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So, let me get this straight.

 

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers have been BEGGING for more publicity. They wanted to know why Rameer wasn’t talking about them enough on the rant. Why wasn’t The Godfather giving them enough props? Why isn’t their QB in the Top 10 of the Rankings? They even went so far as to post on the Topper Sports Facebook page to ASK for more people to talk about them!

 

Ask, and you shall receive. But, be careful what you wish for.

 

Uncle Rico’s went out with the full intentions of proving themselves to be the run away contenders for D4(R2). They were sitting at 5-1, with a doubleheader last week against a completely lost Puckett All-Stars and a struggling No Punt Intended. They beat Puckett 39-20. They were up against No Punt Intended by a score, with the ball, with only 1:50 left on the clock. And then they got cocky. And they got what they deserved. Instead of casually running out the clock and winning the game, they tried to go for more points. Kyle Conniff picked off a pass on first down to give NPI the ball near the goal line. NPI ran down the clock, scored with no time left to win the game, and smacked Uncle Rico’s in the mouth. It was easily the most embarrassing loss a team has had in the TSL this season. I had my sources watch Uncle Rico’s so they could report back to me with who they had on their squad. I found out that they had Deak and Chris Nelson (a future star in this league that’s on every D1 team’s poach list, word is he’s already much better than his dad ever was) and that’s a big reason they’ve been so good. But now they’ve shown the entire division that perhaps they’ve been a bit overrated and that MAYBE there was a reason that they’re the only ones that really wanted to talk about their own team. Maybe.

 

I hope everyone had a fantastic Memorial Day weekend. While we were all busy remembering those who gave the Ultimate Sacrifice, I want everyone to remember that it was also the time for us to bury the “Uncle Rico’s is unbeatable so talk about us more” nonsense.

 

With that said, welcome back to another amazing week of our own little reality show we call the Spring 2019 season. Somehow, there’s only three weeks of regular season football to go before the playoffs, and the divisions are working themselves out to show us who has a realistic shot of achieving social co-ed football immortality, and those who need a few tweaks. So instead of just previewing games, lets take a look at who actually has a chance at their respective division titles and who, well, doesn’t.

 

D1/C1

 

THE FAVORITE

Public Enemy (6-0)

 

THE CONTENDERS

Eyes Downtown (3-1) , Marketing Mayors (3-2), Tight Ends In Motion (2-3)

 

THE PRETENDERS

#XTC@Angry Buffalo (1-5), 1 Todd Too Many (1-5)

 

Last Week’s Results:

Public Enemy 40, #XTC@AB 37

Eyes Downtown 56, 1 Todd Too Many 32

Public Enemy 29, Tight Ends In Motion 28

 

PE is on a 16 game winning streak, essentially becoming the TSL’s version of The Undertaker. Quite frankly, until they’re defeated, I’m not going to put them in a tier with anyone else. Of course, last week gave us some VERY close calls, as they only won by 3 points and 1 point respectively. And who comes to town this week? Eyes Downtown, who got their inspirational leader back. Bobby McConnell FINALLY graced the TSL with his aura this season, and it was poor Topper who had to be on the back end of a 56-32 loss. ED takes on PE in a rematch of “THE GAME” and while we all know that “ITS ON”, I don’t want to hype it up too much since last time I did that, things weren’t great. Tight Ends just missed out on breaking PE’s streak last week, but they still have to walk away happy knowing that they’ve been on the right track since Ricky Austin started throwing for them. The team just seems to have a bounce in their step around the fields now, and they’re finding their groove. Marketing Mayors didn’t play this week, but that doesn’t mean people should forget just how dangerous they really can be when all cylinders are firing. #XTC gets better each week as Nick Sooch gets more comfortable. I’m not ready to move them up in a ranking tier just yet, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t by season’s end. A 3 point loss to PE is something to be proud of. 1 Todd Too Many has had rough go of it since their opening season win. A couple of missed opportunities have caused them a few games, but some roster consistency would be a great first start towards figuring it all out. One thing’s for sure: They’re not going to give up, so don’t even THINK to consider them an “easy out”.

