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- Written by Patrick McGovern
- Category: The Godfather's Picks
- Published: 11 October 2019
- Created: 11 October 2019
- Hits: 4790
Well, we’re here.
A long, sometimes grueling, season has reached its final week. It’s always bittersweet when the TSL gets to this point. While the excitement of the playoffs and discovering just who will reach Social Co-Ed Football Immortality is ramping up, it also means we’re ever so close to the end of our season, which means we won’t gather again as a whole for a few months.
From my view in Des Moines, it seems like everything has been good. There’s been some great football out there, complete with its share of surprises, upsets, and a dash of drama. Just like everyone else, I’m REALLY ready for the playoffs. Week 8 will be a great time at the Rose Garden, as any TSL week usually is, but right now it just feels like the league is mostly on autopilot as teams are gearing up for the real battles next week. This week does have its share of story lines throughout each division, so let’s take a look and dive into the fun stuff:
D1:
Last Week’s Games:
Tight Ends In Motion 42, A&A 17 (Crossover Game)
Public Enemy 45, HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO 22 (Crossover Game)
What’s at stake: Can Gryffindor get that victory?
That’s all we had last week. Two crossover games where the D1 teams smacked the snot out of the D2 teams. Now, it’s my understanding that A&A was missing like, everyone. But none of that really matters. The QB Power Rankings article beat me to it, but D1 went 5-0 in the crossover games this season, with a combined score of 212-92. It’s more than safe to say that this experiment went better last season. So where does that leave you, D1? I know how you’re feeling. You’ve been in this state of (and here’s that word again) autopilot for a few weeks now. You can only play the same 4 teams so many times. But the biggest story line for this division is at 10:00 as Joey Batts takes the field with Gryffindor one last time this season to get that elusive first victory against Tight Ends in Motion. What else is there to say? Bobby owns the rest of you this season. It’s Eyes Downtown’s title for the taking, and the rest of you aren’t inspiring hope that you can take him down. The defending champion Marketing Mayors haven’t looked as much for a good chunk of the season, but man they still look better than whatever Public Enemy has become. For PE, they’ve lost a few more games this season than they have in the last few seasons combined. But the real game it seems that they’re losing is the battle with Father Time. I don’t have bad things to say about Tight Ends. They’re on their 17th QB in 3 seasons, but it seems that maybe, just mayyyybe they’ve found one for good. Either way, it still seems like the games this week don’t really matter that much. It feels like they haven’t in a few weeks. It’ll be next week when we see who is who, and (hopefully) some teams remind us just who they are. For now though, I’ll just congratulate Bobby, Beth, Jeff, Joey, and the rest of the ED crew on their championship.
This Week’s Games:
Eyes Downtown vs Public Enemy (+7) – There’s not much to say about this rivalry game that hasn’t been said a few times this season. ED is rolling, but if anything is going to get PE going hard it’s going to be this game. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 4
Marketing Mayors vs Tight Ends In Motion (+8) – The Mayors need a nice outing before the playoffs start next week as well, and if they’re sleeping on TEIM, they could blow this game. TEIM is the hungriest team in D1, and they want to win and prove they belong. They know they do, but its time to show the rest of the TSL they do too. They’re close to “popping”. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 1
D2:
Last Week’s Games:
Peachy Platoon 39, Schilling ‘Em Softly 22
HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO 64, A&A 34
What’s at Stake: The First Round bye, and potential tie breaker chaos.
A quiet week in D2 came through, and while it should’ve given us this amazing battle for first place, it didn’t even provide that as Team Topper rolled A&A like they were We Back. Peachy Platoon rolled through their game as well. This week, however, brings us a bit of fun. There’s currently a 3 way dance of doom atop the standings in D2 as Team Topper, A&A, and Peachy all have 18 points, and double the wins of anyone else in the division. The 4-7 seeds have zero chance of catching them, so those will be your top seeds for the playoffs. But who gets the bye? Well, luckily, we get HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO vs A&A part two this week, and the winner will stake their claim to getting the first round free pass, thanks to We Back never being back at all. However, Peachy Platoon has a doubleheader against SITE this time around, and due to a schedule quirk that was made long ago, they will, indeed, play more games than A&A and Team Topper. Of course at the time, there wasn’t a bye week to be won, so it shouldn’t have mattered as much as it looks like its going to. There’s an outside chance that Dilfs, SITE, Bullet Club, and Energy Buff all end up with a 3-6 record, and it’ll be a lot of tiebreaking fun to figure that mess out. How that happens: SITE loses twice to Peachy Platoon (plausible), Dilfs lose to Team Topper (Probable), Dilfs lose to Bullet Club (They won on the last play of the game a few weeks ago), and Energy Buff beats the We Back replacement squad (potentially!). That’d be a fun mess.
