Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings! 

 

No graphs and visual wizardry for you yet of course (they’re coming soon!), but here are your Top FIFTEEN starting QBs in the TSL:

 

 

 

#1 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Beat What a Dump 35-14 (Legends), beat D-Generation XYZ 52-47 (Stunts)

3-0 and collectively averaging an ALMOST League-best 46.33 points per game (Balls Deep and Flying Balls are, somehow, better than this).  Can't argue with a start like this.  The Stunts won a close one like they always do (by a score of "a lot" to "also a lot") and the Legends made it look easy against a VERY talented What A Dump squad.  We don't think either team goes undefeated (someone's bound to have a bad attendance week, right?) but it's not impossible.

 

#2 Mike Thomas – Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Beat Eyes Downtown 37-29

Joey Batts has the higher points per game (see above)... but only if we throw the Stunts game into his numbers.  If we stick to just D1 though, somehow the Sticky Bandits have outscored Legends through two weeks, while facing debatably a harder schedule.  That seems impossible.  Meanwhile Sticky Nation and Eyes Downtown always seem to meet in the playoffs (at least the last... Spring, Winter, Fall, Spring, and Winter?  The Commissioner would know this) so regular season probably doesn't matter too much to either team, but if it does, the Sticky Bandits just locked up a huge tiebreaker.

 

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 37-29

The first matchup of "Big Three QBs" in the Power Rankings this season did not go Bobby's way.  You can't win them all, as they say.  But Bobby sure as hell wants to!  Eyes Downtown have surely circled September 20th on their calendars, as that's when they'll take on Legends for a chance to REALLY jump up the Power Rankings.  Until then, we expect this team to win every game... and probably by a few scores each time.

 

#4 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week:  Tied What a Dump 22-22

Frodo's season so far has consisted of a 1 point loss to What a Dump and... a tie with What a Dump.  So, what do we know about Frodo this season?  Well... they're ABOUT as good as What a Dump!  You may be wondering why Garrett is ahead of Cody in the Power Rankings, despite failing to beat him twice this season.  And it's a good question.  But ultimately Cody is throwing to Derek and Andy, and Garrett is throwing to whoever he can grab off the sublist it seems.  And that's a point in Garrett's favor (or so we think).

 

#5 Cody Stumpf – What a Dump

Last Week:  Tied Frodo Swaggins 22-22, lost to Legends 35-14

We are very sure that What A Dump are, at worst, the fourth or fifth best team in the League right now.  At their BEST?  Well, we're sure they can beat Frodo (they have already!), and we're pretty sure they can beat Eyes Downtown or Sticky Bandits too.  But they still seem a tier below Legends.  Now to be fair, EVERYONE seems a tier below Legends these days, but if What A Dump is going to shock the world this season (or next) they'll need to figure out how to show up against the best team in the League.

 

#6 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week:  Lost to the Malones 31-24

It looks like Can't Touch This won't have another undefeated regular season against D2 this session...  But they DO have a chance to avenge last week's loss to the Malones THIS week, as the rematch is apparently happening right away.  The Godfather will surely pick that as the 12 pm Game of the Day (Flying Balls vs Three Tuddies aren't quite at that level of epic grudge match just yet) and if we had to bet on it, we'd say CTT win the rematch... in the last minute of the game, of course.

 

#7 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week:  Beat Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 47-44

The Wanderers are back to their winning (regular season) ways, following up a Week One bye with a dramatic last minute win over Interdimensional Lightning Falcons.  Do you think it gets dull winning every regular season game, just to suddenly feel the stress of expectations in the playoffs every season?  (We should ask the Cunning Stunts, who know that pattern better than anyone.)  Undefeated and averaging 47 points per game is the best start Frank could have asked for.

 

#8 Andy Strug – The Malones

Last Week:  Beat Can't Touch This 31-24

Well look who's in first place in D2!  The Malones took down their biggest rivals on Saturday for a hard fought win, with a rematch on deck for this Saturday.  There are two teams that will get first round byes in D2 - isn't it crazy to think that the Malones could essentially lock one of those up in Week Three with another win against Can't Touch This?  (yeah, we know that isn't what "lock up" means, but is anyone else going to beat Malones TWICE if Can't Touch This couldn't do it?)

 

#9 Joe Miano - Jabronies

Last Week:  Beat Passing While Intoxicated 44-26

The Jabronies lost their first game of the season to the division leading Malones... and since then they've won games by 15 points and 18 points.  Admittedly, we weren't very high on the Jabronies chances last season (they seemed to play well against Scared Hitless and almost nobody else) but this squad looks different.  Joe is playing with confidence and he might have the athletes to keep up with the top D2 teams this season.