 

This Week’s Games:

Marketing Mayors vs Tight Ends In Motion (+7) – I think that the TEIM crew is really starting to click at the right time, and catching the Mayors after a week off might be perfect timing here. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 3

Public Enemy vs. Eyes Downtown (EVEN) – Public Enemy has really been squeaking by as of late, and they look complacent. Bobby wants nothing more to the Brock Lesnar to this streak. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 6

#XTC@Angry Buffalo vs 1 Todd Too Many – XTC is on the rise, and Team Topper is still trying to work out the kinks.  #XTC@ANGRY BUFFALO BY 4

 

D2/C2

 

THE CONTENDERS

Everyone.

 

Last Week’s Games:

Gryffindor 43, Bullet Club 36

Bullet Club 38, A&A 22

Energy Buff 34, Title Shot 31

 

Seriously, everyone is a contender here. Bullet Club currently leads the standings at 3-2. They had some awful halves last week, as they were behind Gryffindor 37-14 at halftime, and were behind A&A 22-0 at the half as well. They nearly came back against Gryffindor, and they shutout A&A 38-0 in the second half. And that’s just about the perfect way to explain their season so far. Title Shot is also 3-2, after a 3 point loss against Energy Buff. Dubey needs to show up more often (tell me if you’ve heard that before), and a very exciting rematch against BC is on the docket for this week. A&A? Also 3-2. Matty was struggling to get the girls to show up yet again this week, and that’s been too much of a consistent problem. Energy Buff checks in at 2-2, but they’re trending upwards as it seems that they’re starting to get it together. Maybe my early predictions that they’d win the division weren’t the worst ever. Gryffindor is 2-3, and I don’t even think they know what to expect from their team every week. Their game this week showed the good (a 37-14 first half) and the bad (a 22-6 second half). Perhaps they need to not get comfortable with a lead? Finally, Money Ball brings up the rear at 1-3, but they’re going to have a lot of games to play catch up in the next few weeks.

 

This Week’s Games:

Bullet Club vs Title Shot (+3) – Bullet Club won the first matchup, but will Dubey show up this week for Title Shot? Who will show up for Bullet Club? Expect another close game. BULLET CLUB BY 3, TITLE SHOT BY 3 IF DUBEY SHOWS UP.

 

Gryffindor vs Money Ball (+3) – Two teams that are fighting to stay out of the bottom of the standings. If Money Ball can keep it close in the first half, history suggests they can pull away in the second. MONEY BALL BY 7

 

A&A vs Energy Buff (EVEN, TWO GAMES) – This is an interesting scenario! These two teams play each other twice in a row at 1:00 and 2:00. That’s just how things worked out (the games this week were decided by ladder matches, so 3rd place plays 4th place). If there’s one thing that’s tough, its beating a team once. Doing it twice? I see a split happening. A&A BY 8 THEN ENERGY BUFF BY 1

 

Title Shot vs Money Ball (+7) – Money Ball will struggle to matchup with Title Shot’s girls. I’m not necessarily certain Title Shot needs Dubey for this one. TITLE SHOT BY 6

 

D3/R1

 

THE CONTENDERS

All We Do Is Quinn (5-0-1), Frodo Swaggins (3-2-1), 3rd and Schlong (3-2), Peachy Platoon (3-2)

 

THE ALMOST THERES

Slytherin That End Zone (3-2), Sticky Bandits (2-2)

 

THE PRETENDERS

Morning Wood (2-4), Ultimate Warriors (0-7)

 

Last Week’s Games:

Frodo Swaggins 31, Peachy Platoon 25

Frodo Swaggins 32, Ultimate Warriors 26

Peachy Platoon 30, Morning Wood 22

All We Do Is Quinn 28, Morning Wood 6

 

It’s becoming increasingly clear that Frodo Swaggins is officially a team to be reckoned with for D3/R1. Garrett Beesing and friends find themselves in second place in the division, thanks to an impressive win over Peachy Platoon. AWDIQ is still on top at 5-0-1, and they’re still the class of the division, but a looming matchup with Peachy awaits them this week. Peachy went 1-1 last week, keeping themselves in the thick of the race. 3rd and Schlong was off this past week, but they too have a big game against the Platoon this week. We’re really going to see who’s taking control of the division this week. SITE and Sticky find themselves just outside of contender status. Don’t get me wrong, both teams are good, but they’re missing that extra signature win to really give them a higher tier. Ironically, these two teams meet at 3:00, and both need the win. SITE gets a shot at Frodo Swaggins this week as well, and a victory there could be exactly what they’re going to need. Morning Wood isn’t a bad team, and they’re getting better each week. Heather and Jill show improvement every time they hit the field, which is a big plus for any team. But right now they feel more like a team still putting it together than one who can truly contend. The Ultimate Warriors might be the best 0-7 team in league history. They keep losing games by about one score, and honestly could be ripe for an upset of whoever they play in the playoffs. A couple of bounces go their way this season and they could be 3-4.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

