Year of Our Lord 2024, at 9:00 am Eastern Standard Time, with the weather projected to be a sunny, 69 degrees fahrenheit with a slight breeze coming from the southwest, the Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality will officially begin. 

 

That’s right, after two grueling months of arguing referees, battling each other, battling yourself (“Am I not good enough anymore? Was I ever?” No Scott, you weren’t.), begging people (mostly females) to sub for your team, being annoyed that your game was at the one time you didn’t need it to be even though you got the schedule a month and a half ago and you didn’t check it so you made plans with Bobby, Jimmy, and Sue to go play pickleball and you got guilted into playing football anyway so you were whiny at the fields and left right away, rescheduling games, turning your ankle on Field 5, being annoyed because you got that one ref who just isn’t going to take venmo for their fees even though its 2024 and they need to get out of the stone age, wearing similar colors as your opponents and neither team has an extra color (even though all teams should be prepared, they just never are because 72% of TSL captains are butt cheeks when it comes to this stuff) so you just deal with it and your QB has an off game because of it and you’re still surprised they were “that bad” today, being incredibly disappointed in a teammate or two because they bailed on the game at 10am on Saturday so you can’t get a sub for them, doing shots at the bar, sprinting off the fields during a random downpour you weren’t quite ready for, telling yourself and your team after a 20 point loss “yeah, but when we have our whole team actually here, I’m not worried about them, we’ll win by two scores”, and of course, actually playing football games, you come to realize that none of that actually mattered and the ONLY thing that matters for the TSL Fall 2024 season (besides the friends and memories we made along the way) are the next two weeks, not the last two months. 

 

On this glorious weekend, 43 of the TSL’s 51 teams (3 D1 teams have a bye, 2 D2 teams have a bye, 2 Breakfast Club teams already lost, and Straw Hats are a bunch of quitters) will travel down to the Lenny Alba Fields at The Rose Garden at the Angry Buffalo to do battle for the honor of being called a TSL Champion. It’s the hardest thing to do, even in this age of people playing on multiple teams and teams stacking rosters worse than ever. (I’ve gotten multiple emails from ‘old timer’ TSLers about this pandemic that’s ruining the league. The league seems pretty strong to me.) It takes just about everything to go right for a team to navigate themselves through this Immortality Tournament, where one wrong step can not only cause you to slip on the field, it can be what slips your team from a championship. 

 

TSL Playoff Saturday is one of the best sports days of the year. It’s a day that is always ripe with upsets, and VERY RARELY does the day go “chalk”. #1 seeds are routinely upset by #8 seeds (or #9 seeds!). And the same goes for the rest of the ‘top’ teams. Playoff Saturday is where perfect seasons go to die, and when the dust clears on this season it shows me that only TWO teams ended the year undefeated - Wet Bandits in D1, Cunning Stunts in D4. Joey Batts is dominating the league at such an alarming rate that Chris Cole, Matty Ice, Ricky Austin, Taylor Seketurski, and Dean Thompson all took a trip to Germany to get those blood replacement treatments (Dean was fine, he was just there for support) that they used to give Kobe Bryant (See: legal HGH) so they can all come back to throw and defeat him. It’s basically the TSL’s Avengers taking on a tiny Thanos. Yes, I’m aware that there were better “former QBs” to throw into this joke, but you can’t have an Avengers full of Captain Americas. Sometimes you just need a Hawkeye. Either way, 9-0 doesn’t matter this week. At this point, everyone starts back at 0-0. Every team has a chance that by 3pm on Saturday, October 26th, they too can be immortal. 

 

Is it going to be you? 

 

(Disclaimer: As usual, the lines are given to me by the TSL Official Odds Committee in Las Vegas, The “TSL Rank” is based off a league wide overall ranking using very specific qualifications that Topper came up with on a wine bender 15 years ago and can’t remember what they are. Of course we still just go with it. The PF/PA rankings are within the division, not the league. The “Last 3” is a team’s record in the final three weeks of the season (some played only 2 games, others played 4, the rest had 3), to show who’s coming in “hot” and who’s coming in “not”.)