This Week’s Games:
HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO VS Dilfs (+10) – The Dilf’s will give Team Topper a run for their money for a little bit, and could catch them looking ahead to the more important game with A&A. But in the end, Topper pulls it out, because they realize that this win is huge if they end up losing to A&A later on. HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO BY 13
HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO VS A&A (+3) – I’ll start by saying that I personally think Team Topper is the best team in D2 overall. But A&A has Matty, and like him or not, he wins big football games. As fun as it would be to dream there, the HB Defense is just lights out, and they’re going to prove it this week. HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO BY 10
Peachy Platoon vs Slytherin That End Zone (+9) - *DOUBLEHEADER* - The Platoon can just win two games against their heated rivals (Remember these two killed each other in D3 last session) and walk away with a bye week, which is highly needed since Dean has his thumb injury now. (WAY TO GO NIXON) I doubt he heals even with the extra time, but he’s a gamer and may just try to play in the playoffs anyway. There’s NOTHING SITE would love more than playing spoiler against Peachy this week. Barring any more injuries or missing persons, I don’t think it happens. PEACHY BY 10, PEACHY BY 3
Dilfs vs Bullet Club (+7) – These two teams are close in record, and as mentioned a BC win would give them identical 3-6 records. But, it doesn’t FEEL like they’re that close. Dilfs have felt all season like they should have a better W/L but based on some inconsistencies, they just do not. This game was a classic last time they met, but that was Chris Nelson’s only BC appearance as well. Look for the Dilfs to smack Bullet Club this time around. DILFS BY 13
Energy Buff vs Schilling ‘Em Softly (EVEN) – There’s so much I don’t know about this game. Who’s playing for SES? Who’s actually showing up for EB? If both teams trotted out their full rosters, I’d actually take SES here, but with so much uncertainty, I’ll go with ENERGY BUFF BY 1.
D3:
Last Week’s Games:
Vaspian 28, Ultimate Warriors 22
Jabronies 34, Vaspian 18
End Game 25, Jabronies 7
Frodo Swaggins 38, All We Do Is Losee 36
No Punt Intended 42, Ultimate Warriors 35
What’s at Stake: Not 1st place, since NPI wrapped that up. Playoff spots are definitely on the line though.
What a fun week in the TSL’s best division! There really isn’t that much decided as we enter our final week. No Punt Intended (thanks in part to the fall of AWDIQ, who were undefeated until Kasey became enamored with Scotty Dro) walks home with #1 overall seed in the playoffs. The Ultimate Warriors finished 1-7-1 and are eliminated from postseason competition. After that? Anything can happen. Frodo Swaggins could beat Sticky this week and knock Quinn down another peg. A Frodo loss bumps Jabronies up to 3rd and they don’t even have a game. While End Game and Sticky are in the playoffs, there’s no guarantee for Vaspian (3-5), 3rd and Schlong (3-4), and Puckett All-Stars (2-5). Two of these teams will make the playoffs, and the other will not. The best part? THEY ALL PLAY EACH OTHER. Vaspian will play Puckett All-Stars at 11:00, and 3AS will take on Puckett at 2:00. 3AS also gets to play End Game, for what it’s worth. Puckett could beat Vaspian and they’d most likely be in the playoffs (Don’t quote me on that, Topper’s super secret tiebreaking computer formula could break some hearts here). Vaspian has the tiebreaker (right now) with 3AS, so it seems that Vaspian could lose to Puckett but still get in as the 8th seed if 3AS loses both of their games. Vaspian could beat Puckett, but then Puckett could beat 3AS after 3AS loses to EG and CHAOS WILL REIGN SUPREME. The point is, all of these games REALLY matter, and there’s no better way to end the season in this division.