All We Do Is Quinn vs Peachy Platoon (+6) – Quinn hasn’t lost yet, and a lot of that has to do with their athleticism. In Peachy, they find a team that can match them on that front. This has HIGH Game of the Week potential. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 2

 

Peachy Platoon vs 3rd and Schlong (EVEN) – 3rd and Schlong is setting out to remind us that they’re the team we should all be talking about in the division. Catching Peachy on the second half of a double header may prove to be great timing. 3rd AND SCHLONG BY 3

 

Frodo Swaggins vs Slytherin That End Zone (+7) – SITE needs a marquee win, Frodo has been cruising since getting Emily Schilling at the deadline. Give me the hot team. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 10

 

Sticky Bandits vs Morning Wood (+3) – If Sticky is going to make their climb up the standings, they need to win this game. STICKY BANDITS BY 7

 

Sticky Bandits vs Slytherin That End Zone (EVEN) – Two teams with a lot to prove this week. Both need this win over the other. A bit of a playoff atmosphere at 3:00. STICKY BANDITS BY 1

 

D4/R2

 

THE CONTENDERS

 

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (6-2), End Game (5-1), Hung Buffalo (4-2)

 

THE ALMOST THERES

 

No Punt Intended (4-3), GLBS (4-3), Buffalo Solar Solutions (3-3), Indecent Exposure (3-3)

 

THE PRETENDERS

 

Puckett All-Stars (1-5), Full Throttle (1-5)

 

THE RELEGATED

 

Cobblestone (0-5)

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

End Game 43, Buffalo Solar Solutions 22

Indecent Exposure 53, Full Throttle 12

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 39, Puckett All-Stars 20

No Punt Intended 50, Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 43

GLBS 26, Hung Buffalo 8

No Punt Intended 33, GLBS 13

 

 

Joking aside, Uncle Rico’s looks to be on a collision course with End Game for the championship game. They were a brain fart away from being 7-1, but if anything, they learned from last week’s debacle and they’ll be a smarter team going forward. End Game hasn’t lost a step or looked weak all season, and their win against Buffalo Solar cemented the fact that the road to the D4/R2 title goes through them. Hung Buffalo lost against GLBS, sure, but I’m not entirely confident they had their whole team there because of the holiday, so I won’t drop them from “contender” status so quickly. After that, it gets a little murky. No Punt Intended went out and heeded my words. I told them they needed to “prove it” and a pair of wins against Uncle Rico’s and GLBS is a great start, but it doesn’t fully prove it to me. NPI didn’t beat Uncle Rico’s as much as Uncle Rico’s beat themselves, and in the game against GLBS, the Great Lakes QB hurt his knee so Glenn Bird had to step in. Still need a bit more proof they’re for real, but this is a start. Just as GLBS gets going, their QB may be injured. Hopefully things weren’t too serious, because they were one of the hottest teams in the TSL. Indecent Exposure hasn’t made a ton of noise recently, but then again, neither does a lion before it pounces on its unsuspecting prey. Watch out for this squad come playoff time. Puckett All-Stars and Full Throttle look to be battling for that final playoff spot, but both teams just aren’t clicking and they may have to consider some philosophy changes on both sides of the ball. Cobblestone has a lot going for them: amazing people, great new girls, sweet jerseys, a surefire hall of fame supermodel quarterback, great attitudes (mostly), but poor results. They’ve only scored 100 points so far, while they’ve allowed 214. Unless they have a miraculous turnaround, it might be better for them to drop to D5/R3 and get their newer players accustomed to the TSL.