D1

 

The Contenders

 

Wet Bandits (2-1)

Eyes Downtown (3-1)

 

The “Probably are contenders but something feels off and they just lost to Grey Hair Don’t Care but they get respect since they won the title last season” sort of Contenders

 

Sticky Bandits (6-1)

The Pretenders That Didn’t Get A Bye

 

Frodo Swaggins (10-1)

Freeballers (100-1)

The Story: The Wet Bandits Revenge Tour has been so far so good as they’ve dominated the TSL’s top division this year. They feel like they’ve hit an extra gear this time around. Eyes Downtown didn’t have the best season in the Spring (Bobby playing Breakfast Club ruined his pre-game routine of running around and stretching for two hours before every game) but after a slow start, Eyes Downtown has been GOOD once again. They’ve won 8 in a row. Look out. Sticky gets the “post title hangover” pretty badly it seems, as they just have not been themselves this time around. Most of this can be blamed on Jeff Krol’s poor preparation for each game, as Travis diabolically gave up running the sublist so that Jeff would have even MORE on his plate (running the league, being a new dad, moving, being way less cool than his wife, etc) and it seems to have worked. Frodo is out there winning games and they’ve had their best run in D1, but they’re JUSTTTT outside of being able to beat the top squads. Freeballers get a joke 100-1 odds (it’s more like 125-1) but after a not great start to the season they ended up 3-6, which was pretty impressive, but to see them have to beat Frodo, Wet Bandits and then one of ED/Sticky in a row doesn’t feel like it’s in the cards this year. 

Bye Weeks: Wet Bandits, Eyes Downtown, Sticky Bandits

#4 Frodo Swaggins (4-4-1) vs #5 Freeballers (3-6) 

 

PF: Frodo 35.11 (3rd) - FB 28.89 (5th)

PA: Frodo 31.56 (3rd) - FB 35.78 (5th)

TSL Rank: Frodo 26th, FB 36th

Last 3: Frodo 1-1, FB 2-2

Past Games: 46-21 Frodo

Line: Frodo Swaggins (-10)

 

The Freeballers have nothing to be ashamed of for having the guts to go up to D1, knowing that they’d be losing arguably the best player in the TSL in Sean, since he was already on the Wet Bandits. They picked it up during the season, and you just KNOW they’re going to come back in the Spring with some great Free Agent pickup along the way. They’re essentially where Frodo was a few seasons ago. Frodo continues to grow, and after some roster changes, Garrett is back to being a pretty damn good QB. Frodo is just a few steps ahead on the path to D1 contenders. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 13

D2

 

The Contenders

 

The Malones (3-1)

Can’t Touch This (4-1)

Mavericks (6-1)

 

The “Don’t You Dare Sleep On Us” Pretenders

 

Grey Hair Don’t Care (8-1)

Scared Hitless (8-1)

The Untouchaballs (10-1)

 

The Story: The entire division got some stiff competition from the D1 teams they got to play this season, and along the way we sort of forgot how D2 played out. The “contenders” all went some version of 4-1 or 3-1 in just D2 games, while the “pretenders” were all 1-3 or 1-4. There’s a clear divide, which can only mean that two of the “pretenders” will meet for the D2 title, probably. But not really. The Malones came into D2 with a ton of fanfare and a little bit of “I thought they were going straight to D1?”. It’s weird to see them have a losing record, but going 0-4 in the crossover games will do that. That means, you guessed it, they were 4-1 in D2, and they ended up with the best point differential in the D2 games. Just when you thought they were dead, here they are. Can’t Touch This and the Mavericks both have had really good seasons, with some signature wins along the way. Both teams would easily compete in D1, but this is about D2. They earned the bye weeks, and in a division like this, a bye week is a big advantage. Grey Hair closed the season on a nice little run, getting a win over Sticky on top of it. They’re gaining some momentum. Scared Hitless was a 2-7 team that could’ve been what? 5-4, easily? When I say that whatever happened for the last two months doesn’t matter and that everyone is 0-0, they’re the type of team I’m talking about. Bad luck during the season, but that luck can change during the playoffs in an instant. The Untouchaballs are a surprisingly bad 1-8 team that just might have said “We don’t care about the regular season, it’s whatever, we’re going to kick ass in the playoffs”. A 1-8 team winning a championship would be huge TSL news…anywhere else. If this team did it? Wouldn’t surprise anyone. 

#3 The Malones (4-5) vs #6 The Untouchaballs (1-8)

 

PF: Malones 39.11 (1st) - UT 19.22 (6th)

PA: Malones 35.44 (4th) - UT 39.78 (6th)

TSL Rank: Malones 27th, UT 49th

Last 3: Malones 2-1, UT 0-3

Past Games: 36-13 The Malones

Line: The Malones (-13)

 

The Malones are the 3 seed, but they’re the betting favorites to win it all. What a weird world we live in here. We know their story at this point. Potent offense that when they’re on, they’re ON. Defense could use a little work, but realistically their best defense is their offense. Fantastic males and females. Just a great team that’s been getting better. The Untouchaballs, of course, have Jeremy F’n Burr at QB. They have a team that’s won this whole thing before. They’re the “total package” usually, but this just doesn’t feel like it’s their year. THE MALONES BY 14

#4 Grey Hair Don’t Care (3-6-1) vs #5 Scared Hitless (2-7)

 

PF: GHDC 26.20 (5th) - SH 28.75 (4th)