 

#10 Jordan Lawson - Mavericks / Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Lost to Unit Ha Ha 26-21 (Mavericks), lost to Passing While Intoxicated 49-18, beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 37-32 (Scared Hitless)

The worst point differentials in D1 and D2 both belong to Jordan's teams right now, which was not the start to the season he was hoping for (okay Freeballers point differential is much worse, on a per game basis, so there's that).  But expectations are key here - Mavericks was never going to come out of the gate beating everyone up in their first season in D1, and Scared Hitless were 2-6 last season with a different QB (who had MUCH more experience throwing to these receivers).  Neither of these teams seemed likely to win much the first month of the season.  We won't judge them how they start the season... but we will judge them how they end the season!

 

 #11 Buddy Lee – Passing While Intoxicated / Interdimensional Lightning Falcons

Last Week:  Lost to Jabronies 44-26, beat Scared Hitless 49-18 (PWI), lost to Wanderers 47-44 (ILF)

Buddy went 2-1 on Saturday with a 31 point win in D2 (great!), a loss in which he scored 44 points in D3 (great for Buddy, bad for ILF!) and a loss in which he got soundly outplayed by Jabronies (not great!).  We expect ILF to be a competitive if not overwhelming team in D3 this season... but we're still trying to decide what we think of PWI.  They turned over MOST of their roster after winning D3 so this is almost a brand new team, and it's full of talent (particularly female talent).  Are they going to be able to hang with The Malones or CTT?

 

#12 Matt Glowacki - Unit Ha Ha

Last Week:  Beat Mavericks 26-21

In the Spring of 2019, the Topper Sports League (R.I.P.) debuted a new article called "The QB Power Rankings", and in its inaugural ranking Matt Glowacki ranked seventh.  We have done 97 QB Power Rankings since then, and Matt is JUST NOW on the verge of a comeback to the Top Ten!  Unit Ha Ha got their first ever win as a team after jumping STRAIGHT to D1, and they're square in the middle of the standings now at 1-1.  The only thing cooler than a brand new team in D1?  A brand new COMPETITIVE team in D1!  Welcome back, Matt.

 

#13 David Eickhoff - Grey Hair Don't Care / Ready to Retire

Last Week:  Lost to Scared Hitless 37-32 (GHDC), lost to PowerPuff Girls 29-20 (R2R)

Eickhoff has played four games this season, including a close loss to Can't Touch This, an even CLOSER loss to Scared Hitless, a close loss to PowerPuff Girls, and a win over Come From Behind.  He probably wishes he won the Scared Hitless game (hell, he probably wishes he won ALL of them) but that's a tough schedule to start the season!  Can either of these teams compete for their championships this season?  D4 seems more wide open, so we'll say that one is more likely at the moment.  

 

#14 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice

Last Week:  Beat Practice Squad 46-15

Buffalo Vice are undefeated and averaging 40 points per game.  When we do our fancy graphs at the end of each season, we always say that 40+ is the magic number, that's where every team would love to be (and so few are).  The only knock on Vice so far is that neither of their wins were against the "top teams" in the division.  Oh, Bullet Club went to the Finals last season, so maybe they'll be a top team by the end of the session, but currently their opponents this session are in 6th and 8th.  Can Vice hang with Wanderers?  They must have played ILF and the Stunts in D4, does anyone remember who won those games?

 

#15 Damien Keller - D-Generation X Y and Z

Last Week:  Lost to Cunning Stunts 52-47

Scoring 47 points and losing must feel pretty lousy - You're supposed to win if you put up 40!  Incredibly, DXYZ, ILF and Buffalo Vice are ALL averaging exactly 40 PPG, and they're STILL behind the Stunts and Wanderers in offensive points per game.  Apparently D3 is where to go to watch shoot-outs.  Loss to the Stunts in the Katie Keller Bowl aside, DXYZ will learn a lot about how good they are in the next couple of weeks against division leading Buffalo Vice and Wanderers, who are now a combined 3-0.

 

Fancy Statistics Section

Yeah, right.  You're not getting any fancy statistics out of us until at LEAST Week Four, and even then we'll tell you the sample size is too small to be meaningful (yes, we're going to copy/paste this line next week too, so get used to it)

 

 

That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this week!  If you have any thoughts about QB rankings, or you want to make sure we know who's throwing for your team, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  You tell him, he'll tell us.  

 

What's YOUR ranking?