 

This Week’s Games:

No Punt Intended vs Full Throttle (+10) – No Punt Intended appears to have gotten their groove back, but was that just a lot of good luck going their way? Full Throttle appears to be self-destructing, and I’m sure if they can stop the bleeding this season. NO PUNT INTENDED BY 7

 

Puckett All-Stars vs Cobblestone (+3) – If Cobblestone is going to turn things around, and its not impossible for them to make the playoffs, they need to win this game. Puckett is looking at this game as a must win scenario, and a loss here could stick the final fork into the season. Darryl works his magic. COBBLESTONE BY 2

 

End Game vs Hung Buffalo (+3) – If you’re doing something at 1:00, stop whatever it is, and go to Field 3. Hung Buffalo and End Game are going to slug it out in what should be one of the day’s best games. End Game is out to prove they’re still the best team in the division, and Hung Buffalo is out to prove them wrong. END GAME BY 3

 

D5/R3

 

THE CONTENDERS

Matty’s Angels (6-0), Cunning Stunts (6-1)

 

THE BEST NON GENDER TEAMS

Ugandan Warriors (4-1), Pink Pteratacos (4-1)

 

THE EXCITING MIDDLE OF THE PACK

Come From Behind (3-3), vandalay industries (2-3), Hope N Ruin (2-4)

 

THE NOT EXCITING END OF THE PACK

Five Star Generals (1-5)

 

THE RELEGATED

HomeTech (0-5), Over Compensators (0-5)

 

Last Week’s Games:

Matty’s Angels 45, Come From Behind 40

Ugandan Warriors 61, Five Star Generals 6

Cunning Stunts 46, Over Compensators 0

Vandalay Industries 22, HomeTech 15

Ugandan Warriors 27, Hope N Ruin 6

 

 

Who run the world? Girls. The Angels have been beating teams handily and have seemed destined to run to the title. Of course, they’ve seemed this way before and have blown it in the playoffs, so there’s always a chance history repeats itself. The Stunts are just as good offensively as the Angels, but they’ve been playing better defense. I can’t wait for these two teams to collide. Not to be outdone, the Ugandan Warriors have been ON FIRE, dunking on teams. They won their double header with an 88-12 combined score. Blasé has his team looking sharp, and this week’s battle with the Angels is a big one. The Pink Pteratacos have been good as well this season, and their biggest hurdle is themselves. If they can keep a cooler head, and stay focused, they pose a threat to the title as well. Come From Behind, vandalay, and Hope N Ruin are all very similar in that they’re smart, veteran teams that you just can’t sleep on. Any of these teams can beat you if you let them hang around for too long. The Five Star Generals are having an awful go in D5, but they’ve shown some flashes of improvement here and there. And I realize I’m saying that after they lost by 55 points. While I love HomeTech and the Over Compensators, both of these teams feel like they’d be better served “figuring it out” in D6/R4. That’s not meant to be a slight, for the record.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Matty’s Angels vs Ugandan Warriors (+8) – The Angels vs Ace rivalry was one of the league’s fiercest for a second there in the TSL. Ugandan is essentially the Super Shredder version of Ace, and both teams want nothing more than to beat the other here. There’s more at stake here than just a football game. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 3

 

Five Star Generals vs Over Compensators (+3) – Both teams are feeling pretty low after last week. There’s no doubt in my mind both team’s group chats are saying the same things. “This is our week!”, “We have to win this game!”, “What field are we on again?”, etc. FIVE STAR GENERALS BY 10

 

Hope N Ruin vs HomeTech (+7) – Hope N Ruin is gearing up for another “Hey we didn’t see that happening!” playoff run. HomeTech is just hoping to score more than 1 point. HOPE N RUIN BY 7

 

Vandalay Industries vs Over Compensators (+7) – For what it’s worth, if the OC was going to go 2-0 in a week, this could be it. Team Topper Lite has struggled a bit at times and they tend to play to their competition more often than not. I just don’t see anything from the OC that says they can do it. VANDALAY INDUSTRIES BY 9

 

Pink Pteratacos vs Come From Behind (+3) – I just told everyone not to sleep on Come From Behind. For as intense as Mark can be, I think he knows that too, and he’s telling his team the same stuff. I think this will be a lowkey fun game to watch, and people should be talking about it at the bar afterwards. If the Pteratacos are for real, they need this one. PINK PTERATACOS BY 1

 

 

D6/R4

 

THE CONTENDERS

Jabronies (4-0), Practice Squad (4-0)

 

THE ALMOST THERES

The Bambs (2-3), TMA (2-3)

 

THE PRETENDERS

pAssless Chaps (1-4), The Bi-Polar Express (1-4)

 

Last Week’s Games:

Practice Squad 34, TMA 6

Jabronies 41, The Bambs 27

pAssless Chaps 18, The Bi-Polar Express 0

The Bi-Polar Express 18, The Bambs 0

 

 