PA: GHDC 32.60 (2nd) - SH 35.63 (5th)

TSL Rank: GHDC 29th, SH 46th

Last 3: GHDC 2-1, SH 0-3

Past Games: 36-10, GHDC

Line: EVEN

 

Yes, GHDC just beat Scared Hitless 36-10 a week ago, but I’m going to assume Fall Fest ruined that for SH anyway. That’s not to take away from the great games GHDC had last week (They beat Sticky 36-21 in a crossover game too), but the averages from the entire season suggest these two teams are much closer than that. This is going to be one of those “whichever team blinks first” games, I can feel it. Scared Hitless feels due for a big win, and while Eickhoff really plays well in the playoffs, Scared Hitless historically ramps it up as a team when the games matter the most. SCARED HITLESS BY 1

D3

 

The Contenders

 

Wanderers (3-1)

Practice Squad (4-1)

Mix’n It Up (5-1)

Let’s Get Reccked (5-1)

Jabronies (7-1)

Bullet Club (7-1)

The Pretenders

 

Buffalo Vice (12-1)

Passing While Intoxicated (12-1)

Topper’s All-Stars & Todd (14-1)

The Story: The story remains the same as it always does. Every team is insanely close, D3 has the best division top to bottom, and literally anyone can win. D3 could have Seeds 1-4 playing next week, but it could also have seeds 5-7 and 9 playing as well. It’s TSL football at its finest. The Wanderers roll in as the favorites, but they do that often and have yet to have anything to show for it. Practice Squad started out 5-0 before they started losing,but they got a big win over Mix’n It up to right the ship before the playoffs. And we all know about “Playoff B”, so the Squad figures to get a nice boost. Mix’n It Up hasn’t had the best offense, but it's their suffocating defense that wins games for them usually. Let’s Get Reccked is right where they always are: in the middle of the contenders, but they leave you feeling like they should’ve won another two games along the way. Jabronies ended up in the 3rd seed overall after an up and down season, but they feel a little out of place with the top teams. Bullet Club had a much better season than last year, and they’re 5-2 after going 0-2 in Week 1, which cost them in these close standings. PWI took their lumps this season after moving up, but they still have solid girls and a good QB, so they’re going to be fine in the future. Buffalo Vice has a ‘not great’ defense, and while they’re 3-6, 2 of those wins were by forfeit, so it’s harder to gauge exactly how good they are. TAST brings up the rear this season, but they had two forfeit losses, and early season roster struggles (mainly with QB subs) didn’t tell the entire story of the team. The only time they really had their entire squad was the one point loss against Mix, and if I recall, they got robbed and should’ve won that game. Plus, Topper is back throwing now. Our first ever TSL #9 seeded champion is in play. 

#8 Buffalo Vice (3-6) vs #9 Topper’s All Stars & Todd (1-8)

 

PF: Vice 32.29 (4th) - TAST 17.67 (9th)

PA: Vice 37.86 (9th) - TAST 35.67 (8th)

TSL Rank: Vice 35th, TAST 48th

Last 3: Vice 1-3, TAST 0-3

Past Games: 21-0 Vice (Forfeit)

Line: Vice (-3) 

 

For an 8-9 “play-in” game, this one actually has a lot of unknowns and intrigue. Buffalo Vice’s Defense isn’t very good, but it SHOULD be okay against TAST’s last place offense. But wait, part of that is because of the QB subs, and not because Topper is back throwing (unless Dubey shows up? QB Controversy!) where he put up 20 points in a loss to Wanderers. Okay, it was only 20 points, but it was the Wanderers in his first game back. Vice isn’t going to give him those types of problems. Vice can score, they always have been able to do that, but if the Aaron/Drew combo plays well, they may be able to hold them. It feels like one team is trending up and the other is trending down. If TAST gets a spy on All-World TSL female Caitlyn Mason, look out Vice. TOPPERS ALL STARS & TODD BY 3

#1 Wanderers (8-1) vs #9 Topper’s All Stars & Todd (1-8)

 

PF: Wanderers 37.50 (1st) - TAST 17.67 (9th)

PA: Wanderers 30.00 (6th) - TAST 35.67 (8th)

TSL Rank: Wanderers 6th, TAST 48th

Last 3: Wanderers 3-0, TAST 0-3

Past Games: 35-20 Wanderers

Line: Wanderers (-12) 

 

The feel good story of TAST looking good more than likely comes to an end here as they get to take on a fresh Wanderers team that didn’t have to play a game already. Not to mention they have the best offense in the division, and despite TAST’s issues on the offensive side of the ball all season, the defense has been mostly them. Wanderers recently won against TAST as well, so the results are fresher than say, a Week 1 win. It’ll be fun, and it’ll be close. WANDERERS BY 2