This Week’s Games:
Puckett All-Stars vs Vaspian (EVEN) – These two teams are as even as you can possibly get. They have similar records (3-5 and 2-5), they both allow 32 points per game. The only difference is that Puckett scores more points per game slightly at 25 to Vaspian’s 24. Vaspian may be becoming one of the better up and coming teams in the TSL, but Puckett is staying the secret nobody talks about. Mostly because they keep having awful seasons and then ramp it up in the last few weeks and the playoffs. This game should mean the world to both teams, but when its all said and done: PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 2
End Game vs 3rd and Schlong (EVEN) – Two of the TSL’s hottest teams square off in what would be a fantastic playoff game, much less a regular season affair. This game could clinch a playoff spot for 3AS who’ve really found their groove after that sad start. End Game just keeps chugging along and getting better every single week. A win against Frodo and then the Jabronies have got this train running hot. This game will be good, but 3AS needs it more. 3RD AND SCHLONG BY 1
3rd And Schlong vs Puckett All-Stars (+7) – This game could literally be a playoff game a week early! Of course, if 3AS beats End Game, and PAS beats Vaspian, this game could also mean nothing whatsoever. I, of course, would LOVE the play-in game to be a reality here. And if it is? 3RD AND SCHLONG BY 7
Frodo Swaggins vs Sticky Bandits (+7) – This is a very good matchup, but I have no idea who’s throwing for Sticky anymore. I don’t think they do either at this point. Just put in Mike Thomas for good, damnit. Frodo is cruising though, and they need this win to finish 2nd overall. You just KNOW they’d want to jump Qwinn after last week. The Bandits are looking to finish above .500. The problem is that Frodo scores a little more and allows a little less. They’re very evenly matched, except where it matters most: Quarterback. Give me Scotty. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 7
D4:
Last Week’s Games:
Cunning Stunts 43, Buffalo Solar Solutions 42
Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 49, Full Throttle 32
Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 62, Cunning Stunts 44
Matty’s Angels 54, Buffalo Solar Solutions 12
Matty’s Angels 53, Mountain Dew Me 12
What’s At Stake: Second place and a bye!
Well, this got interesting. It appears that the Cunning Stunts are only playing two games this week, not three. The reason that’s notable is because they’re going to not play their last game of the year. As a result, that leaves the potential for Buffalo Solar Solutions or newly founded offense of Uncle Rico’s (who just trashed the Stunts last week) to jump ahead of them in the standings and take the bye. This is far from what was expected just two weeks ago, and now D4 is a LOT more fun that it was before. URTT is getting hot at the right time, as they got their all around threat in Chris Nelson back from Bullet Club in what will be called a “Roster Snafu” for now. If Buffalo Solar beats URTT, they’ll pass the Stunts (assuming the Stunts lose twice) on points alone (5 wins to 4). Matty’s is Matty’s. They got Bobby McConnell to play for them because that’s really cool of them. Mountain Dew Me and Full Throttle are just counting down the minutes until they get placed in a more accurate division in the Spring.
This Week’s Games:
Matty’s Angels vs Cunning Stunts (+10) – Ho hum. Matty’s vs Stunts. Not much left to talk about here. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 10
Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (EVEN) – I have no idea what to make of both of these teams at this point. Both have been pretty good as of late, and BSS didn’t have their QB last week. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 2
Mountain Dew Me vs Full Throttle (+6) – These two have done their best to hold their own in this division, and while their defenses actually have performed better than BSS or URTT, its their offenses that need to catch up to everyone else. FULL THROTTLE BY 1
Cunning Stunts vs Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (EVEN) – This game has to be considered even after the thrashing Rico’s dropped on the Stunts just a week ago. The Stunts will be doing everything in their power to get a bit of revenge here. This game could 100% be for the second bye in the division, impossible to think about as recently as 2 weeks ago. CUNNING STUNTS BY 6
D5:
Last Week’s Games:
En Fuego 21, Cobblestone 0 (Two forfeits)
Hung Buffalo 54, Hope N Ruin 26
Come From Behind 52, Practice Squad 30
What’s At Stake: The only chance at a TSL team going undefeated.