This division is shaping up to be a Jabronies – Practice Squad final. They’ve separated themselves from the pack, and have proven to be the top two teams in the division for sure. And on top of it all, we get a bonafide slobberknocker doubleheader this week! The race for D6/R4 supremacy is ON, and its going to be on Field 4 at Noon and again at 2:00. The Bambs and TMA are too inconsistent to be able to be placed in the same tier as the contenders. Once they find their groove though, they can absolutely compete. pAssless Chaps finally played a good game for its entirety and they were rewarded with their first victory of the season. The Bi-Polar Express proved their name, losing 18-0 before winning 18-0. The girls are improving though (Remember the name Sarah Palazza), and as long as Gordon’s foot doesn’t fall off (word is that he made a request with the league to have Tommy Hughes play for him if it does) they can continue to be a tough out for any team in the division.

 

This Week’s Games:

Jabronies vs Practice Squad (EVEN, DOUBLEHEADER) – The scheduling gods were kind to us for this week. I think we’ll see two amazing games, but in the end, I think we’ll see one team go to 6-0. JABRONIES BY 3 AND JABRONIES BY 7

 

The Bambs vs TMA (+3) – The Bambs aren’t thrilled with last week’s 0-2 record, though word is they were incredibly shorthanded. TMA’s roller coaster of an existence took a downturn last week, but historically that means it’ll be on the up and up this time around. TMA BY 6

 

pAssless Chaps vs The Bi-Polar Express (+8) – These two teams JUST played each other. BPX didn’t look too great last time, but that should make them hungry for this one. Can the chaps put together two solid efforts in a row? PASSLESS CHAPS BY 1

 

TMA vs The Bi-Polar Express (+8) – TMA had a fantastic defensive plan for BPE last time these two met and rolled to a victory. This one should be closer but expect TMA to pull it out. TMA BY 7

 

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

1.      Will Dubey show up? Title Shot is clearly a better team with him than without him.

2.      Are people staying at the bar anymore? Reports have said it’s a ghost town around 6:00, unless we’re getting kicked out for a “private party”, then it’s earlier.

3.      Will Public Enemy finally lose? The return of Bobby McConnell combined with how off PE has seemed lately is making me think yes.

4.      Why is YOUR team the next team I should be talking about? Email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and tell me why.

5.      Will we ever have DJ’s at the fields again? It’d be nice to have them rocking some tunes for everyone instead of other people’s speakers blaring Pandora radio commercials.

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

 

1.      The path for a day of excellent games is as follows: 10:00 – Stand between Field 2 and 3 for All We Do Is Quinn vs Peachy Platoon and Matty’s Angels vs Ugandan Warriors. 11:00 – Field 2 for Public Enemy vs Eyes Downtown. 12:00 – Field 4 for Jabronies vs Practice Squad Part 1. 1:00 – Field 3 for Hung Buffalo vs End Game. 2:00 – Field 2 for Energy Buff vs A&A Part 2. 3:00 – Field 1 for Sticky Bandits vs Slytherin That End Zone

2.      Breakfast Club predictions: Emc Hammertime 27 – Peanut Butter Kelly Time 20, Schilling Em Softly 38 – Bern Them All 35, Hot TaMolly’s 28 – Natural Born Kellers 24.

3.      Dave Wilbern not wearing a shirt is just not fair to the rest of the league.

4.      Sadly, we have to postpone our spring party, which was being known as “Lenny Day” until June 15^th. The Singing barbershop quartet couldn’t commit to this weekend.

5.      As games get more intense with playoffs approaching, its time for my friendly reminder for everyone to REMEMBER THIS IS JUST A GAME AND TO NOT BE JERKS TO EACH OTHER.

6.      My Game of the Week is going to be All We Do Is Quinn vs Peachy Platoon. I can’t wait to see the results from that one.

7.      I must say, it’s a lot of fun to finally be on the other side of the “Who writes the article??” mystery when it comes to The Sentinel and the QB Rankings. I think I know who they are. No, I’m not telling.

8.      It was awesome to hear that the Neff family came around this past week. They’re awesome people, and league royalty.

9.      I miss the days people could bring dogs to the fields. Perhaps we can get a gated portion and make a TSL dog park? That’d be something.

10.   I’ll say it again, PLEASE don’t bring your own alcohol to the fields. It’s such a bad look for our entire league when people do it. Be respectful.

 

The league is entering the homestretch and it looks like its going to be a riot. Good luck to everyone and be safe out there. And wear sunscreen.

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