#2 Mix’n It Up (7-2) vs #7 Passing While Intoxicated (3-6)

 

PF: Mix 28.38 (6th) - PWI 22.67 (8th)

PA: Mix 24.38 (1st) - PWI 30.00 (6th)

TSL Rank: Mix 9th, PWI 32nd

Last 3: Mix 2-2, PWI 1-3
Past Games: 23-6 Mix

Line: Mix’n It Up (-10)

 

Mix’n It Up has the best defense in the division, and it’s a good thing because the offense is leaving something to be desired this season. I don’t think it’s because of Damien regressing at QB or anything like that, I just think that they’ve had some bad luck on offense this year. A smart team full of TSL legends with a bunch of experience tends to do well regardless, especially in the playoffs. And that doesn’t bode well for PWI in their first D3 playoff experience. PWI hasn’t been a “not great underdog” in the playoffs in a long time. And the last time they were? They pulled off some pretty big upsets. We’ve seen teams that have had success struggle mentally when the competition gets harder, but PWI is a team that’s been together long enough that they know how good they can be when they keep their composure. I just think this is a bad matchup for them overall. MIX’N IT UP BY 14

#3 Jabronies (6-3) vs #6 Bullet Club (5-4)

 

PF: Jabronies 27.88 (7th) - BC 28.63 (5th)

PA: Jabronies 24.88 (2nd) - BC 27.25 (3rd)

TSL Rank: Jabronies 10th, BC 23rd

Last 3: Jabronies 3-1, BC 2-0
Past Games: 25-6 Bullet Club

Line: EVEN

 

The Jabronies are an interesting 3rd seed because their offense can’t exactly be classified as “good” when it’s 7th in the division. They’ve scored over 30 points three times - against Vice, against TAST, and then the 42-41 win over Practice Squad. Now they get to go up against Bullet Club, a team that has the 3rd best defense in the division. And since Week 1 where BC got blown out twice (once against the Wanderers, sure, but the other against Vice, yikes), they’re 4-2 (5-2 with the Straw Hats forfeit), the two losses were one score losses against LGR and Mix. They’re averaging only 19.5 points allowed during that span as well. As long as their offense can convert enough times, I think they’re playing better overall. BULLET CLUB BY 4

#4 Practice Squad (6-3) vs #5 Let’s Get Reccked (6-3)

 

PF: PS 36.13 (2nd) - LGR 34.25 (3rd)

PA: PS 28.38 (5th) - LGR 27.63 (4th)

TSL Rank: PS 11th - LGR 13th

Last 3: PS 1-2, LGR 4-0

Past Games: 39-34 Practice Squad

Line: EVEN

 

I want you, dear reader, to know that this game is going to be the best one of the day. It features two teams ranked in the TSL Top 13. Both teams have good offenses and good defenses. They’re very evenly matched, as shown by the quite close 5 point game they played this season. Both teams have usual playoff stories. “Playoff B” has been a real thing for quite some time now, and Practice Squad as a whole ramps their game up in the playoffs. LGR consistently has one of the most talented TSL rosters (relative to division) and they consistently fail to live up to their hype in the playoffs. At the end of the day, (to quote league icon B’s brother) these narratives have to go the other way, right? At the risk of screwing over everyone in D3 because I make B go the next level of super saiyan by saying this, I think both narratives change here. Playoff B loses a bit of his aura, and LGR actually plays to their potential. LET’S GET RECCKED BY 2

D4

 

The Contenders

 

Cunning Stunts (2-1)

 

The “Maybe We Pull This Off” Lesser Contenders

 

Big Daddy Jason & the ILFers (4-1)

GirthQuakes (5-1)

The Herd (7-1)

 

The Pretenders

 

Vaspian (11-1)

Creekers (12-1)

Select (15-1)

Cobblestone (25-1)

 

The Story: The Cunning Stunts ran roughshod over the division, destroying everyone in their path, averaging over 50 points a game, and they looked damn good in doing so. The only issue, of course, is that they’ve done this before, multiple times, and have proceeded to blow it big time when it mattered most. Maybe this team is different? ILF has cruised along as the de facto #2 in this division, as they finally got a QB that matters in Buddy Lee, and it’s paid dividends. However, recent losses to the GirthQuakes and The Herd have pulled them back down to the pack a bit. Speaking of the GQs, they shook off the rust of starting 0-4 (okay, they were 1-4 but got a forfeit win) and turned that into 4 straight dominating victories, and that last loss? A 3 point loss to the Stunts. Hmm. The Herd was another benefactor to getting themselves a new QB. Mark Dalfonso came into the fold and has given this team life. Unfortunately he can’t fix their defense as much as they need. Vaspian showed signs of life throughout the season, and other than the game against the Stunts, and last week’s “I’m pretty sure the team wasn’t there” destruction against GQ, the other losses are one score games. Creekers have been a bit of a disappointment this season, and I don’t think 3-6 was what they expected either. They had some QB and roster issues along the way, but they still had a nice win against The Herd to end the season. Select opened up with two one point wins, and a 5 point loss to the ILFers, and looked to be the party crashers for the top teams. And then they proceeded to lose out for the rest of the season, save for a forfeit win. Cobblestone has been playing a player down for half the season it feels like, but they still go out and compete. They’re a good team when they have enough players, and when you have Darryl Carr QB Superstar throwing, no game is unwinnable. But it’s been a rough season for them this time around. 