Hung Buffalo smacked around Hope N Ruin, Come From Behind defeated a Practice Squad that wasn’t 100%, and En Fuego got two forfeit wins when all of Cobblestone ditched Darryl Carr QB Superstar and left him hanging. I don’t know if it was on purpose, or if someone just forgot to tell Darryl, but that’s crazy if it’s a purposeful ditching. It was a slow week for D5, to say the least.
This Week’s Games:
Over Compensators vs En Fuego (+7) - Not too long ago, the Over Compensators and En Fuego made a bet and talked a lot of smack. And then Blasé LaDuca went out and promptly played the worst game he may have ever played. Now? The OC is trying to be the only undefeated team in the TSL this session, and standing in the way is En Fuego, who knew they’d get another shot at the OC, they just didn’t know when. How sweet would it be if En Fuego could not only get revenge, but give The OC their first loss AND take first place for the season from them? You KNOW En Fuego is going to be ready for this one. EN FUEGO BY 1
Practice Squad vs Hung Buffalo (+6) – These two teams may be closer than I’ve let on in the past. While its certainly FELT like PS has been the better team, the truth is that only one game separates these two teams. On top of that, They score about the same, but HB actually allows less points. This game should be close the whole time. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 1
Hope N Ruin vs Come From Behind (+7) – Same record, same amount of points allowed, but HNR scores a bit more. There are rumors of a B return to throw for CFB again, and that should help on that end. This game doesn’t mean too much except for positioning, but its always good to go into the playoffs with a win. HOPE N RUIN BY 6
Cobblestone vs Pink Pteratacos (+3) - *DOUBLEHEADER* - Not entirely sure what to think of these teams. The Pteratacos have been better, but they still have a ways to go. I still think they have a FANTASTIC group of females, and its more the males/QB that are their problem. I don’t know what happened to Cobblestone this week, but they could pull themselves into a higher standings position with a couple of wins here. COBBLESTONE BY 3. BOTH TIMES.
D6:
Last Week’s Games:
Zack Attack 30, pAssless Chaps 0
TMA 50, The Bi-Polar Express 8
pAssless Chaps 24, Wild Oak Beard Co. 18
The Replacements 36, Wild Oak Beard Co. 33
Shattered Dreams 30, Blitzkrieg 12
pAssless Chaps 29, Tater Tots 12
Tater Tots 40, Shattered Dreams 20
What’s At Stake: A playoff spot, and a potential three way tie for first place.
The pAssless Chaps played the rare tripleheader this week, and it wasn’t the best results. Yes, they went 2-1, but WOBCO and the Tots are teams that they should’ve beaten by more. Losing to Zack Attack isn’t a bad thing, and with a TMA win and a Chaps win this week, they’ll all be 7-2 and fun formulas have to figure out who finishes where. Speaking of WOBCO, they went 0-2 but played two very tight games that could’ve gone either way. Honestly, they’re one of the better new teams in the TSL, and I’m really looking forward to how good they can become. Shattered Dreams got their first win to keep their playoff hopes alive, albeit barely, while simultaneously knocking Blitzkrieg out of them. SD would need wins against the former best friends in Graves Bros and The Replacements to have a shot, and they’d need the Tots to beat The Replacements as well. A tall order, ironically, with Gronk coming to town. TMA keeps chugging along, while the Bi-Polar Express lost their third in a row after starting out hot at 4-0-1.
This Week’s Games:
Graves Bros vs Shattered Dreams (+13) – While Shattered Dreams is fighting for their playoff lives, They have to take on a team that has just been superior on offense (30ppg – 18) and on defense as well (18 points allowed vs 36). This game is looking like a 33-18 win for Graves Bros, at minimum. GRAVES BROS BY 15
The Replacements vs Shattered Dreams (+10) – These two teams are a little more evenly matched than the first game, The Replacements may want to step on the gas against the team that would’ve just played the hour before this one to clinch their spot. THE REPLACEMENTS BY 7
pAssless Chaps vs The Bi-Polar Express (EVEN) – These two teams are very close, and based on the schedule it seems like BPX will have most of its roster, if not all of it, for this one. The Chaps are looking to finish in a tie for first overall, while BPX is literally looking to get the train back on the tracks. They’ve derailed in the second half of the season, and might be the coldest team in the division. PASSLESS CHAPS BY 6
The Replacements vs Tater Tots (EVEN) – This is about as even as it gets. Both teams are allowing 33 ppg. The Replacements are averaging one more point per game, 25-24. Both teams have been up and down. The Replacements will have already played a game this day, so look for the Tots to take this one. TATER TOTS BY 5
TMA vs Wild Oak Beard Co (+8) – TMA is rolling right now, and while WOBCO has been much improved over the course of the season, I just don’t think they’re ready to compete with the top teams in this division. TMA BY 10
Graves Bros vs Blitzkrieg (+20) – Blitzkrieg just can’t stop anyone, and they need a defensive guru to walk to Field 5 at 2:00 and give them tips. I don’t think they’ll be able to handle Graves Bros at all here, and hopefully BK will learn from this season and retool for the next year. GRAVES BROS BY 24
FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:
1. Will the fields hold up? They’re starting to get worse and worse (as they do in the fall), and with the current weather prediction of rain in the forecast, could they get destroyed a week before playoffs?