#1 Cunning Stunts (9-0) vs #8 Cobblestone (2-7)

 

PF: CS 51.00 (1st) - Cobblestone 19.29 (8th)

PA: CS 30.00 (3rd) - Cobblestone 38.86 (7th)

TSL Rank: CS 1st, Cobblestone 47th

Last 3: CS 3-0, Cobblestone 1-2

Past Games: 54-28 Stunts

Line: Cunning Stunts (-20)

Despite Cobblestone having a clear advantage at the QB position in this one, it’s not going to matter. The Stunts have been so good all year, and they easily dispatched of Cobblestone earlier in the year. The roster is chock full of the best female players in the TSL, and Cobblestone just doesn’t have the horses to run with them this time around. CUNNING STUNTS BY 14

#2 Big Daddy Jason & the ILFers (6-3) vs #7 Select (3-6)

 

PF: ILF 39.56 (2nd) - Select 26.57 (5th)

PA: ILF 28.49 (2nd) - Select 39.43 (8th)

TSL Rank: ILF 12th, Select 33rd

Last 3: ILF 2-2, Select 0-3

Past Games: 44-39 ILF

Line: Big Daddy Jason & the ILFers (-16) 

 

Despite the fact that these two played a 5 point game earlier in the season, and that ILF hasn’t looked THAT good recently, they still have the 2nd best offense AND defense in the division, and both units are light years ahead of Select’s right now. I don’t know if Select was having an issue with people showing up during the losing streak, but at this point one has to think that they’re just not on par with their opponent. BIG DADDY JASON & THE ILFERS BY 10

#3 The Herd (5-4) vs #6 Creekers (3-6)

 

PF: Herd 37.00 (3rd) - Creekers 22.00 (7th)

PA: Herd 38.22 (6th) - Creekers 36.48 (5th)

TSL Rank: Herd 18th, Creekers 31st

Last 3: Herd 1-2, Creekers 2-2

Past Games: 39-38 Creekers

Line: The Herd (-8)

 

Regardless of the fact that the Creekers just pulled off the one point victory last weekend, The Herd finds themselves favored by 8 points anyway. It appears that last week is being considered an anomaly right now, but anyone that’s watched the Creekers over the last few seasons know that THAT is the team that has been winning games (a lot of them in fact) for a while now. If that Creekers offense shows up a second week in a row, and I think it will, they’ll take advantage of a not too great defense. Creekers experience pays off here. CREEKERS BY 3

#4 GirthQuakes (5-4) vs #5 Vaspian (3-6)

 

PF: GQ 36.63 (4th) - Vaspian 25.50 (6th)

PA: GQ 24.00 (1st) - Vaspian 31.88 (4th)

TSL Rank: GQ 21st, Vaspian 30th

Last 3: GQ 4-0, Vaspian 1-3

Past Games: 56-6 GQ

Line: GirthQuakes (-8)

Vaspian started out the season looking very good (as some new players to the roster will do for a team, especially impact ones), but faded a little down the stretch run. Meanwhile, the GirthQuakes figured everything out in a big, big way, becoming one of the TSL’s hottest teams out there. GIRTHQUAKES BY 13

D5

 

The Contenders

 

Come From Behind (3-1)

Power Puff Girls (3-1)

The Kind Of Contenders

 

Two Tuddies (6-1)

Stir The Sauce (7-1)

 

The They’re Not As Good As They Have Been But Could Turn It On Contenders

 

Not So Sticky (10-1)

GUCCI (15-1)

 

The Pretenders

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing (17-1)

Pit Harade (30-1)

The Story: Come From Behind and The Power Puff Girls are wildly out-scoring everyone in the division for the most part. The main difference between the two is that the CFB defense has been absolutely LIGHTS OUT this year as well. The Two Tuddies started the season off pretty well and established themselves as contenders, but a QB injury kind of derailed the season (and didn’t Mike Wolcott get hurt playing for Reset Warriors last season and derailed that season too? Noticing a theme here.) However, their excellent defense has kept them afloat. Stir The Sauce ended the season with a thud, losing games to CFB and PPG in consecutive weeks, which knocked them down a peg from “championship contender’. The talent is there though, and they’ve shown they can surprise come playoff time before. Not So Sticky and GUCCI are similar in that they’re both not having the best of seasons (for them) and with D5 getting stronger overall, other teams really took advantage of that instead of how NSS or GUCCI used to sneak out some wins maybe they shouldn’t have. Not this time around. They’re still dangerous though, that’s for sure. Spinelli’s has a fantastic offense, as predicted. They’re the only “non Power 2” team to average over 30 points a game, but their division worst defense has done them in time and time again. Pit Harade battled through multiple QBs, multiple sub requests, and multiple “off” games that their first season in D5 is mostly one to forget. 

#1 Power Puff Girls (7-2) vs #8 Spinelli’s Plumbing (2-7)

 

PF: PPG 37.78 (1st) - SP 30.11 (3rd)

PA: PPG 26.22 (4th) - SP 35.33 (8th)

TSL Rank: PPG 7th, SP 45th

Last 3: PPG 3-0, SP 1-3

Past Games: 50-38 PPG, 27-25 PPG

Line: Power Puff Girls (-8)

 

A heck of a matchup in round one considering these two teams’ slightly fiery history this season. Spinelli’s lost both games against PPG, but only losing by 2 the second time around should give them some encouragement, even as an 8 seed. The PPG’s are very good, for sure, but they’re not “Stunts-level” dominant, yet. Spinelli’s has the ability to hang with girls in a shootout, but QB Nick Hawes is going to have to be perfect for an upset to happen. The PPGs make you make mistakes. It’ll be a fun one, but POWER PUFF GIRLS BY 8

#2 Come From Behind (7-2) vs #7 Pit Harade (2-7)

 

PF: CFB 37.00 (2nd) - PH 17.00 (8th)

PA: CFB 19.67 (1st) - PH 32.33 (7th)

TSL Rank: CFB 8th, PH 41st

Last 3: CFB 3-0, PH 1-3

Past Games: 34-16 CFB

Line: Come From Behind (-16)

Everyone has heard of CFB’s amazing, timeless QB in Paul Lovullo, who has been fighting retirement rumors for 3 decades, and still has one of the strongest arms in the league. But what they’re forgetting about is how good the defense has been this season. They’re averaging less than 20 points a game, which is impressive. Everything seems to be clicking for CFB this season, and despite some years where that wasn’t enough going into the playoffs, this time it feels like it is. Pit Harade has been rough at times this season, including the loss to CFB. The turnover in the roster each week hasn’t led to anything cohesive on either side of the ball. There is talent on the roster for sure, they just need to put it together. COME FROM BEHIND BY 17

#3 Two Tuddies (6-3) vs #6 GUCCI (3-6)

 

PF: TT 24.78 (5th) - GUCCI 24.33 (6th)

PA: TT 23.67 (2nd) - GUCCI 31.67 (6th)

TSL Rank: TT 14th, GUCCI 38th

Last 3: TT 2-2, GUCCI 1-3

Past Games: 29-16 TT

Line: Two Tuddies (-8)

 

The Tud Buds are back near the top of the standings after a pretty good regular season that saw them dominate at times. Merging with Reset Warriors has proven to be a great move, despite the QB injury. The Tuddies’ defense is very good, and it will keep them in games for sure, regardless of the QB. Having their starter will make all the difference, of course. GUCCI found themselves in a weird position as the 6 seed after a season of tough losses on the field. Bad luck and injuries played a role in this scenario, and I’m unsure if GUCCI is getting healthy for the playoffs or not. If they do, GUCCI is going to give the Tuddies a run for their money. But for now, I think the luck is on the Tuddies’ side. TWO TUDDIES BY 10

#4 Stir The Sauce (5-4) vs #5 Not So Sticky (4-5)

 

PF: STS 29.00 (4th) - NSS 22.11 (7th)

PA: STS 25.11 (3rd) - NSS 28.11 (5th)

TSL Rank: STS 22nd, NSS 28th

Last 3: STS 3-2, NSS 1-2

Past Games: 21-16 STS

Line: Stir The Sauce (-6)

 

Despite the slow end to the season, STS has been a pretty good team. They’ve won big and they’ve won close games. If things start clicking for them again like it did at the end of the last season, they’ll be A-OK. They get a team in Not So Sticky that is usually better than their numbers suggest. We’ve seen it before where NSS has a rough go on offense during the season and then before you know it, POOF, they put up 40 points. I don’t think they’ll get to 40, but I do think they’ll surprise STS a bit. Besides, D5 can’t be chalk, right? NOT SO STICKY BY 3

D6

 

The Contenders

 

Blitzkrieg (2-1)