2. Who’s the best team in the league, relative to the division? Right now, I’d have to say it’s No Punt Intended. They’re firing on all cylinders right now, and they straight up stole first place in this division.
3. Who makes the playoffs in D3? With all of the teams playing each other for the final two playoffs spots, I have this sneaky feeling we’ll see 3rd and Schlong and Puckett All-Stars get in with Vaspian looking in from the outside.
4. Who wins the D2 bye? Honestly, it’s going to be Team Topper. I love the Topper vs Matty vs Peachy battle for it, but right now no team in the division is playing better than HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO. That defense is just legit.
5. Will “Fall Fest” in Ellicottville ruin the final week of football? Last week saw a good sized chunk of the TSL head to Nashville (and a few other places) and miss out on the fields last Saturday. Multiple reports came into me from trusted sources that the bar was pretty much empty by 4:30 and just not nearly as hoppin’ in general. Here’s hoping E-ville doesn’t ruin that.
TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY
1. Here’s your best games of the day to watch:
a. 9:00 – HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO vs Dilfs – Field 1
b. 10:00 - Over Compensators vs En Fuego – Field 4
c. 11:00 – Matty’s Angels vs Cunning Stunts – Field 3
d. 12:00 – Vaspian vs Puckett All-Stars – Field 2
e. 1:00 – End Game vs 3rd And Schlong – Field 2
f. 2:00 – Peachy Platoon vs Slytherin That End Zone – Field 1
g. 3:00 – Frodo Swaggins vs Sticky Bandits – Field 1
2. I, for one, think Joey Batts and Gryffindor will get that victory this week.
3. Seriously Qwinners, what is your deal lately? Are you really going to blow another championship? There’s a reason people email me to let me know that you’re nowhere near as good as Peachy Platoon and that I should stop comparing you. Maybe they’re right.
4. Hey Cobblestone, I know I can be rough on you sometimes, but for real, if you’re going to forfeit a doubleheader (or ANY game) don’t just not show up. It’s a real douche move to make the other team show up ready for a game that doesn’t happen. You’re better than that. Tell Topper next time.
5. You know how there’s been music most weeks of the season and people have been having a great time? That’s all thanks to DJ Jimmy, and if you’re having an event that needs a fantastic DJ, talk to him at Five Star Productions. They’re fantastic, and they’ve been running our Banquet for years now. Couldn’t recommend them enough. Let’s get some DJ Tommy at the fields soon!
6. Pro Tip: Our field is only 50 yards long, with 8-yard endzones. That means you only need 8-10 yards per play to get in scoring position. Stop worry about going deep all of the time. Be smarter.
7. I heard there was another Tito’s With Travis filmed, but I have yet to see it posted anywhere yet. Where is it?
8. Shout out to all of the referees this week. Rameer had said that the league was very short on referee bodies and A LOT of the TSL stepped up to help out. You guys are what makes this league so great. Thank you.
9. I’ve written this article for the better part of a decade now, and I still love doing it. This is my way of staying connected to the league I love so much. Thank you to those of you that email me updates and things to know to help me out as best as you can. It’s appreciated. Email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. if you have any information.
10. Finally, some sad news from the TSL Universe. Gunther, Topper’s long time pup, passed away this weekend. If you see Topper this weekend, give him a big hug and hold him closely.
RIP Gunther. You were an awesome dog.
-GF