Sausage McMuffins (5-2)

 

The Just On The Outside Of Being Contenders

 

Day By Day (6-1)

Sticky Laces (8-1)

 

The Pretenders

 

Purple Nurples (12-1)

Balls Deep (12-1)

TMA (20-1)

Dogg Pound (25-1)

The Story: D6 is a battle between Blitzkrieg and Sausage McMuffins, who both have been excellent, and both should be D5 bound next season, regardless of what happens here. They’re head and shoulders above the rest of the division. As for everyone else, Day By Day has had a tough second half of the season, and it seems like something changed along the way. They did beat Blitzkrieg though, so you can’t sleep on them if you’re one of the Big 2. Sticky Laces has figured out a lot of things this season, and while I’m not going out of my way to predict an upset, it’s still great seeing a new team grow in the league. Purple Nurples are the Jekyll and Hyde once again. You never know which of them you’re going to get. Sometimes they score a crap ton of points, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they play good defense, sometimes they don’t. They’re consistently hard to tell what the hell they’re going to be. Balls Deep shows flashes of promise, but things have gone poorly for the most part for them. TMA has struggled through a season of not really ever having their QB, and the difference between the two versions of the team is crazy. Finally, the Dogg Pound are close, VERY close to breaking through and being a pretty good team. But, just not quite yet. 

#1 Blitzkrieg (8-1) vs #8 Dogg Pound

 

PF: BK 39.33 (1st) - DP 16.22 (8th)

PA: BK 18.44 (2nd) - DP 25.11 (3rd)

TSL Rank: BK 3rd, DP 43rd

Last 3: BK 3-0, DP 1-2

Past Games: 42-6 BK

Line: Blitzkrieg (-17)

Is this the year for Blitzkrieg? Literally everything that can be going right for them has been. They’re beating the crap out of teams, playing tremendous on both sides of the ball, and they have some of the most talented males AND females in the division. It’s a different Blitzkrieg, you can just FEEL it. Dogg Pound? You’re coming along. You’re learning. You’re doing well, and you’re going to be a force in the TSL. Just not this year. BLITZKRIEG BY 20

#2 Sausage McMuffins (8-1) vs #7 TMA (2-7)

 

PF: SMM 35.67 (2nd) - TMA 18.00 (7th)

PA: SMM 16.89 (1st) - TMA 31.56 (7th)

TSL Rank: SMM 4th, TMA 42nd

Last 3: SMM 4-0, TMA 1-3

Past Games: 45-29 SMM, 36-0 SMM

Line: Sausage McMuffins (-16)

Lost in the Blitzkrieg fanfare is that the Sausage McMuffins are just as good. They boast the best defense in the division and the 2nd best defense too. Alex has his team simply cruising, and they’re under the radar somehow? Every player on SMM can beat you if you’re not paying attention. TMA, well, things are better than they were. They have fresh blood coming in, and while most of the struggle has been on the lack of QB Ryan being there, it’s been getting the new people to figure out just how football works that’s been part of the challenge. Hopefully they have the entire team there and make it a game. They DID upset GUCCI as an 8 seed not too long ago. But SMM is just too good. SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS BY 13

#3 Sticky Laces (6-3) vs #6 Balls Deep (2-7)

 

PF: SL 23.11 (6th) - BD 24.11 (5th)

PA: SL 28.33 (5th) - BD 31.44 (6th)

TSL Rank: SL 15th, BD 40th

Last 3: SL 3-1, BD 0-4

Past Games: 28-18 SL, 40-23 SL

Line: Sticky Laces (-2)

Sticky Laces is 6-3 is one of more shocking things I’ve had to say this season. They earned it, for sure, but the fact that they still have a negative point differential is crazy to me. They’ve been improving every week, and QB Kyle is coming along as a leader as well. Balls Deep did NOT have the season they were expecting after playing very well a season ago. They’ve hung in there in most of their games, but couldn’t find that extra gear to get a win here or there. They’re better than 2-7 for sure, and they boast a slightly better offense than the Laces too. They’re still the team that was pretty good last season, and I think they’re going to come out and play. BALLS DEEP BY 2

#4 Day By Day (5-4) vs #5 Purple Nurples (4-5)

 

PF: DBD 28.00 (3rd) - PN 27.56 (4th)

PA: DBD 25.67 (4th) - PN 34.56 (8th)

TSL Rank: DBD 24th, PN 37th

Last 3: DBD 1-2, PN 1-2

Past Games: 51-32 PN

Line: Day By Day (-3)

Day By Day established themselves as the best non-top two team in the division and then just seemingly coasted through the rest of the season? Either way, they’ve been a revelation, and when they’re on, look out. The Nurples are, as I’ve said, all over the place. Despite putting up 51 against DBD last time they played, you can’t count on them to do it again. DAY BY DAY BY 10

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

 

• Which #1 seed is most at risk to lose this week? A classic question. Since two of them don’t play, the answer becomes a bit easier to get to with less options. The Stunts and Blitzkrieg feel VERY safe, and the Wanderers get the advantage of playing a team that just played a play in game. That leaves the Power Puff Girls, who get a Spinelli’s team that just barely lost to them a couple of weeks ago. They’re the most likely to lose #1 seed. 

 

 

 

• Did the D1/D2 Crossover Series work? I’ve said this before, but yes. Despite D1 winning the series with an 18-5-2 record, The Mavericks, Can’t Touch This, and The Malones all would’ve finished higher than D1 teams had we just combined the standings. I think it was great for the league. 

 

 

 

• The seeds are set, who’s winning the titles? At first glance? Wet Bandits, Can’t Touch This, Practice Squad, Cunning Stunts, Come From Behind, and Blitzkrieg. 

 

 

 

• Who are your best “long shots” in each division? Sticky Bandits (I’m pretending they count), The Untouchaballs (Jeremy Burr baby), Jabronies (Joe Miano is still underrated after a decade), Vaspian (They have the talent on the roster), GUCCI (Maybe they’ll find their form), and Purple Nurples (if they’re ‘on’ for two weeks, they could put up 150+ points in 3 games and win)

 

 

 

• What’s the best story line going into the playoffs? Joey Batts trying to go undefeated in two divisions is a big one. Blitzkrieg going HARD for their first ever title that’s eluded them is another. Those are easily my top 2. 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

 

 

• “Now stop. Take a breath. Again, realize this is ALL FOR FUN. Some of you just read this and are gnashing your teeth I didn't give you enough "props" in this piece. A handful of you "get" it and will joke with me about this when you see me Saturday. Others of you will play it off, but keep it in the back of your mind all season and throw any win by your team and a loss by another in my face as though I care about anything other than having fun.” – Rameer AKA “THE BUILD”

 

 

Just giving you some words of wisdom from an old friend as you head into battle this weekend. 

 

• I don’t care if it’s the playoffs, treat the refs with RESPECT and don’t yell and scream at them. They’re being told to kick out anyone who’s being a jerk. Don’t screw up your team’s season by being that person. 

 

 

 

• Breakfast Club Predictions: 

• Steph Infection 45, Carlyac Arrest 31

• Dri Girls One Cup 36, D’s Nutz 35

 

 

 

• Games of the Day: 

• 10:00 - Stir The Sauce vs Not So Sticky 

• 11:00 - Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Scared Hitless

• 12;00 - Practice Squad vs Let’s Get Reccked

• 1:00 - Two Tuddies vs GUCCI

• 2:00 - The Herd vs Creekers

 

 

 

• THE TSL BANQUET IS OFFICIALLY OFFICIAL. IT WILL BE FRIDAY, DECEMBER 13TH 2024 AT THE MARRIOTT BUFFALO NIAGARA HOTEL, 1340 MILLERSPORT HWY, BUFFALO NY, 14221. HERE’S THE LINK: 

 

 

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1MvDCK_qsTQdRv1rx6lU9IVVLAdldLsGwlZDZZMSdTBY/edit

 

REGISTER NOW!!!!

 

 

• The Awards Nominations Sheet is ACTIVE. Click the link below so that you can nominate your favorite TSLers who are deserving of the awards this season. The awards will be handed out at the banquet! Here’s the link for that: 

 

 

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1EvE2dgxslCyzp413m3FTk1gNF_3GJT3SUCyA_Or_hWg/edit

 

Nominate your heart out! 

 

• And while it isn’t quite time yet, Jeff has told me that there WILL be a link to register for our winter session very, very soon, so look for that email from him in the coming days? Weeks? I don’t know that answer. 

 

 

 

• PLEASE BE EARLY TO YOUR GAMES. There’s always a chance other games go to overtime, etc, and that will put that field behind schedule (or put your game on Field 5, which we’ve avoided for this round of games!) so if fields are already behind and then an OT game happens? It’s going to be a wait we’d all like to avoid. 

 

 

 

• Three more upsets to look for: Select, The Untouchaballs, and Topper’s All-Stars & Todd. That’s right, two bottom seeds with the upsets! LET’S GO! 

 

 

 

• That’s all. The Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality is finally here! This is everything you’ve worked for. Go out and have fun, like Rameer said, but make sure you give it your all. And pay attention to who you’re playing, in case you wear the same color. A good rule of thumb is to let the higher seeded team keep the color. Unless they have cool, matching jerseys, then you can just wear a different shirt. It’s not that serious. Good luck to all of you! 

 

-GF OUT. 

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